A/N: Apologies for the delay. Real life has been crazy busy.

"The babies are looking around for you," a voice said, and Sean jumped.

"Dad, what are you doing here?"

"Jack is at Grandpa's, and I wanted to check up on you. Mom and I would like you to come home."

He shook his head.

"The babies are looking for you."

Sean nodded and followed his dad to the car.

Black spots were dancing in front of his eyes and he couldn't breathe…

He was sitting on the couch at home. Mattie was lying next to him, babbling. He picked her up. "What happened? How'd I get home?"

"You had a panic attack," Dad said.

He shook his head. "No, no, that's not…I don't remember coming home. I was at Sarah's and you were talking to me, and you said the babies were looking for me, and…"

Dad looked at him. "You started having a panic attack. I helped you into the car, and we came home."

"No, why don't I remember? What if…?"

Dad backed away from him, holding his hands up. "You're safe. Nothing happened. I was with you the whole time."

Sean cursed in his head. "Jack wishes I was dead."

"I know, and he's in big trouble for telling you that you should have jumped. That's why he's at Grandpa's; it's not safe for him to be around you right now."

He nodded, and picked up Mattie.

"Sean?"

"What?"

Dad was looking at him like he could see right through him, and Sean shivered. "You're freaking me out, Dad. What?"

"Will you look at me, please?"

Sean shrugged.

"Please, Sean, you're not in trouble."

Sean glanced at his dad, who made eye contact and wouldn't look away. "I'm so sorry that Jack told you he should have jumped. I know how upset you were, and I am so glad you're still alive and still here. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Sean shrugged, and put Mattie down, and went to bed even though it was only 11 a.m.

He stayed in his room the rest of the day.

Frank sat Jack down. "What's going on, Jack?"

He shrugged. "Dad and Mom already told you, so why do you care?"

"I want to hear your side of things."

"Why? You already know I'm f*** up!"

"Watch your mouth, Jack Henry. Why did you tell Sean he should have jumped?"

"So Mom and Dad would pay attention to me and Nonie. They act like we don't exist; hell, Noah and Ollie don't exist. It's just Sean and the babies, Sean and the babies. I'm done with all this b.s.!"

"Jack Henry Reagan…do you realize how damnably SELFISH that sounds? I'm sorry if you feel that your parents are ignoring you and Nora—but your brother is suicidal! Your parents have two newborns, and they've been trying to keep Sean alive! What the hell is the matter with you?"

Jack stormed off.

Friday night Danny and Linda showed up at Jack's soccer game. "What are you doing here?" he snapped.

"We're going to watch your game, then we're going to have a serious talk with you. You're 17, and this needs to stop."

Jack shrugged and went to his game.

He couldn't stop thinking about what they were going to say to him, and he lost the game.

He looked at his parents when Dad said, "Hop in the car, we're going to grab pizza, and then we're taking you home."

"So what, first you kick me out of the house, then you bring me home a week later? You're screwing with my head."

"Language, Jack. You played a good game. We've all had time to cool down, let's grab pizza, and talk."

"I gotta watch Nonie's game, it's next."

After Nora's game—which she won for her team—they went out for pizza.

When they got home, Linda went inside to nurse the girls. Frank and Erin had babysat.

Danny grabbed Jack before he could go inside.

"You've had a few days to think about what you said. Do you realize why I made you stay at Grandpa's?

"Yeah, sure."

Sean and Linda were standing in the living room. Sean was behind his mom, shaking just a little.

"Why did you tell Sean he should have jumped?" Linda asked.

Jack shrugged. "I already told you, so you and Mom would pay attention to me and Nonie!"

"You need to apologize to your brother."

Jack glared at him. "Sorry," he muttered.

Sean looked up, his eyes red. "That sounded like you really meant it. You wish Walker had killed me? Maybe that I'd let him rape your twin sister instead? 'Cause then I'd be all normal—if I'd let him rape her instead of me! Then she'd be the one you wish had jumped! How do you like that?"

Jack shoved him into the wall and started hitting him.

Sean didn't fight back.

Danny pulled them apart.

"I didn't mean it about Nora!" Sean cried. "But you don't get it! You just think what happened to me was nothing! If you'd tried to listen once—I let him do it so he wouldn't hurt Nora!"

Jack shoved his dad away and pushed Sean to the ground, then stormed out of the house. Jamie, who'd been sitting in his car at the end of the street, followed him and finally got him to agree to stay at his place for the night.

Sean was shaking and gasping in pain. He flinched away from Mom. "Shhh, it's just me. I need to look at your head and your ribs."

He nodded, flinching every time she barely touched him. "I'm going to get you some ice for your ribs. Dad's gonna sit up with you, wake you up every 2 hours for concussion check. Okay?"

He nodded, and let her help him up.

He lay down without bothering to take off his shoes. "Do you have to sit and watch me sleep? It's creepy and I'm not tired anyway."

"I'll be out in the hallway," Dad said, and grabbed a chair and a book.

He took a breath, and gasped in pain.

Sean looked up at Mom when she came in with the icepacks. "Jack wanted to kill me. He wants me dead. If I'd just fought Walker off…" He shook his head, and winced. "I can't live like this, Mom. Jack freaking acts like I want this, like I'm enjoying this….I can't, Mom."

After family dinner they were watching the game when Jack came downstairs. Sean tensed up. "What do you want?"

"I just came to check the score."

Sean nodded, and picked Thea up. It had been exactly one year since he tried to kill himself, and he walked onto the porch holding her close. "I'm sorry, baby girl."

She snuggled into his chest, and the knot inside him untied just a little.

"I'm enlisting in the Marines, so I'll be out of your hair soon," a voice said, and he jumped and backed away from Jack.

"Don't f-g scare me like that!" he snapped.

Thea started crying, and Sean jiggled her. "Shhhh, you're okay, tiny."

He glared at Jack. "Stop joking around. What did you say?"

"I'm enlisting in the Marines."

Sean scoffed, and held a hand to his ribs. "You haven't even graduated high school yet. You're not 18."

"I got into a military academy in New Jersey for my last semester of high school, I leave tomorrow. After graduation, it's straight into basic training."

"What are you doing that for?"

"They need my help, and they'll pay for my college."

Sean nodded, and went inside.

A few hours later, he was leaving the bathroom after throwing up after a bad flashback.

Jack was sitting on his bed, and Sean froze. "What are you doing in here?" he asked, backing into the doorway.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything, I guess."

Sean grabbed the door handle. "Why now? The past year has been hell, and instead of being my big brother and trying to keep me safe from myself…you told me I should have killed myself. Do you understand how much that f-g hurt, Jack?"

"I'm sorry, Sean."

Sean took a shaky breath. "Stop saying that. It's not gonna make everything better. I don't trust you, Jack."

Jack held out his pocket knife. "I want you to keep this for me until I get back from basic."

"You're giving your suicidal brother a knife? That's a dumb-ass move, dumb-ass."

Jack cracked a smile, and put the knife back in his pocket. "Yeah. I guess it is. Sorry. How…how can I make up for being a first-class jerk?"

"I…I don't know."

"Can…will you forgive me?"

"I don't know, Jack. I…we'll talk when you get back from basic," he whispered, and bolted out the door.