Big Brother: South Park Edition

Week 5 – "The Week Where Someone Sinks a Ship" (Part 1)

Craig Tucker is standing in the living room early the next morning, his arms extended as he talks to the host, who is speaking to him through the nearest loudspeaker. "Come on, Token, it's his twenty-second birthday this Friday, and I don't have anything I can give him except me. And I already got him that last year!" Craig pleads, doing his best to keep his voice down so the rest of the housemates don't hear him, "Tweek always says he doesn't want anything, but I really want to get him something good this year. We both know he's always been way out of my league. I can't afford to screw this up. This is the only thing I have going for me!"

"True," Token's voice blares through the speaker, "But I can't buy you anything, Craig; it's against the rules. If I buy things for you, then I'm going to have to start buying things for everyone, and I'm not made of money-oh, wait. Yes, I am," Token states smugly, "But I'm still not buying Tweek a birthday present."

Craig huffs as he crosses his forearms, "I can't believe this. Aren't you the one who makes the rules?"

"Yes, which is why it brings me great joy to tell you that you're on your own," he quips.

…

Tweek Tweak
Upcoming Birthday Boy

My birthday is on Friday, and I can't think of a worse present than getting evicted. (pauses slightly) – That's not true, I can think of at least a hundred presents worse than that. Damn my irrational fears! (snaps fingers)

…

Tweek groans, rubbing his aching forehead as he walks into the living room, the mere volume of the conversation waking him up that morning. "Token?" Tweek moans, blinking slowly as he regains consciousness. Tweek steps in the center of the room, Craig's eyes widening at his presence, the noirette nearly jumping out of his skin upon noticing him, "What's going on here? Mmph!" Craig quickly snaps his hand over Tweek's mouth.

"Nothing, babe," Craig sweatdrops, before looking up at the loudspeaker, "See you later, Token!" he shouts, dropping a strong hint for the host to depart. Surprisingly, Token listens and gets off the intercom. The blonde turns and glares at his partner the second Craig pulls his hand down. "You're so cute when you're angry," Craig beams.

Tweek huffs, already getting all flustered from the comment as he stomps his foot on the carpet, "I am not cute!" he squeaks.

…

A few minutes later, Kyle moans as he slowly lifts his head up from his pillow. He turns to the side on his mattress, the redhead's eyes widening as he spies Cartman fast asleep next to him. Kyle nervously looks down, heaving the biggest sigh of relief he has ever released in his life when he sees that the two of them are still fully clothed.

Kyle Broflovski
Indecisive Know-it-all

I don't know why I even have to tell you nothing happened. But absolutely nothing risqué happened between Cartman and I last night. (shivers at the thought) He just fell asleep after he yelled at me for not evicting Bebe.

…

Tweek Tweak
Extreme Coffee Addict

I feel so bad about what happened yesterday. I forced the tie, which ultimately resulted in Clyde getting evicted. It was the hardest move I had to make in the game so far. And if I'm feeling this awful this early on, I can only imagine how much worse it's going to get down the line.

…

Bebe Stevens
Former Most Popular Girl in School

Yesterday, Tweek voted to keep me over Clyde. And, hey, I gotta respect him for it; he's true to his word, even though I don't necessarily think it was in his best interest to do so. I mean, I am pretty tough. It's going to take an army to get me out of here. (smiles)

…

Later that morning, Kyle and Cartman are hanging out in the kitchen, the fatass sitting on one of the barstools at the kitchen island, watching curiously as Kyle fiddles with the Grindmaster 5000, the redhead accidentally stubbing two of his fingers in the process.

Cartman huffs, "What the hell is going on with you, Kahl? You're been acting like an idiot all day, even more than usual," he adds as Kyle rubs his aching limbs.

Kyle sighs, nervously fumbling with his coffee mug, "Nothing!" he chirps, his eyes widening as Wendy walks by, the raven-haired girl awkwardly avoiding eye contact, "I'm just a little anxious about the HOH competition this week," he lies.

Cartman rolls his eyes, "I don't know why," he grunts, leaning back in his seat smugly, "We both know I'm going to ace it."

Kyle nods, anxiously fiddling with the lone necklace around his neck, the HOH key nearly jabbing into his thumb in the process. "Right, of course," he answers, thoughts of last night whirling through his mind at record speeds. Kyle sets his mug down and leans forward on the counter, a dazed look in his eyes. He sighs as his gaze hovers over the HOH room door.

Cartman looks up at the ceiling after shaking his head at his secret-alliance partner, "God, you are such a weirdo," he grumbles.

…

"And then there were six!" Token dramatically announces as all six of the remaining houseguests gather in the backyard and stand in a horizontal line on the mat in front of the loudspeaker, "For your next challenge, we are having an all-day dance competition."

"Oh no," Craig cries, through gritted teeth, stepping forward as he points and glares up at the loudspeaker, "Don't you dare do this to me, Token!"

"I'm just kidding, Craig," Token cuts in with a chuckle, "For this luxury competition, we're going to be doing something a little bit different. You see, as of today, you've all made it to the halfway point of the season. That means, in four weeks, this game will come to a close, and one of you will be crowned the winner of Big Brother."

"*cough* Me *cough* *cough*" Cartman hacks into his knuckle.

"-Uh, sure," Token replies, rolling his eyes off-camera, "Anyway, since all of you have made it this far, it's time to amp up the difficulty of the challenges. And so, let me be the first to present to you, the terror that is The Big Brother Marionette!" Token vivaciously announces as a strange contraption drops behind the housemates. Dozens of ropes hang like spider webs above them as a real-life, gigantic marionette stand hangs over each of the houseguests. "For today's luxury competition, each of you will have your arms and legs strapped like a marionette to this lovely machine. Throughout the competition, the machine will move your arms and legs in random directions. The movements are sporadic, so watch out and hold on tight," he explains, "This competition is ten times easier if you keep your hands and legs in their respective cubbyholes, but you are not officially out until you fall on the mat below. The last person standing wins the biggest prize yet: a day out of the house with the housemate of their choice."

"Oh my God, Token, are you trying to low-key torture us?" Craig comments, narrowing his eyes at the marionette ropes.

"I said these competitions were going to get harder, Craig, and I meant it," Token quips without skipping a beat, "Alright. I'm going to give you guys fives minutes to get in, then we'll get this competition started."

Five minutes later, all six of the houseguests are hovering above the dark blue mat, hanging onto their respective ropes as they do their best to get their arms and legs comfortable in their cubbyholes. Tweek already looks positively terrified as he stares down at the ground, which is about three feet below him. "Oh God! Everything looks so small! I can barely see that ant!" Tweek shrieks, clinging onto his arm cubbies for dear life, his marionette situated next to Cartman's.

The fatass rolls his eyes, "Jesus Christ, Tweek. We haven't even started yet!"

"Okay, I'm going to count you down and then we'll get started," Token announces, gazing down at the housemates. He takes a deep breath, "Three…two…one…this competition is on," he calmly declares.

Wendy yelps as her right arm slides to the side, "Geez, even standing still is tough."

Token gives a nose laugh, "I told you guys this would be a challenge."

Cartman snorts, "All I'm saying, Token, is that this reward better be worth it," he huffs, "I better not win this and discover that the prize is something lame, like a day out of the house with Kenny."

"Man, what do you have against our friend?" Kyle wonders from his spot to the right of the fatass.

"Alright, everyone," Token speaks after a moment of silent concentration from the contestants, "It's been five minutes, so we're finally going to turn the machine on. Hold on tight, cause all of you are about to be jerked around like-"

"-like marionettes, we get it!" Cartman snaps.

Token nods, blinking lightly in shock, "Yeah, like marionettes," he concludes, coughing once into his palm before turning the machine on above the houseguests. It makes a horrifying, gear-jolting sound as it starts shifting the contestants in random directions. It moves the left and right straps apart, forcing them into a semi-splits stance.

Cartman grunts as he shoots a death glare at the loudspeaker, "Come on, Token, no one's this flexible!"

"Eek!" Tweek loses balance, slips off, and falls back-first onto the mat. An evil, maniacal laugh chimes out above him.

"Sorry, Tweek," a ghoulish voice mocks, "But you're out. Bwahaha!" Token takes his hand off the distorter button and smiles.

"You know, I'm not even going to comment," Cartman grumbles.

Two minutes later, the five remaining houseguests are still holding onto their cubbyholes for dear life, doing their best brace themselves for whatever's coming next. Cartman groans in distress as he loses grip of his left arm hold, the fatass tumbling to the mat shortly afterwards. "Goddammit!" he cries, after landing flat on his ass.

"Only 7 minutes? Someone must be a disappointment in bed," Token's distorted monster voice rings out above them, a few of the remaining contestants cracking a smile at this playful jab.

"AYE! You shut your mouth, or I'll come up there and kick your ass!" Cartman threatens, shoving his finger in the camera's lens.

"Wah-wuh!" a foghorn blares out above him.

Token sighs, biting back a laugh, "Cartman, just take a seat on the sidelines. You're officially out of the running for the day out of the house, cause you just fell and no one likes you enough to take you," he announces to Cartman before turning the crowd.

Cartman exhales and pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration, "Token, I swear to God-"

Five minutes later, Token smiles as he turns to the four remaining houseguests. "Well, congratulations, you guys, you have made it twelve whole minutes into this competition," Token states smugly, pretending to sound impressed. Cartman rolls his eyes from the sidelines, his arms crossed as he sits in the lounge chair three seats down from Tweek, "Since we're planning on re-airing this as a Halloween episode, here comes the fog!"

Token snaps his fingers as a crackle of thunder rings above the gigantic marionettes. The contestants watch as a huge stream of fog rains down on them. The fog is so thick that it's nearly impossible to see even three feet in front of their bodies.

Wendy coughs twice as the scenery blurs around her. Unbeknownst to her, Kyle is straining to get a glimpse of her through the fog, "Oh God, why does it feel like we're all going to die?"

"Well, that's definitely the vibe this season is giving off," Bebe mutters under her breath, looking like she is done with all this nonsense.

"Oh no. Oh no!" Kyle cries, struggling to pull himself center, but his arms and legs feel like jello. "Oomph!" Kyle sighs as he lands onto the mat with a final time of just fourteen minutes. As expected, the monstrous laugh chimes out above him.

"Sorry, Kyle. Looks like your brain was too heavy for this challenge. Take a seat on the sidelines," Token devilishly voices.

Kyle sighs as he slowly stands up in place, rubbing his aching lower back as he carefully makes his way to the sidelines, his arms and legs stiff from the contraption. "Well, at least my comment was more flattering than Cartman's," he mumbles.

"We are approaching the half-hour mark," Token announces, about fifteen minutes after the resident's redhead fell, "and there are only three of you still in the running for the prize: Wendy, Bebe, and…Craig…somehow," Token mutters in disbelief as he stares down at the three remaining houseguests, "This competition is physically draining. The longer you're up there, the more it hurts."

"-And I just realized that Craig is doing this whole challenge on an injured leg," Kyle speaks up from the sidelines.

Craig grunts, straining in pain as he struggles to remain in the cubbyholes, "No shit, Sherlock."

"Man, Craig, that's the first sarcastic comment you've made this entire competition," Token states through the loudspeaker, a hint of surprise in his tone, "Usually you're the sass master."

"Shut up, Token, I'm actually trying to win this thing," Craig retorts, holding his arms and legs steady, "There's nothing I want more than to escape from the terror that is this house."

From the sidelines, Cartman and Kyle exchange shocked glances, unable to believe what they are hearing. "Oh shit," Cartman whispers as he fiddles with his ear, "Craig actually gives a damn…"

"Mwahaha!" the monster's voice chimes as Wendy ricochets back onto the mat. "Four down…one to go…"

"Good job, Wendy!" Tweek praises from the sidelines.

Wendy sniffs as she stands up, rubbing her aching forearm. She sighs as she wobbles over to the lounge chairs and takes a seat next to Tweek.

Ten minutes later, Bebe and Craig are still balancing on their cubbyholes, both appearing equally uncomfortable.

"I must say, I'm impressed," Token coos above them, "I didn't think anyone would make it past the forty-minute mark, but you two have proved me wrong."

"Hurrah," Craig hisses sarcastically.

"Craig! Craig, come on," Bebe pleads next to the noirette, looking like she is about to fall at any moment, "I really want this. We can make a deal – if you drop now, I'll take you."

"No chance, Stevens," Craig grunts as the machine moves them into the warrior position, sweat dripping from his forehead. Tweek watches worriedly from the sidelines, "That wouldn't be fun for anyone. If you want to win, you have to beat me."

"Ah!" Bebe groans, shifting her weight back onto her legs, "Why do you want to win this so badly anyway? You barely spend any time with us as it is!" she shouts defensively.

"Cause it's not for me, dipshit!" Craig grits through his teeth, the rage bubbling over inside him.

Bebe leans back slightly, her face softening at the sudden outburst as the situation becomes crystal clear, "Oh."

The machine lurches forward, thrusting the two remaining housemates into a forward splits. "Okay, no, this isn't worth it. I'd like to keep my legs," Bebe mutters, popping her legs out of the cubbyholes and flopping backwards onto the floor.

"Wow. Congratulations, Craig, you have won The Big Brother Marionette luxury competition!" Token announces, the noirette dropping backwards onto the mat a mere three seconds after Bebe was eliminated.

"I'm going to fuckin' kill you, Token," Craig moans, hand perched weakly against his stomach as he struggles to collect his breath.

"Man, I'm surprised it took you a month into the season to say that," Token jokes as the other houseguests get up from their sideline seats and gather around him.

"Geez Craig, you sure are flexible," Cartman states, flashing a shit-eating grin as Craig sits up from the mat.

Craig exhales, narrowing his eyes at him while he slowly stands up, "Shut the fuck up, Cartman," he snaps before gliding over to hug his boyfriend. Craig sighs, feeling his anger melt away the second he wraps Tweek in a warm embrace, "Happy birthday, babe."

Tweek sighs sweetly as he snuggles his head into his boyfriend's chest. "Thank you, Craig," he blushes.

"So, Craig," Token speaks out above the couple, "Who are you going to be taking with you on your reward?"

Craig glares up at the loudspeaker, his arm still wrapped around his partner, who is resting a palm gently on the noirette's chest. Tweek stares up as well, flashing a clueless look on his face.

Craig facepalms and sighs as he mutters under his breath, "Are you fuckin' serious, Token?"

…

Tweek Tweak
Coffee Addict/Cute Blonde (Please don't kill me, Craig!)

I don't usually win things here – I can literally count the number of times I've won something on one finger – but Craig won the competition today, so I get to go on the reward with him. He actually won it for me, and watching him do that was pretty damn hot.

…

Later that morning, Tweek and Craig walk curiously into the backyard holding hands, the latter letting out a rather heavy sigh as Token directs them to a small table set up in the center of the lawn. "Alright, guys, since this is the first season of the show and the first outside reward, we gotta make sure that we do this legitimately," Token explains as the couple stops in front of the center, circular table. Craig cocks an eyebrow and glances down at the blindfolds spread across the table's surface, "So, you two are going to put these blindfolds on, then exit through the shed door, which will lead you out of the house and into a limo. Once you're inside, you're allowed to take your blindfolds off, but not a moment before," Token explains, Tweek giving a curt nod at the instructions, "Got it?"

"Yep," Tweek answers while Craig flips the camera off.

Token sighs, "I guess someone's still sore from the competition. Maybe by the end of tonight, you'll be sore from something else."

"Here's hoping," Craig mutters as he stares down at the patio, arms crossed.

"Whenever you're ready, the exit's over there, you two," Token reminds his friends while Tweek slips his blindfold on, Craig shrugging and following suit shortly afterwards.

Craig glares up at the camera – or, rather, in the direction of the camera, "You know, this would be ten times easier if you just let us put these on in the shed right before we step off the property."

"Craig? Craig, where are you?!" Tweek shrieks, already freaking out next to him. Token laughs as Tweek fumbles forward, feels up the ground, and hugs a tree, "Is this you? Man, you got skinny."

"Tweek, babe, I'm right behind you," Craig assures him, reaching out and grabbing his shoulder.

"Eek! Something's touching me!"

Craig sighs, "That's me."

Tweek's face pinkens, "Oh." Tweek feels around and slides his hand down Craig's arm, interlocking their fingers.

"Okay, I think we're near the shed. I can feel a door," Craig states, holding his free hand out and blindly pushing forward. The couple enter into the darkened shed, Craig pulling his boyfriend forward by the hand as they attempt to maneuver their way through it to get to the car.

A loud crash sounds as Craig accidentally knocks into a jagged corner. "-Fuck," he hisses through his teeth, clenching his side in pain. "Leave it to Token to find a way to make the reward a punishment," he states, fumbling forward in the hopes of locating the exit.

"Ack! Craig! Why are you grabbing onto my ass?" Tweek squeaks.

Craig smirks, blinking twice under his blindfold, "Oh, is that what that is?" he asks, playing dumb.

Tweek blushes, rolling his eyes at his boyfriend's antics, "Just come on, I think I found it."

The pair stumble outside, Tweek accidentally knocking into the limo driver in the process, who is holding open the backdoor for them. "Oop. Sorry," Tweek states, before quickly slipping into the backseat with Craig's help, Craig following right behind him. The car door slams shut.

The noirette sighs as he pulls off his blindfold. "Well, we made it. And all it cost was my patience."

"You can't lose what you never had, Craig," Tweek smirks, reaching for his seat belt.

Tweek squeaks as Craig reaches across the seat and pulls him into a hug. Craig smiles, his eyes shining as he gazes down at his love, "God, I love you so much."

…

Wendy Testaburger
Green-hat-loving Rights Activist

Last night I made a move on the current HOH, Kyle. It wasn't strategy; it just felt right. And now, unsurprisingly, Kyle has been avoiding me like the plague, but I'm not one to shy away from awkward situations. I always tackle things head-on.

…

"So, you really kissed him, huh? Man, Wendy, you got guts," Bebe states, sorting through the magazines on her bed.

Wendy sits up on the mattress across from her and sighs, hugging a pillow to her chest. "Honestly, Bebe, I don't know what came over me. I mean, I'm still not convinced that I'm completely over Stan," she confesses.

"Wendy, you just kissed the guy, it doesn't have to be anything serious," Bebe says, flipping through the latest issue of Seventeen magazine. "As long as he doesn't think it is, it's totally fine. You guys just need to make sure that you're on the same page with this thing, so this doesn't come back to bite you later."

Wendy nods, staring up at the scenic landscape of Colorado hanging above her best friend's bed. "You're right," she sighs, "Wow, Bebe. When did you become so wise?"

…

Eric Cartman
Psychopath

Craig's performance during the competition today was impressive, which only made the strategic gears in my brain start turning. Cause no one – and I mean no one – in this house can be better at the competitions than me!

…

Cartman and Kyle are sitting in the HOH room on Kyle's double bed, Cartman's voice low and somewhat terrifying, "You know we can't keep him, right?" he speaks suddenly, fiddling with a hangnail.

Kyle looks up and tilts his head, "Keep who?" he wonders.

"Craig," Cartman courtly answers, not bothering to look up from his fingers, "It's too risky, especially with Tweek chirping in his ear," he elaborates, narrowing his eyes at the Jew, "We either need to get rid of Craig or his motivation."

Kyle widens his eyes at the fatass, his mouth gaping slightly, "You don't mean…?"

"Yes," Cartman states definitively, the corner of his lip twitching up into a smirk as he delivers the bone-chilling news, "It's time to split up the couple."

…

Craig Tucker
Aggressive Tweeksexual

These past few days have been kinda tough for me emotionally, which is shocking for anyone who's known me for longer than five seconds. The house has been super tense ever since Clyde left yesterday. He really brought a sense of fun here and, honestly, I haven't really been the same since. But, I swear to God, if you tell him that, I will send you straight to Peru. But at least I have Tweek here to make me feel better.

…

"I'm sooo happy," Craig coos as he holds his boyfriend in a tight, warm embrace in the backseat of the limo. Tweek squirms slightly while he continues gazing out the window, dozens of beautiful trees and buildings passing them by.

"Tweek," Craig sternly speaks, after a few moments of comforting silence. Tweek tenses a bit at the seriousness of his tone before looking up wondrously at his boyfriend. The blonde cocks an eyebrow. "I have to tell you something," Craig gulps, "…I'm gay."

Tweek laughs, the worry flushing from his face, "No shit, dude. I've seen your boyfriend," he giggles into his palm.

"I'm just happy to get out of that house. It's nice to get away from the people I hate," Craig comments with a relieving sigh, his eyes hovering over the selection of liquor on the side of the door. He grabs a bottle and turns to his love, "Hey, babe. Wanna be a little reckless and dumb? I mean, this is a birthday celebration, after all. You only turn twenty-two once," he coos, his face hardening when he locks eyes on a nearby camera while popping open the top, "Don't do drugs, kids," he states firmly, before throwing his head back and taking a swig of beer.

Tweek cocks his forehead, "You know, your message would've been way more effective if you didn't take a swig of beer immediately after," he quips, "Also, did you just YOTTO me?"

"What the hell is a YOTTO?" Craig repeats, trying not to crack a smile at his boyfriend's cuteness.

Tweek rolls his eyes as he leans forward in his seat, holding his arm out in the classic grabby position, "Just give me the liquor," he smirks.

…

Eric Cartman
Psychopath

A lot of people in the house have been struggling to figure out what my strategy is in this game, but I know better than to lay my cards out on the table. No one, not even Kahl, knows what I'm up to. Kiel thinks I'm purposely eliminating all of the bigger targets and keeping the goats…which is true, to some extent, but he fails to see the cold, hard truth behind my plan. The truth is, I'm cutting all the most skilled competitors and dragging the ultimate goat – Kiel himself – with me to the finals, making him do all my dirty work along the way. Then, when it's down to just the two of us, he'll take the fall for being my little henchman, and I'll get all the credit for my genius strategic gameplay. (leans forward and smirks into the camera) – Tsk-tsk, Kahl. You should've known better than to trust me.

…

Later that afternoon, Kyle is sitting alone in his grand HOH room, scrounging through the various items in his goody basket. All of a sudden, Kyle stops, a manilla envelope catching his eye, tucked underneath a box of Sweetarts. Kyle steps back and quickly scans the room, before reaching forward and grabbing the corner, pulling the envelope out from the basket. He walks a few steps back and locks the door. Kyle frantically checks the area once more before tearing into the mystery envelope. Kyle pulls out a sheet of bright white paper and unfolds it, his heart sinking in his chest as he instantly recognizes the handwriting. He gulps, his throat drying up as he stares blankly at the wall in shock.

"Stan?"

…

A few hours later, Tweek laughs while he helps Craig walk back into the house, his arm wrapped tightly around his waist as he supports his boyfriend's body weight. The pair stumbles towards the kitchen, the night sky draped above them. Craig hiccups and tries to turn his head to look at his lover, but ends up overdoing it and gazing at a tree instead, "Honeycakes, I can't feel my legs!" Craig cries, unable to control his volume, "I think I left them in Vegas, pumpkin!"

Tweek giggles as he leads them forward in what he thinks is a straight line but is actually more of a parabolic curve, "You are so drunk."

"And you are sooo hot, baby," Craig coos, practically licking his partner's ear, the amount of pet names only escalating as they mosey into the house, "We should date. But I gotta ask my boyfriend first," Tweek laughs, "He's got a nice ass. – Don't touch it!" Craig growls, his eyes widening overdramatically as Tweek plops them both down on the sofa.

Craig cocks his forehead and leans towards the coffee table, grabbing an empty cup and holding it sloppily up in a toast, "Bottoms up!"

Tweek immediately stands tipsily up from the sofa. "Oop, sorry," he states innocently, only now just registering what Craig meant. Tweek leans down and latches onto his boyfriend, pushing him onto his back. The pair burst into a fit of hysterics as they hold onto each other.

After a moment, the laughter dissipates, a comforting silence wrapping around them like a warm blanket. Tweek smiles as he gazes down at his love, a small, genuine tear forming in the corner of his eye. "I love you, Craig," he whispers, tenderly stroking the side of the raven's face as he slowly lulls to sleep.

Craig hums, basking in the feeling before the slumber drifts him away, "I love you too, Tweek."

Tweek sighs gently as he leans forward, laying his head down on his boyfriend's chest and wrapping him in his arms, "Please…don't leave me," he whispers.

…

Tweek groans as the sun shines onto his face through the window early the next morning. The blonde sighs as he rubs his aching forehead, freezing his hand when he feels thick fabric covering the top of his head. Tweek blinks twice as he sits up on the sofa, holding the strings of Craig's chullo in his palms. "Craig?" Tweek speaks suddenly, his stomach dropping as he scans the area for his love, only to be greeted by emptiness, "Craig, where are you?!"

"Tweek, you're sitting on me," a muffled, nasally voice moans underneath him.

"Oh! Sorry!" Tweek jumps up and scurries to the side, off his boyfriend. Tweek widens his eyes as his hands gloss over his bare knees. "Um, where are my pants?" he wonders, staring down at his boxers.

Craig yawns, shifting uncomfortably on the cushion next to him, "I think I'm wearing them," he states, peering down at the skintight dark-wash jeans he is sporting after he sits upright.

"Hey, those look good on you," Tweek awes, checking out the cut of his jeans on his boyfriend.

"Thanks, babe," Craig replies, giving a small smile, "But what the hell happened to mine?"

"You threw them on the roof last night. You said you were trying to impress me."

Craig tilts his forehead, a smug look spread across his face, "Well, did I?"

"Oh yeah," Tweek nods, a playful glint in his eyes.

…

Tweek Tweak
Coffee Addict/Cute Blonde

I have a confession to make: I remember exactly what happened last night. Well, everything before I lost my pants and passed out with Craig in exhaustion. I take anxiety meds, so alcohol intake is basically a deathtrap. I haven't taken them too much since I got here, but I didn't want to take any chances yesterday and Craig agreed, so I just chucked most of my drinks out the window while he watched and cheered me on, but I still got kinda tipsy from all the secondhand alcohol I got from kissing him. Honestly, most of the evening was me trying to keep Craig from making a fool of himself on national television. The whole pants on the roof thing happened the one time I was in the bathroom. (shrugs)

…

Five minutes later, Wendy is sitting on her bed reading the latest issue of Seventeen magazine when Tweek drowsily walks into the girls room. Wendy perks up slightly, setting her reading down as she scans her friend over. Tweek's clothes and hair are askew, and his neck is covered in hickeys. "Well, someone had fun yesterday," Wendy quips.

"Huh?" Tweek squeaks, barely registering her comment as he turns and locks gazes with her, "Oh, yeah. It was the best birthday celebration ever, even if my mouth still tastes like Craig's vomit," he concludes.

"Ookay," Wendy coos, a weird-out look spread across her face, "And as your friend, I'm going to have to ask you to please never share that information with me again."

Tweek nods, smacking his lips together as he searches the room for a change of clothes. "Fair enough," he states, narrowing in on some of his clean clothes and picking them up off his dresser, "I'm going to take a shower now."

Wendy smiles, "Good plan."

Tweek exits the room, nearly knocking into Kyle in the process. He enters the area, looking frantic. Wendy pulls back slightly, leaning up against the back wall as Kyle approaches her – the redhead surprisingly fearless and determined.

"Wendy," he states, stopping in front of her as he dives right into the problem, "I got a letter this morning."

"Really?" Wendy squeaks, cocking her forehead, "From who?"

"Stan," Kyle answers, a mix of seriousness and worry lacing his tone, "I'm too afraid to read it," he admits somberly, taking a seat down next to her on the mattress, "What if it's full of swears?"

Wendy rolls her eyes, giving a small chuckle, "I seriously doubt he would do that," she states. An awkward pause washes over the pair as they stare down at their swinging feet, "Do you want me to read it?" Wendy asks suddenly.

"Sure, um, if you want," Kyle speaks into the silence, a tiny smile appearing on his face, "Just read the opening line and tell me if it's bad."

"Alright," Wendy states, holding her hand out and taking the letter from him. Wendy carefully opens the paper up and silently reads the first sentence. She abruptly pulls the letter down from her face and hands it back to him, "-I can't read this."

"Why not?" Kyle squeaks, his forehead scrunched, "Is it that bad?"

"No. He says it's only for you," Wendy says, her tone soft and comforting, "He doesn't want you to share it."

"Oh," Kyle gulps, gently grasping the letter in his palm, staring down fondly at the white piece of paper, "I guess I'll just read this later then." Kyle wordlessly folds up the letter and places it back into the envelope, before standing up from his seat on Wendy's bed, Wendy flinching slightly when he does so.

"Kyle?" Wendy squeaks, getting up from the bed and standing right in front of him.

Kyle blinks twice, blushing lightly as he turns to face her, "Yes?"

"Um…" Wendy begins, nervously rubbing her arm before breathlessly moving forward, softly pressing her lips against his. Kyle freezes in place for a moment, his brain short-circuiting for a few seconds before he pulls his arms up, delicately wrapping them around her waist as he kisses her back.

The fatass clenches his fist as he stands in the open doorway, feeling steam shooting out of his ears as he watches this infuriatingly scandalous display unfold in front of him and the remnants of Clyde frog Cartman is holding in his other palm. He stomps back into the boys room, grumbling under his breath the whole way.

…

Eric Cartman
Psychopath

So, Kahl has a new little love. This could be detrimental to my game plan, cause if Kiel's lusting after Miss Wendy Testaburger, then I'm no longer his number one. It looks to me like these two are getting too close, so perhaps it's time for me to chop off this third wheel and send her to the jury house so fast Kahl's head spins. And all I need to do to make this plan happen is win the next HOH competition. Then all the power will be in my hands, and I'll become the true puppet master of the season. (smiles devilishly into the camera) – What do you think of that, Token?

The host audibly yawns into the loudspeaker, the volume of the yawn causing the hairs on the back of Cartman's neck to stand.

Cartman rolls his eyes with a huff, sassily crossing his arms over his chubby torso as he glares up at the speaker, "Oh, fuck you, Token! My mom says I'm a freakin' genius!"