Hello readers!

It's been a while. But today I had some spare time and I decided to write another chapter for this fiction. This time I chose season 5.

My second child was born on June 2nd. His name is Riccardo (which is the Italian version of Richard). He is gorgeous and he's taking much of my time. His elder sister is lovely with him, and I'm very happy.

I hope life is getting back to normal in your country.

As you know, here in Italy things were awful until the end of April. We spent a "nice" summer, but the fear of a new lockdown is still around the corner. We're trying to behave the best we can. Masks everywhere in public closed places.

Remember: a few rules for a few months can save us all.

Stay safe.

Episode: The One With Chandler's Working Laugh (5x12)

Rachel was reading Vogue when Ross peeked out from behind the door.

"Hey."

"Hi." She greeted him.

She was alone, Monica was out again. She didn't actually know where she was, but she was pretty sure that Chandler was involved with her disapperance.

"Did you have dinner already?"

"Nope."

"Chinese?" Ross suggested.

"Ok, sure."

Ross smiled and got across the room to take the phone.

"Hi. Yeah, I've got an order for two. Yep…One lemon chicken, one wonton soup, one kung pao shrimp, beef Lo Mein for two, vegetable spring rolls for two. Yes, two sets of hashi… 495 Grove Street, ring Geller - Green."

Rachel had a delighted grin on her face at the end of the phone call. Ross still remembered everything she wanted when they ordered Chinese.

Nobody knew what she was craving to eat even without asking her.

Nobody but Ross.

"He said it should be fast, 15 minutes tops."

"Nice. I'm starving."

Ross opened the fridge to grab some water, then he sat at the table with Rachel. She was looking at him with a smirk on her face, but he didn't know why.

"What?" he asked.

"So, are we going to talk about it?" Rachel questioned him.

"About what, exactly?" Ross inquired her, sincerely not understanding what she had in mind.

"Ross! Janice!" Rachel yelled, her voice sounding very much like when she had found out that Ross had hooked up with Chandler's former girlfriend.

Ross shook his head slowly, "Come on, Rach! Can't we just forget about it?

"No, we can't, Ross! How could you possibly go out with Janice? More than once!" Rachel was taunting him, and she knew it, but she couldn't help it.

Ross sighed, maybe he was eventually realizing how crazy that was.

"You know what, I keep wondering. I must have been really out of myself to do something like that, don't you think?"

Rachel stopped smiling, Ross's voice felt so melancholic and…sad.

"Maybe. Or maybe you were just…feeling lonely." She stated quietly.

Ross nodded, maybe he wasn't concealing that very well. "You know me too well."

"Well, you might know what to order when I want Chinese, but I still recognize it when you are not okay." She sadly elaborated.

They shared a knowing glace that mattered more than a thousand words.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know, Rach. I feel like…I'm living in a nightmare. First the divorce, then the eviction…the sabbatical…I had some certain things in my life, and I'm losing them. A few months ago, everything was fine. And now here I am. Second divorce, homeless…and almost unemployed because I went nuts for a freaking sandwich!"

"And" Rachel stressed out, "You got stuck in a pair of leather pants."

Ross glared at her for a few seconds. "Joey told you?!"

"Chandler." Rachel replied fast.

Ross felt even angrier, realizing that Joey had told everyone about his misadventure.

"Ross, how could you possibly justify the fact that you got in here with no pants and something that awfully looked like flour all over your legs?" Rachel recalled the scene, trying not to laugh at his friend again.

"That wasn't flour, it was lotion mixed with powder!" he screamed.

Ross shook his head again, remembering one of the most humiliating moments of his life.

But in the end, he sighed. "Oh, who am I kidding. When I'm buried, my epitaph will say, Greatest idiot on Earth."

Rachel flashed him an amused grin before getting serious again.

"Ross. Everybody must face terrible moments in life. Think about me. When I left Barry at the altar, I had nothing. I don't know what would have been of me, if it hadn't been for Monica. Maybe I would have come back home. I would have asked Barry to forgive me and give me another chance."

"And then you would have been sad and miserable for the rest of your life." Ross noticed.

"True." Rachel agreed. "But I'm trying to make you see, I know what it means to feel lost and empty. Those kinds of feelings make you think you have no future. But you know what the most important thing is?"

"What?"

"Friends." Rachel smiled softly, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "You guys taught me that. Friends can be family, too. And you're so lucky to have your sister among them."

"I know." Ross smiled, considering how much he loved his little sister.

"I want you to know that you can talk with us." She waited a couple of seconds to continue. "You can talk with me." She stated seriously.

"Really?" he asked, not so convinced.

"Of course, Ross!" Rachel lighted up like a matchbox. "We're friends, above all. If you need to blow off steam you don't have to look for a Janice, you can come to me. I'll always be there to listen to you." Rachel placed her hand on his arm, squeezing softly.

Ross smiled sadly, unbelievably happy for Rachel's words. "I'll keep that in mind, thanks."

He grabbed her hand on his wrist and held it for a few seconds.

"So…how are you, honey? Really." Rachel asked, feeling that now Ross was ready to talk about the taboo subject.

Ross shook his head, "Honestly, I don't know."

"You feel lonely because you miss Emily?" Rachel tried and guess.

Ross was surprised by her question, "No…and I really can't understand why. After signing the divorce papers, I was sure I would miss her more than anything. Then I realized that Emily was in my life for what, a couple of months?"

"Yeah, kind of." Rachel nodded.

"Maybe that's why I don't really miss her. I didn't know her that well. Maybe I thought I was in love with her, while in fact I was wrapping myself in the illusion of having someone by my side."

Rachel sighed heavily; she knew too well the feeling. She had felt like that since breaking up with Ross.

"Truth is, I don't miss her. At all."

"And why do you think is that?" Rachel wanted Ross to explore those feelings and look into himself. Hopefully, he would feel better.

"I changed for Emily. I became a different person, someone that…wasn't me. And it was fun for a while, doing all those new things, let my adventurous side get on the surface…But in the end, you can't lie to yourself. You can't deny what you really are. Emily and I were just too different."

Rachel understood his point of view.

"I was another person, with her. I never had to try so hard, before. When I met Carol, she knew how nerd I was. And then with you…"

Rachel kept her breath, because hearing Ross talking about their relationship was always hard for her.

"I didn't need to try with you. You perfectly knew who I was."

"Well, I liked you for what you were, not for what I wanted you to be."

She intentionally said like. Because saying love would have killed her right there.

"I know. Leaving Emily helped me putting things in perspective."

Rachel nodded slowly. She needed to take something off her chest.

"And yet…I can't help but feel responsible."

"For what?" Ross wondered, astonished.

"Come on, Ross. Let's face it. This is all my fault."

Ross squeezed his eyes, trying to convey his amazement to Rachel. "How can any of this be your fault, when I was the idiot who said the name of another woman at the altar?"

"Another woman?" Rachel pointed out.

"Touché." Ross accepted her coming back.

"But it's not just that…" Rachel rubbed her fingers over her forehead. "I keep thinking about that phone call. If I hadn't been there, if I had gone to my room and let you guys eat without me…"

Ross immediately interjected her, grabbing her hands in his, "I was the one who asked you to stay, remember? And you must never feel guilty for what happened."

"I shouldn't?" she murmured.

"Absolutely not. My marriage with Emily was over much before that phone call. The guys tried to make me see that Emily was requesting too much. But I simply couldn't accept it. If you want the truth, our marriage ended the day she asked me never to see you again."

Rachel was shocked by that confession. Her anger resurfaced instantly.

"Then why in hell did you accept that condition?" she snapped, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

Ross knew he deserved that rage, "I didn't want to, Rach. But at that time, all I could think about was that I'd be divorced before my 30s. And I was afraid to be…alone, again."

Rachel finally figured everything out.

Ross was ready to sacrifice their friendship, yes.

But not because he loved Emily more than her.

He was just scared of being left alone.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. It was foolish of me to think that I could cut you out of my life."

Ross needed to confess everything. He was sure that he would never find the courage to face this subject again, so he wanted to be totally honest.

"Who was I kidding?" he kept talking. "We all know you're the most important person to me. You'll always be."

Rachel couldn't stand any other words coming from Ross. She was openly crying, by now.

She blushed when she looked back at him.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"You're welcome." And Ross meant it.

Rachel sighed and sniffed. "Oh God…" She stopped sobbing. "This is the reason you didn't want to talk to me?"

"No…it's just that…I don't want to burden you with all this Emily stuff. I've been eager to speak with you for a while, but every time I tried, I remembered what you told me, you know… the day that Phoebe had the babies…"

Rachel shook her head, "I remember asking you to forget about it."

"I told you I had to, because I was married to Emily. But I never promised you I would."

"But you should, Ross!" Rachel replied, getting angry again. "I'm trying to get over it. God knows how difficult it is, but…now I feel better."

"You think so?" Ross asked her.

"I know so. I've been trying to keep a firm hold on my emotions for two years, Ross. I'm finally getting there. I really want us to be friends, like we once were, like when I first got into the city."

"And we are, Rach." Ross agreed. "You've been an amazing friend to me, lately. I don't know, Monica and Chandler are always busy, lately. It seems I can't never catch up with them. Joey is avoiding me, like he has…something to hide."

Rachel thought about the secret. Joey had something to hide, indeed. And now that she knew, she had something to hide, too. She didn't like the idea of keeping Monica and Chandler's relationship from Ross. But she wasn't sure that he could handle it very well, at that moment.

"And Pheebs…Well, Phoebe is Phoebe." Ross smiled at the thought of their beloved blonde friend. "She's the perfect person to go to when I want to have some fun, but it's hard to trust her with my feelings. Also, she wasn't in London, she doesn't really know how bad things went down there…"

"Yeah…" Rachel smiled, remembering how left out Phoebe had felt for not being in London.

"Anyway…Ross, you can count on me, really. We are friends, we'll always be, this isn't going to change. There was a time when I wanted to ignore you, I tried so hard to erase you from my mind…"

Ross felt the anguish in her words. He knew how hard it had been for him when they had broken up. But maybe he had never really thought about how difficult the ending of their relationship had been for her.

"But you know what?" Rachel sighed and shook her head. "It's impossible. I care about you too much."

Ross was honored and amazed by this incredible woman. The strength that spread from Rachel had always been there to see. But that night she was as bright as a supernova.

Even if she was as incredible as he knew her to be, Ross was looking at Rachel with new eyes, probably for the first time since Montauk.

"I hope it's obvious that the same goes for me, Rach." Ross admitted.

"Would I be here, if that wasn't that obvious?" Rachel quipped.

They both share a good laugh together.

"Ok, now that we made things clear…tell me about Janice. How was she?" Rachel asked, curiosity killing her.

"Please, Rach." Ross chuckled. "Let's talk about something else. I'm trying to forget that Janice ever happened."

"Was she that bad?" Rachel wondered.

Ross raised his eyebrows with a knowing look on his face, "I really have to answer?"

"Yes! Let's pretend that I'm Joey!" Rachel tried and help him.

"Ok…ok…Well, Joey…" Rachel smiled winningly at Ross. "Janice wasn't…that bad. Maybe now I know why Chandler liked her so much."

They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. And then they burst out laughing.

They hadn't been laughing together like that for a very long time.

And it felt – oh, so good.

When Ross's laughter stopped, he looked intently at her. "Thank you, Rachel."

She smiled back, grabbing his hand. "You're very welcome."

They remained quiet for a while. Sitting at that familiar table, holding hands, watching at each other.

On one hand, Ross.

Thinking that maybe things would never be like before. They couldn't be together anymore. His life was such a mess. He was divorcing again; he was looking for a new place. Damn, he wasn't even working! And Rachel deserved so much better than that.

She deserved someone not as broken as he felt right now.

And all he ever wanted was for Rachel to have the best.

Maybe that was the new perspective he had been needing all along.

His relationship with Emily had ended in tragedy, but all the drama had achieved its purpose. Being with Emily had made Ross understand that Rachel deserved a perfect man, someone breathtaking, someone incredible.

Someone.

Not him.

On the other hand, Rachel.

As much as she wanted to keep her emotions at bay, she knew deep down that things would hardly change.

Rachel loved this man. She felt something for him that she knew she would never feel for anybody else. And those intense feelings would always lingering underneath, never fading away.

But she had to try, for both of them.

Right then, Ross needed a friend; so, Rachel had to move on, for good. And that was the hardest part, the thing she had never really managed to do.

A few months before, she had scared off Joshua, asking him to marry her because she was sad. Danny never stood a chance – even if that was…a bit of his fault.

Rachel realized right then that she couldn't lie to herself.

Until she found a man capable to make her forget about Ross, she would never really move on from him.

The knock at the door revived them from their thoughts.

"Chinese!" someone said from outside the apartment.

"It's our dinner." Ross stated.

They looked at each other again, then they reluctantly let go of their hands. Rachel casted him a shy smile before getting up. She walked towards the door, but before she could open it, Ross interjected her.

"Hey, Rach." He called her.

"Yeah?"

Ross smiled, "The next time that your boss's niece knocks at that door…please, don't introduce me."

Rachel chuckled. "You got it."