"I, I who have nothing,
I, I who have no one
Adore you and want you so.
I'm just a no one
With nothing to give you but oh!
I love you!

"He, he buys you diamonds,
Bright, sparkling diamonds,
But believe me, dear, when I say,
That he can give you the world,
But he'll never love you the way
I love you!

"He can take you any place he wants,
To fancy clubs and restaurants,
But I can only watch you with
My nose pressed up against
The window pane!

"I, I who have nothing
I, I who have no one
Must watch you go dancing by
Wrapped in the arms of somebody else
When darling, it's I
Who loves you!
I love you, I love you, I – I – I love you!"
– Tom Jones, I (Who Have Nothing)

I (Who Have Nothing)

Before deciding on her next move, Maria needed time to process the answers she had been given. She felt like an archaeologist who had unearthed a forgotten treasure and was trying to decipher the inscription on it – written in a language which no one living could understand – from what few clues were available. The mystery of Lady Katarina Claes was not easily solved.

Over the following week, she considered what she had learned about the woman she had fallen in love with. Putting together the pieces of this intricate puzzle, she came to the conclusion that Katarina found it difficult to believe that anyone could possibly love her – or even like her – or treat her kindly for any reason that wasn't motivated by self-interest. Intentionally or not, her parents had impressed upon her the idea that any affection or financial support they gave her was entirely contingent on her being an obedient, dutiful daughter who would secure a valuable marriage alliance for them; they had led her to believe that her relationship with them was "transactional". However, when she had tried to apply the same principles to her relationship with Prince Jeord, her efforts to please him had been rewarded with coldness and eventual betrayal. Because nothing that she could possibly give him was enough to make him fall in love with her, she had decided that she was fundamentally unlovable, doomed to a life of loneliness and humiliation.

As one of the most popular girls at the Magic Academy, Katarina was surrounded by sycophants and hangers-on who eagerly sought her patronage. By praising her beauty, stylishness, elegance, and charm – and any other good qualities they could think of – they hoped that she would repay them with favours or influence. Shrewdly, she maintained her power over them by occasionally rewarding them as they wished, but never seemed to take their elaborate compliments to heart. Assuming that Prince Jeord would eventually break his betrothal to her, she anticipated that she would be disgraced, after which her 'loyal followers' would desert her in droves. She knew how easily she could lose their adulation, so she never took it for granted; the voices which gave her insincere flattery today could just as enthusiastically spread spiteful gossip about her tomorrow.

A related problem was that Katarina had trouble telling her genuine friends apart from those who were merely using her for their own purposes. Or, at the very least, she believed that they would behave in a similar manner. Although she recognized Maria as her best friend and seemed to enjoy her company enormously, she had expected to be betrayed by her; indeed, she had been shocked to find out that the young light mage she had taken as a protégé wasn't planning to steal her fiancé. Correspondingly, she had been quick to discard her former best friend, Sienna – for what reason, Maria wasn't entirely sure – and to believe the worst of her devoted younger brother, Keith.

Because she was so desperate to be loved – and thought it quite impossible that anyone could ever love her – Katarina had a tendency to throw herself at the people she liked in a way that was both overwhelming and unintentionally seductive. She didn't seem to realise that the compliments, or promises, or passionate embraces she gave them could be interpreted as anything other than tokens of friendship. Even if she dearly wished that they would love her in return, even if her body trembled and her eyes shone with desire for them, she didn't allow herself to believe that they might feel the same way.

Several weeks before, Katarina had made her sit down while she read out a love poem she had written, gazing soulfully into her eyes while speaking with such ardour that there seemed no possibility that the poem could have been written for anyone else. Maria's heart had swelled with joy at this evidence of her beloved's love for her. Even now, she remembered the words of that poem, as if they had been etched into her brain:

I love you with passion and precision
With knowledge, body, mind, and soul
Piecing together with gentle incisions
Your heart, be it shy, tender, quiet, or cold.
And what of you and your decisions?
The mystery of your mind and throat?
Do you also hold fast to a certain frisson
That will allow me to hold both love and hope?

At the time, she had tearfully insisted that it didn't matter that some of the rhymes were only half-rhymes, that each line had a different number of syllables, or that it didn't quite scan; she had firmly believed that it was the best thing anyone had ever done for her. But now she wondered: had this poem been intended for her? Did Katarina have someone else in mind when she wrote it? Or was it a more general expression of her desire for romance and passion, not meant for anyone in particular?

Of course, she couldn't spend every waking moment contemplating the mystery of Lady Katarina Claes. She had assignments to complete, light magic research to carry out, and work she was supposed to be doing for the student council, as well as her daily rituals of self-maintenance and cleanliness. On weekdays, she had to attend classes, some of which she shared with the woman she loved, during which she would sit by her and assist her with schoolwork. Some afternoons, although their 'queen training' sessions had been discontinued, they would sit and take tea together, as if their friendship had never been interrupted. Even so, she wanted more – and thought that she might have a chance to get it.

After much thought, Maria decided on her strategy of conquest. Later that week, after she had armed herself and prepared as well as she possibly could, she launched her offensive. One afternoon, when they were due to take tea together, she arrived at Katarina's apartment with a selection of baked goods and a bouquet of freshly-picked flowers.

Throwing open the door, her friend gazed with unrestrained greed at the tray piled with biscuits, butterfly buns, fairy cakes, flapjacks, and other homemade confections. "Maria! It's lovely to see that you've started baking again! Oh, you brought flowers as well? How nice."

"I wanted to bring you a few gifts," said Maria, feeling proud that she was able to speak without even the slightest quaver in her voice. "May I come in?"

"Of course!" Katarina exclaimed, ushering her into the parlour. "Tea?"

"Yes, please," said Maria, sitting down in her usual place.

She stayed quiet, marshalling her thoughts, while Katarina poured cups of tea for them both, found a vase and some water in which to put the bouquet of flowers, and started helping herself to the sugary treats which had been brought for her.

"I have been thinking about that poem you wrote, with the 'incisions' and the 'frisson'," said Maria, after Katarina had finished her mouthful of cake. "I thought that it was meant for me, but it wasn't, was it? Who was it for?"

"No one, really," said her hostess, taking a sip of hot tea.

Maria gave her a flat, unimpressed look.

"It was only fantasy. He isn't real, just in my imagination."

"You know how I feel about you. But…" Maria swallowed hard. "If there is someone else you would rather be with – a real person, not an imaginary lover – I will do my best to bow out gracefully."

"There isn't anyone," Katarina told her.

"Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I forgive you for training me to be Prince Jeord's replacement bride. I was very offended when I found out, but now I accept that you had my best interests at heart: you assumed that it was something that I would want, that I already had designs on your fiancé, and that you were doing me a favour," said Maria. "You were wrong on all counts, but that doesn't change the fact that you had good intentions."

A complicated expression crept over her friend's face, but she seemed to decide that avoiding another argument was the wisest course of action. "I am grateful to be forgiven," she said.

"Mind you, I don't understand how you thought that it would ever work. What made you think that he would want to marry me?

Katarina's eyes darted wildly around, briefly alighting on various pieces of furniture, then flitting towards the windows and through the door into the next room, searching for a reasonable explanation. After a moment, she began, "You are classically beautiful and a powerful mage with an exceptionally rare element. He is a charming and handsome prince, clever and ambitious, with strong magic of his own, who could easily become the next King of Sorcier. Your gentle nature would have brought out his softer, more sensitive side, which he keeps well-hidden whenever he is with me. He would have protected you, and cherished you, and strived to become the great man whom you firmly believed he already was. He would have done anything for you."

"How do you know all of this?" Maria asked, disbelieving. "It doesn't sound like it was just in your imagination."

Without answering the question, her friend continued, "Also, uh… you and Jeord even look something alike, almost as if you could be brother and sister! You would be such an attractive couple!"

"Why is that a good thing? And if it is, why aren't you with Keith? I'm sure that he would be delighted with that."

"You mustn't believe everything you hear about Keith. Despite his unpleasant reputation, he is very sweet, really. Even if I were a willing participant – which is impossible, I assure you – he would never do anything so vile as to commit incest with me."

"What if I told you that he is not closely related to you? In fact, he is your third or fourth cousin, or so he told me."

Katarina looked bewildered. "He is my father's illegitimate son with a prostitute… isn't he?"

"Apparently not."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Maria reached across the table and took Katarina's hand. "I think you need to know. You doubt my love – you seem to doubt that anyone could love you – but you are surrounded by people who love you, who adore you completely, and would do anything to be with you. Even if you don't want me, you have plenty of options. Keith is just one of them."

"Oh. I am not sure that I can believe you. Who… who else is in love with me?""

Katarina pulled her hand away. Maria let her go. She took a sip from her own cup of tea and said, "Your old friend, Lady Sienna Nelson, is besotted with you, to the extent that she tries to dress and act like you as much as possible. I wish you would reach out to her: be her friend, if nothing else. While you have been absent from her life, she has grown very strange. Last week, when she wanted to talk to me, she insisted on dragging me into a broom cupboard."

"Lucky you," said Katarina with an amused smirk. "I am surprised she let you go with your virtue intact."

"Did you know she was a lesbian?"

"Everyone knows that."

Maria blinked at her. "And yet, you never suspected that she might fancy you?"

"My dear Sienna," said Katarina, almost tearfully. "She was my best friend. I confessed to her so many of my hopes and dreams, fantasies and imaginings, secrets and hidden truths…" She paused, taking a deep, shuddering breath. "Afterwards – after what Jeord did to me – I couldn't bear to be reminded. She was a constant reminder of… of the stupid girl I used to be! I could hardly bear to look at her at all!"

"And so, you ignored her," said Maria. She noted that she had been given a response which didn't actually answer her question. Was that by accident or design? Had Katarina failed to notice that her one-time best friend lusted after her – or had she deliberately ignored it, thinking that it didn't matter, because she was already so fixated on Prince Jeord?

Overcome with emotion, the impetuous young noblewoman she had fallen in love with merely nodded.

"I… I hope you will reconsider. She misses you terribly."

There was another nod.

"If you are wondering who else might be in love with you… I've seen your pile of letters from Prince Jeord," Maria said morosely. "I cannot believe that he would put so much effort into trying to rekindle your love if he didn't have at least some regard for you. After what he did to you, it would be completely understandable if you felt that you could never forgive him. However, you have already forgiven him to the extent that you are willing to be his friend, so…" Her words trailed off into miserable silence. Despite her words, she couldn't bear the idea that the woman she loved might go back to the man who had treated her so cruelly.

Katarina gave her an incredulous glance. "Are you sure that you are in love with me?" she asked. "You claim to love me, but you have given me a whole list of your would-be competitors. Are you so confident that I will choose you that you don't feel even the slightest bit threatened by my many other admirers? Or are you eager to be rid of me, Maria? You say that you've forgiven me, but… because I hurt you so badly, are you trying to palm me off to some other lover? Which is exactly what you accused me of doing, I might add."

"You misunderstand me. I want you to be aware that you have a choice. It isn't my intention to trick you, or conceal anything from you, or deceive you into thinking that I am your only possible option for romance. If you choose me, I want to be sure that you want me, truly," said Maria, surprising even herself with the intensity of her words. "If you agree to be mine, I won't share you with anyone. I want you all to myself."

"I'm sure Sienna will be very disappointed to hear that," said Katarina with a wry grin. "She might need to drag you into another cupboard for an extra-long session, just so that she can… communicate her displeasure."

Maria sighed. "I don't think you're taking this seriously."

"This is a new experience for me. I have no idea of how to behave in this situation," Katarina admitted. "My best friend has confessed her love for me – and told me my former best friend was also in love with me – how am I supposed to deal with this? Please excuse me for attempting to use humour to relieve my awkwardness."

"Have I made you uncomfortable? Are my advances truly unwelcome?" Maria asked. "If so, I will stop. I will bury my feelings for you and devote myself to being the best friend that you could possibly have."

"I didn't say stop," her friend said quickly. "I didn't expect… what you feel for me is, but it certainly isn't unpleasant. Quite the reverse, in fact: I enjoy being adored."

"Honestly, I don't think that I would have fallen so in love with you if I hadn't believed that you felt the same way. The things you said, the way you looked at me and couldn't seem to stop touching me… Obviously, I must have misunderstood, but I assumed that you were trying to seduce me," Maria said, shamefaced. "Whether you intended it or not, you did it very successfully."

Katarina laughed heartily at that. "If only I had been able to seduce Jeord in the same way! I wouldn't be in this mess right now!"

Feeling rather hurt by the fact that the woman she loved thought that the circumstances which had brought them together were a mess which she'd rather not be in, Maria said, "I… I have written a poem for you, my Katarina. I've never written a poem before, but I did my best. I did some research in the library beforehand, trying to learn the rules which a good poem should follow." She reached into her pocket and retrieved the piece of paper upon which she had written it down. "May I read it to you?"

"By all means! No one has ever written a poem for me before. I'm agog to hear it!" her lady love declared. Biting into a sweet biscuit, she settled down to listen to Maria's love poem:

My love for you is more than words can say.
The words I have written and thrown away
Could not suffice to here and now portray
The wonder you inspire in me each day.
My love, you have the fairest eyes and face,
The sweetest smile, a warm and soft embrace:
What metaphor could hope to match the truth?
I can't describe my love. If you want proof,
My words will never be enough. I give
Everything I have to you. I live
for you. I only hope to someday show
You how I truly feel, until you know:
Although I strive to praise you ev'ry day,
My love for you is more than words can say.

When Maria stopped speaking and looked up from her piece of paper, she was alarmed to see that Katarina was in tears. "It isn't that bad, is it?"

"It's beautiful," Katarina said fervently. "You wrote that for me?"

Maria nodded shyly.

"You didn't copy it out of a book, did you?"

"No, it's my own work, as much as possible," said Maria.

Her beloved's brow furrowed. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, there is some debate as to how much any new piece of writing can be considered to be truly original," said Maria. "And I have told you that I drew inspiration from what I read in the library, which included some old love sonnets. But I didn't copy any of them."

"And, as you said, you had never written a poem before?"

"No. It wasn't something I thought that I'd ever need to learn."

Katarina rolled her eyes. "Why must I always be surrounded by geniuses?" she asked with a rueful laugh. "It hardly seems fair."

"I'm sorry," Maria began. "I didn't mean–"

"No, don't apologize. It's a lovely poem and I am very grateful to you for writing it for me. In fact, I think you deserve a reward," said her beloved, getting out of her seat. "Perhaps a kiss?"

"I would love it if you kissed me, but… I didn't give you any of these gifts in the hope that you would reward me," said Maria, indicating the vase of flowers, the tray of baked goods, and the piece of paper upon which she had written her poem. "I gave them to you because I love you – because I want to make you happy – and seeing you happy is enough of a reward for me. You don't have to repay me. This isn't any kind of transaction. And if you think that it is… I would prefer it if you sat back down."

Katarina had paused to listen to her speech. She wore an obstinate expression on her face. "What if I want to kiss you?"

"Do you? Truly?"

"I… I don't know." Katarina flushed. "That is to say… ah, I find you very attractive. There have been times when I have thought about… when I have wanted to… to do things with you, but had I assumed that you wouldn't be interested." She sat back down.

"Why wouldn't I be interested?" Maria asked. "And don't mention Prince Jeord, please."

"Well, I believed that you were in love with him, which was my main reason for holding back. Still, even if he isn't to your liking, there must be plenty of other young men who have noticed that you are beautiful and extremely talented. Any of them would be better prospects for you. I'm sorry, I have little to offer…" There was a moment's hesitation. "On the other hand, if you were to marry my brother, Keith, the wealth and power of the Claes family could be yours. In many ways, you would be a good match for him. I think my father has despaired of him ever settling down with anyone, so if he were willing to marry you, no one would make too much of a fuss about your being a commoner–"

"Katarina, I don't want Keith. I don't particularly like him or find him attractive," Maria interrupted, a note of impatience in her voice. "I want you. I love only you. Stop trying to set me up with the various men in your life."

"But why though?" Her beloved looked utterly bewildered. "Why on earth would you fall in love with me?"

"I thought I'd explained that to you once already. I can do so again if you wish."

"No, I remember. You told me…" Katarina didn't complete that thought. Instead, she sat staring into space, caught up in a reverie.

"I was told that you were in love with Prince Jeord, that you've been in love with him for years," said Maria, after a minute's uncomfortable silence. "Considering what you've just told me… is that true?"

"No. Maybe. I'm not sure. I desperately wanted to be in love with him. I think that I… I believed that I was in love with him and that made it true, for a while. His future wife should be in love with him, I was told. But then… he betrayed me." Katarina sighed mournfully. "In truth, I am not sure that I understand love. I am used to men wanting me because I am beautiful and vivacious, because I am the daughter of the wealthy and powerful Claes family; and because, here at the Magic Academy, I rule our student community as if I were its queen. In truth, I find it quite reassuring when they look lustfully at me. However, I am much less familiar with… the way you look at me. What you claim to feel for me."

"I am convinced that you want someone to love and to be loved in return," said Maria, putting on her brightest and most appealing smile. "Why else would you have invented an imaginary lover to be the subject of your poetry?"

"Why else, indeed?" said Katarina with a shaky laugh.

"You say that you have little to offer me, as if Lady Katarina Claes, daughter of two old noble families, were somehow unworthy of a penniless commoner," said Maria with heavy irony. "Surely it should be the other way around! I am not worthy of you. I have little to offer you except what I can make with my own hands–"

"Or steal from someone else's garden," said her beloved with a smirk, indicating the vase filled with freshly-picked flowers.

"Exactly." Maria sighed. "I have no lands, no title, and no wealth of my own. Someone like Prince Jeord could give you wonderful and expensive gifts, but all I can give you is my baked goods, stolen flowers, and amateur attempts at writing poetry. Nevertheless, I won't give up. Unless you tell me that there is no possibility of romance between us…" She hesitated, moistening her lips. "I intend to court you as ardently and with as much passion as anyone could desire. A woman as fine as you deserves to be pursued." Her words came easier now. She had climbed over the steepest obstacles and now she was flying. "If you doubt my love, I will prove it to you in every way that I can think of."

Katarina gave a little gasp. For a moment, she was lost for words.

Getting out of her seat, Maria sauntered over to the woman she loved, who appeared to be paralysed by indecision. Like a bird of prey riding an updraft of warm air, buoyed up by the flames of love and passion, she felt brave and confident enough to do what she'd scarcely dared to imagine doing before: she swooped down and kissed the ivory pillar of Katarina's neck.

"I'm going to romance you so hard that you won't be able to think about leaving me," she said fiercely, leaning in for another kiss. "I want you to stay with me. Wherever you go, I want you to take me. I want to share my life with you."

"This is very… bold of you, Maria," said her beloved in a breathy voice. "I think I rather like it." She smiled dazedly.

"I love you, Katarina. I want you to know that," said Maria, taking a step back.

"Have you… have you been scouring romance novels for the best lines to use on me? I'm touched that you would go to such trouble… but you know that this school has a zero-tolerance policy with regards to plagiarism, don't you? I am sure you wouldn't want to lose your coveted position on the school council, after all."

Disregarding the fact that she would very much like to quit the school council, Maria said, "This is the second time you have accused me of plagiarism today."

A guilty expression stole over Katarina's face. "I didn't accuse you, I just asked… I didn't mean it like that!" she spluttered. "How do you always seem to know what to say to make me feel… um…?" She blushed and hesitated, for a moment. "Why are you so romantic, Maria? Where did you learn these skills? That's what I meant, no more than that. I certainly didn't mean to offend you."

"Every word I've said is true, a sincere attempt to convey how I feel about you, not borrowed or stolen from anyone else," said Maria. "You inspire me, my Katarina."

The woman she loved smiled warmly back at her. "You are a wonderful person, Maria. I don't know if I love you already, but I feel that I could love you, given time." She took a deep breath. "Very well, I give you permission to court me. I look forward to being pursued by you. What a merry chase we shall have together!"

"Perhaps I should go, for now. I'm sure you need time to think about this," Maria said cautiously. "It isn't my intention to overwhelm you, or discomfort you, or push you into doing anything you don't want to. If you need space, I will give it to you."

"No, stay with me," said Katarina. "Drink your tea. You always let your tea go cold – you know that, don't you? Have you eaten anything this afternoon?"

Her protégé shook her head.

"Sit down. Have a biscuit, or a little cake, or something," said Katarina, offering her the tray. "Honestly, you really should take better care of yourself, Maria. What would you do if I wasn't here to look after you, hmm?"

Smiling, Maria submitted to this friendly scolding, sat down, drank some tea, and helped herself to a butterfly bun. She was grateful for this opportunity to spend some more time with the woman she loved. It wasn't everything she'd hoped for, but it was close enough, for now.