This is it.
...
A new ray of spring-time sunshine streamed through the window, illuminating the kitchen in sunlight. Leo could see every little mote of dust in the room, watching as they flitted around Nico like little fairies. Fitting, considering how ethereal Nico looked. Seriously, it should have been illegal for him to look that good under direct sunlight.
Nico favored darker areas, little corners of the world that went forgotten. He was always so quick to move, like he subconsciously didn't want anyone to look at him long enough to remember. In the sunlight, Leo could note every single beauty mark Nico had.
Leo scanned Nico, memorizing this moment, locking it away, because he never wanted to forget any facet of Nico. He drank him in, appreciating the way his eyes glinted golden brown and how his seemingly black hair had the slightest brown undertone. His lips were perfectly full and slightly pink. Time seemed to slow as Leo leaned in, almost completely unaware of his movements, like Nico's presence was so hypnotizing it was forcing him to do this.
"What are you doing?" Nico asked, looking quizzically at Leo.
The moment dissipated, and Leo did not know what had come over him. His right hand was still on the counter, he was leaning over awkwardly, and the fact that no kiss had come of it made his stance look strange, like a hump-backed witch or something. "You look funny. There's something in your hair," he dismissed, plucking an invisible crumb from Nico's inky hair and flicking it aside.
Nico gave an uncomfortable half-smile. "I look funny?"
The answer was no, Leo wanted to shout, because Nico looked anything but funny. He was radiant in the sunlight, ethereal. He shut his eyes.
Leo took a deep breath. The moment was gone now, the sunlight had diverted itself away from Nico, and it was just another completely platonic time with his best friend, Nico.
Because best friends thought about kissing one another in the sunlight. Best friends used poetic terms to describe their eyes. Nothing beats cuddling with your homies, right?
The microwave went off, offering Leo a save from his intrepid thoughts. "Yeah, but you look alright now," Leo bridged, reaching for the microwave at the exact second Nico did.
They brushed fingers for a split second. Electricity ran its course throughout Leo's body, his hairs standing on edge from one singular touch. Leo's hand jerked back, like he was actually struck by lightning. "Sorry." He let out an awkward laugh, loud and strange in his mouth. "We should - we should get back to the others."
Nico's lip curled. He pried open the microwave and placed the bag on the stove below it, pouring it into a cereal bowl. Wordlessly he shook the last bits into the bowl, watching half-popped pieces tumble onto the rest of the popcorn, glancing off the side of the bowl and onto the stove.
Nico watched Leo out of the corner of his eye. He was staring at Nico out of the corner of his eye, and suddenly they made eye contact. Leo froze and turned on his heel, grabbing the bowl of popcorn and marching off to Jason's basement. Nico blinked and followed, not sure of what he did wrong.
…
Leo really could not stand being around Nico any longer.
There were a number of reasons for that. One, it was downright painful to be in the same proximity of Nico because he would get lost in his eyes and then think about how they could never be together and then he would make a stupid joke to deflect and then things would become awkward. Again.
Two, something about Nico's spring clothes was adorable. He had an aviator jacket that he would sometimes wear. Leo has asked about it and Nico had shown him a picture of him as a ten-year-old, drowning in the thing. He was a small boy, with rosy cheeks and gleaming eyes. Leo could see that exact expression in his mind's eye: a late-night snowball fight, an unwrapping of a Burger King toy, a long stare.
Leo decided not to dwell on That Expression.
Luckily, he had other things to involve himself in.
With no school to focus on and a determination to not focus on Nico, Leo found himself excelling in work. His sale margin had increased by 20%. He used all the film knowledge he had garnered from years of movie night and recommended movie after movie. Leo was efficient with his tactics. He'd spend his breaks setting out the new releases and sorting through the return box and thinking of new things to say to customers.
He cleaned out the bathrooms, head-to-toe. Every bit of graffiti, every suspicious wad of paper, all of it. Leo did it all absentmindedly, running on autopilot as he cleaned. He even dusted the shelves and wiped the counters and organized the register. He kept note of the late-fees. One of his coworkers put a sci-fi movie in the horror section and Leo flipped his shit.
"How can you be so fucking irresponsible, Ralph?" he had yelled. "Does this look like a horror movie to you?"
Leo shook the case in his face. Ralph was a burnt out college kid three years his senior but he still trembled. "N-no, sir."
"Do better next time."
Leo went home with a dry voice and fatigued hands.
He didn't rest. He was staying late to clean every speck of dust, hosing off the dumpsters, sending out angry emails to late-fee holders - anything to keep him busy.
His hard work didn't go unnoticed.
"I'm proud to introduce our employee of the month for April!" Sarah called out. Leo had begrudgingly come to watch the little ceremony, hands itching to get back to work. "Everyone give a big round of applause to Leo Valdez!"
Leo, stunned, was shooed into the back to get photographed. He might have only won a small bag of sour candy, but it truly meant a lot.
Leo remembered that Nico had given him a small congratulations and an offer for a ride home that he pretended not to hear.
It was easy to forget about your own feelings. It was simple to run away and distance yourself and ignore hints of longing or the sadness in Nico's eyes. Leaving was the one thing Leo could get right every time.
…
Leo leaned back in a plush beanbag chair, staring up at the ceiling. His knees were bent slightly, socked feet firmly pressed to the carpet. Drew was right beside him, playing Snake on her Nokia 8210 but not really paying attention to it. She was lounging in an inflatable pink chair, legs crossed by the ankles. They weren't talking, merely sitting side-by-side and looking at things that didn't matter.
Drew sighed, tossing her cell phone across the room, huffing and resting her chin on her palm. She stared at Leo pensively. "Why are you really hanging out with me?"
"What do you mean?" Leo asked. He was still staring up at the ceiling, glancing at a lone glow-in-the-dark star lingering in the corner of her room. There were once a couple dozen different stars on the ceiling, probably. Drew had a childhood, just like him, but only one star had lingered, the only one that had stayed sticky through the years.
"Cut the bullshit," she scoffed. "You can't tell me you actually want to talk to me. You have Nico and Jason and Piper."
Leo's lip puckered and his brows furrowed. "I don't hate you, Drew."
"You have every reason to, though," she shot back, flipping her hair behind her back and tucking her legs to her chest.
Leo shrugged. "I mean, do I? So what if you were kind of mean to me. It's high school. Life doesn't matter and I don't care about being caught up in the past, especially something as inconsequential as this."
Drew blinked, taking in his statement before rolling her eyes. "Like, what is up with the existentialism." She folded her arms and unfolded her legs mechanically. "You're in a weird-ass mood."
Leo grunted. "I guess I had an epiphany."
Silence.
Then, Leo made a sharp inhale and threw out a new question. "What was it like?" he asked. Honestly. Leo gave a sideways glance back at Drew, clad in red track pants and a black tube top. Despite the fact that it was January and also a Sunday, she had a full face of makeup and a nice outfit on. A couple of months ago, Leo would have assumed she was trying to impress someone, but now, Leo knew Drew just did this because she wanted to.
"What was what like?" Drew asked. "I swear, Piper does this too, this weird game of subtext. Like, what the fuck? Just tell me straight up." She threw her hands up, dainty and painted white like always, contrasting against eastern asian skin.
Leo snapped his neck back to normal, focusing his gaze instead on a poster of Leonardo diCaprio. "The Verbs. Dash and Dawn. What were they like?"
Drew laughed, slapping her palm onto the plastic of her chair. "Not the Verbs! God, I fucking -" she snorted. "- such a stupid name. Fuck Jeremy Canalave for making the connection between our names."
Leo smiled a little bit, shifting his way to a bulletin board littered with photos. A picture of a young Drew and her father, whose face was serious and strong. Most of the other ones were pictures of her and her friends. There were a few that looked like family photos with cousins, but other than that, the rest were nondescript.
"What were they like?" he repeated.
Since he met Nico, he had gotten better at identifying that look, the concealed sadness hidden behind people's eyes. In every single picture that involved a Verb, Drew had that look, the slightest hint of sadness and the smiles too sharp to look natural.
"They weren't that bad," Drew said, quietly.
Leo glanced up to a photo in the center of her bulletin board. You could see other photos peeking out from below it, like Drew had pinned this photo over other ones, like this memory was the most important one.
Christmas time.
Leo could spot himself second from the right, one arm around a disgruntled Nico and his other arm reaching up to give Jason bunny ears. Piper was in the center, smiling wildly to the right of Jason. Next to Piper was Drew.
Drew wasn't in the center of the photo. She wasn't drawing attention to herself, she wasn't even wearing anything more than a simple white dress. But there was an unmistakable look in her eyes, a genuine smile. Her eyes squinted awkwardly. She was caught off guard, unmasked. But she was happy.
"Are we better?"
Drew laughed forcefully. "Again, the subtext game. Who is 'we'?"
Leo gave a penetrating glance. "You know who."
"Well!" Drew said, face flushed. "I'm not the only one who can play at this. What's with you and him?"
Leo furrowed his brow, pulling at his fingers. "Who?"
A red smile. "Not so fun when you're playing, huh?"
"Well, I'm sorry for playing the 'subtext game', or whatever," Leo huffed. "Please enlighten me, Drew, bearer of all knowledge."
Drew scoffed but did not protest the mocking title Leo had given her. "Nico."
One word and Leo had recoiled. Drew's weapon was her words, her eye for honing in on flaws. "I'm not stupid. I saw you acting weird around him," she said, doubling up on her verbal assault.
Leo shrugged and avoided her eyes. "I dunno."
"Maybe you should pull your head out of your ass and figure it out."
"There is no head-ass related anything!" Leo protested. "So I was slightly awkward one time. I'm not like, buggin' out or something over this."
Drew frowned. "So you agree. There is a something with you and Nico."
"Love is complicated and shit. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even want to know. What I'm feeling will pass." Leo winced. "I thought you would agree."
"I do," Drew nodded. "I don't think I've ever, or will ever, love anyone," Drew said. She tilted her head towards the window, looked out on the expensive houses that lined her street, the leafless tree that sat outside of her window. "Genuinely."
"For real?"
"For real."
...
"We haven't done this in a while," Leo chuckled awkwardly, rooting through the bag of Burger King and pulling out his usual order. He averted Nico's eyes, set on scarfing his meal down and leaving as soon as he had the opportunity to. He chose to remain ignorant towards the dark eyes boring into the back of his head.
"That's 'cause you've been avoiding me." Strict. Sharp. To the point. Nico didn't beat around the bush. He was direct with his words, a new development due to his increased confidence. Leo sighed, filing through his mind to apply the least half-assed excuse he could think of.
"I've been busy, Nico. You know that." He gave a weak smile. "Let's just enjoy our lunch. Thanks for buying, by the way." If Nico wanted to call Leo out on his bullshit, he didn't. Instead, he unwrapped his own burger, pale hands unraveling the plastic, fixating on the movements too much. Leo wondered what was running through his mind.
Nico flicked a fry into his mouth, chewing methodically before speaking. "I thought we were done with using humor as a mask."
One sentence and Leo was dead. Deceased. If Nico's words were a Pokemon move, they would be Fissure, an earth-shattering move that was guaranteed to knock out the opposing Pokemon in one hit.
"Tell me what's really going on, Leo. Please." His words on their own were a suggestion, but with Nico's tone, it was more like a command. "You promised that if something was wrong, you'd tell me."
Leo couldn't run anymore. He was rooted in place. All that running had caught up to him. The cycle had snapped, leaving Leo with whiplash. Nico was staring at him, large dark eyes framed with thick bottom lashes. He looked so concerned, his burger left by the wayside and his cheeks dusted pink.
"I…Can't put it into words." Leo's eyes rested on Nico's mouth.
"Please try." Nico swept his tongue along his lips subconsciously. Leo's eyes followed the movement. Nico's lips gleamed tantalizingly, all full and mauve-colored and inviting.
Leo made a noise of frustration. Fuck it. He might not have been able to translate his thoughts into words, but he sure as hell could express them.
He leaned into Nico, lips parted, closing the distance between them in an instant. Nico hesitated and kissed back, a soft, chaste brush of lips that made Leo feel as though he was both drowning and burning, like fireworks and dusty VHS tapes. He felt like soaring doves and burnt incense and breathless laughter. He was on top of the world because he was kissing Nico.
Mistletoe-related desires and fruitless what-if scenarios and shameful dreams were nothing compared to the brief moment they were sharing, a single kiss that had lit up Leo's heart in a controlled set of explosive fireworks.
The salt of french fries lingered on Nico's lips, a taste that should have been unpleasant or off-putting, but was it the most intoxicating flavor Leo had ever had. He resisted the urge to grin against his partner's lips, opting to live in the moment and savor the sensation, a droplet of water in the desert.
Caught in the moment, he wrapped his hands around Nico's back sturdily, supporting him and deepening the kiss at the same time. Nico's eyes fluttered open, and he was seemingly brought back to reality.
Nico pulled away from the kiss suddenly, the movement so fast and unexpected Leo was left kissing the air for a few seconds before realizing. He surveyed Nico's face, his freckled face ignited in pink. Nico's eyes were downcast, but Leo noted that his pupils were so blown they were almost completely black. Leo didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry," he said automatically.
You made him uncomfortable. You ruined the friendship. He hates you. You're a terrible person. Get up and run away. You're going to make things worse. You fucking dumbass. Leave. Leave. Leave.
Leo looked at Nico's low gaze for a split second.
He stayed seated, grounding himself to the ground and breathing as evenly as possible. A torrent of emotions raged through his mind, a breached dam. The blood was churning in his ears, overpowering his hearing, chaotic waves fighting in his head, crashing and crashing and crashing.
Nico placed a finger to Leo's lips to silence him. A lifeboat. Involuntarily, Leo shivered, goosebumps dancing across his skin. One touch and Leo was a mess. "I liked the kiss," Nico said simply. He dragged his finger away from Leo's mouth and sighed.
"I liked it too. I like you too." Leo felt stupid just saying the words. Ever so eloquent, he was. What was he even supposed to say? He was still lightheaded from the euphoria of kissing Nico. Kissing Nico. That was something Leo could say he had done. Nico was chewing on his bottom lip. "Do you...do you maybe want to try going out sometime? Like, a date?" Leo took the plunge.
His voice was quivery and awkward. God, was this middle school? He was Leo Valdez, for fucks sake. He wasn't some blush-y schoolkid. He tilted his head and smiled up at Nico, in a way he hoped was reassuring. Leo was getting antsy. Nico was silent. Did he misjudge? Was this a bad time? He felt his hands shake anxiously on their own accord, his stomach filled with delirious butterflies that fluttered erratically in his torso.
"I'm not sure if that would be a good idea."
There it was.
Leo could feel his face burn, his stomach drop, his chest tighten. His mouth was dry, his lungs empty.
Rejection was nothing new to Leo. He would get a new crush on a new person who was out of his league, and then his heart would get stomped on and the cycle would continue. Except. Except this was even worse. This was worse than every other heartbreak that had consumed him before, because it was Nico who was breaking his heart.
Leo swallowed his thoughts down and answered. "Oh." His tongue was clumsy, like it was swelling too large to fit in his mouth. His words were clunky, a prototype of the machine they had the potential of becoming. He couldn't think, but there were a million thoughts flowing through the river of his mind at once. They ejected into oceans of information, crashing against the cliffs of his common sense, flooding his mind, and yet his mouth was a parched desert, the memory of Nico's lips evaporating.
"I like you too." A bit of hope, a rickety life ring in the middle of high tide. He could feel an anchor, the soft and strong grip of Nico's hand wrapping around his, grounding his mind to reality. "That's just the problem."
"How?" Leo's cadence of child-like speech had not matured in the moments between his sentences. He was seeking the simplest of answers.
"It's just that - it's a lot." Cold fingers traced the veins on Leo's hands. "Yes, I like you, Leo. You're… you're important to me." Nico's voice was steady, he controlled it in such a way that it concealed the slightest bit of rockiness, the smallest of ripples.
It was true, what Nico was saying. Leo meant a lot to Nico.
Leo was the surprised bit of laughter that came from an unexpected joke. He was an old board game with missing pieces and fond memories. He was breathless laughter and lingering touches and orange sunsets.
Leo was captivating in the most unconventional ways. His plain eyes sparkled when he spoke and crinkled when he grinned. He could glide across the concrete on his skateboard effortlessly, his lithe frame and nimble movements giving him the coordination necessary to ollie off of ledges and slide down railings.
He was smarter and more attentive than he let on. Leo could pinpoint Nico's emotions to a tee just from watching his movements. He was the kind of person to wait while you tied your shoe to make sure you didn't get left behind.
Nico could see it all in his mind's eye, a slideshow of the reasons he loved Leo.
"But?" One word, breaking Nico's musings. This was the eye of the hurricane.
Nico took a deep breath, pushing that down so he could get his thoughts across. "That's just it. I think we work well as friends. I feel like I'd be dragging you down." Nico shifted in his spot. "I don't want to pressure you into something you don't truly want. What if our friendship got ruined just because you decided you liked me for a minute?"
Leo was silent, mulling Nico's words.
"You're wrong." Simple words were never so effective. Leo took his other hand, the hand not twisted around Nico's hand, and brought it to his chin, tilting Nico's head up. Brown met brown, a flickering of candlelight. "Nico. I've liked you for ages. Since…" he thought. He really thought about it. "Since November, really."
"Leo…" Nico was uneasy. "You don't need to pretend for me. I'm fine." A lie. Leo shook his head vehemently. His left hand moved on its own, carding a black curl behind Nico's ear.
"I'm serious, Nico. This isn't some spur-of-the-moment decision. It's something I've been certain about for a while now." Leo was putting more effort into his words. His voice was quiet and level, with no jokes or exclamations or anything. Nico remained silent, so Leo continued. "I promise. I just didn't want to ruin anything either, especially 'cause I thought you were out of my league."
Nico's eyes widened in surprise, inky black pools with little flecks of gold in them. "Oh." Leo smiled weakly, squeezing Nico's hand.
"I can't explain my feelings for you," Leo admitted. "I know. I'm not good with my emotions. I can't... convey the way I feel with words quite as perfectly as I want to. But I can soundly say that I fucking love you, Nico, okay?"
It was Nico's turn for cognitive thoughts to leave his brain. "Me too." Leo laughed in surprise, but the laughter died on his lips when he made eye contact with Nico again.
Water stilled as Leo pulled Nico by his hand and brought his lips to his own. Nico hesitated before melting into the kiss, reciprocating Leo's feverish movements with his own. This kiss was longer and softer than the previous one. Leo's lips were smooth and warm, and they moved at a steady pace. Nico cupped his face, encouraged by the firm hands on his waist that made his knees weak.
Nico broke away first, smiling against Leo's lips and reveling in the moment. The kiss became a hug, with Nico's chin tucked against a warm shoulder. "Will you go out with me?" Nico asked, murmuring against his ear. The same question that had left Leo's lips had transferred onto his. Leo shivered again. The ethereal effect Nico's voice had should have been illegal, with the way it could melt Leo.
"Of course." He leaned in for another kiss, a soft, chaste thing, a brush of lips. Nico reciprocated immediately, wrapping his arms around Leo and -
"I don't pay you two to suck face," Sarah interrupted with a clear of her throat. The corners of her mouth were turned up, a rare smile. "Get to work."
Leo tentatively smiled at Nico. "Yes, ma'am. We'll be right there." Before moving to obey Sarah, Leo tapped a message onto the small of Nico's back, a message he had long-since memorized.
I love you.
...
This fic was a long time coming.
i am not very happy with a lot of it, but i can say I'm glad i wrote it. thank you so much for all the support! whether you commented, kudosed, or even read it. thank you.
i will be working on some more valdangelo stuff, so if you like my writing, look out for a oneshot :)
i left some aspects of this story for a sequel, but i doubt i will be writing anything for the blockbuster universe anytime soon
i will respond to EVERY comment you leave on this chapter :) i cant respond to reviews on fanfiction dot net, so please leave them on ao3.
overall, i think this story could have improved in many ways and i wish i had finished the entire fic before publishing, but it's one of my first ones haha. I'm only 14 and this is the biggest project I've singlehandedly done. hindsight, hindsight. either way, I'm glad so many people read and enjoyed it. at the time of me publishing the final chapter, we are at 135 kudos, 23 bookmarks, and 1693 hits. those are the best stats i have ever had in this span of time. thank u all!