Undecimus: Enough is Enough
Amicitia Prime had a problem. Well, actually, it had about 100,000 problems, and all of them were big, mean, and green. A few centuries ago, Amicitia had been the site of a large-scale battle that had resulted in the defeat and destruction of the WAAAGH of Warboss Dakkamore. As orks are wont to do, they had gone to seed, and now the tranquility of the planet was once more disrupted by an ork horde. Unfortunately, due to an oversight in the Imperial Tithe office, all of Amicitia trained PDF troops had been taken only a few months ago to fight on battlefields elsewhere, leaving only raw recruits to fight against the orks.
The planet seemed to be doomed to be overwhelmed by the Green Tide, until, that is, the Battle Barge Purgatione Ignis arrived above the planet.
"The Salamanders!" the planetary governor cried. "We are saved! Send a vox message immediately."
"They've already contacted us, my lord," his chief of staff said, and played a vid showing a nervous looking young woman.
"H-hello? I-I'm Yunyun of the Crimson Demon Clan, and we are here to make friends! Um, we're going to do our very best to ensure that everyone on Amicitia Prime can get along and be the best of pals together!"
"Yes!" a giant man in green armor agreed. "We shall make friends with all de orks!"
"Oh no," the planetary governor groaned, resting his head in his hands. "The Salamanders. We're doomed."
Up on the Purgatione Ignis, Homura and Covax were looking over the situation.
"You can't make friends with orks, unless that's a really stupid metaphor for 'kill all the orks!'" Corax snarled. "They're not going to be won over with hugs and cakes, even if Yunyun's cooking is delicious."
"She's had a lot of practice. But I agree. Orks are inhuman abominations. They must be killed," Homura said, running a cloth over one of her many, many pistols that she had disassembled on the table before her.
"Do you ever do anything but clean those guns?" Corax asked curiously, wondering where exactly the girl was keeping her armory. "I'm not complaining, it's just, I've only met a few astartes that were as obsessed as you are."
"I do two things; love Madoka, and kill her enemies. Currently, Madoka and I are apart. That leaves only one possible activity for me," Homura answered seriously, tucking away the cloth and rapidly reassembling the pistol. "Let's convince those two friend happy morons it's time to kill some monsters."
The two of them stood, and found Yunyun with the Salamanders as they kitted up for battle. In Yunyun's case, that involved putting on her robe and cape, as well as a wizard hat that looked suspiciously like the one Megumin wore.
"I-I'm going to try to be a real Crimson Demon for this fight!" Yunyun told Homura when the other woman gave the hat a suspicious look. "M-Megumin always had more friends than me, so…"
"If you really think so. Megumin only gets along with those two NEETs, you, and Sayaka. She's too abrasive to befriend anyone else," Homura said. "I thought you were going to make friends with the orks. It seems reason has come to you."
"W-well, Vullkan says that, um, the best way to make friends with orks is to be good at fighting, so…"
"ORKS IS FER FIGHTIN' AND WINNIN'!" Vulkan bellowed, then his face shifted back to its normal geniality. "And da best way to make friends with dem is to fight dem! So that is what we will do."
"Um, we'll try not to kill too many, right?" Yunyun asked nervously. "I don't want to kill people who could be my friends…"
"Orks are not people," Corax snapped, pointing a long clawed finger at Yunyun, which made her shy away. "They are vicious, inhuman monsters, with no thought in their heads except for causing destruction."
"Oh. Um, but Vulkan says they like red stuff, because it's faster. And I'm a Crimson Demon, so I got a red robe! I think it matches my eyes."
"I don't think the orks care about your eye color," Homura said with a shake of her head. "Come. Let us go down to the planet and save the humans. They, at least, might be willing to worship Madoka, and thus be worthy of preservation."
Yunyun could not teleport everyone down, being only an immortal divine champion who was also an archwizard. Actually, when you say that, it sort of makes you wonder. Anyway, Homura had to help, though she insisted that she and Madoka had shed wizard status some time ago. The Salamanders appeared at the forefront of the building ork WAAAGH, which made the greenskins pause in their mad rush across the (formerly) idyllic landscape towards the few holdouts still held by humanity.
"HELLO!" Vulkan boomed. "WE ARE THE FRIENDSHIP CRUSADERS! HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH ALL OF YOU!"
The orks were puzzled by this, and a few even paused instead of simply attacking.
"Wot's a friend?" a particularly intelligent nob shouted.
"A friend is someone special that you share happy moments and fun activities with!" Yunyun said happily. "And I hear you all like fighting!"
"Orks iz made for fightin'," one of the boyz agreed. "But yous is just a puny 'umei. 'Ow is you gonna foit proppa loik?"
"Oh, like this!" Yunyun pointed a finger at a group of orks. "Sorry, but I have to kill you if I'm going to make friends!"
"Oi, you ain't gonna krump us, we iz-"
"LIGHT OF SABER!" Yunyun roared, and a massive blast of pure white plasma incinerated an entire squad of boyz in a moment.
"DAT 'UMIE IZ ONE O' DEM WEIRD BOYZ! KRUMP 'ER!"
"YEAH, GET DEM BEAKIEZ TOO!"
"OI AIN'T NO BEAKY YOU GITZ!" Vulkan roared, using a two handed flaming hammer to crash into the mob of nobz nearest him. "I IZ DA BIGGEST AND DA STRONGEST! AND DAT MAKES ME BOSS O' THIS HERE WAAAGH!"
"Youz ain't no proppa ork, youz is a beakie!" a particularly foolish nob snarled, only for Vulkan to grab him by the skull, and crush it one handed.
"OI IS BIG, GREEN, AND FIGHTY! YOU GITZ WOULDN'T KNOW A PROPPA ORK IFIN ONE BASHED YER SKULLS IN, WHICH OI AM!"
"But themz is beakies," another nob pointed out, jerking a thumb at Salamanders, who were gleefully slaughtering the orks with cries of "FOR FRIENDSHIP AND WARBOSS VULKAN!"
"ARE YOU BLIND YA GIT! THEYZ IS FIGHTIN' AND WINNIN' AND KRUMPIN' ANY GITZ WHO SAYZ OTHERWISE. AND, IN CASE YOU LOT IZ BLIND, THEY BE BIG, GREEN, AND ANGRY. WHICH IS PROPPA ORKY!"
"Huh. Well, youz could be da boss," the nob admitted, scratching at his head. "But the otha boss iz Warboss Choppahand. He'z a roit biggun."
"WELL DEN SHOW ME DIZ WARBOSS CHOPPAHAND, AND I'LL SHOW YA A GIT WHO'S GONNA GET KRUMPED!"
"Enough of this," Homura snarled, her eyes suddenly going pitch black, and a single dark wing sprouting from her left shoulder blade. "These fools are no friends of mine! I shall slay them all! In the name of Madoka, I-"
"You have to do it!" Yunyun interrupted, pausing in her fusillade of spells to turn to Homura, a pleading look on her face. "You promised, Homura! Like a real Crimson Demon!"
"I am not a Crimson Demon!" Homura snapped back.
"B-but you're my friend, a-and you said you would the next time we fought together, Homura!"
"Will you two quit arguing and fight!" Corax snapped as he dismembered another ork, his lightning claws crackling with power. "Even with an entire company of astartes, this is a whole WAAAGH! We have to break it before-"
"FINE!" Homura roared, lifting off into the air. Many orks pointed shootaz at her and opened fire, but as is typical with orks, most of the shots missed. The ones that hit were barely enough to make Homura notice. Then, she spoke again, and most of the orks cried out and covered their ears in pain. Even the Salamanders and Corax paused, as the Voice of Madoka spoke, an eerie black light radiating from her.
I AM THE BONE OF MY GUN
STEEL IS MY SOUL, AND DESPAIR MY BLOOD
I HAVE CREATED OVER A MILLION GUNS
I AM THE VOICE OF HOPE
AND OF DEATH
I HAVE ENDURED AN ETERNITY OF TORMENT, THAT MY BELOVED MAY BE FREE
NOW, WITNESS THE WRATH OF HOPE ITSELF
UNLIMITED GUN WORKS!
The sky suddenly darkened, the sun itself blotted out as Homura Akemi, The Once Goddess of Despair, opened her armory.
There were two things that Homura loved. The first was Madoka. The second was guns. She had not started out in love with either, but obsession with the former and lead to long experience with the latter. Homura could not have armed every man, woman, and child in the Imperium with her personal collection of firearms, which she had collected across space and time for thousands of years. But she could have made a start that would have made Lord Solar Macharius himself weep.
Millions of guns of all shapes and sizes manifested in what appeared to be an instant, though Homura had to slow time to a crawl to withdraw them all. There were, of course, the guns she had stolen from the JSDF in her original timeline and beyond that formed the core of her collection. However, that was only the kernel that had grown into an obsession, as most things did with Homura. She had personally traveled to multiple earths and timelines to steal the Type 94 Naval guns from the Battleship Yamoto, amassing enough to outfit an entire flotilla. From an American airbase, she'd decided that miniguns were a little small for her tastes, and had lifted a set of M61 Vulcan rotary cannons instead. She had elkoss combine mass accelerators, biel-tan shuriken launchers, Clan M-7 Gauss rifles, and of course the most deadly small arm ever made, the M6D magnum from the UNSC.
The orks of Warboss Choppahand's WAAAGH looked up in awe as before them, the largest collection of dakka ever seen in the galaxy was assembled. And then, with one voice, it spoke.
DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA
Humans would have screamed in terror, or wet themselves in panic. Tau would have prayed to the Ethereals in vain. Eldar would have run for the hills. The Tyranids would have had a moment of existential clarity, wondering if they really were hungry enough for this nonsense. The orks, for the first time in the history of the galaxy, wept in sheer joy.
"It's...it's...it's enuff dakka!" Warboss Choppahand himself cried as he fell to his knees, looking on in awe at the display of firepower.
Now, though Homura had indeed assembled the universe's most expansive arsenal, even she could not fire it for very long, and after only a few seconds of firing (which was enough time to blast a rather significant percentage of Amicitia Prime to nothing but cratered ruins) she was forced to end her barrage, and raise her shield, sucking her armory back where it came from, then silently floated back to the ground, her wing disappearing into her back.
"No wonder you spend so much time cleaning guns," Corax gasped, picking himself up off the ground after the barrage had knocked him off his feet. "Sweet eternal void of my soul, that was...insane."
"It was a necessary move. The ork warhost is nearly destroyed. We can finish them easily now," Homura declared, turning to face a group of approaching orks, led by Warboss Choppahand himself.
"W-wait!" Yunyun cried. "M-maybe they want to be friends!"
"They're orks," Corax sneered. Which was when Choppahand took off his own choppa hand, bowing before Homura and offering it up.
"Youz might look loik a puny little 'umie, but wez see dat youz is da boss," The Ork Formerly Known as Choppahand declared. "Youz must be da orkiest ting eva. Dat...dat was enuff dakka. Oi can die happy now, knowin' dat oi gotz ta see dat."
"You are...submitting to me?" Homura demanded coldly, stepping forward to stand before the former warboss. She barely came up to his waist, but the orks all looked upon her with reverent awe.
"Youz gotz ta be Mork, or maybe youz is Gork, cause iffin anyone coulda eva made enuff dakka, it would be da godz o' brutal cunnin' an' cunnin' brutality," Choppahand explained. "Me in da boyz would follow youz anywhere, boss."
Homura considered this, then took the Choppahand consideringly. "If you must worship someone, it should be the Goddess Madoka."
"She gotz da dakka too?" the former warboss asked.
"Madoka has more dakka than me," Homura confirmed, thinking of her ability to fire off thousands of arrows at once.
"Den wez' be da newest loyal followers o' Warboss Homura Enuffdakka, and Madakkada, Goddess o' Dakka," Choppahand swore.
"Oh no," Corax groaned.
"Little grouchy girl!" Vulkan gasped, running forward. "Do you know what dis means?!"
Homura groaned as Vulkan picked her up to hug her. "You have made friends with da orks!"
Unceremoniously, Homura kicked Vulkan in the chest, sending him flying into a battlewagon, which promptly exploded, as orks run on Michael Bay logic.
"She be proppa orky," the boyz breathed, grinning stupidly at their new warboss.
"Oh boy!" Yunyun gasped. "Friends!" Then she ran up and hugged Warboss Choppahand.
"Wuts dis?" the ork growled, glaring down at Yunyun.
"We're going to be friends!" Yunyun giggled, grinning up at the ork, her red eyes burning with passion. "We'll get all our friends together, and then we'll go to the Eye of Terror and fight all the bad guys! It's a Friendship Crusade!"
"YOU HEAR THAT LADS!" Choppahand roared, turning to the few thousand boyz that had somehow avoided death from the Dakkapocalypse. "IT'S TIME FOR A FRIENDSHIP WAAAAGH!"
"FRIENDSHIP WAAAAGH!" the orks bellowed.
Corax groaned, and smacked his palm onto his forehead.
"Relax," Homura told him. "At least this way we have more bodies to throw at our enemies."
"But they're ORKS," Corax groaned.
Homura gave him a wicked grin. "Oh, not for long, I think. I think it's time for me to call in some favors."
Somehow, the smile from the tiny little woman chilled Corax's heart even more than facing down chaos daemons ever had.
When Magnus's vision cleared again, he found himself in a well appointed room with lavish if eclectic furnishings and decorations. The colors and overall style went together well, but there were wall hangings from a medieval era castle, hardwood paneling from the Edwardian days, an overstuffed couch that looked to belong to the mid 20th century, and Laz-E-Boy chairs from the 21st, along with a mural that appeared to be Byznatine in origine depicting the apotheosis of the goddess Eris that was a bit of a vanity piece.
Magnus had just about oriented himself when a door opened, and a young man with dark hair and pale skin in a black and white track suited stepped in, looking a bit nervous. "Er, hey, you Magnus the Red?"
"I am. Who are you, and where am I?" Magnus demanded. He would have stood, but the ceiling was clearly meant for people much shorter than he, or in other words, your standard human.
"Name's Subaru Natsuki," the man said, extending a hand. "I'm with Satella. Er, Eris sent me to come get you after you've cooled off a bit."
"That depends on whether or not my son is still with that knife eared bitch!" Magnus roared, lurching to his feet and stooping over to prevent himself from banging his head on the ceiling.
Subaru closed his eyes and took a long breath. "Ok pal, I'm gonna have to ask you to calm down, and warn you that if you keep using slurs like that, I'm going to have to kick your ass."
"Really. You, and what army?" Magnus demanded.
"Well, I might not succeed, but I'd try. There's no reason to go hating on someone cause they ain't human, pal. Emilia isn't human, and neither are Rem or her sister. Hell, Emilia's a half elf."
"Half elf? Are you implying that it's possible for humans to even interbreed with a filthy xenos?" Magnus growled.
Subaru flushed, and a dark aura surrounded him as a sword appeared in his hand. "You don't look so human yourself, asshole. Be careful who you-"
"Subaru. I shall deal with him. Be at ease," a firm female voice ordered, and the energy surrounding the young man faded.
"Er, you got it, goddess," Subaru agreed, stepping back as a woman in a black dress with a black veil over her face entered. But Magnus could see her ears.
"Oh, you think you can stop me, knife ear?" Magnus sneered, and reached out to the Warp. "Well, I'll just have to...have to…" Magnus swallowed, as he realized that the Warp wasn't there. It wasn't that some barrier blocked him from accessing it, it was simply that was completely and utterly gone.
"Not so arrogant without your powers are you?" the xenos woman asked, giving Magnus a tight smile. "Well. You're just a bit too big for your britches, and our domain in general. Here. Let me fix that."
Before Magnus could react, dark hands appeared around him, gently caressing his body. He was hugged, squeezed, and the next thing he knew, shrunk to be no more than two meters in height. He was still the tallest person in the room, the xenos being rather short, and the other man of only average height, but he felt vaguely uneasy being the same size as normal humans.
Smiling, the Xenos nodded to Magnus. "Now. Introductions. I am Satella, Goddess of Death."
"Goddess of...Death? But...you're an...eldar," Magnus managed to avoid calling her a witch, a fortunate act for him, as he might not have survived the experience. Not that death was much of a barrier to Satella.
"I am becoming an aeldari , yes," Satella agreed. "However, more properly, I was born as a half elf, of human and elven stock. Come, walk with me."
Slowly, Magnus trailed after this newest goddess, who led him out of the house and onto a path. The exterior of the house was made of brightly painted wood, and was surrounded by gardens, fountains, and statues of various heroes and saints in Eris's service, carved of stones or cast in bronze or other metals. There was a cobblestone path, which led to a wrought iron fence and gate set against a wide road paved with a type of concrete. More houses, some lavish, others more modest, but all of different styles, could be seen, nestled amidst trees, gardens, and one set against a burbling brook.
"What is this place?" Magnus demanded, unable to stay cowed or humble for long. "Where is the warp?"
"This is the Divine Realm; the Warp is not connected to this plane. Or rather, our pantheon's little corner of it," Satella explained as she continued along the path. "We live here with our most treasured companions and followers, those that we have chosen to live alongside us. Subaru is my Knight, and lives over there with the others."
Satella indicated a large manor house off in the distance, and Subaru blushed and muttered something about 'Emilia likes it' under his breath.
"And you are the goddess of death? Is this Divine Realm a sort of afterlife?" Magnus demanded.
"In a way, yes. We do visit the afterlives of our followers, but, well, we need a break from time to time. I am in charge of most of them, and actually spend little time here," Satella explained. "For now, Eris asked me to come and mediate between you and your son and his lover."
"No gene son of mine will ever-" Magnus cut himself off, realizing the folly of insulting someone who had just proclaimed herself an elf, which he recalled was an old word for the Eldar. And was also a Death Goddess on her home turf.
"You know," Satella observed as they walked down the street. "I do recall you having a few complaints about your own progenitor. That they did not listen, insisted they were always right, refused to bend, and ignored fundamental aspects of human psychology. I wonder, is it true that we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of our forebears?"
Magnus jerked to a halt, feeling a mixture of rage, horror, irritation and fear. He sorted through them for a moment, then managed, "You would compare this to Prospero?"
Satella turned to face Magnus, her eyes glowing with a baleful light behind her veil. "I would compare two stubborn individuals who had decided they were right and their children wrong before they even listened to what their children had to say. Do you know who Macha is? Do you know who Gabriel Angelos is? Of their shared history? Or did you merely see your genetic legacy and an elf?"
For a moment, Magnus struggled to speak. If he'd had access to the warp, he might have attacked this goddess in a rage. As it was, he was helpless in this place, or at least compared to her he was. He managed to nod, and in a strangled voice said, "I will listen to what they have to say."
"Good. That is all I ask for now," Satella declared, then turned and moved back along the path. As they walked, two children, both boys around eight years of age approached them, riding on bicycles. One was tall and fair, with sandy blond hair and eyes with epicanthic folds, while the other was shorter with dark eyes and hair. Both had mischievous grins, and approached the Goddess of Death with no qualms.
"Hi Aunty Satella!" the taller of the pair called. "When's mom and dad coming back?"
"Ristarte and Seiya are yet fighting the forces of evil, Mash. I am afraid Hestia and Bell are also engaged, Odie. I myself will be here only a short time."
"Who's the funny looking red guy?" Odie asked, frowning at Magnus.
"He is one of the sons of the Empress. He is here on important business, but will remain only a short time."
"Is he a god?" Mash demanded. "I wanna be a god when I grow up."
"I am not," Magnus said, feeling a bit perplexed. "Are you...are you the children of goddesses?"
"Yeah, but our dads were mortal so we're not gods. We're like, demi gods or something?" Mash said. He shrugged. "Whatever. Lili says she'll take care of us until mom gets back. I miss her though. Bye Aunty!"
"Goodbye. You two behave," Satella called as the boys rode away on their bikes. They laughed and high fived Subaru as they rode past, then they were gone.
"That is...interesting," Magnus mused, thoughtfully watching the children as they played. "The goddesses took mortal lovers?"
"Indeed. Hestia and Ristarte gave up much to be with their husbands. Very nearly their own divinity. But come. Let us meet with your son and his lover."
Somehow, Magnus managed to hold back a biting comment and followed Satella to a small cottage nestled back in the woods away from the street. It was made of dark wood, and had an air of mystery about it. That combined with the small animal skulls, various arcane runes and the big black cauldron on the porch practically screamed "witches home."
"My dwelling. Eris has Macha and Angelos within. Subaru, if you would wait outside?"
"Of course, goddess," Subaru agreed, and took up a position outside the door, leaning his back against the frame. Within the cottage, Magnus got the impression that this was a place of secret trysts, from the candles, thick, dark curtains, and the lavish bedchamber that could be seen through an open door. This only rankled him further, especially since he found the Chapter Master of the Blood Angels sitting at a table with Eris and the Eldar Farseer. Interestingly, Gabriel had been shrunken as well, and he wore a comfortable looking cashmere robe.
When Magnus entered, both Angelos and Macha sprang to their feet, both of them falling into wary fighting stances.
"Be at peace, my daughter," Satella told Macha. "And you as well, Gabriel. Magnus is here to listen. As am I."
"Daughter?" Macha asked warily. "Who are you? Another goddess? But you are-" the farseer sucked in a breath as she got a clearer look at Satella.
"You are not aeldari ," Gabriel rumbled, his gaze shifting between Magnus and Satella. "But you are not human either. And you. Magnus."
"Son," Magnus replied stiffly, trying to maintain a neutral expression.
"Why don't you have a seat, I made tea," Eris said, gesturing to two empty chairs. Magnus and Satella sat, and Eris quickly served up piping out drinks for the both of them. Magnus dropped in a single sugar cube, stirring silently as he regarded his son and the eldar witch.
"My...my lady, are you...are you Ynnead?" Macha managed, her breathing shallow as her eyes blazed with intensity.
"No. I am, however, the new aeldari Goddess of Death. I have already recruited some number of followers with the help of my new High Priestess Yvraine. Thus far, I have saved a number of souls from Slaanesh. Soon, I shall take the fight to that abomination with the aid of my sisters, and destroy the anathema for all time," Satella swore, her own eyes burning with passion. Eris nodded, looking much like Satella's sister, or perhaps half sister, as both shared the purple eyes and silver hair, along with the dark clothes and awesome power.
"You would...you would save the aeldari ?" Macha wondered, and Angelos put a steadying hand on her shoulder as the farseer clutched at the table for support. She licked her lips nervously. "Has my father...has Eldrad learned of you?"
"You are the daughter of Eldrad Ulthran?" Magnus interrupted, blinking in surprise.
Macha and Angelos glared at Magnus, but she nodded. "I am. Like my father, I walk the path of the seer. To seek a future for our people. I had thought to find it with Gabriel, but...perhaps there is another way."
"I was never your future," Angelos rumbled. "I have told you: in the end, our duty shall drive us apart. And besides with me, you can bear no children."
"Hmm," Satella said, and shared a look with Eris.
"What, really? You think Madoka would go for altering their biology like that?" Eris asked. "I can tell you right now that Sigmari would totally be against us altering humanity. And especially her precious space marines."
"Then I shall be persuasive," Satella said with a shrug. "Besides, it is not as great an alteration as you might think. The aeldari are not dissimilar to elves biologically. Only some minor changes would be needed to make the species compatible."
"Wait, hold on, WHAT?" Magnus demanded. "You can't just-that would require rewriting genetic code and possibly even the rules of how biology works!"
"Yeah," Eris agreed, giving Magnus an incredulous look. "Who do you think made the laws about how that stuff works in the first place?"
"Well, I mean, no one they just…" Mangus trailed off, blinking. "Are you telling me the chaos gods created humanity?"
"No, but some goddess or other did," Eris replied. "But that's not what we're here to talk about. You, Magnus, are here to listen. Because right now, we're here about you, your son, and I guess the mother of your future grandchildren if Satella has her way."
"Children?" Macha managed. "But...the aeldari ...children are rare regardless, and…"
"I am the Goddess of Death, but also of rebirth," Satella said gently. "Under my care, the aeldari shall flourish once more. Though the excesses of the past should be avoided. And, I would foster the alliance between mankind and aeldari , as you and Gabriel have done."
"That is...I serve no god nor goddess, but only the Golden Throne on Holy Terra," Gabriel said, looking troubled. "Tempt me not, goddess, for the Emperor-"
"Is the Empress now," Magnus sighed. "And hopefully reconsidering her idiotic position on goddesses."
Angelos rounded on Magnus, a snarl on his lips. "I have purged heretics before, daemon. My own gene father or not, I would cast you down like the rest."
"Gabriel, he is not...I did not sense any taint upon him in the materium, or here," Macha said quietly. "And, look. He has two eyes."
Magnus slowly reached up to touch his restored eye, nodding. "Madoka, Goddess of Hope, has restored my blighted eye. I see a better future now. One where humanity can survive."
"But not the aeldari ?" Gabriel demanded, his jaw set stubbornly. "Macha has been an ally and balm to me, heretic. More than you."
That, for some reason, hurt Magnus, though he knew he had been the enemy of his son most of his life as the Daemon Prince of Tzeentch. "I have much to atone for. Perhaps...even my treatment of xenos."
That seemed to take Gabriel aback, and he looked to Macha.
"I...I have no visions to guide us here," Macha admitted. "But, as I told you back on the Ominus… something has changed in the winds of fate. My father sent me to confer with you, for he had a vision of a future of peace between humanity and the aeldari . And...perhaps...it could be interpreted other ways, but...I bore a child. One with ears like hers." Macha indicated Satella, who managed to look quite smug as she sipped at her tea.
"But I can father no children. I am an astartes. We are-" Angelos blinked, then looked back at Satella and Eris. "Are you truly goddesses?"
"Yeah, but I'm a maiden goddess, so I am staying well out of this one. You want to talk kids and stuff, take it up with Satella, Ristarte, and Hestia."
"And I am afraid that while I can easily claim dominion over the aeldari , provided they all follow me," Satella said. Macha nodded eagerly, a look of desperate longing and hope on her face as her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "I cannot do the same for you, Gabriel. You are Sigmari's creature, whether she acknowledges she is a goddess or not. I might be able to claim personal dominion over you, Gabriel, should you swear yourself to my service, but I think that unlikely."
"I would never forswear the Emperor. Or, Empress, as the case may be," Gabriel confirmed. "Not even for Macha."
"Nor would I ask such a thing of you. But, Gabriel, if we could have a child together...think of what that would mean. Not just for us, but for our people. To have the aeldari and humanity joined as one...it would be a powerful symbol. One that could bring peace!" Macha pleaded. "We must make our case before my father first, but I am certain he would give his blessing. Then, if we presented our case to the ruler of mankind…"
"I am not sure how mother would feel about such a union," Magnus admitted reluctantly. "Much of my...antipathy, shall we say, for the eldar stems from the fact that back when he was a man, I found the Emperor in the company of some eldar women of loose morals, shall we say."
"Are you claiming the Emperor consorted with xenos prostitutes?!" Gabriel demanded, his eyes going wide. "That is Heresy!"
"So am I, Gabe," Macha said, rolling her eyes. "And it's true. Father plied the Emperor with aeldari women. They were the only ones that could last more than a night with him anyway."
"Tell me about it. Having to clean up after him he spent a night with a human was disgusting," Magnus sighed. "The ones who survived were always maimed horribly."
"WHAT?!" the two goddesses shrieked, both of them utterly outraged.
"Sigmari had congress with mortals and KILLED THEM?!" Eris demanded, her eyes burning with anger and rage.
"Does she know NOTHING!?" Satella snarled. "A goddess or god cannot simply couple with a mortal without taking certain precautions! Otherwise they are likely to kill or cripple their partner!"
"Well, that is what happened," Magnus admitted, leaning away from the irate goddesses. "More than once, actually. Father was a bit of a horndog. I'm worried about what will happen when she takes another lover now that she's up and about again. Not sure if she prefers women or men, she's had a history with both. Something about things getting boring after a few millennia. But anyway, yes, he killed most of his human lovers, and more than one xenos as well."
"I just..why!? Didn't Sigmari figure how what would happen after the first one?!" Eris demanded, clutching at her head.
"I mean, I'm sure they did but, well, what choice did they have? People were always throwing themselves at the Emperor, and well, he had needs," Magnus said defensively.
Satella was rubbing the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger, her eyes squeezed shut. "Regardless, this is a callous disregard for human life on a personal level. Frankly, as someone who has uncountable lovers, I find it worrying that a god could so easily use a mortal for their own pleasure and toss them aside so easily."
"Well, father didn't simply toss them aside, he did see to it the survivors got medical attention. And he was always proud that they went out with a bang, so to speak. He said it was better to go out in the throes of passion than the depths of despair after all," Magnus said nervously.
"Or, you know, you could just remain chaste. It's not that hard. I've never taken a lover, and I'm in my 8th millenia!" Eris cried in exasperation. "This is just...unacceptable. I refuse to work with someone so selfish!"
"The Emperor is far from selfish," Gabriel snapped, glaring at both Magnus and the Goddesses. "For millennia he suffered for mankind, living in eternal torment upon the Golden Throne."
"That's true I guess. But still...using mortals like that...it's too close to human sacrifice for my taste. Madoka did talk about how the Black Ships are going to stop and stop now, right?" Eris demanded.
"Er, they're not needed, the Empress is healed," Magnus said. "Besides, they were necessary, but not anymore."
Eris opened her mouth to argue further, but Satella put a hand on her shoulder. "It is not our place to judge. She was their only god, and without her they would have fallen to Chaos. They did what they had to for survival. But this stops now. I think the Empress is in desperate need of some sex ed."
"Yeah, well, have fun with that," Eris muttered, shaking her head.
"Oh no. I think I know who to send in this circumstance," Satella said with a wicked grin. "Ristarte has always been...passionate...about love making."
Eris made a disgusted face and mimed a gag, which made the non-goddesses at the table wonder about her maturity level. Which was, as with most immortal beings who are eternal adolescents, somewhat questionable.
"...anyway," Magnus said, feeling a bit worried about just what the somewhat perverted healing goddess would be telling the Empress. He took a deep breath, and gritted his teeth. "Look, I...overreacted. I haven't been a very good gene father, and it would be wrong of me to judge your relationship when I know so little about either of you. Especially after, ah, I spent a few millennia as a daemon prince. So, I would like to get to know the two of you a little better."
"You are truly penitent? You have turned back to serve the Imperium and the Emper...ess?" Gabriel demanded. When Magnus nodded, the Chapter Master looked to Macha.
"We first met on the planet Tartarus," Macha explained. "Our relationship started as hostile as you would expect that of a farseer and captain of space marines to; that is, we tried to kill one another."
"That has been, perhaps, the most fortunate failure of my life," Gabriel said gently, and put a giant hand over Macha's. Magnus forced down his anger at this display as Gabriel and Macha continued their story. Change. The goddesses brought change. And not the lies and treachery of Tzeentch. Magnus looked to Eris, who was now smiling at the love story, as was Satella.
Maybe grandchildren wouldn't be so bad. Even if they would be filthy xenos spawn.
Satella kicked Mangus under the table, and he realized he'd been grimacing. The goddess simply sipped at her tea, and Magnus made himself smile. He supposed he'd done much worse in his life than gain an eldar daughter in law.