Chapter 28

Naomi walked up to the small grocery store, hoping that Mark was there. She didn't want to disturb Tim just yet after the stress of their arrival, and she really wanted to talk to this man who had taken it upon himself to save her son.

She'd really never lived in a place with a grocery store like this. Oh, she had vague memories of visiting her grandparents in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere in northern Minnesota, but she herself hadn't really experienced this kind of a store.

She liked it.

There was a bell attached to the door and it jangled as she came inside.

"I'll be right out!" came Mark's voice from the back.

Naomi waited, smiling at the care taken to be there for a customer coming into the store. Walmart definitely didn't give that. Greeters or no greeters.

As Mark emerged from one of the aisles, he smiled pleasantly, and Naomi was surprised anew by how large he was. She didn't know why. Perhaps it was just too many years with Sam in a wheelchair. She wasn't used to anyone besides Tim towering over her.

"Mrs. McGee, what I can I do for you?"

"I was hoping to talk to you, if you have the time. If you're busy I can wait," Naomi said. "I was hoping you were here. I didn't want to make Tim even more tense by showing up unannounced at your house again."

"Well, actually, Tim isn't there, either."

"What? He's not? Where is he?"

"At his house, I'm guessing. Agent Gibbs showed up this morning around 9:30 and asked if Tim would go with him. I think he wanted to talk without an audience," Mark said. He smiled. "I'm on hand if needed... and sometimes, even when I'm not."

"And they're not back yet?" she asked, feeling worried.

"No, not yet. If you want, I can give you directions to the house where Tim was living, but I really think it's okay."

Naomi forced herself to take a breath and calm down. Gibbs wouldn't leave them guessing about Tim's whereabouts again. He wouldn't make them worry like that. It was fine.

"No, I'll trust you."

Mark looked surprised. "You will? Why?"

Naomi laughed. "You don't think you're trustworthy?"

"Oh, I do, but I'm surprised that you agree with me. You met me for the first time yesterday."

"But you saved my son. That means something to me. It means a lot to me. I was only ever able to have two children, and at that, Sarah was...an unexpected gift, and she's been spoiled because of it. Tim was our first and he always has taken his job as an older brother very seriously. And I haven't lost him... because you, for some reason, decided to take on something that had to have been hard."

"It was hard," Mark said candidly. "It was really hard, and a couple of times, I did wonder why I was bothering when Tim himself didn't seem to care, but... but he needed someone who would care. And I was here. I'm not married. My family is all down in Florida, and running the store is old hat for me now. I have friends here. I grew up here, actually, and I had the time to spend on it. Besides, I don't like seeing someone so down."

"Could you tell from the first time you met him?" Naomi asked.

"No. I thought he was odd because he was moving here in the fall and would be going through a winter in Maine pretty early in his experience with the state. Maine winters aren't for the faint of heart. But the second time I saw him, he looked like he might have been drinking pretty heavily although he didn't admit it at the time. So I started watching when he would come, and something didn't seem right even though things were...normal on the surface. Once the snow came, I checked on him a few times and once, I found him drunk out of his skull. But I didn't realize how much worse it actually was so I didn't stop him really. I just made sure I had an excuse to keep checking on him by delivering his groceries. I figured that he needed to know someone was watching him. It hasn't fixed everything, but..."

"It's enough," Naomi said. "It really is enough. Based on what you're telling me, Tim would have been dead without you. That's what I was afraid of. I was afraid that Tim had gone somewhere to kill himself and just make sure no one knew. He left us a note saying that we should forget about him, that he didn't matter, that he was nobody." She felt tears in her eyes. "I hate that my son felt that way about himself, and all I wanted was to save him from that. ...but you did, at least enough to keep it from being fatal. There's no way to repay it, but I would try if you wanted me to."

"Of course not," Mark said. "That's not why you do something like this. Eventually, I hope you'll convince Tim to leave here. Maybe, he can come back when he's happy again and enjoy Maine the way it should be enjoyed. But the best thanks for me would be to see him happy... because I haven't. I've never seen Tim happy."

"I'm sorry that you haven't," Naomi said. "I'm biased, but Tim is such a wonderful person that it breaks my heart to see him broken as he is...especially since this is better than he was."

"Mothers are supposed to be biased," Mark said, smiling gently. "But let me tell you that Tim isn't a terrible person right now. He's going through something terrible and he doesn't always act the best, but he is not terrible. One of the locals got in a minor accident on his snowmobile and when I got there, Tim was trying to help him. He'd barely left his house at that point, but he heard the accident and tried to help. Actually, that was what triggered the breakdown that let me know how bad it really was. That's when I stopped letting him drink and when I made him stay at my place instead of alone at his. I don't know what the next step is, now that you guys are all here, but I'm hoping it involves him leaving with you. It just might take some time for him to realize that."

"It might. He gets his stubbornness from me," Naomi said. "But we're staying until he's ready to leave. It'll be expensive but that doesn't matter."

"Where are you staying?" Mark asked.

"This old converted farm, south of here."

"Oh, I know who owns that place. You should talk to them about what's going on. Ask for Sherry. Tell her what you're doing and why you're here and she'll work with you on the rates."

"We can afford it," Naomi said, quickly. "I wasn't suggesting that we couldn't."

"Of course, but a lot of their revenue comes from big wedding parties in the summer and early fall. We're just coming out of the mud season now and they're not going to be full. Giving you a little break on the cost of staying there will just make it easier for you and won't hurt them. You should ask them. Really." Then, he grinned. "Mention me and Sherry will know exactly what's going on."

Naomi found herself smiling back. "In a good way or a bad way?"

Mark laughed. "Good. I promise."

"Thank you."

"No problem. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?"

Naomi shook her head. "You've already done so much. If I could convince Tim to leave, we would get him out of your hair, but I don't know that I could right now."

"Probably not. Except for one lamp that he broke, there's no problem and at that, it wasn't expensive. He was walking in the dark and tripped. My friend Harris is acting as his therapist right now because Augusta is too far away, but when you get Tim to leave, he'll be happy to make sure all of his evaluations are available."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Come by any time."

Then, Mark headed to the back of the store. Naomi looked around one more time and then walked out. As she did, she saw a car pulling up in front of Mark's house. Tim got out of the car and started inside. Then, Gibbs got out of the car and obviously said something. She was too far away to hear the conversation, but Tim turned back and then he looked across the street and saw Naomi standing there. Gibbs also looked back. Naomi took a breath and walked over. As she got closer, she could see that Tim had been crying not too long ago.

"Hi, Mom," Tim said, softly.

"Where were you?" Naomi asked.

"At my house. With Gibbs."

"Why?"

"We were talking," Gibbs said.

"I... I'm tired, Mom. I need to go inside," Tim said. Then, he turned and went into Mark's house.

Naomi turned on Gibbs, striving for calm but wanting to go on the attack.

"What were you talking about?" Naomi asked, just short of demanding.

"He needed me to forgive him."

"Forgive him?" Naomi repeated incredulously. "Tim isn't guilty of anything but caring too much! How could you even–?"

"I know," Gibbs said, interrupting. "But he needed to be forgiven. He sees himself as guilty and he's not going to get anywhere if he thinks I'm suffering because of him. So even if I can't get him to believe me when I say he's not to blame, he knows that, if he does bear any of it, I'm not blaming him because I'm forgiving him. He's not to blame. He shouldn't need forgiveness, but he does."

Naomi took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I know," she whispered. "I just want my son back, Agent Gibbs. I know you're all suffering from loss, but... even though we know where Tim is now, even though we're here... we still don't have him back. He's still lost to us right now and I... I can't lose him again. I want to take that weight he's carrying away from him."

"So do I... because I put it there," Gibbs said.

Naomi sighed. "Maybe you did, but Tim also took it and added more weights himself. He wasn't thinking clearly when he did it, but I know that you didn't say he was guilty."

"No, but I didn't do anything about how he was feeling when I could have. Mrs. McGee, I messed up with your son, not just with this last case, but in the year before it. He took a lot of hits and I did nothing to help him through it. So I'm going to do whatever I can to help him, and right now, that means forgiving him even though he hasn't done anything wrong."

Naomi was silent for a moment and then, even though it was hard, she forced herself to look Gibbs in the eye.

"And I forgive you, Agent Gibbs... if there's anything you're still blaming yourself for."

And she saw a flash of surprise in Gibbs eyes. It wasn't there for long, but it was there. She took one more breath.

"If Tim is tired right now, I'm not going to push myself on him. I have some things to work out with the hotel. I'll be back later."

Gibbs just nodded. Naomi walked back to her car and got in. She sat motionless for a moment and then she took another deep breath and tried to let go of any blame she might lay at Gibbs' feet. It was more important to help Tim than it was to blame Gibbs.

And Mark was right. Tim needed all the help he could get.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony was sitting at home, wondering if there was something he should be doing. He'd mostly felt helpless during the last year. Things were better, but still, he could close his eyes and see that same moment playing out over and over again. It was like seeing Kate killed. That same angry, helpless feeling.

Now, Tim had been found and Tony felt like he wasn't doing anything to help. The problem was that he didn't know what to do. With Tim's family and Gibbs both on the scene in Maine, he was pretty sure that Tim would have enough to deal with and he wouldn't want anyone else showing up.

But what else could he do?

He hated feeling like there was nothing. Nothing had been right since Abby had been killed. Everything had felt wrong, and Tim being missing had only magnified that feeling. And nothing had fixed it. Could anything? Would it always just feel a little wrong?

There was a knock on his door.

With a sigh, Tony got up and walked over to the door and looked through it. He was a little surprised but he opened it up.

"Ziva, shouldn't you be out with your boyfriend?" he asked.

Ziva smiled. "I do not have to spend every moment with Oliver. He has things to do, and we do not always like the same things."

"Like me?"

Ziva laughed. "I was speaking of general things, not this specific moment. May I come in?"

"Sure."

Tony stood aside. Ziva walked in and sat down on his couch.

"You want anything?" Tony asked.

"No."

Tony walked over and sat down. Ziva stared at him intently.

"Do you want Tim to come back?" she asked.

"You never used to call him Tim, you know," Tony said, putting off answering her question. "Now, you always do."

"It is his name."

"Yeah."

"And Oliver and Teresa tend to use first names more than you and Gibbs do. I have got into the habit of it because I have spent so much time with them."

"Oh."

"Do you not want Tim to come back?" Ziva asked, refusing to be put off.

"What if he doesn't?"

"Do you want him back?"

Tony sighed. "I'm afraid he won't," he finally admitted. "I'm afraid that we've lost two people instead of one, and I'm not doing anything to fix it, but I don't feel like I can and..." He sighed again. "Ziva, what am I supposed to do?"

Ziva looked surprised, and Tony knew why. He was never uncertain. He was always confident about something. But after the last year, he felt like he couldn't really help with this, even though he wanted to.

Proving that she had changed dramatically, Ziva smiled and seemed genuinely sympathetic.

"I do not know the answers, Tony, but I know that... if Tim does come back, I will be happy to see him and I will be happy to help him feel comfortable here again. I think it will be hard, but that is what I can do. And it is something you can do, too. If Tim knows we are happy to see him, to have him come back, he is much more likely to stay."

Tony felt his brow furrow.

"When did you get so all-knowing and wise?" he asked.

Ziva's smile widened to a grin. "I have always been this way. You just did not notice."

"But you still can't use contractions," Tony said.

"Ha. I can, but it is easier not to."

"Yeah, sure." Then, Tony took a breath and got serious again. "Do you think he'll come back? After all this?"

"For a time, yes," Ziva said. "I do not know if he will stay. Maybe Abby's death will be too much for him. It was almost too much for you and for Gibbs."

"Yeah," Tony said, feeling a little ashamed of that. "But I would have moved on to something else. I don't think Gibbs would have."

Ziva nodded. "And perhaps it will be that way for Tim, but I know that, no matter what, I just want him to be happy again. If he has not been, then, I will do what I can to help him. ...and for now, that means waiting, even though I do not want to."

Tony was quiet for a moment. Then, he smiled ruefully.

"You know... back at the beginning of this, I went to Gibbs and I told him that I needed him to do something to get over it because we were dragging each other down. One of the reasons I said it mattered was because I didn't think you had anywhere else to go. ...but I think you're the strongest of us."

Ziva shook her head. "No, Tony. I have seen so much death that I am able to ignore the pain of it. It is not strength to be able to not care. It is strength to care and to get through it. Oliver has that strength, and he has been teaching it to me, but I was never as close to Abby as you were. You knew her longer and she hated me for weeks when I first came here."

"Yeah... Abby could act like a spoiled kid sometimes," Tony said, smiling sadly. "Kate dying really got to her. She was like that more after. Before... I don't know how to explain it, but she was different. Not completely. I mean, she got McGee to go out into a corn field and collect samples after they found a crop circle. It was probably one of the few times that she refused to believe science. She could always get McGee to do things for her, even after they broke up."

"He still loved her," Ziva said.

"Yeah. The breakup was all on Abby's side so far as I could tell... not that they told me much," Tony said and smiled. "I don't invite confidences."

"That is because you exploit them," Ziva said, laughing a little.

"Yeah, I do." Tony leaned back on his couch. "I remember the case that got McGee on our team permanently. He'd been doing a lot of extra work. I think he was trying to show that he deserved it, but he was working with Abby and we were on the scene. He and Abby were back in Autopsy, trying to figure out where the bad guy was, trying to do something to make sure he didn't kill this guy's wife. And McGee was terrified that he was going to be the one who got this woman killed. Gibbs told him to do something... and Tim pretended he was the FBI and piped his voice over the intercom. Totally distracted the guy and let us get there in time. That was when I knew McGee was going to be great on the team... even if I didn't tell him that. Ever."

Ziva smiled, but she didn't say anything. Tony found himself talking more.

"I remember... there was this case and it had this private detective who was like McGee's hero or something. He was gaga over the guy... until it turned out that he'd tried to frame an innocent man just to get some money. He was really upset about that. I think he felt betrayed by it, even though he never said. I told him it was all about the money, and McGee said... for some reason, I remember it. He said, 'Sometimes. Not always.'" Tony shook his head. "He always did take things too seriously."

Ziva sat beside him on the couch, occasionally contributing, but mostly, Tony was just talking. Talking about Abby, talking about Tim, even talking about Kate some. And it was just reminiscing. There was some pain attached to it because of the nature of the loss, but he really hadn't ever talked about any of them, and he was surprised at how much it helped. Just being able to talk without worrying about causing pain by doing it.

It was probably the first time since Abby had been killed that he'd felt free just to talk.

And Ziva let him.