"Jean, don't get ahead of yourself," I murmured. "It was nothing. He was just being nice. But what if he wasn't? What if it meant something? Or what if... maybe... ugh..."

The light evening breeze of my hideaway graced my shoulders as I blabbered to myself. I thought I'd be able to relax and get some painting done. Instead, my doubts decided to speak up, as they always do when I'm alone.

What was his reaction? Was he just humoring me when he was actually weirded out? Or is just business as usual for him? Did he like it at all? He didn't seem bothered when I woke up, but he could've just been smiling for me. He brushed my hair, though. So gently, too. I sighed. I'd give anything to know what his face looked like. The closest I've ever gotten to him, and I still don't have a clear answer. Just a bunch of what-ifs and maybes.

Still... he let me do it. He didn't fight. I felt him tense up for only a second... and then he seemed fine.

And I loved every second of it. I'd do it again too. It's like... his warmth was the only blanket I needed.

I chuckled. Did I just think that? He's turning me into some shabby poet. Or more like... he's playing with my heart. That's what he's doing, whether he knows it or not.

I wonder how many other secretaries have done similar things. Surely Akagi's done it several times. She probably went a step further and let him use her tits as a pillow. Hell, I reckon that horny fox would demand it.

And Dunkerque's pretty bold and gives him hugs without a second thought. Taking a nap on the commander's shoulder would be a cakewalk for her.

I won't lie... I wish I could hug him out of the blue like that. I bet his hugs feel amazing. When I was next to him, it just felt like all was right in the world, if only for that moment.

My heart's tingling. My face feels warm too. Shiver me timbers... the commander doesn't even need to be here to make me blush. All these corny thoughts...

...it had to mean something, right? He wouldn't let just anyone...

…actually, he probably would. The dumbass is surrounded by pretty girls every day. Way prettier than me, and all vying for his attention. There's no way I'm special. I'm just another face on that list, nothing more.

Anyway, back to my painting. I'm finished with the yellow... I think I need some gray next.

I grabbed my smaller brush and swirled it in the pool of gray paint on my brush. I usually don't use gray. There's no gray to see from my hideout unless it's stormy. I didn't feel like painting the view this time, though. I wanted to do something more... cathartic. Something my heart won't let me stop thinking about.

Maybe modern, more abstract art ain't as dumb as I thought. It kinda hurts to paint what's in your heart. It's cathartic, though.

I sighed as I finished painting a single silver coin, sitting atop a bunch of gold coins.

"You're a real piece of work, Jean."

Sunset at the pier. I leaned on the railing, taking all the majesty. The view from my hideaway is awesome, but this? This is something else. The fiery sky as the sun sets below the horizon, igniting the rolling sea below with flames of red, orange, and purple. All slowly being quenched by the dark blue of night as the moon takes the sun's place in the sky. No clouds obscured the heavens' majesty, and not a single sound except the ocean waves brushing against the pier. I love my hideaway, but this is just as beautiful, if not more. Besides, a change of scenery every now and then is nice.

I took my jacket off so I could feel the brisk sea breeze. Ah... that's good...

I just wish I had someone to share this with...

...Commander.

I sighed. There's so much I wish I could say to him. I wish I could be special. Easier said than done, though. Plenty of other girls here know more about love affairs than I do. They could get into his heart with a snap of a finger. I have moxie on the battlefield, but love? Forget it.

"Jeanie?"

Hmph... I'd know that voice anywhere.

"Richelieu," I said. "Bonsoir."

"Bonsoir," Richelieu said. "What's my little sister up to?"

"Just enjoying the sunset," I said. "You?"

"I came to do the same," Richelieu said. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"I guess not," I said.

Richelieu smiled, leaning on the rail next to me.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Richelieu said. "This harbor has the most amazing views."

"Yeah..." I mumbled.

"Jeanie, are you okay?" Richelieu asked.

"I'm fine," I said. "Why?"

"You sound sad," Richelieu said.

I shook my head. "It's nothing."

Richelieu didn't look convinced. "You know that I heard you crying last night, right?"

I pursed my lips. "Algerie told me."

"And you haven't been acting like yourself," Richelieu said. "Tell me what's going on."

This is really the theme for today, isn't it? Getting backed into corners. First Algerie, then the commander himself, and now Richelieu. I almost wonder if they're conspiring.

Damn... ain't like I can just walk away either.

"Come now, Jeanie," Richelieu said. "If there's something burning you, the best thing to do is let it out. You and I have our differences, but I'll listen to anything you have to say, and it'll stay between us."

"Richelieu, this is something completely different," I said. "It has nothing to do with our past quarrels."

"Does it have to do with having your hull destroyed by the Sirens?" Richelieu asked.

"Nah," I said. "Nothing some repairs won't fix."

"Has the commander been overworking you?" she asked.

"I can handle the workload just fine," I said. "As tedious as it can be."

"Does it involve the commander at all?" Richelieu said.

My stomach dropped slightly. She was getting warmer, and I really didn't want her to.

"...yes," I said begrudgingly. I already told Algerie yes, so she'd find out eventually. No use in lying.

Richelieu contemplated for a moment.

"Hmm... interesting," she said. "This wouldn't have to do with... you napping on the commander's shoulder, would it?"

"Guh!" I grunted. Richelieu instantly grinned. "H-How do you know about that?!"

Richelieu giggled. "I delivered reports earlier to his office and I saw it for myself. You looked so peaceful and had a lovely smile on your face. It was so cute."

"Ergh..." I grumbled.

"Oh my, I've never seen your face so red," Richelieu said.

"Don't mock me!" I blurted.

"Jeanie, is all this fuss simply because you want affection from him?" Richelieu asked.

...damn. She hit the nail right on the head. Suddenly I wasn't vexed at her for making fun of me anymore. Just blushing so hard I could probably camouflage myself against the sunset.

"...I-I wouldn't mind a little, I guess," I said.

I don't think I've ever seen such a big grin on Richelieu's face.

"My, oh my!" Richelieu said. "My sister's soft side has finally surfaced!"

"It ain't like that!" I said. "I just like napping on his shoulder. And... maybe I wouldn't mind hug... or two... or..."

Richelieu raised an eyebrow. Ugh... I wasn't even convincing myself with that blabbering.

"And here I thought you weren't a huggy person," Richelieu said.

I pursed my lips. "I-I wouldn't mind one from him."

She giggled. "Oh, how precious! Maybe one day he'll earn the privilege to call you Jeanie?"

"Damn it, don't say things like that!" I said. "Y-You're making me blush."

"Alright, alright," Richelieu said. "Apologies. It's hard to help myself when you look so cute!"

"Hmph..." I grunted.

"Why so grumpy, Jeanie?" Richelieu asked. "I would think you'd be happy. After all, you're the secretary ship, right? The closest ship to him."

"You don't understand, it's so frustrating!" I said. "I'm one of the strongest battleships ever built, but I can't get a god damn word out in front of the commander. He makes me feel so weak... like I'm stepping on landmines. It's not my fault he has such big eyes... so why am I being punished?"

"Well... you managed to sleep on his shoulder, didn't you?" Richelieu asked.

"I guess..." I said. "I didn't even ask for that, though. I was just so tired, and I had to pick between the side with the commander and the side without."

"Is that so?" Richelieu said. "Hmm... perhaps that's the key then?"

"Whaddya mean?" I asked.

"It seems to me that you're having trouble rationalizing your feelings," Richelieu said. "Admittedly, it's uncharted territory for me as well. But perhaps the strategy is... not to rationalize them. In other words, just try it and see what happens. If you want a hug, ask for a hug. If you want to rest on his shoulder again, just ask. Or perhaps you can take the initiative yourself like you did earlier."

"But... what if he doesn't want that?" I asked.

Richelieu shrugged. "Then you both move on. I think what I'm trying to say is... let your heart speak more. Obviously, you don't want to overwhelm the commander and drive him away, but don't be so closed off either. Opening your softer side doesn't make you weak, Jeanie. In fact, it just might be the key to win him over."

Well... maybe Richelieu's onto something. I guess I kinda did act on impulse when I napped on his shoulder. No second thoughts. And I got to feel him brush my hair as a reward.

"Maybe there's something to that?" I said.

"If nothing else, I'd say resting on his shoulder is a good start," Richelieu said with a wink. "Who knows? If you really do well with him, he might ask you to the Royal Navy ball, hmm?"

"Hmph..." I said. "I wouldn't count on it. There's plenty of better choices."

"I wouldn't jump to conclusions, Jeanie," Richelieu said. "You are the secretary ship. If there's anyone with the best chance to sway him before the ball, it's you."

I shook my head. "I'd say you, Algerie, or Dunkerque have better odds than me. The commander probably wants someone more ladylike. God knows that ain't me. Not to mention you're all prettier than me."

Ergh... just saying that made my heart wrench.

"What? Nonsense!" Richelieu said. "You're amazing and beautiful, Jeanie. If the commander can't see that, then he doesn't deserve you."

I managed a chuckle.

"Well, I guess that'd make my life easier," I said. "I ain't gonna get my hopes up. Pretty much everyone is hoping to be his date."

"But like I said, you're the secretary ship," Richelieu said. "He sees you every day. I wouldn't count yourself out at all."

I sighed. "We'll see."

Richelieu giggled. "I'm excited for you!"

I blushed again. "Listen, you better keep your promise. Do not tell anyone about this okay? Not Dunkerque. Not Algerie. Nobody!"

Richelieu smiled, making the sign of a cross. "As God as my witness, I will not utter a word to anyone."

"Good," I said.

"I hope I could help a little," Richelieu said. "I know it's probably not a comfortable subject for you."

I pursed my lips. "Talking about it helped, I'll admit. Just try not to bring it up too much unless something major happens."

Richelieu nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."

I barely noticed that the sun had gone down during our conversation. The sky was now completely darkened and full of stars, with moonlight filling the sea with silver.

"Oh my, how long have we been chatting?" Richelieu said. "Why don't we return to the dorms? Dunkerque started baking when I left. Perhaps she has some treats for us now."

Mm, I could go for one of Dunkerque's sweets right now. I hope some of them are lemon.

Richelieu gestured for me to follow, and together we walked back to the dorms.

Well... I wasn't expecting to share my secret with anyone today. I can trust Richelieu to keep a secret, though. And I have to admit, it's relieving to vent about it.

Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm overthinking things. Getting to nap on his shoulder could be proof. That'll all depend if I can stop choking in front of him, though. Sometimes his eyes just get to me. Stupid crush...

Only time will tell, I guess. Ugh... what a long day. Hopefully I'll feel more confident tomorrow after some repairs and training exercises.

Wanted to get this out for the holidays. I tried to add something more grandiose for the holidays, but all the things I tried ended up being too forced. I decided to just keep it simple with some character building and leave it at that. Patience is a virtue when writing this. Believe me, there's LOT of scenes I wanna write, but I have to wait till the moment is right. Anyway, happy holidays, and see you in Ch.14. Cheers.