A little thing I wrote based on my headcanon for Luminara. The story won't be out for a very long time, considering I have HFWHSF to get through first and the Patchwork Family AU, and then the first book of the Haven AU. But hey it kinda works on its own.
Chocolate and blood stain her hands.
She is laughing, but is she mirthful?
She shows you the smile, but never the pain.
You think she's let you in, but it's just another layer of walls.
Just another round of these games.
Just another trial of trust.
It's hard to trust her, she hides so much.
Burned by the fire she has been.
Again, and again, and again.
Time it will take, as she lets you in.
And piece by piece, she shows herself.
Layer by layer she trusts.
Do not grow impatient with her.
Snap and so will she.
One mistake and that trust is gone.
One mistake and you will lose her.
The more marks left, the thicker her walls.
The harder it becomes to let people in.
Chocolate and blood stain her hands.
She may be laughing, but inside is pain.
My quill scratches against the paper
I can't stand the sound.
It sounds too close to footsteps
Leather shoes scraping against the concrete.
I can't even fake a smile.
I can tell they're worried about me.
Every time something triggers me.
A word
A voice
A hug
A loud noise
A sudden movement
Simply someone's eyes, the way they're staring at me.
I don't control what does and what doesn't.
But when I feel my heart skip a beat
My chest freeze up in fear
My hands start to shake
And all I can do is wait for it to be over.
And then I run.
Find somewhere quiet where at least there's peace around me.
It counteracts the turmoil in my head.
This is such a terrible kind of life
When your worst enemy is the face in the mirror.
Living on edge, waiting for the next attack
The next nightmare
The next spectre in the shadows
That no one else can see.
It's horrible.
To fight this losing battle alone.
To have friends who can't understand.
To have a master who doesn't care.
To be part of an order that preaches 'there is no emotion'
Do you know what that's like?
To live in an icy blank cage?
Simply be existing, going through the motions of life?
The only people who say there is no emotion are the people who've never felt it.
I don't know if I'll ever have a padawan
But if I do, I will never recite that lie
I will teach them balance.
Logic and emotion
Chaos and order
Dark and light
And then maybe they won't hurt like me.