Chapter 11: apologies
In two days I was in the town where Sabertooth was located. I didn't know if Rufus was back or not, but hoped he wasn't. Even so, I couldn't dare to go inside. I just couldn't risk seeing him again.
But I didn't even need to get inside to meet him. He found me himself and pulled me into the crack between houses. When he took my sleeve and started to push me. I got confused, but in a few seconds processed who was taking me away and tried to pull myself away from his hands. But it was too late. He pushed me in the allay between the two buildings and hit me into the wall his hands in both sides of my head holding a wall, so I wouldn't be able to escape.
"I found you," he said.
"Rufus..." I whispered through my teeth glaring at him. Is that all he can say after half a year? How can he just get me there and play like he didn't even ditch me? And why he was so filled of force? That wasn't fitting him even more.
But then he leaned closer and pressed his lips against mine. It was confusing, but so long waited I couldn't resist. With his lips he opened my mouth and deepened the kiss which I let him. I missed that taste. I missed that feeling. I missed how hot his lips and tongue were. I missed him. I didn't know why I just let him kiss me but I wanted more. I waited for this too long I almost forgot how much it effected me. I didn't even feel when my fingers were in his hair pushing him closer. One moment and I forgot everything he did. I forgot the heartbreak, because finally again he was there. With me.
And only when we both lost our breathes we pulled away and I looked at him in shock. Why did he kiss me?
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked still catching my breath. His face was only an inch or two from mine.
"What are you doing here?" he asked not caring of my question.
"I was the first to ask," I glared again and pulled my hand from his hair.
He sighed. "Yesterday when I came back from the S-class quest I was told about Fairy Tail visit and invitation. They told me that the mail deliver of Magnolia is their newbie. They even described you as really beautiful icy blue haired mage with extremely cold skin. This could have been only you and I could admit, you're even more beautiful than I ever memorized you. Besides, they told me you're working here every second day and since you visited Sabertooth two day's ago it was simple to count you were here today," he explained licking his lips. He still felt that taste.
"So you answered at your own question too. I'm working here as a replacement," I said.
"It's not what I mean," he hissed.
I know what he meant. I knew exactly what he wanted to know.
"I'm a wizard," I said after a pause.
He was in shock I actually said that out loud. I could reach his thoughts. He was angry. It was making him really furious. But he was trying his best to hold himself calm.
"What did I tell you about using magic? Did you even listen to me?" he asked. "Do they even know?"
"No, they don't," I whispered almost fearing of him. His emotions were changing every second which was different from him, but I probably knew very little about Rufus. That year we were together... I thought I fell for an definitely different person.
Rufus pulled away a little and grabbed his head not knowing what to say. He needed a few breathes before he put his hands on a wall in both sides of my head again.
"Listen, you know this won't end well if you keep training or being in a part of wizardry guild. If you didn't tell them it doesn't mean they won't find out. I bet they already have a clue because they wouldn't have sent you to unknown city to work a double work. They're using you. They intend to make you work long hours so you couldn't practice and stay clean at the same time," Rufus said. I shook my head.
"No, it's not that. The mail deliver broke his leg and couldn't work anymore..." I tried to explain.
"Do you even know how his leg was broken, Neda?" Rufus asked. It was strange he actually called me by my first name. It was used to always be that nickname. So I was silent. "I did a little research yesterday about it when I heard the news. He was attacked by someone last week. Doesn't it seem suspicious to you?" he asked.
I still stayed quiet. Rufus wasn't lying. But I didn't want to believe his theory. My patents didn't think of how their employee got injured. Though on the other hand I didn't spend much time with my parents and all I got to read was that their employee barely was able to walk.
I shook my head again. They wouldn't do that. They wouldn't torture me like that, would they? I touched the knuckles of my left hand. Rufus was right. They could.
And he noticed how I touched my hand too. He took it and rose to my eye level. He carefully looked at it. It wasn't as colorful as before, but still had a few red dots which didn't catch an eye anymore. His fingers gently caressed the back of my hand. He looked at them like it was the most precious thing in the entire world. Finally I saw the Rufus I loved that much. The one making me feel like I was really special and cared. The one I wished to see again.
"They did this to you too?" he asked still caressing my hand. "What else did they do?"
"Nothing," I tried to back off, but just hit the wall again. I felt like a magnet was trying to push me closer, but I tried my best to resist it. "They didn't touch me since war with Alvarez. It was the first time they did."
"Why?" Rufus asked the reason.
"Umm..." I took a deep breath. "Because Gajeel followed my father. And because I'm hanging out in Fairy Tail," I couldn't look at Rufus anymore. He was so awfully right. After I joined Fairy Tail my relationship with parents got much worse. I didn't know what to expect anymore. But I didn't want to hear his complains of what I did and didn't do.
"Neda..." he started saying but I slid my hand away and cut him off.
"Stop it, Rufus. Just stop it, OK? I know that this ain't good, but I don't regret being in Fairy Tail for a one bit. They can torture me all they want, but Fairy Tail is my family too. And they'll fight if needed for me even with me parents. Unlike you," I said angrily, by body shaking.
"Do they know your full name?" Rufus asked.
"Yes and they don't care. They've lived through worse," I said.
"You know this would mean a rather diplomatic war and Fairy Tail isn't good at that. You'll fail and your family will take you back anyway. Listen, I didn't want to leave you either, but..." he put his palm on my cheek. "I want you to know I still love you. I just memorized you too well to forget everything. And there aren't any forces which could take that away from me," he bit his lip.
"No," I shook my head not even wanting to hear anything.
"I've met with your parents. Do you want to know what they did to me?" he asked and started to take off his upper part of clothes. I looked away blushing.
"Stop it," I asked him quietly, but with the corner of my eye a pert of me was forcing to watch his moves. And then he revealed it. A huge scar on his chest going down to his belly. A few more marks made by daggers and lots of other, smaller scratches. I gasped. I couldn't believe in what I saw. My hand slowly rose and touched the scars trying to make sure it was real. He shivered a little from my cold touch and a little pain they still made.
But he tried to act like it was all fine and showed at a few less seeable, "Don't count those. They're much older than that," he said. Though he had a really muscular body which was taking my breath I couldn't take that the person who made all of them was the one I knew. The one I lived with my whole life. I felt tears running down my cheeks. I red Rufus minds. I saw his memories. I saw how he was hunted down in his own house and ended up with magic sealing handcuffs making him unable to defend himself and chains not letting him move freely in order to fight at all. I saw my father talking to him and torturing him. He forced Rufus to leave me. I couldn't believe it. My parents... He got so actually meet them and they didn't accept him. They tortured Rufus because he loved me. Because I loved him back. Because I found happpines with someone they didn't accept. I can't believe they managed to actually scare Rufus away. I felt sick.
"But you're a wizard. One of the strongest in Sabertooth. You should have fought for me. But you gave up. You left me without even knowing what happened," I cried loudly. "I was waiting for you. I was worried and was crying for days. I tried to understand why you did this to me and why you vanished from my life. I thought you played with me. I thought all of this was a lie. I was even afraid to go to your guild and if Lucy hadn't forced me, I wouldn't even have come there two days ago. I didn't want to see your face anymore!"
Rufus put both palms on my cheeks and gently brushed the tears away. I saw his eyes were watery too, but he tried his best not to cry with me. It was painful for him to hear it too. And see me crying because of his fault. He put his forehead on mine and looked at my eyes.
"I know what I did was horrible. And I probably don't deserve your forgiveness, but I still love you and I want you to forgive me for what I did. I'm sorry I am too weak for your happiness, but I wish I could fix it," Rufus said and I saw him biting his lip. He had no idea how to make it up to me. There was no way to fix what he's done. You can't change the time and fix things so easily.
"No," my voice cracked. My whole body was shaking like crazy. "I really can't forgive you. I don't want to forgive you. I want you to let me be. Please, just leave. Like you did half a year ago," I almost begged. I didn't want him do that though. I wanted him to hold me forever and promise to never let go.
"I can't. I memorized you and I couldn't take you out of my memories ever since. Even when I was forced to leave you the feelings I had didn't go away. And now that you're here being more breathtaking than ever... That you chose a path of a wizard though it's forbidden for you... Did you do this for me?"
"No, I didn't do that to be close to you again. But in some way you really influenced that. I practiced magic back then when we were together, but it wasn't a real training. When you showed me that my heart needed freedom you gave me and then left me... I needed that. I started practicing on my own until Natsu found me and brought to the guild."
Rufus stepped back again. "I know you had magic in you all this time, but believed you never practiced that. You yourself said it was wrong for you!" Rufus said.
"Is that all you care?" I rose an eyebrow.
"It doesn't matter if you're a wizard or not. I don't care what your name is. It's not why I love you, but sometimes law is above the dreams. I can't let you be hurt because you followed your dreams. Because you become the way you are for what I did."
"Screw this!" I yelled back. "You can't order me around like I' m yours!"
"I don't order you. I want to protect you," Rufus shook his head.
"But you ran instead. You gave up. Is that how you call protection?"
"I already told you that I'm sorry I gave up. But I won't anymore. I promise. I'll do anything for you,."
"But then you ask me to quit the guild. Your words doesn't make sense," I hissed.
"Come to Sabertooth instead," Rufus suddenly asked. "Then I'll always be close. And I'll help you with your training if it's really what you want," he gently pushed me close to his chest. His hand slid through my hair. I put my head on his shoulder. I missed being so close to him.
"If you want me to fight, then I will, alright? Just let me be with you again. Forgive me," he asked once again. I really felt comfortable in his arms. His words were so calming and I wanted to believe in this. But this didn't heal my broken heart. I was still mad at him. I was even more angry with him than before.
"No!" I yelled and pushed myself away. "You're going to hurt me again! You're a liar! I don't believe a word you say! I hate you! I hate that you left me! I hate that you didn't fight for me! Your love isn't worth a thing! Your promises are just a trash if you don't accomplish those promises! And you didn't! You're just a piece of trash yourself!" I screamed at his face and ran away.
"But you still love me, don't you?" He asked at my back. I looked at him for a moment. "You didn't resist that kiss," he explained why he thought that.
But I looked away and ran as fast as I could. I didn't want to see him. Why did I have to see him again? Why he couldn't just let me move on? I wanted to forget him. I wanted to go my path and create my own future. Why everyone had to decide everything for me? Why can't I make decisions on my own? I wanted to fight myself. And I will. I will show everyone what I'm capable of once I learn magic and get stronger. I'll get stronger and I'll show him.
But his last words still were stuck in my head. I didn't resist his kiss. I couldn't push away those lips of his and instead I pulled them closer. I still wanted those kisses so badly even though he hurt me. It was hurting even to see him, but in the end my heart belonged to him. I still loved him. With all of my heart.
I fell on my knees, because I couldn't see anything anymore anyway. I couldn't push him away from the very beginning and those half a year didn't change anything. I loved him all this time and waited for him to return. I wanted him to be with me and hear his voice like my life depended on it. And when I sow him I felt I loved him even more. I could sacrifice everything for him, but he ran. He didn't ditch me, but what he did wasn't making me feel any better. I couldn't forgive for that. My brain wasn't allowing me to, but my heart entirely belonged to him.
"Neda-san? Are you alright?" Sting stood in front of me a bit confused. I glanced at him and saw his worried face. He had no clue of what was going on. He just heard my yells and came the way the they coming from. Gosh, I was so a hysteric.
I put on my hood, so Sting wouldn't see my red face. I was so embarrassed, but couldn't pull myself together.
"Hey, why are you crying? Did something happen to you?" Sting asked worriedly. He kneeled in front of me waiting patiently until I say something.
"Not really," I shook my head before sobbing. "Just a silly love," I bit my lip. It really was silly. He was silly. Because I actually fell for him so deeply I couldn't get out.
"Huh? Did someone break your heart?" Sting blinked in confusion. He definitely didn't expect me to say that. He wasn't very experienced at such things.
This made me cry even more. I had so much pain inside I held for half a year. The whole half I cried a lot, but held in me even more and tried my best to burry it all deeply in my soul I'd never get to feel it again. But it went back to me with a giant boost which was stronger than I could handle.
"You know, Fairy Tail enemies are our enemies. If you want, I can teach that guy of yours a lesson," Sting offered not wanting to see me like that any longer.
I shook my head. "You can't. You wouldn't hurt one of yours for a Fairy," I whispered.
"One of mine? You mean the person who did this is from Sabertooth?" the master of Sabertooth blinked of surprise. Than glared at the ground. I heard his thoughts
He was still going to find out who was responsible for this and give a piece of his mind. Or a kick, so he wouldn't even dare to make a girl cry.
But then someone wrapped their hands around me from behind. Through my tears I saw the white sleeves of Rufus' shirt. He caught me.
"Can you leave us alone, Sting?" Rufus asked. "It's personal."
"Let me go," I sobbed trying to unwrap him. But he was too strong for me, and I felt exhausted.
The blond master was confused for a moment. "Rufus!? That was you who made her cry? Don't you see you're hurting her? Let her calm down at least," Sting hissed wanting to protect me.
"I can handle her. But you won't want to be there," Rufus said back. And looked at me not waiting any longer. "I memorized where you ran," he whispered onto my ear. I felt his cheek brushing my hair.
"Can't you just leave me?" I whispered back I was out of strength. The tears kept running and I couldn't stop them. But I turned to him and looked back at his deep dark eyes. I loved them so much.
"I'm afraid I can't. You'll have to put more effort to push me away than this. You love me and this is all I need to stick here with you," Rufus said.
I grabbed his collar with my one hand and rose my fist. I wanted to punch him. If he wanted me to make him back off, I'll show him I wasn't under his spells. That all those sugary words didn't influence me. But what was I trying to prove? Nothing. That I tried to convince myself with another lie.
Rufus sat and looked at my eyes while I was glaring at him. He didn't care I was holding my fist in the air ready to hit and he was calm about it. He knew he deserved that and I could actually hit him. But he knew that I wasn't that strong and I wouldn't. No matter how much I despised him and his ridiculousness. No matter how much he hurt me. No matter what he did I loved him and couldn't do that after seeing him again after such long time.
I sighed. I really couldn't do that. Rufus knew me too well. He knew I was harmless against him and he didn't even need to do anything just be there. He actually wanted me to punch him though. He wanted me to punish him because he knew he hurt me and if that means he'll be able to get me back, he was ready to take it all.
I released my fist and put it on his cheek pushing his face closer. I kissed him with so much passion which was caused with all that waiting. I kissed him like it was the last one and at the same the I put not only the love I had towards him. There was my anger, and worry, and pain, and despair, and hate and so many other emotions I couldn't describe. I put everything into this and he took it giving me the same love I felt for him and guilt he carried along.
We were forced to break the kiss again when we both needed the air to breath. My hands were still in position - one on his cheek while another one holding his collar. His warm hands were still wrapped around my waist which made sparks go through my skin.
"Let's make it up, alright?" Rufus asked. "Give me a second chance."
"You know this will never be like before. If I love you it doesn't mean I forgive you or stop hating you," I said.
"If I memorized correctly, you said you hare me before. But yet you kissed me in front of Sting," Rufus said and glanced at the guild master who stood a few meters away frozen and red as Rufus's hat.
I turned red. I thought he really left when Rufus asked.
"I definitely shouldn't have seen that," he murmured.
I turned to Rufus and slapped him. "You're a jerk," I glared at him.
"Guilty," he didn't even react at it and apologized though this one wasn't his fault. It was my recklessness. But he still took the fault on his hands. He just didn't want me to be angry anymore.
So there he was. The same Rufus I always loved. He came back to me as I was hoping him to all that time. And he still loved me. And called beautiful. He accepted me and my childishness. I guess, I haven't changed much either. I fell for him again once I saw him and probably would fall again every time seeing his dark eyes showing off from that bright red mask of his.
I hope you liked this chapter. Leave a review!
Also, since it was never said how the town where Sabertooth is located is called, I won't give it a name either. Plus, from the episode 'Welcome Home, Frosch' we got a clue that this town isn't far from Magnolia, therefore I can easily bring up members of Sabertooth into the plot of the story.
And, if anyone is interested, Lx24 'zerkala' or 'a on tebya celuet' cover version fits here ;)