Best Laid Plans Heather Burkett
Chapter 28: The Right Thing
Edward didn't call later Sunday night or Monday.
But neither did I.
I was losing him, and as much as it bothered me, I still found I was a little relieved.
My subconscious had been right. I'd been selfishly dragging him along while being completely unable to come to terms with our age difference.
And I was seriously beginning to doubt I ever would.
I knew I should just let him go. It would be better for him to move on; to find someone closer to his age to give him the kind of life that I couldn't. And, for some reason – after seeing him with my family and friends on Sunday, it was easier to do that now.
I grabbed the small, gift wrapped box he gave me from my nightstand, turning it over in my hands repeatedly as I tried to decide what I was going to do. With my mind set, I picked up the phone and dialed his number.
I was only moderately surprised when it went to voicemail.
"Hey Edward. Can you give me a call so we can talk?" I spoke to the answering service.
His reply came via text about half an hour later. "Working at the clinic today. I get off at 5 pm. Why don't you come over to my place?"
I sighed, dreading the conversation. "Okay. See you around 6." I typed back.
His reply was a simple "Ok."
Part of me wanted to call someone like Leah or Alice to talk through what I was feeling, but a bigger part of me feared they may try to talk me out of my decision. Their hearts were in the right place, but they only had my best interests in mind. It seemed as if no one but me was thinking about what would be best for Edward.
So, instead, I went to the store to buy some little note cards and spent a good chunk of the afternoon busying myself handwriting thank you cards to my family and friends for the surprise party and gifts.
Sarah called me around three-thirty when Jacob picked her up from school.
"Hey mom!" She greeted cheerfully.
"Hey Buttercup. How was school?"
"It was cool. Guess what?"
"What's up?" I asked.
"Angie agreed to join the Environmental Club with me. Our first meeting is next Friday." She answered excitedly.
"That's great, baby. I'm glad you decided to give it a try." I tried sounding enthusiastic, but my tone came out flat.
"Yeah. The competition is in March and they're going to need chaperones. Mrs. Cope told us to ask our parents. I know it's a long ways away, but do you think you'd be interested in coming?"
"Of course." I was flattered. "Let me know the actual date and I'll put it on my calendar."
"Great. I'll tell Mrs. Cope tomorrow to send you an e-mail with the details." She advised.
"Sounds like a plan."
"Are you okay? You sound upset about something." She asked, picking up on my sour mood.
I started to dismiss it, but remembered my promise not to lie to her. "I sort of had an argument with my assistant." I answered.
"Oh." She sounded sad for me. "I hope everything is okay."
"We're going to talk about it tonight, so I may be slow to answer if you call or text." I let her know.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked sympathetically.
"No, Sweetie. Just some grown up stuff, but thanks for asking. It will be okay."
"Alright. I won't call later tonight, just in case." She advised.
I smiled sadly. "How about this – I'll call you on my way back home from Port Angeles, okay?"
"Okay."
Jacob and I sure hit the lottery when it came to little girls.
With a troubled stomach, I loaded into the car around five o'clock to make the trek to Port Angeles with the wrapped gift beside my purse on the passenger seat.
Whatever it was, I couldn't accept it.
I played the radio, but paid no attention to it as the trees and scenery blew by; playing and replaying in my head exactly what I was going to say.
I made good time, pulling into his apartment complex just before six o'clock.
I sat in the car for a few minutes, my stomach roiling and my chest constricted as I tried to gather my wits. After a few minutes, I found the resolve to step out of the car and make my way up the steps to his apartment.
Edward answered the door, still in his scrubs from the chiropractor's office.
"Hey." He said with a sad smile and taking a deep breath, as if he already knew where this conversation would go. His cheek and chin were stubbly from not having shaved in a couple of days; the dark circles beneath his eyes aging him. "Come on in."
Edward made his way into the kitchen as I stepped into the apartment. "Do you want something to drink?"
"No, I'm good. Thanks."
"Go ahead and have a seat. Make yourself comfortable." He called out as I heard ice plinking into a glass.
I heard the faucet running and, a moment later, he stepped out of the kitchen sipping from a glass of ice water, his Adam's apple bobbing as the cool liquid slipped down his long, elegant throat.
I looked down, afraid I wouldn't be able to go through with this if I looked at him too much longer.
"Edward-"
"Bella-"
We spoke in unison.
He sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry if I made your party uncomfortable for you. I promise, that wasn't my intention." He continued.
"Edward, you have nothing to apologize for. I know you just wanted to be there for me, and it was sweet, really." I hurriedly said.
"Why do I sense there's a 'but' coming?" He frowned, looking down at his feet as he drew in another ragged breath.
"I'm sorry, Edward. I tried, but I just...I can't do this." With my purse still on my shoulder and his gift still in my hand, I gestured between us.
"How can you know that? It's only been three weeks, Bella. Give me a chance." He asked reaching out to me with so much sorrow in his eyes that it wrenched my heart painfully.
"It's not you, Edward. It's me."
He barked a laugh, scoffing.
"I mean it." I continued. "You've been nothing but amazing but I...I just don't see myself getting used to our age difference and I don't think it's fair to keep leading you on."
He stepped forward abruptly, placing his hand on my cheek. "For goodness sake, Bella. I'm a grown man, not some kid. I know what I'm getting myself into here. You've been honest with me from the start – I know it's going to take you some time but-"
"But it won't." I interrupted, stepping back from his touch, breaking the buzzing current between us before it dragged me under.
"I should never have gone to the party. I knew this would happen." He damned himself.
"No, Edward. It needed to happen sooner or later. It's better that it happened now."
"So what, exactly, is happening?" He said, his expression belying his heartache.
"I think you already know." I answered simply. "This isn't good for you. I'm not good for you."
"Dammit, stop trying to decide what's best for me!" He angered, his face flushing.
"Okay, you're right. But, I just can't see you being part of my world, and you deserve to be more than just some secret fling." I answered quietly; honestly.
He took a step back, as if my words had physically wounded him like a bullet to the heart.
Though what I said was true, it hurt me to see him react that way.
"Is that all I am to you? A fling?" His voice was quiet, pained.
The answer was no, but I didn't think answering truthfully would be helpful in this situation.
"There's nothing I can say or do to change your mind, is there?" He asked quietly.
I frowned, shaking my head. "Here, I wanted to give this back to you." I held out the gift awkwardly.
"You haven't even opened it yet?" He asked, frowning deeply.
"I didn't think it would be right to accept it."
"Keep it. I don't want it." He replied, dejectedly.
"Edward-" I began to argue.
"Please. Just keep it. I want you to have it." He sounded exhausted.
I sighed, dropping my hand to my side. We stood there for a moment in uncomfortable silence. "I should go." I whispered.
I tiptoed past him, making my way down the hallway, passing the kitchen and reaching for the door.
"What about the assistant position?" He asked.
I stood facing the door, unwilling to turn around to face him. "I'll get by. I've done it before." With that, I severed our last tie. "Goodbye, Edward." I spoke to the door, unable to look back and see the pain of his expression.
I stepped out of the apartment, closing the door and leaning back against it as the weight of the world crushed me.
I walked down the steps, making it to the safety of my car before the tears came.
What had I been thinking, starting this thing with him?
It hadn't been right, and I tried to console myself with the notion that I was doing the right thing now.
But I knew, from years of experience, that the right thing was often the hardest thing to do.
I pretty much kept to myself for the remainder of the week. Besides my daily calls with Sarah, I sent Ali and Jake's calls to voicemail, simply unable to make polite conversation. I tried to put their mind at ease by texting that I was busy and would call them back later.
Saturday's bridal shower was a hard reminder of how much of the hard work Edward had taken on for me. Having not done any of the heavy lifting for over a month left me a little worse for wear at the end of the night. I popped a couple of Tylenol's, trying to avoid switching back to the Percocet until it was absolutely necessary.
It was rainy Sunday, perfectly fitting the funk I was in.
I curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee, just watching the rain fall beyond the living room window when Alice called.
I sent it to voicemail, still not up to talking about it. I huffed in exasperation a moment later when my phone chimed.
"Why have you been avoiding me all week?" She texted.
"I'm not avoiding you, Alice, I'm just not up for talking right now." I typed back.
Her reply came quickly. "I'm worried about you. What's going on?"
Knowing she wouldn't drop it till I told her, I texted her that I broke things off with Edward.
Her response was instantaneous. "Oh, Bella. Why?" I could almost hear the disappointment in her tone.
"I don't really want to talk about it."
When my phone chimed again, I shut it off in a huff, frustrated that she didn't know how to take "no" for an answer.
I unrolled from my blanket burrito, and placed my coffee back on the kitchen counter before going back to bed, where I slept to the sound of the rain beating against my bedroom window.
Monday was a new day. For the first time in a week, I woke up feeling good.
Resolved.
I'd made my mind up and was ready to move on with my life.
After my morning cup of coffee, I made a call to Charlotte, the young girl I'd interviewed who had seemed the second best fit for the assistant position.
"Hello?" She answered in a soft, sweet, youthful voice.
"Good morning. May I speak to Charlotte, please?" I replied in my most professional tone.
"This is Charlotte."
"Hi Charlotte. This is Bella Swan, with Eclipse Events. Do you have a moment to talk?"
"Oh, hi Bella! Of course! How are you doing?" She asked excitedly.
"I'm wonderful, thanks for asking. And you?"
"I'm great. What's up?" She asked, so hyper that she almost sounded breathless.
"Well, that assistant position has opened back up and I was wondering if you might still be available and interested?" I asked, hopeful.
"Oh my God, yes! Of course I'm interested."
We chatted for about twenty minutes, about the position, my upcoming schedule and simply catching up on what had been going on since we last spoke.
"Thank you so much for considering me. I promise, you won't regret it."
We made arrangements to meet at the Carver Café on Thursday to sign the necessary documents to finalize the process.
I knew she wouldn't be able to handle the brunt of the work like Edward had, but I didn't need a workhorse, I just needed a partner so that I wouldn't have to spread myself so thin.
I followed up my morning phone call by picking up some tacos and heading to the University to see Alice. I regretted my behavior and knew I needed to make amends before she became too upset with me.
I walked up to her office door, embossed with the name "Prof. Alice Whitlock" on the glass, and knocked softly before peeking inside.
"Bella!" Alice announced, a little surprised to see me.
"Hey. I brought lunch – you hungry?" I asked bashfully with my body halfway-in and halfway-out of the office.
"Depends." She folded her arms and pursed her lips, looking angry. "What did you bring?"
"I brought you tacos." I pulled out, poking my arm into the doorway to show her the paper bag from Fyabes Mexican Cuisine.
Her eyes lit up. "You had me at tacos. C'mon in."
I wandered in, closing the door behind me before planting myself in a hard wooden chair and placing the bag on the desk.
"So, what made you decide to stop by?" She asked.
"I owe you an apology." I said blatantly. "I know you went through a lot to plan the party for me, and I haven't been very grateful. I'm sorry."
"Thanks." She said, tilting her head to bite into a taco. "Want to talk about what happened with Edward."
I sighed, focusing a little more intently than necessary on unwrapping the wax paper from my own meal. "I don't really know what to say about it."
"What happened after he left the party?" She prompted.
"He gave me a gift, but said he never should have come."
Alice pouted at me.
"I just couldn't handle it, Ali. I couldn't handle everyone seeing me with him."
"What's so wrong with them seeing you happy?"
"It's not that. I just don't think I'll ever be able to get over his age, ya know?"
"So, it's over?" She asked, looking disappointed.
"Yeah. I ended things on Tuesday."
She sighed, putting down her taco. "Why didn't you talk to me about this? You didn't have to deal with this alone."
"I was afraid you'd try to talk me out of it. But, I know it's the right thing."
She nodded. "You're right. I probably would have at least tried." She sipped her soda. "I just liked seeing you both so happy. How are you doing?"
"I'm not going to lie, last week was a little miserable, but I'm doing better today."
"Good. I'm glad you're doing better."
I nodded. "I am. It was the right thing to do, Al."
"Are you sure?" She asked, her eyes imploring me.
"Yeah. It was definitely the right thing."