April 19th was a terrible day. One that Killian desperately wished he could skip, but every single year it came and every single year it broke his heart. He always called in sick to work this day. He couldn't handle being around other people. His job was to save people, and he couldn't even save the woman he loved.

Today was officially six years since he lost Milah. Six years since he last held her in his arms. Six years since he last heard her voice. Six years since she slipped from his life. He missed her more than he could even put into words. He tried to be strong. Whenever he thought he had moved on, this day came back to haunt him, hitting him like a ton of bricks right in the chest. The pain made it hard to breathe.

He could still picture her last day with him. Looking so frail in that hospital bed. Small and fragile, her head wrapped in a powder blue scarf. Yet, still the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. "Killian," Milah whispered to him.

"Yes, my love," he replied getting closer and taking her hands in his.

"I don't want to leave you," she told him as tears rolled down her cheeks. Killian quickly wiped them away with his thumb.

"Shh, it's okay," he told her, resting his forehead against hers. He could feel her struggling to catch her breath.

"I'll always be with you," she whispered.

Killian gave her a weak smile, "I love you."

She smiled back, her eyes still glistening with tears. She reached for his hand," Lay with me."

Killian slid beside her in the bed and pulled her into his arms. He sang her favorite song to her as he rubbed comforting circles on her palm.

Yesterday

All my troubles seemed so far away

Now it looks as though they're here to stay

Oh, I believe in yesterday

He felt her take a few rasping breaths as she cuddled closer into his side. Tears were now falling rapidly down his face.

Suddenly

I'm not half the man I used to be

There's a shadow hanging over me

Oh, yesterday came suddenly

Killian continued singing to her as he felt her slip away from this world and continue on into the next. He laid there holding her as long as they would let him. Needling to physically pull him away from her body. He remembered the racking sobs that hit his body. In that moment, he had wanted to die too.

He shook those memories from his head as he walked up the well worn path, one that he had walked many times before with a bouquet of violets, Milah's favorite flowers in his hands. Her grave was at the top of a hill, next to a tree. Killian wanted her final resting place to be as beautiful as she was in life.

As he approached her grave, the same hurt he had felt everyday since she left magnified. He put the violets down in front of her tombstone and brushed some dirt off the top.

"Hi Milah," he said, directing his words to no one in particular. The wind started to pick up and he pulled his jacket closer to his body.

"I miss you. You were supposed to be here. We would have been married. A few kids. And just happy." He wiped at the tears that gathered in his eyes. He was sad, yes, but most of all he was angry. Why should everyone else have the life he craved so desperately. That would never happen. Not with Milah.

Thought's of Emma entered his mind. She brought happiness to his life. With Emma he saw a chance of true love. Yet, standing here at Milah's grave he didn't feel any of that. He felt like he was betraying Milah.

"I just miss you," he said simply. He stayed there for another twenty minutes just looking at her grave and wiping away tears as they fell.

He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He looked down and saw that it was Emma. He sent her to voicemail as he slowly made his way back down the hill. The only thing that helped on April 19th was large quantities of whiskey. He just wanted to forget.

Emma checked her phone for what felt like the 500th time that afternoon. She was out getting lunch with Ruby and Robin, Killian said he would be there late but never showed up. So far two text messages and one phone call had gone unanswered.

Emma could feel Robin's eyes on her as she looked at the blank screen. Still nothing from Killian.

"He'll come around, don't you worry," Robin told her with a smile.

"I just wish he would answer, so I know he's okay," Emma responded taking another sip of her water.

"Today is a hard day for him," Robin said. The feeling of puzzlement Emma felt must have shown on her face because he continued saying, "April 19th." This short explanation just made Emma even more confused.

"What's April 19th?"

"The anniversary of Milah's death," Robin told her.

"Oh, I didn't know the day," Emma said, immediately feeling like a terrible person. She should have known this, she should have been there for him.

"He didn't tell you?" Ruby questions, to which Emma responded by shaking her head no.

"Well, it's a hard day for him." Robin said simply, returning his attention back to his sandwich.

"I just wish I knew where he was," Emma said to Ruby and Robin.

"The same place he is every April 19th, drinking whiskey at O'Sullivan's Pub by his house," Robin said. "He likes to be alone today," he added after witnessing a look shared between Ruby and Emma. One that clearly said they should go there to support him.

Emma felt conflicted. On one hand she was devastated for Killian, the thought of him drinking his sorrows away alone killed her. And on the other hand, even though she hated admitting it to herself, she felt sad. Sad that he didn't share this with her. Sad that Killian had gone through such grief and heartbreak in his life. Sometimes the world just wasn't fair to the good ones. And Killian was a good one. Maybe the best man she had ever met. Sweet, kind, caring. He made her laugh and roll her eyes. Time spent with him was truly special. She just wanted to make all the pain go away for him.

She reached for her phone again. She typed out a short message and put it back into her bag. Take all the time you need. I am here for you.