"Hmm, looks like I still need some adjusting." Ryou said as we packed up our cards again.
"Yeah, take out Resembling Radiance annnnnnnd use this instead." I said handing him a card from my own collection.
"Really? But Resembling Radiance isn't too bad." He said in surprise.
"Read the card." I said simply, sipping on my third tea since we got up here.
"Oh! Wait does this mean…?"
"You won't be able to use the buff on all your monsters but it doesn't require a specific condition to use and with the amount of cards you have to retrieve from the Grave you can use it more than once." Yugi said happily.
"Wow, thanks Yugi!"
I smiled, proud of my work here. He's got a strong deck now, and one of his own he seems quite happy with. I think the lighter side of this deck should help him heal too. Atem did good to pick this one. I must thank him later.
Speaking of he should be finished soon.
"Do you want to duel again?" Ryou asked.
"You know what? Yes." I said pleasantly, reshuffling my deck.
"Yugi, Ryou." Atems voice called from downstairs happily.
"We're up here!" I called back loudly but the strain caused me to start coughing uncontrollably until well after he had found us. To my grateful surprise he brought water with him and I drank it up quickly, thankful I could finally breathe again.
"You know a simple call out is all it takes to let me know where you are, you don't have to go all out as to throw out your throat to do it." Atem said amusingly. He thought he was top shit.
"You are so funny." I said unamusedly but I gave him a warm smile all the same.
"So how was your shift?" Ryou asked.
"Good. It wasn't too much busier but it seems there will be more and more people from now on."
"Christmas period. Everyone's buying Christmas presents and with those new cards coming out I expect there will be preorders too." I said simply, returning to my tea.
"I did my first one of those today! It feels strange though. She paid us but didn't walk out with anything." He said as if confused. Cute!
"Yeah she pays us to keep one for them and then she'll pay the rest when she picks it up. It's smart if there's something you really want but don't want to risk missing out."
"I understand but it still feels strange to me."
"Your country never held goods for others until payment was made?" Ryou asked curiously.
"There were some leeway but generally if the goods could be paid for they would be. That is why we made such powerful rulers. We had goods that all wanted and if any wanted to bargain with us they must be committed and quick or willing to negotiate equal trade. We … were not so generous in our trading but it worked in our favour."
"Hmm. Its definitely different here but its the same for other companies. We're only small so we rely on loyalty to our customers." I said with a shrug.
"Are you saying we weren't loyal?" Atem asked me accusingly. Shit! Did I hurt him?
"No! No not at all! What im saying is that if we sold goods people paid for they wouldn't come back to us. If we were large like Kaiba Corp then we could afford to do that but we're only small, so we have to do what we can for our customers. In the end we're still being paid its just a little different. I didn't mean any offence."
He looked upset though. His usually warm eyes were pained; his usually softened features were torn between anger and disbelief. He shifted his weight on one hip, crossed his arms over his chest. If I don't fix this now he'll be mad with me all night. Damn it way to go Yugi. I never wanted this.
He bent down then face to face with me and after a short stern, uncomfortable while as I wondered what kind of scolding I was going to get, he booped my nose and grinned.
"I'm playing with you Yugi." He said smugly.
.
.
.
Bastard!
I smacked his hand away and pouted at him, crossing my arms at him. "I thought I'd actually have hurt your feelings just then bastard!"
"Oh it's not okay when I play the brat but when you do it it's fine!" He said, smirking smugly.
"Did you just call me a brat?"
"Did you not just call me a bastard?" He retorted.
"Well if the sandal fits!" I said back to him. He's laughing at me now and while I know we're playing I don't think Ryou does. I can see him in the corner of my eye actually worried, his hands in the air… maybe we can play this out, show him that he and I don't always get along.
"I'll show you a sandal that fits Yugi. Come here!" Atem said, catching me by surprise by wrapping his arms around me to tickle my ribs. I fell back laughing hysterically, trying my hardest to push and wriggle him off but I found myself paralysed with laughter. So much for mock arguing, but this was so much better. I love how free he is with me. Never before was he ever so playful. We'd enjoy games together, talk to each other, laugh together but since he got his own body back I'm getting to know him all over again. I never expected the once so cool and collected, serious Pharaoh to be this playful and bratty and adorably clueless. I honestly thought his personality was set in stone, with or without his memories, but this was so much more than I could have imagined. He wasn't just alive right now, he was lively … and I adored it!
And oh my god I can't think anymore! This tickles so much!
"Okay, okay guys." Ryou laughed nervously. I think he scrambled to pick up our cards before we rolled all over them but Atem would not stop attacking my ribs, my stomach, under my arms, anywhere he could get really.
"Okay, okay stop. Stop. Stop please." I said between laughter and coughing and he relented, smug as hell on his face as he sat cross legged and armed beside me.
"Are you going to call me a bastard again?" He asked.
"Maybe later." I giggled, getting up and keeping a weary gaze on him.
"You two alright now? Don't need to be left alone?" Ryou asked. I don't know when he stood up but he looked half unsure if he should be here… now I feel bad. I didn't mean to exclude him like that.
"Nah we're fine. But I think you should show Atem what we've been working on." I said.
"Oh, been making progress?" Atem asked with keen interest and a sparkle in his eye. There he was, the dueling enthusiast.
"We have, yes. Thank you so much for your help earlier. I am very happy with the deck we've created." Ryou said with a warm smile as he played with the cards he collected.
"Well I'd be happy to test them against ours." Atem said delightedly but Ryou stiffened. I caught it. I don't know if Atem did but it was there.
"It might be fun." I said encouragingly, moving to help him sort our cards. In his haste to protect them both our decks got shuffled together. It wouldn't take long to separate them but my point of helping was more to encourage him to relax. I know he's nervous right now. Some time between Atem returning and now he was triggered. I don't know what exactly, but hopefully I can calm the alarms right now.
"Thank you. But I think I should be heading back soon anyway. I've gotta pick up some groceries anyway. I can't live on air or so they tell me." Ryou laughed. I don't know if that was an excuse or not but looking at the time and considering how far he has to travel I suppose I can't hold him here. Unless…
"You could have dinner with us! Stay the night and tomorrow we'll go grocery shopping! There's some things I wanna pick up anyway and I'd like to get out of the house. Not to mention, Atem's been locked up here all week, I'm sure he'd love to get out for a while, right?" I asked him, nodding for him to agree with me. He didn't miss a beat and nodded quickly.
"Yes I'd love to." I knew I could rely on him.
"See? What do you say?" I asked.
He thought about it, clearly uncomfortable but also fighting against his instinct to decline. "It might be nice to have some friendly company for once…" I added softly, getting in his face to reinforce my point. Come on Ryou. Say yes.
"Mmm… but I …"
"It's okay." I said gently, touching his arm softly. He never flinched but something happened. A micro flash in his eyes as if I'd just touched his heart and he was recoiling fast. Afraid. I've pushed too hard. Do I keep pushing? I don't want him alone right now.
"But if at any point you need to be alone you can be. We'll understand and won't intrude. And if you truly want to go home tonight then that's okay too. I dont want to kidnap you against your will. Just know you can stay here safely, even if you want to be alone at least we can just be in another room and you'll be safe here." I said, retreating swiftly but calmly, collecting my cards from his and handing his back to him.
He took them gratefully, chewing his lip nervously but I didn't press. I've done enough potential damage, it's up to him to decide how much I've done.
"Okay." He said finally and I beamed. I did it! I actually did it!
Oh right! Play it cool. Don't scare him off.
"Great! I'll let grandpa know and tomorrow the three of us will go shopping. Tonight we can play games, watch movies, chat … whatever we want." I said happily and turned to leave but froze in place as I remembered I forgot to ask Atem if he minded. I know he won't say he does but I didn't even think …
"That's okay with you, right?" I asked him, hoping he will say yes but also wondering what his true feelings were. He smiled and nodded and gave me that 'we'll talk later' look. I feel a little guilty but I can't just let Ryou go right now. I sense something dark in him I cannot ignore and I want to do everything I can to steer him away from it.
"Alright, I'll be right back." I said and raced out of the room.
He left so quickly, probably to be back here as soon as possible. There wasn't any rush to let Mr. Moto know the plan but still I suppose he's eager. I still can't quite place why I feel so down about this. I know Ryou needs company right now and what he's going through is a lot but Yugi's desire to get involved is intense. Would he be like this with anyone else? Would he be like this with me? What does it take to be the star in his eye?
I let out a tiny sigh, momentarily forgetting I am not alone and I caught Ryou shift nervously as he busied himself with his new cards.
"I'm sorry if I'm intruding tonight. I can still go and give you two some privacy -"
"No!" I said quickly and perhaps a little too sharply. I did it without thinking but now I have to save it. "Not at all. It would be good to have company tonight. Besides I think Yugi could use it too. Having been sick lately he's not had a lot of time to spend with anyone besides me."
"If you're sure. I don't want to get in the way."
"You couldn't be in the way." There's a silent pause and its awkward. Yugis not back yet and I don't want Ryou convincing himself to leave. For starters Yugi would be worried about him, and secondly I would too behind my own ugly jealousy. I don't know what Bakura did to him but whatever it is has him troubled and Yugi worried, almost desperately so. I need to put my jealousy aside and be that kind person Yugi thinks I am.
"So … show me what you and Yugi have done with your deck?" I asked, hoping my sincerity would come through and he would oblige.
"Okay." He said, almost happily. Good. He's trying.
As the credits rolled Ryou and myself stretched out and yawned, noticing Yugi fast asleep against the corner the corner of the lounge. At night his cold would flare up and he'd become tired very easily but it was good he was sound asleep. Still, that meant it was time to wake him and put ourselves to bed. I wonder what the sleeping arrangements will be. We hadn't even discussed it.
"Should we wake him?" Ryou asked me, a whisper.
"Yes…" I said, hesitating. Hes so cute when he sleeps though.
"Before we do…"
"Yes?" I ask, retreating my hand instantly.
"... are you … going to tell him?"
Hello nerves, welcome back.
"T-tell him what?" I ask stupidly. Of course I know what.
"That you love him-"
"Shhhhh!" I hushed him quickly, holding my hands to him to make him shut up. I know Yugis asleep but he's cheeky. He might just be resting and if he heard him say that it could ruin everything. I am not ready for him to know that yet.
"Sorry."
I sighed and stood, beckoning him to follow. I took him to Yugis room to gather pillows and his blanket but mostly so we could talk without him waking up.
"Its just I don't know what he'll think if I did tell him. Its clear to everyone he's in love with someone else and I don't want to complicate anything. He might hate me … or he might not want anything to do with me. What if he throws me out… he's all I have in this world, I cannot lose him over some stupid feelings I can hide. So if it's all the same Id rather keep this quiet."
"Hmm… I understand your concern. You and he have a very unique and codependent relationship. But I really don't think he would hate you for how you feel. Actually… I wouldn't be surprised if telling him opens more opportunities for you than you realise."
What does he mean by that?
"Just an observation. Personally, honesty is the best policy. But ill keep quiet. I promise. It should be you that tells him." He said, taking the blanket off me and leaving a very confused Pharaoh alone in Yugi's room.
I'm running. As fast as my legs can take me. The alleyway never stops. The repetitious splattering of water as my feet hit the wet concrete follow me everywhere, echoing off the brick but I cannot stop. I must not stop.
Behind me his laughter follows, a reminder that he's never far and at any moment, if I ever stop, he will find me. But my footfalls tell him where I am. He knows where I am and even though I am not in his grasp, the moment I stop to hide, he will be there.
I turn corners and still every long alley looks the same. I am only grateful that I do not turn into him. I want to risk looking back but I cannot. I must not. If I falter he will find me.
My chest is hurting, my legs are on fire, I cannot breathe but I must not stop.
"Help me." I gasp, wheezing as the air is hard to swallow. I'm faltering. Slowly and its unstoppable now.
"PLEASE HELP ME!" I scream, stopping finally. I know he'll catch me. I know he'll find me. My screaming will lure him right to me. But I scream in the hope that someone else will find me. Someone's recently given me hope… I don't know who but it's there, and that's why I'm asking. Please… anyone… please help me!
"No one's coming Ryou." His voice is a sensual whisper on the wind, alluring in it's own way and it made me feel sick.
Please don't fail me. Please!
"Go away." I tell him, my voice weak as my body shakes. I'm so scared. So terrified he'll hurt me, or worse take over me again. Please don't hurt anyone.
"Go away." He mocked me and laughed. He's a disembodied voice dancing around me, playing with me like a cat with a mouse. "Ryou… No one's coming to help you."
"No… you're lying." I tell him but my strength is weak...and he knows it.
"Am I?" He asks.
No… he's never lied to me. He tells me truths I don't want to face, but I don't think he's ever lied to me.
"Please go away." I whimper. My knees fail me and I crumple to the concrete floor, burying my head in my hands to block him out but he's grabbing me now. His hands are squeezing my shoulders but his laughter is fading.
"Ryou." He whispers.
"Go away." I whimper.
"Ryou!" He tries again. Always so insistent.
"GO AWAY!" I scream, finally trying to push him off me.
Adrenaline takes over and for the first time in my life I managed to grab him, feeling my hands around his arms as now he finally has them, and I push him onto the concrete. Only when I blink it's not concrete beneath him but carpet… and it's not him beneath me… but Yugi.
He's wide eyed, terrified but it's not him. He's still under me, breathing rapidly in short shallow bursts, afraid to move.
I attacked him. I frightened him. Oh no… have I hurt him?
"Ryou… its okay-"
"Yugi i am so sorry." I quickly got off him, burying my head into the carpet, hoping he won't be mad with me. Hes done so much for me already and all I've repayed him with is badluck. I got him sick, I pushed him down, I burden him with my problems. I am bad luck.
My father is dead. Those people are dead. If I stay with Yugi he might die too. I could have killed him. I wanted to. I wanted to hurt him. I thought he was him and I could have… I wanted to…
What am I?
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!"
"Ryou snap out of it!" Yugi snapped at me, pulling me up to meet him. He shouted at me. Hes mad! I knew it. Of course he is! I attacked him in his own house.
"I'm sorry!"
He frowned, his lips formed a line and then all of a sudden I heard the slap before I felt the harsh sting to my cheek. My eyes watered, my nose tingled but I no longer thought beyond that.
I can't think… beyond these words. He slapped me.
Idiot.
He wasn't mad. He was never mad. I wasn't listening to him. I was so focused on my own self loathing that I never paid him attention. He was worried. And he snapped me out of it.
"Ryou I am so sorry, are you okay? I'm sorry for hitting you it's just-"
"Yugi… I'm sorry."
"Please don't apologise anymore it's okay." He said.
I smiled, nursing my cheek and shook my head.
"No for making you snap me out of it. Thank you."
"Oh … well your welcome. Are you okay?" He asked bashfully. Always so kind.
"You gave us quite the scare." Atem said quietly by the couch. This was the first I noticed him. Hes been so quiet during that whole ordeal.
"Mm. Yes. I didn't hurt you did I?" I asked Yugi.
"No im fine. Im more concerned for you." He said, shaking his head no.
"Mm… the nightmares have been coming every night. I should have said something but I always hope that maybe ill be too tired to dream."
I don't know what I expected but I know I didn't expect Yugi to smile and lower his eyes in some kind of understanding.
"Me too."
I heard the silent gasp from both myself and Atem and when Yugi looked at us with that smile… that tired, sad, strong smile … I truly feel understood. But how? How can he understand? He's not plagued by a spirit that wants to hurt him. He's not tormented by the literal ghosts of his past. How can he understand me? And what's more… there's something Atem doesn't know about him?
"Ive been having nightmares every night too. I hoped that having company and sleeping elsewhere from my room might help. Im lucky to have Atem with me always to wake me up, but they don't stop."
He has nightmares too? Every night? But… what are they?
"Dont worry about freaking out before. I did that once to Atem a few nights ago." He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head with his tongue out cutely.
"Yugi! Did you have to tell him that?" Atem whined. I am seeing so many new sides to their dynamic I never thought possible. They played, they laughed, they argued and Atem, the Pharaoh… actually acted like a normal person. Bakura made him out to be weak, a manipulator and careless, heartless person who hid behind fake notions of kindness and loyalty. Bakura never lied to me… but maybe he was wrong.
"I'm not proud either." Yugi admitted.
"Do you…" I began but lost my nerve when he looked at me, waiting.
"Mm?"
"Umm… do you mind… telling me what your nightmares are about?" I asked.
He blinked and for a moment I actually expected him to be okay with this, but his open, happy nature shifted to one that was closed. Perhaps it was too soon to ask. "You dont have to. Its just, I didn't know something was bothering you too. I mean… aside from-"
"My insecurities of being alone… that's what you wanted to say." Yugi cut in for me.
Stupid! He confided in me earlier and I was just about to blurt it out in front of Atem, the very person he's afraid to lose. But… he said it for me. I glanced at Atem whose attention was solely on Yugi. He looks as curious as me. Has he not told Atem everything either? How much has Yugi been hiding from us?
"I think that pretty much sums up my nightmares. They're all under the same realm of being left behind one way or another." Yugi said, standing up and stretching lazily.
"I imagine yours are the opposite. Your not alone, but you want to be for the first time in your life. So you run, but he's always there… right?"
"How… did you know?"
He smiled at me and turned to look outside. The glass was fogging up because it was so cold outside but from here he could still see the city and the moonlight coming through.
"Because no matter how alone he makes me feel he's always there too. Not so literal as yours sometimes but I dream of him taking my life away, or taking everyone else away from me. I call out for everyone but all of you just walk away, as if I've been forgotten. If your not leaving on your own then it's him … and diabound…and a distinct lack of ability to breathe." He said the last part quietly, touching his neck absently.
They told me what Bakura and Diabound did to him. How they choked the life out of him and it was the Puzzle that saved him… not once has he ever mentioned it until now though.
He turned to us then, a strong but injured smile on his face. Something so admirable and worrying at the same time. I had no idea he was hiding pain. And I've been coming to him about all of this never knowing… never asking.
"We'll take him down. Before he can hurt us again we will stop him and make him pay for everything he's ever done. For his crimes in Egypt and for what he did to Atem. For his crimes in this life and all the people he's hurt, for hurting you and me… we will stop him once and for all and when we do, you'll be free." He said strongly. He knelt before me, touched my shoulder and relayed every ounce of determination onto me. How was he so strong?
"Believe in us." He told me. Was it so simple? He believed… Atem believed… our friends must believe too. Can we do it?
"It won't be easy but as long as we have each other he will never win." Atem said fondly.
"Right. You're right. Thank you." I said happily. I still felt frightened but I felt comforted with them here. I'm glad I stayed the night.
"We should get some sleep. Are you alright?" Yugi asked me.
"Mm. Yes I think I will be." I said warmly. Truth is, yes I was still terrified. I am still vulnerable. But I feel safe enough to try and sleep with them here. Bakura can't hurt me in my dreams and with them here at my back, at least I wont suffer alone when I'm awake. That will do… for now. "Goodnight guys. Thank you."
"Good night Ryou. Sleep well." Yugi said softly as he crawled back on the couch.
I can't sleep. After Ryou's nightmare and Yugi's speech I could not get the image of him absently touching his neck out of my mind and the words of his 'insecurities of being alone'. I know he was afraid of these things. He's been dreaming of being alone or dying every night since that night ... but I did not know these fears ran so deeply. He had confided in Ryou at some point but was there more he knew that I did not? Was I missing something? I want to make him believe I will protect him but what more can I do to convince him? These nightmares still plague him and it seems all I do to relieve him of any burdens does not help if he still fears it so. How can I convince him that at the very least, I of all will not leave him.
I sighed in quiet frustration. I hated how much Bakura had hurt him in one night. Yugi is the bravest person I know and yet somehow, in one night Bakura had gotten under his skin, loosened his armour and seeped into his mind. No matter how much I try to comfort him it does not seem enough.
"Psst." A whisper... from Yugi? Ryou is sound asleep by now and I thought Yugi was as well. Apparently not. Lifting myself up onto my shoulders I see he's done the same, leaning heavily on one arm to look at me. "You can't sleep?" He whispered. How is he so perceptive... but then if he's awake then he can't either. He never could sleep when there was something on his mind.
"No..." I'd ask him the same but I know the answer, and he knows I do. I can't make out his features but the soft glow of the moon seeping into the room outlined his position. He was relaxed with no intention of laying back down to try. "Wanna go talk somewhere?" I ask.
"Yep." He whispered eagerly.
Sneaking out of the loungeroom was a fun challenge in itself. It was almost impossible to climb off the couch without stepping on Ryou's mattress and Yugi needed to wait for me to leave first before he could try. But once we were free we tip toed down to the store, taking the blanket I was using and a couple of cushions. We made ourselves comfortable in the middle of the floor, wrapping the blanket around both of us to keep warm. The cold nights were getting chillier now as winter rolled in and Yugi's night clothes were starting to do little to keep the chill out. I am glad we're going shopping tomorrow. With the money Mr. Moto has given me for my shift today perhaps I can buy something a little warmer to wear.
"So what's on your mind?" Yugi asked me. His voice was little more than a whisper, hushed so as not to wake Ryou upstairs. It was nice though, somehow intimate. I feel like this moment is just for us... finally.
"A lot Ife. Perhaps too much." I said softly. I did not mean to lead him in but the words came naturally. I have a lot on my mind but I am still tired as well. It was one thing to be woken by Yugi's nightmares but to be woken to Ryou's as well.
"Walk me through them. You can trust me." He said, nudging me affectionately. The streetlight peeking through the windows lit his face nicely and now I can see the patience and warmth he exuded. It took everything to resist the desire to snuggle into him and relent, to risk getting lost in how his warm hugs would feel.
"I saw you touch your neck while you were talking earlier. I know what your nightmares are and what you fear... but I just don't think I knew how far that fear ran. I didn't know they bothered you so deeply. I want to protect you, to prove to you that I won't let any more harm come to you, but I am uncertain how. And I do not want you to feel guilty for this, I just wish I knew what more I could do to ease your burdens." I said softly and honestly. He never flinched, never looked away, never closed himself the way he did upstairs. He was open to me and I have to admit it feels so encouraging. Perhaps he was not hiding anything from me.
"I trust you Atem. I know you'll protect me and everyone else from Bakura. And with everyone's help and support we will beat him down. I believe what I said to Ryou is true."
"But?" I coached.
"But what happened happened. I believe the words but I cannot forget what it felt like. That's something no amount of belief will fix but time. Atem... in the dreams where I'm dying it feels just like it did when it was happening. It feels so real because at the time it was real. It's not that I don't believe I'm safe, I've never felt safer and more at peace than when I'm with you, but I cannot forget how it felt. I think that, even when he's gone the feeling may never leave. It might for a while but at least for now I can barely have a collar on without being reminded of it."
This is true. I had noticed he chose not to wear one today, nor since I took it off him that night. I thought that perhaps his throat was sore, and then he got sick ... I didn't realise he had tried to put it on.
"I ... did not realise there was a deeper reason to you not wearing it." I said slowly.
"Well I mean I have been sick as well but I tried putting it on earlier after my shower and ... I just couldn't. Not without thinking of how the chain felt around my neck." He said, lowering his gaze to his hands in his lap. I touched them gently, lightly checking if this was okay and when he opened them just a little I took them in my own, pleasantly holding onto this feeling as he squeezed mine in return.
"We will get through this. No matter how long it takes, you and I will get through this." I told him warmly. I know now these words will not cure him, will not erase what's been done. What he's been through is a long lasting trauma and I cannot put this pressure on myself like a punishment for it. It is not fair on either of us to do so, but I can at least swear to him that I will be with him to help relieve him of his burdens.
He smiled at me a smile so breath taking I wanted to steal his away. Especially with how the light fell upon his cheeks, made his beautiful starry eyes sparkle, made his plump little lips look so soft and alluring. I could feel his hands tremble slightly but he never let go - if anything he tightened his grasp on mine. I wonder what he's thinking; because it cannot be what I am.
"Thank you. That means so much to me to hear. As for the other part, I think... that's just my stupid brain reminding me of how alone I used to be BP."
That confused me. BP. What is BP? Is that a term I should know? I've never heard him use it before.
"BP?" I ask.
"Before the Puzzle." He giggled and it made so much more sense now. Yes I do remember he used to be lonely before he completed the puzzle and set me somewhat free. It was only after that he began making friends. He claims it was the wish he made to find life long friends but I believe it was his growing confidence that brought us to him.
"Before the Puzzle I had grandpa. That was it. Then you came into my life and while I didn't know you at the time, somehow you gave me confidence and bravery to stand up for myself. Then Joey and Tristan came into my life, Tea after that and Ryou ... with all the adventures we've been through I can't imagine my life without any of you... but now that your not in the puzzle ... I don't know... I think it might be some head thing trying to scare me into thinking that ..." He trailed off, hesitating. Why?
"Yes?" I coaxed, leaning in to catch his attention once more. He grimaced, drew in a shaky deep breath and released slowly. I could feel how nervous he was with how tight his fingers curled around mind and the way his breath rattled but he gathered his strength and continued.
"I'm ... I think I'm afraid of everyone realising how cool you are and leaving me behind. You all have bright futures ahead of you and I ... I don't know what I'll do when you're all pursuing your lives. Tea's got her dancing and will move to America soon. Joey's got plans of being a big shot world duelist. Tristan's got his fathers business to take over... I don't know what Ryou wants to do but I'm sure he'll do great and then you."
I am so surprised right now. I didn't know his fear ran this deeply. He ... actually thinks we'll leave him behind? That couldn't be farther from the truth.
"When you get your papers to let you find work and prove your a citizen of this era, I don't think there's anything that can stop you from doing whatever you want to do. I complimented you before and I meant what I said. You're incredible Atem and I ... I'm afraid I'll hold you back. You can achieve anything and I think the entire world will flock to support you and when that happens... I can't help but wonder where that will leave me. My only skill is in duelling but beside you and Joey... I'm just Yugi Moto."
I cannot bare this much longer. I bravely took his head in my hands and rested my forehead against his, forcing him to look at me and only me. My desire urged me to kiss him, my brain told me not to, my instincts told me to slap him but my heart told me to hold him. This beautiful idiot whom I adore so much cannot feel this way.
"You are Yugi Moto. You are one of a kind, a King in his own right. Everything you said to me the other night is everything inside you as well. You are the one who taught me to be kind. You are the one who taught me compassion and trust. Our friends, me, we didn't come to you because of some wish you made on an old object, we flock to you because of who you are. They didn't become your friends because I was attached to you, they became your friends because they love you. You will never stop fighting for them, never stop supporting them and you never ask for anything in return. I cannot speak for them but to me you are more a puzzle than the actual puzzle is. How you can radiate so much love and light astounds me. Yugi... your path, no matter which one you take, will take you so far of this I am certain and every step you take is a step I will be proud to watch. You are everything I want to be Yugi, so please, I implore you, please give yourself some credit. Your friends love you... I ..."
I can't say it. I can't say it. I mustn't say it.
"I ..." What am I doing? He's looking at me, waiting... the longer I take the worse this gets, the more the meaning changes. Oh my Ra what am I doing? Stop.
"I am honored to be living this life along side the one and only Yugi Moto." I stumbled.
Oh my gods. Osiris take me, Anubis swallow me up. Yugi please ignore me.
He cast his eyes down between us, a smile on his lips and before he did anything else he booped my nose with his own and hummed pleasantly.
"Thank you. Ife." He said so softly I almost didn't hear it. This is the second time he's called me Ife completely unaware of it's true meaning. I had thought he might ask his grandfather but if he has he hasn't told me. It's gone unguarded but ... why did I tell him it meant friend? It hurts to hear him call me that when he cannot know how much it means to me. Still... that aside he listened to me and whats more he seemed to ignore my almost confession.
"Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about." He said, pulling away just a little and giggling softly. I gave him a curious look and he shook his head.
"I was supposed to be comforting you but you ended up comforting me." He said, rolling his shoulders. Silly boy.
"Mm... It helped me more than you know. To be honest I was concerned you might have been hiding some pain from me and to know how deeply your concern was rooted, it helps to help you. I hope I've helped you." I said nervously and he smiled, nodding.
"You have. Thank you." He said happily. My heart was dancing in time with the butterflies in my stomach. I longed to be nose to nose with him again but this will do.
"I have one question though."
Shit.
Crap on the Nile.
Snake in the Reeds.
What could he be about to ask?
I held my breath, waiting behind so much tension I'm sure he can feel it. It brought a smirk to his lips though and I felt myself bracing for whatever was to come. He noticed after all. My almost confession. And now he was about to call me out. He was about to accuse me of something I likely cannot deny. Osiris where are you when your son needs you?!
"Why do you want a job so much if you seem so happy here?" He asked.
That's it? That's his question? Was it not obvious? No... scratch that. Who cares why he was asking, the question is why is he asking that? Did he not notice? What?! Crap he's watching me, clearly wondering why it's taking so long. I don't want him thinking I'm hiding from him considering I just poured my heart out convincing him we don't want to leave him. I might as well answer him.
"Umm... I want to help pay your grandfather for his hospitality. But more than that I want to buy my own clothes so that I stop stealing yours. I don't want to stretch anything you own or get in your way too much so I thought if I were to get a job then I can at least carry my own weight instead of forcing it onto you. I'm already sleeping in your room on your floor and taking up all of your time, not to mention now taking your shifts here and what could have been your earnings... I don't want to impose more than I am so ... I thought that if I get a job then I can help you without putting you out too much." I said nervously and he blinked at me. That's it. He just blinked at me. As if he expected something entirely different.
"Thats it? You want a job so you can buy new clothes?" He asked me incredulously. Was that not a good reason for a job?
"Yes?" I asked, unsure now of how I'm supposed to feel.
"Huh."
"Huh?"
"It's just... I thought perhaps... you might have wanted a bigger space to move around in. I mean you were Pharaoh once, you're used to much bigger places than my loft. I thought that maybe ... you know what it doesn't matter."
"You thought I wanted to move out ... and thus get away from you?" I ask. Now I understand. His fear of being alone drove him to this conclusion when I brought up wanting a job. I should have known his mind would run away with him like this. He nodded bashfully and I sighed gently. This little idiot.
"A bigger space might be nice one day, heavens know sleeping on your bed is more desirable than the futon every night, but for now that is far from my mind. And if I had thought of it, I would not have thought of moving out without you. Furthering that, I couldn't make you leave your grandfather unattended so it would need to be a big enough place for the three of us... which as I understand it would require a much bigger job that a small on the side occupation." I said and he smiled, nodding in agreement.
"Yeah. Well... good. Okay. Well that actually makes me feel so much better. And don't worry! We'll get you some new clothes tomorrow even if I have to chip in to help. I only want a few things so anything left over I'd be happy to help if it means I get my clothes back." He said cheekily.
"Excellent. Perhaps when we are done we might come home with a treat or two." I said happily.
"If you're talking Falafels then definitely. We'll get you as many as you like."
I laughed, my cheeks becoming tender from the smiling he forced upon me. "If we get that many I will need a bigger job."
"Haha! Then we'll start looking for the biggest job there is just so you can spend your massive paychecks on them."
We laughed together, snickering quietly so as not to wake anyone. It was very early after all and I don't think anyone would appreciate waking to two teenage boys laughing away in an empty, echoing shop.
"We should get back to bed if you're feeling better." Yugi said softly. I nodded. Truely I could use the excuse of no I'm not feeling better just so I can stay here with him, but then I'd need to think of a problem just to keep him here. He was right though. We have a big day tomorrow, rest is best.