Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.
Rated M for several reasons.
Chapter 10: Boys & Men
BPOV
Bit by bit he recovers his composure.
"I had a speech planned," he admits, "that might be a little redundant now. Harmful, even."
"Honesty is the best policy, Edward." I advise. "Unless you still intend to skip town and never see me again?"
"Can I plan for both?" He asks with a crooked smile that melts me a little. "Can you make allowances for the age I was born in?"
"You are over a hundred years old, Edward. Have you not learnt and grown?"
"Vampires do not alter, Bella. We tend to be what we were when we were changed."
"So, all the education Alice boasted about was wasted?"
"No! Of course not."
"If you can learn, you can change," I assert.
He blinks again and I wonder if I am giving him a headache? Can he get headaches?
Eventually he sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. I like it when he does that, I realise.
"During the time I spent with you, and around you, I came to appreciate you for more than the scent of your blood. Intellectually, obviously, I knew that you were a person worthy of existence. But I came to know you as an intelligent and erudite and attractive woman. I came to care for you, Bella."
"You saved my life, twice."
"Because I was 'stalking' you."
"That does not make it any less creepy," I object. "But thank you."
"The second time was entirely my fault," he confesses.
"Alice told me, and that is not entirely true. Your actions do not convey legitimacy on James's, or Victoria's. They made their own decisions."
"True," he allows, "but they would have had no interest in you if I had not 'stalked' you first."
I want to say, 'Aha' on the stalking but I fear that will merely help him miss the point. So, I keep quiet.
"I wish," he says eventually, back to his most formal self, "that things were different. That my family and I had not put you in danger. That it was possible for me to get to know you better, as I would very much like to. But I, we, cannot place you in danger any longer."
He is a little pompous, but somehow it is attractive on him.
"I did ask the family," he continues, "to relocate so that we put maximum distance between us. However, they were not willing to do so and have instead argued that with the danger now over, we should simply withdraw from your life. That way we can ensure that you are no more attractive to our kind than any other human in the area."
"Oh," is all I can manage.
"I am sure you agree that this is the best course of action?" He asks.
"Um, well, Edward." I am at a loss. "I do not know what to say. I assume I am still allowed to talk to Carlisle at work?"
"Of course," he confirms, "that will be necessary."
"Yes, necessary," I muse. "Well, thank you for coming to see me, Edward. And thank you for your explanation."
I stand and wave vaguely in the direction of the hallway.
"I will see you out, shall I?"
He stands too and moves fluidly to the door, hesitating once it is opened.
"Dr Swan, Bella, I . . . ."
My cell erupts into life and I am saved by the bell, well, the digital approximation of one anyway.
"Sorry, Edward, that might be the hospital. I have to go." And with that I swing the door shut in his face.
Jesus Christ, what an ass, and what an ass . . . .
…..
What was that all about? And why do I feel like someone has taken my toy away? And what the holy hell is wrong with me?
To be honest, I do not know where to start.
I mean, I seem to have accepted that vampires and shapeshifters exist quite easily, which for a newly qualified doctor is probably going to bite me on the ass at some point.
I should be freaked out and at the very least frantically checking my pain meds, but I do not feel the need. I saw Jake turn into a large wolf, so why would Edward, who is by any standards strange, not turn out to be one hundred and nineteen years old? I mean, he talks and acts like he is . . . .
I have so many questions, for Edward and Jake, but apparently, I am not allowed to speak to the Cullens anymore. Which is, high handed? Provocative? Potentially frustrating?
All the above.
It is barely lunchtime, but I am going back to bed . . . .
…..
Charlie wakes me up for dinner.
"Chop, chop," he orders, "Sue made us a casserole and it's getting cold."
"You know we can heat it up, right?" I mumble as I haul myself upright and to the side of the bed.
"It's not the same," he informs me as he withdraws and crashes downstairs. I do not understand how a man can make so much noise out of such a simple action.
We eat in silence. It is a good casserole and apparently, we have nothing urgent we need to say to each other. Eventually he leans back and focusses his attention on his beer, and me, instead of his dinner.
"So, how's the shoulder?" He asks.
"Sore."
"When are you going back to work?"
"Carlisle says Monday, but I might pop in tomorrow to see if anyone needs me."
"Ahuh," he murmurs. "Seen Jake recently?"
"Yes, he came over last night. Why?"
"No reason, no reason."
"Okay then."
"It's just that . . . ."
Here we go.
". . . . it's still a little weird down at La Push. And now he seems to have joined the weirdness. And Sue won't tell me anything except 'its fine, we're handling it' and you know, I am a suspicious man by nature."
"Is that so?" I muse, collecting up our plates to dump in the sink.
"Apparently Leah and Jake have had the mother of all rows too, would you know anything about that?"
"No, dad, I really would not," I assure him as I wipe down the countertops.
"Funny, because I could have sworn, she mentioned your name when she was telling me about it."
"Very funny," I observe as I make a hasty decision to wash up right there and then.
The silence extends and after I have finished washing up, I take the trash out, and then I decide to sort out the laundry. All the while avoiding eye contact with the Chief of Police. Eventually I win, I think, and he gets himself another beer and takes himself off to watch the TV.
Immediately I grab my cell and text Leah.
'Are you okay?'
'No'
'Shall I come over?'
'No, I'll come to you, mom will watch Harry'
'Okay, dad is here'
'We'll sort something, will be there in an hour'
'Okay'
Dad does not seem to notice when I get dressed but his ears prick up an hour later when I tell him I am going out.
Leah is waiting outside in Jake's pickup.
"Hi," she says as I clamber up beside her.
"Hi."
In silence, we drive up to one of the local tourist spots and pull up overlooking the twinkling lights of Forks.
"So," she says eventually, refusing to look at me, "what did Jake tell you?"
"That you guys turn into wolves to fight vampires. That you turned into a wolf before him but did not tell him. That some of you saved my life last week."
She nods, winding down the window so she can light a joint. I have already wound mine down by the time she hands it to me, and we hand it back and forth until it is done. Just like old times. But not. Since she did not snort at any of my words, or start teasing me, that must mean that the wolves and the vampires are real. And the last vestiges of sanity I have been hanging onto are finally gone,
"Harry was still very new," she begins when she is ready, "and Jake took him to mom's for the evening so I could get a head start on a decent night's sleep, I was so tired. I had a bath, but as I was getting ready for bed, I started to feel hot and shaky. It was so bad I started to text Jake that he had to come home. But I couldn't finish it, I couldn't control my hands, hold the phone. I thought I was going to die. The next thing I knew I was running in the forest with a giant black wolf, Sam."
She rolls and lights another joint and we begin the passing ritual again.
"We hunted deer, I don't remember everything, but I do remember that I fucking loved the deer. The next thing I remember is waking up, naked, on our bed at home. The place was a mess and as I was tidying up, I found my shredded clothes on the porch. I had no fucking clue what was happening, I was just glad that Jake was late home. It turns out that Paul had gone round to mom's to keep him busy. I had just about sorted the mess out and made up my excuses for Jake when Sam rocked up. Human Sam. That was an awkward conversation."
"Leah . . . ." I try to interrupt but she shakes her head, so I let her continue.
"He explained what had happened to me. And why. And what would happen next. Then he left, promising to come back when Jake left for work in the morning. Jake came home with Harry a while later and went ape shit at me for smoking a joint."
"Why didn't you tell him?" I ask.
"Sam ordered me not to," is her reply.
"Why?"
"We didn't know if Jake would change too and Sam thought that no one except the Pack should know."
"The Pack?"
"That's what we are, the La Push wolf pack."
"How many of you are there?"
"Ten."
"Fuck," I breathe, grabbing her stash to roll another joint.
"It turns out," she sighs, "that everyone knows. Do you remember the stories when we were kids?"
"Yes."
"No one thought to say anything, to warn any of us, even though they must have known what the Cullens were, what could happen. Not one word. But now we've started changing every old codger on the Res is a fucking expert. It's like being back at school."
"What happened with Jake?"
She snorts, so I wait.
"You know what it's like to be a woman?"
I nod.
"The men, when they changed, they were all 'sick' protected, taken care of, welcomed. No one knew what to do with a new mother, a woman, so they largely wimped out and left me to it. No word of a lie we are the stronger sex, they're all fucking useless without us."
I nod, again.
"The other reason they were avoiding me is even less fun. When we're in our wolf form we can read each other's minds. It's wonderful for communication in a fight but your every mental pimple is exposed to your pack mates. It takes a while to kick in reliably but when it did everyone knew everything, and I mean everything, that happened between me and Sam. Even when I took those pills."
"Oh, Leah, I am so sorry," I gasp, reaching out to take her hand.
"So," she continues, "they were weird with me, and worse, they were weird with Jake. He knew something was up, and Bella, he was so sweet. But when he started acting strangely, I wasn't sure why, I didn't know if he was about to change or it was just because of the distance between us, but I wanted to ask him about it. So badly. But I couldn't. Sam was the Alpha, and when the Alpha gives an order you can't go against it. Not even if you want to, it's just physically impossible."
Now she's crying softly, and my heart is breaking for her.
"It was so hard, Bella," she sobs, "trying to hold it together for Harry, Seth and mom. Trying to find a way to re-connect with Jake, get him to open up to me. Paul came round and told me when Jake started to phase, and I knew I'd run out of time. In a few days, if he didn't know already, he'd know about me and everything about me and Sam."
"Yesterday?" I ask and she shakes her head.
"No. When he came home and told me what was going on, I was so frustrated and so mad that they hadn't let me tell him about me, or even bothered to tell him themselves, that I lost control and phased."
"But now he knows, at least," I offer, "and he didn't seem upset about that part last night."
"Well he's fucking upset now," she wails, "he knows everything. We had an even bigger fight, we phased and knocked down the back of the workshop. And he's fucked off with Sam and the other 'men' and I don't know what to do!"