AN: Woof this is a big one I guess? Three chapters for part one of this, so expect them to be long I guess!
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This morning would take the cake as the worst morning Iruka had ever had. He was alone in a strange room and didn't know how he got here. If they managed to get Rōzu free of Kushina, he'd be blaming them for how insane his life had gotten. It was only when the door opened and two people entered the room he got some answers.
"Perfect your awake" Itachi handed him a snack bar. "Sorry I had to move our time table up a bit since Fox has a mission tomorrow."
"You kidnapped me" he took the snack bar and looked over at Fox.
They looked like a typical ANBU member, their mask unsettled him a little. If they were with Itachi he assumed they could be trusted, of course Itachi had kidnapped him in the night, so maybe not.
"Like I said, short on time" Itachi hung some papers on the wall. "I've made a rough outline for the mission. We'll have to isolate Kushina and then get her within Fox's line of sight. Once Fox is in we can link up to them and go in as well."
"In?"
"In her mind, Fox is capable of bringing other people along. Given everything we learned yesterday I narrowed down our options. We'll either have to exorcise Rōzu, which I'm unaware of how to do, or go into their mind and take out Kushina there."
"When did you come up with this exactly?" Iruka had seen him roughly six hours ago, did Itachi sleep?
"About an hour ago, that's when I linked up with Fox and had to move our mission time up."
"The whole mind thing seems like a stretch though? What if we get overpowered by her in there?"
"That brings me to part two of that solution, once one of us is in there with Fox the other will have to remove the limiters from Rōzu. Given what Kushina said those are likely what let her take over."
"Wait, you knew about the limiters?" Iruka thought they'd only told him.
"Of course, we hid a body together."
"Should you say that inf-"
"Don't care" this was the first time Fox spoke, they were certainly to the point.
"Right. So one of us goes in and tries to kick her out from the inside, and the other boosts Rōzu up to help kick her out. Seems simple enough."
"Glad you think so, it's on you to get her alone. Once you do so Fox will move, then you'll be going in."
"Is that a good idea, I'm definitely the weakest one here."
"While a fair point, I thought it over and decided you'd be the best fit for that role. I don't enjoy the sensation of my mind leaving my body."
"Of course" Iruka was sure he'd hate it too. "How am I supposed to get her alone?"
"You've already called out of work for the day" Itachi held a hand up to him to silence any questions. "Naruto will be at school, so you just need to get her to stay home long enough for Fox to get prepped. Once they're ready we'll knock on the door."
"How did you call out for me exactly?" Iruka didn't particularly like that he could just do that.
"Like this" he really didn't like hearing his voice come out of Itachi's mouth.
"Uh huh. So, I just have to keep someone who really doesn't like me in one place long enough for you two to get ready. Not really sure Kushina won't just ignore me and head off."
"It's on you to figure out something convincing enough, if not the plan will be a bust."
"Great, no pressure."
He had less than an hour before the academy day would start. Once it did Kushina would be alone very briefly before heading to work. He didn't particularly like it, but he'd managed to come up with one plan that might work.
"Hello?" he knocked on the Uzumaki's door. "Are you still in Rōzu? I just wanted to apologize about something really quick."
"I am" she opened the door, giving him a look. "But aren't you supposed to be teaching."
"Took today off, can I come in?"
"Well I didn't, so you'll have to make this quick and say it at the door."
"It's a little private for a hallway conversation."
"Oh really, what exactly is this about then?"
"I know we've had, well, a whole thing between us. Some bad times, some good times, some worse times, but I really think it's not fair to Kakashi."
"What?"
"I know it's kind of my fault with inviting him to Fun Friday, but I thought it would be good for us to just get it all out in the open. I was clearly wrong."
"Uh huh, wrong about what exactly?" her confusion about this meant she didn't have all of Rōzu's memories, or at least the ones from when they were very drunk.
"He's just not that into me, like, I know, having a threeway wi-" moments after he said that she yanked him inside and locked the door.
"A WHAT WAY WITH WHO?" she seemed very distraught by this announcement.
"Yeah I thought you'd wanna know this" Iruka hated that this was working. "We all got very drunk one night and had a threeway. So when Kakashi is back later today, things might be really awkward."
"Oh god are you kidding me!" she rubbed her forehead. "The one fucking body I can get, and it belongs to someone who had a threeway with Kakashi!"
"Is there something wrong with Kakashi?" Iruka hadn't expected this to work so well.
"He was my husband's student, I've known him since he was like five!"
"Wait" Iruka hadn't figured out who exactly the Minato she'd mentioned before was. "You were married to Kakashi's jonin sensei? As in, the fourth Hokage?"
"Yes! Oh god what if he tries to kiss me! This is so messed up!"
"NARUTO'S DAD IS THE FOURTH HOKAGE?" Iruka had lost control of this situation.
"FOCUS" she slapped him. "I NEED YOU TO HELP ME DUMP KAKASHI PRONTO! I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS!"
"YOU CANNOT JUST TELL ME NARUTO'S DAD WAS A HOKAGE AND EXPECT ME TO FOCUS ON THAT!"
The two both paused as there was another knock at the door. Iruka really hoped it was Itachi and Fox, this had gotten way too out of hand for him. Kushina stared at it in fear.
"Shouldn't you go open it?"
"What if it's Kakashi?"
"It can't be, he won't be back until tonight" that was the one true thing Iruka had built this lie on.
"You open it!"
"This is your house!"
"Look, I need you to open it so I don't have to deal with the distress seeing Kakashi will cause me."
"You are being so ridiculous, but fine" he walked over and grabbed the door knob.
As he slowly pulled it open he was reassured seeing Itachi and Fox. In all the yelling he'd almost been convinced it would be Kakashi for some reason. As he opened it all the way Fox moved forward and made a strange hand seal at Kushina. Itachi quickly moved forward and caught them, Kushina fell to the floor with a thump.
"Good job" Itachi put Fox down in a chair and helped Iruka move Kushina off the floor.
"How do I link up with them exactly?" that hadn't been explained to him earlier.
"Grab their shoulder and match their chakra" Itachi got to work with the limiters. "Good luck in there."
"Thanks" full of doubt he followed Itachi's instructions.
As he matched Fox's chakra flow he understood what Itachi had meant before. The feeling of his conscious mind exiting his body was not a pleasant one. After a few moments he could feel himself once more and could see again. The world had changed, he was now at the foot of a snow covered mountain. The snow that fell onto him felt odd, it didn't melt on contact and was sort of brittle on his skin. In the distance he could see something through the snowfall, without any other options he headed over there. As he grew near he crossed a threshold of some kind, suddenly there was no more snow. Instead it was a lush grass field with a small table at its center.
"Oh great, another person in my head" Rōzu, the real Rōzu, was sitting at the table.
"DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT SLEEP WITH KAKASHI!" he could recognize Kushina from the pictures.
"Who can say?"
"YOU CAN!"
Iruka decided to move closer to the table amidst the yelling. He couldn't see any sign of Fox, he thought they'd be here as well. When he was by the table he could see the restraints on Rōzu, they were strange gold chains.
"So, welcome to my twisted mind" they gestured with their head to a seat. "Take a seat if you want, try and ignore the yelling woman."
"I think I'll pass on the seat" he tried to get closer to them but more of the chains blocked the way.
"You might have gotten in here" Kushina was glaring at him now. "But you really shouldn't try and do that."
"Or else what?" he glared back. "You'll steal my body too?"
"God please don't, he'd look so bad with red hair."
"I would not!"
"Shut up!" Kushina snapped a chain at him. "I've got a body now, and I am perfectly happy with it. So unless you want me to try out having two, get the hell out of it."
"This isn't your body!" Iruka had managed to avoid the chain, but didn't like how many she'd summoned. "Kushina Uzumaki is dead! You said it yourself, you're just some left over chakra!"
"Iruka, just go" Rōzu's voice was weak.
"I told you, they're fine with this" Kushina tucked a strand of their hair away. "It's what's best for everyone."
"Like hell I believe that!" he dodged another chain and moved closer. "You're my friend and I'm not letting her erase you!"
"Oh big words, and a rather bold assumption, isn't that right Rōzu?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean!" he rolled under another swing and looked at them.
"I trusted you, and you lied to my face!" their words made him pause long enough for a chain smack him to the ground. "You knew what was going on with Naruto and just refused to tell me!"
"That's not true!" he was too distracted to notice the chain going for his leg, it hoisted him up and brought him closer to them. "I wanted to tell you, but there's a law!"
"I compromised the one thing I have left from my past because I thought I could trust you" their voice was growing weaker even as they kept yelling at him. "And you wouldn't break one stupid law!"
"So you're just going to let her kill you!" he really didn't see how this was relevant to the current situation. "I'm sorry I lied ok! But you can be mad at me tomorrow when it's you and not her in the real world!"
"Well this rescue mission of yours is going spectacularly from where I'm standing" Kushina started wrapping more chains around him.
"STAY OUT OF THIS" they yelled at her together.
"Or else what?"
"Or else I'm gonna kick your ass!" Rōzu started straining against the chains. "You stole my body, my life, and my son!"
"HE WAS MY SON FIRST!"
"SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT" they managed to get an arm free of the chains. "BEFORE YOU FUCKING DIED."
"YEAH WHAT THEY SAID!" Iruka started fighting against the chains as well.
"If you both weren't going to bite it here" she held her chin and watched them both struggle against her chains. "You do make a pretty nice pair ya know."
Iruka looked her in the eyes. He was about to lose his entire mind. Abandoning his hold on the chains, he grabbed the edge of the table and flipped it up at her.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! WE ARE NOT A THING!"
Getting a table flipped at her made Kushina lose her concentration on the chains momentarily. It was enough time for Iruka to fall free. He grabbed Rōzu and started pulling trying to get them loose too. He could feel more chains fast approaching without even needing to turn, even with that last ditch effort things were looking bad. As he prepared to give up and meet a horrific end here, Rōzu gripped the chains tighter. With a surge of chakra they tore themself free and jumped back with Iruka.
"Oh I forgot how being strong feels" they flexed their arms and grinned.
"Itachi has really come through on this whole operation" Iruka liked their odds a lot better now.
"He is absolutely not invited to the party" Kushina surged her chakra as well.
"When I get rid of you, I'm double inviting him to the party."
"Big talk, you're just some second rate replacement for me. You're a failure, a nobody, and most of all, not a real mother."
"From what I've heard, I've been a mom about six month longer than you."
"Oh now you've crossed the line, I'm gonna tear you apart!" Kushina released more chains
"Bring it on!" Rōzu pointed a thumb to their chest. "You're dealing with the one and only mom to Konoha's number one hyperactive knucklehead!"
Iruka tried to move in but was yanked back by Rōzu. He tried to protest, but froze as they dipped him. He could hear blood rushing in his head as they leaned in, chains beginning to bear down on them.
"Once I'm done with her" they dropped him to the ground. "We are having a long chat."
Thoroughly dazed and thankfully not kissed, Iruka watched from the ground as they dashed towards Kushina. They managed to easily slide or vault over the newest chains she shot out, each new one was getting noticeably slower than the last. Seeing that she couldn't stop their approach, Kushina moved forward to meet them head on. Iruka winced as they literally collided headfirst. Given her use of the chains Iruka had assumed she would lack in close combat, unfortunately he was wrong. Between the two of them Rōzu was clearly out classed in raw strength, getting shoved back by each blow. It was more surprising to him that they didn't seem too concerned by her upper hand. As the fight raged on her discovered why. With every punch that would throw Rōzu away, Kushina became slower.
"What's the matter" they managed to dodge her latest hit and retaliated with an uppercut. "Running out of steam?"
"Don't worry" Kushina grit her teeth and slammed the ground, shattering it under them both. "I'm just hitting my second wind!"
Rōzu was low on options, as the flying chunks of earth left little mobility. Jumping away from another of her punches they were airborne and unprotected. With another explosion Kushina shot another barrage of chains at them, destroying the closest drebis to them. Unable to dodge, Rōzu was grabbed by the chains. Kushina grabbed hold of them and pivoted, swinging them down into the ground.
"It might not be your real body" she watched the dust settle. "But damn does it feel good putting you in the dirt."
"I'm really getting sick of those chains" Rōzu spat up blood and pulled themself up. "But I doubt you can keep this up much longer."
Kushina launched another chain at them, aiming to just spear them through the chest. Rōzu was able to catch this one, they might have failed to do any damage to her, but she was running low on chakra. They slowly began pulling her closer, winding the chain around their arm.
"I won't" Kushina tried to pull back and dig heels in, even with her best current effort she couldn't stop them. "Give up."
"It's your call" Rōzu just kept slowly pulling as she began to unravel. "But unlike you, I'm not a finite amount of chakra. How much more do you have? One, maybe two, more chains?"
"Shut up!" Kushina lashed out with another chain, this one couldn't even reach all the way.
"Oh wow, half a chain huh."
"You think" her body was beginning to fade now as well as the distance between them closed. "You think Naruto will forgive you? I'm his real mother! He'll hate you for killing me again, we both know it!"
"Funny, you didn't think about that when you tried killing me?"
"He never would've known."
They drew a fist back. Kushina flinched, preparing for the hit that would shatter her form for good.
"Yeah he would" Iruka watched as Rōzu pulled her into a hug, the last parts of Kushina faded out in their arms.
With the battle over he went over to them, hoping they wouldn't toss him aside now. The snow began to fall in this zone as well now, covering the scars left by the battle.
"We should get out of here before you're buried by all the snow" he reached out to them in the crater, it was slowly filling with the stuff.
"Snow?" they took his hand and gave him a look. "You think this is all snow?"
"I'm not sure I want to know what it actually is now."
"Wow, who'd would've thought" with his help they were out of the hole. "A question about me you're not dying to hear an answer for. Also uh, how do we get out of here?"
"You know, nobody actually explained that part to me" Iruka had been too busy thinking up something to trick Kushina with to ask. "I assume Fox will get us?"
"Who?"
"Me" the two jumped back in fear as Fox spoke up from behind them.
"Have you be-"
"Yup."
"Why di-"
"Wasn't my business."
"Fine" Iruka probably should have assumed as much. "Can you ta-"
Before he could finish speaking Iruka was back in the senseless void. It didn't feel any better the second time. His eyes snapped open and he tried to stand up, but his body wasn't ready for that.
"AH" all he could do currently was yell and fall to the floor.
"Oh yea, give it a minute or so" Itachi was doing a coloring book on the floor. "Your body has to get used to having you in it again."
He also couldn't stop his screaming, so the few minutes it took for his body to respond again was filled with his yelling. Fox didn't have any issues returning to their body if the lack of falling and yelling was any sign.
"Why am I upside down?" Rōzu was the last to come to, Itachi had apparently not moved their body from how they'd thrown it earlier.
"Who can say?" he put away the colored pencils and book he was using. "But you're welcome for the help."
"Thanks Itachi."
"It was like ninety percent me!" Iruka hadn't been thanked yet.
"I dunno, it seems like it was mostly Itachi to me."
"He didn't even want to go in your head!"
"You got caught in like a minute! All you did was flip a table and yell!"
"Because! You! Didn't let me help!"
"All I did was put you on the floor, so that's a pretty poor excuse."
"For the record, this was also all my plan" Itachi seemed to want more praise.
"It sure sounds like it was mostly Itachi."
"I helped too" Fox held up a hand.
"Sorry I don't know you?"
"Good."
"I would just like my fair share of credit" Iruka was mad even if it was true that he hadn't even done that much.
"Shame" they tried to move but just fell onto the floor.
"Well, bye" Fox headed for the door.
"I'll be leaving as well, I need some sleep."
"Wait do I have to go to work?" they still couldn't move and were just wiggling on the floor. "Also, you're both invited to the party, Itachi you are invited to the party again."
"Probably? And thank you, I'll bring Sasuke" Itachi just shrugged and left.
"I won't be going" Fox offered a shrug of indifference and left as well.
"Shit, Iruka can you pass me the phone."
"Hm, I could."
"You're the asshole here, pass me the phone."
"Why am I the asshole! I helped you get your body back!"
"And you lied to me, twice!"
"Fine" he grumbled to himself and put the phone down by their head.
"I also need you to push the buttons."
"Sounds like I am being very helpful" he made direct eye contact with them as he pushed all the buttons.
"For an asshole, yes, you are."
"Hello?" the Third Hokage answered the phone.
"Hey Boss, so uh, really long story, but I'm gonna be late."
"But you will be in?"
"Yeah once I can move my body."
"Hm, should I ask?"
"Eh, it's not a great story, just a long one. I'll be there in an hour or so though."
"Alright, I won't have to call a temp then. Good luck with your, uh, body issues?"
"Thanks Boss, Iruka hang up the phone please."
"Fine" he picked up the phone and hung it up. "But I'm not going to help you just because you can't move."
"Could you put me in a chair and then say that?"
He grumbled some more but obliged their request. Thanks to Itachi he was free from work for the day, so he decided to stick around and see their return to having a body.
"Ok there is no way" Rōzu was now able to move their legs a little. "There is no fucking way legs were this hard to use."
"Just wait till you can move your arms to try and walk" Iruka had, against his own prior statement, picked them back up twice now.
"That is quitter talk!" they managed to drag themself out of the chair with just their legs alone, but not stand up. "This is progress!"
The next half hour crawled by, accompanied by Rōzu crawling on the floor. They could at least move all their limbs again now, just not particularly well. Iruka just watched, alternating between laughing and offering small bits of help. By the time they could finally stand fully it was only five minutes of their hour to be late. Iruka went back on his words once again and helped them walk to work. Along the way a question came to mind.
"Why did you hug her?" he'd been pretty surprised by it then, but had forgotten in the commotion of getting bodies back.
"What? Oh, I dunno."
"Really?"
"I mean, I guess I know why, but it's a little embarrassing."
"But the past hour of you crawling around wasn't?"
"Ok, you've got me there. I thought it's what you would've done."
"What?" Iruka didn't think they'd tried to emulate him ever. "I wouldn't have, she stole your body and tried to kill us!"
"I mean, yeah that is very true, but I kinda get it you know? She died only getting to hold him once, I don't think anyone would pass up a chance to be with their kid again. It wouldn't have felt right to me, even if I hate her."
"I know what you mean" Iruka had empathized with her before, what she did might have been wrong, but he could understand why she did it. "Still, I don't think I would've hugged her right then."
"Oh don't try and act tough" they punched him, a lot harder than intended. "Shit sorry, not used to having all my strength back."
"All" he wheezed. "Good."
"And I think you would have, as far as I can tell you're still on the fence about me, but you're still kind."
"Whoa there, on the fence is a bit much, you evil schemer you."
"Well this evil schemer appreciates you and your help."
"Are you saying nice things? To me?"
"Well now not anymore, you've ruined the moment jerk" Rōzu took a few shaky steps on their own. "Plus I can get there on my own, I think."
"Well alright, don't push yourself too hard" He turned to head home. "And if you do need help later just call me."
He stopped as they pulled on his arm. Confused, he turned back. It was awkward, but they pulled him close. His eyes widened as their lips met his. As quickly as it happened they pulled away. With that they left him, dazed and alone in the street.