The Parts That Make Us Whole

by taylorandmacster10

Based on a prompt from Laneaddicted1, this is taking Jay back down memory lane and into a life he never saw coming. What begins as a mission with Mouse all too shockingly shifts life in a way no one thinks possible. This is Jay whump in the most heartbreaking way possible. Want to come along?

14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14- A Silver Lined Dark Day

Greetings, everyone! How are you? It's been some time since we last shared things with each other. I do apologize for the lack of…well…anything. But just like Jay, but not quite as drastic, I had my own medical adventure that required surgery and a recovery period and pain pills that make you zoned out of everything. But things are better now, or getting to that point, and we are back to continue this story. Are you ready for things? I don't think you are. Let's do this!

"Oh my gosh, how cool is this that we're all walking into work together again," Hailey exclaimed as Jay got out of the car. It was true, this was the first time all had reconvened in the parking lot since the accident, but not all were going to the same place. While most of Intelligence was going to trudge up those steps, Jay was going to stay downstairs, talking with Trudy, Voight, and a whole bunch of scary important people that were going to decide his fate. He bravely smirked at her, but it was obvious he was nervous. He quiet demeanor giving that off to the whole world.

"What is that clicking sound," Adam asked as he held the door open for all?

"Oh, I need to go back to the prothesis. There's something going on with my knee that's making that sound. It's not hurting anything, just quite annoying."

"Ah," Kim replied, those not who didn't travel across the world were still getting used to this lingo and way of life with Jay. But the great news is that he referred to the knee in a personal possessive way, progress.

"Well your walk is looking really good, to the average person they'd never guess you were down a leg."

"Oh, thanks!…I guess," Jay replied ,which seemed to lift the mood in the group. They were in the main room of the district now, all pausing for a second to take in the chaos before weaving their way through. It was the usual hustle and bustle, but to Jay it felt that he was very out of place. Like when you leave town and come back weeks later, life in your little environment has been flying onward while you've checked out for awhile; your return coming along with being out of touch. Oh the infrastructure and people and things were still familiar and there for you, but the little things you couldn't see have changed. The running joke in the friend base, the news happenings of the time, the plans and memories made that you were not present for. As much as Jay missed being here, doing his thing, right at this very point in time he felt so out of place, very much a foreign visitor in his own world. It was somber moment, a little depressing and upsetting, but it was what it was. This was now the point he caught up and got back to his normal.

"Do you want to come up and wait for the meeting," Hailey offered as her hand was thrust under the palm scanner.

"Oh, no…I'm fine to stay down here. It's going to happen in a few minutes anyway." Hailey was about to open her mouth, speak some silly line to make him laugh. But looking at his dejected, longing face told her it was best to support fully.

"Okay, tell me how it goes when you're done."

"Sure," Jay finished, taking a step back as he watched her ascend to the Intelligence square footage. He looked around the room once more, scanning the faces and busyness before taking a seat on the visitor bench where the meeting would happen. Let's be honest, he was a visitor right now. He did not possess a badge or weapon or approval to do whatever. All was being safely tucked away for his eventual return. Trudy looked up from her numerous activities, collecting a folder of something and just about bounding down and around the counter to greet him.

"You have no idea how good it is to see you back here," she spoke into his shoulder as they hugged. Jay could only nod, he was so unsure of what was happening here, and how different and altered work life was about to be.

"When are we starting?"

"As soon as…ah, there he is!" Voight was jogging down the steps, a matching folder to Trudy's in hand. The mystery was over, his sentencing was housed in those manilla bound items. Oh how Jay wanted to rip one out of their hands and read. The waiting and dread was too much to deal with anymore.

"Good to see you, Jay," Voight spoke as he went in for a hug from Jay. Now he was convinced this was the end, Voight never, ever hugged. Ever.

"Likewise."

"Everyone else is already in the room, let's go join them," Trudy spoke while her hand was outstretched for them to move along. Jay spun around to find the blinds open and door closed, surprised he didn't notice this when he first came in.

"This is just a conversation," Jay asked her one last time before turning the door handle?

"Yes, just a conversation." Jay inhaled, turned the knob, and bravely stepped into the room. Time to meet his destiny.

Opening the door was met with a rise from the waiting party, which Jay thought was a little humorous considering what they were all meeting about. Jay couldn't hold things in, chuckling just a hair before collecting himself and walking into the room. Already in the small space, mostly around the desk, was a collection of higher ups and white shirts, some Jay didn't know and others he met with before, all times when his job's future was on the line. They all were about as neutral as a cards table in Las Vegas, none of them showing favor or hinderance for what was about to get underway. Each person acknowledging Jay was the focus of things, but beyond that they were stones essentially.

"Where do you want me to go," Jay asked while rubbing hands on his pants, a sudden nervous tick of his.

"Wherever you'd like," Trudy answered, taking up the rear before closing the door behind her. Jay saw an available seat on a couch in the corner and took it, quietly grunting at the maneuver it took to get around people and to his finish line; a little friendly reminder for why his future looked so bleak. But Jay tried to best to remain positive as he took a seat. Nothing was official, he remembered for the zillionth time. Trudy took a seat on the couch with him, Voight finding a resting spot on the wall close to the desk. The shutters were secured shut and the door was confirmed to be locked. Throats cleared, people adjusted in their place, and then it all began.

"So we'd all like to begin by saying that we are very happy and fortunate to be speaking to you still. I think I can say for everyone here that after reading your medical report, you have survived a very scary accident and overcome many obstacles and just the fact we are here discussing work is a miracle, really."

"Uh..yeah, thanks." He was so nervous, just forcing words out and foregoing any notion of being brave and calm. This was legitimately scary and he couldn't deny that anymore.

"The first question we'd all like to ask is, how are you feeling? Both from a mindset and physical perspective." This was a good opener, an easy way to break the ice before diving into the tough, rapid fire stuff.

"Physically I'm getting there. Some days are better then others but I'm told that's very normal for right now. I think it's been about three months since this all happened so swelling, bruising, sensitivity, and pain are an everyday thing. But each day things are changing and I'd like to believe its' for the better. From a mental standpoint I'd say it's about as progressed as it can be. Some days I don't even think about it and then others I days it's super frustrating and I really hate what's happened. Therapy has been discussed for something in the near future, but understandably everything has been about walking again and just figuring out how to move around and manage things."

"On those days where things are bad mentally, how do you get through the day?"

"Well early on there wasn't much to do. With being unable to walk without assistance, all I could really do was sit and sleep. But now that walking is much easier and I can get out of the house, I sometimes walk around or drive and stay somewhere for awhile, just being out helps distract the mind."

"Where is the pain management at?"

"It's going well. There are breakthrough days here and there, but things are a lot better then they were even a month ago."

"When can you expect to not be on pain meds all the time?"

"I've been told at least a year. Just with everything changing and shifting and settling, the pain is going to come with that."

"And those medications are?"

"Tier 2 and some Tier 1 meds, for days when things are very bad."

"And Tier 3 is like Advil, Tylenol?"

"Yes, over the counter medication."

"What are some limitations that have already presented themselves at this point?"

"Stairs, stairs are hard. I haven't been cleared to run yet because walking is still being worked on. The artificial knee has been a bigger challenge for me then I anticipated. But I don't think it'll be that way forever." In reality Jay was fully expecting to never run or jog up steps again, but never would he tell this analyzing group that.

"Hypothetical: you're out on patrol or following a lead and it comes to the point of chasing a suspect or engaging in some type of physical reaction. How do you handle that?"

"Just figure it out in the moment. It's hard to think of what you'd do since there are a million things that could happen in that one moment."

"Why should you remain up in Intelligence?"

"Because I may be physically limited right now, mentally I'm the same guy before and after the accident. It's not entirely my fault this happened and I don't think because of an accident all the way around the world I shouldn't be able to work here. I've yet to be told things are forever off limits but instead, told it'll be hard but definitely possible."

"So let's say you're having a bad pain day and you cannot leave the house, what would the unit do in your absence?"

"The same thing it's been doing right now," Voight cut in. Jay looked over in his direction and Voight simply nodded.

"What would you say to officers that are on disability and aren't amputees and they complain that you are worse off then them but are still on the job?"

"That every case is different. That I didn't do anything different then they did. But I've earned my place here and I will fight to keep it."

"So running is out of the question right now."

"Yes, but.."

"-And how long are you able to walk?"

"A couple hours but.."

"And stairs are out of the question?"

"It's hard but.."

"So right now you would not be able to pass the department's basic physical."

"That's correct."

"And a year before you'll be off of strong medication, medication that if found out to a defender's lawyer could get a case thrown out?"

"Yes."

"Okay, if anyone doesn't have anymore questions we'd like to stop here." The room was silent, Jay feeling nothing but ambush from the glaring eyes staring right into his soul. While they may have started nice and sincere and caring, he felt all of that was lead up to the very real truth of where he was physically right now. Furthermore, it sounded like they wanted to make a statement to the department, that people were already talking about him that way. He didn't want to stick around and fight only to have to be constantly looking over his shoulder. But this was his life, it was what he made of himself on this earth. He signed off on the soldier role and was now taking up his detective identity wholeheartedly. This could not play out like this. He couldn't sign off on one only to lose it all. The second they said the meeting was over Jay was up and beelining it to the door. He didn't hear Trudy call his name nor did he turn back when Voight semi-yelled his name. In an instant this place was foreign to him, totally against him for something that was done to him. He couldn't sit around and take the beating a second longer. He was in the truck when he came to this conclusion, peeling out of the lot and heading Lord only knew where. Literally anywhere was better then being ridiculed and judged.

…

This may sound a bit like a broken record at this point, but we find Jay sitting in another place thinking about how life has forever changed and how his job was very likely a goner. It was one thing to imagine or hypothesize that the job was truly in jeopardy, but actually have tangible words, people, places tied to things really put a stamp on everything. They could put on their best smiles and dish out their warmest regards, but at the end of the day they had zero intention of bringing him back. All that was going on was simply a formality, a kind gesture given all that Jay had done for the department. Whether he liked or not, his time in the CPD was over, and now he had zero idea of what to do with the remainder of his life. He didn't even know where to start. He is a man with very limited hobbies, the few of them tied to the job. Perhaps that would be what he'd do with his newfound time. Maybe he'd take up golf, become an amateur golfer with one good leg. Or perhaps he'd travel, he had many places he still wanted to visit but just never had the time. He could finally learn to cook beyond a microwave or take out. But none of this sounded remotely interesting or something he could see himself doing. He was a cop, a former Army Ranger turned Chicago PD detective. That's how it was supposed to be, that's how it had been for so long and was working so well. On an adventure to finalize one, he somehow found a way to lose it all for good.

Maggie Daley Park is adjacent to Millennium Park, far less congested and tourist riddle and far more subdue. Millennium had the bean, skating rink, huge amphitheater and lawn that all were magnets to people, locals and people around the globe. Jay parked the truck around there, getting out of the truck only feel a zillion eyes glaring at him and his weird walk and clicking knee. He was suffocating under the judgment of the crowds. In reality this really wasn't happening, but to a very distraught Jay you couldn't convince him otherwise. So in response he bowed his head close to his chest, tucked hands in pockets and just marched through everything. He didn't speak, not even when people accidentally bumped him, just kept moving as long as his body allowed. He climbed the steps, walked past the tourist with their phones flashing against the mirror texture bean, didn't budge from his gait as he rounded the sweeping lawn before confronting the hilly, curved bridge that connected the two parks. Perhaps that's why a lot of people didn't come to this park, the walking. It wasn't a marathon, but a bit of a trek nonetheless. This truth hit Jay about halfway over, his body screaming for him to pause as it regained strength. He hated doing it, but pulled himself to the side, turning back to stare at the beauty of the city. City photography, that's what he do. Or not since he had zero artistic skills. Jay quietly cursed under his breath, wanting to kick himself for putting himself in this place on a workday: drained and depressed and suspended over the road. He didn't want this, he kept saying to himself. He didn't sign up for any of this. Some people get to make that call, approve surgeons to remove part of them so they could live exactly how Jay was right now. But he didn't get that chance, wasn't even awake to say goodbye. It all was so harsh and drastic and permanent. That one was the one that stung the most. Despite how depressed and furious he got with himself, his body wasn't growing a leg back. The damage was done, forever. There was no going back now. A tear might have slipped out of the corner of his eye as he rubbed his nose, telling himself to screw it because they were moving. Things were rather blurry now, Jay telling himself it was the wind that was causing the watery walk to wherever. Passing playgrounds and a massive rock wall, Jay kept rubbing his eyes and trudged on, hating the click of his knee with every step. It was permanent, it was forever, it was his exit package.

A large rock that appeared to be a seat is where we find Jay now, staring into nothing as his mind ran all mental energy out of him. He had no clue what to do, if he even had it in him to walk back into that place. How things ended that last day should've been it. He never should've gone back, revisited the quiet upstairs or been keeping people updated. Living in vagueness and isolation was far better then letting the masses down with bad reports and outcomes none of them wanted. But who was he kidding, he wasn't living in isolation. If it wasn't Will at his place it was Hailey, and if it wasn't Hailey it was texts from everyone checking in or offering to hang out. He may have felt like the only person dealing with this, but that was the farthest thing from true. They were family, like it or not, and he couldn't just up and leave them without even a goodbye. But then his mind wandered to months down the road, wondering if this would all still be true then. Would they still reach out to help, check in on him and bring things to cheer his day up? Or would he become that burden to them, that person that they swore to keep up with but overtime completely forget. Like going back to high school well after everyone had graduated and moved on, Jay felt like he was that one guy that never moved past the glory days, and that was the very last thing he wanted to be. So to properly answer the question of what set him apart from the other cops on disability, Jay's true answer is that he wanted to fight. That was where he was and he had to make the call. He could either accept disability pay for the rest of his days, or fight for himself, his core identity. So while it would be hard and get a lot of looks and talks behind his back, in an instant Jay didn't care. He had to fight, if not for himself then for his family. They really needed him there, in whatever capacity he could provide. Jay looked up from his view of the ground, at first smirking to himself in newfound drive and determination, but all that quickly dissipated to surprise fear as Hailey was inches away from his face.

"Whoa, Hailey what are you doing here?" What was going on in the real world was Hailey running down the trail calling for Jay, waving frantically at him and sighing relief that he was okay. After Jay's speedy departure from the district, people had been calling and texting him like a wildfire, getting nothing every single time. Voight returned to the office shaking his head and saying something under his breath, that was what first got her attention. But when Trudy came up ghostly and flocked straight to Voight's office, that's when Hailey knew it involved Jay and the talk, figuring out things didn't go well. Voight told her to track Jay down and she didn't hesitate. The tracker on Jay's truck guided her to the first park, the tracker on Jay's phone sending her on a wild chase before he stopped at his rock resting place. Hailey called his name up until she was at his side, startled in fear when he never responded. She crouched to a knee and hovered a hand over him, terrified in not knowing if he freak out and slap her or not. So to see him blink back into reality was promising. He wasn't too far gone, hopefully.

"Jay, are you okay?" He chuckled at the question, hearing all the variations of that in his head. How could he answer such a deep question with a simple reply.

"Yeah." Apparently it wasn't that hard.

"You scared us, Jay. Voight and Platt kept trying to call you, we all texted and got nothing. So I was sent to find you, thank goodness for trackers."

"Yeah," Jay spoke again, second guessing his approval to give people his location at all times.

"Jay, I don't know what happened in that meeting, but I do know this isn't the end. I promise."

"Shit." Jay sat all the way up, closing his eyes and involuntarily started shaking in nerves and fear.

"What?!"

"Shit, shit, shit!" Hailey's eyes took her away from Jay's face and to his hands, his left hand specifically. It was rubbing the top of his leg, making him hiss and continue to curse.

"Something's wrong, dammit." Hailey backed away half a step, now feeling so far away from help, a hospital, everything.

"What do you mean."

"My leg has been throbbing all day and it's getting worse. This is different." Oh yeah, did we not tell you this part of the story?

…

"What do you mean it hurts?"

"It's really bad. I woke up with it this morning but just assumed it was the usual pain. Took the meds before walking out the door and it hasn't gotten better all day."

"Well how do you know it's not just another breakthrough day?"

"Because, I know. This is different." There were emotions in his voice now, the very real and terrified fear in his body and voice as he spoke. He was seriously shaking now, eyes darting all over and chest heaving and exhaling too fast for the normal person. He was either in shock or undergoing a panic attack, neither good for him and both requiring help.

"I'm going to call Will," Hailey calmly replied, resting a hand on Jay's shoulder as she selected Will's number. The phone rang twice before the bubbly voice came her way.

"What's up? Did you hear how Jay's meeting went? I told him to call me but haven't heard anything yet."

"Will," was all she said and the mood instantly changed. Gone was the ranting, the check down and worst case scenarios rapidly downloading to his mind.

"What happened."

"I'm with Jay, we're at Maggie Daley Park and he said his leg is hurting really bad apparently."

"Can I talk to him?" Hailey looked down at Jay who had his face buried in his hands. The right leg was shaking like it did when the pain was really bad. He was sweating, saying something to himself and just losing focus of things. The pain becoming more and more all encompassing.

"Jay, Will wants to talk to you." She held the phone out before just cementing the phone in his hand, dragging the hand to his ear before kneeling back down to get eye level.

"Yeah."

"Jay, how bad is it?"

"It's not that it's just bad, I've never had this kind of pain before."

"Explain it."

"It's just there. It's burning and my leg is super sensitive if I touch it."

"Okay, that might be just bad phantom pain.."

"-I also can't feel the bottom of my leg."

"What?!" Will just about barked that on the other end while Hailey's mouth hung open before a hand covered it.

"I'm sorry Will."

"Don't apologize, just put Hailey back on the phone." Jay ripped the thing off of his ear, resuming the face covering session while saying something to himself. Hailey was shivering all over at the news. This was not how this day was supposed to go. Jay was done with scary things and surprise surgeries and life altering adventures. Everything was fine and calm and normal and it wasn't supposed to be going this way. But it appeared life was flying down the track without a hint of changing lanes. This was reality so all they could do was strap in and pray.

"He needs to get here, now. Can you get him here?"

"Yeah…yeah I can….Will."

"We'll discuss it when you guys get here. Just hurry but don't get into an accident."

"Okay."

"We'll see you soon and Hailey?"

"Yes?"

"Stay calm. You can do it. He's going to be okay. He's survived worse." "Yeah, okay." The two hung up, Will busying his mind with getting things lined up for Jay and whatever was going on. Meanwhile back at the park, Hailey was struggling to figure out how to get a disabled Jay from rock to truck, a very lengthy walk between them and the end. And plus, once they got to said truck how would Jay get in, stay conscious long enough to make it to Med in time. This was all going too far down the line and killing time. She had to act, right now.

"Jay, are you okay to stay here for a minute or two while I go get the truck and bring it back here?" Jay could only nod, the rest of him not moving. Hailey took off in a full sprint, mentally timing herself to see just how far she could go at this pace. She imagined they were chasing a perp, which in reality they kind of were. Unlike the everyday ones, this one was invisible and flying and already well ahead of them. They had to beat it, they had to be smarter, faster then it.

She made it to the truck in ninety seconds, Hailey quite proud of herself for covering that much ground so quickly. She smashed the ignition button, putting the truck in drive as she fastened her seatbelt. She was a horn hog, slamming on it every time she was held up by someone. She couldn't care less, none of these people knew who she was and in all likelihood would never see these people again. Perhaps she cursed a couple of times and got a few glares when she swerved her way around the slow pokes, but the smallest of relief sighs escaped her when she pulled up to find Jay still sitting in the exact same spot doing the exact same thing. She feared he'd be doubled over and puking in pain, or worse…so to see him that way offered just a sliver of hope.

"I'm here, I'm here, we have to hurry because I'm parked in a fire lane," she announced upon grazing his shoulder when she returned to him. The last part made him smirk, yet more promise and hope that he was still there.

"I think they'll be okay if we're there for a second."

"Yeah, but let's not take advantage or assume otherwise. Can you walk?"

"Yeah."

"You sure? I could find someone to help."

"No, it's fine. I can make it. It's just going to hurt like hell." She took comfort in his humor still being in tact. Linking arms and holding his right side, the two of them slowly hobbled to the truck, Hailey not losing sight of the finish line while Jay just kept doing the best he could to stay awake.

"We should've brought the crutches," Hailey spoke once Jay was miraculously in the passenger seat.

"Yes, next time I leave the house I'll be sure to bring everything in case random, terrible things happen to me." She rolled her eyes, delighted he was still there, but disheartened by the fact he sounded in such dire pain. In the time she closed the passenger door and got into the driver's seat, Jay had rested his head on the window and was in and out of falling asleep, eyelids super heavy and drooping as he face relaxed.

"Hey!" She smacked his arm with all the might she could, Jay jerking his head right at her with a confused face.

"No going to sleep. I don't need you to pass out till we at least get there."

"Okay," he trailed off, his head slowly going back towards the glass.

"I mean it Jay. Don't make me keep hitting you." And she totally did, about nine more times in the twenty minute race through the Loop and towards Med. She talked to him about anything, everything, whatever it took to keep his mouth moving. He'd muster up the energy to nod or mutter things or look around at the world in front of him, but almost like clockwork his head would start to drop and Hailey would pound his arm as hard as she could. He was more then likely going to end up with a bruise on his arm tomorrow morning, but she didn't care as long as he made it to then. Pardon her fearful thoughts, but at the time they had no clue what was going on and given how out of it he was, that outcome was likely. A couple times she really wanted to turn the lights on, honk at everyone as she flew even faster, but Jay told her he'd intentionally fall asleep if she did it. But Jay held on, made it to Med still awake and semi-talking. As Hailey slammed on the brakes in the ED bay, she was grateful for one thing: that whatever was wrong with Jay could be treated at Med. That she and Will were not boarding a flight to world's far away and unknown. This time around, they all were right there to get him through. In the midst of chaos and terror, always look for that silver lining even if its a sliver of it.

"Okay, okay, just relax, we'll get you out," Will coaxed as he and Ethan and a nurse looped arms around Jay and helped him to his feet and towards the wheelchair. Jay said something about doing things by himself but Will immediately shot it down. They pack of people were gone before Hailey could get out of the driver's seat. For a moment things were quiet, the world calm and free of freaking out. She used the time to close her eyes and breathe, send all positive thoughts she had towards that ED room. 1…2…3…4…5. She opened her eyes, put the truck in park and turned everything off. A final look over of her emotional face, opening and closing the driver's door, before turning to face the beast. Time to get some answers.

By the time she arrived to the room Jay was already transformed into a hospital patient, clothes thrown into a pile on the floor while people huddled all around the room. The starkest part of it all was the prosthetic resting against the wall, that little token acting as a memento of why all of this was happening. Jay was sort of sitting up, head resting on a pillow as his first IV of the day was inserted. Oxygen was already flowing into his nose, his responses yes or no nods as people were going through the initial rundown of history questions. Hailey just stood in the doorway for a bit of time, taking it all in at people worked on him and then just looking at him. He didn't look well. Jay was really pushing air out now, still shaking and sweating but just looking ill. The man never ceased to amaze her. In a couple hours, at the most, he went from totally fine and at work, to now looking to be at death's door. Never take things for granted, she mentally concluded, remembering to breathe as the diagnosis process got underway.

"Okay.." Ethan calmly remarked to the crowd.

"Let's see what's going on." Ethan held the end of the hospital gown and looked to Jay who nodded his approval, the gown slowly being pulled up till the entire residual limb was visible to the world. Hailey knew to look away. During this entire thing Jay had become super private about who saw things. Besides Will and doctors from all over the world, no one had seen his bare leg. So against the quiet gasps and wide eyed medical people, Hailey kept her eyes glued to the floor, hoping someone would notice her standing there.

"Oh Lord," Jay remarked first, head going right back on the pillow as Ethan and others looked at the big shock. Jay's leg had become blue and cold. It was a light coloring, but rather dangerous at this point.

"When did this all start?"

"It was not that color this morning and I felt the prosthetic when I put it on."

"But the pain was there when you got up?"

"A little. But I just figured it was part of the norm."

"So this is a quick onset of all this." Ethan noted it in Jay's chart, putting the gown back down and turning to people who could grab things.

"Page Marcel, get me an ultrasound, and let's start him on a Heparin drip."

"Why Heparin?"

"Because you didn't break anything so the only plausible explanation for all of this is something is cutting off blood flow to the leg."

"Like a clot?" Ethan nodded, which cued Jay succumbing to a full on panic attack. He kept saying 'no' countless times, once again burying his head in his hands as he shook and wanted to curl up, roll over and freak out. But of course this part was impossible given all that was going on.

"Jay, we're going to fix it," Will spoke quietly, which got head shakes and tears sputtering out of Jay. Hailey moved into the room now, she couldn't just stand there and watch this heart wrenching scene. She made it to the right side of the bed when Jay said it the first time.

"They can't take anymore of my leg."

"They're trying not to have that happen."

"NO WILL! They cannot take my leg! This is mine, alright! It's all I have and they cannot take anymore." And there it was, the moment they all had been waiting for. For the first time since this whole accident happened, Jay took ownership of himself entirely. Prior to this it was talking about the leg in a standard sense, stating what it was but never relating it to himself. As awful as the situation was surrounding the moment, Hailey and Will looked to each other in silent pride. Jay was finally embracing himself again.

"Jay, I swear when I say that we are trying to not let that happen."

"Please, please don't let them take it. I can't go through that again." Tears were pouring down his face, Hailey finding a tissue and wiping his face off before sitting on the edge of the bed and hugging him. He needed it and she didn't care what she was holding up.

"Jay, you're going to get through this. I'm so sorry it's happening but you're going to be okay." She felt his head nod, his body shaking and jolting under the fear and panic and stress that was happening inside his body. Will tapped her shoulder, pointing to Ethan who was holding the portable ultrasound. She patted Jay's back one more time, pulling away and spinning around so that all were looking at the screen. During the entire thing she didn't let go of his hand, rubbing circles on his back as things got underway.

"I'm not looking, " she quietly told him as the gown was pulled up again and the ice cold gel was squirted on his leg. The wand was rubbed into the goo for a few rotations before venturing out on the leg. Being completely honest, it wasn't good.

"No pulse," Ethan spoke to the crowd, continuing to move things in search of the deadly clot.

"It's not at the base, which isn't great."

"Why is that not good?"

"It means it's moving. Just keep breathing, Jay. We'll find it." Slowly and methodically Ethan moved his way up the leg, slowly shaking his head the longer things went and they didn't get anything. Jay was really trying to obey his brother's wishes, but the dead silence was suffocating him. News had to come. This day couldn't have been going any worse. But then, a faint thump cracked through the small speaker. They had life.

"Okay, so wherever it is it's below this point," Ethan concluded as while marking a line on Jay's leg. We're talking about one, may two inches of leg from the groin, taking off about 98% of his residual limb. Just seeing the line had Jay freaking out again.

"No, no no no, no no Will!"

"Jay, you're really flirting with shock right now so please try to calm down. That doesn't mean anything other then where they don't have to look for things." Marcel greeted the lively room now, waving to Jay, Will, and Hailey before working through the crowd and to Ethan.

"What is it?"

"It's definitely a clot and it's definitely below this line."

"Okay, looks to be a fun one," Marcel acknowledged while examine the shade and numbness of Jay's leg. He took out a safety syringe and began gently poking, each time asking Jay if he could feel things. Marcel finally got a reaction just above the line on the leg. Again, more splendid news.

"Alright, someone book an OR like right now. We need to get him up to radiology for a scan to pinpoint where exactly this thing is and then we're going right into the OR." The pace picked up, everyone now aware of how behind the clock they were. Jay's leg at this point was essentially dead, life being choked out of it as the minutes clicked off. Pre-op paperwork was signed and more lines and monitoring items were attached to Jay, the entire time Jay lost in a chaotic haze. Hailey kept talking to him, encouraging him that everything was going to be okay but she got nothing. It was Will applying the anti-nausea patch on his shoulder blade while the leg was marked once again that brought him back to earth.

"This isn't happening."

"It is, man. I'm sorry."

"Did..did I..do this? Did I walk too much or push too hard, ignoring pain when I shouldn't have." Hailey got right in Jay's face as he kept rambling, putting hands on his face and forcing him to look right at her.

"Jay, if you hear nothing else today, hear this: you didn't do this to yourself."

"She's right, there are a number of factors that this could of been, the most likely is the fact that this can happen to amputees. Things are getting reworked and that can lead to the chance of a clot." But Jay didn't really listen, keep looking down at the lines and the knowledge of what was going on, the tears slowly working their way out once more.

"Don't let them take anymore." Will looked back to Marcel as Hailey hugged Jay once more. He was in a full panic and freak out. In order to keep him stable they had to take Jay out of the equation.

"Can we knock him out here?"

"Does he want that?" Jay nodded while still hugging Hailey. The call was made and the people and all their fancy, fun drugs ascended from the magical OR floor in minutes. The room cleared out except for Hailey, Will, and the anesthesiologist who was getting everything set.

"Just inserted the relaxant," she announced while testing the suction and attachments for the breathing tube that was soon to follow. It was amazing how fast Jay relaxed. Gone was the fear and crying and freak outs, in place of it all zoned out blanks and normal, methodical breathing.

"Do you want me to swing by the apartment and pack stuff for you," Hailey offered?

"Yeah," Jay replied in a mellow tone.

"Okay, I'll pack every onesie that you own."

"Don't…you…dare," is what made Hailey chuckle.

"Okay, here comes the good stuff." Will looked back at Jay and realized he had to talk fast.

"They're going to save your leg, alright?! I'll see you when you wake up." Jay so much as nodded and said the 'o' in 'okay' before he was totally out. As the bed was lowered so Jay could be intubated, Hailey rounded the bed to Will's side, the two of them hugging as they watched the procedure. Correction, Will looked on with a very sad face while Hailey buried her head in his side. She couldn't fathom having to watch this happen all over again to Jay. It was too soon, too raw for her right now. Opening her eyes gave her the view the swore she never wanted to see again. Just as it was the first time around, Jay was gone. Machines were breathing for him while his body was not doing so hot at the moment. But this time around, she told herself, good had to be the end result. Jay couldn't survive that again, in reality none of them could endure that pain and shock another time. This time things had to work, the leg had to be saved. Will pulled the two of them away so Marcel could take over. He said something about the scan being an hour and the surgery at least two, updates coming whenever they could. They went their separate ways at the elevator. Will opting to squeeze Jay's hand one last time while Hailey pecked his forehead with a small kiss. They stood there and watched the doors close and the elevator rise until it stopped at it's endpoint. He was gone. The only thing left to do was hope, pray, eat something and wait. Could someone tell them why and how this day went so drastically wrong.

…

"This feels wrong to be here when he's down there," Hailey finally spoke into the silence. The two of them spent the duration of Jay's scan in the waiting room, rubbing jean burns on their palms as they silently stressed over what was coming next. Once again, they found themselves in unknown territory. Not even Will knew what was going to happen. It was a clot, it was bad, but the course of treatment was not a sequential thing. Perhaps the good thing about last time was that while all of this sea of unknown was swam through, they were too concerned with getting there to truly notice. By the time they arrived things were done, in the aftermath of things. So to sit in that room pretty much alone, in quiet, with nothing but the mind to entertain, safe to say the two of them went through emotional rollercoasters. When a nurse came to relay the info, the two of them sprung to their feet in excitement, thinking things had turned for the good. But as she spoke and the manner with which she did, it was obvious that the worst was still ahead. Jay did indeed have a clot, a massive one that was cutting off about ninety percent of the blood flow to his leg. He was already losing reflexes and movement in the leg so Marcel had to perform an open rescue mission to capture the clot. They hoped to save the leg, hoped. That word resonated with the two of them. Will fell back on the chair and hung his head, feeling the pressure and guilt of promising something to Jay that didn't have a sure outcome. He couldn't go through that talk again, have Jay awaken to really, truly only having one leg. The sniffling and repeats of being awful and a horrible person is what told Hailey she had to step in and help him. Right now, helping Jay meant helping Will. She yanked on his arm a couple times, tapping her foot as he took forever to look her way. She said they needed to get out of here, go wherever Will felt safe, calm, a place to escape. He took the lead, taking the elevator to the top before guiding her down the hall and up the steps to the roof entrance. One step out into the world had Will beaming, exhaling through his mouth as he took in the view.

"It's okay, we'll go down in a bit." Hailey nodded, looking back to the city in front of her, making sure to give Will some space. They were at the southwest corner of the building, Will on the brick ledge that looked out to the lake while Hailey was ninety degrees away, looking out the skyline of Chicago. With the exception of the occasional bluster, the world was very quiet, a kind gesture. All sirens and car horns and people were dwindled down to white noise. It was just the occupants of the roof, the city, and the water, that was all that was residing at this height. Hailey understood why Will chose this place, taking about a minute to be both jealous that Will had this available and not understanding why they didn't do this at the district.

"So it looks like everyone is here now. Do you want them to come up here with us?"

"No," Will quickly shot back, Hailey looking away from him and back to her view of things. She got it, this was his little sanctuary and he didn't want to share it. Hailey now felt extremely fortunate to be here with him. She closed her eyes, breathing in the sweet scent of fresh air, exhaling with his voice in her head. Oh so she felt to be reliving life all over again, a part of it she never wanted to redo but vowed to never forget. It was a big one, a life shifter. But, she reminded herself, this episode would not be as bad as the last. Was this one scary? Most certainly. But it would not be as drastic and earth shattering as before. Or so she blindly hoped.

"I can see why you picked this spot. It's so peaceful, easy to forget everything that is happening under your feet. You feel like you're almost in the Heavens."

"I can't break my promise to him." Hailey closed her eyes with a face of somber and heartfelt pain. She knew that's what was bothering him, a little bit of her happy he finally got it out of his system.

"Will, he's going to pull through."

"No, you don't get it, understand how bad a serious blood clot like that can be, especially to him. People can be paralyzed, have limbs removed. He can't feel or really move his leg. The body is cutting off life and sensation, Hailey. It's dying and there's a really great chance of not being able to get it back." Will lost it then, head meeting the top of a fisted hand on the brick border. He was doubled over, sobbing and crying out for things to stop, for time to rewind itself and take this nightmare away from his brother. Hailey pivoted the ninety degrees to Will, shushing in his ear and holding him as he cried on her shoulder. Oh how the tables had turned. The first time around it was Will who was the strong one and Hailey who was always on the verge of losing it. In a weird way, Hailey was happy to have this opportunity to pay him back. Certainly she never wanted it to be at the cost of Jay's health, but she was grateful for Will and his willingness to open up to her, more then happy to be that rock he needed right now.

"He doesn't deserve this. He's been through so much," Will choked out.

"I know." Hailey gently pushed Will to the ground, the two of them hugging each other with backs to the wall, now the two of them crying on each other. It was the picture of family, friendly love. There was no way Hailey wasn't going to apart of their lives now.

"Will, he's going to make it through. They found the clot, they're working on it, we got there in time. I know it's very hard to believe that right now, but you have to hold on to that." Will nodded, allowing Hailey to rest her head of his shoulder while he sat up and looked out to the other side of the roofline.

"Can you imagine if someone else came up here right now," Will asked.

"Oh gosh, they'd think we were idiots or ridiculous people…He's going to make it."

"I hope you're right."

"Gut feeling, Will. He's going to be asking to leave before the day's over."

"Yeah, true," Will laughed.

"I agree, let's not invite more people up here. Here things are clearer and free of stress."

"Sounds good to me."

And they stayed there until the sun went down, some three hours after their arrival. Now with the sun behind and hiding, the chilliness of late summer night's in Chicago made their presence known. It took one stiff breeze to force the two of them to look at each other before mentally telling the other they'd race to the door. Hailey edged Will out by the way, each giggling and panting as they jogged down the stairs and through the hallway, only stopping because the elevator hadn't arrived yet. Before long they were back at the place where things all began. Will looked to Hailey who returned the reassuring look to him, each asking the other if they were ready. The scene on the other side of the door was heart warming. Everyone from Intelligence was there, all having dropped their day to hold out for Jay. Trudy was there, along with Randall who looked to have come straight from work. They all rose at the door opening, everyone handing out hugs and well wishes before finding seats, making sure Will and Hailey were as comfortable as possible. From that point Will took over, informing everyone of what was going on and how things were being treated. Hailey took over the task of telling life before they arrived at Med. There was a sense of guilt in the place, silent regret for figuring they played a role in this day unfolding how it did. So to avoid those thoughts Will and Hailey just kept talking. Talking about any and everything, what it took to keep life and some amount of joy and normalcy in the place. They were all happily engaging in some random debate when the waiting room door opened once again, all rose at the sight of Dr. Marcel.

"Everyone please sit," he encouraged, finding room on the wall and resting. They would've jumped at the sound of a single water droplet. The tension was layered thick in the room.

"I will begin with the best news, we did not have to remove any more of his leg. Blood flow has been restored and very early signs of life and sensation are there once again." The physical and verbal exhaling trickled all throughout the room. Some clasped hands and excitedly inhaled before saying something wonderful. Others loudly exhaled as they slouched back in their seats, the biggest prayer had been answered. But Will remained still, hanging on the wording Marcel used. He said the best news, meaning there was some not-so-great news.

"But," Will inquisitively asked?

"But, he's going to be on blood thinners for quite awhile. Walking on the leg is out of the question until he gets off of those and does some physical therapy to help re-strengthen the leg. It's been through a lot today."

"How's he doing," Hailey questioned next?

"He's exhausted but looking as good as he can. Woke up and looked around for a bit before settling down." Will was on his feet and heading to the door, everyone startled at his swift response.

"Why didn't you lead with that," Will asked while opening the door? He was gone before they all could ask for him to hang on, Marcel telling everyone to wait a moment before he took off for Will, catching him smashing the elevator button while pacing.

"Will, wait up."

"I told him I'd be there when he woke up and clearly I've broken that."

"Will, it was in between the OR and recovery. He won't remember it. He was just coming off anesthesia."

"Great, let's keep the conversation moving as we get there," Will shot back, hopping onto the waiting car and motioning for Marcel to keep up.

"Umm, we had to perform an open procedure. We thought about doing an embolectomy or angio but the clot was so big and he was losing things so fast we had to go open."

"So it's totally gone."

"Yeah, and we've already got him on the drip so he's going to be pretty drowsy for awhile." The elevator chimed and Will picked up the pace, speed walking while waving to people as he charged on. No one was going to stop him from seeing Jay.

"When we took him off the vent his oxygen levels dipped a little, pretty normal given all that has been going on. We have him on a cannula right now and he'll need to stay on it for a couple days, but other then that he shouldn't have anymore problems."

"What's pain at," Will whispered, both of them in the depths of recovery. Will asked the question while ducking his head in between the curtained off areas, shaking his head when he kept coming up empty.

"Not sure. We gave him a nerve block and he's on strong meds, but we won't know more till he's awake. I know he's had a history of bad pain, so let's see where he is when he's able to talk." At last Will found him, the lone sock draped over the end of the bed his prize. It was eerily familiar now, that sick, stomach churning feeling in the pit of his stomach. They were doing this all over again, that terrible night where horror met reality.

"I need alone time with him."

"Of course, take however much you need. He'll be here for another hour before we transfer him. What do you want me to tell the others?"

"They can see him when he moved upstairs." Marcel nodded, taking a step back as Will moved closer to Jay.

"Oh, Marcel?" The surgeon turned back to the voice calling him.

"Thanks for everything. You have no idea how relived I am to not have to tell him something bad." Marcel only nodded, padding his way to the exit. Will took a breath, telling his nerves to take a chill pill before he ducked into the makeshift room. They had made it.

Just as he did that very first night, Jay looked extremely peaceful. His head was tilted to one side and he was breathing puffs of air out of his mouth, but looking him you'd never guess he was just coming out of major surgery. It appeared more monitoring leads had been attached since they were last together, and Will noted the new IV line designated for the Heparin drip. He had more stuff on him then before, but through it all he was a sleeping beauty. Will wanted to reach over and shake his brother out of pride and excitement, but Will wisely chose to grab a stool and move it to the left side of the bed. He wanted to inspect the damage, see what was going on right at this point of the recovery. Jay was under layers of warm blankets to help combat the coldness of the OR and the internal cooling that was taking place with the thinner blood. Will looked at the monitors to help guide him in where Jay was. The heart was slightly elevated, very common after all the stress and surgery, not to mention the added thinning that was going to make blood pumping work that much harder. Jay's oxygen level kept moving every minute or so, hovering between the low 90s and high 80s. He now understood why Marcel opted to keep him on oxygen, thankful Jay wasn't still intubated or on a mask. Out of all the options, Will knew Jay would take what he had on right now. Very slowly and lightly and gradually, Will moved Jay's left hand up enough to pull the blankets down. Both arms were resting on a side of his stomach, hands somewhere close to the hip bones. Will would touch, look to make sure Jay was still out, and then proceeded forward. He pulled the blankets down enough before returning the hand to it's place, continuing to pull the blankets down till the void of a missing knee and lower leg showed itself to the little room. The length of the hospital gown covered the entire left leg, Will sighing as he lightly grabbed the end of the gown and started moving up. He was able to get a quick glimpse before Jay's whole body shuttered.

"Sssshhhhh, hey Jay. Relax it's just me." Jay's head slowly rolled left to right a couple times before the eyes opened up, revealing bloodshot, dead tired orbs blinking with the hope of gaining focus. Will's calm yet excited face came into view before long, putting Jay a little at ease.

"Hey," graveled out of his mouth. Will took the response with tepid excited.

"Hey man, it's all done. I'm just looking at what happened. Is that okay?" Jay took a moment to process what Will was saying, but before long nodded a couple of times before his eyes went around the room, desperately wanting to figure out where he was.

"Is this the room?"

"No, we're in recovery right now, but we'll be going to a room in a little bit." Jay nodded, yawning as hands worked up towards his face to pull things off.

"Whoa, no way. That has to stay on."

"What?"

"Your oxygen stats are a little low right now so that has to stay on for a couple days."

"Okay." Jay nodded again as he closed his eyes, quietly whimpering as Will looked back to what he was originally doing.

"I can't stop shaking," Jay spoke just above a whisper.

"It's the anesthesia. You're coming off a lot of stuff and are on some strong meds. It'll go away soon." Jay didn't offer a response, just kept the eyes closed against the strong shivering of his body. Will moved the gown to the groin region, observing the dressing that was visible. Most of the leg was in a monitoring cuff, small jolts of force hitting Jay's leg every couple of minutes; doing it's best to encourage the blood flow to return to his leg. Will never thought he'd get to this point, but he'd never been more excited to see a portion of a leg remaining. It was still an adjustment, but at least it wasn't any different then it had been for months now. Will could cry he was so relieved.

"Will," tiredly and nervously broke out into the room, Will's head flying in the direction of the sound.

"Yup, what's up."

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"No, no you're not. Just give me a second." Will was gone and back in just over three minutes, two syringes in hand.

"You want me to do it?" Jay could only nod, eyes still shut as Will injected the medication into each hip. Once the task was done and syringes were disposed of, the room was silent, allowing that rest and time for things to kick in.

"So, how much of my leg is gone," Jay asked after some time, that being Will's sign that things were working.

"Jay, they didn't take anymore of your leg."

"Yeah right." Jay forced himself to open his eyes, looking around once more before finding Will at his side.

"I'm not lying, man. They didn't take anything." Will took Jay's hand in his.

"May I?" Jay was so drugged still he was quite clueless, just staring with a deadpan reaction. Will sat the bed up a little, to Jay's hand and planted it on the end of his leg, looking back up at him as he spoke.

"Notice how there isn't anything right there? No drains or dressings or wrap? They didn't take anything." Jay's breathing was picking up, like he was holding back emotions or some freak out. The bed was lowered back to its' original position, Will returned the hand to it's resting place before using his finger to poke around the limb.

"Can you feel here?" Jay's lower lip curled up as he nodded, biting back the tears.

"And what about here?" That was when he couldn't hold it in anymore. It started with one tear, soon transitioning into a steady stream. It was hard to read his reaction as anything other then relief and peace.

"Don't cry, Jay. We don't need you stressing anything right now." Will used his sleeve to wipe tears away, trying his best to not start his up all over again.

"You're on some strong meds right now that are thinning your blood so this doesn't happen again, but surgery went great and they got everything out and you got through this without having to have anything removed."

"How long do I have to stay here?" Will wanted to burst out laughing. Hailey knew him so well.

"At least a few days. The strong meds have to be given for awhile before you can switch off of everything. You also can't walk on the leg for a little bit so it's crutches for you again."

"Okay," Jay sniffed.

"But right now, I need you to rest. You've been through a lot so it's time to give the body a chance to take a break. Love you, Jay. Glad this part is over." Jay indeed fell back to sleep in minutes, not needing an extra reminder to kick off to sleepy time. There was a quick smirk before he went limp, the quiet snores of tiredness going perfectly inline with the heart monitor. For the remaining forty-five minutes in recovery they were two people. Will was that steady pillar of consciousness and comfort while Jay peacefully and really slept. He didn't wake up when it was time to move him, not phased at all by the change in lighting or the jostling of the gurney going in and out of the elevator. He did open his eyes and jolted fear when they moved him from gurney to the ICU bed, Will right there to calmly and directly inform that he was in his room and everything was fine. Jay's nod in quick acceptance was the last thing that came out of him that day. He didn't return to the world when the waiting party was ushered in one at a time. He didn't even stir when Hailey sat on the bed holding his hand before laying another kiss, on his cheek this time, before promising to return in the morning. As the hours clicked off everything was going swimmingly, Will really starting to believe things were calming down. Life, recovery was going splendidly, and then midnight struck.

I went back and forth over if I should include the next part in this chapter or start another chapter. We can see which one I chose. So you guys, we only have a couple chapters left of this story! I'm a little sad to see it come to an end, but stories have their beginnings and endings and that time is coming soon. But first, we will pick things back up in the very next chapter. Now some of you may hate me for the whole job and Intelligence thing, but please, please keep reading. That part is not done, things are most definitely still in the works. Cannot wait to share soon. Thanks for reading!