a/n GUYS I FEEL LIKE I OWE EVERYONE A HUGE APOLOGY
I'M SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG LIFE IS STRESSFUL AND SO IS SCHOOL AND SCIENCE OLYMPIAD BUT THIS IS FINALLY HERE BECAUSE I SOMEHOW FOUND THE TIME TO WRITE IT IN THE MIDST OF FALLING BEHIND IN SUPERCORPTOBER
also, please go read my supercorptober fic... it will be posted here soonnnnnn
aaaaand this chapter is unedited because I'm lazy af
Tori's eyes snap up to the redhead, who picks up the drink and sets it back down, asking for whipped cream, and when he adds it, she claps enthusiastically and licks it, getting a bit on her nose.
She squints at the girl, noting her carefree demeanor. For a second, she wishes she could live like that, without a care in the world, and then she feels a punch to the gut for absolutely no reason.
Have I seen her before? Huh. Must be the red hair.
By the time Cat and her group of friends have left the shop, chattering loudly, Tori finds herself wondering why the name brings back memories of something she's clearly never had.
She's coffee-deprived, and the bartender and this extremely full Jet Brew still haven't made her order yet, so she slumps onto the table, too tired to continue sifting her brain for memories.
"Beck?" The bartender calls again, and a handsome boy with long, wavy hair approaches the counter and takes his coffee, nodding a thank you to the lady working at the machines, and her response is a slight giggle.
At least three more orders are called out before hers, and all she ordered was a coffee! A plain, dark, black coffee with two sugars that she would put in herself.
Her eyes drift back to the girl named Cat when she laughs loudly, and she sees her with Beck and another two boys and a girl, walking out the door of the Jet Brew.
Before they can disappear around the corner, she squints at them, trying to point out what's so familiar with them and their names, but she can't get more than something about a sapphire. Or some stone.
When the door closes with the soft ring of a bell, she turns back around and slumps her head into her hands. She's tired and she needs coffee, and she's yawning and the three weirdly familiar teenagers are well out of her mind.
"Tori?"
Her head snaps up immediately. Yes, give me my coffee now.
She nods a tired thank you to the barista and proceeds to dump in two packets of sugar. She doesn't taste it to see if it's sweet enough; it's enough for her.
She takes her first sip just as she steps outside, it's bitter, really bitter, but she can't bring herself to spit it out, or even wince. She likes the bitterness, and it's so new to her, she wonders what happened and why she had put only two packets of sugar to her usual four or five with cream.
She sips at it again, letting the bitter taste wash over her tongue, and her lips pucker at the lack of sugar, but she continues drinking it anyway, wondering how she switched over from super-sweet coffee to this.
The thought reminds her of the weird feeling in her chest; it's there so often it's become almost normal, but she's never gotten used to it. It's like a hole, an emptiness that likes to remind her it's there every once in a while.
Tori feels like she's searching, but for what, for who, she doesn't know. Her life feels like a constant quest to find something that will finally fill the cold cavity in her chest. Maybe it's her heart. She feels like her heart is gone.
Someone stole it, maybe. She doesn't remember anyone she'd willingly give it away to.
The next time she sees the group of people, she's walking out of a restaurant. Nozu, to be exact. She stretches as she slips off the barstool, picking up the change that comes back with the receipt. She leaves the coins and slips the dollar bills into her wallet, then makes sure she didn't drop anything while eating.
She waves to the owner of the restaurant, Mrs. Lee, who had seen her so much she had begun to give her random free deserts. Tori doesn't remember the first time she met the woman, but she knows she was visiting Hollywood for no particular reason. Maybe to pick up Trina?
The jingle of the bell that hangs from the door interrupts her train of thought, and she blinks, and it's gone. She shakes her head, slipping the strap of her purse on her shoulder, and pushes her way to the door.
She frowns as she searches her memories again, but it's faint. Eh, in another life…
A yelp escapes her mouth when her shoulder is jostled roughly when one of the newcomers pushes past, and she blurts out an apology the same time the other girl snaps at her.
"Watch where you're go-"
She stammers for a response other than Sorry, oh my God, I am so sorry! but finds that her mouth is left hanging open and she's gawping like a fish because, damn , the girl in front of her is stunning, and she's beautiful and pretty and gorgeous and dammit, stop being gay, Tori! , but she's just so breathtakingly attractive and it should be illegal to be this pretty.
The other girl is staring at her too, and there's a jolt deep in her stomach so strong she almost stumbles forward. But her friends herd her along before she has a chance to take more than one look at her face, and hey look, isn't that redhead Cat? and then she's gone, her body lost in the sea of other customers.
She shakes her head at the weird churning in her stomach and walks out, hand moving automatically with her shirt collar to fiddle with it like she expects something else to be there. It's a habit, and sometimes, she'll wear a necklace so her fingers have something to do when she's anxious, but it never helps, and being Tori, she would always lose the necklace, chain and all.
Her sister stumbles out of the front doors, hands still wet from washing them, "I thought you left me!"
She scoffs, "At least I paid. C'mon, Treen, let's go home."
Jade almost screams when someone crashes into her shoulder at Nozu because God, there are so many people today , and it's not a particularly good day for her. Actually, she hasn't had a decent day for weeks now, and she's getting angry and cranky, feeling like she's looking for something she'll never find. She whirls around, eyes glittering with impatience, a retort already halfway flying out of her mouth when the rapid panicked apologies are yelped right into her ear.
She stops midsentence when she hears the voice, and there's something about it, albeit panicked and high-pitched, that makes her stomach drop. And those doe eyes widen and for some reason, her hand flies to her throat. The chain of her necklace is cool, and it's only a split second before she's whisked along by her friends.
Her mind is occupied with the girl she ran into all throughout lunch, and when they leave the sushi restaurant, Beck just frowns at her, "What's up with you today?"
She resorts to her default response, "Didn't sleep well. I need coffee," she mutters, already striding quickly in the direction of Jet Brew a block over, leaving her friends no choice but to follow her.
Instead of plain coffee, she orders a caramel macchiato, needing the sugar and caffeine to get through the day. Their drinks finally come, and they settle into a table near the entrance, sipping at their hot beverages and making small talk.
At some point, Beck picks up her drink and takes a little sip, something he used to do when they were dating. The habit hasn't been broken, but oddly enough, she's fine with it.
He chokes a little, the lighter-than-usual liquid trickling down his chin, " God , what is that?"
"Caramel macchiato," she answers distractedly.
"Why would you order that? It's so… sweet. What the hell, Jade? What about your usual black coffee?"
She just shrugs. She's not sure she has an answer to that question, why she stopped drinking her usual black coffee. "I like this."
"No, you don't."
"Well, I do now. End of story."
They don't question her when her tone becomes low and dangerous. It's always been like that.
She takes another sip, sighing at the way the sweetness seems to temporarily fill the gap in her chest, even if just for a little. It's better than the emptiness and wondering what she's missing.
Maybe it's Beck. Maybe letting him break up with me was a bad idea.
She kisses him, presses her lips to his for a quick second, not even caring when her friends gasp.
He kisses back, as usual, but his eyes are open and his brows are furrowed in confusion.
"What was that?" He blinks in bewilderment when she pulls away.
Jade stands up, slinging her purse over her shoulder, "Just checking something."
Nothing. She felt nothing.
Not the slight fluttery feeling in her stomach she had expected, not the spike in her heart rate. In fact, it makes her feel worse.
She walks away.
She doesn't talk about it when she returns to school the following Monday. Or the one after. Or ever.
She just says the Great Showcase is coming up this weekend and throws herself into writing a song she scraps when the words turn out soft, too soft.
When did she become like this?
In the end, she just chooses a song she already knows, a song that speaks her heart. But it's nothing special.
When she steps out on the stage, she notices how the auditorium is different, how the details are no longer the same. It had been blown up last year, but somehow, everyone had managed to get out.
Just another thing she can't remember the details of.
It smells different. It looks different. Her voice sounds different to her ears and the music tastes different on her tongue. The lights are warmer, and the room is darker.
And she feels like she's home.
She nods to the audience when the final note trails off, the applause giving her a little of the validation she longs for. For some reason, it's not enough today.
There's a nod of approval from Sikowitz, from Lane, from Beck, from Cat, Andre, and Robbie when she steps off the stage, silently handing the microphone to a member of the stage crew.
Cat gives her a massive hug she shrugs off, already heading to the dressing room so she can just grab her water and leave.
She changes back into her regular clothes, slings her purse over her shoulder and grabs her plastic water bottle, about to head out when Beck stops her.
"Jade! I thought you were leaving with us? You said you'd stay."
"I don't feel well," she says bluntly, "I'm leaving."
"Aww, you're leaving already?" Cat bounces up to her, giving her a pleading look. "Please stay."
"I just want to go home."
"C'mon, Jade, stay?" Andre presses his hands together. "We can all go out for coffee or ice cream after."
She hesitates, and Andre is whisked away by a stage crew member, presumably for his performance.
"Come on," Beck nudges her, "You have to stop avoiding us eventually."
"I'm not avoiding you!"
"You never leave the house outside of school anymore. That can't be healthy."
"Who are you to dictate whether what I do is healthy or not?"
He's about to answer her retort when there's a sudden, shrill wail.
"What was that?"
Beck grimaces, "Trina Vega."
Cat gasps and turns to face the commotion. Trina, in her striped turquoise and white dress, stands, hands frantically fanning her face, a bulge in her mouth. Is that her tongue ?
"Oh my God," Jade utters, biting back a laugh, "I have to record this."
"Jade." Beck shoots her a look.
"Fine. Can we go see this from the audience? I need to see this."
Beck ponders it, "Let's go."
The three of them head down to the audience, creeping up the side so that they end up at the very back by the exits, hidden in shadow.
There's more rustling and common from backstage, and Jade just leans back, amused.
"Let go of me! What are you doing? No, no, no, no, I said let go of me, please! No, please…"
The girl on stage trails off the moment she realizes where she's standing.
Jade holds her PearPhone at eye level, a smirk on her face. Clearly, this is someone substituting for Trina.
" Here I am, once again …"
Jade's heart stops.
Her finger stops the recording, and her hand slowly drops.
What? Who is she?
"Jade," Beck hisses as she steps forward.
She ignores him, walking to the side, against the wall so she can have a closer view.
The girl on stage begins to dance as the music picks up, and Jade's standing in a spot that's too dark for the girl to see. But her head flings to the left at one point, and she almost gasps when it seems like she's looking directly at her.
Brown eyes, gazing right at her…
She shakes herself. Her heart pounds rapidly in her chest and she can feel her breath hitch as the performer continues to sing, her voice melodic and beautiful.
A hand on her shoulder makes her jump. She whirls around to see Beck beside her, eyes narrowed. "What's wrong with you?"
"Do we know her?"
"I… don't think so? Looks a little, familiar don't you think?'
"That's what I thought!"
The girl's movements are fluid and her voice is strong, and her smile, oh my God her smile is stunning. Judging by her reaction to being pushed on stage, she's never performed, but she looks natural, at home.
The song ends and the audience bursts into applause. People, the girl's family, students, and teachers alike rush out onto the stage, and Andre pulls the girl into a hug.
Something simmers in her blood.
They're all clapping and standing, but Jade just pushes her way through the door in the side and walks up the stairs to the stage.
By the time she gets there, the girl is changing out of her glittery outfit, and Jade just stands there, oddly restless. Her heart pounds in her chest and why am I nervous?
"Hey."
Her head snaps up and her gaze meets the other girl's.
Brown eyes, brown hair, high cheekbones, ridiculously beautiful…
Their eyes meet and Jade hears the singer's breath hitch.
"Hey," she responds evenly, or tries to, but her voice wobbles.
Silence.
"Um, I guess, I should… go now," the girl mutters awkwardly after a solid minute of uncomfortable feet shuffling and fidgeting.
Jade nods wordlessly, and it isn't until her heart drops does she realize the empty feeling is gone.
"Wait!" she almost yells, and the brunette pauses at the door.
"Yeah?"
"Have we met?" Her breathing is shallow, fast.
She's met with a smile, such a gorgeous smile, and those chocolate brown eyes fill with tears, "I thought so, too," she whispers.
"I, uh…" Jade trails off, not knowing what to say.
They just gaze at each other wordlessly, then. Tori blinks once and the tears spill from her eyes.
Jade draws in a shuddering breath and moisture beads in her eyes, and she's not even sure why she's crying. She lets out a wet laugh before they both speak at the same time.
"What's your name?"
"What's your name?"
a/n GUYS THIS ISN'T OVER
I PROMISE WE WILL WRITE AND RELEASE AN EPILOGUE OF SORTS SO IT DOESN'T LEAVE OFF ON THIS CLIFFHANGER LIKE THE MOVIE DOES
OUR DORKS WILL GET THEIR HAPPY ENDING... YOU MIGHT JUST HAVE TO WAIT A BIT
...it's 2 am and i have a science olympiad competition tomorrow... goodbye 3