Dear Emma,
I'm not really sure how to begin
Its only been a couple of hours, but I already miss you
I'm so sorry about
Thank you for the past few days
Dear Emma,
It was good to see you. I will write again once I arrive at home, but I wanted you to have my email address as well.
Love,
All the best,
Sincerely,
Yours,
Regina
The message came through right as Emma was getting ready to go to her evening maintenance meeting. Her heart stopped when she saw the name pop in her inbox, but as she was out of time, she regretfully left it unread.
The 30-minute meeting felt interminable, yet instantaneous. She was vaguely aware of Mary Margaret briefing the group on the tasks that night shift needed to accomplish that night, and she glanced up to make sure French was present and taking notes. There was no way she would remember anything that was said. Though Mary Margaret threw a few concerned glances her way, she did not ask her to stay behind and she all but ran back to her desk to open the email.
Dear Emma,
It was good to see you. I will write again once I arrive at home, but I wanted you to have my email address as well.
Regina
Seriously?
Emma read the two lines over and over, but try as she might, she could not discern any hidden messages in them. Rolling her eyes, she stood up to change for her evening workout.
Sweating felt amazing, especially since she hadn't worked out since Regina's arrival. She pushed her way through a 6thh mile on the treadmill but didn't reach the place of frustration that was niggling in her brain. Jamming her finger on the stop button, she noted her time with a scowl.
49 minutes. Pathetic.
"Hello, Emma."
She nodded at Neal from her place behind the weight bench where she was adding a 3rd plate to each side of the bar.
"Need a spot?"
Shrugging, she laid back on the bench as he took his place behind her head. His eyes widened slightly as she effortlessly pushed through 10 reps, paused for a moment, then pushed back up for 10 more.
"Don't hurt yourself, girl."
"I won't," she grunted as she replaced the bar with his help, then jumped back up to the weight racks.
"More weight," she muttered to herself, adding another two plates to the bar.
"Whoa there, Shera. Let's take 5, ok? We can walk out to the smoking sponson and talk."
"Don't want to talk," she bit out, laying back down. He spotted her through another set, then before she had a chance to say anything pulled the plates off and re-racked them
"Come on, let's go."
She shot him glare of pure venom, but he remained unphased. "Humor me, ok? Give me 10 minutes and then we can come back, and I'll spot you as long as you like, ok?"
"You got a smoke?"
He chuckled. "Thought you quit," then quickly raised his hands in supplication at her murderous stare. "Kidding, kidding. Yeah, I got you, come on."
They walked in companiable silence. His easy gait and quick smile had her blood pressure decreasing even before they reached their destination.
"This mood have something to do with the brunette that left today?"
That was the thing about Neal Cassidy. His easy-going nature and quick sense of humor made him so easy to like, but every once in a while he was uncomfortably perceptive. Even as the lines around his eyes crinkled in his usual cheerful smile, his gaze told her he understood her better than she liked.
She shook her head, unwilling to talk about it. Accepting the menthol cigarette he held out to her, she took a deep drag and turned her attention to the water. Twilight had just fallen, and she knew that if she looked down at her hand, she would soon not be able to see it due to the blackness. Remembering how Regina had taken it in her own the night before last, she was suddenly glad she was too late for sunset.
A soft chuckle next to her got her attention and she glanced up, grateful for the distraction. "What's up?"
"You know, I used to think you had it all together."
"Me? Seriously? I'm the least together person in the world." Her laugh, while incredulous, was more self-deprecating than scornful and Neal grinned at her again.
"Seriously. Of course, that was when I first met you and thought you were the most perfect creation alive. Now I know you're a hot mess, like me."
She acknowledged his former crush on her with a quick shrug. It was all ancient history. "Yup, that's me. A hot mess, all right."
"Here's the thing, girl. You may always be a hot mess, but right now you look like …."
"The hottest of all the messes?" she guessed, nudging him in the ribs with her elbow.
"No, not the hottest. Just….ok, look. You're going through something and I'm not asking you to tell me what's going on. I just want you to know that I see you, that's all. "She stared up at him, amazed once again at his perceptiveness. "All I'm saying is, if you ever need a spotter or a smoke buddy or a quiet office to hide away in for a while, I'm here."
Touched beyond reason, Emma squeezed his shoulder quickly. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. But are you absolutely sure you want to leave what happened between you and the brunette up to my imagination?"
Her laugh was the first genuine one since bingo night and her need to burn her frustration out on the weight bench suddenly dissipated somewhat.
"You're the best, Neal. I'm gonna go hit the showers."
"Night, girl." He saluted her with 2 fingers before lighting up another cigarette.
Dear Regina,
You're awful at email, you know that? I'm betting Kathryn handles all your email correspondence. You're more the type to send handwritten notes on personalized stationary, anyway.
It was good to see you too. I mean that, even if it was something I never wanted to happen. Hope to hear from you again soon.
Emma
Dear Emma,
I will have you know that I am nothing short of stellar at composing emails and I would no more allow Kathryn handle my personal correspondence than I would eat gas station sushi.
I am safely back in Vancouver. I moved here a few years ago after Daddy died. It is so beautiful here and it offers some much needed distance from my mother.
Mal wants me back in the studio by next week, but I am thinking about taking a few months off. A lot has happened and I could use some time to think it all through.
All the best,
Regina
P.S. I am happy to send you a hand written note, dear. Would you like me to spray it with my perfume before I mail it to you?
Dear Regina,
If your first email ever to someone is 2 lines long and says nothing, you suck at it. Them's the facts, no way around it.
I've never been to Vancouver, but I am glad to hear you are happy there. I am sorry to hear about your father. He was a good man and I liked him. I think taking some time off is a great idea, but I know you and you won't be able to do it for very long.
The ship is boring. Well more monotonous, than boring, I guess. Plenty to keep us busy between drills and preparation for inspections, but I think I am tired of the routine. I hope this deployment ends soon.
All the best,
Emma
P.S. Don't bother with the note, just send a bottle of the perfume
Dear Emma,
I'm sorry my email did not meet your standard. I will endeavor to do better in the future. The routine on the ship does sound awfully tedious. I am not surprised you are tiring of it. I remember you being very spontaneous.
I am truly happy here in Vancouver. The pace is so much slower than in Boston or LA, where I lived for a while getting my career off the ground. Perhaps one day you can come visit me here. What city do you call home these days?
How are Mary Margaret and David? You are fortunate to have such good friends, they are fiercely loyal to you, you know.
A bottle of Clinique Happy is on its way to you, along with a number of other things I put together in a care package. I hope it makes its way to you and that you enjoy it.
Yours,
Regina
"What the hell did you guys say to her?'
"Nothing, Emma!" The flush on Mary Margaret's cheeks told a different story, however.
"How are Mary Margaret and David?" she read out loud accusingly. "You are fortunate to have such good friends, they are fiercely loyal to you, you know." David winced and exchanged a guilty look with Mary Margaret.
"Someone want to tell me what that is about?"
"All right, all right," Mary Margaret said, trying to placate the furious blonde. "All we said was that she better not hurt you again. That's all, I swear."
"Oh, that's all, huh? So, I guess she found out about the fire and Ruby from a little bird, then?"
"Come on, Emma."
"No, listen. You guys are not my parents. You're barely 5 years older than me. I love you both, but you need to stop, ok?"
"Ok," they both agreed just a bit too quickly.
"I'm serious, guys. You can't get involved in these things without telling me. It's weird and creepy."
"We were just trying to protect you, Emma," David protested.
"I know. But you can't, ok? It's not that I don't appreciate it, but I'm 37 years old. I don't want my friends monitoring my every move, trying to control everyone around me. It has to stop."
"It will." At Emma's skeptical gaze, Mary Margaret sighed. "It will, Emma, I swear.
Dear Emma,
I am sorry that it has been a few days since my last email. I am finally back in the studio and my days have become rather hectic. I suppose that will happen when you start 3 months later than you are supposed to. On top of that, Mal seems to be a bit distant. I think there is something going on with her, but I am not quite sure what it is.
I miss you, Emma. I know that I should not be saying it, but it remains true, nonetheless. I miss you.
Love,
Regina
Dear Regina,
Have you tried asking her what is going on? She's a good friend, give her a chance to explain what is happening. She may need you but doesn't know how to say so. Talk to her.
Gotta go, they're about to start a drill. More later.
Emma
Dear Emma,
You are right, of course. I will talk to her next week when she comes back from seeing her parents in New York. Thank you.
I hope your drill went well. I haven't heard from you in a few days and I miss seeing your name in my inbox.
Love,
Regina
Dear Regina,
I had to give away Ruby's locker today. We got a new arrival in the work center and there were no other ones to give him. French assigned it to him and when I got back from lunch, it was locked and her name plate was replaced with his. Why does that hurt so bad?
Emma
Dear Emma,
My poor dear. It hurts because you cared about her so much. It is ok to admit that you are not ready to let go of her presence in your work center. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please tell me you have someone to talk to there, so you are not alone. I wish I could be there with you.
Love,
Regina
Regina sat at her desk with a glass of cider, looking at her inbox hopefully. She had not heard from Emma in a few weeks, despite trying several times to reach out to her. The phone startled her out of thoughts.
"Regina Mills."
"R'gina?"
Regina strained to hear the voice on the other end. "Emma? Is that you? Where are you?"
"Hong Kong, I think?"
"You think?" It was impossible not to hear the confusion in her voice. "Are you by yourself?"
A tearful laugh broke out over the phone and Regina could feel her heart begin to squeeze. "I lost Neal," she said. The hiccup that punctuated the remark confirmed Regina's fear.
"Emma, what happened?"
"I just want to sleep R'gina. Why can't I sleep?" The last word of the sentence broke on her tears.
"You can sleep soon, Emma. Right now, we need to figure out where you are and how to get you back to the ship."
"No! I won't be able to sleep there! Don't you get it? I'm the bow!" By now the tears were making it impossible to understand her and Regina was already starting to calculate how long a flight to Hong Kong would take.
"Emma, can you explain what you mean? How are you a bow?"
"Don't you get it?" Emma virtually shrieked. "The fire was the arrow, but I'm the bow that killed Ruby."
"Oh, honey, no." Regina's heart broke, but she forced the calm to remain in her voice. "You're not the arrow or the bow or the huntsman. Please, can you tell me if you recognize anything around you?"
"You have to stop writing to me." The change of topic threw her, but only momentarily.
"All right, Emma. Whatever you want."
"Every time I get an email from you, I dream about Leo." The statement made Regina want to cry, but now wasn't the time.
"I'll stop writing, Emma. I promise."
"When you write I get so happy, but then I dream about Leo. And when I don't dream about Leo, I dream about Ruby and sometimes Leo is trying to hurt Ruby instead of me and I can't stop him, just like I couldn't stop the fire. And I just want to sleep, R'gina. I'm so tired."
"Emma." She spoke firmly, determined to get through to her. "Listen to me, Emma. You can sleep later. Right now, I need you to look around and see if you can find Chief Cassidy or Mary Margaret or anyone else that you recognize."
"Good-bye R'gina"
"Emma! Wait, don't hang up. Emma? Emma?"
The silence coming from her cell phone was the only answer.