Author's Note
Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!
The theme song for this chapter is Say Something by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera. In particular, during the scene where Mae and Jacob talk at the end. The other song for this chapter is Lost by Kris Allen.
PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(
Ch 11: Lost - Mae
Year 6 - 2011-2012
June
"What does this do?" Mae asked, holding up a twisted metal tube that looked a little like an uncoiling snake.
Rose's eyes flicked over, and she answered, "That is the air injection pump." She kept working as she spoke, tightening a bolt in the engine of Mae's Volvo. A gift from her father when she started school. Esme had explained that Edward used to have a Volvo when her parents met, and that's why he'd picked that particular car for her. It made her smile to think about. "It pumps clean air into the exhaust stream," Rose explained.
The day before, Rose had said her engine sounded funny and that she'd check it out. Curiosity had driven Mae to follow her aunt into the garage, and watch as Rose worked.
"Why is it important?" Mae asked. There were so many different parts. Like a puzzle, they all fit together perfectly. It was sort of fascinating. Definitely engrossing to sort out what they all did and how they interacted.
"It ensures a cleaner, complete burn before the fumes exit the car," Rose said, and Mae heard the amusement barely concealed in her tone.
Rose, more than almost any of the others, loved teaching her new things. She loved having Mae's attention focused solely on her, and being the one to help Mae make discoveries.
"Where does it go?" Mae asked, knowing her persistent questions weren't pestering her aunt, and because she really was curious.
"Do you have plans this summer?" Rose asked suddenly.
Jackie and Trinity had gone home for the summer, and they each lived too far to make visiting easy. Besides, they were both excited to spend time with their friends from high school who would be home as well.
"I applied for a job, but -"
"You're going to work?" Rose asked, shocked, but with a touch of approval.
That was the other thing about her aunt. She loved when Mae did normal things, or showed signs of progressing. Unlike Bella, Rose found it reassuring rather than frightening or bittersweet. And it was normal to get a part time job in college. Before that, honestly, but Mae's rapidly altering appearance had prevented her from being able to before now.
"I applied at one of the art galleries in town a couple days ago, but I haven't heard back yet," Mae confessed.
She was hoping to get a little more exposure to the world of art. Possibly see if she'd ever be able to sell any of her photos. This fall, she was planning on taking two more art classes, film and photography. Just thinking about it gave her a thrill of anticipation.
"You should call them, and check on the status. Be persistent," Rosalie encouraged. It was good advice. She'd read something about that when she'd been putting together her resume, and preparing for an interview if she was lucky enough to get one.
"Thanks, Auntie Rose," Mae said, hugging her, headless of the grease stains no doubt getting on her clothes as she did.
"In the meantime, though," Rosalie said, redirecting the conversation back to the initial reason she asked, "what do you think about taking the engine apart and rebuilding it? That way I can answer all of your questions, show you how it works and where everything goes."
"That sounds... amazing actually," Mae said, bouncing excitedly on her toes at the prospect.
For the rest of that summer, Mae was either busy working at Artisans' Gallery - because she did get the job, rebuilding her car's engine with Rosalie, taking pictures, making films, or hanging out with Tess, a girl she worked with at the gallery. For the first time ever, there wasn't enough time in the day to do everything she wanted to do. It was a good problem to have.
August
Mae's favorite class was the film making class. It was an intro level, but they had small units on all the different aspects of making a film, and the semester was dedicated to creating one by the end of the semester that would be counted as their final exam. They had partners in the class for borrowing and operating the equipment, and Mae was paired with a girl named Callie.
Callie was sweet with a wicked sense of humor, and an obsession with Korean drama shows even though she had to watch with the subtitles to understand them. She was extremely petite, and had perfect porcelain skin and chin-length straight black hair. Her parents were from South Korea, and had moved to the US a few years before she was born. And every day she would munch on flaky pieces of seaweed during class.
While Mae still spent time with Trinity and Jackie, she ended up spending most of her time with Callie. The two had very similar interests, and could geek out for hours in front of a computer editing video clips, graphics, and pictures.
Almost a month into the school year, the two made plans to catch a performance that weekend since Callie's favorite band was playing at a bar just off campus. The group was local, and something about their name, Whiskey Sin, struck a familiar cord in Mae. It was two days before she remembered where she'd heard the name before.
Caleb.
A guy she'd had a class the previous spring with. He was one of the few guys she'd met that she actually was friends with. They'd gone to dinner and a movie, but she'd just not felt it. He'd been nice to her during class afterwards, not weird like others typically were when she declined a second date.
"Mae, wow, I really didn't expect to hear from you again," Caleb said when she called him that Wednesday.
"I'm actually not calling for myself. Not exactly anyways," Mae said, hoping to avoid a misunderstanding right off the bat.
"Ah, well, this should be good then," Caleb said, chuckling slightly.
"Do you remember telling me about that band, Whiskey Sin? My friend told me they're in town playing this weekend, and I just thought I'd pass it along," Mae explained. She'd never tried to set someone up before, just watched others do it in movies. They always seemed to find natural segways to casually work into conversation. Quickly, she was discovering that it wasn't as easy as it seemed. If only she had a script or something to follow!
"Just to clarify, you're not… using girl talk or something equally indecipherable to ask me out, are you?" Caleb asked, and Mae thought she detected a muffled laugh coming from him.
"No! No, no, nothing like that," she insisted frantically.
"Got it. One no would have worked," Caleb said lightly, his amusement entirely unrestrained at this point. Well, at least he wasn't taking offense at her clear indication that she didn't want to go out with him again.
"Oh man, I'm totally screwing this up," Mae muttered, rubbing a hand over her face. Her skin was extra warm to the touch, and she knew if she could see her face, it'd be flaming red.
"You're trying to set me up with a friend," Caleb guessed.
"More, I was hoping to arrange a chance meeting, and let you both figure things out from there without my help," Mae admitted, adding, "but I guess I sort of blew that."
Caleb was silent for a solid minute, then he asked, "You really think I'd like her?"
"Yeah, you're both great," Mae said sincerely. Their humor lined up, and from what she remembered, their taste in music was not the only other thing they'd have in common.
"Aw, thanks. I didn't realize you cared so much," Caleb teased. His ability to roll with any situation and not take things too seriously was part of the reason he was the only guy friend she'd made the entire year. The rest made it clear they wanted to date her, and took offense when she didn't feel the same.
"Shut it," Mae quipped, rolling her eyes.
"You're a pretty good judge of people from what I can remember. What time should I be there, and since you're not exactly the best mastermind, should I just join you guys?" he asked, surprising her. She'd not really expected him to agree, especially after she'd bumbled through the process of asking, though this facet of his personality was precisely why Mae had believed he'd get on well with Callie. They both possessed Puckish romantic streaks.
"Really?"
"Sure, why not?"
"I really wasn't very subtle."
"Not a bit," he agreed.
"Yeah, just meet us there. They're playing out behind Bud's. Meet us Friday at 8?" she suggested, knowing she'd have to warn Callie about what she'd done.
"Sounds like a plan. And, Mae? Thanks," Caleb said.
"Maybe you should meet her before you thank me," Mae suggested, but the prospect of them getting along made her grin.
September
They were having unseasonably warm weather this year, so Callie suggested they rent a boat on one of the reservoirs for the day with Caleb, and one of his teammates, Gabriel. They both swam for UW. Caleb and Callie had been together for almost a month at this point, and Mae liked taking credit for initiating their connection.
They'd been out for hours, doing cannonballs off the side of the boat, swimming, skiing, and munching on snacks. Well, the guys had devoured several coolers worth of food, but Callie and Mae had just munched, Callie, because she was a dainty eater, and Mae, because she still hated human food - despite suffering through it for appearance sake on a regular basis over the last year.
"How do you get your skin to glow like that?" Callie asked, pointing at the pearly sheen on Mae's legs where she was laying on her towel across the front of the boat.
"It's a fancy lotion my aunt got me - waterproof, even," Mae said, acting like it was no big deal. Alice had warned that was the best way to get her friends not to pay too much attention to her differences. Like how even after a day out during a cloudless day in a bikini, her ivory-toned skin would absolutely refuse to adopt a sun-kissed appearance.
"I need to get some," Callie said, tone more admiring than envious.
"She picked it up in Paris for my birthday. Some little boutique she found. I can find out for you," Mae offered, assuming Alice could find an adequate substitute if it became necessary.
"Uh, nevermind. There's no way any exclusive French body product is in my budget," Callie laughed, falling back on her towel.
"That's okay, I like the green apple stuff you use," Caleb said, surprising them by scooping Callie up and tossing her into the water, then immediately jumping in after her.
Mae grabbed her camera and snapped a couple shots of Callie sputtering as she broke the surface then a few more of her splashing a laughing Caleb. Candid photos of people were her favorite moments to capture. Like tiny glimpses into their emotional states and private thoughts. It was the individual moments that defined a person's life, and with her camera, she could piece a story together. Maybe not the full tale, but perhaps a better version or one that felt more authentic to her. Plus it was fun to fill in the blanks however she wanted. Everyone got a happily ever after that way.
"He's really happy, you did good setting them up," Gabriel said, taking Callie's place beside Mae and smiling as he watched his friend dunk Callie underwater.
"I thought so too," Mae admitted.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Hmph. I can already guess," Mae said, noting his tone in addition to the topic of conversation. Caleb had warned his friend that Mae wouldn't take his interest in her seriously.
"Do you enjoy meeting new people?"
The question surprised her. No one that questioned her dating life had asked that of her. "Yes, actually. I find hu-people fascinating," she confessed. "Everyone has a story to tell. Interesting backgrounds. Hopes. Ambitions. I love hearing about it all."
It was part of why she went out as often as she did. She'd no idea how different and complex humans were after growing up surrounded by vampires. She'd expected them to be more predictable and generic, interchangeable almost, after hearing how her family talked about them. But that's not what she discovered. Not at all.
"So the dating, it's secretly a psychology project. You've devised a science experiment, and we're all your test subjects, but we just don't know it," he guessed, mock serious.
"Something like that," she said, glad that he was joking about it instead of making unflattering assumptions or giving her a hard time the way some did. Not to mention, his playful suggestion was sort of spot on.
"Where do I rank?" he asked, revealing a touch of genuine curiosity. When she hesitated to tell him the truth, he added, "Caleb said you never go out with anyone twice. I wondered if I would be the exception. I have this feeling you're looking for something very particular. Do I have it?"
"I like you, I do, but I don't think you do," Mae acknowledged quietly, actually a little disappointed. He was more intelligent than most of the guys, and he seemed to understand her a little bit better. But it wasn't enough. She was certain she'd feel a stronger pull towards him if he was meant for her or worth investigating deeper.
"What do you want?"
"Would you be mad if I admitted that I don't know what that something even is, but that I'm certain I'll know when I find it," Mae said truthfully, half expecting this to be the thing that made him lash out. She'd come to learn that most guys didn't handle rejection very well. It wounded their ego, and typically, resulted in them saying hurtful things that were meant to elicit feelings of self-doubt or inadequacies.
"Good luck in your search. But maybe you should think about trying to be happy with someone you like, and seeing if that elusive something develops on its own. Just a suggestion - take it or leave it as you will."
Surprisingly, things didn't get weird or awkward after that. Gabriel was more mature than most of the guys she'd met, and they all still had fun for the remainder of the day. So far, Caleb had been the only other guy she'd managed to remain friendly with once she'd made it clear they'd only ever be friends. Made sense considering they were best friends.
October
Jackie had talked Mae, Trinity and Mae's friend from work, Tess, into going to a rodeo happening in Cheyenne that weekend. A friend of hers from high school, Kevin, was competing in it, and she'd promised to come watch. Mae suspected she had a lingering crush on him, but Jackie adamantly denied any such thing.
At one point, Mae noticed a horse tied to a rail, and for some reason, it seemed to be watching her. The massive animal was all black, sleek. Its coat shone with sweat, glistening like so much glaze on a pastry. It was beautiful, and actually reminded her a little of Sam in his wolf form. They were approximately the same size and color.
The second she was within reach of the mammoth animal, it shied back, whinnying anxiously. Mae tried lifting her hands to calm him, but he jerked his head, tugging on the leather binding him and sidestepping nervously, desperate to get away.
"Ever been on one?" a guy asked, watching her from a little ways away.
"No," Mae admitted, surveying the man with interest from his cowboy boots to the matching, dusty hat. His jeans were tight, and his flannel shirt was stretched taut over his solid chest. The brim of his hat did little to mask his dark piercing eyes - her personal favorite color. "My Papa grew up on a ranch in Texas, but I've never been near one before."
"Are you nervous?"
"Not really, why?"
"They can sense it. Apollo is usually pretty friendly unless you're skittish with him," the guy said, one side of his mouth tipping up as he watched her try to approach the horse, Apollo, again. He neighed, throwing his head back, and lifting his front feet in an attempt to escape. Maybe he sensed that she was a predator by nature.
"I'm more of a dog person," Mae said lightly, smiling at her private joke. "He yours?"
"Yep," the guy said, stepping over to lay a soothing hand on the frightened horse's neck.
"So you named him?" she asked, noting the sly twitch of his lips as he nodded. "You do know Apollo is the sun god, and he's dark as night."
"I was going for something ironic."
"Maybe it is appropriate. You said he can read people. Apollo was also the god of foresight," Mae acknowledged.
"People typically overlook that for the more obvious - if they even know anything at all," he replied, looking at her with even more interest than he had before. It was exciting, knowing the effect she had, and knowing that if she gave the slightest indication that she was interested, he'd jump at the chance. Ordinarily, she hardly noticed, but for some reason, this guy intrigued her. Maybe it was his obvious maleness and earthy appearance. He was rugged, a trait that appealed to her.
"You should never discount knowledge of the future," Mae said coyly, thinking of her aunt. Alice was going to get a kick out of this when she shared it with her later.
"You don't honestly believe in that sort of nonsense, do you?" he said, frowning at her.
"I believe in things I've seen and experienced for myself," she answered truthfully.
"Well… that was deliberately vague. But at least you're not one of those freaky horoscope chicks or a nut job claiming to have ESP or something," he said with such condescension and derision that she could partially feel it dripping down like drops of rain.
And just like that, her interest vanished.
That was precisely how Alice had once been treated. Belittled, locked up, and experimented on as a result of that fear and superstition. Gifts such as that did exist, and it was close-minded to write people off just because they were a little bit different.
The guy she'd gone to the movies with the night before was more appealing, and he'd been so nervous that she'd smelled anxious body odor for most of the night, and had to wash her clothes the minute she got home to get rid of the scent. At least he'd not been unintentionally insulting.
"Good luck with… " she said, eager to depart.
"Bronc riding," he supplied.
"On Apollo?" she asked, curious if he rode the beautiful horse to do it. She wouldn't fault the horse for having a biggoted owner.
"Naw. He's too sweet. I'm hoping I can get an ornery one tonight and show off since I'm betting you'll be in the stands watching," he boasted, making her dislike him even more. How was it possible he was this oblivious to her disdain?
"Cocky," she accused, attempting to insult him by asking, "What makes you think I'm not here for a real cowboy?"
"Ouch. Honey, we're all cowboys here. But I bet you meant a bull rider - easy mistake for a newbie to make. And I know you're not, because you're sensible. And I'm betting you don't like to share," he said, acting like he could read her. "They care more about the fame than anything else." Somehow she doubted he was much different.
"Hmm," she hummed noncommittally, and strolled back to her friends, leaving him without another word.
"AJ's a nice guy. Bit full of himself, but most of the guys around here are. I've known him for years," Kevin offered, having noticed who she was talking to.
"Don't bother. She's not actually interested," Jackie said, nudging him playfully with her shoulder. Yeah, no way Jackie had feelings for the guy. Mae definitely believed her.
"Sorry, she's right," Mae admitted. "Not really my type."
"Understandable," Kevin agreed, nodding. "But do me a favor? Let him down easy. He really is one of the good ones - at least of those around here today."
Mae wasn't all that surprised when AJ found her after his event. Keeping Kevin's request in mind, she said, "Nicely done. I was thoroughly impressed."
"Yeah? Thanks! Want to stick around afterwards? I can show you how to ride Apollo," he offered, moving to take a seat beside her.
"Probably not a good idea. He didn't seem too fond of me," she said, offering an 'Oh well' shrug for good measure.
"You just need to come around more often so he gets used to you. There's another rodeo in Fort Collins next weekend," AJ suggested hopefully.
"I don't really think I'm a rodeo type of girl, sorry," Mae said gently, but met his eyes as she said it, so he'd catch her drift.
"I had to try," he said, sighing and standing up to look down at her.
"Good luck," she offered, glancing away and summarily dismissing him.
February
Shock had her frozen in her car. She'd been sitting there for close to three hours, totally unsure what to do other than watch the steadily falling snow blanketing the campus in a fluffy, pristine coat of icy white shining like so many crystal prisms.
The scent of blood had alerted her in class. Not the most unheard of thing when surrounded by humans. Except it was coming from her.
Mae had discretely excused herself from class, found the nearest restroom, and discovered she was having her first period - exactly two weeks after she realized her body was no longer changing. Her hair had stopped getting longer, and she'd stopped needing to cut her nails every two or three days because they grew so fast she worried her friends would notice. Those first couple days had seemed so strange when she didn't wake up and discover a sizable difference from when she'd gone to bed the night before.
She'd frozen into her immortality months earlier than expected. Nahuel had said his sisters stopped aging sooner than he had, and looked a little younger than him. But Mae had expected to continue aging for at least another five months if not longer. Confusion had kept her from mentioning anything to her family. Specifically Carlisle. Their enhanced senses meant they probably noticed, even if they'd not brought it up either. Although she did take pains to keep people from seeing, so she might have successfully hidden it even from them. But she'd not been prepared for this.
In fact, she'd resigned herself to never going through this or experiencing what else it could mean for her.
The idea of going home just then turned her stomach, and caused a sharp tightening sensation to expand outward from her midsection. Were those cramps? Wonderful. So this was to be a complete experience.
Seriously, did this have to happen now? It was bad enough that her whole family would be able to smell it - she didn't know how Bella had handled the mortification when she'd been human - but Esme had finally convinced Edward to move from Alaska a few weeks ago. Mae was certain she'd die from embarrassment if Edward read her mind right now. She needed answers if she was going to regain her composure before facing him. He'd completely freak out if he heard her panic.
There was only one person in the world she could call right now that had any hope of answering her questions, or putting her in touch with someone that could.
"Hi," Mae said weakly.
"Hello, Renesmee," Nahuel said cheerfully, her name coming out as thick and sweet as honey. She shivered, the sound caressing her cheek and dancing down her spine.
"You don't happen to have a way that I could get in touch with Jennifer, do you?" she asked, adopting a casual tone.
He'd gone to visit his sister about a year ago, deciding it was time for him to have an adventure of his own after she'd told him that she'd taken his advice and started college. Between her prodding and his witnessing of her family ties, he'd been inspired to develop closer ties with his own family, and had spent several months getting to know Jennifer, and as far as Mae knew, they'd stayed in touch since his return to Huilen in Chile.
"I do actually. She recently warned me you'd probably be calling sometime in the next year," Nahuel said suggestively.
It only took a second before Mae blurted, "You know what's happening to me."
"Yes. It's the natural way of things," Nahuel said easily.
Mortification swamped her, like getting caught in quicksand - there was no escape. The more she resisted, the more she sank. Somehow it was even worse that he'd known to expect this to happen to her body when she'd been entirely unprepared.
Carlisle had concluded years ago that it wouldn't happen. He'd predicted it would happen around her first birthday, assuming she'd start then and continue until she stopped aging, but it never made an appearance. After two years, he'd concluded that she wouldn't because her body was as incapable of reproducing as other female vampires were, and that her body was focusing it's resources on aging, not reproducing. That knowledge had been a blow, particularly when Leah made the decision to quit phasing because she wanted to start a family, but there was nothing to be done about it, so she'd tried not to dwell on the unfortunate facts.
"This is not happening," Mae muttered, groaning as she banged her head against the headrest of her seat.
"I'll text you her number, but there's really nothing you should be embarrassed about," Nahuel said sympathetically. Of course he would say that. He wasn't the one it was happening to! No girl wanted a hot guy talking to them about their period, or worse, being the one to educate them about it.
"Easy for you to say," Mae grumbled.
"Do you already have plans for this winter - your summer?" Nahuel asked, throwing her with the change of subject.
"No… why?" she asked slowly.
"I'd like to see you again. Perhaps you could visit - without your family," he said meaningfully, emphasizing the last bit.
"Umm," she hedged, not really knowing what he meant by the request, she'd offered to visit last summer before she'd gotten a job and ended up too busy to have visited anyways, but he'd not wanted her to. So why now, when summer was still months away?
"Things could be different between us now," he stated plainly. "Now that you're grown, we can be together."
"Oh!" Mae gasped, feeling her jaw fall open as he made his intentions for them clear. It brought the memory of the crush she'd had on him to the forefront of her mind.
"You're surprised? I'd thought you understood my desires. You weren't ready before, but things have changed with this development," he said frankly.
As thrilled as she was to hear that he thought of her romantically, because she could definitely picture it happening, her excitement dimmed at the idea that he only wanted her now because she'd provided proof that she was grown, rather than trusting her to know herself well enough. It somehow tarnished the potential they'd once had.
"I've sort of had enough surprises for one day. Can I get back to you about that? Plus sort out the logistics," she said noncommittally.
"Of course, my apologies. I'll help you get in contact with Jennifer, then we can discuss this more later," he agreed quickly, seeming to understand that she had other things on her mind right then.
"Super," she said, drumming up at least a little sarcasm if not actual enthusiasm.
The text came through within seconds of them disconnecting, and she called Nahuel's sister immediately.
"Jennifer? Hi. This is Renesmee," Mae said awkwardly. "Nahuel -"
"Nahuel just messaged me. He is a good friend to you. You must be feeling very uncomfortable about right now," Jennifer said, sounding highly amused at Mae's expense. Only the knowledge that she'd been in this position herself, kept Mae from snapping at the girl.
"That's one way of putting it," Mae sighed.
"I had my sisters to explain, but I'll help you if you'd like," Jennifer offered.
"Yes, please," Mae said tersely, just wanting this part to be over already. It was miserable discussing this with a complete stranger, particularly as her abdominal cramped, constricting painfully.
"You have, for the most part, a normal female body - if enhanced," she said, a touch smugly.
"Yes - I'm aware," Mae prodded, that much at least was obvious already.
"That means a finite number of eggs to be released," Jennifer explained, and Mae was beginning to see where the discussion was going. "With me so far?"
"Mhh," she agreed, restraining herself from saying, Get on with it already.
"The problem is… your body wants to freeze, and everything is accelerated."
"Meaning? Sorry, but you're going to have to give me a bit more than that." Way to pick a time to start getting vague, she mentally cursed.
"Shorter, more frequent periods until they stop altogether," Jennifer said bluntly.
"Oh. That actually... makes a lot of sense. What kind of time frame are we talking about?"
"Your period will last about a day - heavy, sorry, but at least it's only for about twenty-four hours at a time. And it will happen twice a month," Jennifer specified, adding, "For almost twenty years."
"And after that?" Mae asked, assuming the answer, but seeking verification.
"It stops," she stated flatly.
"What about… " she started to ask, but couldn't say the words. The realization that kids might actually be possible for her was too much to hope.
"Neither of my sisters ever tried," Jennifer replied, seeming to follow her train of thought despite the silence of her question. "Serena, at least, thought she'd have time later, but it stopped before she'd been ready."
"Have you?"
"For about a decade now. I want a child. Desperately. And not because my father wanted me to, but because I want one. I'm not sure if the problem is that the men I've tried with are human, or if we just can't. But whatever the case, it hasn't happened yet. I'm twenty-one. I've got a few years left to try, but I'm starting to lose hope. If it's because we can only reproduce with other hybrids, then I'm screwed because Nahuel is the only male we know of, and he's my brother. Guess it's good news for you though," Jennifer said, speaking so quickly, and throwing so much information at Mae that she was struggling to process it all.
"Have you thought about trying with a vampire?"
"And end up like my mother? No thank you," she said snarkily, drawing out the word no.
There was an unnecessary cattiness to Jennfier that Mae found off-putting. A few of the things she'd said, if delivered in a slightly different voice, would have been quite funny, but as they were, were almost entitled and snobbish. If this was how Nahuel's sister with the least contact with Joham behaved, she dreaded encountering the other two.
"Thank you, Jennifer," Mae said, digesting what she'd learned.
"Let me know when you decide about Nahuel. It'd be nice if at least one of us got a happy ending," Jennifer requested.
Only then did she remember the remark Jennifer made about them possibly being able to have a baby. Just because she thought she wanted kids one day, didn't mean she wanted to think about having them with Nahuel right now. He'd only just let her know he thought of her that way. And did he because she was the only hybrid he wasn't related to? Great. Now she was second-guessing his motives.
"Hmm, yeah," Mae murmured, distracted, and hung up without any further adieu.
Immediately, she sent Bella a text. Can you meet me at the hospital? I need to talk to Grandpa Carlisle.
On my way.
In no time, Mae was walking down the hall towards her grandpa's office. Bella appeared in front of her before she reached the door, scanning her from head to toe. Worry was almost immediately replaced with recognition.
Then Carlisle was there as well, his lips parting as he too comprehended the situation. Hurriedly, he ushered his family into his office and closed the door behind them.
"I already talked to Jennifer. I'm fine, promise," Mae said quickly, wanting to reassure them. She and Bella each took a seat, her mom reaching over to clasp her hand as well.
Briefly as possible, she relayed everything Jennifer had shared with her. Carlisle, gratefully, held his questions until she was done. He then proceeded to ask a series of questions that seemed geared towards discovering how similar or different Mae's experience was from a human's. While uncomfortable to discuss such a topic with her grandfather, his clinical detachment made it at least bearable.
At least until he asked something that threw her off, and had Bella interjecting on her behalf.
"Are you sexually active?" Carlisle asked, his eyes flicking away and betraying his first hint of discomfort since she'd arrived.
"Carlisle! That's her decision -" Bella said heatedly, squeezing Mae's hand.
"I'm not," Mae broke in, cringing when she heard her voice squeak like a rubber chicken as she shared the personal information.
"I wasn't prying. I just hope to advise her and prepare her better than I did you. I failed my children before. I'd rather not fail my granddaughter," he said regretfully. Mae hadn't known that Bella hadn't meant to get pregnant. Given her knowledge that Bella had fought for her, and always wanted her, she'd assumed that Bella had deliberately gotten pregnant. Apparently that wasn't true. It didn't change anything, of course, but it was a revelation. "I don't know that birth control would work with your body, so you should be certain before taking that risk," Carlisle informed her.
Wait. Was he saying what she thought he was? Even after she mentioned Jennifer's struggle.
"You think it's possible?" she whispered.
"Honestly?"
"I wouldn't have asked," Mae said, sitting forward in her chair.
"No. I don't, but theoretically, it's possible if you're menstruating. Given the unusual nature of it, however, your uterus might very well be incompatible for successful gestation. I can run tests to be sure," he said, sighing and frowning as he considered all of the possibilities.
"No. There's no need. Maybe someday, but I don't need to worry about that yet," Mae said. She'd learned enough for today.
"Of course," Carlisle said understandingly, and hesitated, before finally saying, "It's your decision. I'll leave you two alone then."
"Nahuel wants to see me this summer," Mae confessed, watching Bella to judge her reaction.
"Hmm," Bella hummed, a small smile playing on her lips.
"He mentioned… "
"Dating?" Bella suggested.
"You don't seem at all surprised," Mae accused, glaring mutinously.
"Are you?" Bella asked, forehead wrinkling in genuine surprise.
"A little," Mae admitted with a soft huff, then confessed a little of why that was bothering her. "He's never given me any indication before that he thought of me that way."
"Maybe he was trying to be respectful, and not rush you," Bella said, speaking in a way that made Mae suspect that she'd indulged in at least a few conversations about this topic before now.
"Or maybe he sees me as a potential incubator for his kids," Mae snipped, far more irritable than normal.
"I don't think that's true," Bella denied immediately, shaking her head quickly, and moving to kneel before Mae so she could meet her eyes, despite the way Mae had timidly dropped her chin.
"How can you be sure?" she asked, searching her mother's face, seeking answers. Reaching out, she touched Bella's face and used her gift to reiterate her fears.
"You've not really let anyone in. I was the same way before your dad, and he didn't before me either, so you come by that trait honestly," Bella said ruefully.
"Great. Thanks," Mae huffed, but smiled a bit anyways.
"Over the last two years, you've pushed every guy that's tried to get close away before they've had a chance to get to know you. Nahuel already knows you, and I think that scares you a little bit," Bella judged astutely. Mae couldn't exactly argue with the assessment. Every bit of it was true.
"You think I'm self-sabotaging?" Mae questioned, feeling a little defensive at the suggestion that she was preventing herself from obtaining everything she wanted. Was that really what she was trying to do just now? Spoiling things by assigning ulterior motives rather than risking getting hurt?
"Not intentionally," Bella declared, but shrugged. Mae watched the reluctant half smile curl one side of her mother's lips. "But would it be the worst thing in the world to give him a chance? You used to have such a crush on him," she reminded Mae, urging her to go for it.
"I honestly don't know," Mae admitted.
"Then it's a good thing you have some time to think about it," Bella said, reaching up to run a tender hand over Mae's curls.
"Yes," Mae agreed.
"Are you returning to campus?"
"Yes. I still have my Spanish class. Will you warn my fathers - about this?" she asked, gesturing at her midsection, then showed Bella an image of them pretending they noticed nothing. "I really can't handle them reacting today," she said, feeling a pang as another cramp twisted and gripped her side.
"Of course. Neither will say a word or react in any way," Bella vowed, pulling Mae into a loose hug, gently rubbing her back as she held her.
"Thanks, Mom," Mae said, leaning against her more.
"Are you all right?"
"It's… a lot to take in," she admitted. Between the unexpected surprises, discomfort, and sudden possibilities, she was a touch overwhelmed.
"I'm here if you need me," Bella offered.
"I love you," Mae said.
"More than my own life," Bella replied, repeating the promise she'd made during every life changing event that had ever occurred in Mae's life.
February
"Should we give Quil Sr. a heart attack and make it look like you're rolling out-of-control downhill?" Mae suggested. She was in the process of guiding Billy towards a nearby dock where they were meeting Charlie to spend the day fishing. The sun wasn't fully up yet, but the elder man was already on his porch with a cup of steaming coffee that Mae could smell from the street. Hazelnut. She might despise the taste, but the smell was heavenly.
"As fun as that sounds, we best not risk it," Billy said. The raspy words ended on a wet cough that alarmed Mae.
"That doesn't sound good. Have you been to the doctor?"
"It's just a cold. All the damp air is getting to me this winter," Billy said, brushing off her concern.
"Maybe we should reschedule -"
It wouldn't be the end of the world if they stayed at the house and colored with Thomas, or she took him to explore the tide pools again. Mae could still hear the faint echoes of his laughter from the day before when he'd splashed in the water and tried to poke the sea anemone. Although it was colder today, a biting chill in the wind that the boy probably shouldn't be out in. Billy either for that matter.
"Not on your life. I haven't gotten any of my kids to go fishing with me since they were little and didn't have a choice. I'm not about to pass up on an opportunity to take you out when it was your idea," Billy said adamantly, spinning to face her on the sidewalk.
"It's not like we can't go another time if you're not feeling well," Mae tried, amused at his insistence. She was excited to go out on the water with him too, but she'd not realized how much it meant to him.
Usually, Mae was torn between Grandpa Charlie, Billy, and the nearly four-year-old Thomas during her visits, so there was never enough time to do everything with everyone. Even though she tried to visit one weekend every month and a whole week during the summer, she still missed being around them all the time. Nowhere else in the world felt like home the way the Olympic Peninsula did. Her friends at school thought she was crazy to skip so many campus events, but it never felt like a hardship to her. The place where her life began called to the depths of her soul, and likely always would.
"I feel just fine, Mae," Billy insisted, patting her hand gently, and she dropped it, not wanting him to feel like she was treating him like an invalid. Mae had the impression that a lot of people had done that to him since he took up residence in a wheelchair. "Besides, Charlie's waiting," he added smugly, knowing Mae wouldn't want to disappoint her grandpa by canceling.
After six hours, they'd finally exhausted all conversation about her classes, job, projects, and friends. Seemed like Charlie had been slowly building up to his next question all afternoon.
"What's this Bella's telling me about you dating all these guys?" Charlie grumbled, watching his fishing line intently. Mae supposed the question was meant to come across as casual, but the barbed nature of it meant it fell a bit short.
"It's not that many. I just haven't found one worth settling down with," Mae admitted, shrugging.
"Sounds to me like you're lacking purpose," Billy said sagely.
"I'm figuring things out," Mae insisted. "Isn't that the point of college?"
"I guess it's better than sticking with the wrong guy like your mother insisted on," Charlie agreed, a dark thundercloud crossing his face at the memory of Bella dating Edward.
Charlie absolutely despised her father, while Jazz could do no wrong in her grandpa's eyes. It was strange. Most humans were unquestionably dazzled by Edward's charm while instinctively fearing Jasper, recognizing the ruthless warrior that he was, but not Charlie. Charlie only saw the man that made his baby girl laugh, and chose to love and raise his grandbaby. A loving protector rather than a dangerous seducer.
"If she hadn't, I wouldn't be here," Mae pointed out, smiling kindly when the reminder made Charlie's face turn a dangerous shade of mauve.
"There is that," he acknowledged grudgingly. "You sure you haven't already met the right one? Maybe you're overlooking what's right in front of you."
"I'm not sure… maybe," Mae whispered, thinking over Nahuel's invitation again.
"Listen to your heart. Let it guide you," Billy added, jutting out his chin and giving a single decisive nod.
"I thought fish bite more when there's silence?" Mae remarked, making it clear they should end the conversation on that positive note.
By later that night, Billy's cough had worsened, and Mae found herself calling Jacob, against Billy's express wishes, to let him know.
"I can't believe you let my dad take you fishing," Jacob said in greeting when he answered the phone.
"Afraid he's going to make you go out with him next time you're home?" Mae teased, only a little surprised that he already knew how she spent her day.
"Yes," he admitted frankly. "I hate fishing. It's so boring."
"It was actually kind of fun," Mae admitted. Not the fish part, those were slimy and smelly and had super creepy eyes that stared accusingly at her for hurting them with hooks and trauma, but spending time with her family doing what they obviously loved.
"Thanks. You probably made his year," Jacob said honestly, humor and gratitude coloring the words.
"I love him. I really didn't mind," Mae said truthfully. She had forever, so it was no hardship to put aside the things she enjoyed doing to spend time with people that wouldn't be around in fifty or a hundred years. She needed to make as many memories as possible while she could.
"Sure, sure," he said easily.
"Jake… he's got a cough that sounds pretty bad," Mae said tentatively, hating to be the one passing on the concerning news.
"Yeah. Rachel told me a couple weeks ago. He refused to get it checked out, so I flew up last weekend and made him see a doctor," Jacob said, sighing deeply.
"You did?" Mae asked, startled. Pulling the phone away, she glanced at it, idly wondering if she'd misheard.
She'd not realized they'd only missed seeing each other by a few days. Funny how that always seemed to happen. She knew it wasn't even deliberate on either of their parts. More like fate was conspiring to keep them apart for whatever reason. So much for the theory that imprinting was fate's will. In her experience, that had definitely not been the case.
"Yep," Jacob confirmed with a popping P sound.
"And? What'd they say?" Mae demanded, now that she knew Billy had been to the doctor, she wanted to know how bad it was, and how worried she should be about him. Particularly since she'd taken him out on a cold, wet boat during the tail end of winter.
"That it's just a cold, nothing to worry about. He just needs to take it easy for a bit," Jake said, untangling the tight ball of worry that had settled in the pit of her stomach. It was insane how fragile humans were. The tiniest thing, such as a cold, could end their existence forever. Mae wasn't ready to lose anyone else. Embry had been plenty.
"Okay," Mae breathed.
"Which I'm betting he's being stubborn about, and refusing to do," Jacob guessed, rather accurately.
"How'd you figure that out?" Mae asked dryly, earning her an exasperated sigh.
"Thanks though. It means a lot that you cared enough to let me know, and that you're keeping an eye on him too," Jacob said sincerely. There was none of the surprise he used to express any time he discovered she'd spent time with his family. That shock had passed years ago. Now he only sounded grateful. "I… " he trailed off.
Mae waited, but when he didn't say anything else, she replied, "Of course. I should be going. Charlie's taking me to the airport soon and I still need to say bye to everyone."
Not an hour later, Rachel appeared in the doorway to her room at Charlie and Sue's house. She leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed, and watched as Mae half-folded two shirts before stuffing the wadded flannel clothes then into her carry-on bag.
"Nice technique there," Rachel commented.
Mae shrugged, absently replying, "They're dirty anyways, so not much point."
"So I have you to thank for Jacob deciding to visit again next week?"
The question caught Mae off guard. Jacob hadn't mentioned coming back out. Was Rachel mad that Mae had interfered? She turned, ready to explain, then noted the happy smile Rachel was directing at her. Oh. She was relieved, not angry, that Mae had called her brother.
"I guess so. I just figured he should know. Billy's cough sounded pretty bad by the time we called it a day," Mae said, feeling the way her forehead wrinkled at the memory.
"Thanks for looking out for our family," Rachel said, glancing at the pictures Charlie had hung in the guest bedroom. They were a mix of Cullens and wolves since the room served both Charlie's and Sue's family. Mae felt her heart flutter at the idea that perhaps Rachel had meant her words to include Mae as part of her family.
"Any time," Mae said, attempting to sound nonchalant.
"Did you tell him for Billy's sake, or are you just making sure you guys never visit at the same time so you don't have to see him?"
The teasing comment reminded Mae of her own thoughts from earlier when she'd talked to Jacob. They really were like two ships passing in the night. Always, they were headed in opposite directions. Different destinations. Would that be true forever? Surely not. Forever was such a long time.
"I'm not avoiding him," Mae said frankly, though softly.
"I really don't get you two," Rachel said, pushing off the door jam and stepping fully into the room. "You're his imprint. Yet you two rarely acknowledge the other. Did something happen?"
"No," Mae denied, shaking her head. Because it hadn't, not really. That had once been the problem, but so much time had passed, and she'd grown so much as a person since then. It was easy to look back on that day through a different lens, and see that she'd been a teenager with a somewhat inappropriate crush on someone she shouldn't. That's all it'd been. "He doesn't want me to have feelings for him," she admitted, remembering what he'd said, and the fact that he'd since built a life with Natalie - one, that according to Seth, was everything he never dared hope to have.
"Do you?"
"Not anymore," Mae said, and hard as it was to face, she truly didn't. The desire to see him, kiss him, dance in his arms for just one moment longer… she didn't feel any of it. It felt like the desires she'd once had as a child to be a mermaid so she could spend all day playing in the ocean. Unrealistic, and a tad silly.
"Do feelings ever really go away - once they're there?" Rachel asked, astutely watching Mae, a knowing look on her face.
Rachel left before Mae had a chance to respond.
March
Mae glanced around the bar, idly drumming her fingers on the sticky counter as she waited for her date. He'd gone to the bathroom a minute earlier, but she was bored, and debating calling it an early night.
"I know you," Mae gasped, catching sight of a vaguely familiar guy standing a couple feet away from her. "I kissed you on my birthday last year!"
"You remember me," he asked, flushing and grinning shyly at her. He looked the exact same. Rumpled light brown hair, short, overly lean and thin on the side of gawky, eager, boyish. Except this time he was wearing a button down shirt with a nice suit vest as though he'd just gotten off work.
"Of course I do," Mae said, laughing lightly even as his grin went impossibly wider.
"It was really your birthday?" he asked dubiously.
"It was," she confirmed, turning on her bar stool to face him more fully.
"Huh," he said, jaw dropping slightly in shock. He adjusted his glasses, shaking his head a bit while a surprised laugh escaped.
"I always wondered… why did you walk off - afterwards?" Mae asked, curious to see if he remembered. It had been so unexpected. And by now she'd gotten very good at predicting guys' actions. But that had been one instance she'd never been able to explain satisfactorily.
"Have you seen yourself?" he asked pointedly.
"A few times. Why?" she said dryly, enjoying his forthrightness.
"I sort of wanted to keep it this perfect untarnished moment - before you found out how boring I am, and how unsuitable we'd be together," he admitted frankly, running a hand through his messy hair, and making part of it stand up crazily as he half shrugged.
"What makes you so sure that's how it'd end?" Mae asked, appreciating his dual sides, romantic and pragmatic. Based on appearances, he was not who anyone would likely pair her with, but the adorably puppy dog aspect to him drew her in for some reason.
He sucked in a startled breath as he assessed her, his brow furrowing. Then he dared to ask, "Are you suggesting this is our second chance?"
"Yeah," Mae said slowly, confirming, "I am."
"Do you think your boyfriend would agree?" he asked, nodding to the bathroom where Javon had just exited and was painstakingly making his way back over, weaving through the crowded room.
"Let's not wait to find out - and he's not my boyfriend," Mae said, grabbing his hand and tugging him towards the exit.
Asher, as Mae learned her mystery man was named, was telling her about what one of his students had done the day before as they walked around the art show exhibit. They'd gone to an all night diner after leaving the bar the weekend before, and gotten to know each other a little bit. It turned out he wasn't quite as young as he looked. He was a senior completing his student teaching this semester at the local high school where he was teaching geometry and statistics. He'd come home each afternoon with several stories about his kids' antics that he'd called and told her about, making her laugh and occasionally groan. He was extremely funny, and great at telling stories, so Mae could imagine he was a hit in the classroom - you'd have to be to make math exciting.
The night before, she'd invited him to accompany her to the art show their college was hosting. A second date. Wow. A first for her. He had potential. More than the others.
They'd had lunch before heading over, and she'd admitted one of her photographs had been selected for the exhibit. She'd not told any of her friends or family, worried they'd make it a big deal, insist on coming out to see, and end up disappointed when it didn't measure up to the other people's pieces. Nerves over strangers' reactions were eating away at her. Somehow, she didn't feel as self-conscious admitting it to Asher though. He was really supportive and encouraging when she'd shyly told him about it.
"Are you ever going to point out which one you took?" he finally asked when she'd deliberately steered him away from the corner she knew it was hung in for the fourth time.
"Not yet," she hedged.
"Is art what you're majoring in? You dodged the question last time I asked," he said, prodding her to open up more. "You're actually really good at redirecting a conversation away from yourself." It was a skill she'd honed to avoid sharing details she shouldn't or being forced to outright lie to someone.
Mae sighed, then tentatively said, "Design and Applied Arts with a minor in marketing."
"What are you going to do with that?"
"I want to make commercials and design marketing campaigns. Maybe for small companies to help launch them since I don't really want to do it for the money. You can tell a story with a single picture or short video, and I just want to be able to do that. I've always loved art - it's my hobby. My passion. I've been doing it since I was little, and I want to move people to feel what I feel with something so simple," she said, feeling herself become more animated as she spoke, her hand gestures getting bigger and faster. "I'm not even sure if that makes any sense, but there you go. I just talked to my counselor about it a few weeks ago to make sure I have time to take all of the right classes."
"I get it. That's how I feel about working with kids. I want to work in a big city after I graduate, and start tutoring high risk students that are in danger of dropping out or slipping through the cracks."
"You do?"
"Well that doubt was real encouraging," he said, laughing at her. "I'm not the most intimidating, and some kids find it easier to talk to me because I'm more approachable, so I get to help them."
"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I think it's admirable."
"Thanks. So this picture… am I ever going to get to see it?"
"Fine," she agreed, knowing she'd stalled long enough.
It came into sight as they approached it, and she was taken back to the memory of that night. She'd been in La Push. All of her best ones were from there. As if the camera and her subjects sensed her love of the place and willed it to show through in the resulting image. Billy was facing the camera head on in front of a campfire, sparks dancing in the air, but he seemed to be looking through her with his wise, dark eyes. He'd been telling tales of their history to Thomas. The little boy sat at his feet, staring up at his grandfather both riveted and awe-struck. Paul was off to the side, his face turned in profile, as though staring into the past and watching it all unfold.
Mae had been hesitant to share the photo. It seemed almost private. But her professor had noticed it among all of her others and requested to include it in the show. Billy had been thrilled, encouraging her to go for and promising not to tell anyone about it.
"Who are they?" Asher asked quietly after a couple minutes of taking the image in.
"Part of my family," she said, smiling as she watched him continue to study the picture.
"Family?" he asked dubiously, turning to look over her porcelain skin and red hair. No doubt finding absolutely no resemblance to the Native Americans in the photograph.
"The family of my… Well, his family, but we're close," Mae said, stumbling through the explanation.
"Ahh," he said, the sound conveying more meaning than she could interpret. "It's remarkable. I don't know anything about photography, but I do see how easy it would be to watch this one for a while, finding new facets all the while."
"Thank you," Mae whispered, leaning over to kiss him. He was exactly her height, possibly a little shorter even.
His lips were soft, pliant. He was so sweet and funny. Yet she felt nothing. Mae pressed closer against him, searching for an elusive spark, running her tongue along the seam of his lips. They parted immediately, allowing his tongue to gently touch hers. Still nothing.
Frustrated, she broke off with a sigh, "Ugh."
"I can tell you really want to like me," Asher said kindly, though noticeably disappointed.
"But?" she asked, already knowing he'd detected her dilemma.
"I'm glad we got a second chance. You're even more than the dream girl I imagined you to be," Asher said, smiling sadly.
"I'm sorry," Mae said, sighing again and closing her eyes. This was not how she wanted this to go.
It was time to face facts. She just wasn't going to be happy with a human. Hiding the truth, tempering her strength, forcing a connection with someone not from the supernatural world - none of it was enough for her. Never would be. Perhaps it was time she revisited Nahuel's offer, and give it some serious consideration.
"Don't be. You'll always be the one that got away," he vowed a little shyly.
"I doubt that," she stated, figuring he'd meet a nice girl also into helping people and settle down, utterly content, and forget all about her.
April
Mae was sprawled across Alice's bed, staring at the ceiling. Her aunts were planning a trip to Milan for the summer. Discussing clothes or shoes or something else frivolous that she wasn't paying attention to. A silky top landed on her stomach unexpectedly, and Mae's fingers curled around it, absently bunching the fabric within her fists.
"I'm not sure what to do!" Mae groaned, the frustrated words bursting free all of a sudden, refusing to remain locked within her another moment.
Alice's hand swatted her's, silently instructing her to release her death grip before it permanently ruined the fabric. Her aunts settled in on either side of her.
"What do you want to do?" Rosalie asked, reaching to stroke a hand through Mae's tangled curls, smoothing the hair away from her face.
Mae turned her head to meet Rose's inquiring eyes, and admitted, "Honestly? Everything." She wanted to explore herself. She wanted to visit Nahuel and figure out for herself if there was something there. She wanted more than kissing random guys. She wanted to fall truly, deeply in love.
"Then do it," Rose said firmly.
"Have you met my fathers?" Mae asked dryly, letting her head roll back to stare at the swirling pattern on the ceiling.
"They'll get over it. And if they don't, well… then they'll have to deal with Bella," Alice said lightly, almost gleeful at the prospect of her mom giving the Cullen men hell.
"She wasn't exactly adventurous herself - at least from the stories I've heard. I'm not sure she'd understand," Mae said, frowning in annoyance. Why couldn't her mom have been just a little bit wild? Then Mae's desires and intentions wouldn't seem so extreme in comparison.
"She jumped off cliffs, rode motorcycles, had sex with a vampire while human," Rose muttered snarkily, smirking as she added, "How much more adventurous do you want?"
Alice sputtered, then fell to the side rolling around laughing beside Mae.
"Yeah, but she's only kissed a total of three guys - ever," Mae insisted.
"You are not your mother. Or even either of your fathers - though in this you're probably more like Jasper. I'm betting he got around when he was human," Rosalie remarked, tilting her head as though contemplating the idea for the first time.
"He was a gentleman. Thank you very much," Alice said defensively, sitting up, and smirking like she knew a secret that she had no intention of sharing.
"So you say," Rosalie quipped, not fooled in the least by Alice's claim of supposed innocence.
"Your parents want you to be happy - all three of them. They'll understand if you make choices different from those they made with their own lives," Alice said, returning to the subject at hand. Mae believed her, but somehow, it felt like letting them down if she did anything without knowing she was in love first.
At this point, there was only one way to find out for sure.
"Nahuel? About this summer… does the first week in June work for you?" Mae asked later that night when he answered her call on the fourth ring. She'd been about to hang up and chicken out.
"I'll look forward to our reunion everyday, counting down the moments until I can see you again," he said. The deep sound of his voice was a thick caress, velvet or fur against her skin. If any other had said such words, Mae would have laughed, and assumed it was a cheesy pickup line. Somehow Nahuel managed to infuse it with an unmistakable depth of sincerity.
"Umm, yeah… me too," she said shyly, her heart racing in her throat.
"Until then," he promised, "my Renesmee."
Mae swallowed, wondering what she'd just agreed to, and what exactly she was in store for this summer.
May
"I'm going to spend the summer with Nahuel," Mae announced. She'd put off saying anything or even thinking about it before now. Knowing Edward would have a lot to say about her decision. She'd waited until almost the last minute just so she wouldn't have to endure his protests for long.
"Excuse me?" Edward said, right on cue.
"I'm leaving in a couple days," Mae added, meeting his eyes, and letting him hear the steely determination in her thoughts.
"How long have you been planning this?" he demanded, glancing at Bella and Jasper. Jasper, at least, looked a bit startled as well. For once, he was caught off guard as well. Bella must not have shared when Mae told her about Nahuel's invitation. Of course, it hadn't seemed likely that she'd accept at the time.
"A while now," Mae said. Well, she'd accepted three weeks ago, but the invite was extended a few months prior to that. "Since I stopped dating. I already bought the plane ticket, and made arrangements with him," Mae added. Though to be fair, she'd only stopped dating humans about two months ago, so that wasn't saying much as far as giving indicators went.
"Finally get tired of humans?" Emmett asked, moving to lean against the open doorway leading into the family room.
"Honestly, yes. We're too different, and I'm ready for something lasting," Mae said, determined to give Nahuel a real chance. She'd recognized the truth in Bella's assessment, and didn't want to continue making that mistake. "I've had fun, but I want more," she admitted, glancing around at her assembled family.
"You're sure he's who you want?" Em asked, earning a chastising look from Jasper.
"He wants me, and I've always had a crush on him. I owe it to both of us to try," Mae said frankly. If she was serious about this, then she should be able to discuss it like an adult, and not blush or stammer under their scrutiny.
"You're too young to be making decisions like this," Edward tried, though the protest sounded weak to her own ears, and his mutinous scowl seemed to reflect his resignation already.
"I've stopped aging. Grandpa confirmed it months ago," Mae pointed out, making it clear without words that she was an adult now, and her life was hers to life the way she wanted to.
"You know we all just want you to be happy," Esme inserted, going over to wrap a maternal arm around Edward.
"Edward," Bella warned, shaking her head slightly to prevent him from saying more. "If you really think he'll make you happy, then we should visit and let you spend more time with him," Bella suggested, throwing Mae. She realized when they talked a few months ago, she had not specified that Nahuel wanted to spend time with just her. And she wanted the same.
"I need to go alone. I'll be too self-conscious given their gifts," she admitted, waving between Edward and Jasper. "And it's not very romantic to have my mom along babysitting."
Mae looked around, seeing all of her family was on board. With one exception. Seth frowned at her, shaking his head and leaving the room altogether. What the hell?
"Will you call? Everyday," Jasper requested, refraining from offering any other sort of opinion.
"Of course! It's only for a few weeks - a month at most. I really want to give us a chance away from expectations and intrusions."
"Will you let me show you a few things as well?" Jazz added, looking her over assessingly.
"Self-defense?" Mae guessed. "You really think I'll need it?"
"No, or I wouldn't let you go alone - sorry, Poppet, but it never hurts to be prepared for the unexpected," Jasper said sadly, and not the least bit apologetic.
She had no doubt that if he thought Nahuel was dangerous, he'd refuse to let her go, and take measures to prevent her leaving regardless. Her safety was worth risking her displeasure with him - even if it lasted decades. They were immortal, he'd have time to earn her forgiveness if he ever tried something like that.
Not even three hours later, Mae's phone rang.
Mechanically, she answered, "Jacob?" Shock made her voice a tad robotic.
"Seth said you're going to spend the summer with Nahuel," Jacob breathed, voice huskier than normal, thick with emotion.
Wow, um, okay... News travels fast. But why was he calling?
"Yes," Mae said softly.
"Is he really what you want?" Jacob asked quietly, the words sounding torn reluctantly from him.
Why? Why would he sound so… devastated? Why would he be asking her that? Unless...
"Do you not think I should?" she asked, hardly daring to believe they were actually having this conversation.
Silence. For minutes. For a lifetime. The time for an opportunity to come and go forever. Only silence greeted her question.
Mentally, she begged for him to ask her not to go to Nahuel. She'd opened herself up to him before, and been rejected. It was his turn. If she was truly reading him correctly, she needed him to say it. To say he was the one for her - not Nahuel. He needed to be the one to initiate this. She needed him to make the first move this time.
Feelings she thought were long dead came rushing to the surface. Undeniable. Insistent. She was shocked by the desire she felt for the wolf that had taken a different path than the one fate decided for him then refused to see her the way she'd wished him to when they last reunited. It had been almost three years since he broke her heart, yet it felt like only a heartbeat had passed.
Still nothing.
"Say something," she whispered. Internally pleading, anything.
"I… I want you to be happy, and have everything you desire," he said, a ragged, raspy voice. "Everything."
She waited, but he didn't say anything more. Didn't clarify. Didn't express any interest on his part.
Either she was wrong, or...
Coward. Jacob Black was a fucking coward, and she was done hoping he'd ever love her the way she secretly longed for his to. In that moment, she gave up on him. Truly, irretrievably gave up on him.
"Then I guess it's a good thing I'm going to see Nahuel. Tell Natalie I said hi. Goodbye, Jacob," she said. When she hung up, it felt like she was closing the door to a chapter in her life that she had unconsciously been clinging to. Clenching it so hard that she'd not noticed that it was a lead weight holding her back and dragging her down.
With that goodbye, she believed that she'd finally given up on the idea of a future with Jacob Black.