Diary Logs.

-A slight warning for sensitive topics in this chapter-

September 21st -

What do I do...?

As I stare at my brother's bed, so empty, feeling so cold to the touch whenever I approach it. I don't think I'll ever get over this pain that I feel deep within me. I looked over to the clock on the end table next to my brother's bed, seeing that it's 6 while the sun is slowly rising.

... I forgot to tell my great-uncles about what happened yesterday, about this event. ... I don't know if I can do it. I break down whenever I try to think about it or even mention it. I'm sure they'll understand.

I rose up from my bed and over to the dresser to get changed. Now that he's gone, I don't need to go to the bathroom... but I still have this urge to do so, almost as if Dipper is still here. I clutched my hand into my chest, tightening it into a fist. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks as I knew it, I was in another painful crying fit.

I... I wanted things, the family issues, everything to be fixed. I wanted everything to be okay, not make it any worse than it already is! I... I... I can't- I can't give up now. Not now, not ever. It will make him sad, even worsen the mood. Making him think it's his fault for everything. It's not, it's never his fault. I swear... I wish I knew about his problems beforehand.

I opened the drawer, getting some fresh clothes before heading out and over to the bathroom downstairs. I changed and cleaned up within the room before heading back up the stairs and into the flat to grab my backpack. I pulled out a cloth and wiped my face off, making sure the tears were gone. Pacifica gave me this a few days ago. I will thank her for this once I get to school.

I turned and headed downstairs to eat breakfast. Once I was finished, I approached the living room to see Grunkle Ford standing in a frozen state. He seemed to be upset. ``Grunkle Ford?`` I said, which he snapped out of his mood and gazed over to me. ``Are you ready?`` He asked, his voice cracking with hints of sobs. I nodded my head. We then walk to the car and drove off to my school.

I have to tell him. I can't keep it a secret any longer. I don't know why I'm keeping it a secret anyway! ``Grunkle Ford.`` I begin, turning to him as I notice he gave me the expression that he was listening. ``... Dipper said something yesterday when you guys left with the nurse.``

``He did...? I thought he was asleep.`` He said. ``Sometimes, I wish those types of kids didn't exist.``

``He mentioned there were no kids at all.`` I said as I felt tears streaming down my face once more. I swear, I'm going to be like this forever.

``What do you mean...?`` He said as he pulled up to the parking lot within the school's zone. ``That is what the school said, what do you mean... Mabel?`` He turned to face me with a confused expression.

``You always ask the victim if you want to know the truth. He said there were no kids there...`` I said, repeating the last line. ``... He...`` I managed to choke out before forcing myself to finish this painful sentence. ``... He... attempted suicide in the school's bathroom.`` I covered my face quickly, sobbing into my hands. The car then had this unsettling feeling, an eerie one mixed with a depressing atmosphere. I slowly lifted up my head, wiping my tears away, only to face my great-uncle with the same tears I was having.

``... no... I-... Have-`` I heard Grunkle Ford begin to say. He was stuttering like a glitched machine. I know Dipper means so much to him, and hearing these words hurt him like a train hitting him or maybe a plane in this case. I slowly place a hand on his shoulder, before rubbing back and forth. I really wish we knew the signs of his issues.

September 22nd -

I walked silently in the school's hallways, heading towards 3rd period. Grunkle Ford must have told Grunkle Stan what I told him yesterday. It would make sense of his behavior this morning. He was acting so silent like a bus hit him or something. I think.. the news hit us all like a train together. Do I gather up the courage to tell my friends...? I don't think I can say to another soul. It hurts my heart whenever I saw those words. Why can't they just read my mind as Kahlil does it? It would make it so much easier, but... thinking of it also hurts me. Everything about it hurts me.

I shook my head and walked into the classroom, heading over to my seat to find an alerted Kahlil. He was watching me when I didn't have Dipper with me. I avoided meeting him with my gaze. I know he wants to know what happened, but I can't. I set my backpack down, ``... After stealing my bathroom pass, he doesn't show up to class. I swear, your brother is a mess, Ms. Pines.`` I turned to glare at the teacher. ``Wouldn't it be best if I say he didn't show up to school yesterday, either?`` I said, holding my anger in. This sudden annoyance rose up in me, trying to get me to assume the worse. They don't know, all of them don't know, don't say anything terrible, Mabel.

``... He didn't...? Wait... was he the kid who got injured in the bathroom by those kids...?`` She asked, looking worried at me. A fake memory flashes in my head, reminding me that my brother used some sharp blades to try and end his life. I stared down at the void once more, frozen to the touch. I couldn't even hear anything or anyone. I wish I could because I don't know how to escape this abyss that has me trapped down here. Please... anyone...

I snapped back to my senses once someone was shaking my arm. I blinked and looked back up at my teacher, who had a more worried look than before. ``Are you alright, Ms. Pines? Do you need to step out?`` She asked.

``N-no, I don't. Just... something came in mind... and yes... He was the one who got... injured.`` I quickly said, hurrying to sit down in my seat. The class, by now, has already started, but everything, everyone was so quiet. I widened my eyes in fear, thinking that the dark abyss returned to haunt me. I hope this period ends soon.

And so it did, and I wanted to escape the block, everything within. But of course, I was halted by the teacher when I was heading out. She asked me over and over to see if I was not alright. I kept saying I was okay. I manage to escape her presence and leave the classroom before getting halted by an invisible force. I turn my head over to Kahlil, who was approaching me with a worried expression. ``... Something terrible happened...`` He said.

``Don't make me say it.`` I snapped.

``Watch it!`` He said, moving inches away from me. I blinked and frowned before turning away and stared off to the side. ``I apologize; it pains me, to tell the truth.``

``The truth...? Are you telling me the kids, those troubled kids weren't the case?`` He asked. I slowly look back at him.

``What do you think? What would a depressed person do if their life was at the end of the tracks, at the edge of a cliff, would they take the leap or stay and try to survive?`` I asked, babbling once more. Please get it, Kahlil. He seemed to be uncomfortable at the question, slowly turning away and walking off. I decided to walk beside him as I believe he got the answer out by guessing what happened. We walk in silence, and even so into the lunchroom. We got our lunch and headed over to the hang out table where Cole appeared today. That's... good.

I sat down as I look up to Alex, who was giving me worried looks. ``..Don't tell me... please don't tell me it was Mason.`` She said, beginning to tear up. Cole looked shocked as ever.

``Well. It's different. The story is a white lie, even if the school doesn't know what really happened.`` I begin. ``But... he still got injured either way. So... uh..`` I trailed off, staring down at the table. I gulped and closed my eyes. I breathe in and out before opening my eyes, ``... he... went and took the leap.`` I randomly said, although it wasn't a random line since I was referring to the question I asked Kahlil about earlier.

``... Took the leap...?`` Alex asked, confused. I looked over to Kahlil, who's back was facing us. I grunted in annoyance and turned around to them. ``... He tried to take his life away.`` I said. The table then grew quiet, into this eerie and depressing atmosphere that I once felt in the car with Grunkle Ford. I shrink a bit before jerking up to their voices. ``...How... how did it happen?`` Cole asked.

``I have no idea, Cole; I don't know my brother's brain at all.`` I said, staring down at the table. Hold those tears back, I don't need to be a sob at the moment, even when someone is literally disrespecting over there.

``... That's... that's terrible news... horrible... actually.`` I heard Alex say, having problems speaking her words. ``... I-I... I don't know what to say.``

``I don't either, and I wish I knew it sooner.`` I said, sobs slipping through. I sniffed and wiped those invisible tears away. ``Well, uh... before I go into another crying fit, where were you, Cole?`` I asked, turning to him. The shy kid stared at me with a surprised expression. I know he doesn't like to speak, but he's been gone over a week, and I would like to know where he has been this entire time.

``... I... I have just been studying.`` He said quickly, blinking at me with a nervous smile.

``...Why didn't you tell us before?`` I asked.

``Yeah... now I think about it.`` Alex said before turning over to Cole. He looked at both of us before looking even more nervous than before. ``I-I forgot, I got so rushed up in the... studies that I forgot to tell you guys about it. I apologize.`` He said.

``...Why are you lying?`` I jerked over to Kahlil, who finally faced us. He was annoyed at Cole, which I felt confused. He seemed stressed. What do you mean he's lying?

``I-I'm not! I'm telling the truth! I swear, it was my studies that got me caught up in this mess!`` Cole said, getting panicked at the seams.

``Kahlil, don't go and assuming things. Cole isn't lying, I know the friend he is, and frankly you don't.`` Alex said, glaring him down. I turned to him as he eases his annoyance and turned away. ``Aren't you going to apologize for assuming?``

``I'll apologize when I want to.`` He responded coldly, which sent shivers down my spine. Jeez, forgetting that he has the power to send the shivers down anyone's spine. And I wasn't the only one who received them. Alex shivered and gave up on pushing him. That all it takes? ... I mean, Cole is sweet and kind, why would he lie? ``Well, this week is going to be hell.`` I said out loud.

``Oh right... it is... especially hearing what happened. I can't believe Mason would do that. Why would he want to throw his life away?`` Alex said frowning.

``I don't know, but... I think... I see the problem, though, if I could piece it together.`` I said.

``What are the pieces?`` Cole asked, looking to be calm once more with no signs of interest. I grunted.

``Family issue, and... bullying.`` I said. ``Wowie, it definitely runs in the family.``

``Yea... I feel sorry for him. Getting bullied is the worse. What could we do to make it up to him?`` Alex asked.

``Maybe cheer him up when he gets back? I'm sure he will like that.`` Cole said, smiling.

``Yeah.`` Alex chirped. I heard something to my left as I turned my head over to see Kahlil getting up and leaving us at the table, which left us in confusion. I quickly look back at them, ``I'll be right back.`` They nodded as I got up and followed behind. I quickly pick up the pace and stop right in front of him.

``Get out of the way, Mabel.`` His voice was harsh as well at the same time, I felt another shiver go down my spine.

``I'm not. What's wrong?`` I asked, putting my hands on my hips.

``None of your business!`` He hissed. We were outside of the lunchroom, by the way.

``It is my business! Your safety and behavior are important to me. I don't want to see my friends acting all different from how they usually appear. Which worries me like thousand of trains hitting me all at once. Please, don't do this.`` I said, frowning up at him. I don't want to suffer alone.

``You don't know what suffering feels like.`` He said, looking away from me.

``I do now, and I hate it. I just...`` I trailed off before going off on him. ``I just told you that my brother almost took his life away, and you say I don't know what suffering feels like?! I've been bullied before and knows what those hurtful times were. Why would you say something so f-cking stupid, yet so less serious about the whole thing?! Would I believe you don't care? Indeed you do, I'm sure you do. I just don't want to assume the worse at all.`` I was sobbing at the end as tears were pouring out of my eyes. ``I don't need this, Kahlil, and I'm sure you know that already.`` I sobbed.

The eerie atmosphere came back again, and I was hugging myself to death. The void was calling, and I didn't know if I was here in reality or not. I just screamed myself into another crying fit, didn't I? I shut my eyes and hoped that I would open them to be back in the hallway once more. I shook my head and opened them, blinking them constantly, trying to push myself through the void that was appearing just now. I blinked, and there I was once, staring at nothing in front of me. I looked around the hallway, noticing that Kahlil left during my little moment. Why... you stupid mother trucker. You really don't care at all. I turned away and headed back into the lunchroom.

September 24th-

I forgot to write about what happened yesterday. I was too mad at Kahlil at the time. Jeez, I'm still angry at that idiot for leaving the table and me in the hallway. What a coward. What was he thinking anyway? First, he didn't answer my question, which I assumed he got it already, so... he did kind of? I don't know. Maybe he didn't want to talk about it at the time? I shook my head. No. I must know, maybe talking to someone about this might help. But damn, it's stressing my brain to the point, I may as well pass out and sleep hundred years.

I tapped my pencil against the notebook. I looked over at my mini mirror and grabbed it before looking at myself. I'm a mess, always have been, always will be.

I just hope... just hope at the bottom of my heart that... things will be okay at the end of this week.

September 25th-

Here am I, walking down the dirt path on my own because my great-uncles want me out of the house. I don't blame them. I would have sat in there all day, stressing my brain even more than yesterday. We don't need a broken down Mabel. I won't let myself be that way though, never. Those voices can throw themselves out the window because they don't bring me down. I smiled brightly and walked proudly. I wonder why I have so much energy after sleeping 4 hours last night... it's maybe I put too much sugar in that coffee... yeah.

I soon arrived at a park, entering in to enjoy nature's breeze. At least it's cooling my mind off. I jerked my head over to a voice in the distance, noticing two figures rushing over to me. I halted on the sidewalk and waited for them. ``I thought I saw someone familiar.`` I heard one of them speak before I recognize the person. ``Hey, Wendy!``

``Hey, Mabel! How are you doing?`` The red-haired girl asked.

``Harsh. Horrible so far.`` I said, noticing the emo looking dude right beside her, crossing his arms in disgusted.

``What happened?`` She asked.

``Well. My brother is in the hospital, and I've been treating it like it's the end of the world. My brain can't function properly, and I'm mad at someone.`` I said, shaking the thought away. Her face grew white as she frowned. She looked sorry while her... friend... looked more aggressive than ever. ``Hurry up, Wendy, we don't have all day.`` He finally spoke.

``You know what, you can go ahead, Robbie. I'll be there after I'm done talking with Mabel.`` Wendy said to him, turning her head back to me.

``Fine.`` Robbie said before turning away and storming off.

``Who's that?`` I asked.

``My boyfriend... soon to be ex in a minute if he keeps being impatient. Enough about me, Dipper is in the hospital?!`` Wendy said, widening her eyes.

``Yes... unfortunately...`` I said before telling her the next set of news. Her face became more of a ghost rather than any non-living being. I frowned and looked down at the ground.

``Not... another one.`` She mumbled, which caught my attention. I looked up at her and tilted my head.

``Nevermind that. I can't... believe that. The dude... he seemed so happy... what... went wrong..?`` She asked although I think she asked herself. ``I don't like where this world is heading in.``

``Me either, and I need to ask you for a favor or advice.`` I said, hugging myself nervously.

``You definitely will need my advice for this.`` Wendy said, pulling me over to a bench to sit down. Good idea, I should sit down while I hug myself. I sat down as she did, as well. ``Yes, I know I will. But I need to ask you something else.`` I said.

``Like what? Is it about the person your mad at?`` She asked.

``Yes. I need some help.`` I said before turning my body towards her. ``First off, the person I'm mad at is Kahlil. He straight up walks off the other day in school after I asked him what was wrong, and he's literally just saying that it wasn't my business, which was. But that leads me into another crying moment, which I wished never happened because, by the time I came back from the void, he was gone. He just straight up walked away, and I'm mad at him for that!``

``...Kahlil can be complicated and complex with his feelings... he seems to hide them instead to tell. Did you say anything to him?`` She asked.

``...Well, I told him the same news I gave to you since he wanted to know what happened to Dipper.`` I said. She widened her eyes as I looked confused. Was that the wrong move?! Was I not supposed to tell him that Dipper did such a thing to himself?!

``... That's why... I think it's best to give him time and see him the next day, don't mention anything to him about it and just drop it.`` Wendy said.

``... Alright.`` I said, nodding. She's right, I should drop it. He's probably feeling the same pain as I am feeling. And now, I feel sorry that I snapped at him. ``Should I apologize to him? I want to since I did such a thing.``

``You can, I think it will make him feel better.`` She said, smiling faintly. I nodded as we sat in the silence before the ginger girl spoke up again.

``Now. I want to give you some advice on how to handle this situation. So you know what to do, although we, even our friends, will be there right beside him if he needs anyone to vent to.`` Wendy said.

``Yeah... so what is the advice?`` I asked.

September 27th-

Yesterday was a blast! And of course, I forgot to write about it in my dairy... I need to remind myself to do so. But enough that. Yesterday was the most incredible day of my life! Pacifica called me up and said that she wanted to hang out, which was sweet of her. During these times, I needed it. So I agreed, and we went out. It turns out there was a surprise waiting for me. Wendy was the one who set this up, inviting all of our friends who were good willed and ready to cheer me up from the dark abyss that keeps haunting me recently. I was so happy, so happy that I couldn't stop hugging everyone. I chuckled to myself as I stretch out my limbs. I did apologize to Kahlil there and literally didn't let him go. Somebody had to pull me off for him to get freed. I think he's afraid of me now. I let out a laugh as I looked down at the notebook. I'm glad we made up.

Anyways, September 27th- oh, I wrote that already... whoops.

Me and my great-uncles are heading out to visit my brother in the hospital. And with their help, I brought gifts that were made from our friends. I smiled with pride as I was the one with the idea to give them all to him. We exited the car and entered the building. We then told them we were here to visit as we were led down the hallway to my brother's quarters. I was smiling to no ends, excited to give him these gifts.

We soon arrived as we entered quietly and greeted Dipper. He was watching stuff outside of the window with a dull expression. I frowned, but soon it disappeared when my confidence reappeared. We told him all kinds of things that happened in the past days. He didn't seem to cheer up from it, which sort of made me sad. So I step in and put his gifts on the end table, telling him that they were all from our friends. He blankly stared at me before turning away. I frowned and turned to my great-uncles. We stayed for a bit before we had to leave.

I swear it, I'll make him smile again one day.

September 28th-

On this very day, I visited my brother with Pacifica. She wanted to go see him since she was upset to hear the news. She also got depressed when seeing him in the bandages. I told her I wanted to cheer him up, and she wanted to help. So we did our best to tell him funny stories to brighten his day up. We ended up failing successfully... he didn't laugh but rather smile faintly before it disappears. So we're getting somewhere! But... what pains me the most is that he hasn't spoken yet, not even on September 27th or the day after he told me the truth about this event... he's really broken.

September 29th. I revisited him, but this time with Lee, he really wanted to see if his friend was okay. I dwell on his caring for that. Luckily, we had a funny story to tell him what happened today in school, one from each of us. He did smile to both as I smiled back, knowing that I was indeed getting somewhere. Although I'm not quite sure if everything will go back to normal.

September 30th. Today my great-uncles are visiting him this time. The reason why I'm not going to which I should be going! But I couldn't miss this opportunity. Someone asked me out. Which is no stranger I've ever seen, infact it was my crush who asked me out. I had to say yes and go out with him! There was no choice of that! I was so excited on that day. He took me to a festival that happens to be in town, a music festival to be specific. We had a good time there, and we soon headed over to a diner to finish our date there. It was so lovely and romantic. I even got a kiss on the lips, and it was just amazing dreams pouring down on me. This week has been the most fantastic ever!

October 1st.

It was a good idea to dot down all of these feelings and events in this notebook. It was beneficial since I don't want to lose or forget what was happening. That day I went to visit my brother for a short time. I didn't tell him about the date because I didn't want him to feel bad for himself. So I just asked about his time there and said mines back home. I then left and went to spend time with my new boyfriend. I wonder. How am I going to explain this to Dipper, and to everyone else? Eh, I can. They'll be so jealous!

October 2nd. The last day until Dipper comes home from the hospital. We got the shared room all cleaned up and ready to go. We also made sure we noted some things down for what we want for the whole shack. Grunkle Stan had to reschedule his gift shop business for a few days since he wanted to spend time with Dipper. That's good! I asked all of my friends to not greet him on the first day since I want to take things slow, same with his friends. I want to make this day memorable for him.

I stared down at the pencil in my hand.

I hope... nothing bad will ever happen. Nothing can get worse from here, right?

End of Chapter 27