How is everybody doing this weekend? This last week has been so hectic, but it's finally the weekend, and it's Halloween! There's a full moon tonight, so take advantage of it if you can. I know I'm going to try.
Here we are with the new chapter, and I feel like I did more research for this one and the one after it than I have in a very long time. But I will confess that I don't study these things, so these are a layman's understanding, sadly.
But there's insight into many of the characters here, and we see Athelstan's feelings for Lilith growing and changing. I hope you like it.
More at the bottom. Enjoy!
It is You
Athelstan woke in the small bed alone, seeing that the fire had died down to embers and then realizing Lilith was not the bed with him. He rose up to his elbows, feeling a piece of parchment rub against his chest before he reached down and picked it up. He recognized Lilith's elegant handwriting instantly, also realizing that she'd written him a note in Latin, which nearly no one else in Kattegat could speak or read.
Non esse fugax hodie. Erit apud hunc. Ut in capite tuo.
"Do not be shy today," he read aloud. "You will be in good hands. Keep your head up."
He smiled easily, remembering all those Latin lessons he'd sat through with her and prouder than he would admit that it hadn't all been in vain. The house around him was quiet, and he sat up to grab his tunic before he stepped outside to get more firewood. Helga and Floki were nowhere to be seen, and neither was Lilith. Athelstan thought it was strange, but he didn't question it, gathering more wood for the fire inside and then picking up his boots so he could walk down to the beach.
It was just barely light out as he followed the path from the hut to the beach. He realized that might be why he was out here alone. That was when he heard the sharp whistling coming from the alcove where Lilith usually fished without her spears.
He followed the sound, finding her sitting in the water in the same dress she wore the day before doing this exact thing. Athelstan watched her, mesmerized by her hands and her mouth and her eyes that smiled when she caught a new fish. It didn't look like she had to do anything really. They just swam to her, and she picked them up to put in her basket. They didn't flop like live fish usually did after being taken out of the water. They lay, one on top of the other, resigned to their fate. As a monk, he would have been terrified of such a display. But now, he was only amazed by her.
Already she had over a dozen fish in her basket, collecting two more as he watched, and he realized what she was doing. "You know I'm probably going to be the one paying a dowry in this case," he said, startling her a little as her head snapped up to see him there.
"Dowry?" she asked. She paused, and then she nodded. "Oh. Right. Well, this isn't for that. This is for the food I know we will need for a feast to please all the other men who will surely be upset that they won't be marrying me."
He stepped closer to her, reaching for her hand and helping her to her feet as she still stood in the water. She leaned up and kissed him gently, squeezing his hand and leaning back to look at him. "So," she said. "Are you ready for this?"
Athelstan took a deep breath, and she laughed softly before he did. "I'm ready, Lili. But I have nothing to give your father, and I know that won't go over well with the men in town."
Lilith sighed, following his pull to the side of the alcove and then grabbing her basket so they could walk away from the water together. "I'm sure my father will already have something in mind for you to do," she said. "As you said, he has probably been planning this for a while now. And it doesn't matter what those other men say, does it?"
He laughed then as well. "No, I suppose it doesn't. And Ragnar won't care about them either. I was only concerned with it a little. I'm sure he'll put my concerns to rest."
Lilith squeezed his hand, following him away from the beach and then back onto the trail that would take them to Floki's hut. They stopped there to get her shoes and his cloak before setting off to town.
Before they even reached the edge of town, Athelstan thought about what Ragnar had said the day before. He'd encouraged Athelstan to do something that at the time had seemed impossible. There had been no way of knowing it would turn out like this, but it was a good outcome. Whether anyone other than Ragnar believed that would be up to all the gods.
Lilith seemed to realize that she was still wearing the thin dress she fished in when they passed the first set of houses, and she grabbed his cloak to cover up before they reached the center square and turned south to make it to the Great Hall where breakfast should have been served by now.
Gyda saw them first, rising from her spot beside Ragnar and hurrying to embrace them. "Finally!" she exclaimed. "I have been going crazy waiting for the two of you to come back. Come! There is still food left for you."
She took them both by the hands, pulling them to the table and purposefully sitting them down in front of Ragnar before she returned to her father's side.
"Well," Ragnar said, eyeing them both suspiciously and expectantly. He looked at Athelstan. "You were gone for quite some time. I take it that your talk went well." He looked at Lilith, grinning slightly. "And you look . . . well-rested, my daughter."
Lilith blushed when Athelstan looked at her, and he took her hand in his before he looked at everyone else at the table, thankful that it was just their family and Torstein.
"We did talk," he said to Ragnar. "I told Lili what you said, and I told her she was free to choose whatever or whomever she wanted."
Ragnar lifted his eyebrows, leaning closer and grinning wider. "And?"
Athelstan bit his lip, bowing his head just a little. "And she chose me."
Gyda reacted first, reaching across the table for their hands to take both of theirs in hers. "I knew it! This is wonderful! I'm happy for you both. Father, we should celebrate at once."
The grin on Ragnar's face had grown to a genuine smile, and he reached for Lilith's hands as well, holding them in his as he spoke to her. "Yes, we should celebrate. And you, my daughter. Is this truly what you want? You are so young, and you have so many years ahead of you. Do you truly wish to spend the rest of those years with this man?"
She looked at Athelstan, not hesitating even a little as she answered him. "I'm sure," she declared. "I've had him with me my whole life. I'm ready to spend the rest of it with him."
He leaned close to her without thinking, kissing her just once before Ragnar spoke.
"All right, all right! Enough of that at the breakfast table. Wife," he said to Aslaug who had watched silently despite the smile on her face. "What do you think?"
She didn't say anything for half a moment before she laughed softly. "I think it is wonderful. A good match. We should start planning as soon as we can, and step-daughter, I will make a new dress for you. The finest dress, only befitting the daughter of an Earl. We should announce it today, as well, I think. Don't you, husband?"
Ragnar nodded. "Yes. Torstein, have everyone gathered in the Great Hall before noon. We will announce it to everyone and begin preparations. For King Horik and Jarl Borg will arrive soon, and we must have everything ready before we sail to England."
He looked at Torstein, and his old friend nodded. Torstein reached for Athelstan's hand, taking it firmly and nodding his blessing.
"May the gods bless you both," he said softly.
Athelstan nodded, acknowledging his words.
"Lili, my sister," Gyda said, "you must allow me to make your bridal crown for you. It will be the most beautiful bridal crown we can make. And it will be made of glass flowers and precious metals."
"Gyda, that would be too much. I couldn't — "
"I insist. Please. We have been sisters for long enough that this is the best gift I can give you. Especially after what you have done for me."
Lilith bowed her head then, biting her lip gently. "All right. If you insist. I would be honored."
Gyda sat up straighter, her hazel eyes glimmering in the light of the Hall.
It was quiet for one short moment before Ubbe spoke as he sat beside Lilith.
"Does that mean I can get new clothes too for the wedding?" he asked, first looking at Lilith and then his mother.
Lilith laughed softly, pulling him in her arms and then sitting him on her lap. She looked at Aslaug, who simply sighed.
"We will see, Ubbe. This will be a special occasion for your step-sister and Athelstan. We wouldn't want to take away from their happiness."
When Lilith looked at Athelstan, he reached for Ubbe, stroking his hair gently. "I wouldn't mind if Ubbe got new clothes for the wedding," he said. "In fact, I think it would be a wonderful idea."
Aslaug bowed her head, still smiling and relenting a little. "I appreciate your graciousness," she said. "And you are always so kind. And for that, we will compromise and make you new clothes instead, on this occasion."
Athelstan blushed and bowed his head again.
"All right, then, it is decided," Ragnar declared. "My daughter will be married in three weeks time, to this man, Athelstan. And it will be the most lavish wedding this town has ever seen. I will leave the details to my lovely wife, and my youngest daughter, Gyda."
The happiness couldn't be wiped off Gyda's face as she went on eating her food. Athelstan found food for him and Lilith, pouring cups of ale for them as she kept Ubbe in her lap. He took a deep breath, thankful that this part was finished but prepared for the next part which would surely not be so easy.
Once the food was gone, Aslaug bid Lilith to go with her so she could bathe before the assembly. Ragnar left his side of the table as they left, moving around to Athelstan's side as he took over watching Ubbe and Hvitserk.
"So, tell me, my friend," he whispered. "What was it like?"
Athelstan stared for a minute. "What was what like?" he asked.
Ragnar raised his eyebrows again, nodding to Torstein who moved closer. "Do not make us wait," he urged. "Marriage proposals are usually the best stories."
It took Athelstan another minute to realize what his meaning was. He blushed, stammering a little. "Oh. It wasn't like that. I mean, I — We kissed, yes. And she told me how she felt . . . about me and about us. But we didn't . . . We both want to wait."
"Why?" Torstein questioned. "She said she would marry you. What more is there to wait on?"
"Well — I mean, up until yesterday, I hadn't really known how she felt about me. And I didn't really see her as a woman until not so long ago. I want to see her like this for a little while before we do anything like that."
Ragnar grinned a little wider, tilting his head away so he could look across the way to the long house where the women had disappeared to. He didn't say anything, allowing Torstein to continue teasing Athelstan in good nature.
"But didn't it feel right to do it when she agreed to marry you?" he pressed. "You've been looking at her like that for months, Athelstan. How could you — either of you not want to give in to the gods' will? How?"
Athelstan shook his head just once. "I want us to have time, and she agrees. Being close to her now is enough, and when it's time, we will both be ready."
Torstein sighed heavily, clapping his hand over Athelstan's shoulder, squeezing him tightly. "You truly are a strong man, Priest. I don't think any man could look at her the way you do and show such restraint. It seems the gods have truly blessed you, my friend."
"Athelstan has always been blessed," Ragnar said in all seriousness. "Ever since I met him, the gods have blessed him. Just as they always blessed Lilith. That is why they will make such blessed children."
Athelstan blushed at Ragnar's words, thinking the same thing he had those few months earlier when he'd realized how he felt for Lilith. That Ragnar believed the same thing only made him feel lighter and better about everything that had happened so far. Whether anyone else in town liked what was about to happen didn't matter to Athelstan. All that mattered to him now was how Lilith felt, and he already knew that.
"Allright," Ragnar said and stood up. He gestured for Athelstan to face him. "We must prepare you as well. You probably need a bath, and I have something different for you to wear to the assembly. When was your last Thing? Nearly four years ago?"
Athelstan nodded, remembering when Ragnar had given him his arm ring and made him a free man.
"Well, that is far too long in my opinion. Torstein, wouldn't you say that is too long to go between Things?"
Torstein nodded, rubbing his chin as he followed them toward the back of the Great Hall. "Yes, that is far too long, Ragnar. We should definitely prepare him for this."
With them both at his side, Athelstan couldn't help feeling a little wary of their words, and when they saw how he looked at them, they both just laughed and guided him away from the main gathering hall of the building.
Nearly the entire town had assembled in the Great Hall by noon, filing in as word of a new gathering reached them all in short order. It wasn't just the men, but many women also came with their children, adding to the clamor as Athelstan watched from the side where Torstein had guided him after being sufficiently bathed and clothed to look as good as he possibly could under the circumstances. He hadn't understood why it was so important for him to dress this way until he saw Gyda and Aslaug guide Lilith with Edda and Þórunn into the Great Hall in much the same manner he had been. It was then that he realized they were both the only two in the entire Hall wearing white.
She seemed to notice the same thing he did, smiling slightly as Ragnar came through the crowd and climbed the steps to his chair. Aslaug joined him after a moment, glancing at Athelstan and smiling as well before she sat in her own chair.
"As you all know," Ragnar called over the Hall to quiet them, "my beautiful wife is expecting a new child very soon, and this child promises to be a very special one indeed. It will bring us all much joy for the future, but that is not why we are gathered here today." He paused and reached for Lilith, glancing at Athelstan before he took Lilith under his arm. "As many of you have noticed, I still have two beautiful, unmarried daughters who are as independent as their mother was when I met her. Normally, it is customary to make alliances and treaties by marrying our daughters to someone else's sons. But in the case of both my daughters, I elected to give them the choice of their own husbands, if and when that day came, and I am happy to announce that today is that day for my eldest daughter Lilith.
"Today, she has made her choice known to me and her step-mother, and with our blessing, she has chosen to marry someone you should all be familiar with, as he is also a very valuable member of my household. Athelstan," Ragnar said and reached for him. Once he was close enough, Ragnar took him under his other arm. "My daughter Lilith has chosen this man to be her husband, and in three weeks time, they will be married. And we will have the most lavish celebration for them this town has ever seen. I know many of you have inquired about this, and this is the answer you have all be waiting for. And I know you will all join me in giving them both your best wishes and blessings of the gods."
Athelstan could not hide his surprise when nearly everyone in the Hall first began clapping and then cheering before some of them finally began shouting happily. He could do nothing to hide the smile on his face when he looked at Lilith to see her smiling as well, but before he could take her hand, Ragnar spoke again.
"And let us not forget that Jarl Borg and King Horik will arrive in the next few weeks as Spring begins and we prepare ourselves for the journey back to England," he reminded them. "We will soon have much to celebrate, so let us not wait another moment to begin. You all know your jobs! Do not disappoint me!"
That appeared to end the assembly, which hadn't lasted long at all, but instead of leaving abruptly, many people came forward to give Athelstan and Lilith their blessings. He couldn't hide his astonishment that quite a few of them were the same men who had been visiting Ragnar in the last few weeks, more than likely inquiring about this very thing. So Ragnar had known Athelstan's feelings long before he had, just like he'd said. He had only been waiting for Athelstan to say when it was time.
Athelstan knew nothing of betrothal ceremonies, or wedding ceremonies for that matter, and Ragnar didn't seem to see the need to educate him in such things. When the last person offered their blessings and the Great Hall emptied of most of the people gathered there, Ragnar held Athelstan and Lilith closer to him, speaking softly so only they heard him.
"My daughter," he said, "Athelstan says that the two of you have not . . . had relations, and he says you both wish to wait for your wedding night to do so. Is this true?"
The blush in Lilith's cheeks was so deep that she looked almost the same color as the dress she'd been wearing the day before. She glanced at Athelstan, taking a breath before she answered him. "Yes, Father. It is true."
He squeezed her gently. "It is all right," he assured her. "It is strange, but if that is what you wish, then it's all right. We'll just need to adjust the sleeping arrangements we've had as of late. I know you both need to spend time together, and you will. Go on and eat. I'll speak with my wife, and we'll come to a decision that benefits us all. Go on," he said, nudging them away and waiting until Athelstan took Lilith's hand to turn away and sit down with Aslaug.
Suddenly, they were face to face, and Lilith couldn't lift her head to look at him.
"What's wrong?" he whispered.
She shook her head. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong. That's just it. For the first time in my life," she said and finally looked up at him, "everything is perfect. And I'm afraid. I'm afraid something will happen. Something will go wrong."
Athelstan cupped her face between his hands, relieved for once that he didn't have to worry about hiding the way he held her or spoke to her. "Nothing will go wrong. I swear. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Not for a while. Come on, let's go get something to eat like Ragnar said. I'm sure whatever conditions we have to follow will be made soon enough."
He took her hands in his and smiled, pulling her through the crowd that still filled the Hall to a table where they could sit down.
Gyda found them as she carried Hvitserk and pulled Ubbe behind her, sitting down with them and waving at one of the servants so they would bring some food. Once the bowls were on the table, none of them spoke. Athelstan shared his food with the boys, and Gyda continued to give him and Lilith both her little smiles as she shared her food with her sister. It seemed now that this new development had been revealed, all the uncertainty that had built up was gone and had been replaced with this new relativity they would now have to get used to again.
The food was gone before the Great Hall had emptied out enough that Athelstan could see Ragnar and Aslaug still talking. Every few minutes, Ragnar would look across the Hall at him, and then Aslaug would as well. There was no way to know what they were discussing, but whatever it was, Athelstan had a feeling it wouldn't be anything he liked. When they were finished, it was Aslaug who stood up and moved across the Hall to where he was sitting with Lilith and Gyda.
"Ragnar and I have both decided that under the circumstances, it would be best that while you and Lilith may continue to spend your days training and learning, your nights will be spent apart for the sake of maintaining the purity of your union," she announced without pausing. Then she sat down to be in front of Athelstan and Lilith. "I expressed to Ragnar that since you were both brought up differently than the rest of us, it would be best for us to respect this choice you have made. And I wanted you both to know how much I admire your devotion to each other. It isn't always easy to remain so under such extreme circumstances. Athelstan, for the next three weeks, until the wedding day, you will be staying with Torstein after supper and will return here for breakfast."
He looked at Lilith, taking her hand in his and sighing relieved before he turned back to Aslaug. "I understand. And I agree. Though I can't say I'll enjoy it much. I'd gotten used to sharing a bed with Lili."
She slapped his arm lightly, and he laughed softly, caressing her cheek and kissing her forehead. When he looked back at Aslaug and saw her smile, it was his turn to blush.
"I am happy for you both," Aslaug almost gushed. "Truly. And this time will pass by so quickly that it will be time to be married before you know it. And Lilith, my dear step-daughter, I will need your help making the new clothes for your husband-to-be. We will begin tonight after supper."
Lilith couldn't seem to stop smiling. "All right," she agreed.
"Now," Aslaug said and stood up. "I'm sure there are some reading lessons to be done, and I know Ubbe and Hvitserk have been waiting patiently for this afternoon so they can continue their writing lessons. Everything is waiting in the long house if you all wish to go now."
She bowed her head before she left to rejoin Ragnar across the Hall. The Earl looked in Athelstan's direction, grinning and nodding toward the long house before he turned his attention to his own wife.
Athelstan took that as his cue, rising as well and pulling Lilith to her feet. "Well, training has pretty much been ruined for the day," he said, and he didn't mind that one bit. "Let's all go get some reading in before supper."
Hvitserk jumped up first, reaching for Gyda as she stood up, and Ubbe climbed onto the seat so Lilith to lift him in her arms. She smiled and turned back to Athelstan, taking his hand and following him out of the Great Hall. People still watched them as they went by them, but now that he knew why, it made their looks a little more bearable. Maybe this would all be better than he had originally believed.
Aslaug had been right to say that the weeks would pass by so quickly that it would feel like no time at all. The first day began early like every other day before it, but when Athelstan woke up in Torstein's small house, he remembered everything that had happened before. He remembered proposing, and he remembered Lilith accepting. He remembered they were getting married, and he felt his heart swell until it might burst out of his chest. He'd never known he could be this happy, considering how his life had started out. He'd never believed he and Lilith would end up in a place that would become more of a home to them than any other place could possibly have been. Now that it had happened, Athelstan never wanted it to change.
Torstein was insufferable as he and Athelstan walked through town to the long house to collect Lilith and Gyda for their training.
"This is the last little bit of your single, unattached life, Priest," he teased, punching Athelstan's arm lightly. "I just might have to make sure you enjoy it while you still can."
Athelstan blushed worse than he had when Torstein and Ragnar had teased him the day before. He knew where all of their teasing would lead, and he didn't have to heart to tell them how all their prodding was misdirected since his innocence had been all but stripped away the last seven years living in this place. And because of Lagertha.
He still thought of her when it was quiet, and he heard a stray set of horse hooves, thinking maybe she had come back for him and Lilith. But four years had gone by, and they had heard nothing of her. In his heart, and for his and Lilith's sake, he prayed she was still alive and that she was safe. He hadn't loved her the way he loved Lilith, but he had cared for her as only someone in his situation could have. Surely, his God and all of hers would keep her and Bjorn safe.
Lilith and Gyda were waiting at the front of the long house, dressed for training and also holding Ubbe and Hvitserk in their arms as the boys also wore smaller versions of training clothes.
"Aslaug has asked that we watch the boys while we're training this morning," Gyda said. "Never too early to learn to swing a sword, she says."
Athelstan smiled as soon as Lilith handed Ubbe to him, and he glanced over the shirt and pants she wore, having never seen them on her before now. "You certainly look comfortable," he commented. He leaned closer to kiss her, and she reciprocated easily.
"I am comfortable," she confirmed. "I can't very well train in a skirt, now can I?"
He laughed softly, blushing again. "No, of course not."
They all walked down to the beach slowly, arriving to find just a few of the others fighting and shooting arrows. Torstein didn't wait, finding an ax for him and then handing one to Lilith. Gyda sat down with Hvitserk, beckoning Athelstan to her side with Ubbe.
"You know, I always believed we would be family one day," Gyda said as she sat next to him. "Of course, that day came many years ago. But now it will be official. You will be my brother, Athelstan. I hope you're ready for that."
Athelstan laughed again. "You make that sound much more ominous than it should at this stage in our relationship," he chuckled.
"You will see," she shrugged, and that was it.
After watching Lilith train with Torstein for almost an hour, he nodded for Gyda to come and take her place. Lilith sat down beside Athelstan, out of breath and glistening with sweat, and something deep inside him wanted to see her like this every day even when she wasn't training. It surprised him a little, but then she looked at him in the midst of rebraiding her hair, and he just wanted to kiss her until he couldn't anymore.
"Torstein!" Ubbe shouted. "I want a bow and arrow too!"
It almost broke the man's concentration, but he put down his ax when Gyda did, kneeling and beckoning Ubbe to him.
"It will be your turn very soon, Little Man," Torstein assured him. "For right now, you watch your sisters and Athelstan, and when you've watched enough, I will show you how to shoot a bow and arrow. Hmm?"
Ubbe almost frowned, but then he nodded, hurrying back to Athelstan and climbing into his lap.
Athelstan had to hold the little boy in front of him carefully, embarrassed at how he'd reacted to seeing Lilith the way she looked now. It wasn't shame. Not really. But he wanted to have some kind of control over his body, or this whole thing about waiting until the wedding night would never work.
After the ax training, Torstein brought the girls their own bows along with a few arrows for them to shoot. Athelstan sat with Ubbe and Hvitserk, still watching even if he knew it would be his turn soon enough. As they all stood on the beach, more men and women who had been training with them came to the beach to do their own training. Many of the men were dressed like Torstein, but with their shirts undone like they were trying to get someone's attention. Quite a few of them women were dressed like Lilith and Gyda, and they weren't as subtle as the men, swinging their swords and axes and glancing back at him like they wanted him to watch them.
He only saw Lilith. Every time she aimed her bow, her back pulled taut, and his fingers itched to touch her. The breeze loosened strands of her hair even after she pulled it back up, and he could only think about running his hands through it. The string of her bow kissed her lips as she pulled her arrow to her to shoot, and he thought of those lips on his and only his. Now that he'd kissed her, it was all he wanted to do.
"Soon," Torstein said as he gathered up the arrows, "you'll be ready to throw a spear, and by the gods, no one will be able to stop you then."
"I already know how to throw a spear," she argued.
Before she could move away from the target they'd been using for arrows, Torstein picked up a steel-tipped spear, aiming and throwing it in her direction. It barely missed her, slamming into the target with a hard thud and startling her as well as Gyda. Athelstan hurried to her even as she turned to Torstein with her jaws clenched.
"You've used a fishing spear, stubborn girl," Torstein reminded her, undeterred by her sudden anger. "Using a spear to kill a man is completely different."
Lilith huffed, turning to Athelstan and revealing a tear in her shirt. "A little warning would be nice next time," she complained.
Athelstan pushed out a heavy breath with her, retrieving the spear from the target. "I think that was his point, Lili," he said. When he turned back to her, her arms were crossed over her chest stubbornly, showing him her bare shoulder and the hollow between her collarbones.
He swallowed visibly, gripping the spear even as Torstein spoke. "That's enough for today for the girls. Priest, it's your turn. We will start with the bow. Come."
Once Athelstan's arms and back were sufficiently sore from his bow and the sword Torstein had him swing, it was time for lunch. They were gathering up Ubbe and Hvitserk to go back to the long house when Aslaug came to them with Edda and Kindra carrying a large basket and a blanket that looked new.
"If it pleases you," she said and gestured for Edda to give the basket to him, "I have asked Ragnar if you may take the boys to the waterfalls for the afternoon, and he has agreed that you, Athelstan, will take his children to spend the rest of the day there. But he requests that you are all back before supper."
Surprised, Athelstan held the basket and glanced at Lilith before he answered. "Of course," he agreed. "I know the boys will enjoy spending time at the waterfalls."
Aslaug smiled slightly. "As I am certain my step-daughters will as well. Go on. It is just the right light for you to enjoy it until dusk."
She nodded to Kindra as she carried the blanket, gesturing to Gyda, and once that was done, Aslaug turned and left them there with a knowing smile on her face.
Torstein stepped up behind Athelstan, whispering even as he laughed. "And you thought I was being subtle," he teased.
Athelstan glanced back at him, still blushing and wishing he had better command over his reactions to everyone who kept doing this. He turned to Lilith as she held Ubbe and then Gyda as she held Hvitserk. "Well, I guess this means we're going swimming. How does that sound, Ubbe? Hvitserk?"
"Let's go!" Ubbe cried.
That settled it, and once Torstein had moved off the train with another man, they all left the beach.
Since they had all been to the waterfalls before, halfway there, Gyda and Lilith let the boys run ahead of them. Inside the blanket, they found linens that would keep them covered in the water, and when they arrived, Gyda gave the blanket to Athelstan so she and Lilith could change in private.
Athelstan wasn't sure what to expect, laying the blanket out and helping the boys with their clothes before he took off his own tunic and was about to remove his pants when Gyda and Lilith came out of their hiding spot with their clothes in their hands. The linens turned out to be strips just wide enough to cover their breasts and between their legs. Athelstan felt his mouth go dry as he stared at them both, having not seen either of them dressed this way even if they'd been coming here the last several years.
"Athelstan, you are staring," Gyda chided, pulling her hair down as she walked passed him to where Ubbe and Hvitserk were already wading into the water. She joined them, swimming out into the first pool with them in her arms.
Athelstan couldn't take his eyes off Lilith, watching her take her braid down and suddenly wanting to do it himself. She smiled as she pulled at her hair, stepping closer to him as he stared.
"I suppose it's quite shocking," she giggled. "But I thought we were already used to such things. If what we did at the springs was any indication."
When he didn't respond, she took his shoulders in her hands, shaking him just a little. "Breathe, Athelstan," she commanded gently. "It's just me."
Again, he swallowed, looking over her body and knowing he wouldn't be able to hide himself from her if he removed his pants. "I know," he croaked out. He cleared his throat then and spoke as loud as he could. "I know. It's just — We wanted to wait, but if I keep looking at you like that, I will not want to wait much longer."
She laughed softly, lifting his chin and then cupping his face so he had to look at her when she spoke. "It's all right," she assured him. "I feel the same way. Every time I look at you, I want to kiss you. I want to touch you. I want to be with you. But we promised each other, and I always keep my promises. So do you."
Her words calmed him considerably, even if they did nothing to stop his body from reacting to being close to her. She kissed him but only lightly before she reached for his waist and the strings of his pants.
"We can do this like we did that night," she suggested. "Or I can promise not to look until you're in the water. You only have to tell me which one."
Athelstan blushed again, bowing his head until his forehead was on her shoulder. He lifted his own hands to her waist, rubbing her skin and holding her closer before he lifted his head so his lips were aligned with hers. "Lili," he whispered.
"Yes?"
"Take my pants off."
While he expected her to hesitate, when she didn't, Athelstan wasn't surprised, feeling the strings holding his pants together come undone before the heavy fabric loosened around him and caused him to suck in a deep breath.
"Does it hurt?" Lilith asked urgently.
"No," he assured her. "It's just — Pressure."
"Oh."
He caught her smile before she pushed the waist of his pants from his hips and then further down without her eyes leaving his. Since he'd already removed his boots, once his pants were at his ankles, he only had to step out of them to be naked. So that's what he did.
He stood there with Lilith in front of him for more than a minute, his heart racing and his skin flushed and tingling. He thought she might just nudge him away to the water without looking at him, but that's not what she did. Instead of turning him away, she claimed his shoulders again and stepped back, looking down at his cock.
It was true that in the last several years of her life, she had been in a place where men and women often paraded around naked during feasts and celebrations. When she had been a child, he had tried his best to protect her from seeing the other monks around her, even though it hadn't been difficult at all. None of the other monks had wanted to be anywhere near her when she had begun to look like something other than a little girl. Athelstan had even worked to protect her eyes from him in that way. A monastery had been no place for such things.
But here, it was normal. The men had no reservations about being naked, and neither did the women. Several of the women, in fact, had often tried to engage with him in their nakedness. And when Thyri had tried to do it during the festival at Uppsala, Athelstan had nearly given in. It had only been with Lagertha that he'd succumbed, and even then, he had felt so guilty the first time that he thought it might crush him. Though it had only happened one other time, he still felt that same guilt for what they'd done.
So when Lilith looked upon his naked body, Athelstan thought he would feel the same guilt, but he didn't. He thought when she looked at him that she would not think anything of it, because she had been looking at naked men since she was thirteen. But when she smiled and bit her lip, looking up at him and squeezing his shoulders, he wasn't embarrassed anymore. He didn't think it would make him happy to see her pleased by what she saw, but she was, and it made him happy.
"Now," she said. "Let's get in the water."
She took his hands in hers, and together, they waded into the water where Gyda was treading with Ubbe and Hvitserk.
"Well, finally," she huffed. "I thought I was going to have to cover the boys' eyes for a minute there. Both of you, take Ubbe. I will keep up with Hvitserk."
Athelstan laughed, reaching for Ubbe and pulling him onto his back so he could swim out into the pool away from them. After a minute or two, Lilith was beside him, swimming with him until they reached the other side of the pool.
When Ubbe declared he was hungry, Athelstan decided it was time for them to stop for lunch. Gyda and Lilith carried the boys back to the bank, helping them with their pants, and just before he came out of the water, Lilith tossed his own pants to him. He wasn't so self-conscious about being naked anymore, but he dressed himself before he sat down and opened the basket to see what food was inside.
Though Aslaug had packed them cured meat, bread and fruit, Hvitserk adamantly wanted something fresh. Thankfully, there were fish in the pool closest to the waterfall, and Athelstan was able to find what he needed to build a small fire. Once Hvitserk was content, they all laid back to enjoy the food and the quiet.
For nearly a week, they did this every day, training in the morning while the boys watched and then going to the waterfalls to go swimming. Their reading and writing lessons became shorter in the evenings since Athelstan had to leave with Torstein after supper, but he still showed Ubbe and Hvitserk new words and shapes. Aslaug and Ragnar were adamant in the end about making sure it wasn't too late when Athelstan left, and though he understood and agreed, he still didn't like leaving Lilith. He'd gotten used to feeling her warmth at night, and he missed it more than he thought he would.
Two weeks before the wedding, Torstein began training Lilith to throw a spear. They used the same targets as they had with the bow and arrows, and they used the same space on the beach. On those days, Athelstan made sure to keep Ubbe and Hvitserk close to him, even if it looked like her aim was much better than he expected it to be.
In stead of going swimming after training, Ubbe and Hvitserk wanted to explore the woods since it was getting warmer during the day. Gyda began wanting to train on her own, even though she said she wouldn't be going with her father, so it was just Lilith with him and the boys walking along the trails around town. Athelstan tried to make their walks into a lesson, pointing out the birds and insects. A few times, they had to side-step a snake or two, but Lilith would find a little one that wasn't poisonous and show it to Ubbe while he was in her arms.
Athelstan always watched her, always marveled at her fearlessness, and he always loved how she wanted the boys to be fearless as well.
"You must always be gentle with the little ones," Lilith said to Ubbe as she let the garden snake slither onto a tree nearby. "They are just as afraid of you as you are of them. Remember that."
He nodded, and she kept walking, glancing back at Athelstan as he carried Hvitserk on his shoulders. She smiled at him, and then he smiled back, following her closely.
When they made it back to town, it was just early enough for Lilith to help with supper, so while she did that, Athelstan carried both the boys to the Great Hall where Ragnar and Torstein were sitting around the fire.
Almost as soon as he sat down with them and let the boys go to their father, Torstein teasingly threw his hand up in front of his face.
"By the gods, Ragnar," he cried. "I thought the sun had gone down! Who let this glowing man inside the Great Hall?"
Ragnar laughed softly holding Ubbe as he smiled at Athelstan. "You look happy, my friend. Did you have a good walk this afternoon?"
"We did," Athelstan declared, reaching for Ubbe and laughing when the boy sat on his leg. "I'm surprised the weather has stayed as long as it has. I would have expected a Spring snow by now."
"Oh, don't worry about that," Ragnar commented. "Not long after you invoke her name, Skaði makes her last appearance before Spring."
Only an hour later, Aslaug came to the Great Hall with Lilith and Gyda and her servants with the food, and they all sat at a make-shift table next to the fire to eat.
"It is colder now than it was when we began cooking," Aslaug informed them. "I believe we will be seeing our last bit of winter tonight, so let us not linger over our food. Athelstan will not want to walk to Torstein's dwelling in the snow."
Once everyone agreed, it became quiet as they all began eating. Lilith sat closer to Athelstan than she had in days, sharing her warmth with him and eventually laying her head on his shoulder once she had finished eating. He knew in just two short weeks they would be married, but his resolve to keep his promise was fading a little every day.
"Athelstan," Ragnar said as he also finished his food. "We must begin preparing you and Lilith for the ceremony. Aslaug has already begun making your clothes, but there is more to a wedding than just how the bride and groom look. How much do you know about our wedding ceremony?"
"Precious little," Athelstan admitted. "But I remember some things from your wedding with Aslaug. I know we will need rings."
The older man nodded. "That is true. And we will also need to forge a new sword for Lilith. You see, in our weddings, the protection of the father over his daughter must be given to her husband. I know in this instance it seems backward, but it is tradition."
Athelstan nodded as well. "Of course. I would be honored, and I'm sure Lili would be as well." He glanced at her as she looked up at him, and he smiled just as she did, leaning closer to kiss her gently.
"I thought I said none of that at the dinner table," Ragnar chastised jokingly. He waited until they pulled apart to continue. "I will also be giving you, Athelstan, a sword given to me by my father. Normally, in this case, the groom's sword would come from his own father, but seeing as how you do not have a father to give you a sword, mine will just have to do. Hmm?"
"I suppose it will," Athelstan agreed.
Supper was over before Athelstan and Lilith wanted it to be, and while Torstein made for the door less than a minute after he finished eating, they both lingered for a moment before slowly making their way to the doors so he could leave.
"I spoke to Aslaug while we were cooking," Lilith said as she walked beside him. She held his hand in hers as tightly as she ever had. "I asked her if it would all right for us to go somewhere on our own these next few days. She said that as long as we are home before the sun sets that it would be all right."
They made it to the doors, stopping as the cool air slipped inside, and Athelstan turned to face her, taking both her hands in his.
"Are you sure?" he asked her. "We don't have to do anything you — "
She kissed him before he could finish his sentence, grasping onto his hands and deepening the kiss quickly to make her words as plain as she could without speaking. When she let go, she still spoke. "Just because I want to be alone with you does not mean we have to do anything, Athelstan. I want to," she assured him, "but I also want to have time with you before we are wed. Without Gyda between us. Without Ubbe and Hvitserk between us. Can I have that just for the next week or so? Please."
He lifted his lips to her forehead, glancing back at everyone else and seeing how they all watched him with her. "You can have anything you wish, my love," he whispered, realizing what he'd said and leaning back to look at her. The tears in her eyes worried him, but then she smiled, and he did as well. Gently, he tucked her hair behind her ears, laying his forehead over hers. "I would love to spend the afternoon with you, Lili. I will spend every afternoon of the rest of my life with you, if it is what you wish."
With a deep breath, she leaned back and looked up at him. "Good. I also thought of something we could do in the morning before we do that."
Athelstan grinned, watching the mischievous grin on her face grow. "And what is that exactly?" he asked.
"Tomorrow morning, I want you to be here helping Ubbe and Hvitserk with their reading so they will have a full lesson instead of the short ones they have been getting. I'm sure Aslaug will like seeing you also. I think she misses you."
He laughed softly, wrapping his arms around her to hold her closer. "And what will you be doing tomorrow morning?"
"I will keep practicing with my spear," she informed him. "Torstein says that even though I am better than most people after just a week or so, I still have much to learn. So we will be stick-fighting to keep my reflexes sharp."
The image of Lilith and Torstein fighting flashed through his mind, and he didn't like the idea of that even for a split second. "That doesn't sound safe," he argued. He saw her quirked eyebrow and immediately changed his words. "But I'm sure you will learn it quickly for Torstein's sake."
Lilith lifted her hands to his arms, squeezing him gently. "That's better," she nodded. "And this way, since we will not be doing the same thing in the morning, we might actually have something to talk about when we leave town."
He realized her intention easily, nodding and agreeing. "That sounds like a good idea."
"I thought you would see it that way," she said. "Now, try not to let Torstein keep you awake too long tonight, and I will see you here tomorrow before we go."
Athelstan sighed softly, understanding as he bowed his head and then kissed her cheek. He let go of her reluctantly, stepping out of the doors and into the cold night air. Lilith grabbed his hand before he got too far away, pulling him back to her and almost kissing him. Instead, she folded her arms around him and held him as tight as she could, pressing the side of her face to his.
"I love you," she whispered. "I love you so much. I — I never thought I would ever love anyone as much as I love you, and I just wanted to say it as much as I could before we are wed. And then I will not have to say it like this again."
He held on to her as tightly as she held him, cradling her head and feeling her whole body shaking. "Lili, it's all right," he whispered. "I love you. I have always loved you. Even before we came to this place. And even after we leave this place, one way or another, I will always love you."
Slowly, she stopped shaking, still holding him but then leaning back so she could look at him. "I didn't mean to scare you," she apologized. "I didn't think I would miss being around you so much."
"Well," he said and stood taller so he could press his forehead to hers, "it's only for a little while longer. And then I'm all yours. I promise."
She smiled and then laughed softly. "I like the sound of that," she gushed.
"I — "
"What are you still doing out here?" Torstein shouted from down the street. "Do you want to freeze to death before your wedding?"
Lilith laughed again, stepping away from him as she still held his hand. "You should go," she said. "I think Torstein is getting used to having you as a housemate."
Athelstan sighed, leaning in one last time to kiss her forehead. "Good night, my love."
She nudged her nose against his chin, almost kissing his neck. "Good night."
He backed away slowly, letting go of her and hurrying down the street to where Torstein waited.
"Normally, I would allow the two of you to do whatever you want, my friend," Torstein said and claimed his shoulder. "But you don't have to worry about her father threatening you within an inch of your life. Come on. We have a fire to build."
Athelstan laughed softly, following Torstein even as he glanced behind him at Lilith. Torstein shook him a little as they turned a corner, and after that, he just put his head down. At least now he had something other than the wedding to look forward to.
The next few days turned out exactly how Lilith said they would. Instead of going to the beach to train with Torstein, Athelstan walked to the Great Hall where the boys and Aslaug were waiting with the remainder of breakfast and all the papers from the night before to continue their lessons. Gyda and Lilith were already gone by the time he arrived, but the hours he had to wait for Lilith to come back seemed to fly by. Aslaug always watched him, but she never said anything. She also wished him and Lilith a peaceful afternoon before they left, but there was no longer any innuendo in her voice. She seemed to genuinely want them to enjoy their time alone.
While Lilith had many things to talk about after training with Torstein and Gyda, Athelstan only wanted to listen to her, hearing the joy in her voice and never wanting to hear anything else for as long as he lived. Of course, she wanted to hear about his lessons with the boys, but after hearing her speak about Gyda training, he only wanted to know one thing.
"Gyda said last week that she wasn't going to England with Ragnar," Athelstan remembered as he and Lilith walked back to town from the waterfalls. "Why does she not want to go? If she is still training."
"I am not going to England this time," Lilith reminded him. "Should I not be training?"
"No, of course not. You should. And she should as well. But I remember how much she wanted to be like . . . her mother, and I just thought she would want to follow in her footsteps. I know if Bjorn was here, he would want to go."
Hearing her brother's name gave Lilith pause, and she was quiet for a minute as they still walked. "You are right," she said finally. "If my brother was here, he would go with you and Ragnar. If Lagertha were here, she would also go. Honestly, I do not know why Gyda doesn't want to go. You would have to ask her."
There was quite a bit of activity when they got back to town, and inside the Great Hall, there was even more buzz with people running around to find out themselves what was happening. Athelstan left Lilith at the doors of the long house to find Ragnar, discovering him, Torstein and Floki all sitting around the fire in the middle of the Hall.
"Ragnar," he called, and they all looked in his direction.
Torstein and Ragnar sat up, and the older man gestured for him to come closer to the fire. Floki kept his sneer in place, remaining hunched over the fire.
"What's happening?" Athelstan asked as soon as he was sitting beside Torstein.
"We have received word that Jarl Borg will arrive here in three days' time," Ragnar informed him. "He will be arriving by boat and will bring many of his warriors for our journey back to England. I have already decided to increase our defenses, and I am adding a fourth shift to our guards so they will be as rested as they should be."
Athelstan glanced at Torstein, seeing him nod encouragingly before they both looked at Floki and then Ragnar again. "What about King Horik?" Athelstan asked. "Has there been any word from him?"
"No," Ragnar said, "but with Spring already approaching and Summer not far behind it, I am certain we will hear from him soon. And on that note, I have decided that to add to our protection here for my family, you and Torstein will remain here until the wedding."
Athelstan opened his mouth to speak, not to argue, but Ragnar stopped him before he could say anything.
"I know you must be worried about the sleeping arrangements," he guessed. "But I have already spoken to Gyda, and she agrees that we will simply have you share with Ubbe and Hvitserk. That way, you can keep your promise to my daughter. Since it is still so important to you. It is still important to you, yes?"
The same blush he always felt when Ragnar put him on the spot like this returned as he glanced at Floki who was still staring at him, but the sneer was gone. Athelstan cleared his throat, looking at Ragnar. "It is," he confirmed. "To me and Lili. But of course, I want everyone to be safe. I'll be happy to stay with the boys."
Ragnar nodded, accepting his answer. "Good. Now where is the food? I am starving!"
Lilith and Gyda came with Aslaug and the food carried by Tova and Kindra within minutes of him saying that, joining them all at the main table as the activity in the Hall became busier. Athelstan sat with the boys across from Lilith and her sister, remembering what he'd asked earlier and feeling the need to ask again now that he was watching them together.
"Gyda, I'm curious," he said as he helped Hvitserk with his food. "Why have you decided not to go to England with Ragnar? I had thought you would want to go with your father on an adventure like that?"
"Perhaps when I had been younger," she said without pausing. "And perhaps if my mother and brother were still here. But so much has changed. And I have changed. So it isn't important to me anymore. And I swore to Lili when we were children that I would never leave her, and I won't start now. England isn't going anywhere. I can go next time, surely."
Her words struck him like no others ever had, and he remembered making those same promises to Lilith when she had been a child. He remembered promising her he would never leave her and then doing just that when she had been ten. He had promised to protect her, but he'd failed to do that for twelve years. And now, he was leaving again because of a decision he'd made before realizing how he felt about her and how much he loved her.
Gyda realized what she was said when she saw his face, and she quickly followed up what she had with something less than a declaration. "But it's only because she has not had me in her life as long as she's had you. And I'm glad you're going with Father. Someone has to keep him out of trouble. And while you're gone, I will stay here with Lili."
Athelstan glanced at Ragnar, noticing that he was watching them. "You do not need to say anything to make me feel better, Gyda," he assured her. "You are free to make your own decisions. I was simply curious."
His words did nothing to change her expression, but she let it drop in favor of finishing her food. His eyes found Lilith's as she watched him.
"Are you all right?" she asked softly.
He nodded without saying anything, and she sighed.
The buzz around town died down slowly until the Great Hall and the long house were both free of the extra people who had gathered there. By then, Ubbe and Hvitserk were much more tired than they had been in a long time, and Aslaug asked Athelstan to help her put them down.
"You shouldn't worry about leaving Lilith now," she said as they both tucked the boys in. "You have always been confident in your love for her. It will keep you both strong while you're apart. You should trust that."
"I do," he assured her. "Lili knows how much I love her. And we both agreed that I should go with Ragnar. It is the smart thing to do. But in many ways, I look at her and still see the girl I left at the monastery when she was ten. I didn't want to leave her, but I had to. It's different now, but I still remember her that way. And I don't want her to be lonely just like I didn't then."
She waited until Ubbe and Hvitserk were both asleep to make Athelstan face her, speaking as gently as she could. "You do not need to worry about Lilith being lonely anymore," she insisted. "She has so many people around her now where before she only had you, and you are such a source of comfort for her. No one will ever replace you for her. She would never allow that to happen." He bowed his head, accepting what she said as she added, "And neither will I. I promise you that."
He couldn't hide his surprise at her saying that, but she shook him gently, prompting him to nod that he understood.
"Now you should get ready for bed as well," she told him. "So much to do over the next few days."
She released him reluctantly, and he watched her leave the back room before he did what she said. He pulled out his journal before he laid down with the boys, realizing it had been nearly three weeks since he'd written in it and sitting down to do that while he had a few minutes.
He tried to remember all the things he'd learned the last few weeks, and not just what he'd been learning with Torstein. He had learned so many new things about Lilith, and it had only made him love her more than he thought possible. He could only imagine the things he would learn in the upcoming weeks and months before he left for England, and he wanted to learn all of it. He wanted her to learn all of those things about him as well.
"Athelstan."
Ubbe's little voice made him look up and see the boy watching him as his brother slept beside him. Slowly, Athelstan put his journal away and moved around to sit beside Ubbe without waking Hvitserk. "Yes, Ubbe?"
"Now that you and Lili are getting married, will you be having babies like Mother and Father do?" he asked innocently.
For the first time in weeks, Athelstan didn't blush, knowing that Ubbe's question could only come from a boy who was just four years old. "Well, I imagine we will," he said as diplomatically as he could, especially since he and Lilith hadn't talked about it yet. "Would you like that? Having your new little brother and a little cousin for you to play with?"
Ubbe nodded as he reached for Athelstan's hands like Lilith always did as a child. For a short minute, it overwhelmed him to think of his own child doing this one day.
Movement got his attention then, and he looked up to see Lilith and Gyda coming back ready for bed. He smiled when he saw them, looking at Ubbe again. "It will also have to do with Lili and when she is ready to have children. It's time for you to sleep. Hold your brother, and I'll be right back here in a moment."
Ubbe nodded, and Athelstan leaned over to kiss his forehead before he rose to collect his journal so it wouldn't be left out. He glanced back at Lilith and Gyda, watching them settle in bed before Ragnar and Aslaug finally came back, and he looked away to finish writing in his journal. He felt Ragnar's eyes on him the whole time the candles were being extinguished, and he finished just before the one beside Aslaug's side of the bed was put out. It took him a minute to settle in the bed with Ubbe and Hvitserk, but once he had, he looked across the room where Lilith was sleeping and falling asleep before another minute could pass.
This is the end of Part 1, and I'll let you decide when I post part two. It's ready to go, so I might post it tomorrow if I have a chance. A good number of chapters in this story will be in two parts, mostly because there was so much I wanted to write and show. And this story is going to be a lot longer than the first part of the story.
So I hope you're enjoying reading as much as I'm enjoying writing it. I'm still working on the final chapters, and I'm beginning work on Part 3, so we'll see how that goes.
Until next time!