I do not own Star Wars in any capacity.

Alright, I should be back to publishing regularly again :)

Enjoy Chapter 11!

While the rest of the day had passed more or less quietly, Kanan could sense a storm churning in the young boy's mind. He had made a few attempts to get Ezra to open up a bit more and connect with either him or his daiima, but it was clear that Ezra was not ready for that yet. It was emotionally exhausting for all of them.

Not that the day had been a complete bust. Getting Ezra to shed off a part of the Inquisitorious so to speak was not insignificant. It gave Kanan a glimmer of hope. Maybe their recovery wouldn't be as long and arduous as it had been for him and Nara.

Then again, Ezra was still completely ignoring his daiima. It was like he wanted nothing to do with her. It was painful to watch.

Kanan was curled up against Nara's side as usual, watching the slow rise and fall of Ezra's chest. They were still taking turns sleeping in order to keep an eye on their wards. Ezra was still wary of Nara, particularly with the cot's new position closer to the estrade, but he seemed content with the proximity with Kanan. It was enough that Ezra could sleep peacefully.

However, a feeling was starting to trouble Kanan. At first, he couldn't put his finger on it. But as the night wore on, he recognized it as a warning. The Force was telling him that something was coming.

It wasn't coming from Ezra. The boy was hardly a danger to them at this point. Kanan could only conclude that it had something to do with Nar Shaddaa. And that did not bode well. At all.

Of course, he had no way of knowing what the warning was for. It could be for Kaadak. It could be for something else entirely. Either way, it couldn't be ignored. Not under these circumstances.

The following morning, after Kanan had gotten the Ezra situated with breakfast, he confirmed with Nara that she was sensing it as well. And it was making her anxious, because there was no way she would be able to get away with accompanying him to meet Kaadak.

[Just stay on guard] she said to him worriedly.

[You know I will. We'll keep our heads down, and hopefully this is nothing.]

Nara pawed the surface of the estrade in discontent. [Kanan, this isn't a normal warning. It's… something is going to happen.]

[Yes, I know] he thought back tiredly. [But what can I do? We have to do this. I want this collar off of Ezra yesterday.] Kanan could feel a fearful hesitation from her. [What?]

[...I think you should take your lightsaber.]

The mere notion stabbed through Kanan's chest like a lance. He clenched his fist against his thigh and growled. [No.]

[Kanan...]

[What would even be the point? The moment I whip it out, you might as well have been with me!]

[But you can hide your saber! And if things really go bad, I'd feel a lot happier if you had it with you and not!]

All at once, he was nauseous. He hasn't so much as touched his saber since he and Nara had come aboard the Ghost. And he hasn't ignited it even once since Denova. The thought of hooking it to his belt alone made his skin crawl. To even fathom using it…

[You need to be practical] Nara went on, although her tone had softened. [Maybe I'm just overreacting, but I'd rather you be safe than sorry. Especially since you have to protect Ezra and the Little One.]

He had no counterargument for that. And as they neared the Smuggler's Moon, there was no denying that the Force was getting louder and more insistent.

Nara shifted her body slightly, causing Ezra's daiima to readjust herself as Nara leaned over and pressed her nose against Kanan's arm. She didn't say anything but her desperate imploring sang loudly through their bond.

Kanan sighed, his shoulders slumping as he relented. He placed a hand on her snout, rubbing it slightly. [Alright. I'll take my saber.]

Nara's tail thumped a few times at that as she gave his face a small lick. Kanan gave a small smile and pressed his face to the side of her head, breathing into the fur. He wished more than anything that they could walk out together without fear. Their tether might be permanently damaged, but the physical distance they were forced to endure still hurt.

The hyperdrive powered down, signaling their arrival to Nar Shaddaa. Ezra noticeably stiffened, placing the bit of his meal bar aside. Well, at least he ate most of it.

Hera's voice rang out over the internal comm. "We'll be landing on Nar Shaddaa in ten minutes."

"Copy that," Kanan said. He stood from the estrade. "I need to deal with a couple things. I'll be back before we land."

Ezra just gave a small nod, shrinking in on himself slightly.

[I've got them] Nara assured.

Kanan gave a single nod before heading out and up towards the cabins. While he did want to check in with Hera once they had landed, he needed a few minutes to himself.

Walking into his cabin, he locked the door as soon as it shut. For a moment he just stood there and breathed, trying to keep his nerves calm. Then he slowly turned towards the bunk.

The room was filled with screaming. A continuous cacophony of pain, fear, and anger seemed to echo off the walls. Most of the time he could block it out, but between the proximity and what he was about to do, it was near impossible. Kanan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, focusing on his shields. Nara was in the back of his mind, giving what little help she could to bolster his shields.

Slowly, the screaming fell away. It was still there of course, and that knowledge still made Kanan's stomach roil uncomfortably. But at least it was no longer deafening in Kanan's mind.

Smacking his thigh and blowing out a shaky sigh, he went over to kneel by his bunk and opened the drawer. Ezra's half moon saber, smooth and simple… lying alongside his own.

Kanan could only stare at it, at the dust that had built up on it. This object represented everything from his and Nara's past life. Their life before Denova. The good. The bad. Everything. And Kanan wished he could just forget every single one of those memories. There was hardly a single second that wasn't tied with heart wrenching pain.

But with Ezra and his daiima, he couldn't. Kanan had to accept the painful fact that he wouldn't be able to help them if he continued to run away from his past forever. He was going to have to draw from his knowledge and experiences… and that meant acknowledging them.

He reached down and delicately picked up his lightsaber. For an absurd moment, he half-expected some sort of painful jolt or memory to force itself onto him with the contact. But nothing of the sort happened. The durasteel was cool against his fingers as he shakily wiped the dust off. His heart was heavy as he meticulously dragged his fingerpads along the groves and in between the flanges.

Once the durasteel was clean, he gripped the hilt tightly with a shuddering sigh. A lightsaber was a Jedi's life. It was with bitter acceptance that he realized that this saber really did embody every aspect of his and Nara's life. Even if they were not - would never be - Jedi, this saber had journeyed and suffered right along with them.

His eyes burned slightly. This weapon was their life.

Kanan stood and twisted the saber apart into two separate pieces, hanging the hilt off a hook on his hip and attaching the emitter on the back of his belt. Back on Denova, he had reconfigured the saber so that it could break down like this. It was easier to conceal its true nature when separated.

Hitting his thigh and taking another calming breath, he gave himself a small nod. Whatever was going to happen on this smuggler moon… he would be ready.

Sabine's fingers twisted as she reassembled her second pistol, giving it a spin before dropping it into her holster. Satisfied, she pulled her gloves back on and flexed her hands with a small huff.

There was the soft hiss of a cabin door opening. It wasn't her own, which gave her pause. Hera was in the cockpit landing the ship, so unless Chopper was raiding her room for some reason…

Sabine stepped out of her cabin just in time to see Kanan disappearing down the ladder to the loading dock. She frowned, turning to look back at the cabin next to her own. She knew it was technically Kanan's, but she wasn't sure she had ever seen him actually use it. The only time Sabine had seen Kanan up here was if he was spending time with Hera. And it was always in Hera's cabin. Otherwise Kanan spent most of his time in the cargo bay with Nara.

She glanced back at the ladder. As far as she knew, there wasn't even anything in Kanan's cabin. So what was he doing in there now? Right before a job?

Stepping over, she placed a hand on the door. It was locked, as usual. She could probably hack it if she wanted to, but she wouldn't. Even if it did lead to some answers, she can't build the trust she was craving with Kanan and Hera by sneaking around behind their backs.

It didn't stop her from wondering though. Did Kanan keep anything in there? What would he want to keep locked away, separated from him and Nara in the cargo bay? Sabine doubted he had any Jedi artefacts considering he had been so young when the Jedi had been killed off. As far as she knew, he didn't even have a lightsaber.

Or maybe Kanan had just used the room for a bit of isolation away from Nara to get his head in the game. Having Ezra and his daiima on the ship had certainly thrown him for a loop, no doubt he needed it.

The ship rocked and suddenly stilled, indicating that they had landed. The engines powered down, and Sabine sighed as she also went down into the loading dock. There were voices from the cargo bay, so clearing her throat, she knocked on the door before opening it.

Nara was on the estrade as usual with Ezra's daiima curled up against her chest. Ezra was sitting on the cot, looking up at Kanan who was standing in front of him with his arms crossed. They all turned to her as Sabine stepped inside. "I'm ready when you are," she said.

Kanan gave a single nod, turning back to Ezra. "This shouldn't take long," he said. "If all goes well… we'll have that collar off of you in just a couple hours."

The kid's body was stiff where he sat, his gloved hands squeezed together tightly between his knees. Ezra's eyes drifted down away from Kanan as he gave a small nod.

Kanan gave a barely discernible sigh, stroking a hand over Nara's snout before turning to leave. "Kaadak's place should only be a couple klicks from here."

Sabine stepped aside and waved her arm out. "Lead the way."

They walked out, the cargo bay door closing behind them. As the ramp lowered, Sabine glanced back, feeling pensive for reasons she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Then again... everything single thing that has happened this past week might have something to do with it.

Kanan walked out of the ship, and Sabine put her helmet to follow closely behind him. Hopefully this Kaadak person was the key to have something finally go right.

It was taking all of Ezra's willpower to not bounce his leg nervously. He was about to burst with anxious energy from the fact that he was alone with the Jedi's enormous Asset.

Kanan and Sabine had just left to meet with this lock picker. Apparently this person was a couple klicks away? It was with a growing sense of horror that Ezra watched Kanan leave not only the room but the ship… with his Asset not even flinching at the distance. Kanan walking around the ship was one thing. It was an usually large distance, but it didn't seem too unreasonable that this Jedi just had a longer tether.

But to be klicks away from each other… It confirmed that Kanan really had been alone in Lothal's Capitol City. It was nauseating to imagine. Ezra just couldn't wrap his head around it. It just made him think of all the times he and his Asset were put into the Boxes. It made him want to vomit.

Although this begged the question, why hadn't he been taught about this in the Inquisitorious? If this was a Jedi ability, it seemed important to know about. Unless it wasn't a normal Jedi ability… in which case, how was Kanan able to do it? Was it related to the fact that they didn't sleep at the same time?

A low rumble made Ezra jump up to his feet. His heart was pounding as he watched Nara slowly stand and stretch. Then she looked over at Ezra with her intense amber eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Ezra just looked away, swallowing down the sick fear that was rising up from the bottom of his belly. With Kanan gone, Ezra was very very exposed. He barely had a handle on his own sense of self. Having to deal with anyone but Kanan right now was overwhelming. He felt like he was in a cracked shell, and at any moment it could shatter.

The wolf sighed, slowly stepping off the platform and ambling around the cargo bay. She seemed to be stretching out her limbs, which Ezra supposed wasn't unreasonable. Nara had been laying down for hours now. But every little thing the wolf did had Ezra teetering on the edge of an abyss.

But his Asset was following Nara as she walked, which left Ezra in the uncomfortable position of having to endure the painful pull at his chest. They hadn't even made a full rotation around the room before Nara suddenly stopped and looked at Ezra again. "You can come closer…" she said softly. "I promise I won't bite."

There was an echo of a piercing pain in his shoulder, and he immediately shook his head. "N-No thanks…"

Nara let out a huff as she closed some of the distance between them. Ezra's breathing caught in his throat, his body so tense it was trembling. But then she sat down, uncomfortably close but the pain in his chest had eased. "It can't feel good to be keeping yourself so far from your daiima."

His eyes slid down to her. She was still in lothcat form, sitting between Nara's paws. She was gazing up at Ezra, and he could sense her reaching out to him. Ezra didn't reject her outright, but he didn't reach back either. He… he didn't know how. This bond they shared, the invisible rope that kept them tied together had never made any sense. When he was young, he had thought it was just a thing you had with your parents. If you ever wandered too far, it would hurt. But at some point, Ezra realized that it wasn't just his parents. There were times where he could be snuggled up right by their sides, and he would still just ache.

The only time in his entire life he didn't feel that ache were those hours - days? - after his parents were arrested. That brief stretch of time before they were handed over to the Inquisitors and their training began.

"I-I'm used to it," Ezra eventually mumbled. Which was the truth. And frankly, it should be the truth for her as well.

Except it wasn't. It's never been, not since they realized that she wasn't just a voice. She was a separate being that he could touch and hold. Despite their training, they both still yearned and craved for that touch again. Even if the notion was still foreign and fundamentally wrong in a way Ezra couldn't articulate.

"It doesn't have to be like this," Nara said. "No one is going to hurt you for being together."

Ezra just shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to think about it.

"You are two parts of a whole. You belong together."

"Well it seems to work well enough for you and Kanan," Ezra snapped back, but he almost immediately regretted it. Kanan wasn't here to intervene if she wanted to discipline him for his insolence.

There was a beat of silence, Ezra's body tense as he waited for her reaction. When she spoke up again, her tone was more subdued. Almost sad. "Kanan and I are different. We… are no longer connected in the way you are with your daiima."

Ezra frowned. What did that even mean?

Nara gave Ezra's Asset a small lick between her ears. "Daiima and their jemma are one being, connected through a Force tether. The tether between Kanan and I, however… was severed."

Ezra felt the blood drain from his face.

Inhumane screams were making his ears ring. His body was pressed up against one side of his box, trying anything to relieve the horrible pressure in his chest. The screaming wasn't his own. There were no words, just pain and terror crescendoing in the Force, consuming every bit of Ezra's awareness… until it crested, and there was a world shattering crack.

And just like that, the light of two beings were snuffed out.

"H… How…?" Ezra choked out in disbelief. It was quite literally unbelievable. He had seen it himself, it almost happened to him. The day the troopers came… Ezra gripped at his chest, as if that might protect his connection with his Asset. "H-How are you alive?"

Nara gave what sounded like a chuckle. "I often wonder the same thing. There was a time where we thought we were dead." She drew in a deep breath. "But we weren't. We aren't." She gazed at Ezra again with those piercing eyes. "Things change. And they can always get better." Her gaze lowered to where Ezra was still gripping at his chest. "You don't have to keep torturing yourself like this. I know the Inquisitors forced you two apart, punished you if you showed any affection for one another…"

He quickly snapped his hands down, clenching his fists at his sides as he felt them burn.

[I… I'm sorry, Ezra…]

Ezra practically jumped out of his skin, looking down at her. She was also looking downward at her own paws, her ears pulled back against her head. The quiet churn of emotions he could sense from her matched his own, reverberating and slowly pulling the opposing ends of their bond together. Ezra's breathing shuddered as he instinctively scooted away.

[I-I'm sorry I couldn't do better… that I let you get hurt so much… ] She shuffled nervously, but then Nara chuffed and gave her a small encouraging nudge with her nose. Her hesitance began to die away as her confidence began to rise. [Nothing makes sense, but N-Nara and Kanan are trying to help us. You can sense it, I know you can…!]

Their bond was twisting and intertwining more tightly, the barrier Ezra had forced up between them beginning to crumble.

"No," Ezra whispered. "No, please shut up." He shook his head insistently. She was just a tool, his Force-given Asset. Something to use. That's all she was good for. She had to be. Otherwise his collar… his final trial…

[I don't blame you!] she said quickly. [I understand, they made you so lost and… Ezra, please, I just want you to come back.]

"Come back to what?!" Ezra exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "What the hell were we before?!" Wait, what was he doing? He couldn't be talking, conversing with her like this. She was beneath him, not a being worthy of anything if she did not bend to his will.

[I don't know but… but I don't want you to hurt anymore! Not because of me!]

"This isn't your fault!" Ezra snapped back. "I'm the one who pulled away from you, I'm the one who beat you until we almost passed out, I'm the one who was never kriffing strong enough!"

She didn't respond to that. All Ezra could hear was the sound of his own panting as he stared at her, met her in the eye for the first time in years. His heart leapt to his throat. It was like looking in a mirror, but the expressions and emotions were just slightly off. A different form of himself.

She took a step forward. [Ezra…]

Ezra quickly backed up. "No, stay away from me! I can't do this. I can't touch you, I can't let you in…" He hit the side of his head for emphasis. "I just can't."

There was a brief moment of silence before she suddenly swelled. Ezra took a stumbling step back, his back hitting the wall as his Asset took the form of a lothwolf like Nara. Her fur was a deep grey with streaks of brown, not unlike her fur pattern as a lothcat.

Ezra swallowed, his body shaking violently as he shrank back against the wall. He had no idea what she was doing. All he knew is that she was slowly closing the distance between them. It was only when her head was inches away from him that she hesitated. She was close enough that Ezra could feel the warmth radiating off her body.

Then she closed her eyes and pressed her muzzle up against Ezra's chest.

A strangled noise disgorged from Ezra's throat, something in his mind shattering at the contact. Painful relief expanded through his body like large fangs finally being pulled out of his flesh. He couldn't swallow back a low keen as he raised his shaking hands to cradle her jaw. The warm and soft fur was insignificant compared to the ring that was practically singing in his mind. Ezra sobbed. He hasn't felt this in so long… the time had been so brief he had thought maybe he had imagined it. But feeling it now… it was so right.

She let out a low rumble, pressing her head even harder against his chest as they both trembled. The pressure was almost crushing but Ezra didn't care. He just held her tightly, her fur soaking up his silent crying.

[I'm sorry!] Ezra thought to her frantically. [I'm so sorry for everything…!]

She just responded by nuzzling her head up against him, forgiveness flooding their bond. It was freely given, and it made Ezra feel just that much worse. His hands were scrambling along her muzzle, gripping desperately at her fur.

He didn't think he'd ever be able to let go ever again.

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