Esme lay in bed, just resting and occasionally trying to browse through a magazine to distract herself.
Her morning had started quite pleasant actually, the kids had left for school and Carlisle had taken Maddie, probably because he had feared she was going to be late.
Admittedly, Esme really missed her husband right now, as he had to go back to work the moment she and the girls had come home from their shopping trip the night before. He had barely entered the house this morning, before he left again with their youngest.
And now he was back at the hospital again.
Sometimes she did feel lonely when he was so engaged with his work and just couldn't say no when his medical expertise was needed. She understood, but nevertheless it felt like she and Carlisle just never had enough time to themselves.
So now she once again had the house all to herself. Some days she wasn't completely unhappy about that as she did welcome the rare silence that allowed her to rest and focus on doing something that she otherwise couldn't do with a house full of teens that just had too much energy for their own good.
However, today was not one of those days. She was unhappy, and she wasn't just laying down because it was relaxing, but because she felt like her head was spinning.
Something was wrong.
She got glimpses of things, scenes, that just didn't make sense and just served to confuse her mind as nothing had any relation to reality, was completely without any connection to the present or the past. The poor woman had no idea what was going on, but it made her feel almost nauseous.
Esme really didn't know what was happening to her... everything she saw seemed so far away and she couldn't see how it could possibly be anything she had experienced so far. A couple of times she felt like calling her husband, to tell him she wasn't well, but she didn't.
She wasn't in pain, she wasn't hurting, just... confused. And Carlisle was busy.
Maybe she had already acted strange the night before or this morning, as Carlisle had given her some very questioning looks and asked her if she was feeling any different or seeing things.
Then, to make things even more confusing, Edward had given her a quick, one-armed hug and told her that soon it would all make sense, before Alice promised her that it wouldn't be too much longer.
At that time, Esme did not know what to do with these cryptic statements or the strange looks they were giving her, but she figured she just needed to wait for them to make sense.
Now she started to realise.
They had been hinting at the turmoil inside her head, and while that had been quite considerate of them, she would have welcomed a more detailed explanation. Instead, she was now left to figure it out on her own while helplessly waiting for the assault of foreign images and short dialogues to stop so she could at least take a breath and try to make sense of them one at a time.
But fortunately the more time passed, the more she could actually start stringing some of these odd pictures and sentences together. Everything she saw and heard seemed so far away but also weirdly close and familiar, and now she understood.
All of that had happened. These were glimpses of the past that were fighting their way back to her conscious, wanting to be seen and remembered.
However, she still didn't quite understand.
There were no blank spaces in her memory, nothing she missed, but still, whatever she saw seemed like it had actually happened without her knowing.
"Here you are," a voice said from the doorway, pulling her from her intense musings.
"You're back," she said as she looked over to the door, pushing herself up on her elbows. She saw her husband standing there, but hadn't heard him come in. "Everything all right?"
"I could ask you the same question, love," Carlisle replied as he walked towards her, a hint of worry in his tone. "Why are you in bed?"
She released a sigh, then held her right forearm to her forehead before she let herself fall back into the soft pillows. "I'm just resting."
"And what exhausted you so?" he queried softly when he had reached the foot of their bed.
"I'm not sure," she replied, pressing her lips together while shaking her head. "Carlisle, could you tell me something? And please be honest."
"Of course love, whatever you need."
She looked straight at him, her eyebrows drawn together. "Did I pass out lately?"
He gave her a frown while he got up on the bed and settled right next to her. "No, Esme, you did not."
"Hm."
"What is it that you see?"
She looked questioningly at her husband. How did he know?
"You are getting glimpses, aren't you? Things that happened, but you don't quite remember?"
She thought abut it for a second, trying to describe exactly what was going on inside her mind, but came to the conclusion that it was just as her husband said. "I think so, yes."
He nodded his head while grabbing her hand and letting his thumb run over the back of it in a soothing manner before he placed a soft kiss on her knuckles.
"What is happening?"
He sighed. "Just wait some more and soon it'll all make sense. I don't wish to confuse you."
"I'm already confused. How about you tell me what's going on?"
"Everything will become clearer in a little while. Don't fight it, just relax and let it come to you."
"But I don't understand."
"Lay back," he said as he made himself comfortable next to her, extending his arm over her pillow to hug her to himself as she lowered herself into his embrace.
While his words had not yet served to clear things up for her, she was glad that she wasn't alone anymore. Her husband would help her through this, especially since he seemed to know exactly what was going on with her.
She closed her eyes and let her head rest on his chest, breathing in his comforting scent while more images invaded her mind that slowly seemed to fall into place with what she had already seen.
She tensed when one particular scene formed in her mind. She waited a second longer, to make sure this was true and not some weird part of her imagination and she gasped.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
Esme did not have time to give her husband an answer - she jumped up from the bed, frantically looked around, until her gaze fell on the shiny car keys hanging from her husband's trouser pocket. She snatched them up, then headed for the door.
"Esme? Esme!"
She wheeled around, her eyes looking positively alarmed.
"Maddie's hurt," was all she could manage to say in a completely distraught voice, before her frantic mind forced her back to the task at hand - finding her daughter and make sure she was safe and well. "Someone hurt my child."
"Esme, stop, calm down."
She spun around, her eyes blazing. "Have you lost your mind?!" Why wasn't he getting up from the bed? He should be beside himself with worry!
He held his hands up, hoping it would make her stop and think for a second or at least listen to him. "Darling, everything you see has already happened."
"Yes, that's how I know that my daughter's in pain!"
Her yelling made him wince. "These are memories."
"I know, and that's why I have to go!" Since when was he so slow?
She was growing angry because of his stalling, and he had major trouble getting her to calm down and listen.
"Esme. Esme, please. Don't forget your current memories. Maddie is fine."
She gasped in disbelief. It seemed like he didn't care at all. "How do you know that? Do you even have the slightest idea of what I'm seeing?!"
"Yes, Esme, I know exactly what you remember, so please, calm down and sit with me."
She couldn't believe this man. "We need to find her!"
"Please. I promise you she's fine. No pain, no danger, no nothing. She's at school, I just dropped her off this morning."
"So you don't know if she's fine," she accused, her eyes as black as coal.
His loving wife, completely blinded by concern and fear. It brought out the mama bear in her, and she would destroy everything in her way to get to her cub that she thought was in danger. But her cub was fine again after it had brought immense danger upon itself without anyone else involved.
That would be hard to process for her.
"Esme, you are neither seeing the present nor the future, just the past."
She did not look convinced that he truly understood the situation here. The worry for her child clouded her mind and all she wanted to do was to find her and make sure she was safe or at least that she could protect her from further harm.
"What you see are memories, memories from six weeks ago."
Now that information finally managed to pull her from her frantic state.
Six weeks? "That can't be," she said breathlessly.
"It seems impossible, I know, but the things you see truly happened six weeks ago, love."
"No."
"Believe me, I suffered from the same confusion when it happened to me yesterday. Let me explain it to you."
"She's not in danger?" The look she gave him was scrutinising - he couldn't possibly know what she knew. By now she was sure that she had regained memories that had been lost to her, but they couldn't be six weeks old. Her daughter was fine six weeks ago, but now she was not.
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, absolutely. Come," he said extending one arm towards her. "Sit with me and I will guide you through the images in your head."
Esme glanced at the car keys in her right hand, taking long, deep breaths while she contemplated her next move. Maybe her husband could help her make sense of what she was seeing, but that could wait. Her child's well-being came first.
So instead of reaching for his hand and letting him guide her back onto the bed to sit down, she headed for the door once again.
Just as she reached the doorway, Carlisle called, "Do you remember when we allowed Maddie to stay home by herself for a couple of hours?"
She stopped. It annoyed her that he was still stalling, but she couldn't help but react to his question. "Yes, I do," she replied while she turned her head to look at him over her shoulder.
He sighed, his hand still stretched out towards her, the look in his eyes begging her to come to him.
Nothing made sense. He was too calm, even though she told him that their child needed their help, and he was talking about something that happened a while back and had nothing to do with the current situation.
"Fine," she said. "What are you trying to tell me?"
He waited until she eventually moved from her spot by the door and walked back towards him, then lowered herself onto the soft comforter.
"So?"
"Well," he started to say, then cleared his throat once before he continued. "Maddie made good use of the time to see if fire could indeed physically harm our kind."
Esme leaned back, giving him a look of utter shock and confusion.
"She held her forearm into a flame."
The loving mother of six could not believe her ears - her daughter wouldn't do that, there was no way that this could be true. "No, that can't be. I don't believe that."
"Well, neither did I, but that's what happened. And your memories of seeing the wound are only now coming back to you because she had blocked them."
"Six weeks," she breathed. It had been six weeks since the teacher's conference at Maddie's school and them letting her stay home all by herself for a little while.
Carlisle knew what confused her so. Their daughter's influence never lasted that long, and definitely not for that amount of time. "Maddie has been busy... she blocked them several times."
"Why?"
"She wanted to wait until she could truly be healed when we remember and therefore see that this incident did not, in any way, have any negative impact on her or our lives and all is well. It seems like she wanted to protect us, but to be honest, I'm sure she only did it because she knew we would be quite displeased and this was her idea of evading punishment."
"Her entire arm... she could have died, Carlisle."
"Yes, love, I know. But thank God it was only her arm and with her siblings' help she is completely healed again."
Esme tensed. "They knew?"
Carlisle knew she felt hurt and betrayed, and his heart reached out to her. Yes, it was devastating to know what had taken place when they had left their daughter at home all alone, but knowing that the entire family had kept it a secret from them was painful. However, it seemed like their hands had been bound considering how much trouble she went through to keep it a secret from them. Luckily her siblings didn't give up on her and took care of her when they couldn't.
"Yes."
"The wound was bandaged... but she was in so much pain, Carlisle... so much pain."
His wife's expression was a grimace of anguish and fear and Carlisle had to look away as it was so hard to endure. "She chose to be. I was determined to inject my venom and help her heal quicker, and that's when she took my memory."
At hearing his words, she gasped and her right hand shot up to cover her mouth. "I wanted to call you..."
"Now you know why she took yours."
Carlisle's help in seeing the full picture was very much appreciated, but Esme couldn't help but feel scared and almost devastated. Her own daughter didn't trust her enough to let her help her during that difficult time when she probably had to endure the worst pain imaginable. She had hoped they were closer than that by now. Then again, she remembered how Maddie had clung to her, even though she made her believe it was for a completely different reason. "I still don't understand," she whispered, shaking her head.
He gave her a little, sympathetic smile, knowing full well what must be going through her mind right now as he had been in the exact same position as her just the day before. "I'm not even sure I fully understand her reasoning and actions behind all this. However, it's apparent that she wanted to hide what she had done."
"But she was in tremendous pain, Carlisle... why would she refuse treatment? This must have taken a while to heal."
"One and a half weeks, to be precise."
Esme covered her mouth again as tears welled up in her eyes. Knowing what her child had gone through was hard to process. She never wanted anyone in her family to suffer, but learning that Maddie had consciously decided that she didn't want to speed up the healing process was just confusing. And it pained her.
"Why would she do that?" she asked, but more to herself than him. It was hard for her to wrap her mind around this... it was like she suddenly couldn't connect the dots anymore, even though her memories seemed to be mostly back by now. She remembered, hopefully all of it, but the memories didn't clear up Maddie's motivation for burning herself or then hiding it from them while allowing her siblings to treat her. It felt like she didn't trust them at all, wanted everyone else but her and Carlisle when she was injured and needed help and comfort. It made no sense. Carlisle was so skilled in treating both humans and their kind and Esme would never let her children suffer without doing her upmost possible to bring comfort to them and help make the pain go away.
She started to feel a bit dizzy when her mind forcefully pushed her real memories to the forefront, while everything that had been obviously fake was fading. She couldn't believe that she had been so oblivious to her child's agony... she had told her to clean up her room, switched the TV off so she would do her homework... even asked her to bring down her dirty clothes for washing... and all the while the girl had been in an extreme amount of pain and she had added to it. She felt horrible for doing that to her.
"I'll never let her out of my sight again."
"My thoughts exactly, but not very practicable."
She slightly tilted her head to the side, her eyebrows drawn together. "What do you mean?"
"She still needs to go to school. It keeps her mind busy," he replied with a sad smile.
Yes, school was good for her.
"School...," Esme whispered thoughtfully, until she looked up to check the clock on the wall.
"Yes, I'll leave in a couple of minutes to pick her up."
She looked at him, her face unreadable, until she suddenly shook her head. "No."
"No?"
She shook her head at him again while her face hardened. "I will pick her up."
Just a little Esme-chapter... poor woman had to remember at some point. But never fear, we'll see a bit more of her in the next chapter.
Thank you so very much for your reviews, your patience and your continuous support, it means so much!