*Thank-you so much for the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated. I do apologize for the delay in updating. I had planned to update last week but I experienced some health issues and needed to rest for a couple days so thank-you for your patience. *
TWO MONTHS LATER:
The sun shines down on the beautiful beach in Hawaii, the clear blue waves of the ocean crash down in the distance as close family and close friends gather to celebrate the life of Amari. A beautiful picture of Amari before she had her cancer wearing a beautiful yellow tank dress, her waist long hair hanging down, her long eyelashes accenting her beautiful dark brown eyes and her beautiful smile sits in the sunshine giving it a special angelic glow as Joe, Gatsby and I sit in the front row thinking of all the things we miss about Amari, it's been two months without her and our lives definitely aren't the same. We are doing our best trying to adjust to life without her but I don't think this will ever happen, not anytime soon. I know she's in a better place, I know she's not hurting anymore and I know she is safe with her daddy and I know Wyatt is taking good care of our baby girl and she's probably eating all the ice-cream she can eat. I take peace in knowing that she is healed maybe not in the way I had hoped but nonetheless she's healed. I look around and everything is beautiful, it is everything that Amari would have wanted. She loved Hawaii, it was her favorite place in the world, so it makes the most sense to lay her ashes on the beach she loved so much. Of course none of Wyatt's family has come to the life celebration, but they also weren't invited. I haven't heard from his family since we arrived home from Hawaii last year. I'm not heart broken over it, Amari was loved by a lot of people and is being celebrated by those that truly loved her and knew her.
The minister blows the conch shell stirring up the spirits of the Earth to gather as we celebrate the life of Amari. A soft breeze fills the air as Joe takes my hand into his as the minister begins, "Psalms 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Today on behalf of the Thomas/Anoa'i family I would like to welcome you as we are all gathered here to celebrate and remember the life of Amari Thomas. Thank-you for gathering today. I am sure the family recognizes you don't have to be here especially with everything going on in the world around us but your presence is an affirmation of your love and support for them. 1 John 3:17-19 says let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. Your presence today shows your love in deed. One week, one month, one year from now the Thomas family is going to need you. How can you help them in their time of need; hush, don't feel that need to give answers for the death of Amari, there are some answers we will never get on this Earth and if we had the answers it would not heal the pain of losing Amari nor would it bring her back to us. Hear, listen to them, listen to their stories of Amari, listen to their hurt, memories and their pain. Hug, offer them a shoulder to cry on." Tears fill my eyes as I am grateful for all those that love and loved my beautiful little girl. She was definitely something special and even though her time was short here on Earth she touched and blessed many lives. "We have all been touched by Amari's life and many of us feel this loss deeply. We can't change what happened, we learn what we need to know about ourselves, life and God. Amari loved her family! She absolutely loved her family, and she was extremely excited to get a baby brother this coming November and more importantly she was happy to see her mom marry the man that she loves, to see her mom find happiness after a long painful trial. Amari loved her sister so much, Gatsby and Amari were the best of friends there was never a time that Amari and Gatsby were not there for one another. Amari looked up to Gatsby and some of her most favorite times were playing dolls with her big sister and watching Moana with her. Amari also loved God, God was a big part in Amari's short life, she enjoyed going to church, enjoyed listening to kids worship songs and she loved to say her prayers every day, thanking God for everything in her life and praying for things in her life. At 6 years old Amari had so much love and faith for God it was outstanding and God loves her and loved her too. Today in the middle of our sadness we can take comfort in knowing that Amari is with Jesus and that is all that matters in life. None of us face the pain of losing Amari alone, God is here and he wants to help us through this pain. Let us pray. Our Father in Heaven, Lord we come to you with our hearts heavy, burdened by the pain of losing Amari, the pain of not understanding why or how but knowing and taking comfort in the fact that Amari is safe in your arms, safe with you smiling so beautifully and enjoying her favorite ice-cream and seeing the dad she lost a couple years ago. Help us know that you are here with us today and every day, allow us to know that through your love we may have hope and lifted from darkness and distress and into the peace of your presence we ask this in Jesus name, Amen. At this time some people that loved Amari would like to share a few memories of her and their time with her. Madden," he says calling me up.
I take a deep breath as I stand up, I make my way up to the podium and stand next to the beautiful picture of my baby girl. Tears fill my eyes as I think of all the memories I have of her, how empty I feel without her. "Amari, meaning strength, when Wyatt and I were pregnant with Amari somehow the name just came to us, we thought it was the most beautiful name and chosen it before we knew that it meant strength. I would say that we named her well, Amari was one of the strongest little girls I have ever known. She lived a life where she could have been disappointed, she could have been hurt but it didn't matter what she was going through Amari kept a smile on her face, she was strong for as long as she could be. She fought hard and while we may never understand why she didn't win her battle, we know that Amari was strong enough to battle cancer as best as she could. She fought to the very end and she never gave up hope. She had so much hope, she had so much faith. I was impressed by her and her strength through every doctor appointment, every treatment and every surgery, she was so strong. Amari just had this beautiful love for life. She loved life so much, she was always happy, always had this beautiful smile on her face even when she was hurting. Amari loved ballet, she wanted to do ballet so badly, she wanted to be a ballerina when she beat cancer and I know right now she's up in Heaven wearing a purple leotard, purple tutu and pink ballet slippers dancing around pretending she's dancing in the Nutcracker one of her absolute favorite ballets and movies. She loved the Nutcracker. She always wanted to be like Clara. She made me smile every day, every question she asked, every opinion she ever gave made me smile, she made me laugh so much and she gave my life so much joy. She was my baby girl and she wanted nothing more than for me to be happy and to find happiness after Wyatt which is why I believe she waited until Joe and I got married to take her final breaths and pass into her eternity. It was the most painful thing to tell my little girl she could let go but I know she's with her daddy and she's with Jesus and I know she's eating all the ice-cream she can eat. Ice-cream was always her favorite treat, chocolate ice cream with lots of sprinkles it was her favorite. Along with The Nutcracker Amari's favorite movie and Disney princess was Moana, she loved Moana because she admired her strength and her courage little did Amari realize that she too had her own strength and her own courage that so many of us admire today. Amari touched so many lives and made a difference in so many lives. She was a ray of sunshine, she was a beautiful soul and always thought of others before herself, the world could have learned so much from her and her kindness. My baby girl changed a lot of lives including mine, if I could live life like she did I would be so happy. At this time I would like to play Amari's favorite song in her memory," I say before I set my phone up to play How Far I'll Go from Moana. Amari absolutely loved that song. Memories of Amari singing and dancing to this song play in my mind as she's dressed up as Moana. It is what she would have wanted. "We will never know how far Amari would have gone in this life but what we do know and what I take comfort in knowing is that Amari even though her time was short here, she was the strongest, most beautiful, kindest and most loving child I have ever met, my life is so empty without her but what I do know is now she is happy and healthy living the promised life, the promised eternity and I am grateful for that and I can't wait until I see her again."
I make my way back to my seat, Joe gives me a quick hug before he takes his turn to talk about Amari. I dry my tear-filled eyes with a tissue. "I had the pleasure of meeting Amari after I donated my bone marrow to her, I never expected to develop such a deep connection with her, to grow to love her so much, have her call me daddy. Much like Madden said Amari was so full of life. She always had a smile on her face. She enjoyed watching Moana and singing Moana songs. She loved to play tea party and play with her American Girl doll with her older sister. She loved to give hugs and ask so many questions. Amari's time was short on this Earth but she made a big impact on all of our lives in some way. She taught me how to live again, to be happy again, to be happy no matter what I am dealing with, no matter what I am going through. She was always laughing and was just filled with this joy. I know she couldn't wait to be a big sister, to meet her baby brother and I wish she could be here to meet him in November but I am sure right now before he arrives, she's spending so much time with him, loving on him and kissing him, showing him how to be joyful in times of sorrow. While I want to be sad, and full of sorrow I know that Amari wouldn't have wanted that. She herself was joyful through the pain, through her own sorrow. She definitely changed my life and gave me a new outlook on life, if it wasn't for her, my life with Madden wouldn't have entwined the way it did. I will miss Amari, I already miss her and miss the life and joy she brought into our home every day, the days she would help me make breakfast, the days she would just want to spend time with me and just want to love me. I loved her so much and I am so thankful for the time I got with her, all the things I learned from her. Amari, I love you so much and I will forever remember you, forever think of you and remember how much joy you brought into our lives, your bright eyes, your beautiful smile and your kind heart. I love you so much, Amari, enjoy your ballet and ice-cream, we will see you soon," he says making me smile. The bond that Amari and Joe had was inseparable. He loved her so much and while he talks about how Amari changed his life, Joe changed all of our lives so much including Amari's life, he gave her a little more time. I am grateful for him and all he has done for my baby girl and all the love he has shown her.
Gatsby makes her way to the front after Joe sits down. I told Gatsby she didn't have to say anything if she didn't want to, but she insisted that she talk about her sister so I am proud of her for making that choice. "Amari was the best little sister I could have ever asked for. We are only 2 years apart so we were really close and Amari was my best friend. She was so kind and so generous. That's what I love the most about her is how kind she was, how she always thought about everyone else before she thought about herself. I remember mornings when she would wake me up to play with her. I miss those mornings, I miss them so much. We would always play house together and I knew she would always want to be the mom so I always let her. She loved playing with her baby dolls and being a mom to them. Just like I know she would be a great big sister to our little brother, the little brother she has been asking for. It's sad she will never meet him and sad he will never meet her but I promise I am going to tell Joseph about Amari and everything she was. She would have been a great big sister I know because she was a great little sister. I miss playing dolls with her and watching movies with her and reading books with her. I miss all the time I had with her and I wish I could get that time back with her but I know she's with our Dad and she's probably so happy. And she doesn't hurt anymore either and she doesn't have anymore pain. I am happy that she got her angel wings but I still wish she was here. I will miss her so much but I am never going to forget Amari," she says as she rubs the necklace containing Amari's ashes; Joe, myself, Gatsby and even Joseph have some of her ashes as a way to keep her with us forever while the other ashes will be spread on this beautiful island.
The minister goes on to give a message about God being our shepherd and how Amari lived a life of God, talking about Heaven and the paradise Heaven is. I can only imagine Amari in Heaven right now walking on those Gold streets of heaven, dancing with her daddy, singing with her daddy and having an ice-cream sundae with her daddy. I know she's happy and I know that she's enjoying her eternal life she was promised. We pray with the minister before he ends the life celebration with someone playing Somewhere Over The Rainbow on the ukulele. It is such a beautiful ending to such a beautiful life celebration. "I think Mari would have been happy," says Joe.
"I think she would too," I say with a soft smile. "I know it's not going to hurt forever but why does it have to hurt so much right now?" I ask as we walk along the ocean.
"I don't know but you and I both know that this hurt will last for a while."
"I know even though Mari is in a much better place and she's healed. I may not have wanted her to be healed in that way but to know that she's healed and safe in Heaven helps me a little bit. I wish I could have seen her face when she met up with Wyatt."
"I'm sure she was excited," he smiles wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "I'm sure he was just as excited to see her."
"I'm sure," I say, "Wyatt and Amari were always close, they always shared this bond. Somehow I think God knew that Amari and Wyatt couldn't live without each other and that's why he chose to take her."
"Maybe," he says. "What is your favorite memory of Amari?"
"I have so many," I smile thinking of my baby girl, "but my absolute favorite memory was probably when she was about 2 years old. She got her first pair of ballet shoes, her first dance costume, I put it on for her and she was a natural. She just took to it and started doing turns, she was so adorable. She loved ballet and when she got sick she had to stop dancing just like she had to stop going to school. I wish she could have gone back to ballet but I know she's up there dancing with her daddy," I smile, "he was always her dance partner because believe it or not Gatsby and I don't have much rhythm in our bodies but Wyatt and Mari were the dancers. He was always dancing with her it melted my heart. I know you didn't know her that long but what was your favorite memory of her?"
Joe smiles and says, "My favorite memory will always be the day she asked if she could call me daddy. That was so heart warming and unexpected and the joy on her face when I said yes was everything, that will always be my favorite memory, if there's one thing I will always remember about Mari was she was a fighter, she was so strong."
"She really was and she fought to the very end, I had to tell her to let go. I don't think she was going to let go but after I said it, I knew that she knew it was time. It still breaks my heart but I am glad I had those last few minutes with her. I will never forget them."
"I know you won't," he says holding me close. "I just wish she would be able to meet Joseph and that he would be able to meet her."
"Joseph will always know about his big sister, Gatsby was right about one thing, if Mari was still here she would have been a great big sister to Joseph and he would have loved her like everyone else. I'm scared, Joe."
"Scared of what?" he asks.
"That I am going to need to go through this again, I'm really scared that Joseph is going to go through the same thing and I don't think my heart can take it."
"I don't think he will go through this, I know he is going to be a healthy little boy, that's going to grow up to be kind-hearted and loving just like Amari was."
"I hope so," I say as the sun starts to set over the beautiful water and just as the sun starts to set for the evening, our family and friends gather around us. We hand everyone some of Amari's ashes and just as the daytime sky gives way to the night sky, the sky a beautiful orange and pink sunset in our own paradise we spread Amari's ashes on the beach where she can spend the eternity in one of her favorite places, we plan to visit Hawaii often to feel this connection with Amari but right now we are grateful for the life that Amari lived, the beautiful person she was and everything she showed us in life and all the lessons she taught us. She taught me so much she taught me how to love a little bit deeper, how to give a little more, how to hope a little more, how to trust a little more and how to have more faith the one thing she never taught me was how to live in this life without her and sadly I'm going to need to learn that lesson on my own. I will always miss my baby girl but I know she will forever be in the hearts of us and those that loved her.
*A/N: So what do you think? What do you think of Madden's fears for Joseph? What did you think of Amari's life celebration? Is this all that Amari would have wanted? I have decided that there will be two more chapters of this story and then it's time to end it so thank-you so much for all your support and your reviews throughout. Thank-you for reading and please review.