Chapter 12
Both Aunt Effie and I sit in stunned silence as the words "They've eloped" run on repeat throughout my head. I cannot make sense of them. They do not make sense.
Aunt Effie recovers quicker than I and says the words that seem to have deserted me.
"Mr Mellark and Mis Undersee have eloped? You must be mistaken," she says.
Miss Cartwright seems oblivious to the torment these words are causing me and answers in her usual breezy manner.
"Oh, there has been no mistake. My cousin heard the story first-hand from the man who saw then entering the carriage together. And we all know that there is only one reason a young couple cross the northern border," she replies. "I have to say they make a very fine match! Both are so handsome and so very rich. I am only surprised that they did not marry sooner!"
I shake my head still struggling to believe the words that are coming out of Miss Cartwright's mouth. Both Madge and Peeta had assured me that their feelings have always been platonic and had no intention to ever marry. How could this have changed?
"And which man saw them get into the carriage? How do we know that this man is not just making up gossip for the sake of it?" Aunt Effie asks, more alert to the details of the story that I am.
Miss Cartwright finally senses that we are not overjoyed with this news and frowns. She carefully places her cup of tea down before speaking.
"Why would anyone make something like this up? There is nothing to be gained from it," she says.
She may be right about that but some people are eager to embellish certain stories to make themselves sound more interesting, a tactic that Miss Cartwright regularly employs.
She is beginning to look a bit offended by my aunt's questions and our general lack of enthusiasm for this gossip. Normally she could rely on Aunt Effie to pour over every minute detail of the story and speculate how the event came about. But Miss Cartwright is not getting her desired response.
"And if you really must know it was Mr Latier who spotted them. Mr Mellark had written to him earlier in the day to postpone a business meeting they were suppose to have and he saw them when he went to visit and check Mr Mellark was alright. We all know that Mr Mellark always keeps his business meetings," she adds.
My heart sinks at her words. I have met Mr Latier a couple of times at dinner parties and balls and he is one of the most sensible men in the District. He normally avoids gossip and Peeta had mentioned in his letters that his last meeting was with Mr Latier before he was due back at Trindale. Miss Cartwirght's story has echoes of truth to it even if I do not want to believe it.
Aunt Effie realises that Mr Latier is a reliable source of information and her shoulders sink as she looks over at me sympathetically. I hang my head, my heart feeling heavier by the second.
Miss Cartwright still looks confused by our reaction and her frown has deepened so much that here is a deep crease between her brows.
"I thought you would be delighted by the news. You were only saying to me three weeks past how much you desired to see Mr Mellark settled and married. He could not have made a better match in the District," she says.
My aunt gives me another mournful look before turning back to Miss Cartwright.
"I did indeed, Miss Cartwright. We love Mr Mellark very much and wish to see him happy," she replies, flashing a quick glance in my direction.
But I cannot look her in the eye. I fear if I do I might do something stupid like cry. Aunt Effie sighs again before proceeding.
"But I was convinced that Mr Mellark's heart was with someone else," she adds.
Miss Cartwright's eyes light up and widen at these words. She leans towards my aunt with eagerness.
"Really? Had Mr Mellark declared his feelings for another to you? That would be another twist in the tale!" Miss Cartwright says, excitedly. "Which other lady do you speak of?"
Aunt Effie straightens and pushes her shoulders back as she stares at Miss Cartwright.
"I will not say any more on the matter. There is enough speculation as there is," she says.
Miss Cartwright's shoulders sink and she sighs but then she notices my slumped posture and my refusal to look in her direction and she pieces it all together. Her eyes light up again and she is practically giddy with her new realisation.
"Had he declared feelings for you, Miss Everdeen? My darling Mr Chamberlain tells me that you spend a lot of time in the forests together," she says.
My heart sinks even further into my chest. I do not want to be part of this story but Miss Cartwright will now add my heartbreak to every future retelling of it. I do not need that added misery.
Abruptly, I stand, almost knocking over my cup of tea as I do so, and pin my stare at Miss Cartwright.
"I would appreciate it if you left my name out of any of the gossip you engage in after you leave this house. I am not a victim in this story," I say with determination.
Miss Cartwright opens her mouth to speak but I am already leaving the room. I cannot bear to be in here any longer.
I sit at my desk in my bedroom staring out at the forest below. There is a quill in my hand but I make no effort to move is across the blank page in front of me. A thousand different scenarios run through my head of why Peeta and Madge would get into a carriage to go north of the border and the only relief I have is that I cannot imagine the two of them standing in a church together.
There is a soft knock on my door and Aunt Effie steps inside. Slowly I turn my head to face her and she gives me a sympathetic smile.
"I told Miss Cartwright to leave and I made it clear that if she dared mention your name I would make sure she receives no invites to dinner from the richest in society," she says as she takes a seat on my bed.
"Thank you," I say with a small grateful smile.
Aunt Effie nods her head and then reaches out to give my hand a reassuring squeeze.
"There has to be another explanation to this. Peeta would not have married Miss Undersee. I am sure of it," she says with a lot more determination than I feel.
I sigh as I shake my head.
"I did not receive a letter from him today. He made no mention of going north of the border in his previous letters. If there was another explanation, surely he would have written to tell me," I reply.
"I am sure he will write to you soon explaining everything. It just does not make sense. If they really were to marry, they would not need to cross the border. Only two days ago her aunt was here declaring her desire for their match. She would have her family's permission to marry so there would be no need to elope. I honestly believe there is another explanation for all this business," she says.
Her words give me a bit of comfort and I even manage a small smile.
"Peeta loves you, of that I am sure," Aunt Effie says squeezing my hand. "He is the happiest I have ever seen him since you came to Trindale. I am certain those feelings have not changed."
I nod my head.
"I love him too, Aunt Effie. I love him more than I ever thought possible," I reply.
Aunt Effie gives me a reassuring smile as she brushes some hair off my face.
"It has been a joy watching the two of you grow close," she says. "And I truly believed he was going to propose to you as soon as he returned from the Capitol. I still believe he will."
I give her hand another grateful squeeze and try to smile, desperately hoping that my aunt is correct.
Unsurprisingly I do not sleep well that night. My mind is too full of thoughts of Peeta and Madge and what they could be doing north of the border. As soon as the sun starts peeking on the horizon, I throw the sheets back and pull my hunting clothes on. There is only one place that will calm my thoughts.
I stay out for several hours, stalking rabbits and picking wild geese out of the sky. I was worried the woods would remind me too much of my walks with Peeta but as soon as I spied the first squirrel my mind turned off thoughts of him and only focused on the hairy creature in front of me. It is my best haul in a long time and I keep going until my hunting bag is full and weighing down on my shoulder. Slowly I trudge back to Trindale with twigs in my hair and mud on my cheek.
I had been gone so long that breakfast has almost finished being served when I enter the house and I grab a quick slice of bread from the kitchen when I unload my game unto the grateful cook. I am licking the crumbs off my fingers as I head back towards my bedroom to wash up when I hear Aunt Effie call my name from the breakfast room.
I have to double back a little and stand in the doorway to speak to her. The footmen are busy clearing the table and as usual Uncle Haymitch has his nose stuck in the newspaper but my aunt looks surprisingly happy considering the news we heard yesterday. She gives me an excited smile when she sees me.
"A letter arrived for you this morning," she says, tipping her head at an envelope placed neatly at my usual seat at the table.
My heart stops when I recognise the smooth and elegant strokes used to write my name. It is Peeta's handwriting.
Aunt Effie continues to smile at me brightly, surely having recognised the handwriting too, and my feet begin to move before I even realise it. My hand swipes up the letter and I quickly tear it open, my heart hammering loudly in my chest. I stumble a little in my haste to unfold the letter and let out a little yelp of pain as the paper cuts my skin. But eventually I get the letter unfolded and my eyes move back and forth quickly across the page.
My dearest Katniss,
I am so sorry to say that I will be delayed in my return to Trindale. I have had to leave the Capitol to assist with an urgent matter. I wish I could give you more details but it would not be prudent for me until everything is settled. I promise I will explain all once I am back.
Yours always,
Peeta
I am a little disappointed with the briefness of the note and the reasons for his trip over the border are made no clearer. With a heavy sigh I slump down on a dining chair and throw the letter onto the table.
Aunt Effie looks concerned and even Uncle Haymitch puts the newspaper down to look at me.
"The letter does not explain anything. It just tells me he is delayed in his return to Trindale," I say.
Aunt Effie's shoulders slump too and then her eyes land on the discarded letter. She tries to peer at the writing on the page and I push it closer to her.
"You can read it if you want but I am sure you will be just as disappointed as I am," I say.
Aunt Effie eagerly picks the letter up and reads it quickly.
"It is a pity he does not explain more in depth of why he had to leave the Capitol but I do not think the letter is as uninformative as you think, Katniss. He refers to you as his dearest Katniss and ends with yours always. That confirms to me that his feelings have not changed for you. I do believe he is as much as in love with you as ever," she says trying to sound cheery.
"Thank you for staying positive Aunt but I do not think my nerves will be settled until I know for sure he has not married her," I reply.
Uncle Haymitch shakes his head.
"You should have more faith in the boy. Anyone paying attention can see how much he cares for you," he says.
"It is not like you to be sentimental, Uncle," I reply.
Uncle Haymitch smiles.
"It is a rare occurrence," he says. "But maybe if I have more faith in his feelings than you do, you have a problem."
My uncle is right. Peeta told me he cared about me before he left. He kept telling me this in every letter he has written since. I can still remember the euphoric feeling when he kissed me. I had not doubted him before he left. I should not be doubting about him now. I love him and I need to trust that he loves me too.
I let a smile cross my face.
"Sometimes, Uncle, you can really be quite wise," I reply.
My uncle's words finally put me a bit at ease and by the time I make my way to Hob, to drop off some game and to teach my next reading lesson, my thoughts are no longer of worry but excitement to get Peeta back. Life at Trindale is not the same without him and the thought that I nearly lost him has put things into perspective. I should not waste another moment before I tell him I love him.
As usual, the children of Hob all rush over to me, grabbing my skirts, clamouring for my attention and Woof trying to sneak his hand in my basket. One pointed stare from me is enough for him to withdraw his hand guiltily and he drops his eyes to the ground.
"Sorry, Miss Katniss. I was hungry," he says.
I remember that feeling of hunger all too well and my heart aches for the little boy. I smile sympathetically at him as I pull a shiny apple out of the basket. Woof's eyes light up when I present it and he clasps his hand around it tightly before chopping down on it eagerly. I laugh as apple juice flies in the air due to his eagerness and he struggles to chew on the large chunk of apple in his mouth. Still chewing he looks up at me with hopeful eyes.
"Where's the bread?" he asks through a mouthful of apple.
"Unfortunately there is no bread today. Mr Mellark is still away," I reply with a shake of the head.
Woof huffs as he finally swallows the last mouthful of apple and then kicks a pebble on the ground.
"I wish Mr Mellark would hurry up and come back," he says.
"I could not agree more, Woof," I reply with a smile.
At breakfast the next morning I get excited as the butler comes to my place with a letter. Hoping it is another letter from Peeta, I quickly swipe the letter off the tray. Normally Aunt Effie would scold me for being impatient but she too is eager for more news of Peeta and all sets of eyes watch me carefully as I gather the letter in my hands. However my heart soon sinks when I see the handwriting.
"It's from Prim," I say, my head dropping down.
Aunt Effie smiles at me sympathetically.
"I do hope she is well. We really must invite her and your mother to Trindale. I am ashamed we have not done it sooner," she says.
I nod my head in agreement. The thought of Prim in Trindale does cheer me up a little. She may only be sixteen but I could have done with her comfort these last few days. She would have probably have been better at articulating what I am feeling that I am.
"She would really like that. I fear my descriptions of Trindale and District society are not satisfying her romantic heart," I reply.
"Well it will be sorted then! As soon as Mr Mellark is back at Trindale I will write and invite them to stay. You must really miss them," Aunt Effie replies.
I nod my head in reply and Uncle Haymitch goes back to reading his own letters.
"I have been informed that Mr Undersee has journeyed across the border to find his daughter. I am sure that this whole situation will be resolved swiftly and Peeta will be back in our company soon," he says.
I smile gratefully at my uncle. The thought of both Prim and Peeta at Trindale seems almost too good to be true.
I take Prim's letter to my room and savour every detail of her life in Seam. They thought Buttercup had gone missing but it turned out that he had just broken into another house a mile away and had been living life like a king as they fed him copious amounts of tiny fish from the stream. He must be the only cat who could be missing for a week and come back fatter. Prim has even started helping mother with her apothecary business and to my dismay my sister describes in great detail how they helped a farmer with gangrene in his foot.
I pick up my quill to write my reply to my sister. I write all about Mr Chamberlain's engagement to Miss Cartwright, grateful that Miss Cartwright had relayed the event in such depth. I can even describe the exact dress Miss Cartwright was wearing and every flower in the bouquet Mr Chamberlain brought round to propose with.
Next I write about my latest hunting trip and my lesson in Seam. I tell her of my pride at getting Woof to finally read a sentence by himself and how Twill likes to read through her doll. I have filled three pages before I know it but as I near the end of the third page I realise I have not mentioned Peeta once. I soon as I think about him my quill pauses and hovers over the page. My mind goes blank as I try to write about what has happened these last few days. So much about it is still unclear and I do not even know where to begin with it all. How can I explain something that I am not even sure about myself?
With a sigh I put down my quill and push the letter aside. I know I promised myself that I would trust Peeta about his feelings but I think until he has returned there is always going to be a small part of me that fears the rumours are true.
Once again I am eager for the letters to arrive the next morning. I do not even pretend to be listening to Aunt Effie's talk about the latest winter fashions. Instead I check the door every few seconds and my breakfast goes largely untouched. The nerves are always the worst at breakfast and the butterflies swirl about my stomach. I long for a letter explaining exactly why he went over the border but there is also part of me fearful that a letter will confirm Miss Cartwright's version of events.
Eventually the butler comes through with the tray of letters and I sit up straighter as my eyes follow the tray around the room. There are only a couple of letters today and my heart sinks as the butler deposits them all in front of Uncle Haymitch. The butler smiles sympathetically at me as he passes to exit the room.
"I apologise, Miss Everdeen. There are not letters for you today," he says.
I thank him before he leaves and my eyes drop to the egg in front of me as I begin to pick at it with my fork.
Uncle Haymitch folds his newspaper so he can read his letters instead. Aunt Effie reaches out to give my hand a comforting squeeze and I give her a small smile in return. She then draws her hand back so she can continue eating her own egg and I notice Uncle Haymitch frown as he reads the letter in his hand. Aunt Effie notices as well and looks at him quizzically.
"Is everything alright, darling?" she asks.
The look on Uncle's face becomes sombre and he slowly peels his eyes off the paper to look up at me. His eyes are full of sympathy when they meet mine and my heart immediately stops at the sight.
"This is a letter from Mr Undersee. He writes to inform us that his daughter got happily married across the border and looks forward to inviting us to dine at Underhill with his daughter and her new husband on their return," he says.
Aunt Effie shakes her head at the news and snatches the letter out of my uncle's hand.
"I do not believe this to be true," she says, her eyes quickly moving back and forth across the page. "It does not mention the name of her new husband. I refuse to believe it is Peeta."
"Who else is it going to be, Aunt Effie? We know it was Peeta she was seen with in the carriage. There was no one else," I reply.
"We do not know that for certain. There could have been someone else in the carriage. They could have picked someone else up on the way or met someone else up there. We should write to Marvel Reynolds and ask him about it. He is close with Miss Undersee and was in the Capitol last week as well. He must know something more. I refuse to believe Peeta would have done this to you, Katniss," Aunt Effie says determinedly.
I shake my head as I push my chair back to stand up.
"It seems we did not know Mr Mellark as well as we thought," I say.
Aunt Effie's mouth drops open to speak but I cannot hear anymore. The truth is there in black in white. Peeta has married Madge. He did not love me.
I turn away from my aunt and exit the room without looking back.
My footsteps get quicker the closer I get to my bedroom, eager for the sanctuary it holds. My emotions swirl up form my stomach, rising into my chest and threatening to overwhelm. I sniff back tears as I race to my room and fling the door open when I reach it. I slam the door behind me and press my back up against it and I gasp as the tears build up between my eyes. In the solitude of my room I feel my heart crack and I slide down the door, wrapping my arms around my legs and finally letting the tears fall.
I stay crouched in that position for hours. The tears dried a while ago but the ache in my heart persists. I have no energy to move and the grey and rolling clouds outside perfectly reflect my mood. I was stupid to fall in love with him. I had always promised myself that I would not. That I did not need a man to survive. I went against all my better judgements because Peeta has a kind smile and I liked hearing him talk about paintings. And in return he has hurt me more than any ever could.
Eventually the cramp in my limbs force me to stretch and move. I shake out the tightness in my limbs and slowly my gaze lands on the view out of my window. I know there is only one place that will make me feel better.
I trudge down the stairs and ask for my coat. Aunt Effie spies me through the door of the drawing room and tentatively gets up meet me.
"How are you feeling?" she asks kindly.
But I am in no mood to talk about my feelings.
"I'm going for a walk," I reply.
Aunt Effie glances out the window, spots the dark clouds that seem to grow heavier with rain by the second, and then looks back at me with concern.
"Surely you cannot go outside. It looks like it will start to rain at any second," she says.
"I will be fine, Aunt Effie. Do not worry," I reply as the maid comes back with my coat and helps me put it on. "I will be back in an hour."
I sense that my aunt wants to argue further but also understands I will probably shout at her if she does. Instead she smiles sadly at me.
"Take care," she replies.
I tip my head at her before turning, taking a deep breath and exiting the house.
The first spots of rain start as soon as I step out the house. It looks like the rain could really pour but I have hunted in worse conditions and a little rain will not hurt me. The rain continues to get heavier as I stride towards the woods and it does not take long for mud to rim the bottom of my dress. But it does not bother me as I continue towards my destination.
However I am stopped in my tracks by a carriage trundling along the driveway. My heart stops as I recognise the carriage and my suspicions are confirmed a moment later when the carriage comes to a stop outside the house and the footmen rush outside to greet this unexpected guest. Peeta then emerges from the carriage and I am frozen to the spot as I watch him disembark. He looks up at the tall columns of Trindale and smiles, looking like he is happy to be home and anger flares up in my chest. How dare he come back here when he must know that he has hurt me?
His gaze drops from the columns and his head twists to the side to spot me. My heart hammers loudly at the sight of him and he gives me a smile when he sees me. The same smile he used to give me before he left. The smile filled with so much affection and tenderness that I could not help but smile at the sight of it.
But I do not smile at it now. Instead my heart cracks again and I cannot bear to look at him. I turn on my heel, dashing away from him as the rain begins to soak through to my bones.
A/N: You are going to have to wait another week to find out exactly what is going on! I know a lot of you have theories already!