A/N: Next update will be on Saturday, Oct 10th! Have a wonderful weekend my friends!
"What do you mean this entire chapter is out of character?" Vic demanded as she read Ted's comment on the chapter heading.
Ted set her soda can on the coffee table and sat down next to her on his couch. Vic prudently moved the can further away from her laptop.
"She isn't brave in this chapter." He shrugged.
Vic stared at him, "Yes she is."
"Nope, she waits for her group to solve the problem. She doesn't take any action of her own. You're near the end of the book here, she needs to be brave, she needs to show that everything you've put her through has paid off and she's ready to be the hero now."
Vic sighed and looked back at her laptop screen. All of Ted's comments on her story were like this. He seemed to think that she was holding her heroine back, not allowing her character to live up to her potential. Vic usually passed off comments like this from others because she felt like they didn't know what they were talking about. But having Ted defend his reasoning with the sharp knifepoint of cold hard logic made Vic less sure of her insistence that she was right and everyone else was uninformed, or that they didn't understand the story.
"But we were going to look at your mum's list and talk about what Harry said to you." Ted knocked her knee with his.
Vic stared at her laptop for a moment more before nodding and shutting it down.
"Here," she handed Ted her notebook, "This is what they both said."
Ted leant back against the couch and kicked his feet up on the coffee table and Vic wondered if maybe she could get him to set this rather terrifying task aside in exchange for some more pleasurable activities. But before she could pursue that line of thought, Ted set the notebook in his lap and dove right in.
"Well, your mum's words seem accurate, but I'll admit that Harry's comment worries me a little bit." He frowned down at the notebook. "What on earth brought up a comment like that?"
Vic bit her lip and looked at her black laptop screen. Ted's hands gently but firmly grabbed hers, stopping her from trying to rub her skin raw.
"Vic, you can talk to me. I'm still the goof that got you chatting all day at work instead of doing our jobs. I'm still your friend. I just now also happen to be living my fantasy of being your boyfriend as well." He teased, and Vic gave a small laugh despite her nerves.
"Come on, Vic," Ted tapped her chin up with his finger, trying to get her to look at him. "You can tell me what happened. You can tell me anything."
She bit her lip harder and dropped her gaze lower. She might as well tell him; it wasn't like they hadn't already talked about this to an extent before.
"I, I was sort of worried that, that Harry and the rest of your family were going to try and convince you to break up with me."
"Vic," Ted shook his head, "You've got it all wrong."
"Well if Uncle Harry is right, then it's me we should apparently be worried about anyway." She huffed.
"We're not going to worry about either of us walking away, alright." Vic jumped as Ted's normally playful voice had gone very firm. "If it happens, we'll deal with it when we get there, but right now we're both committed to being with each other, so let's not start talking about who's going to walk away."
"I'm sorry," she tried to fold further in on herself.
"No, I'm sorry," Ted sighed and pulled her into him. "I spent so much time wishing that you were mine and now talking about that ending brought me up short. I don't like thinking about you not being in my life."
Vic took a deep breath in his embrace and tried to ignore how much these hard feelings seemed to be ruining everything. They held each other for a few silent moments, breathing each other in, before Ted's voice sounded in the quiet.
"Is Harry right? Do you not love yourself?"
Vic closed her eyes, afraid to look that question full in the face.
"I," she whispered. "I don't know."
Ted's fingers moved into her hair, combing through it from the base of her neck to the ends.
"I still love you." His voice was a quiet rumble, and his lips were very close to her ear.
Vic felt a small smile pull on her lips. It was comforting that hearing him say those words now made her heart flutter and her spine tingle. When he said it to her the first time all she had felt was guilt and panic. But now, now those words filled her with hope.
"You don't have to say it back," Ted continued in the same low rumble. "But I want you to know that didn't change. And if it helps you love yourself at all to know that I love you, then I want you to know that I never stopped loving you."
Vic gave in to the smile that had been pulling on her lips and turned to face him.
"Thank you, that does help."
And it did. Vic didn't know if she really didn't love herself or if she'd spent the last little while tearing herself so far down that she forgot what it felt like not to. But hearing Ted say he loved her seemed to awaken a part of her soul that had gone dormant, hiding from all the internal berating that had become her inner voice.
Ted leant in, gently brushing his lips along hers.
"Good," He smiled against her. "And would it help if I said it more often?"
Vic kissed him again as she answered. "It certainly wouldn't hurt anything."
"I'm going to act as if you said yes," he gave her a cheeky grin.
She laughed and laid her head against his shoulder, letting the warm comfort of his embrace envelope her. It felt right to sit here with him like this. When it was the two of them and she wasn't worried about anyone else, everything about being with Ted felt right. And that realization opened her eyes just a fraction more to the possibility that this page in her notebook might be worth exploring if for no other reason than to try and create a life where she always felt right with Ted, a life where she didn't try to sabotage her own happiness.
Vic glanced over at the page and saw the first line.
You and your desires are important.
Well, right now her desire was to be happy with Ted without her brain trying to ruin it. She would just have to start giving that priority, that's what you did with important things after all.
"I think maybe I just needed to take a look at Mum's list in a new light." She let her thoughts vocalize.
"Yeah?" Ted kissed the top of her head.
"Yeah, those lines seem a bit less terrifying now." Vic looked up at him and smirked. "You're fully to blame. What am I supposed to do with a boyfriend who helps me see that my mother is right?"
Ted laughed and pulled her closer. "There's the woman I fell in love with."
"Don't try to sweet-talk your way out of this," Vic stuck her tongue out at him. "Boyfriends are supposed to tell you that you're perfect and need no improvements."
Ted tipped forward and kissed her.
"Boyfriends who don't plan on sticking around, sure. But I want you to be happy, and I'm realizing in my short life span that growth tends to help with happiness." Then he smirked. "And if you'd rather I didn't talk my way out of this, I could probably find some other entertaining ways to distract you."
He slid his fingertips under the hem of her shirt and Vic leant into his hand, a quiet hum escaping her lips.
"I knew you practiced witchcraft," she sighed when Ted moved to kiss her neck, his lips lingering behind her ear and his warm breath sending shivers down her spine.
"I could go back to talking my way out of whatever metaphorical hole you dropped me in." He whispered before pulling back entirely and leaning against the arm of the couch.
The smirk he offered her made Vic want to simultaneously smack him upside the head and snog him senseless.
"See!" She threw her hands in the air, "Witchcraft!" Then she laughed and moved to the opposite arm of the couch. "There! How do you like it?"
Ted smiled, "I'm rather enjoying the view. I could get used to you sprawled out on my couch like that."
Vic rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you've got a magic wand somewhere that could make me float to you if you needed it."
"I don't know if I'd call it magic, but…" He smirked at her, his warm amber eyes taking on a honey cast as they seemed to bore into hers.
"Oh, shut up!" Vic felt her face grow hot but she forced herself to hold his penetrating gaze. "I'm sure you learned that one your last year of primary school too."
Ted continued to smirk at her, "That pink on your cheeks says it doesn't matter when I learned it."
"You're ridiculous!" She gave up and looked away and shook her head, trying to clear away her blush.
"Nah, I'm just in love with you."
Vic couldn't stop the smile that claimed her lips.
"You're not going to let me win, are you?" She tried to pout but from the look on Ted's face, she was failing miserably.
Ted laughed and then moved to her side of the couch. He leant into her, bringing his face within a couple of inches of hers.
"Better?"
"Is this what me winning is?" Vic suddenly found it a little harder to take in air than normal.
"Did you want something different?" Ted ran the tip of his nose along the side of her own and Vic felt the desire to bring her lips to his run through her whole body like an electric current.
"I think I can make do with this," she smirked up at him.
Ted's chuckle rumbled in his chest and Vic let out an audible sigh when he finally brought his lips to hers.
You and your desires are important.
The words echoed quietly in her mind, and as Vic lost herself in snogging Ted, she knew she could face this list now. Because now she could see that while Ted joked about being thrown in holes, she actually had dug one for herself and climbed in, and it was time to climb back out.
Just as soon as she finished kissing Ted like her life depended on it.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
As it happened, it took almost another week for Vic to find the time to sit down with the page in her notebook that had nearly given her a stomach ulcer when her mum first wrote out its contents. She curled up against her pillows on her bed and took a deep breath as she read through the list again.
You and your desires are important.
You are a good person.
You are brave.
You must decide your life's story.
If you can't believe that you're worthy of being loved, then sooner or later, you'll be the one to walk away.
Vic reasoned that if her desires were important then she ought to know what her desires were. She'd never really put a lot of thought into what she wanted, mostly she did what was expected of her. But she was done pretending that was enough; she was going to go after the things she wanted.
Just as soon as she figured out what that was…
Vic turned the page in her notebook and grabbed a pen. She wrote down the epiphany she'd had back at Ted's flat.
I want to stop trying to sabotage my relationship with Ted. I want to let myself be happy with him.
"Well, there's something at least."
Vic looked at the line and tried to figure out what else she wanted. She looked around her childhood bedroom and pursed her lips as memories tried to intrude on her attempt at figuring out her life. Maybe she'd get Dom to switch rooms with her just to be able to look around and not feel like everything reminded her of her childhood. Then she laughed and put her pen to the next line.
I want to move out.
Maybe this wouldn't be as hard as she originally thought. Vic smiled at the two lines she had so far. And those two things felt somewhat complete. Maybe she'd add more to this list, but right now, being on her own, and not undermining her relationship with Ted felt like enough. She turned the page back and read the next thing on her mum's list.
You are a good person.
Vic sighed. She wasn't so sure about her being a good person. She was just about to skip over this one when a thought occurred to her. Ted loved her. Her family loved her. And she trusted them. She trusted their opinions and advice. If they loved her, then she couldn't be a horrible person, could she? Vic admitted that she still felt a bit like she wasn't a good person, but if she trusted her dad to love her, and her mum to love her, and Ted to love her even though she didn't treat him the way she should have at the beginning, then maybe she could trust that they at least thought she was good. Maybe that could be enough, for now, to just trust that she was a good person.
You are brave.
Vic actually laughed. Brave? Why on earth would her mum put something like that. Vic shook her head and decided to skip this one. Maybe it was a French thing?
You must decide your life's story.
Vic thought she understood this one now. Her mum was trying to get her to see that she'd more or less just been floating without a whole lot of direction. There was a moment where Vic wondered if she should try and make those decisions of what she wanted her life story to look like, but the moment of anxiety that hit her was enough to tell her that maybe she should take this in pieces. She knew that she wanted Ted in her story, and she knew she wanted her own place. Right now, that would be enough. She'd write more chapters as she worked through these, but Vic resolved that she was going to be the star of those chapters. She wasn't going to wait for others to write her story for her anymore. The fact that she didn't have total control in her life wasn't going to be her excuse anymore. What she could control she would, and everything she couldn't control wasn't going to stop her from making her life the way she wanted it.
Vic's eyes drifted to Harry's advice.
If you can't believe that you're worthy of being loved, then sooner or later, you'll be the one to walk away.
Thinking about it now, Vic realized this was a lot like her mum's words that she was a good person. She would just have to trust for now that she was worthy of being loved, especially by Ted. Every time her brain told her she wasn't, she'd choose to trust that she was. She'd choose to believe that Ted was with her because he wanted to be. She'd choose to believe that she was worthy of his love. And she would tell those thoughts that she wasn't to get lost.
Vic almost laughed at herself. This page in her notebook had nearly made her sick with anxiety, and now she was smiling down at the words on the page.
"Quel magnifique sourire, ma chérie." Fleur stood within the door frame.
"Merci, Maman," Vic scooted over as her mum came to sit on her bed with her.
"Ah, and you even have my few words of advice with you."
Vic laughed, "Yeah, I guess I should say thank you. I didn't realize it at first, but they've been helpful. I don't feel so lost now."
"Merveilleux," Fleur wrapped her arms around Vic's shoulders, "and what will you do now?"
Vic bit her lip and looked up over at her mum. "Look for a flat of my own?"
Fleur laughed. "Don't ask me, this is your story."
"Alright, then," Vic gave her mum a sheepish smile. "Maman, I'm going to look for a flat of my own."
Her mum hugged her tight, "I'm proud of you, ma chérie."
"Thanks, Maman," Vic took a deep breath. "Think you could help me?"
"I would love to help you." Fleur turned to look at her daughter. "And what of your Ted?"
Vic looked down at the notebook and smiled. "I'm going to stop undermining myself. He says he loves me, and I'm going to believe him."
"And perhaps now we could get to know the one so dear to your heart?" Her mum gave Vic a rather pointed look. "I've been ever so patient, ma chérie."
Vic laughed. She had definitely avoided the step of introducing each other's families into her relationship with Ted, but maybe it was time. They'd been together for three months now, and if you counted how she behaved like he hung the moon while they worked together, then you could add another six months on to that.
"I'll talk to Ted about it when I see him on Friday."
Fleur squeezed her shoulders. "Merci, and what of work?"
"Work is good," Vic chuckled. "Who knew I'd enjoy editing other people's writing? Or that I'd be good at it?"
"I did," Fleur kissed her cheek, "but now you know it too, and that's more important."
Vic rolled her eyes and laughed, "Thanks, Maman."
"It is what mothers are for, ma chérie," Fleur teased.
Vic hugged her mum and smiled down at the notebook in her lap. It may have been a roundabout way of doing things, but she was glad that her mum had helped her to see what she needed to change in order to be happier. With this new chapter of her life beginning, Vic was sure that while it probably wouldn't be easy, it would definitely be worth it, if for no other reason than she would be the heroine of her own life. And if she could be the heroine of her own life, then she could probably figure out what was wrong with her book heroine as well. At the very least, she was going to try and accomplish both of those things while she found herself a flat.