CHAPTER 12

We ate our dinner in an extended silence, with the occasional random compliment coming from Jace about the food.

"This shrimp salad is amazing, Cook."

"This is the best corn bread I've ever had."

"You outdid yourself, Cook."

"You could win a blue ribbon for this sweet potato pie, baby."

I had cleared the table and was putting the dishes in the dishwasher when Jace asked if I had been down to the horse barn since I arrived.

"Not yet, cowboy...I've been kind of busy around here." I said, making a sweeping motion with my arms.

"Yeah, stupid question. Do you feel up to going down there with me now? It's a beautiful night for a walk and I'd sorta like to get out of this house. Been cooped up too long and I'd like to check on things."

"I'm a little tired. I was going to head up to bed soon."

"I promise we won't be too long. Come with me...please?" Jace extended his hand to me. I turned the dishwasher on, then took his hand. He always did have a way to get me to do things. All he had to do was look through me with those incredible blue eyes of his and flash a smile at me and I was like putty in his hands. He led me out through the back porch and onto the pathway that went from the back of the ranch down to the paddocks and barns. The scent of newly mown hay and the chirping of crickets filled the cool night air. It smelled fresh and clean, unlike the air in downtown Chicago that was always stale and choked with smog, unless the famous city winds were blowing. It felt good to get out of the house and fill my lungs with the freshness of an early autumn Texas evening. It made me wish that the new house Matt was building for us was finished.

"Well, I'll be damned," said Jace, as we walked through the main horse barn. Bales of hay lined both walls of the corridor, stacked six high. The stalls were all filled with fresh hay, the feed bags had been filled and the equipment had all been cleaned and put neatly away. Everything seemed in order as we made our way to the office.

"They kept up on this place without me. Thank fuck for that." Jace slid a key into the door of the office. He unlocked it, pushed the door open and turned the light on. I stepped inside behind him and almost immediately, an image popped into my head of us wrapped up together naked on the leather couch that was against the wall near the door. Jace slid the rolling leather chair away from the desk and sat down in it. As I watched him, another image came into my head of me straddling him in that same chair and kissing him. I felt my breath catch in my throat at the memory of what followed. He and I had made love on the desk. I remembered it vividly, too vividly. I could feel the sensation of Jace touching me, kissing me as if it were happening in the here and now. Suddenly feeling faint, I clumsily sat down on the padded arm of the couch and wiped the beads of sweat that had broken out on my face with the back of my hand.

"You okay, baby?" asked Jace, turning around to look at me. I nodded my head, but he got up from the chair and hurried over to me. "Jesus, Cook...it can't be more than sixty degrees out and you're sweatin'! Are you sure you're alright?" He helped me up and moved me to one of the leather covered cushions on the couch. "Sit here and I'll get you something to drink." He walked back across the room and through a small hallway that was on the other side of the desk. He returned a few minutes later with a bottle of water and a damp washcloth.

"Here, take these," he said, handing them to me. I took a giant swig of water, then poured some out onto the cloth and wiped my face with it. "Better?" he asked, sitting down next to me and tucking my hair behind my ear. I nodded my head again as I took another big swallow of water.

"Christ, baby...what was that? Is everything okay with the baby? Do you need a doctor?" I could see that he was becoming increasingly concerned.

"I'm fine and the baby is fine too. No need to call a doctor. I just need a few minutes. I may have overdone it today, that's all. It's my body's way of telling me to slow down." I leaned back against the couch, bringing my legs up underneath me. I looked around at the room, remembering the layout of it. It had been repainted since I had last been inside, but the familiarity of it was undeniable.

"OK, cause if anything ever happened to you, I'd…"

"Relax, cowboy. I'm okay, really." A look of relief came over his face.

"Do you remember the last time you and I were in this office together, Cook? It was when I kidnapped you one night a couple of weeks before our wedding and brought you here. It was one hell of a night," he said.

"Didn't there used to be pictures of naked women all over these walls?"

"Yep...up until you bitched about it, then I took 'em all down," he said, leaning his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands between them. He had a devilish grin on his face.

"Why did you kidnap me, exactly?"

"Momma made you move into the main house a few weeks before we were married. We didn't like being separated from each other, especially at night in bed, so I took a horse from here to North Star to bring you home for the night. I wanted to show you that I had removed all of the pictures from the walls and to have a little alone time. We only got to see each other at meal times and I wanted more than that." The wicked little grin on his face touched that place inside me where I held the memories of our life and our love.

"I remember," I said, quietly. A soft smile broke out across my face at the memory of that night. It was just two people totally in love with their whole lives in front of them...until our world came crashing down around us a year later.

"Just let me check the paperwork for the last few weeks and we'll be out of here, okay baby?"

"OK, because I'm feeling a little more tired than I originally thought," I said, followed by a long drawn out yawn. Jace sat back down at the desk and pulled out one of the file drawers. He rifled through the array of manila folders that had been neatly lined up in the drawer until he finally found what he was looking for. He took two large folders from the drawer and laid them on the desk in front of him. He opened the file on top and began to look through the papers that filled it. One by one, he scanned each page, making a few notes as he went.

"Everything seems up to date. Gotta say I'm impressed by the work that my ranch manager has done, which is a load off my mind. Let's go home, Cook!" I got up off the couch and followed Jace through the office door into the main hallway of the barn. The air had gotten noticeably cooler. I ran my hands up and down the gooseflesh on both of my arms. Jace removed his long sleeved flannel shirt and handed it to me. "Wear this, baby. It'll keep you a little warmer."

I put my arms through the sleeves and pulled it close around me. The scent of him immediately surrounded me. I closed my eyes and pressed the sleeve to my face and inhaled, taking him inside my head.

"Feel like taking a horse ride home?" he asked, the sound of his voice breaking the momentary reverie.

"I don't think it's such a good idea for a pregnant woman to ride a horse, cowboy."

"I'll put you in front of me. I'll hold onto you the whole time. We'll go slow. We used to take rides together when you were pregnant with Harper. This won't be any different." He took a harness off one of the hooks that hung on the wall and opened one of the stall gates. Inside stood a beautiful chestnut colored horse. He hooked the harness over his neck and led him out into the barn. "Hold him for a minute, Cook," he said, handing me the reins. He lifted three bales of hay from the wall and stacked them to build makeshift steps. He climbed up and hoisted his body over the broad back of the horse.

"Your turn, baby."

"Don't we need a saddle?"

"Nope. This horse is Mahogany Run and she doesn't like being saddled since she's been retired. Just climb on up here and I'll help you do the rest. It'll be best if you sit side saddle. Do you trust me?" he said, holding his hand out to me. I nodded my head that I did and cautiously made my way up the bales of hay until my waist was level with the horse's back. Jace hooked his arm around me and gently guided me down onto the horse in front of him, with both my legs hanging over one side. Jace kept his arm around my back and held the reins in his hands. He slapped the thin leather strap lightly against the horse's neck and gently kicked its sides.

"Get, girl," he said. The horse jumped slightly, startling me enough that I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on for dear life.

"Jesus!" I said.

"It's okay, baby. I got you," said Jace as the horse began to slowly walk out of the barn. He pulled up on the reins just outside of the barn, making the big horse come to a stop. "Do we take the long way home or the short way? It's up to you, Cook."

"Definitely the long way," I said, looking into his amazing blue eyes. "Just don't let go of me!"

"I won't, baby." He gave another little kick and the horse moved slowly forward. Jace tugged in the right side of the reins, making the horse turn away from the barn and off the path that led back to the ranch until we were in a large grassy area surrounded by split rail fencing.

"This is her paddock. Gonna let her roam here for a few minutes." Dusk had settled now, casting a purplish pink light at the edges of the horizon. Thick grey and purple clouds streaked the sky above us. I looked up at the galaxy of stars overhead. One particular star was bigger and brighter than the rest.

"Look at that!" I said, raising my arm and pointing upward. Jace lifted his head up.

"That's Polaris...the North Star," he said, looking back down at me. "It's why Momma and Daddy named the ranch the way they did. It's big and bold, and led the way, just like they did when they built here."

"It's beautiful," I said, lowering my head to look at him.

"So are you," he said softly. I leaned my head against his shoulders and put my arms back around him as he led the horse out of the paddock and onto the dirt road that ran between the levels of paddocks and fields. The horse kept a slow and steady pace as we wandered through several trails throughout the fields and up near the ranch. We passed a large wooden pergola that stood in the middle of a freshly mowed field at the side of the house. Jace tugged at the reins, making the horse head in that direction. Once we were up next to it, I could see the ornate details of vines, bluebonnets and other flowers that had been hand carved into the wood.

"Do you recognize this?"

"I do," I said, starting to choke up.

"It's been standing here for sixteen years...a symbol of the love we felt that day," he said, pulling up on the reins and making the horse stop. Memories of our wedding day came rushing back to me as we sat there holding each other. I remember being deliriously happy that love had finally found me after a long time without it. Jackson Walker changed my life back then just as he was changing it now, except this time, our love only served to complicate things. Gone were the days of loving each other freely, a time that could never exist again. Both of us were chained to someone that would never allow us to move forward...him to me and me to Matt. I lifted my head off of his shoulder and placed my hand on his cheek. I turned his face towards mine, his fiery blue eyes connecting with mine and stopping my heart.

"Look at me, Jace..."

Before I could finish getting the rest of the words out, he took my face in his hand and covered my lips with his. His kiss was soft, but persistent. His tongue gently probed my mouth, his hunger for me apparent as he deepened the kiss. I dug at his shoulders and tried to push myself away from him. I couldn't allow him to kiss me like that and the look on his face told me he knew that.

"I'm sorry, baby. Got carried away in the memories," he said. He pressed his forehead to mine and stroked the side of my neck. I had successfully stopped him from kissing me, but there was no possible way I could hide my desire for him. He knew me too well. He guided the horse to the steps of the back porch and dismounted. He tethered the leather reins around one the bannisters. He walked up a couple of steps and held his hands out to me.

"Come on, Cook...I got ya," he said. I inched myself forward until I was closer to his outstretched arms. I let myself fall into his big strong hands and he guided me down to the step below him. I walked up a couple of steps until my face was level with his. I wrapped my arms around him, giving him a hug.

"Thank you, cowboy. Good night," I whispered through tears.

"Good night, baby," he replied. I watched as he got back on the horse and rode away towards the barn. When he was enveloped by the darkness and I could no longer see him clearly, I went back into the house. My head was full of nothing but him as I walked upstairs to my bedroom. My body ached for him to touch me again, to hold me in his strong arms and never let me go. His presence gave me a sense of comfort and security that being with Matt hadn't given me in the last several months. Our life as we knew it before our indiscretions was gone and although we were both trying hard to mend things, I feared that it would never be the same again because no matter how hard I fought against it, Jackson Walker would always be in my heart.