Disclamer: I don't own the characters; they belong to Shonda Rhimes. This work has no other pretension than to have fun.

Chapter 11

- We have to talk to her, Arizona, she must know!

-No, Amelia, no, we're not going to tell her anything at all. You're gonna figure it out, you need to figure it out, and we're not gonna tell her anything.

Uttering only the words was above her strength, it made real what she was not ready to assume, imagining admitting it to Callie, broke her. She was angry, angry at everything, right now it was Amelia who was paying the costs for it, she knew it was unfair, she loved Amelia, and trusted her, but that, it couldn't happen.

- Arizona, there is no solution and you know it.

- Nicole! You did it for Hermann, you found!

The tone of her voice rises higher than she ever heard, betraying the climax of the emotion that shook her, she felt that at the slightest breath, at the slightest word, she would break into a thousand pieces, like a crystal vase, A thousand pieces that would never fit together again. She tries to recover, forcing herself to breathe deeply and slowly. She had never felt such distress.

- Herman is blind

- But she lives! I want Callie to live. Blind, deaf, mute, I don't care, I want her to live. Please, do it for Callie

She was literally begging her friend now. These arguments were weak, she did not ignore it, she also knew, that from the medical point of view, Amelia was right, but for now, it was not the doctor who was torn, it was the woman in love and this woman had the right to be irrational, she was not going to accept that the cleaver falls, beheading their lives, without reacting.

- I'm sorry, Arizona, I can't do it, and if you find a surgeon who wants to try it, he's crazy!

The neurosurgeon had tears in her eyes, which was not her habit. But she could not renew the madness in which, she had allowed herself to be dragged by the blonde, for Herman's case, and if she had done so, it's that at that time, her judgment was impaired by her own tumor, she was absolutely convinced of it. In full consciousness, she could not take that risk back. She felt helpless, shitty for Callie for Arizona and for Sofia. They were her family and again Amelia Shepherd could not save a family member. It brought up hot memories, she wanted tequila, but even that, she couldn't.

In the room, Arizona was sitting near to Callie's bed, she had put in place all her concealer skills and displayed an always equal smile. Unconsciously, she stared at her, a little more than usual, scrutinizing every detail of her expressive face, she wanted to memorize the slightest facial feature, the slightest freckle, remember her lips, keep the image intact before her eyes.

She listened Callie, unaware of Amelia's decision and the meaning of this decision, laughing face what she considered to be, THE film «Groundhog Day».

Never see the image of her laughing eyes fade, never forget the sound of that laugh, which had always made her days more beautiful. She couldn't be the one who tells her, talk about it, explain it, ask to accept it, and that she would never, ever do. She clears her throat; Callie looks at her with a smile.

-What?

-You are beautiful

-Are you kidding me? Remind me to get Amelia to schedule you for a brain scan, too.

- You're beautiful, and I love you.

Ignoring the thoughts that tortured her ex-wife, the brunette sneered.

However, behind the smile on the closed face, an expression that she could not really define, bothers her, the blue of the eyes was tarnished by the absence of the glow that she always had when she was happy, nevertheless, the Latin returns to the film

- Can you imagine, always reliving the same day? Every day you wake up and hop! the same day starts again.

- Yeah, depends on which one. There are days that I would like to erase, and others that I would like to live over and over again for the rest of my life. So yeah, by choosing the right day, I could absolutely imagine it.

The sad and melancholy tone imbued with nostalgia with which she had spoken these words, alerts the Latin who looks up from the screen.

- Are you okay?

Arizona nods with blinking eyelids

- I love you.

The wrinkled brown eyes question the blonde

- I can't tell the woman of my life that I love her, without justifying myself?

- The woman of your life, hmm?

Hey, there's the woman who's gonna open my brain. If you find dirty thoughts, keep them to yourself, Shepherd

- Callie … Clenched fists tucked into the pockets of her white blouse; the neurologist's eyes moved from Latin to Arizona. I'm sorry... There will be no surgery.

Callie knew the mask of bad news, she had worked in this hospital, she had been a surgeon too, she had to put on the messenger's costume countless times, who in a second and a few words, destroyed hope and demolished lives.

The brunette turns her head towards Arizona, what she sees is enough to make her understand that the mood was no longer a joke. Her body shaken by the mute sobs, her ex-wife no longer held back the tears that rushed silently like waves on her cheeks, she stared at Callie, the desolation in her eyes. The brunette's heart is squeezed in front of the woman who asked her for forgiveness with her eyes.

- The tumor has migrated and there is no way to reach it without causing irreversible damage, you…

-Okay, Amelia, that's good. Thanks Interrupt Callie

She only has eyes for the desperate woman who was breaking by her side. Nothing else matters right now.

Unable to cope with the situation, Arizona had laid her face on the bed, the brunette caresses the blonde hair. She knows all about the guilt of having failed, where success was what you desired the most in the world, she had only too experienced it. They were there, the moment she had feared for months had come.

-He, we tried. You did everything you could. You, Arizona Robbins, you've been great, you've really, really tried. Stevens will remember this, until his last day, believe me, he'll probably be traumatized for the remainder of his life.

She giggles. Joking had always helped, in all circumstances, Arizona was a good audience, she always thought Callie was funny, according to Callie she was the only one who thought so. But it is true that Arizona had revealed sides of her, that she was the only one to have seen. She had given her the feeling of being irresistibly funny, brilliant in her work when she doubted it, beautiful and sexy when she found herself too much this or not enough that, all those things that had, when she had Arizona with her, given her confidence in herself, that made her love herself more.

Taken refuge in her grief the blonde did not realize that the neurosurgeon had withdrawn from the room, she raises her red eyes towards the tender eyes of the Latina, who tried to appease her. Those eyes that had melted her so many times, those eyes in which she wanted to continue to dive, her eyes in which she had so often found the strength, and which they still wanted to deprive her of. She is falling apart. The deep sobs redoubling in intensity, free all fears, worries, disappointed hopes, held for months. Callie continues to speak to her in a soft voice.

- It was really nice in Portland. Thank you for these few months. Arizona, please, don't cry baby, you've made me so happy the last few months

She wasn't ready to hear those words, which sounded like an end, not again. Even though the circumstances were different, she wasn't going to watch her get up and leave the therapist's office again, leaving her helpless and dejected behind. Not after fighting this disease side by side and almost winning, not after coming all the way back and to have found their "us" again. This journey had led them to an even stronger love, more respect, more confidence, and even more laughter and games than in the past, an unlimited admiration. The universe was playing with them again, making them glimpse a happy life, to take it away from them, just when it was at hand.

- Come, come, against me

The blonde locked in a disturbing mutism for long minutes, climbs on the hospital bed without a word, she snuggles up against Callie's body, forgetting fears, reticence, she wants to feel Callie's body against hers, smell the fragrance, feel the softness of her skin. In the manner of her daughter and Callie's, she pulls her with force against her, so that all the square centimeters of their bodies are in contact, so that closer is not possible. Both women take a deep breath, realizing at the same time that this feeling of security could be one of the last.

- Can we just pretend everything's okay for a while? I think I might need this. Offers Callie

It was their thing, when everything was falling apart, everything became too difficult. They were pretending that everything was fine to lower the tension. For a moment, they put themselves in their bubble and focused only on each other, on what they felt. And at that point that was all they needed.

Outside, Amelia, Alex and Miranda stood at the nurses' office.

-Arizona is collapsing and it's not going to help Torres, I think we should do something…

- Let them retorts Alex, Arizona needs to cry and Callie needs to be there for her.

- There is nothing we can do but save their lives. Adds Miranda thoughtful, eyes clouded with tears. Dr Bailey's tears, weren't something we'd often seen at the Grey Sloan Memorial. But these two women, she'd seen them grow up, so to speak; love each other passionately, care for each other obsessively, tear each other apart fiercely, but always taking care never to break the last bond that held them attached to each other, however tenuous it had been at certain times in their lives, it had always been there. So Miranda Bailey, the Nazi, let her shell crack, and allowed her tears to flow.

- Their lives?

- Dr. Shepherd, don't get me wrong! There are two lives to save here. You save Torres, you save Robbins, otherwise…

- This is impossible Dr. Bailey...

- Derek tried the impossible, did you…

- No, it is impossible without irreversible damage. You want me to make her a vegetable in a bed! Dr Bailey, do you really believe that Callie would want Arizona and Sofia to go through this!

Her obvious frustration, makes the neurosurgeon raised her tone, she did not need to be told about her brother at the moment, he already sufficiently occupied her mind.

In the room the two entwined women ignore everything about what is happening around them.

- So, this dream? suggests Callie

- What?

-I must make your dream come true. Looks like the expiration date's coming up.

Even if she wanted to smile, and lighten the mood, the dark humor became more difficult.

- Inaccessible Star A deep despair in the voice, Arizona responds between two sniffs.

- Say it, we act as if everything is fine. Do you remember that?

The hesitant blonde plunges her sad blue eyes into the tender chocolate eyes that sought to give her strength. Callie had dreaded this moment since the day she saw her, show up at the door of her room in Portland. When she agreed that her stubborn ex-wife would stay, she promised herself that if it didn't work, she would be there to help Arizona to accept, and then, she would go to Miami, away from Sofia and Arizona. She would spare them the horror of the last moments and leave them the memory of a woman standing. She had already arranged everything with her father.

- My dream, … it's you, it's always you and it always will be... My dream is a life with you and Sofia.

She plunges into the eyes she had always adored, hugging the body of the Latina she had loved to taste every millimeter, the fleeting time of an intimate union, when one has the illusory feeling that the other belongs to you forever. She shakes a shoulder acknowledging her defeat in a whisper. But you will always be my inaccessible star.

The tears flowed in spite of her, this time it was too difficult to play to pretend, but she had to, she had felt Callie's body contract against hers, so she gathered her courage, and all the strength she needed to continue.

I hate, I really hate, being your ex-wife, even though you care a lot about me, and I do about you. She giggles and feels Callie sniffing and relaxing a little. If you still want me, my dream would be to be your wife again. You know our marriage is one of the happiest days of my life, of course there was the day of Sofia's birth, but it was also the day I felt the most terrible fear of my life, more fear than falling from the sky, more fear than losing my own life and… She smiled as if she were there, her tears ceased as she related. There was the day you opened your eyes after the car accident, it was a wonderful day that day. But our wedding was almost a perfect day, on second thought the most perfect wedding we've ever attended in this hospital. Even if it wasn't legal, I didn't care, it was my spiritual commitment, I wanted to commit to a life with you, with all my being, and the official papers wouldn't have changed that.

Callie nodded, she had a bad time that day, her mother having made sure to ruin the day, but when she saw Arizona waiting for her at the end of the aisle, everything else didn't matter.

- You looked beautiful in your white dress. This is undoubtedly the most beautiful day of my life considering that I was not present for the birth of our daughter.

- Really? Despite…

- Really Arizona.

Arizona had many reasons to doubt this. In a state of intoxication very advanced, blinded by anger and grief she had first yelled at her, that their marriage was a big mistake, a few years after she had ended it. Yet it was true, today, at the dawn of the end of the road, she could affirm it without the slightest hesitation, there had not been in her life a better day than this one.

-I was going to say despite the absence of your mother Giggles Arizona reading in her ex-wife's thoughts, and despite the grief that overwhelmed them, they exchanged a little complicit laughter

- Oh yeah, by the way, she called me, and maybe I'll go see her. But let's get back to your dream, let's not ruin our moment.

- And also… She shakes her head… I would like to have a baby with you, and I would like to carry our child.

At these words Callie feels an emotion rising in her that she could not hide, the recurring theme of the children, the many misunderstandings on this subject, had caused much damage in their history, hearing her ex-wife affirm that it was also her dream darkens her gaze, but it is no longer time for regrets.

- Um, that's… that's a nice dream.

- Do you want to? Asks the blonde in a shy voice. Callie looked at her, half a sorry smile on her lips, she wanted to do that but we had to realize the obvious, at some point we were going to have to face it. Pretending wouldn't help much.

- Baby, you know…

- We act like everything's fine!

Firmly Arizona interrupting, Callie looks at her tenderly, the begging eyes of the blonde, breaks her heart. She sincerely smiles at her, taking a deep breath, to prevent her mind from rambling towards the anguish of tomorrow, she focuses on what, the woman in her arms needs at this moment.

- Amelia will remove this tumor. So, I will be allowed to say, "I love you", and I even love you passionately, like crazy. Then I will ask you to marry me, legally this time, the spiritual commitment, but with the official papers in addition, the guy at the town hall, the wedding rings, the whole shebang! There will be rainbows, butterflies and maybe even unicorns.

- You're really too conventional Calliope

- Hey, no judgement, I get that from my mother, and stop interrupting me; so,…I'll make you a baby…

- Yay! Callie feigns to throw a black look at the blonde blaming her for her interruptions. Sorry, I'll shut up, keep going

- Uh … soooo, I was saying, with the help of science of course, I'll make you a baby. He will have the eyes of this dizzying blue, which will change depending on his mood or the weather; I want him to have your dimples, about that no negotiation possible, and your magical smile too. You're gonna have to learn how to be the bad cop, sweetheart, because I can't resist that smile. Face to that smile I'm rubber.

Arizona listened, her face relaxing as Callie told the story. She could imagine the scene. A blond child in Callie's arms, a little helpless being they would take care of like they did it with Sofia, together for the rest of their lives and even if neither of them believed in it, even if it seemed childish, for the moment it was the only thing that could do good

- Okay, but you're still the bad cop for Sofia, because I can't resist the tender puppy eyes and sullen lip either.

-Deal

-The house! mine will be too small! Callie, we need another house for Sofia and the baby. A house we'll choose together

Arizona tells the house, with the pool, and the swing and even the tree house, and the eggs they would fetch from the henhouse, because of course there would be a few chickens and a dog too, it's great for kids to learn to be responsible for an animal.

- Christmas mornings will be the most beautiful you've ever had. We'll go pick out the tree with the kids, and we'll argue about where to put it in the house. Finally, after a few minutes of sulking one or the other, probably me, because as usual, you get your way, we will reconcile.

-Hey, I don't do only what I want

- You've always wrapped me around your little finger, Calliope.

- Exactly, you prove my point; I don't get out on my own way, I am convincing you that I am right.

-Anyway, I'll sulk and you'll crawl at my feet so I can forgive you.

The amused brunette opens dazzled eyes, the pout on her face clearly signifying that she expressed a serious doubt about the realism of the situation, she crosses the taunt gaze of the blonde.

- It is my dream, I am the one who decides, so we were at the crawling exercises for reconciliation.

Um, I love to make up with you. Do you think we fight a lot, just to make up? Grrr, the kids want to help decorate the tree, this is the end of our reconciliation session.

The shoulders of the blonde fall from disappointment, she grins and Callie laughs at her pranks. An immense fatigue invades her, she settles comfortably, the head resting on Arizona's shoulder, she closes her eyes continuing to listen to what their life could have been.

While the children will sleep, in secret, and in silence, together they will install the gifts, decorate the outside with all the lights, exploding with laughter like schoolgirls for fear of getting caught at every loud noise that could wake them up.

- Finally, we would wait for the morning, more excited than our children to see their little eyes full of happiness discovering the gifts at the foot of the Christmas tree…

It's been like this for months. Love had never been the problem between them, but in Portland they had learned to accept to show their vulnerability, to talk about their fears. With respect they had listened and understood their past mistakes. In fits of laughter and sometimes of tears their love had grown at the same time as the confidence they had in each other. Love had never been the problem, but today it was deeper than it had ever been.

Callie, lulled by the sweet words, fell asleep in Arizona's arms. No one in the hospital had come to blow up their bubble, but not one of their friends thought of anything but them that night.

So, they did what they always do in those moments. They had gathered at Joe's, drinking together, sharing their grief, remembering the good times and crying about all the tragedies that had befallen "Seattle Grace Mercy Death", because it might not hurt so much when you share the pain. Teddy and Bailey had called for "early Alzheimer's", the cocktail invented by Cristina, remembering that evening only eight years ago. Many of them were missing tonight, either dead or exiled, or lying in a bed waiting for death. All had a thought for Derek, Mark Leslie, Henry, and especially for Callie who was going to join them. It was two o'clock in the morning when Amelia's pager resonated

- Damn, it's Arizona

A lead weight falls on the table, the doctors are brought back to the sad reality, their faces close.

Thank you for reading. I know, I know you hate me now! To make amends I promise to publish the rest as soon as possible, I don't have the heart to make you wait any longer.