Beyond the Limits

by Doomed-Kelpie

As much as Sans loves his brother, he doesn't think he can take much more of his abuse. But when he finally decides he's had enough, an inter-universal trip forces him to stay alive in a world completely different (and yet the same) as his own. (TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicide attempt, self harm, abuse, depression, panic attacks, violence)

13. Where to Go From Here

Here's the last chapter!

XXX

By late morning, Blue had finished tidying up the house, and since Red was still asleep, he stepped outside for a moment to get the mail. When he came back in, he was surprised to see that Red was no longer on the couch.

"Red?" he called out. "Are you awake?"

Receiving no answer, Blue felt a ball of trepidation form in his heart.

"Red?" he repeated.

Again, nothing. With a sense of deja vu, Blue briefly searched the house before ending up back in front of the bathroom door. He knocked, but despite the continued silence, Blue knew that this was where Red was. And, though he wasn't sure what exactly, he knew something was wrong.

Blue reached out to the doorknob, and, turning it, he found it to be unlocked.

"Red?" he spoke yet again as he pulled the door open.

The scene behind the door left him frozen in shock.

Red was sitting on the floor, large tears rolling down his cheeks as his wide eyes stared back at Blue's own, apparently not having expected him to be here. Worse than the crying, through, was what Blue saw on Red's arms.

They were covered in countless small nicks and chips, some appearing very old while others were actively bleeding. Blue registered the knife in Red's hand a second later, and he recognized it as one from their kitchen drawer. Then, in the next second, Blue realized that Red bleeding, even from small wounds, could be a particularly bad situation, so he [CHECK]ed the other skeleton's health.

[HP: 0.84/1]

Luckily, Red wasn't in immediate danger of dusting, but Blue still knelt down next to him and used some healing magic he'd learned.

[HP: 1/1]

It wasn't until that was done that Blue's thoughts caught up with him and the pieces of what he was seeing fit together. Red was hurting himself. He was chipping his arms with the knife, and it was likely far from the first time he had done so.

"... Red, I…," Blue stumbled. "Are you…"

He wanted to say something, to ask if Red was okay, but he knew he wasn't and found himself speechless. Instead, he reached out for the knife, hoping Red wouldn't try to do anything. Thankfully, Red allowed him to take the knife, and Blue put it out of reach. Though, it might have been less that Red let him take it and more that Red looked like he was frozen in fear.

Blue didn't know what he was supposed to do now. He couldn't think of anything to say that would comfort Red or make the situation any better. He didn't think that pulling Red into a hug he didn't initiate would be a good idea at the moment, even if Red had clung to him last night. Should he try to clean the blood off of Red's arms? Should he call someone, or take Red to a doctor?

He didn't know what to do.

And before he could figure it out, Red teleported away.

XXX

Red had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do in this kind of situation. Back in his own universe, anyone who found him doing this would have likely dusted him. Hell, even Boss probably would have, and he was his brother. Blue wouldn't, he knew that, but he didn't know what Blue would do.

As soon as that door opened, Red knew he had messed up. He was stupid to think that the brothers would have just left him alone after last night, and he was even stupider for forgetting to lock the door.

And now what? He doubted Blue would just let it go. No, he would tell Papyrus, and he would probably try to 'help' him. But he didn't want that. They would probably keep a closer eye on him now, and Papyrus would probably use this as another reason to keep him here. If he tried to kill himself, they would probably stop him. It would even harder than before to do it once he got his nerves back up to try again.

He felt trapped.

He felt scared.

He felt vulnerable.

And he ran.

XXX

Blue's mind became filled with panic as soon as Red disappeared. He forgot that Red could do that, and now Red could be anywhere in the entire underground. And who knew what he would try to do. As such, Blue didn't have any time to waste freaking out. So, with his hands trembling, Blue took out his cellphone.

"PAPY!" he cried into the phone as soon as his brother picked up. "RED, HE- HE WAS ASLEEP AND I WENT TO GET THE MAIL AND WHEN I CAME BACK HE WASN'T ON THE COUCH ANYMORE AND I FOUND HIM IN THE BATHROOM AND HE- HE WAS HURTING HIMSELF AND I TOOK AWAY THE KNIFE AND HEALED HIM BUT HE TELEPORTED AWAY AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS!"

The other end of the line was silent for a moment as Papyrus tried to decipher what his brother had just said.

"Sans, calm down a bit," he said eventually. "I couldn't understand what ya just said."

"RED WAS CHIPPING HIS BONES WITH A KNIFE AND HE TELEPORTED AWAY AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE WENT!" Blue re-explained.

"... Oh shit."

"PAPY, WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT IF HE-" Blue cut himself off.

"Aw, fuck, uh, call Alphys and Undyne," Papyrus instructed. "See if Undyne can find Red on the cameras and ask Alphys if she can help us look for him. You start looking in Snowdin, and I'll go to Waterfall."

Blue could hear Papyrus take a deep breath in over the phone.

"We'll find him, okay?"

"...Okay…"

And with that, Papyrus hung up so they could start the search.

XXX

"Ah, fucking shit," Papyrus cursed as he hung up the phone.

This was bad. This was really bad. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. He knew Red had taken the knife, but he completely misunderstood the reason. He knew that Red had problems! He should have at least considered this possibility! And what if Red was suicidal? Was he going to try to kill himself?

With that thought in mind, Papyrus teleported to Waterfall. The first place he checked was the waterfall in the dump, knowing that a few monsters had jumped to their death there over the years. He didn't find him there, and he hoped that it was because Red hadn't been there and not because he had, and they were already too late.

The next tense half an hour was spent searching and asking anybody they came across if they had seen Red. So far, no one Papyrus asked had seen any skeletons that resembled his brother.

And then, Papyrus's phone rang again. He jumped from the sudden sound and fumbled to answer it.

"Hello?" he questioned urgently.

"Uh, h-hi Papyrus. It's U-Undyne," she told him. "I, uh, I think I found your fr-friend on the cameras?"

"Where is he?" Papyrus asked quickly.

"Um, h-he's… uh, he's in a tree? Like, on a branch. I-in Snowdin."

"Got it. Which tree?"

"N-Near the door to the Ruins," the fish-monster answered. "Uh, you should be able to see him from i-in front of the door…"

Papyrus let out a breath.

"Okay. Thanks Undyne," Papyrus said before hanging up.

Then, he teleported to in front of the Ruins.

Once he was there, it took him a minute, but he eventually saw what looked like a person sitting in the branches of one of the trees. He couldn't see his features from here, but aside from Blue, there wasn't really another monster who looked like Red in the Underground. Well, unless another universe's Sans happened to show up, but he would bet against that.

Sure enough, when Papyrus teleported to the branch himself, he found Red curled up against the trunk and hiding his face in his arms. Or, he was for a second before jolting up in surprise and almost falling off the branch. Papyrus quickly grabbed onto him to keep him from falling off, but as soon as Red found his balance, he shrugged out of his grip and glared up at him.

"FUCK OFF!"

Papyrus put his hands up in a placating gesture.

"I just want to help, Red."

"I don't want your fuckin' help!"

"Hm, yeah, I gathered that," Papyrus spoke, not allowing himself to get angry like last night again. "But what is it that you do want? To go home?"

"I want to be left the hell alone!"

Red's hands were clenched into tight fists.

"I… don't think that's a great idea right now, buddy."

"Like it even fucking matters!"

"Well, I think it does," Papyrus insisted. "And ya know, you might not want help, but that doesn't mean you don't need it."

"And what exactly is your damn help supposed to do?!" Red growled. "The whole reason I'm like this is because my brother fuckin' beats the shit out of me! And when I tried to finally end it, I ended up here instead! And I'm still not happy!"

Papyrus was shocked by Red's admission, but he didn't interrupt like he usually would.

"I just wanted to be done with it! But the only thing I could do to escape was to fuckin' die!" Red yelled. "And I should be happy here because I did get away, and I didn't even have to die to do it! But I'm not happy, and I still want to die! Even though it doesn't even make any goddamn sense because I've spent my whole damn life trying to fuckin' avoid it!"

"Red… I'm not exactly a doctor, but I'm pretty sure you have depression, at the least…," Papyrus cut in. "And you can't exactly control that, and you can't just turn it off when you think you should be able to."

Red let out another exasperated growl. Papyrus rubbed the back of his neck.

"Look, I get that this is a touchy topic, but what's up with being so determined to go home if you were willing to die to escape it?" Papyrus questioned. "I'm really sorry about stalling with the machine, but I still don't get why you want to go back."

"I don't!" Red exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "Or, maybe I do, I don't fuckin' know! But I don't like being told that I can't!"

Red began to scratch at the trunk of the tree, which, though not ideal, was at least better than him starting to pick at his fingers again. Papyrus sighed.

"Sans… I really don't want to control you. I keep insisting that you stay because I don't want you to go back to getting hurt like that…," spoke Papyrus. "If you really want to go back, I won't stop you, but…"

Papyrus fell silent, and the two of them didn't speak for a while. Just in case, he kept an eye on the smaller skeleton so that, if he tried to teleport again, he would be able to hold onto Red and teleport with him.

It was a long time before Red finally spoke up again.

"I… Even after all this damn shit and everything he did…," Red started. "I actually kinda miss him…"

Red covered his face with his hands.

"I know that, even if I go back, he'll probably just beat me up again. Hell, he might even just dust me!" Red continued. "But I keep thinking that he might stop… That, maybe, he'd be glad I'm not dead or something! Even though I know that's a load of bullshit!"

Papyrus waited for him to keep going.

"Ugh, and I'm even started to feel bad for fuckin' disappearing! I mean, I wasn't planning on returning anyway, but… Ugh!"

"... You know, you shouldn't feel guilty for leaving someone who abuses you," Papyrus told him. "You don't owe him anything."

"Ha, even though he's my brother?"

"Yes, Sans, even though he's your brother," Papyrus agreed. "Of course, family is important, but being biologically related isn't enough to be family. And if he's hurting you, then he has only himself to blame if he loses you. Actions, regardless of reason, have consequences, and sometimes the consequences are losing someone."

"But he raised me. Don't I owe him something for that?"

"Nope. Not if he mistreats you."

Red ran a hand across his face in frustration.

"Ha. It's hard to believe you're supposed to be him."

"Yeah, well, different universe, ya know."

"... But what if he really does miss me? What if he's sorry?"

"Well… when I fix the machine, you can go see? If he's sorry and changes how he treats you, it might help you feel better. And if he's the same or tries to hurt you again, you're always welcome here. Hell, even if he is sorry, you can still stay here and just visit him if ya want."

"... But what if he's sorry and I don't want to forgive him?"

"Then don't forgive him. You don't owe people forgiveness, even if they've changed."

"..."

"... Do you want to forgive him?"

"... I don't know. Not really. I don't even know if I can," Sans answered. "But I feel like I should. If he changes, I mean."

"Well, you're allowed to feel however you feel," spoke Papyrus. "Whether you forgive him or not, or whether you can or not, or even if your feelings change."

"... I still feel like I want to die."

Papyrus almost flinched.

"... I know. You're not gonna get better over the course of a conversation. But you don't have to feel that way forever, and you probably won't," he replied. "You might not be able to get better on your own, but you can get better. It might take a while, but you can."

"... What if hurting myself is what makes me feel better?"

Red looked determinedly away as he said this.

"Sans, you know that that's not a healthy coping mechanism," Papyrus said pointedly. "And it's dangerous for any monster, let alone one with low HP. Which isn't to mock you or call you weak. Your HP is what it is, and it's just easier for you to lose all of it than it is for other monsters."

"... I know how to control how much damage I do…"

"Even so," Papyrus continued "It's still dangerous, and accidents can happen… And does it actually make you happy? 'Cuz you aren't happy, are you?"

Sans growled but didn't deny what Papyrus said. Papyrus held out a hand, letting Red take it on his own.

"Look, you don't need to figure everything out today or even soon," he told Sans. "But for right now, let's just try to keep you safe okay?"

Sans slowly reached out to accept Papyrus's hand.

"... Well, what now then?"

"Well, my bro's pretty worried about ya, and Alphys and Undyne will want to know we found ya and you're okay. Relatively, at least," he replied. "So, for now, why don't we go home and figure out where to go from there?"

Sans stared out at the forest, mulling it over.

"...Okay."

XXXZ

And that's the end of this fic (unless I decide to do some kind of sequel, but I start way too many things, so I'm not too keen on doing that).

I kind of wanted Blueberry and Undyne to have a bigger part in this fic, and I think I got more of Blue in there toward the end, but I just couldn't think of anything to do with Undyne that would take up more than her role here. If I do end up doing a sequel, though, I would definitely include her in it more. I tried to explore Red's relationship with his own Undyne more through US!Alphys since it's Underswap, but it would be interesting to explore it with US!Undyne too.

Anyway, I decided to write this fic (which I actually did over the summer) because a lot of stuff like this I see with UF!Sans having a happy ending includes some kind of making-up with his brother and I wanted to write a story where that doesn't really happen. 'Cuz, I don't know, I think that if you're gonna go with the idea of UF!Papyrus abusing the Hell out of Red, it's gonna take a lot for him to be forgiven.

Idk. I tried my best, and I hope ya'll enjoyed reading.

Bye!