Chapter Thirteen: "Explanations, Confusion and a Filler Episode"

Sakura: "Oh great! Fantastico~! Lucky number 13! You know what this means….HALLOWEEN PARTY! Every deadly mission deserves a hangover — I mean, celebration, kyuu~"
—On Getting Out of a Hot Mess "Holy crap, how do I explain time travel? Well it wasn't, but no one would believe I was dead. Boruto did time travel, but this ain't Boruto! AGH. Wait, how come my real world didn't invent time travel yet if some kid with a 'I hate you Dad' syndrome gets to visit his dad in the past?"

System: Because time travel shouldn't be allowed. Boruto doesn't exist yet. Stop breaking the 4th wall!

Sakura: Shouldn't you not exist, talking plot bug?

System: Whose the bug?! You're a bug! Your whole family's a bug!

Sakura: Tell me something I don't know? You suck at insults. Learn from Sasuke — No, don't. He couldn't even talk back to his brother without resorting to fists. Dude needs to live in New York.

System: Stop breaking the 4th wall! New York doesn't exist here!

Sasuke: Hey, Forehead! I am a very cruel and vindictive when I want to be! Itachi just…He's different!

Naruto: Actually Sakura-chan's right. You only call me bastard or idiot. But what about *CENSORED STRING OF SAILOR SWEARING*?

Sakura, Sasuke, System: *Image of innocent Naruto collapses* Oh wow.

Sakura: Where did you hang out again, Naruto-kun? And why did you censor us, System! We already swear!

System: Shut up fourteen year old! Get back to the story!

Kakashi busy reading Icha Icha in his dressing room: *Sneeze!* I feel like I have to go back to work now. I enjoyed being off-screen. *Sakura breaks down dressing room door and shoves script in face*

Sakura: One day, I'll turn this into a Twilight movie between you and me~ *Wink*

Kakashi: Oh god. What a terrible pick up line. No, what terrible imagery! Don't make me act like an obnoxious vampire. I'm not Sasuke.

Sasuke: HEY! Why is everyone picking on me?! You're all supposed to fear me!

Sakura and Naruto: *Stifles Laugh* *Runs from angry Sasuke* *Kakashi is abandoned again…Pulls out Icha Icha* "The only good thing in the world…"

…

…

Later on that night, the three hung out at Sasuke's house turned evil lair. Kakashi stopped by for a chat and mini-celebration, but was busy with the Hokage after so he could only say congrats before being hustled off. The news of Orochimaru attacking his students and leaving them alive must be alarming so he went to get more information while giving his students a needed break.

And thus, that was how Sakura found herself cornered in the house, being confronted by her protective teammates while the Sensei was off running around the village.

Sakura said, "Hey guys, we got a week to prepare for the competition! Shouldn't we focus on that?" Things got screwed up because of Orochimaru's visit so they gave them a little break before the show had to go on.

Sasuke ignored her as he said, "Stop evading the questions! You know a lot more than you're leading on."

"Doesn't everyone?" She whistled.

Naruto said, "Yeah, but you're like worse. That snake guy knew your supposed bad ass grandma and you're acting shady. You have to tell us how you got stronger! It's only fair cause we are a team! Or…are we not friends?" Naruto's eyes watered as he pretended to be aggrieved and Sakura saw through the act. The boy even sniffled as he pouted like a little blonde prince crying in some romance manhwa. She couldn't help but wonder who taught him to act so shameless?

Suddenly, Sakura thought of a way out of this conversation. So they wanted to know how she got to learn all these things so fast and become strong enough to get a sannin drooling? Well, that was perfect! It coincided with her plans. With a drawl, she said, "Aaactually, I was about to come tell you guys I will teach you everything -" (Mostly) "— I know. We will be the strongest Konoha has ever seen!" She fist-pumped in the air dramatically for effect.

The boys frowned as they tried to see what she was trying to pull, as they didn't believe she was innocently going to just act cooperatively, but before they could guess at her intentions, Sakura quickly added, "Orochimaru is a formidable opponent, bu there's no way he came just for me. He didn't even know I exist before he came here! Maybe he came for the Uchiha here, but that panda-cutie seemed to recognize him."

"Panda?" Naruto asked.

"Oh, the red-head with black eye liner and the power to build smothering sand castles. Gaara I think his name was."

"Ah! The scary kid! That's one way to describe him!" Naruto laughed heartily as he clutched his stomach. He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "That guy is suuuuper scary, but now he just seems…AHAHAHA! Panda!"

Even Sasuke had to stifle a laugh before he glared, "How do you know his name?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Because I remember names? Sometimes it takes me a while because I can't care, but there ya go. It's not like there were hundreds of students for the exams. Aren't you shinobi? Don't you memorize the names of your rivals or are jutsus the only important things?" She bragged while she picked on them a bit for stopping her from eyeing the hot ninja lately. Well, she guessed she should stop doing that, but hey! A few of those guys were caught looking at the baths earlier so it was fair game! Anwayyyy, this was nothing compared to schmoozing the executives with her memory back in her past life.

Sasuke just ignored her weak taunts and nodded, "True." The prodigy didn't question it. Itachi used to have an abnormal memory as well — He shook his head. He almost could remember when his brother was good. Forcing himself to forget that kind face, he focused back on the present and continued the so-called Interrogation of Sakura. "So? What else are you hiding? You not only lose your memories, suddenly became an inventive seal genius and changed personalities, but now your grandmother is wanted by a legendary sannin who wants to take over your body. I thought your parents were normal." He smirked at her like he got the upper hand. "Sounds fishy, Sa-ku-ra."

"They were normal." Probably. "Just…I guess my grandmother must have had some wild past, huh? Men searching for her everywhere, wow! I want to be just like her when I'm old!" Sakura laughed it off and switched subjects. No way could she explain that the old sannin was trained by her look-alike grandmother that was really modern-day her that hopped worlds. Unless something crazy happens like the Akatsuki chatting with her boys about her, she would milk this grandma lie to the end! Besides, if the two really checked her background, they probably would find out that her grandmother was really a normal civilian or something. Ugh. Headaches. "In any case, we have to make sure Orochimaru's plans don't go through. If I were a sannin who dropped by in town secretly during a big competition while probably secretly working with one of the villages here…it's an invasion, isn't it?" Sakura concluded. She already knew, but she pretended to logic it out. It wasn't her best work, but she was getting lazy to keep explaining impossible circumstances.

"No way. The Hokage would have figured it out."

"Yeah, but he didn't know about the way Gaara Panda wasn't chased down by the pair of powerful perverts. Plus we don't have proof so they can't do much but be on guard. He could up security, but there are so many competitors here and only so much shinobi. We need a plan to fuck shit up — I mean, to help protect our home."

"…" The boys looked at her suspiciously. "You just want to try something evil again, huh."

Sasuke added with a disappointed sigh, "What's the business opportunity here?"

"Evil?! And I'm not doing this for sales! I just thought of showing off the power of my seals that could even fight off an invasion just a bit while helping the good citizens of Konoha. Just…a little hand…and using back up…who knew how to fight…" Sakura's voice started to slow down as the vague idea soon morphed into a terrible idea that was too good not to try! With gleeful eyes, she grabbed Naruto's hand and leaned in close until their noses touched. "Naruto-kuuun?"

Naruto gulped. "Y-Yes?!" His face flushed red as he tried to keep his cool image. Sakura was so close!

"You have massive amounts of chakra and you do love your clones. I have a proposition for you~" She smiled like an incubus as her lips pulled back to show the pearl of her teeth. Naruto's heart beat harder. She whispered like a little devil, "All you have to do is lend me your special jutsu for clones to —"

For some reason the poor blonde boy abruptly pulled his hands away and covered his chest. With teary eyes, the shinobi cried out, "No! You mustn't Sakura-chan! I can't lend you my sexy no jutsu! You must protect your body!"

A cold wind seemed to pass by as Sakura's jaw dropped. What was this boy on about?!

Sasuke grabbed her wrist with a glare. "The idiot's right! You can't! Even if you have weird taste in men and act insane, you can't run around the village as a naked, busty woman with a bunch of clones! Even if it can distract the enemy, there has to be a better way! Protect your body!"

Like scandalized fathers, the two boys started lecturing her on "preservering self-esteem as a kunoichi" and "public nudity is still a crime" and "even if your chest is flat, you can't make it bigger permanently this way." The last one came from Naruto, of course.

Sakura roared out angrily as her temper let loose. "GRAHHH! SHUT UP YOU PERVS!" She smacked the two behind the head hard as she scolded, "I'm not about to go stripping in public! Jeez! I'm a minor and not THAT desperate!" She wasn't THAT bad, okay!

The two ignored the pain from her hits and only sighed in relief. Naruto hugged her happily, "Oh thank kami! Yes, grow up properly!"

"Stop acting like my father! You're my age!" Sakura huffed but seeing the funny sight of the two teenage shinobi frowning at her with fatherly concern put a smile back on her face in an instant. Especially with Sasuke's face — he rarely showed much emotion beyond anger and scorn. Hehe. She could only shake her head in resignation as she clarified her idea, "Naruto, I need your clones not your sexy no jutsu. For god's sake! I need your army of clones, perv."

Naruto's eyes widened in relief as he hit his fist against his palm in realization. "OHHHH!" A blush burned his face pure red as the misunderstanding cleared.

Sakura arched a brow as she placed her hands on her hips. "You spend way too much time near Kakashi-Sensei if Icha Icha got your mind in the gutter that much. Although your idea of stopping an invasion does sound fun, I won't offer free fan service." The imagery of naked Sakuras with huge boobs made a funny sight and Sakura giggled. What the heck did these boys think she had for hobbies?!

"Sasuke made the mistake too…" Naruto mumbled like a little brother trying to get his bro in trouble with him as he stared hard at the floor in embarrassment. "Sorry, Sakura. I got worried." He moped, but then quickly popped his head up and asked, "Wait. How do my clones help you again? I don't have that much clones. If I do them during the invasion, I can only summon enough to land hits, but the enemy is stronger than me so I would be useless against so many enemies. If you need me to ambush somebody, it's different." Naruto was slowly learning to evaluate his weaknesses, but one day even his weaknesses wouldn't hold him back!

"You are not useless!" Sakura rolled her eyes while Sasuke pretended he did nothing wrong. She pretended not to notice the red tips of his ears as she pulled out a blank scroll. With a greedy smile, she chirped, "Why, with a bundle sale and a lot of scroll shopping, you could have enough to act as my personal army, Naruto-kun! Sasuke, tab's on you since this is for the good of the village."

"You want me to do charity? And there's a problem. Even if you hide clones of Naruto in there, it wouldn't be enough to send out a ton of genin against enemies —"

"Don't worry! I'm going to give each one a bomb!" Sakura did the peace sign as she just admitted to producing mass weaponry. "Got a new formula that should be easy to make and easy to use, hehe! Don't worry, they are not normal bombs. They just explode out metal nets. Perfect for capture."

"First, explode out isn't a verb. Second, this sounds expensive and we don't have metal nets."

"I made some deals with some businesses. Ten Ten can help me quickly design metal nets as a weaponry master — don't ask me how we got this close. I get Neji — I mean her cooperation and she gets business. The perks of partnerships include consultation~" Sakura continued to tease the boys and caught his hands once more and said, "As for making the bombs, aren't you curious about how I got hundreds of swords? I swear. Shinobi focus too much on jutsus and training in this era, but not on the creative minds of civilians. We have quite a few talents and their business is my business!" Ever since she landed in this era, she was secretly meeting up with businesses and keeping an eye out for talents. While she hardly recalled history and politics back in her era, she did look at inspiring historical figures when it came to business and tech. Somehow later in this era, this cozy village would become stocked with video games and awesome tech that was close to her standards and something about Boruto funding more research. She ignored Boruto's money and focused on the genius creators who made it happen in the first place.

She couldn't see BTSSS or use voice-activated jutsus to do her hard work anymore, but metal nets and video games will have to do. No matter what, she had to collect the talents of the village and become more famous than her old evil bosses! Move over, Sakura Seals will be a conglomerate!

System: [Focus on the main plot, Host! Stop with the business-building!]

Hey! I am just researching better methods to better serve my lord Hokage.

[Shameless! You can't use your modern knowledge to get talents. This is an unfair advantage.]

It's only good business to take advantage where I can, as the saying goes. Besides, what are you going to do? Kill me? I'm still going along with the plot, just richer that's all. I'm the eternal soul stuck doing your dirty work, so unless you want our partnership to be more of a pain, play along. Just think of it as humoring a stupid human host~ Sakura thought, but her cold threat chilled the System as it still remembered her alter ego.

[Tch. F-Fine! It's only because you are pitiful that I'm turning a blind eye! This world is a mess anyway. I'm not scared! Hmph!]

Satisfied to get the upper hand as she slowly tamed her cute little System who stole her soul, she focused back on her cute family. She said, "Now, the offer! Please make me an army of clones over the next week and I'll store them away — it will take me all week to store them, but it should work out. Each day, just send me what you can and I'll keep them perfectly preserved like little jams of destruction in my scrolls. Meanwhile, Mr. Dark and Mysterious can help me with investments to help pay for the supplies. I'll create scrolls full of your good-lucking self, Naruto and if the day of invasion comes during the exams as predicted…I'll have another scroll with my bombs and all of your babies will get a bomb as a birthday present!"

The boys shook their heads at her crazy idea, but then the idea started to grow on them. With horror, they found themselves liking the idea and wondered how the hell Sakura messed with their minds. This was crazy! They were agreeing to essentially creating a secret army. If the Hokage ever found out, it'd be like they were the ones planning an invasion, not Orochimaru!

Sakura watched their faces morph from skeptism to horror to sheer bewilderment with a crooked smile. Ahh~ Sweet corruption~ So she made the final push to close the deal as she grabbed Sasuke's shoulder, "Sasuke. You invest in this project and not only will you be helping to protect Konoha, but this will bring more attention to Sakura's Seals as a business. The better my business, the more resources I have to researching and creating the weapons of mass destruction you seek. You invest in me, I'll make you stronger than you can ever imagine." This time she leaned closer to Sasuke as she whispered with temptation, "Shall we join hands, partner?"

Sakura's bright emerald eyes sucked in Sasuke's dark ones as the promise of power and a future they both couldn't fully imagine manifested as flames within those vibrant green orbs. He didn't know how, but the pink kunoichi was slowly getting under his skin. Since when did Sakura's eyes look so bright? With a soft voice, he found himself saying, "…Yes. Partner."

And so, the two boys made a deal with the little devil and only one thought passed through their minds: No matter what, they must not let Sakura join forces with Orochimaru. Or who knew what havoc the shinobi nations would face.

To be continued…

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BONUS SCENE FILLER EPISODE AS PROMISED:

It was just another day after training…The sun was beginning to set and the team ended up staying over at Sasuke's house.

Kakashi yawned as Sakura carried in groceries to the table. Sasuke peeked in the bags for tomatoes while Naruto jumped up and down excitedly.

Naruto said, "Sakura! Did you get me ramen?" His happy whisker face looked like a little fox begging to get his head patted.

Sakura rolled her eyes, "Yes, Naruto. Three flavors — spicy shrimp, miso and limited edition beef and garlic." She tossed out three cups in quick succession.

Sasuke asked, "Where's my tomatoes?" He glared like a little kitten. "You better not forget like last time."

Sakura giggled, "It's right here." Last time, he made fun of her drawing, so she purposefully forgot them. But when the stoic Uchiha became like a sad kitten, she felt guilty ever since. "I got you extra." She threw out a bag of tomatoes that were hidden underneath her bento sets. "I swear you two, you also have bentoes like Kakashi and I. You must really love ramen and tomatoes."

Sasuke retorted, "Tomatoes are a fruit. They are a perfect snack compared to Naruto's salty ramen. No wonder his cheeks are a bit chubby."

Naruto snarled. "Don't be jealous that I'm cute! I'm manly cute! And ramen is the best food in the world!"

Sakura said, "Yes, yes, you two. Both are fantastic choices, but don't forget to eat your bentos. Especially you Naruto — you can't eat only ramen. I stocked up your house so you better be cooking!" Like an elder sister, she lectured them and the two moaned in annoyance.

"Hn. Of course so shut up already, Sakura. You always nag."
"Ughhh, but I love ramen, Sakura-chan! Ok, ok! I'll eat my vegetables!"

Kakashi watched the adorable scene of his students and smiled beneath his mask. So he teased to join in. "Sakura, don't I get a snack, too? I'm so lonely." Ever since Sakura surprised him with her plans, he grew used to her Jiraiya-like ways.

Sakura eyed the sinfully handsome Sensei of hers and smirked. "Of course I got you a little something extra, Sensei~" With hearts in her eyes, she took out…

Sasuke snorted while Naruto laughed.

Kakashi moaned sadly, "I thought you liked me! Your poor Sensei is sad now."

Sakura snickered as she tossed him an apple. "Hey, apples are nutritious and healthy." Then with great fanfare, she slowly brought out a book. By the time the book was half-way out, she had to jump back and dodge Kakashi's quick hands. The only reason she dodged her Sensei in time was because she was anticipating this very reaction.

"Nuh-uh-uh~ Why, Kakashi-Sensei. You can't steal from your precious students!" With fake surprise, Sakura snickered as she cradled the book next to her face, showing off the cover. "The latest copy of Icha Icha's Paradise. I happened to stop by the bookstore on the way back. I'm just suuuper excited to read it!"

Kakashi pouted. "You're too young to read this, Sakura-chan! As your Sensei, I must confiscate it."

"But I paid a lot for it. Wouldn't that be cruel?"

"I'll reimburse you. How did you even get this copy in the first place? It isn't scheduled to be out until next month!" Sakura could see Kakashi's body slightly quiver with excitement as that heated dark eye locked on her book.

With a knowing smirk, she kept teasing him as she ran a finger slowly down it's spine and said, "I've been making myself known to the businesses and I happened to become friends with the bookstore owner…and then the publisher…and you know business goes. Deals and contracts and making friends. This was a little favor they allowed me for all the help I lent."

Naruto and Sasuke just enjoyed the show of watching their lazy, runaway Sensei be at the mercy of their evil teammate.

Kakashi-Sensei begged, "Oh, my precious student! Come here! If you can let me borrow the book, I'll help you train personally."

"Aren't you already supposed to? No deal."

With a serious glint in his eye, the silver-haired ninja knelt to the ground, "Tell what you want and I'll get it for you, Sakura-sama."

"Pfft!" All three students laughed and Sakura was just about to give it to him for free, when she got a wicked idea. Since he was that desperate…"Wellll~" She walked over and whispered in his ear.

Kakashi's eyes widened as he listened then he said, "You have quite a fun little side business."

"I do." She smiled cheekily. "So let me have the rights to use your image and I'll give you royalties."

"Hmm…Not bad, not bad. I'd like a written contract later but it's fine. Also add a clause, from now on, you must get me advanced copies of Icha Icha when possible."

"You're just milking it now, Sensei." Sakura pouted.

"And you're not?" He arched a brow and chuckled, the sinfully seductive low sound of his voice making it almost impossible for Sakura to restrain herself.

"Tch. Fine!" Sakura grabbed his hand. "We'll discuss rates later." Then she shook it hard as she blushed.

Kakashi noticed she was going into her fangirl-mode again, but instead of running away as usual, he just rolled his eyes and patted her head like a little puppy. "Shall we eat?" With a soft smile, he got up and soon the team sat around the table.

Sakura wished he could take off his mask, but passed out the bentos. "One day, we need to learn to cook. Itadakimasu!"

"Itadakimasu!"

And so ended another peaceful training day as the team of lonely souls enjoyed a meal together in the warm room with laughter in the air. Sakura looked around at Team Seven with a warm feeling and thought to herself:

If this was how a family was like, then maybe I can stay in this bloody era a bit longer. Once I complete the System's mission, I hope we have the chance to eat like this once again.

She could only hope they would forgive her when she leaves.

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AUTHOR NOTE:

Yo yo, in the town YO!

So I forgot if the exams came straight after the forest of death or not, so working with it. One week cool to plan havoc? In honor of the great tradition of filler episodes with a grain of main story plot, here goes! Happy holidays!

The main part was a bit shorter than I liked but got swamped this month so here's what came out of my airhead brain. As always, please review and let me know what you think! Also THANK YOU for the reviews, they make me so happy.

Stay safe out there and remember to light a candle and eat something delicious, okay? Doctor's orders. No, not me — Sakura of course! Huh? Will Sakura still be a doctor if she's an entrepreneur? Well, Da Vinci had many hats, so why not do both?

Okay, eat well and let's hope for warm feelings and happy days. One day at a time.

No matter who or where you are. Or what — I'm looking at you Neuro. We're getting married asap when I find you. Oh, but if you love Yako, I guess you can go to the netherworld with her. Sniffle. (Anyone get that reference?)

Ahem. Anyway, may the force/way/love/avatar be with you and I hope you have fun reading and having crazy adventures with the family between these digital pages. And who knows, maybe we can awaken our hearts to some cool power or better, peace.

Much Love and Happy Holidays,

WitchySkies