I do not own Ranma ½ or any characters part or parcel of that great work, nor lay claim to any of the incredible ideas expressed by Rumiko Takahashi, or Viz video. This is just a labor of love from one fan to the rest.
Like Fallen Leaves, the Willow Weeps. A Ying, Yang, Yakuza story (Y3)
Chapter 12: The journey to one's self is filled with loss and discovery.
"My name is...Was… Akio Hasuko. I was the only son of a very traditional, very conservative family. I guess I never really felt like I, well...Fit. I wasn't really into the things the other boys were at my age, I spent more time with the girls and I usually managed to get dragged into their games over the boys. I still remember the first time I got pulled into playing 'dress up' with them. When they told me I looked pretty… I don't know, it felt good. I imagine they were expecting me to be all upset and embarrassed but… I wasn't. I just got along better with the girls than the boys, and I thought that was all there was to it." Kotori sighed and smiled as Qiang Pu gave her hand a comforting little squeeze, and she remembered where she was, and who she was with right now. These people wouldn't judge, they wouldn't condemn her for being herself. So, she took a breath and continued.
I guess I never really felt comfortable in my body, and as I got older and it… Changed… it got worse. I started shaving, well, everywhere as soon as I figured out I could. I hated it, and I often wore the most sexless outfits I could manage. Mind you, I of course wore the boys uniform to school, and there were… Limits… at home, but I did the best I could to make things feel… Right. Things changed when one of my old playmates from Elementary school transferred in during my second year of middle school. We started to reconnect, and I spent a lot of time with her. People just kind of assumed we were dating, but it wasn't like that for either of us. For me, it was an escape. My family had my entire life laid out for me, and I didn't really have any input in any of it. For her, it was a chance to reconnect with someone she knew when things were quieter and simpler. It just worked well for both of us." Kotori said with a fond smile on her face.
"Things got… Odd… when she started to change while I was still there. The first time, she laughed when she saw me staring at her and shrugged as she finished changing her clothes. She said that she had honestly forgotten I was a boy, but somehow it didn't bother her that I saw her in just her underwear. That happened a few more times, and I started to wonder if she was interested in me or something. The thing is, I...Wasn't. I mean, I liked looking at her, she was pretty and I.. I felt kind of envious." Kotori took a breath and squeezed Qiang Pu's hand.
"Then, one day when she was getting ready to go out to a movie with me on a not-date, she laughed as she tried to figure out what outfit to wear and looked at me with a mischievous little smirk. She said 'I can't decide what one to wear, maybe you should try them on for me so I can make up my mind?'. I think she was half joking, but I felt this… Rush. I was excited about the prospect, but tried to blow it off. 'You mean like how you used to rope me into wearing dresses, skirts, and blouses for playing 'dress up' when we were kids?' I said to her. She just nodded and gave me an almost expectant look." Kotori smiled a fond little smile and shook her head, before she looked at the women surrounding her, listening with not a trace of judgement in their faces. Kotori nodded to herself and continued.
"So, I did. I stripped down to my boxers and tried each outfit on, and…. I liked it. How soft the cloth was, how it fit on me, how it smelled… It brought back the memories of when we played as kids and also… It just felt right. She surveyed each one after the initial shock of me actually doing it passed. She decided what one she wanted to wear and grinned that grin I learned to mean she had some plan in mind. Then she said 'You look so pretty in that! You should totally go out with me wearing that!" I think she was joking, but… I kind of wish I had that first time. I blushed and hurried back into my other clothes, and we went to a movie together but the spark had been lit in my head." Kotori laughed and took a drink of her tea before she continued.
"Nothing like that happened for a while, but eventually she couldn't decide again and I knew what she was going to ask. To be honest, I think I had been waiting for it. Once again, I changed into each of them and let her decide…. When she asked me again, this time a bit more seriously I blushed, looked down and nodded a bit. That… Kind of started a tradition for us. Every other weekend, I would meet with her at her parents place while they were gone, and we would get dressed up and go hang out. About the third time, she got me to put on a pair of her panties. After that… She started to choose outfits like skirts and dresses for me, and even put makeup on me. Somewhere along the way, the fact I was a boy just… Got forgotten. We would strip down and get dressed, and it was just… Just like I was another one of the girls. We even got away with it for quite a while, until my parents caught on." Kotori sighed and hung her head, as tears started to roll down her cheeks.
"After that, I was forbidden to see her again, to talk to her or make contact with her. She changed schools, and my parents seemed to think that I was over my little 'phase.'. I kept them in the dark until the next year, when they found out I was still going out dressed as a girl. They… Got very angry, and we ended up saying a lot of horrible things to each other. That was when I came out to them, told them I was trans… And that was the last straw. They tried to have me exorcised to 'drive out the evil spirit' that had taken over my mind. When that didn't work… They cast me out, told me I was no longer their son. That no sick, perverted thing like me could be theirs." Kotori sighed and stiffened for a moment as Qiang Pu hugged her for a moment, then relaxed into the tight embrace. "Thank you." Kotori whispered into Qiang Pu's ear before they separated and settled back into their respective seats.
"After that, I started to live on the streets. I found a friend here and there I could stay with for a few days, but in time I ran out of those. I started to skip school more and more, until I was not going often at all. Then, I found the warehouse, and figured I could settle down. I had continued my double life as much as I could, but reversed. I was Akio when I had no other choice, other than that… I dressed in the styles I liked and went by Kaida. I.. I started to sell myself after a while, because it was all I could do." Kotori took a deep breath and smiled at Qiang Pu. "You know the rest of the story. Tachi saved me…. And took me in, here. In time… She gave me a new name, and a home. A real home." Kotori blushed as she bowed and looked embarrassed. "I'm so sorry I went on like that…"
Kotori's rambling apology was cut short as the buxom redhead reached across and gently laid a hand on her head. "It's okay, we all understand here. I think I see why Tachi took you as her student, and why Mother Konatsu has accepted you here. You belong here, truly belong here. I just hope you will take good care of my daughter. She is reckless, brash, arrogant and… One of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting." Ranma said with a soft smile on her full lips.
"Daaaaad!" Qiang Pu whined, and all those gathered shared a laugh before Kotori gathered her courage to ask a question of Ranma.
"So...Did you just have top surgery done, and if so… I really wish I could afford them. You look...All of you just look so real…" Kotori said softly.
The other three shared a look and a silent nod was passed between Ranma and Nabiki. "I can't divulge anything yet, that is up to Mother Konatsu. But, I will have a word with her about letting you know a bit more about what is going on around here. Honestly, with you attending to Tachi you should be filled in on at least some of it."
Kotori looked at the other three women, a quizzical look on her face. She smiled and nodded after a moment as she looked at Qiang Pu. "I get it now… they adopted you. But, what do I need to know about Tachi? Is it something about her health?". Kotori said with a worried tone to her voice.
The three looked at each other before Nabiki smiled. "Qiang Pu is not my flesh and blood, but she is Ranma's. It's very complicated, and I hope someday we can tell you everything about us, and Tachi. And Tachi's health is fine, but she might have to go away for a week or two. Once again, we hope we can explain it all soon."
Kotori let out a troubled little whine as she looked down. "Tachi...Has to go away?" She knotted her hands into her kimono in obvious distress until Qiang Pu reached over and took her hand and gave it a squeeze.
"Tell you what, you can either stay with me, or I will stay over at the Teahouse while Elder Tachi is away, if that is okay with you two?" She said as she looked to her parents. At the shared look and nod from Ranma, Qiang Pu grinned and nudged Kotori. "I haven't had a sleepover, a proper one, in… Years. It will be nice to have one again."
Ranma smiled a soft, sad smile as Nabiki wiped at her eyes before she looked at Qiang Pu. "You know, you CAN go visit your OTHER friend more often, I don't think it will be as much of a problem now."
Qiang Pu nodded and sighed. "I know, I just… Don't want to cause her any more problems than I have already. She should never have gotten wrapped up in any of the craziness that happens in my life in the first place. I.. I don't want her to lose anymore than she has. And, it's not like we don't text each other or anything….."
Nabiki smiled softly at her adopted daughter and nodded. "Well, invite her over sometime, I would like to see her again."
"You just want her to help you cook again." Qiang Pu said with a shake of her head.
"Not just that…" Nabiki said with a soft smile.
The three family members shared a soft laugh, while Kotori looked on with a confused look on her face.
Qiang Pu sighed and nodded. "I.. I will think about it. For now, though, I want to see if we can help Kotori. And, we need to help Mother Konatsu so this… this never has to happen again."
Kotori gave Qiang Pu's hand a gentle squeeze. "I don't fully understand what happened, but… I think that if she didn't have to die, then that is a good thing."
Qiang Pu looked down as she visibly pulled into herself and Ranma sighed as she spoke up.
"Qiang Pu erased part of who she was. Everything she learned, thought, or did in the last 2 years is… gone. Like it never happened or existed. She has forgotten everything from that period." Ranma gently explained.
"Isn't that still better than dying? You can relearn things you have forgotten, experience things again. You can't do any of that if you are dead. Besides her memories of the last couple of years she hasn't lost anything else. She can still love, and live. She can possibly get a chance to do the right things this time around." Kotori said, as she gave Qiang Pu a gentle smile.
Kotori gave Qiang Pu's hand a gentle squeeze. "There are days I wish I could forget who I am, who I was. As it is, Akio is a burden I will always carry, but I guess even that is okay." Kotori's melancholy look faded at the gentle squeeze she got from Qiang Pu.
Nabiki chuckled as she stood up. "How about all of us see if Mother Konatsu is busy, and would like to join us for dinner? We can invite Tachi as well, it has been far too long since we all were able to sit down together. On top of that, we have reports from Mother Koda. Oh, and she sent a letter for her favorite student as well Qiang Pu."
Qiang Pu made a happy little sound as she immediately sat up straighter. "Elder Koda sent me a letter? Is she well? How is the new House doing?"
"Patience, dear one, patience. Let us see what Mother Konatsu is doing, and then we will go from there." Nabiki said as she handed the sealed letter to her energetic adopted daughter.
"Who is Koda? I think I have heard the name, but I don't think I have ever met her?" Kotori said with a quizzical tilt of her head.
"She was one of my first teachers here! You are going to love her, when you get to meet her. The only geisha I have ever known that is more, well, geisha than Koda is Mother Konatsu herself!" Qiang Pu said excitedly as she tucked the letter into her kimono. Her earlier melancholy was forgotten as she dragged Kotori to her feet and looked at her parents impatiently.
"Okay, okay daughter mine. We are going." Ranma said as she shook her head and laughed fondly.
Soon, the four of them were making their way to where Mother Konatsu awaited them. Kotori found herself sitting next to Tachi as she witnessed the most relaxed she had seen, well, any of them be during her time in the Teahouse.
"Sensei?" Kotori said quietly in an aside to Tachi. At the gently raised eyebrow, all the consent she needed after being with her teacher for the time she had already she pressed onward. "Who are the Tendo's? I.. Don't think I have seen either you or Mother Konatsu so…. Well… Relaxed around outsiders?"
Tachi chuckled softly as she hid her mouth behind her fan. "They are hardly outsiders. They are old friends of the Teahouse, and you could say that we owe a great deal to Ranma. She has always been a solid friend and ally, and for some of us, we owe her a second chance at life. Nabiki, she is a force to be reckoned with. There is no better fighter than Ranma, but there is no better schemer than Nabiki. This One counts herself blessed to know these two, and this One owes the life she lives now to them. It is because of them that this One became one of the Blooming Lilies of the Teahouse. It was also that incident that caused this One to be known as the Scarred Lilly. It is a title that this One bears with honor and pride, for it speaks of loss and rising once more from that loss."
Kotori nodded slowly, as she blinked and looked at the pair of Tendo's, and their daughter. It would seem that everytime she started to understand something, a new layer was revealed to her. She smiled softly as she found that she looked forward to each new discovery.
Who would have guessed that her life would have changed so much, in such a short time?