*We open up in Jay's Workspace, where we see him watching the South Park "Black Friday" Trilogy on HBO Max and sipping hot cocoa.*
Jay: Hahahaha! Seven years later, and the climax is still hilarious! A dark and disturbing satire on how people take Black Friday too seriously, but always hilarious.
*Suddenly, Jay hears a knocking sound on the door to the Workspace*
Jay: Oh, that must be the others. Better let them in.
*Jay then gets up, revealing himself to be in a Vault-Tec suit with "Lucky 13" Emblazoned in big, gold letters on the front and back. He then walks over to the door, revealed to be the entrance to a Vault, and presses the button to open it. The big gear-door slides out, revealing the people that have come to visit: the Spongebob Narrator (now in a Hazmat suit), Yakko, and Janna, who's currently transporting Omni's crystal ball in a shopping cart.*
Jay: Hey, you guys made it! Come on in, now!
Yakko: Listen, Jay, I don't want to tell you how to do these introductions, but uhhh, I think the whole Fallout thing's a little much. Don't you?
Janna: Yeah, man. I mean, what's the point behind this gag? Is it supposed to poke fun at the desolation that comes in the wake of Black Friday shopping? Or how it always feels like the apocalypse for those working in the retail industry?
Spongebob Narrator: I don't think using something owned by Bethesda's a good idea. Not since Fallout 76, at least.
Jay: Black Friday? Guys, I'm hiding from all the people I angered when I let Alfonso's PS5 get smashed.
Omni: Oh, yeah. You did do that. But I thought you said you had plans to make up for it.
Jay: And now that you're all here, I can start the next chapter and show everyone what I have in mind. So are you guys going to come in or not? Because I'm sure the local Deathclaws will be happy to make your acquaintance.
Omni: No, no. We'll come in.
Jay: That's what I thought. START THE CHAPTER!
Marcia was not having a good morning so far.
Sometime during the night, her alarm clock had chosen to quit on her, making her wake up late and miss breakfast. Then to add insult to injury, by the time she managed to throw on clothes and make it out the door, the school bus pulled away, leaving her in the dust and forcing her to run to school. Unfortunately for her, she was so focused on getting there in time that she didn't see where she was going and ran right into a stop sign. After lying on the ground in a daze for a few seconds, she got up and took out her phone to see what the damage was.
"Oh, come on!" Marcia now saw that she was sporting a big, black eye, which added to the morning's frustrations. After that, she managed to make her way to school just in time for the first bell. Only for a certain blonde little thorn in her side to greet her at the entrance.
"Well, well, well, Marcia Diaz. Fancy meeting you here." Jeremy Birnbaum said while trying to act as smooth as possible as Marcia inwardly groaned.
After kicking his ass in the tournament and exposing him as a cheater, Marcia had hoped that the brat would take the hint that she wanted nothing to do with him and back off. That turned out to be wishful thinking, though, as not long afterward, Jeremy resumed his unwanted advances.
Marcia was in no mood to deal with her unwanted admirer. "Not now, Birnbaum." She said, trying her best to ignore the kid, who did not seem to take the hint and kept talking.
"I was hoping to see how radiant you looked this morning, but it seems that someone decided to ruin your lovely visage." Jeremy then got way too close to Marcia for her to tolerate. "Just give me their name, and your knight in shining armor will make sure they never hurt you again, sweetie."
"I said not now, Jeremy!" Marcia shouted, stomping her foot in anger, only to hear a loud crunching sound underneath. When she looked down, she saw that, in her rage, she had split a skateboard in half. She then looked back up at the person the board belonged to, and to her horror, it was Jackson Lee Thomas.
"Marcia...you just broke my skateboard," Jackson said, utterly crestfallen at the loss of his most prized possession.
Now in full panic mode, Marcia tried to say something, anything, to apologize to her crush. "Oh my god, Jackson...I'm so so so sooo sorry! I didn't mean to, I mean, I never should have...I'm sorry!"
"It's fine, Marcy. I'll just learn to live with it." Jackson said, but Marcia could tell that he was saying that to be polite. As he tried to get on the remaining half of his board and roll away, Marcia couldn't take it anymore and stopped him. (Jeremy, thankfully, left, by the way.)
"Wait, Jackson," she said before suppressing a sigh. "Let me make it up to you. I'll pay for a new skateboard."
At first, Jackson looked stunned that she would offer to do this, but after a moment, his face softened. "Marcia, you don't have to do that. I know you didn't mean to break it. And besides," he pointed to her black eye, "it looks like you've had it worse today."
"Well, I still insist on getting you a new one. I know how much skating means to you." Marcia then got out her wallet. "Alright, so how much does a good skateboard go for?"
"About hundred-seventy, two hundred bucks, based on the brand I was using."
Marcia cringed when she heard that. She didn't have that much money on her at the moment and nowhere near enough to help pay for Jackson's new skateboard. Then, she remembered something else.
"Mierda," she cursed under her breath before turning to Jackson. "Okay, slight problem. I just remembered that I also promised to help Alfonso get a new PlayStation 5 to make up for accidentally destroying his original one-"
"How did you-"
"The Monster Arm smashed it," Marcia said before using the calculator on her phone as she began to do some math. "Let's see. The difficulty of pre-ordering the PS5, combined with the shortages retailers have had trying to keep stock, adjusting for the resale value from scalpers. All of that leads to a total of...oh crud." Marcia had to rerun the numbers to make sure she got it right.
"What's the damage?"
Marcia looked up from her phone at her skater crush. "Let's just say that I won't be able to buy anything for a long time, Jackson." Jackson wanted to say something, but Marcia cut him off. "And I know that you're going to say it's not worth it and I shouldn't spend the money, Jackson, but I want to. All I'm worried about now, though, is how this day could get any worse for me."
As if the universe wanted to prove her wrong, the two then heard a loud screech coming from the parking lot. Forgetting about their conversation for the moment, the two then ran to see what the problem was...only for their faces to go dead-pan when they saw the source of the disturbance.
In front of them in the parking lot was Karla, sitting on her run-down car, nothing out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary was the giant griffin that the wannabe musician was currently trying to get under control. Ever since she had more or less tamed the creature during the football game against the Warriors, Karla had kept it as a friend and pet. Since then, though, she had had a hard time keeping it under control.
"Easy, Kevin. I know you're hungry and all, but you can't make a scene like this." Marcia knew from her experiences pet sitting that Karla's tone of voice was part of the problem. Love and affection were important when taking care of a pet, but you had to know when to take an authoritative stance. And Karla? She was too laid-back to sound authoritative. As if to confirm this, Kevin screeched at Karla before flying to a passing ice cream truck. It then proceeded to grab the track, sending the unfortunate driver running for their life, before trying to shake out all the frozen desserts inside. And to make matters worse, two bystanders were standing too close to everything for comfort.
Facepalming at the whole scene, Marcia grabbed a whistle from her pocket, walked forward, and blew it in Kevin's direction. "DROP IT NOW!" Kevin obeyed almost immediately, setting the truck down and returning to Karla's side. Though, not before grabbing some of the ice cream sandwiches lying on the ground. That's when Marcia noticed that the two bystanders happened to be Al and Ferg.
"Are you guys okay?"
"Don't worry about us. We're outstanding," Alfonso replied.
"Yeah, girl. It's going to take more than that to bring us down," Ferguson reassured her. "Besides, now we got all this free ice cream," the chubby boy added before picking up as many popsicles and sandwiches as he could carry.
Jonah, who happened to have noticed everything, walked over to talk to the group. "So, Karla's mythical steed causing trouble again?"
Ferguson nodded his head as everyone walked over to where Karla and Jackson were, passing his friends a free ice cream sandwich. "Yeah, dude. It's cool that Karla has a griffin as a pet, but if she doesn't get it under control, it'll hurt someone."
"Hey, I'm doing the best I can, man," Karla argued. "But with my dad being too busy with his new girlfriend to care, all I've got to work with is the stuff I have in my car. I'm not even sure I'm allowed to drive it since I don't have my license yet." Contrary to popular belief, Karla was only fourteen, despite looking a few years older. How she hadn't gotten arrested for driving without a license was anyone's guess.
"Well, we can't just sit around and do nothing. Karla's our friend," Alfonso commented.
"Yeah, but we don't that many options to work with," Jackson added. "I doubt there are any bulk foods or training guides on Earth for this kind of stuff."
Marcia's face lit up when she heard Jackson say that. "Wait a second, that's it!"
"What is?" Ferguson asked. Just as Marcia was about to explain, Jonah, who had thought of the same thing, beat her to it.
"There may not be anything on Earth that can help us deal with this, but I'm betting Comet knows a place or two that does."
"Yeah. And I'm willing to bet that he knows a place where we can get you a new game console, Alfonso. And you a new skateboard, Jackson," Marcia added on to convince her friends.
"Alright, then: it's settled," Jackson said. "We'll tell Comet to meet us here after school and explain everything to him. He's bound to know something." As they did this, Kevin was currently building a makeshift nest that he then placed Karla in before resting on her like she was some kind of egg, chirping softly to himself.
"On second thought, should we get him right now?" Jackson asked, with everyone nodding in agreement.
Comet knocked on the door to the Principal's office, waiting to be invited in. He had no clue why he'd got called from his first period, but the Prince was hoping he wasn't in trouble. His mind was already racing with alibis and denials for anything wrong he might have done, just in case.
"Come in."
Comet then opened the door to see Principal Skeeves sitting behind his desk with a neutral look on his face.
"Look, Principal Skeeves, whatever it is, I'm... 90% certain that I didn't do it."
Skeeves' faced softened into a slight smile. "Relax, my boy. You're not in any trouble. You're here because some friends of yours said they needed your help with something that involved this school's safety."
"And they called me?"
"Yep," Skeeves confirmed.
"Those unfortunate souls."
"Hey, man, it's not like we have many options right now."
Comet then turned to see the friends in question: Jonah, Marcia, Jackson, Ferguson, Alfonso, and Karla, all standing in the corner of the Principal's office.
Comet smiled at the sight of his friends. "Hey, guys, what's u-whoa." He stopped mid-sentence when he noticed something wrong with several of the people standing in front of him. "Marcia, what happened to your eye? And Jackson, what happened to your board? And why does Karla have feathers in her hair?"
Marcia sighed. "TL: DR, I got a black eye running to school and broke Jackson's board by accident." Karla then stepped forward to explain some more.
"Kevin needs munchies and I need a way to keep him under control before he hurts someone. Plus, Jackson needs a replacement skateboard, and Alfonso needs to get a replacement for his PlayStation 5."
"I'm still in mourning over it. I was this close to getting the platinum for Black Ops: Cold War!" Alfonso added.
Skeeves then spoke up again. "While I normally wouldn't allow this during school hours, given how Miss Greason's new, er, pet, represents a danger to the students and faculty, I'm going to make an exception and allow you to get out of classes so that you may resolve these problems." He paused for a brief moment before speaking again. "Also, consider this a favor for helping us win the game against the Warriors."
Comet thought on this for a moment before his face lit up with an idea. "Don't worry, guys. I know just the place where we can find everything that you need," the Prince of Mewni said as he reached inside his pockets for his dimensional scissors.
"Follow me, guys. We're going on a field trip."
After being the first to exit the portal he had made, Comet waited for his friends to step through after. While Comet said it was so he could make sure they'd be safe, in truth, he just wanted to see their reactions to where he had taken them. Given how everyone gasped or let their jaws hang open in awe, he was not disappointed.
His friends had every reason to react the way they did. As they looked around, they saw that they had stepped inside what looked like a shopping mall, except it was unlike any the teens could expect to see on Earth. The whole place seemed modeled after a medieval castle, with the walls made out of stone blocks and columns. And it was massive, too; the vaulted ceilings seemed to tower a good fifty feet above them, and the building itself seemed to stretch for miles upon miles in every direction. Then there were the aisles and shelves, lined with bizarre items and products that appeared to serve purposes that eluded their understanding. Stranger still was the fact that the place was filled with entities and beings of every shape imaginable.
Ferguson was the first to break the silence to poise a salient question: "Where the heck are we?"
Comet grinned before proceeding to throw his hands into the air for a dramatic pose. "Everyone, welcome...to QUEST BUY! Your one-stop-shop for anything you could ever need in the universe!" As soon as Comet finished his introduction, they heard a voice speak on some intercom.
"Attention Quest Buy shoppers, we have a red ticket sale of 25% off all things that mu-OHMYGODNO! AHHHHH!" the intercom suddenly got cut off. Marcia, Jackson, Karla, Al, and Ferg all looked at each other with worried expressions on their faces, while Jonah shrugged it, using his phone to take photos of everything.
"Comet, is it safe for us to be here?" Alfonso asked. Before his friend could answer, someone shoved a tray with two jars on it in front of him. One jar had eyes floating in some goop, while the other just had the goop.
"Sample?" Alfonso then saw that a fish person in a sleeveless suit held the tray. "Either take a sample or leave a sample, buddy. I don't got all day." Alfonso fought back the urge to vomit as he walked away from the vendor. Jonah, on the other hand, got a wicked grin on his face as he took one of the eyes and put it in a bag in his pocket.
"Oh, yeah. I'm going to love using this in my research," Jonah chuckled while everyone else at him in disgust.
"Comet, what kind of store is this place?" Marcia questioned. "Is it even a store, because it looks big enough to be its own dimension."
Comet chuckled before twirling his Wand in his hands for a moment. "Funny you should ask, Marcia. It's both. The dimension that we're standing in is what you would call a pocket dimension. As in, it's smaller than most other dimensions found in the universe. They're not suitable for living in, but people like to model them to fulfill a specific need. The Bounce Lounge and Amethyst Arcade were built on pocket dimensions, as well.
Karla and Alfonso looked at each other when they heard the names of those places. "Comet, what are these places, and why do we feel like they're important for us to know about?"
Comet was about to explain, but Jackson interrupted them. "He can explain later. We need to find what we need for Kevin, and I need something to replace my skateboard."
"I don't know, Jackson. This place looks pretty disorganized. How are we supposed to find anything in here?" Ferguson said. In response, Comet blew up from his mouth, moving some of his hair into place.
"Pssh, it only looks disorganized, Ferguson. Legends say that the founders of Quest Buy had an ancient, cryptic system of symbols-"
"You mean a map?" Marcia added in.
"-a system of symbols that they used to organize the store." Comet then leaned in close and got this eerie look in his eyes. "Some have gone mad trying to decipher it!" The group then turned as they heard an excited squeal from what looked like a floating, yellow man with what looked like a carrot for a nose.
"YES! I'M MR. POPUP AND I THINK I JUST FOUND OUT THAT HOUSEWARES ARE THIS WAAAYY!" The yellow creature then flew off laughing into a section filled with juices, only to run into a stand, fall, and spill what they hoped was fruit punch on the ground. The group then looked back at Comet, hoping that he had a better idea. The magic-wielding teen caught on to this pretty quickly and spoke up again.
"Don't worry, you guys: I've got a plan." He then held his Wand close to his face, muttered something, and then held it out in front of everyone. To their surprise, a holographic map of Quest Buy appeared before them. "Having gone here several times before, I know how hard it can be to find anything. That's why I came with this spell that maps out the entire store for us, along with the best routes to take."
"Like a magical GPS?" Karla asked. Comet just shrugged.
"Well, yeah, if you want to get technical about it. Anyway-" Comet then pointed at the hologram, currently focused on a group of six dots in the middle of the store. "-these dots represent us and where we are in the store." The map then began to zoom out before drawing a complicated line to another section of the store. "According to the map, this is the best route for us to take to get to the animal care department. That's where we'll find the stuff we need for Kevin."
Marcia couldn't help but notice how unnecessarily long Comet's route was. "Hey, Comet, no offense, but why's your route look like it's going all over the place?"
"Excellent question. It's like that so we can stop by other departments in the store. That way, Jackson can get a new skateboard, and Alfonso can find a replacement console."
Marcia was about to bring up something else, but Comet beat her to it. "And before you ask, the other places are departments that I think the rest of you will be interested in. It's my way of saying thanks for everything you've guys have done for me since I came to Earth."
Everyone couldn't help but get a little emotional when they heard that. Even Jonah. "Aw, thanks, Comet. You're the best." Ferguson said.
"You're welcome. Now," Comet then pointed his Wand towards a nearby aisle. "Let the Quest Buy shopping spree begin! Onward!"
Play "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen starting at 00:40. Trust me. It helps with the montage. /HgzGwKwLmgM?list=PLktCTj9RAxTfN-S-0q0QoaKZKZbjEfjVE&t=40
The next hour or so seemed to pass by in a blur as Comet led his friends through the seemingly endless aisles of Quest Buy. And his friends continued to be amazed by everything they saw. Amazed and slightly terrified.
One of the aisles they found was dedicated entirely to weapons from throughout the universe. There were the standard swords, shields, and maces, to be sure, but some of them got crazy. They found a pair of gauntlets that doubled as shotguns; a minigun that fired bullets made from hard light; and a scythe that could transform into a sniper rifle. Jonah insisted that they each get a weapon, but Marcia and Jackson shot him down out of fear of what he could do with some of the things that were for sale. Alfonso and Ferguson, on the other hand, picked up something safer. Sitting in a corner, they found a pair of small, black slingshots. Unlike most slingshots, they each had five prongs on them connecting to the strap. It reminded them of the weapon used by a character from one of their favorite anime. So, despite Marcia being worried that they would hurt themselves, Comet told them they could each get one.
When they got to the sports' aisles, Jackson looked like he was on cloud nine, seeing all the gear and equipment that the universe used for sports. Ranging from environmentally-proof uniforms to military-grade helmets and pads to things that he didn't even fully understand the purpose; it was an athlete's dream. There was one item, though, that truly caught his eye. Called a U-Board, the signs described as an all-purpose hoverboard that utilized anti-gravity propulsion to propel itself into the air. Thus, it could be used on land, snow, water, or in the air itself. As if to sweeten the deal, it was somehow able to alter its size to accommodate different sports. The best part, though, was the inclusion of a micro-gravity well that would keep a user from falling off, no matter the terrain. Thankfully, Comet not only told him to throw it in their cart but even threw in some safety equipment (Marcia insisted on it, and Comet knew better than to argue on this.)
After this, Comet led them to an aisle that dealt with the occult and supernatural, much to Jonah's delight and everyone else's horror. He grabbed everything from ghost repellant to disembodied hands (helping hands, the labels said) and loaded it into the cart, but Marcia put her foot down and dragged them away. Too late, she realized that Jonah had smuggled in some books on summoning and creating contracts with supernatural creatures and basic Alchemy for beginners. Somehow, Comet talked her into letting him keep it, though she made Jonah promise not to use them to destroy the world or something crazy.
Then Alfonso found the electronic's department and almost dropped dead in shock. While there were countless gadgets and technological marvels to be found, what caught the bespectacled boy's eye was this simple, oddly inconspicuous object. It was small, black, and looked like a cross between a video-playing device and a gaming console. Which was precisely what it was. As Alfonso stared at the mysterious machine, Comet told him that it was a UGC, or Universal Gaming Console, capable of playing any video game in existence, regardless of who made it or where it came from. The boys bought two for each other, with Alfonso hugging Comet in joy.
Despite being there to get food and supplies for Kevin, most of the group managed to find something they wanted, thanks to Comet. Karla had even found a book that would take her skills as a musician to the next level. Marcia, though, had declined to get anything. She got to travel to other dimensions with Comet all the time, and that was enough of a gift. At this point, though, Marcia felt the need to get everyone back on track and had Comet continue to lead them to the animal care aisle.
End Music
Spongebob Narrator: Meanwhile...
Ludo pinched his beak in frustration as he felt a migraine coming on. He had come here to do some simple errands, but his minions were making this infinitely harder than it should have been. Why in the Seven Hells does it have to be this hard, he thought as he saw Bearicorn approach him while holding a tiny, pink dress with polka dots in his hands.
"Hey, boss, do you think we can get this?" Bearicorn eagerly held out the dress.
Ludo groaned. "Why would we even need that?"
"Aw, but you'd look so cute in it, though." Bearicorn pleaded, only for Ludo to slap the dress out of his minion's paws before explaining.
"A.) I don't wear dresses and B.) if I did, I still wouldn't wear it because it's not my color." Fortunately for Bearicorn, Ludo's attention was drawn elsewhere when he heard a smack coming from the cart. Sure enough, Buff Frog was glaring up at the Giraffe Man, who had tried to sneak in a bag of something called "Girafro" into the cart.
"And as the for the rest of you," Ludo shouted at the minions that he had brought with him. "Need I remind you that we're only here because I need a new beak groomer. Keeps it nice and sharp while also helping with my smile! So stop trying to sneak things into the cart!" Ludo then noticed one of the clerks that worked at Quest Buy, a sloth, walking by.
"Excuse me, sir," Ludo shouted in the Sloth's direction. "Could you direct us to your finest electric beak groomers?"
"Uh, that's not my department, man."
"Well, then I want the name of your supervisor."
"Can't. I'm on break."
"Well, I'm not leaving until I get someone to find me a beak groomer, and nothing in the universe can make me do so!" Ludo proclaimed. While all this was happening, Buff Frog was busy scolding his comrades for trying to sneak things onto the cart. However, his focus got diverted when he saw an all-too-familiar sight. Grinning wickedly, the Amphibian walked over to Ludo and whispered into his ear-holes.
"Master, instead of Beak Groomer, how about something you've wanted for free?"
"Free? What are you-" And then Ludo looked in the direction that Buff Frog was pointing. There, going down another aisle, was Comet Dragonfly, that Earth girl who beat the shit out of him, and many other people he didn't care about.
Chuckling to himself, Ludo then whistled sharply to his followers to get their attention. "Boys, change of plans. We've got a Wand to steal from a certain Prince and a score to settle with a certain brat." The latter statement got most of the Monsters pumped up. They had not forgotten the humiliating beat-down that Comet's friend had given them recently and were eager for payback. Dropping everything, they joined their leader in following after the Prince and his group.
"So that does that mean you don't need anything else, sir?" The Sloth called out to them.
*Back in Jay's Workspace, we see him finishing up showing the chapter to his guests*
Jay: So, what did we all learn today, people?
Yakko: That you're a fan of Queen?
Jay: Yes, but that's not the big lesson.
Omnitraxus: That you like filling this story with as many pop culture references as possible?
Jay: Also true, but still not the big lesson.
Janna: That you didn't break Alfonso's PS5 to be a jerk, that you always intended to give him something that's essentially a gamer's wet dream, and that the readers shouldn't have been so quick to doubt you?
Jay: AND WE HAVE A WINNER! You hear that, readers? I had planned to give Alfonso this gift from the start. Never doubt me!
Spongebob Narrator: I had every confidence in you, Jay.
Jay: Thanks, Spongebob Narrator. Now, I'm sure everyone has many other questions about this chapter, so I'm just going to give you my answers to some of the big ones.
No, I didn't intend to make their shopping spree a montage. At first, I would write each scene out, but then I realized that it would take too long and take up too much space. This was a compromise.
YES, THE MUSIC WAS NECESSARY! If JG Quintel can use "Don't Stop Me Now" for montages on his shows, then so can I!
Yes, I'm well aware that I'm taking the U-Board concept from ROTHEM's story. I'm the beta-reader for it. It's just a cool concept.
And yes, it was necessary to bring all of Comet's Earth friends with him. It may not make sense right now, but the stuff they get will serve a purpose as the story progresses.
Now it's time for
READER'S REVIEWS
Wandering Hippie: Yeah, not a lot may have happened in this chapter, but to be fair, I had to figure out an excellent way to get rid of the Monster Arm. The tournament was out, and I didn't want to go your route, so I thought having it go berserk and trying to eat Ludo would be a good idea. And it was.
Yes, the Monster team-up is total foreshadowing. As for the Piranha Plants, I don't remember how I thought about adding them, but once they came to me, I knew I had to do it. As for the original piranha plant, Marcia had Comet zap it away after their pillow fight. She said she didn't want it around trying to eat them or the laser puppies.
And I'm honestly surprised that you've never seen Animaniacs. Usually, your stories are on top when it comes to these pop culture references. Now would be a good time to watch it, though. The original series is on Hulu, along with the reboot. It's peak 90s culture.
LockAndKey989: Thanks, man. I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving!
You know what to do: fave and follow this story, and follow me on Twitter (JZ-Gaming), Insta (RJ Writing Ink), and YouTube (Jungoguy)
Oh, and give me your guesses for the pop culture references I made in this chapter. There are more than a few to be found, so get looking. If you guess right, I'll give you a shoutout in the next chapter. Laters!