When Tenten awoke, she did not feel as terrible as she would have expected. Not that she'd been expecting to wake up at all. She still felt strangely impartial, almost bold in her defiance of everything that had mattered before - So she wasn't worth the air she breathed. So what? She never had been. No reason anything should change now.
She would continue to work hard, never be good enough for anything and then die, either alone or surrounded by an enemy of some kind. That suited her just fine. She was Tenten. Weapon mistress. Because that was the only thing she could do. She could choose weapons for better men. That was her talent.
Looking at a soldier, knowing what weapon would be the extension of his fighting style. Knowing how weapons would interact with one another large-scale on the battle ground. Figuring out exactly what materials would go well together. How to balance them, how to throw, thrust or clean them. Knowing this was the only thing that made her useful, she clung to her image. Embraced it.
Then she realized that in her line of thinking, she had completely ignored that she had woken up a lot different than she had fallen asleep. The last thing she remembered was stumbling home and then… giving up. Because she had no home. The only place she had was Neji's place. Not hers. His. It was a Hyūga apartment. And she was not a Hyūga.
She had a certificate that said so but everyone knew, deep down, that she wasn't. Even Neji. That's why he kept asking her to back out. She would have liked to prove him wrong - she always enjoyed proving him wrong - but there was no denying it. She was not made of the right stuff. Thinking of Neji also made Tenten realize that she picked weapons better than she picked her men.
Tenten chuckled bitterly as she tried to open her eyes to finally take in her new surroundings. She had to laugh because otherwise she would have cried at the realization that today she was a pitiful drunk. She hadn't been that in a long, long time. She was usually the loud, funny drunk. The kind people liked being around, for a while at least. The kind they knew would not be any trouble. But that's not how she felt right now. She felt like being trouble.
When she finally managed to open her eyes and saw Neji sitting next to her on the floor, eyes closed, she knew how to create it. His eyes shot open immediately when she shifted her weight on the mattress. Of course he had not been sleeping. The big Neji Hyūga, almost godlike with his stealth and discipline. The envy of all the academy students. The idiot had talent coming out his wazoo. But Tenten would show him he did not intimidate her.
Unable to move forward with her plan, Tenten had to admit his penetrating gaze held some kind of power over her; she couldn't figure out why though. His gaze grew more insistent and there must've been a reason for it, but Tenten couldn't imagine what it was. Until she realized he was talking to her. Trying to, at least.
She had no idea what he was saying. The sounds he was making reached her ears as if she were underwater. Caught in her world of damp, murmured sounds, she fixated on his mouth. And her plan took shape again. She fell forwards. It was a very deliberate fall. She had fully intended to plant the sloppy kiss on him, sort of. To be fair, she hadn't planned for it to be clumsy; all she knew was that she wanted to prove… something.
She also had not planned on half of her falling out of bed. She caught herself with her hands and managed to sustain the kiss or at least her pressing her mouth against his face a little longer. Then she was able to readjust her body position, so she could fling her legs off the bed. More energetic than agile, they landed on the floor next to Neji. In this position she was a lot more stable, her feet planted on the floor, her torso finally upright; it was nice being able to look down at him from where she was sitting on the bed. He was still on the floor but he was in an alert position. One she could not help but admire. His body was stiff and hard. She let her arms hang casually over his shoulders.
"I want you," she mumbled before she leaned in for another kiss. But this one was stopped short by him. He did so by lifting his hand, probably to physically stop her torso's advance, but Tenten completely misinterpreted his hand on her chest.
"A little forward," she shrugged. "But you've always been efficient."
Then she dropped her arms from his shoulders and let her fingers slide up his thighs. Her lips targeted his mouth again. He shrank back from her as though she were white-hot metal, retracting his entire body from her grasp. He was pressing into her sternum, right between her breasts to get even more distance between them. Now it was more than clear the gesture was not Neji touching her with passion but pushing her away. Tenten blinked at the realization as though blinking away fog from her gaze. This new information also made her stomach churn unpleasantly. She couldn't even be sure whether it was his behavior or her behavior that was making her sick.
Of course he had not wanted to kiss her. She remembered the last time they had been intimate with one another. It had been an awful experience. Admittedly, perhaps it had felt good somehow, somewhere inside her. For a bit. An instance. But the memory was tainted by how he had rushed off, disgusted. Mentally, Tenten compared it to other unpleasant sexual experiences.
She remembered her drunken encounters with other men and it was undeniable that sleeping with Neji had been different. Upsetting in a different way, for different reasons. Tenten's mind was so slow, it was painful to think but she pushed through it to retrieve the memories. Past encounters with men leaving her with a sick feeling, were always followed by relief, when they were over. Even if she had initiated the encounter, she relished when they left because she knew she wouldn't be able to hide her reaction at their touch much longer. She never dwelt on this, but it seemed strange she would want to go through these encounters again and again. It called into question what she thought about sex and the men she had it with. And even more important, what she thought about herself. When she slept with them she always felt like she was punishing herself - and fulfilling a duty at the same time.
The duty was tied to her sex drive. She wanted sex. She liked sex. She did not want to deny herself sex. In fact, she felt responsible for supplying her body with it. So, when someone was interested, she had sex. But then when she was having it, it didn't actually seem to be what she had wanted after all. Their touch would mostly elicit a strange feeling. There was a part of her that believed she did not deserve to feel real pleasure. So, she kept seeking out encounters that weren't the real thing. As though it was ok to engage with these men in carnal lust because they weren't giving her what she really craved. It was debauched. It was dirty. It was less than… Tenten emerged from her dark musings and tried to focus on Neji's eyes.
The nausea she experienced with those other nameless men didn't compare to her experience with Neji but she couldn't put her finger on why it was different. Tenten's stomach heaved and she fell to the floor, rolled up into a little ball. Of course Neji had not wanted to kiss her. She had no idea whom he would like to kiss but it would certainly not be unworthy little her. One probably had to at least present a challenge to him in battle to woe his heart. Arrogant bastard.
Through heavy-lidded eyes Tenten could make out how Neji had stopped mid-movement in reaching out for her. She looked at him, puzzled. There was an unfamiliar look on his face. It made Tenten think. Had she said some of her thoughts aloud…?
ttt
The words were slurred but their heated passion was undiluted.
"Arrogant bastard."
They shook Neji to his core. He had wanted to cradle her softly and put her back to bed but the intensity of her voice left him frozen. He would have to move eventually, so he checked his breathing and heart rate - ragged and slightly elated - before he decided what to do. It warranted some thought. She clearly must have thought he was someone else before.
The words "I want you" still rang in his ear and he was certain they could not have been truly intended for him. But it was curious how the voice she was using right now was not one she used with many people. With its sardonic lilt, It was reserved for him. It was how she expressed her disapproval for him. He had heard it many times though perhaps never uttered with so much passion.
Neji could not stop his mind from trying to make sense of her utterances. He did not want his mind to go down that rabbit hole but this time his discipline faltered. Perhaps he had used up the last bit of mental strength to keep her eager lips off of him. I want you. They had done dangerous things to his insides. Arrogant bastard. Did he deserve to be insulted for having enjoyed her touch for just an instance? After all, he had stopped it.
Granted, he had not gone about it with his usual elegance - thrusting his hand forward the way he had - but he really resented any accusation towards him. He had stopped it. He had not given in, not taken advantage of her the way he felt he had last time. As a consequence, he resented her tone, her passionate disapproval of him.
More gruff than usual, he grabbed her under her shoulders and dragged her back to the bed, depositing her on it with as little care he could muster. It hurt him a little to manhandle her in such a way but he really did not want her to guess how terrified he was of handling her too softly. Elegant, he could handle. Efficient, he could handle. But soft. Tender even. She would not appreciate that. The only time he had touched her with real tenderness, it had resulted in what he had read as extreme discomfort on her face. He would not let her experience that again. And so he repositioned her with hard hands and an even harder countenance.
ttt
The next morning was filled with two different kinds of nausea. The first was no big deal. It was of the vomit variety and was probably afflicting the majority of the city right about now. The second one was bone-deep and had hit her at the realization of what had transpired in the dark. It was the thought of how she had thrown herself at him much more than any effects of the alcohol that made her crawl to the bathroom to heave. There was apparently no more vomit left, which meant she still got to experience all the discomfort without there being any relief when the toxins actually shot out of one's mouth. Great, she thought sarcastically. She had gotten the best of both worlds.
Neji joined her at some point, placing a cup with water next to her on the ornate expensive tiles his family money had bought. Haughty, filthy-rich bastard. Tenten felt disgusted with herself as she realized how unfair her thoughts were. Neji did not actually like to touch the family money for himself. Luckily he did not need to. His work as an assassin was very well paid. Following this sudden impulse, Tenten's hand reached out for his ankle to stop him. The light touch did not go unnoticed. His sharp senses registered her weak attempt and he returned to kneel down onto one knee next to her.
"I'm sorry," she croaked.
His cool voice betrayed none of his thoughts. "For what?"
"Everything but particularly for wanting to kiss you."
"You wanted to kiss me?" His confusion was baffling to Tenten. Surely, the great Neji had not been drunk himself? Did he not remember?
"No, not want. Just… I donnow. Stuff." She was too tired for thinking.
"That is what I assumed. I have an impeccable memory and did not forget your aversion to me."
The cool tone was infused with a dash of his usual superiority. She was well aware of the nature of his memory. It was indeed annoyingly accurate. But this time, she realized, surprisingly, there was an error somewhere.
"You mean mutual aversion," she corrected for some reason. It was as though she wanted to make sure they were on the same page.
"Pardon?" Neji replied just as levelly as before. He definitely was not hung-over. At all.
"Don't try to be a gentleman with me. You know that Hyūga crap doesn't work on me. I was there. I remember." She managed to get up on her hands and knees. "Now be a man and just admit you were just as disgusted."
Neji did not say anything, just followed her attempts at resurrection skeptically.
"Don't be like that. So, you had an idea. It sucked. Just get over yourself, you-" she stopped herself before she called him an 'arrogant bastard' again. One look at his face confirmed though that he had heard the unspoken words anyway.
"You really perceive me as arrogant," he stated. It was a factual, not a question. There was no doubt in his voice.
"Tell me, do I disgust you so much because I remind you of my uncle? Do you, perhaps, think we are the same?"
Tenten rolled her eyes.
"Is that part of the reason why you are, as you put so eloquently, 'out'?", he asked.
Tenten was not in an adequate state to have this discussion. She had managed to get herself in an upright sitting position but he still towered over her, physically and morally.
"Please don't play that card," Tenten murmured. She could feel the anger coming off of him.
Very quietly, very dangerously he said: "Card?"
"The 'Oh, poor me, I'm being judged for my uncle' card. It does not suit you and it also doesn't make sense."
"I am many things but illogical is not one of them," he warned. Tenten wanted to shake him but she was afraid it would hurt her head more being the shaker than it would his being shaken.
"You got so many advantages from your family. You got all the talent, all the money, all the recognition and, yes, your life was not ideal but you have had it way better than most."
He muttered something so softly; she could not hear it. She felt like going back to sleep.
"I do not have all the talent." Neji's voice had changed. There was a new danger lurking within it. Its sound prompted Tenten to open her eyes. Two blank orbs stared back at her, his family's heritage and it made Tenten angry. He could not have all the talent and all the sympathy. He just couldn't!
"I'm sorry you're upset you had to pick your wife up off - I don't know - probably the street or somewhere yesterday. But I said I was 'out' and I meant it. You and your stupid family have no regard for other people and you know what? They're right. You should've never, ever asked me to marry you in the first place."
Neji should have chosen someone more powerful, more proper, someone who would catch Hiashi's eye and not let go of it. Somebody who could weather his glance because she knew she had just as much power as any of them. If not Neji, then at least Hinata should have realized how woefully inadequate Tenten was to the task of being someone's wife. A Hyūga's wife.
Come to think of it, Tsunade should have said something as well. Brilliant, beautiful, powerful Tsunade. Tenten had once wanted to be like her before she realized her abilities were nowhere near Tsunade's level. They all existed on a whole other plane of being. Somewhere where people were amazing. Constantly developing new techniques and saving lives rather than being saved. Tenten felt like vomiting again when she realized she was being pitiful again. If someone had to man up, it was herself!
Shakily, she got up onto her feet.
"I'll be out of your way soon," she promised as she shuffled past him.
"You're leaving?" It sounded like an accusation.
"Yes, of course I'm leaving," Tenten snarled. "What did you think 'I'm out' meant?"
She was so slow that by the time Neji's pause came to an end she had only made it to the bathroom door.
"I had assumed your being out referred to your involvement with my family."
"It referred to my involvement with Hyūgas." Tenten stopped in the doorframe and looked over her shoulder. With sarcasm dripping from her words, she asked: "And you're one, aren't you?"
It took him longer than it should have to answer. There was a hint of conflict. As though he was contemplating telling her something. Tenten had no patience for him though. She just wanted to get away from this whole mess. And so she did.
Once she had made it back into his bedroom, she started gathering some of her belongings into her travel bag. For some things she had to go into her own room and scavenge in between Tsunade's things. All of this occurred painfully slow, which was why it was surprising that Neji remained in the bathroom for most of the time. Only when she was about to leave, did he come out.
"You can't leave," he informed her with a mechanic voice.
"Go ahead. You try and tell me what I can and can't do, Mister," Tenten dared. Then she slung her bag over her shoulder, the impact causing a wave of headache to ripple through her and mouthed: "Watch me."
He swiftly moved to her front, blocking her path. He repeated his earlier statement.
Tenten was dumbfounded. Was this some kind of misguided family honor? Was he afraid of 'Neji Hyūga: Left by his wife!' outcries? He was a very proud man but never would she have imagined that he would not let her go. It was really unbelievable if you thought about it. First, he wanted to get rid of her and now he wouldn't let her leave. The impertinence!
Resigned, Tenten wondered whether he had always been like this and she had just been kidding herself about their friendship this whole time or had it developed in the last couple of years? The years in which they had grown increasingly distant?
Either way, one thing was clear. He was this person now and she had no respect left for him or his family. She had no misconceptions about herself: she knew exactly what she was and that wasn't great but now that she was sobering up, she was no longer pitiful. She was angry.
"You and your family can drop dead. I hope people talk. I hope you finally know what it feels like to have people be disappointed in you instead of impressed." Her words were spiteful and full of vengeance, spewed out between hot lips. Then she dug her palm into her pocket, fished out the key to this place - what he had called her home; he must have been ironic! - and threw it at him before storming out. The strangest thing was he did not even dodge it. The great Neji Hyūga, assassin, prodigy and general ninja extraordinaire let something she, Tenten, had thrown hit him right in one of his precious inherited eyes.