tw: another MILD? Fenrir is a warning of himself - AKA Fenrir Greyback does Fenrir Greyback things, but like...you'll see. Fenrir likes to make things really weird.
Emma felt it was dreadful to stay in her bed just waiting, wanting to know desperately what Fenrir could be doing. It was even more dreadful when he finally returned, slamming the door much too hard for her liking. Even worse was Fenrir's deep growl of anger, and though Emma knew it wasn't directed towards her, it still scared her.
"Get up," he demanded.
Emma stared back at him with wide eyes, and the moment he lifted an impatient eyebrow at her, she scrambled out of bed. It was a feat that was much more difficult than she thought it would be, and her face burned in embarrassment. She knew that it wasn't her fault, but she couldn't even look at Fenrir.
"How thorough do you think the elf was?" he growled out, slowly crossing the room.
"D-dunno," Emma squeaked out, holding herself close. Every bit of her skin was sensitive to touch, and her bones felt as though they had little electric shocks running through them. It was cruel that a spell like the Cruciatus even existed because no one should ever know what it was like. Tears sprung up in her eyes from the mixture of the pain she felt and knowing that Sirius had been frequently subjected to it. The worst of the pain stopped almost immediately, but the residual effects were prolonged.
"Look at me," Fenrir said when he was right in front of her. Emma reluctantly looked up from the floor, just barely meeting Fenrir's stare. He crooked a finger underneath her chin to keep her from moving her face away.
"First rule of the pack, Emma – we take care of each other," Fenrir said, his tone suggesting he wasn't going to hear any argument. "Second rule – get used to everyone seeing everything. It's useless being embarrassed or ashamed of your body. Injuries are common, especially on a particularly rowdy night, and usually in places you can't take care of yourself. There's no place for shyness."
"Fenrir," Emma whined, "I don't…"
"Do you want to deal with having glass under your skin? I can tell you from experience it's uncomfortable if left for a long time."
"No."
"Turn around then. We'll start with your back. Leave your shirt on if you're so worried about me seeing something."
Emma sighed, giving Fenrir a reproachful look before turning around. She knew he was right, but it was humiliating. It was Fenrir.
"I've done this for a very long time, Emma," Fenrir said, lifting the back of Emma's shirt. "I've seen it all at this point. I'll spare you the details since you're still a pup for another few weeks, but I'm sure you can imagine how things were during the war."
"It feels like I'm in my own bloody war," Emma muttered, hissing as Fenrir touched a spot on her back that sent a jolt of pain down her spine.
"If the rat succeeds, then we're all going to be in one," Fenrir murmured. He tutted softly, running his fingers over the same spot to double-check for what he was looking for. "And this is why I wanted to check myself. Do you have tweezers? I doubt you're going to want me to use my nails to get this."
"I'm a girl. Of course I have tweezers," Emma grumbled. "It would take me too long to get them right now, though, so you'll have to. They're in the red bag on the counter in the bathroom." She watched out of the corner of her eye as Fenrir lifted his wand and said bag flew from the bathroom. Emma shot Fenrir a look over her shoulder, and he smirked.
"That was fastest," he said, digging through the bag and tossing it over on the bed when he found the tweezers. "This is going to hurt, but I'll try to be quick about it."
"To be fair, everything hurts, so I'm not sure it makes a difference at this point," she said, closing her eyes tightly to try and ignore what Fenrir was doing. "What do you mean if the rat succeeds? Are you talking about Peter?"
"The rat is working to help bring Voldemort back to power –"
"But Voldemort's dead," Emma insisted.
"That's what I thought, but I've seen him."
"You've seen Voldemort? You're joking."
"Have I lied to you yet?"
"No, but there's always a first."
"Well, that's true, but I wouldn't waste my time and lie about this. The rat is working with Voldemort again, along with a few others, to try and bring him back."
"Why are you telling me this? Couldn't I just tell Dumbledore, and that would be the end of it?"
"Ah, but that would mean that Dumbledore, the renowned leader of the Light, doesn't have a plan of his own," Fenrir said. "If you think that Dumbledore isn't waiting for Voldemort's return, you're sorely mistaken, little one. Another war is coming, and that's why I keep telling you that you won't want to be on the wrong side."
"And fighting alongside Voldemort is right?"
"I told you – there is no light or dark, especially when it comes to us. We're not welcome on either side, and I'm not ignorant enough to believe otherwise."
"So then why did you work with Voldemort in the first place?"
"Do you really want to know?"
"I think I do."
"The rewards," Fenrir said. "All the prey my pack and I could ever want, gifts, and the opportunity to grow the pack all for the low price of our service. I've told you time and time again that we're superior to wizards, and I wasn't going to pass up the chance to grow our numbers. Imagine my surprise when a little thing like you came into the picture."
"That sounds almost like your goal was to build an army of werewolves."
"Still is."
"So, what purpose do I serve? You know I'm not interested in 'werewolf supremacy,' so I don't know why you keep me around," Emma huffed. "Did you even want me back then? Jude made it sound like no one wanted me."
"Do you want the truth?"
"I'd rather know."
"I didn't," Fenrir admitted. "You were too small for me to do anything with. I couldn't turn you; it wasn't even worth keeping you as a snack. I had no idea what to do with you."
"You would have eaten me?"
"Humans are prey for werewolves, you know that," Fenrir pointed out. "We're magical creatures. Why do you think your diet changed completely? It's the same for you, half or not; you're a creature, too. It's the natural order of things. Now, if I were to you as you are now, that would be a different story."
Emma could argue on several points, but she was too busy focused on the idea of being considered a snack to care. "I can't believe that you would have eaten me," Emma huffed. She yelped when she felt something wet on her back. She whipped her head around to look at Fenrir, and her jaw dropped when she found him wiping at his mouth with his sleeve. "What the fuck are you doing?"
"Healing your wounds. Get over it," Fenrir said. "It's faster than waiting for your body to start healing itself and even faster than using Dittany. You should know that already."
"Fenrir, please do not tell me that you just licked me."
"Then I won't tell you," he said. "Turn around so I can check your front."
Emma began grumbling under her breath and immediately turned her face away when she turned around to face him. She didn't want to look at Fenrir as he inspected her. She knew he wasn't wrong, and she had taken advantage of that fact several times, but it was still odd. It was one thing for her to pull a cut finger into her mouth to heal it quicker; it was entirely different to have Fenrir do it.
"You could have told me before you did it, you know," Emma growled.
"And have you complain like you are now? I was saving myself the headache," Fenrir chuckled. "Since I've already done it, you'll be less likely to complain when I most likely have to do it again. The elf seemed to have gotten most of the glass, but not all of it."
"Go back to the whole me not being worth a snack," Emma grumbled. "What changed?"
"Well, I suppose that's the only thing you can thank Jude for," Fenrir said, checking over Emma's right arm first. "He showed me just how much magic you had for such a tiny little thing, and I was intrigued. Besides, I take care of what's mine, and you were decidedly mine to do whatever I pleased with."
"Wonderful," Emma muttered.
"It was. Honestly, you didn't even need my assistance with Monty, but you were too small, and I wasn't letting him get away with his shit," Fenrir said. "The amount of raw power you had was impressive."
"I don't really even remember it. I remember what he did, but I don't remember much after that."
"You were exhausted, so that's not surprising. The moment you were in my arms, you settled down and fell asleep. I realized right then that I was given something special."
"See, that's where you lose me," Emma said. "You say things like that, but it doesn't seem like the case at all. I can't grasp what made you decide to wait and why you made me suffer for so long. I don't understand what you want from me anymore, and I don't understand why it feels like you change your mind all the bloody time. My first year when you came to see me, you terrified me, and that lasted the entirety of my second year." She finally turned her head to look at Fenrir, and she frowned slightly as his fingers traced over her self-inflicted scars. "Last year, I couldn't figure you out – I was terrified of you, and then you changed seemingly out of nowhere. And now…Y-you confuse me, and I don't like it because I don't know what to think."
"And I don't understand why you would have thought you were anything less than special," Fenrir said, lifting Emma's arm and turning it, so she was forced to look at the scars she had caused herself. "I never expected this from you because you were nothing but an incredibly happy child. I wasn't planning on coming to you again until you were of age, but when I heard what you had done…it was unacceptable. Something was obviously wrong, and I needed to figure out what was going on. There was no reason why you should be with your father and feel the need to go as far as you did."
"You don't even know the entire situation," Emma said, looking away. "Besides, even if I remembered everything when I saw you the first time last year, it wouldn't have made sense. You were never around long enough to make it seem like you cared."
"Because I didn't want you to get attached. I wasn't your father, and I made sure that you knew that."
"Well, I got attached," Emma growled, angry tears springing up in her eyes. "And I still don't understand what I'm supposed to be to you. I'm starting to think that you don't even know anymore, not exactly. You have ideas of what you could possibly want, which is why things change all the time, but nothing is concrete." When Fenrir didn't respond, Emma nodded slightly. "That's what I thought."
"I know what I want," Fenrir said slowly. "I'm waiting for you to accept that you've made certain decisions already. I told you that I would give you your time, and time is ticking, Emma."
"I'm aware," Emma muttered.
Fenrir sighed and looked down at Emma's pajama bottoms. "You know I need to check the rest of you," he said, raising his eyebrows. Emma almost would have preferred to be hit with the Cruciatus again than be so exposed.
"Give me my wand," Emma said sharply. She practically ripped it out of Fenrir's hand, and she glared at him when he laughed. "I will not hesitate to hex you if I think you're doing anything questionable. The only reason…Merlin's saggy tits…the only reason I'm even letting you do this is…"
"Because you trust me?" Fenrir asked, looking thoroughly amused. Emma couldn't dare bring herself to admit it. He hummed thoughtfully and seemed almost apologetic. "Are you being difficult, or are you waiting for me to remove your bottoms for you?"
Emma sucked in a deep breath and shot Fenrir another look. "We are never going to speak of this again after today," she said. "My summer's been odd enough, and I really would rather forget today." Emma didn't know that wouldn't be the last time she said those exact words to Fenrir.
She practically launched herself back into her bed the moment she could. Emma had no desire to have any recollection that Fenrir had found more shards of glass in her right leg and what followed. There were certain things that she just never wanted to know, and that was high up on her ever-growing list. A nice, calming cuddle with Figaro seemed like a much better idea.
"So…what did you do with Jude?" Emma asked after a while.
"Nothing," Fenrir answered gruffly, reaching for his cigarettes.
"Nothing?" Emma winced at just how disappointed she actually sounded and ducked her head when Fenrir looked at her with curiosity.
"Well, well, someone has a bit of bloodlust, don't they? Should I even bother to do anything, or shall I let you have your chance at revenge?"
"I just…he would deserve whatever you did to him," Emma said quietly, pulling Figaro close. "I just thought…"
"The bastard wasn't here," Fenrir replied. "Dirty little coward saw me come in and ran. I would go after him, but I'm not about to leave you here by yourself again. I said for you to be in one piece, and you weren't."
"I mean, technically I was in one piece, just not entirely whole," Emma said, rubbing the back of her neck.
"And you are incredibly like your father," Fenrir growled. "Did you tell him what happened?"
"Not…entirely."
"You should," Fenrir said slowly.
"I'd rather wait until the full's over…I don't want to stress him out even more. I told him about what Jude said about Elle, but that's it. As far as he's concerned, I'm fine, and that's how I would prefer to keep it. He'll be cross with me later, but it's not like he hasn't kept secrets from me before."
"That's noble."
"I've caused him enough pain with my decisions, and I'm not going to make things even more difficult for him."
"Why do you make it sound like what happened today was your decision?"
"Because it felt like it," Emma replied brokenly. "Jude took things to a place I didn't even know he could take it. If I'm going to be honest, I've always imagined that you would be the reason for my downfall. I never expected any of this. I never thought that there would be a time where I could sit with you like this and have it be…as normal as it can be."
"Who's to say that I won't kill you?"
"Because you've had the opportunity so many times, and you haven't done it yet."
Fenrir lifted his hands, palms up in Emma's direction as if he were gesturing to something majestic. "Perfection," he said around the cigarette held between his lips. "Absolute perfection. See? This is exactly what I've been trying to tell you. You are a dream when you actually use that pretty little head of yours to think things through. Why wouldn't I want to keep you around?"
"But as what Fenrir?"
"What do you think?"
Emma frowned, feeling as if she were to walk into a trap if she answered exactly what she thought. "I want you to be the one to tell me," she replied, trying to hold back her yawn and failing miserably. "But you seem to avoid answering me."
She had been subject to Fenrir's close scrutinization many times over the past week, but not to the extremes he was looking at her now. His expression shifted from curiosity to adoration, to someone who looked as though they had a massive secret. Sometimes she felt like she saw a completely different side of Fenrir that no one else ever saw, and that made things even more bizarre.
"We'll have time to discuss it," Fenrir said slowly, lifting his head slightly to peer at her down his nose. "Perhaps we can come up with something that benefits us both. I think I would be open to some sort of partnership. I think you would, too." His eyes raked over her, and Emma felt herself blush. "Get some rest in the meantime. I'll wake you when it's time for dinner."
Emma doubted that anything that they would come up with would benefit them both, but at least Fenrir was willing to talk. A month ago, Emma didn't think that would be possible, and she figured that it was one of the only good things that came out of Jude being around. It still didn't change the fact that she had to be careful around Fenrir, and she had to force herself to do as he said, but it was a start. Besides, having a nap wasn't such a terrible idea.
If someone were to tell her that there would come a time where she welcomed Fenrir's presence, she wouldn't have believed them. Not even Trelawney would have been able to predict her being at all comfortable with Fenrir around. Hell, Emma couldn't even have expected it, even while being in the middle of it.
It seemed far-fetched that she knew that Fenrir loved anything with honey, hated chocolate, and loved vegetables. He had apricot jam on his toast, overindulged on bacon and sausage, and wasn't particularly fond of eggs. He preferred his meats to be practically raw, but he would take things cooked just to switch things up while in polite company. Fenrir refused to admit it, but he had a secret obsession with strawberries and a terrible sweet tooth. Emma had found Fenrir raiding her stash of sugar quills on more than one occasion, and he wasn't shy about coming over to snatch a jelly slug when she was eating them. Then again, Fenrir wasn't exactly shy about anything.
Emma had been shocked to find out that Fenrir played guitar – and played very well. She had wondered what he did in his spare time, but for some reason, it never occurred to her that he would like music. It was a welcome surprise when he left for a few minutes to bring some of his things to the house and returned with his guitar. She didn't mind sitting close by and reading while he played – it was a lot nicer than being in silence. Emma didn't care to conceal her delight when Fenrir brought a small wireless radio with him a different time because it made her feel like she was home. The only time the radio was off was when he was playing his guitar.
After having consecutive semi-formal dinners, it was nice to once again not have to join the rest of the household. Fenrir didn't want Emma anywhere near Jude, and she wasn't opposed to staying in her room any longer. She felt much safer in her small sanctuary, and she was used to entertaining herself.
She supposed her time away from home wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. Emma had noticed the noticeable absence of Persephone, though. She had doubts about Fenrir's lack of trust in Persephone, but Persephone rarely came around. Emma had seen Caspian more than Persephone, but his attention was continually drawn back to Elijah. They could talk more once school started, but it was evident that she was suddenly a stranger in their home. Emma didn't entirely mind, Fenrir wasn't terrible company when he was normal, but she missed Persephone. It seemed strange that she was right down the hall, but yet it seemed like they were further apart than ever.
Her attention was drawn out the window when she heard the rumble of thunder on the horizon. Emma stood up shakily with her dinner and crossed over to the window seat, wanting to be nearby when the rain finally started. She leaned against the window frame, sitting sideways on the bench seat. She ate slowly, mostly because her entire body was still shaky, and she was reminded too much of having to relearn how to do things the previous summer.
"Has anyone ever told you that your thoughts are loud? I can practically hear them," Fenrir said into the silence.
A small smile crossed Emma's face as she set her plate down on the windowsill. "I think Dad's brought it up a time or two," she said jokingly.
"Ah," Fenrir said slowly. "And there's Emma Lupin's code for she's heard it at least several times a week. Anything you'd like to share with the class?"
"It would take me weeks to go through every single thought I have," Emma said. "But I do find the whole thing with you being pure-blood fascinating."
"The Noble and Ancient House of Black isn't the only pure-blood family, princess," Fenrir said.
"Oh, buggering fuck, don't ever call me that again," Emma shuddered. "I'm the furthest away from being a princess."
"You might as well be considered the princess of the Black family," Fenrir shrugged.
"I'd rather not think about it," Emma said. "I've had an identity crisis for the past three years; I don't need your help in that department. Although, that does bring up a question I've been mulling over."
"And what's that?"
"If you would have gone and taken me in the first place, what would my name have been? I don't imagine you would have left me saddled with 'Emelyn Nickels.'"
"Oh, fuck no," Fenrir said, his face twisting in disgust. "You would have been Emma. Unless you decided to take your wolf's name."
"All right, so...Emma what? Emma Lupin?"
"Probably not. I would have most likely given you my name, especially if I decided to still send you to Hogwarts."
"So, then Emma Greyback?" Emma asked.
There was the smallest moment of hesitation from Fenrir, and Emma picked up on it quickly. That didn't happen often.
"On second thought, I would have given you a different name," he said. "Greyback would have been too conspicuous, and I wouldn't have wanted people going after you just because of your name. That's something you should keep in mind even now – you don't want too many people to know you're a Black." Fenrir seemed to think about it for a moment, and he set down his fork, leaning back in his chair. "Fenmore. You would have been Emma Fenmore."
"Fenmore?" Emma questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Why Fenmore?"
"It's common enough that it wouldn't draw too much attention," Fenrir shrugged. "You would be better going under the radar if you were mine."
"So then would you have made me still look like Jude?"
"Absolutely not," Fenrir said, making Emma giggle at his vehement proclamation. "I would have done the same thing as I did with the dog, but obviously with your father, so you would look just as you do now."
"Just without the scars…"
"Not necessarily. You would have been a wolf several years ago. Accidents happen."
"Ah, so then you would have let me transform in the Shrieking Shack every month like Dad while I was in school. Got it."
Fenrir looked less than amused as he looked over at Emma. "Must you have a comment for every plan that I have?"
"I'm just pointing out the flaws," Emma said. "Again – your fault."
He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "Is this your way of trying to convince me not to turn you tomorrow?"
"Surprisingly no," Emma said with a nervous laugh. "Just absolutely abysmal timing, really. I was just making the point that it would be miserable. I've seen the inside of the Shack, and that's no place for anyone to be – werewolf or not. If that was the life I had to live, I would obviously have no choice but to accept it, but knowing you… At the end of the day, you would either have to keep me with the pack and not allow me to get an education or let me remain human and have no issues."
Emma swore that Fenrir's eye twitched. She certainly didn't miss the way his hands balled into fists or the way he licked his teeth in aggravation. Emma gulped, quickly looking away; that wasn't the reaction she was trying to go for.
"I know you're going to do what you're going to do, and I've mostly come to terms with that, I suppose. Honestly, I'm not even as terrified of the whole idea like I thought I would be," Emma said with a grimace. "I'm just saying, especially if you're very insistent on my going back to Hogwarts, I don't particularly like the idea of transforming alone. I doubt Dumbledore would be willing to have you anywhere near the school, and Dad's currently stuck in Ministry lock up."
"God fucking damn it," Fenrir growled. He took a deep breath. "Why do you insist on making this difficult?"
"I'm not making it difficult," Emma insisted. "I think I know you well enough that you wouldn't be too thrilled with the arrangement I would have to take. Remember – I was just asking about the fictional life I would have had. You're the one who brought up tomorrow."
"You are infuriating."
"Fenrir, I swear it wasn't my intention to anger you," Emma replied quietly. She stuck her hand out the window to let the rain touch her skin, and she closed her eyes at the cool relief that she felt on her skin. The rain was cool enough that it toned down the lingering fire underneath the surface, though it didn't reach her aching bones. "I had time to think about it while you were away, and it scares me, but I think I'm more worried about the bite itself. Dad described what it feels like afterward, and we think it won't be as terrible since I'm already infected, but… Maybe it's the anticipation of it that worries me, I don't know. Can't be that much worse than the Cruciatus, I don't think…" Emma opened her eyes and pulled her hand back in to twist Fenrir's ring around her finger. She had been doing that a lot lately when her thoughts were too much to deal with.
When Emma looked back at Fenrir, he still looked aggravated, but he looked as though he was working through a complicated puzzle. Either Emma had done the wrong thing by voicing her thoughts, or she had just bought herself more time without meaning to. She had learned it was easier to be honest with Fenrir from the start, and she didn't mind being open with him. Emma didn't care about Fenrir's feelings like she did with Remus, and if she hurt him in some way, it didn't matter. It wasn't like Fenrir cared to sugarcoat anything for her, and she wasn't about to for him either.
"What do you want, Emma?"
"What do you mean this time?"
Fenrir made his way over to the window seat and sat down next to her. "What do you want out of life?"
"Well, that's an…awfully difficult question to answer, isn't it?"
"Not really. Allow me to rephrase my question then – what do you think you would want in the future. I knew I wanted power. What do you want?"
Emma felt that it was still a hard question to answer.
"Happiness," she said after a few minutes of thinking about it. "I don't care for money, I never did. I want my family, but I think that's a given. I think I really just want to be happy."
"And what if I could guarantee you happiness? I don't think I've seen you this at ease in years."
"Because I haven't been. I've either accepted my situation, or I'm resigned to it. I haven't decided," Emma said sadly. "As for you guaranteeing my happiness? Well, that would come down to the conditions, no? That seems like a lofty guarantee, even from you. I have more money than I know what to do with – surely I can buy happiness if I'd like."
"I would be inclined to believe that if you didn't just tell me you weren't interested in money."
"That was my mistake, then."
Fenrir chuckled. "It was," he said. "Tell you what – if you are willing to continue our discussions, then you're safe another full moon. You didn't ask me for more time; I'm extending it as a courtesy in that matter. Besides, once again, I'm not sure you would survive, and I told you I'm not taking chances. I still expect your final decision after your birthday of where your loyalties lie, but I've been patient. I crave to see you finally running free where you belong, but your education is important, and I don't have the time to devote to teaching you myself. Not now, at least."
"What are the conditions?" Emma asked skeptically.
"My only condition is that you're willing to meet with me, and we discuss our situation – like adults and as equals. You're more than capable of making your own decisions, and I think it's time you start doing things for yourself."
"And I have your word? That would be your only condition? No loopholes or added conditions as you see fit?"
"You have my word," Fenrir said, holding his hand out for her to shake. "Do we have a deal?"
"Well, I've already made several deals with the devil, might as well make another," Emma said, reluctantly putting her hand in Fenrir's. At least it was another month she was kept from being a werewolf.
Sometimes it felt like Fenrir's goal in life was to embarrass Emma as much as he possibly could. She felt terrible after missing the potion the day before, and she wanted to be angry at Fenrir for making her smile.
"It's actually adorable when you sleep," Fenrir said when he woke her up earlier than usual. He wanted to make sure she could send her potion to Remus before leaving for his stay at the Ministry, which she appreciated. "Are you aware that you curl up like a pup?"
"Fenrir, it's much too early for this," Emma said, walking barefoot to the potion's lab. She was ignoring every ounce of potion's safety, but she didn't care. Unless she had another incident like the day before, which was very unlikely with Fenrir around, she would be fine.
"It's sweet," Fenrir said. He threw his arm out to stop Emma from entering the potion's lab and did a quick sweep with his wand. "Don't know why you insist on going barefoot."
"Because I am getting right back into bed after this," Emma said with a yawn. "And I can practically make this potion in my sleep. Besides, I don't anticipate any issues today with you here."
She practically leaned on Fenrir as she worked. Cutting ingredients was a little more difficult with her exhaustion, but she pushed through. She refused to sacrifice the quality of the potion just because she was tired.
"It's adorable. You curl up into such a tiny little ball," Fenrir said. "With the number of blankets you insist on using, you get lost. I didn't think I was even going to be able to find you. I found your cat quicker than I found you."
"Yes, but Fig is also food motivated," Emma pointed out. "She's not very hard to find."
"I'm sure if I were to wave a bar of chocolate near you, you would come running."
Emma couldn't help her smile. "Unfortunately, I have to agree."
"Have you always done that? That night I came to see you in your first year, you were in such a strange position that I had no idea how you found it comfortable."
"Ah, no," Emma said. "The way I sleep was a side effect of my infection, actually. I don't do it all the time, but obviously, I do it more just before the full."
Emma was relieved that Jude didn't make an appearance. If he did, she worried it would ruin her moment of relaxation. She could brew potions all day, and she had a few times while working with Madam Pomfrey. Perhaps she would have to suggest adding a potion's lab for her if Remus still planned to renovate the cottage.
"Did you like taking potions in school?" Emma asked curiously as she bottled up the potion.
Fenrir gave a slight shrug. "I didn't mind it, but it wasn't what I was interested in."
"What did you like, then? Obviously you're interested in divination. Did you discover that you enjoyed it as a student or after you graduated?"
"I enjoyed the practice of divination before going to school," Fenrir said. Emma waited for him to expand on that thought, but he didn't. "I liked Transfiguration best."
Emma hummed thoughtfully. "That makes sense, actually. What about charms? I know that you're one of the only people I've ever met who enjoyed History of Magic."
"Charms was a very useful class. I wasn't fond of it, but I learned to appreciate it after I graduated," Fenrir said, accepting his glass of Wolfsbane.
Fenrir walked her back to her room, keeping a close eye on the hallway. "Don't go back to sleep yet. I'll make my sales, and then we'll have breakfast."
Emma agreed but wound up falling right back asleep anyway.
"You are going to be a terrible wolf if you can't stay up," Fenrir said when he woke Emma back up.
"Good thing I've got some time, then," she said, stretching herself out.
"Be careful – I might alter the deal."
"You won't," Emma yawned. "You love me too much."
Fenrir grunted in response and shook his head. Emma hadn't meant to say it, but she considered it confirmation even if he didn't admit to it.
She was beyond relieved that Fenrir let her sleep the day away as he planned to do the exact same thing. Emma woke up every few hours and was surprised to finally see him sleeping over on his couch. She wondered if he knew that he sometimes curled up like she did when he wasn't stretched out. Emma would take a few moments to watch him and then close her eyes when nausea would sweep through her. Even though she felt herself growing sluggish, putting her incident with Jude aside, she could say it was one of her better weeks.
Emma wanted to sleep through dinner, but Fenrir practically hauled her out of bed to sit at the table.
"You are going to eat, and then you are going to have the elf bring your cat to Persephone for the night," he said, pinning Emma with a fierce look.
"Why am I moving my cat? She's meant to help with the night," Emma said with a frown.
"Because even though I'm not turning you, I'm still spending the night with you. I'll be fine around you, but I don't think you'd appreciate me accidentally killing your car."
Emma didn't expect that at all, and her frown deepened. The idea of spending the night with Fenrir in his wolf form was scary, but maybe it would be all right. He had taken the Wolfsbane Potion all week, of course intending to turn her, but they had their deal. Hopefully, he would remember that and not strike.
"You know, you never did tell me how things went with the pack," Emma said carefully as Mitzy brought them dinner. "What happened?"
"A few of the more vocal pack members were aggravated that I wasn't around," Fenrir said roughly. "They seem to believe that I'm abandoning the pack."
"Oh," Emma said quietly. "But you wouldn't."
"No, but I can see why it seems that way," Fenrir muttered.
"Why would they feel that way?"
Fenrir looked up at Emma. "Because they've smelled you on me. You smell like one of us," he explained. "They doubt that you're even real as I go to wherever you are. I had to put a stop to the nonsense."
"And that took more than one day to do?"
"Our conflict resolution isn't typical," Fenrir said slowly. "But the problem has been taken care of."
It took Emma a few minutes to understand that he meant it involved fighting. She wasn't sure that she wanted to know what Fenrir meant by the problem being taken care of. Sometimes she was glad that Fenrir didn't tell her everything.
"I'll be back," Fenrir said as the moon continued to rise in the sky. "I'll be transforming with the rest of the pack and come back."
"How are you going to do that?" Emma asked in alarm. "The pack is close enough?"
"We're close enough, and I haven't had a good run in a while," Fenrir said, rolling his shoulders. He bent down to kiss the top of Emma's head. "I should be back by midnight."
Emma had no idea how exactly Fenrir planned to get to her room, but she didn't dare question it. As tired as she was, Soleil was hitting the point where she wouldn't be quiet. As the moon drew higher, Emma gave a soft press of her bracelet and smiled at Remus's returning touch. She was grateful that Fenrir didn't care to keep her from Remus and didn't question her when she got lost writing in her notebook. Fenrir seemed to know better than to question it and fully acknowledged that he would prefer she was with her father.
She took a look around the room, wishing that she wasn't entirely alone. Fenrir had made Mitzy set multiple charms on the door to keep people out and requested everyone else stay on the other side of the house. It had made Emma worried, but Fenrir assured her it was so that there wouldn't be any visitors. He told her multiple times that she would be all right with him but wanted to make sure Jude didn't dare think to come around. As far as anyone was concerned, Fenrir was still in the room with her.
When her skin felt particularly prickly, Emma made her way over to the window. She rubbed her forehead furiously, Soleil talking to her more and more. It was aggravating on an average day, but Soleil talked even more with Fenrir around. There had been a moment earlier that day that Soleil had made Emma freeze completely.
Packpackpackpackpack Soleil repeated over and over again. Emma was sure she would drop down on her front legs into a play bow in pure happiness when Fenrir came back. It was the exact same way that she felt around Moony, and Emma was terrified it was going to be the same thing with Fenrir. She felt betrayed by her own mind, and Emma couldn't help but wonder if Fenrir knew her decision already because Soleil was insistent. And loud. Very insistent and very loud. Emma hated it.
The only thing that made it all right in Emma's mind was Soleil hadn't given any sort of designation to Fenrir. The moment that happened, Emma had no idea what she would do. Soleil had claimed Moony as precisely that – Moony. Soleil knew that Moony was both father and sired her, but he was just Moony. It made Emma laugh when she made the Moomy association, and she felt that Soleil had picked up on that memory. It was fitting because when she was feeling particularly silly, she would refer to Remus exclusively as Moomy.
"Oh, shut up, Soleil," Emma growled, closing her eyes tightly and rubbing her forehead. She must have made herself sad thinking about Remus because Soleil responded in kind with pathetic whines and pitiful whimpers. "You are literally the worst part of me, and I can't stand you right now. The bloody potion was meant to make you shut up."
Emma's eyes snapped open at the sound of a howl. She was determined not to howl back on pure instinct, and she growled when Soleil called back loudly in her mind. PackFenrirpack. Another loud howl rang out through the night, and Emma had to clamp her hands over her mouth.
FenrirpackFenrirpackFenrirpack. She was going to kill Fenrir for howling because she was determined not to respond. It didn't take too much longer for Fenrir to appear, a massive blur running from the horizon, fur glimmering in the moonlight.
Fenrir only slowed down when he approached the house, and Merlin he was huge. Emma assumed that Fenrir was going to be a massive wolf, but he terrifying to look at. His fur looked dark, but with a grey sheen just as his name suggested. His amber eyes reflected brightly from the moonlight as he stared up at her. He was equal parts beautiful and terrifying, and she had to admit that Fenrir as a wolf was a sight to behold. She pitied anyone whose last view was Fenrir as a wolf because he struck fear in her even on the Wolfsbane Potion.
He barked at her, and Emma raised her eyebrows at him. "You know, for a wolf, I would think you would be above a common dog's bark," Emma said. He growled at her, and as if to prove a point, he howled a third time, and Emma covered her mouth again. When she didn't howl back, he barked at her again. "I am not howling, Fenrir. Now, if you'll excuse me, now that you are here, I am going to bed."
Emma stood up and shot Fenrir a final glare, and made her way to her bed. She froze when she heard what sounded like four paws landing on the floor and whipped around so fast that she lost her balance from dizziness. Before she could get anywhere near the ground, Fenrir was under her to keep her from falling. Emma clutched hard to Fenrir, her eyes growing wide as he turned his head to look at her and gave her a soft growl.
"Did you climb up the side of the house?" Emma asked. "I knew werewolves could climb, but Fenrir, that was scary quick."
Fenrir let out a soft wuff and twisted himself further to nudge Emma's arm with his nose to get her to straighten up. She almost didn't want to, his body warm and fur soft, but he licked her, and that was all the incentive she needed.
Emma reluctantly straightened up and somehow refrained from running her hands through Fenrir's fur. His fur was prettier to look at up close – dark grey, almost black in some spots with a dark brown undertone. Somehow Fenrir's coat was softer than Remus and Elara's fur combined. Emma kept an eye on Fenrir as she climbed into her bed. She was about to get under her covers, but Fenrir hopped onto the mattress and dropped down next to her. Emma grimaced when she took a quick look around and noticed that Fenrir left muddy paw prints everywhere.
"I am not taking the blame if Sage sees you've left your paw prints everywhere," Emma said as she laid down facing Fenrir. "Thank you for somehow missing every single one of my blankets with your dirty paws. I don't think I would have been able to forgive you for that one."
The moment her head touched her pillow, Fenrir's nose was suddenly everywhere. It was in her hair, sniffing her neck, and spots that made Emma hit him to get him to stop. He had even less shame in his wolf form, and his strength was terrifying.
"No, Fenrir – your nose does not belong there," Emma growled as his curious sniffing wandered south. She shoved hard at his head to keep him from wandering too far. "I will hex you out the window if you even think about it." His eyebrows lifted minutely in a show of canine curiosity, head cocking to the side, and Emma rolled her eyes. He was thinking about it.
"You know, for someone who calls me Rabbit, you have the twitchiest nose I have ever seen," Emma said, watching how Fenrir kept sniffing the air. She lifted a hand towards him, asking for silent permission to pet him, and he shuffled forward to let her. Emma couldn't get over how pretty he looked up close with his dark fur. She immediately went for the thick scruff of fur at the back of his neck and sighed in contentment of the feel underneath her fingers. His fur was unlike anything she had ever felt, and she bit back her grin when she scratched the spot behind his ears, and his eyes started to close.
"We are literally never going to speak of this," Emma said. Fenrir seemed inclined to agree.
Emma was too afraid to sleep around Fenrir as a wolf, but at some point, he had allowed her to use him as a pillow. He curled around her as she laid on her side, head resting near his shoulders. She wanted to keep a close eye on him and continued to run a hand through his fur, hoping it would convince him not to snap. Emma was under the delusion that as long as she provided head scratches, he was guaranteed not to bite her. She knew it had to be torturous for Fenrir to not bite her or be out doing whatever he usually would during the full. If petting him somehow eased those feelings for him, it was a small price to pay for her safety.
Soleil was more than content with the situation and kept trying to convince Emma to sleep. She had a sneaking suspicion Fenrir was trying to do the same but didn't project visuals like Moony. It was the only reason why Emma felt Soleil would be on the quieter side. A yawn finally escaped her lips, and she groaned.
"I know what you're trying to do," Emma said, poking Fenrir's side. "And I'm afraid you might be winning." She closed her eyes with another yawn and frowned slightly. Emma wasn't sure if it was exhaustion, Soleil voicing her opinions, or Fenrir's subtle influence, but she felt like being open with her thoughts.
She had thought long and hard about Fenrir's question about what she wanted after they had it, and she realized there was only one real answer. It scared her to put out in the open, made her question everything about herself, but she didn't care to think about the consequences. Her morals went entirely out the window the moment she realized she trusted Fenrir – consequences didn't matter anymore.
"You know, there's one guaranteed way I would join you and the pack," she said. She felt Fenrir turn his head in her direction, and she cracked open an eye to look at him. "I thought more about the question you asked me – about what I want. I want happiness, but I realized there's only one way that'll happen, which means Jude needs to be out of the picture. If you were to kill Jude for me, I would join you with no questions asked. Hell, I might even fall in love with you for that one."
Fenrir's tail started to thump hard on the mattress, and he propped himself up on his front legs, cocking his head to the side. If Emma didn't remember who Fenrir actually was, she would have found the action endearing.
"I mean it, Fenrir. I'll do it," she said earnestly. She wasn't making a deal with him, not exactly, but if it were to somehow happen, well… Fenrir was tolerable. He seemed to have it in his head that she was joining him regardless; she at least wanted to benefit in some way. "I'll be yours – I'll do anything you want. I won't fight it, not too much at least." She yawned again, closing her eyes and readjusting herself. "But not tonight. You're warm, and I'm being selfish. Just thought I would give you something to consider."
She had clearly fallen asleep much faster than she thought she would. Emma had evidently managed to sleep through Fenrir transforming back into a man again, a feat that Remus had always found amazing. She let out a sharp gasp as she realized she was looking directly at Fenrir's naked torso. Emma squeezed her eyes shut and covered her eyes with her hands.
"My God, Fenrir, please tell me you have clothes on," Emma said, keeping her face covered.
"You are so bloody dramatic," Fenrir said with a slight growl. His voice was gravely and rough from his transformation. "I've got shorts on. Bloody hell, witch. You act as though you've never seen a naked man before."
Not quite sure that she believed Fenrir was wearing clothes, Emma peered cautiously between her fingers. She only pulled her hands away when she deemed that Fenrir was telling the truth, and he was indeed wearing shorts like he said. He was unnaturally quiet as he stared at her, and Emma shot him a look.
"What?" Emma snapped, sitting up in the bed and crossing her arms. "Do you have a problem?" Fenrir was studying her far too much for her liking, and Emma felt herself flush.
"Merlin, you have never actually seen a naked man, have you?"
Emma felt her face grow impossibly hotter. This was not the conversation she wanted to be having right now at four or five in the morning. "I have," she insisted, but she knew Fenrir saw right through her when his eyebrow arched. "Fine, no, I haven't. Now what?" she snapped when a surprised smile crossed Fenrir's face.
"Jesus Christ, you're still a virgin, aren't you?"
There was a long moment of hesitation as Emma pulled her blanket up over her body, and she averted her gaze. She gave the smallest of nods she could manage.
"Hell has frozen over, and dear Lord, I have to admit that I genuinely fucked up," Fenrir said, straightening up and crossing his arms. "Holy shit."
"Why do you sound so surprised?" Emma asked with a frown.
"Because I am," Fenrir said. "With how pretty you are, I'm sure you could have the pick of any boy you would want. I find it hard to believe that you've never had sex before. Makes a lot of fucking sense now…"
"Well, believe it," Emma huffed, meeting Fenrir's gaze reluctantly. She shifted uncomfortably and pulled her blanket up higher, holding it just underneath her chin. Emma had avoided having any real mention of sex around Fenrir for so long, but that was unraveling quickly.
"Fuck," he breathed out, rubbing his jaw. "Had I realized…fuck, that's absolutely not a responsibility I want."
"And here I thought you would be jumping at the chance to be my first," Emma grumbled.
"Well," Fenrir said simply, and Emma's face twisted slightly, knowing exactly what that one word was meant to imply. "No, I would've been pissed about it later. I want to be able to enjoy you, not completely ruin you. I've had my fair share of virgins; I'm not interested in that, especially not with you." Fenrir released a long breath, scratching his head with his hand in an entirely dog-like fashion. "What's the problem? Are you afraid?"
"I would much rather have you bite me than have this conversation with you," Emma said with a growl.
"And I'm much more fascinated in figuring out what your issue is," Fenrir said. "Do you not like men at all? I know about your, uh, history with your little friend…"
"If I said I was a lesbian, would that help my case?" Emma asked hopefully.
"You definitely like men, then," Fenrir snorted. "Could have been a little less subtle about it, Rabbit. You're bisexual?"
"You're aware that it's very early, and any sane person, especially a werewolf like you who just transformed, should be wanting to sleep right now?"
"I'm very curious to understand this situation. I can sleep when I have my answers."
Emma ran her hands over her face, shaking her head. "Yes, I'm bisexual. No, I'm not scared," Emma said. "It's not for lack of trying, not exactly. Though Dad being around the last year didn't help with that. Nobody really wants to have sex with you when you're the professor's daughter lest they get on his bad side and earn terrible marks because of it. Now that I know I'm related to at least half of my class and the Prophet's published all that nonsense, I highly doubt my prospects are high."
"But you have a boyfriend…"
Emma didn't recall telling Fenrir that she had a boyfriend and gave him a questioning look. "Who I'm related to somewhere in the Black family tree," Emma pointed out. "I don't know what to do with that just yet."
Fenrir nodded, almost to himself, as he sat down on the edge of Emma's mattress. "No wonder you're so high strung," he said almost off-handedly. "You've never had a good lay before." He looked thoughtful for a moment and twisted himself to look at Emma, giving her a fascinated look. "You haven't even had a chance to get yourself off this entire summer, have you? You haven't had a real moment alone, and I know your house is bloody tiny."
"Fenrir, please stop," Emma said, blushing furiously. Their entire conversation was way worse than any conversation she had with Remus. The last thing she wanted was Fenrir knowing her lack of sexual history.
"You know," Fenrir said slowly as he turned himself completely and crawled over to Emma. A wolfish grin crossed his face as he pushed Emma back against her pillows so he could climb over the top of her. She was frozen underneath Fenrir, nervously trying to anticipate what he would do. "I could help with that," he said.
"Fenrir," Emma said sharply. "No."
Fenrir began to laugh, rolling off Emma. "Holy shit, that was too easy – I've never seen you turn that particular shade of red before," he chuckled. "I imagine you haven't even experimented with a boy your age, have you?" Emma's embarrassed flush was telling, and Fenrir swore under his breath. "Well, that's going to have to change sometime soon. I was not expecting to learn that. Do yourself a favor and find yourself a muggle-born if you're so worried about crossing family lines. Don't deprive yourself of one of life's simplest pleasures. After all, the mating part is the best part of having a mate."
"Oh, yes, getting advice from someone who probably fucks anything that moves is exactly what I would like to right now," Emma growled. "Are you done?"
"Ah, but that would mean I've had someone to fuck this entire time."
"Haven't you? You're Fenrir Greyback."
"I am, but you also forget before I was a werewolf, I was a pure-blood wizard," Fenrir said.
"Which means what? I don't understand what that's even supposed to mean."
"It means that you have been my only focus for the past decade."
"Care to elaborate?"
"Which means that I want you. And because I had to make sure that you were raised well where you were, my focus was placed elsewhere. I haven't been…intimate…with someone in years."
Emma searched Fenrir's face, beyond positive that he wasn't serious. He had a reputation, one that had settled down slightly over the years, but that didn't change who he was. There was no way that she could see him being abstinent for any reason whatsoever.
"You're Fenrir Greyback," Emma repeated slowly as if saying his name slow would somehow change things. "You are known as the most savage werewolf of all time, and you are going to sit here and lie to me and tell me that you haven't had sex in the past decade? Besides, Dad said that werewolves aren't even monogamous."
"Doesn't mean that we can't be," Fenrir said pointedly. "It's just been me, myself –"
"Fenrir, do not finish that sentence because I don't need to know," Emma said quickly, taking a steadying breath. "Are you done?"
"Not quite," he replied, looking too amused with himself. "I need you to do something for me."
"I'm not doing anything for you, Fenrir," Emma said, crossing her arms.
"You will," Fenrir said. "I need you to make a bet at the World Cup for me."
"You want me to make a bet for you?"
"One of the other packs will be attending the match tomorrow," Fenrir said slowly, observing Emma closely to gauge her reaction.
"You want me to make a bet with another pack?"
"Another alpha."
Emma didn't like the sound of that at all. She shook her head in response. The idea of having to deal with another pack leader was terrifying to her.
"You'll be fine," Fenrir said, nodding to the ring on her finger. "They won't touch you – they'll know you're mine."
Another frown crossed Emma's face, and she sighed. "You promise I'll be fine?"
"Just because you don't transform yet, it doesn't make you any less a wolf. In fact, you smell far more like a wolf than I thought you would," Fenrir replied. "You have my word that you will be safe. No harm will come to you amongst your peers, especially not while mine."
That was as good of a promise as Emma would ever get.
a/n: Yeah, Fenrir likes to take things from zero to a hundred in no time at all. Starting to get a read on him yet? No? Yes? Any theories as to what exactly changed with Fenrir towards Emma? Curious to know what people have to say, and I'd love to hear it over on Discord!
To be honest, Fenrir writes himself and he surprises me sometimes. I usually go through several drafts of chapters, and this one just went from progressively "kinda Fenrir" to "Oh." This was absolutely one of those, "Oh, yes, this is Fenrir" chapters. Up until this point, he's existed, but I think this is the first time I've really started to flesh him out outside of the obvious. He's fascinating, and I hate myself for actually liking Fenrir. Ick.
And what about Emma? DUN DUN DUNNNN. This child...I love her dearly, but, in wizarding fashion, Merlin's saggy tits. That's all I'm going to say.