Chapter 12 - I wanna know what love is.

It's been a week. A whole week since Abe and her had... damn! She couldn't even think about it without blushing. Obviously, she didn't have the courage to bring that up, neither did he. And it was killing her. The few times they have met, he acted like nothing had happened. And it certainly bothered her. Cause she just couldn't pretend nothing had happened. So much that she had managed to make a fool of herself every single time they passed each other. Thank god, she was drowning in work last week or those times could have been more frequent.

There was that time when Red asked her very loud with his mouth full of pancakes, during breakfast:

- What is this mark on your neck?

She blushed and hid it with her hand.

- It's nothing. Just a bruise.

Abe didn't look up from his plate of rotten eggs.

Or that time when she saw him on the corridor and he greeted her. She walked right through a pillar. Ouch.

Or that time, when she stood in front of closed library doors, gathering the courage to knock and rehearsing what to say. She was so distracted that she didn't notice when he opened the door to her face and raised hand. She just walked away.

She even asked Melanie for advice. But damn, she just couldn't use that type of advice.

It was Saturday night, Sam was trying to keep busy so her legs didn't carry her to the library when the red alarm went off. She changed into her uniform. In her way to the hangar, an agent told her Manning wanted to talk to them in the meeting room before leaving for the mission.

When she arrived HB, Liz, Krauss and Abe were already there, so was John and a couple of agents selected for the mission. Samantha greeted all of them and sat down.

- So, where are we going this time, boss? - she asked.

- Just central New York. Not big deal - he said lighting a cigar - A couple of wood trolls attacking people on Central Park.

- No big deal?

He continued ignoring her.

- But there is a more important subject I would like to bring it up to everybody.

- More important than trolls attacking civilians on Central Park? - Liz asked surprised.

- Yes! - he paused dragging on his cigar. - as you should know, one week from now we have our annual winter ball happening...

- Oh, Jesus. - Sam put her hand to her forehead.

- It is funny how these balls only started happening after we left, hum baby? - Red said elbowing Liz.

Manning kept talking and ignoring them all.

- ... and the President is coming. He wants to meet me. You. Us!

- Oh, Jesus.

- What?

- And how exactly this is more important than people being attacked on the Central Park!?

Liz was getting hot.

- It is extremely important that we succeed in tonight's mission. Zero casualties, Miss Taylor. And that all my top agents look incredibly presentable at the ball. And make a good impression.

- We are not your agents anymore. - Hellboy pointed out.

- I'm not talking to you. But if you attend the ball you better be on top behavior, Hellboy! I will not be embarrassed in front of the President!

They were all surprised, Manning never had the guts to talk that harsh to Hellboy before. Not even when he blew himself off a building in front of lots of reporters.

- We have no time for this shit. - Sam got up and left the room. - Let's go.

- Extremely presentable, agent. And I mean it. - Manning said running after her.

Samantha stopped. All the others kept walking on.

- Are you talking to me? - she said incredulous.

- Well, you know you can be... - he pause to take a breath.

- Be what?

- Manly... and... well, tough.

- Oh, Jesus. - she rolled her eyes and kept walking with Manning on her heels.

- I just want you to be less...

- Less me!

- Well... just be girly and glamorous. Make a good impression.

Sam opened her armoire and took some guns strapping them to her thighs.

- I'll be girly, don't worry. - she said behind her teeth.

- Good, good. - and he walked away.

John came to help her wire up.

- Where is Ethan? - she asked.

- It's his night off. - John answered.

- Oh. I didn't realized that.

- So what's going on?

- I want to kill Manning with a needle that's what.

- I mean, between you and Abe.

- What do you mean? Nothing is happening.

- And between you and Ethan?

- Definitely nothing there either.

John raised his eyebrow to her.

- Don't start, Hitch. - she responded.

John smiled.

- This was left for you. - and he walked away to help Abe.

Sam opened a little black box. There were ear plugs inside. Wireless head phones. She connect them to her phone and was surprised with the music quality. This was very thoughtful, she frequently would forget to put her earphone's wire inside her uniform and they would fall out of her ears or get ripped during a fight. These would get firmly inside her ears so she wouldn't have to worry.

She looked around. Was this Ethan's or Abe's? She knew that if Liz or HB or John had come up with this present they wouldn't have a problem to give it directly to her.

John walked to Abe and started helping him with his equipment.

- What is going on between you and Sam?

- Nothing. - he answered, with a characteristic wave of his hand.

- So why didn't you give the phones directly to her?

- Did you do it?

- Yes.

- Did she like it? - he looked at her and she was staring at the small buds in her hand. Abe looked away.

- I don't know. Didn't hang around to see. Maybe you should go find out.

Abe continued fixing his equipment as if he haven't heard.

- Let's move people. - HB said.

- You know last time I stayed with the twins, now it's your turn. - Liz said.

- What?

- You've heard me, Red.

- Come on, baby. We can both go.

- I don't know. What if they wake up and need me?

- They always sleep through the night. Every day.

- But they could wake up today. When we are not there.

- That's why agent Allen is there. He is tight. Isn't he Sammy?

- Sure thing. They will be fine, Liz. - Sam said. - Don't call me Sammy by the way.

Hellboy laughed and looked down at his wife noticing her distressed face.

- I'll stay if it makes you feel better. - he put his hands on her shoulders.

- No. Let's go.

They were the last to enter the garbage truck. The door closed and they were on their way.

They were all reading the briefing on the case when Sam looked up from her tablet.

- What does he mean "girly and glamorous"?

John responded with a glimmer in his eyes.

- I think he means a dress. Pink.

- I wouldn't be caught dead wearing a pink dress. "Make a good impression". What impression do I usually make?

- Well, you wore that uniform to the last ball. - John said matter-of-factly.

- So what? It is not like we were meeting the queen!

- This time we kind of are.

Sam rolled her eyes and puffed.

- Can you help me? - she asked Liz who was staring at her children's baby monitor.

- Maybe you should come out of a cake singing "Merry Christmas, Mr. President.", that's an impression.

- No. - Sam patted her friend in her arm who laughed. - I mean with the dress.

- Have you looked at me? I only wear black t-shirts and black pants. You should ask Melanie and the girls.

- Right. That would be a Marilyn moment. A shiny silk pink moment. - and she trembled.

The mission was smooth. It took some effort to convince the trolls to return to their home, and some fighting too, but nothing they weren't used to. Even so, Sam was feeling as if a troll had rolled over her. Which it had. She only wanted to lay in her bed and have a nice night sleep. But after a long shower and finally being in her bed, she couldn't sleep. It was midnight and she was in her bed, tossing around. While Ethan was probably out with Andrea. Not that she minded. Did she?

Some months ago she would go to the library. Find a book to read, or put some soothing song on, or even do some research about some case. She really needed it tonight. She wanted to do lay down on the library sofa in the dark and stare at the water shadows in the ceiling while listening to her playlist of 80's corny love ballads. And it seemed stupid that she couldn't do it just cause he was probably there. He said the library was hers as well. Actually, it should be only hers since he gave it up.

She opened her door, and left in her night clothes, a T-shirt and shorts. The thermostats must have been broken again, cause it was December, but felt like June. She walked to her destination and started listening to a faint song. So he was in. Shit!

The singer was singing:

"I gotta take a little time, a little time to think things over

I better read between the lines, in case I need it when I'm older"

Sam came closer to the doors, recognizing the song. One that was definitely part of her 80's love ballads playlist. Did he have her playlist? Or he just like 80's songs as well?

"Now this mountain I must climb, feels like the world upon my shoulders

Through the clouds I see love shine, it keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain

I don't know if I can face it again

Can't stop now, I've traveled so far to change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me"

Sam stood next to large golden doors listening and smiling faintly. She stepped inside, there was no sign of him. The lights were dim and the air was fresher than in the corridors.

"I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show me,"

Sam took a cushion and laid down on the sofa. The blue shadows from his tank relaxed her in a minute. She sang the lines softly. That's exactly what she had wanted.

"I'm gonna take a little time, a little time to look around me

I've got nowhere left to hide, it looks like love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain

I don't know if I can face it again

I can't stop now, I've traveled so far, to change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

(I wanna feel) I wanna feel what love is

(I know) I know you can show me"

Abe was upstairs laying in the bed he never used before. Not until Africa at least. Since then, he sometimes would lay down and try to remember how he felt that day. The day they slept together in her bed. He was such a sappy. He knew that.

He didn't have the courage to face her after that day in the medical ward. Cause they couldn't hide something was going on anymore. And he couldn't hide that he felt something more for her than friendship. And she felt something more as well. That bothered him in so many ways. Abe couldn't figure it out what to do. He was awful at solving complex problems. His brain seemed to have left the building lately. And he wasn't ready to hear advice from his friends yet. They would cut out all of his bullshit and he wasn't ready to listen to that.

Firstly, he felt guilty of his feelings for Sam. She was young, she was beautiful, she was physically normal. He knew what she expected of him, and it was probably too much. He didn't want to drag her into his complicated existence. It wouldn't be like a normal relationship, a relationship she could have with Ethan or John, a relationship they could just try out new things together.

Secondly, he felt guilty of his feelings for Sam. He felt like he was cheating. Nuala had been a big part of him for the last years, and it seemed very selfish of him to taint her memory by enjoying another's company that much. He didn't even know if he was over her, if he would ever be. But although he wouldn't admit, what he felt for Sam, how she made him feel, it didn't compare to what he had felt with Nuala. He never felt desire for Nuala. Nuala was a fairy tale, a love poetry, a beautiful and peaceful thought. But Sam was reality, passion, feeling, fire. A Tolstoy novel.

That's it. That's what he should be doing. Reading a novel, not panting over a girl he shouldn't have. He got up and went to the direction of the stairs, pausing in the rails. He looked down and saw her. Was his mind so sick, he was seeing things now? Conjuring her?

She was spread out on the sofa. Clad in short blue shorts and a white tee. She was singing the song softly and moving her foot on the rhythm. He felt too old. This girl will kill him, just by being herself. Just by showing her thighs and her thoughts to him. He remembered seeing Nuala from the same perspective, but with very different angle.

His feet carried him to her. He sat down on the opposite side of the sofa.

- Am I imposing? - she asked.

- No. You could never.

They stayed silent for a couple of minutes. Just enjoying each other's company. She noticed he looked worried.

- A penny for your thoughts? - Sam broke the silence.

He smiled sadly.

- How many dollars do you have?

She laughed softly. Biting her lip.

- Is ironic isn't it? We can read each other's minds, but he have no idea what's going on there. - he continued, and laid his head back.

- I think you do have an idea Abraham, you just don't want to acknowledge it.

Sometimes he wished the "Sam he wanted" and the "Sam his best friend" would be separated people. He could use his best friend advice in this, but he obviously couldn't. Not when she was a part of it. But she had a very good way of making he see things clearly in his mind. When she was close by, nothing else mattered to him, but when she wasn't, his mind started to create problems.

- Tell you what. A thought for a thought. Doesn't even need to be good thoughts.

He laughed.

- Ok. You start.

She got pensive for a while.

- I miss you. I miss hanging out every night in the library. I miss the uncomplicated.

- I miss that too. - he answered.

- Hey, that's not valid. I gave you a good thought. Three actually. That's just an answer.

- Ok. Hum. I really like to listen your 80's cheesy songs.

She laughed loudly.

- I really like to listen to your laugh. - he completed.

Sam's heart skipped a beat and her smile was gone in a glimpse.

- I don't fear you, but I'm scared of you. Scared of what you read of me.

This shocked him a bit. He didn't know what to say to that. So he told her another thought.

- I wish you would let me inside your mind. My mind is a mess. I wish I could escape for a while.

She snorted.

- If your mind is a mess, mine is a dumping ground. If I let you in, you would regret it.

- I doubt that.

- Well, Mr. I'm sorry to say it, but you will never know.

It was his time to laugh softly.

- I don't want things to get strange between us. - she said

- I don't want that either.

She smiled softly.

- I don't think we should be together. - he says, suddenly.

- What? - she asked surprised.

- I... I don't think we should keep doing that.

He didn't need to explain better what "that" was, she understood perfectly what he meant.

- Ok.

He saw tears forming in her eyes before she got up to leave.

- Sam, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but...

She turned around to face him, tears and anger in her eyes.

- You think I don't see what's in your mind Abe? I'm telepathic too. Do you forget? I know you see me as a child. The same child as when we meet. But I'm not. You think me innocent and stupid. Infatuated. But that's not what I am. You think I'm not old enough, worldly enough, weird enough. That I don't belong to the "weird team", like you and Liz and HB. But you are completely, blindly wrong. Do you still think I can just give this up and go live a normal life in the normal world? I've told you before, I don't belong out there. I'm not normal. I'm like you. And let me tell you, not being blue doesn't make me less of a freak in the eyes of normal people out there. So I was tired of trying and I won't, nevermore. This is where I choose to be. And you are the one I choose to want. You don't need to feel the same. But if you don't want me, be brave enough to tell me so. Instead of hiding behind your stupid excuses.