She kissed me hard, and long enough that I could taste more of her in my mouth than myself. I dug my fingernails into her shoulders, because I had learned that every time I did, she pressed her hips harder against mine.
If she weren't careful, I would draw blood soon.
Her hands smoothed up my sides, sending shivers across my skin when she passed the sensitive spots. And finally, one hand stole around my back, reaching for the clasp of my bra.
Her lips left mine for the hollow of my neck, Her chin, once again covered the top of my breasts.
I arched up toward her at the same moment that the snaps on my bra came undone. The cold air hardened my nipples into little buds, and I ached for her to touch me. She said once that we could own each other, and I wanted nothing more in that moment. Lisa kissed down between my breasts, her cheeks grazing slightly across the swells. I dug my fingernails in again, and her hips pressed down at the same moment that she took one breast into her hand and the other into her mouth. Something sparked beneath my skin, and I moaned, bucking up against her in response.
She rolled one nipple between her fingers, and the other she squeezed lightly between her teeth, and I could feel darkness creeping in on my vision.
Words streamed from my mouth, some familiar, some not.
The last of which was, "I love you."
She rose up off me with a grin. "If I'd known it was that easy to get you to admit how you feel, I would have done this a long time ago."
My brain was beyond responding with words. Instead my hands found her belt. I unbuckled it, and then flicked open the button to her jeans.
Her cheeky smile was gone now.
Slowly, I pulled down her zipper, and the sound alone made a moan rise in my throat. I pushed her jeans and boxers down together. When she pulled back to shuck her pants off completely, I took the moment to slip my panties down and off, and grab a condom from my drawer.
When she looked up, she froze for a second in shock, as if she just now realized how serious I was. She shook it off quickly, and swooped in for a kiss.
"You know I love you, right?"
"I do." I told her. I don't think I could have done it if I didn't know that. That was what I'd needed. That's what made the fear, the nerves bearable.
She kissed me again, and her fingers found my entrance. She slipped two inside at the same time that her tongue met mine. She started slowly, then her kisses sped up along with her fingers. I squeezed her shoulders, my fingernails scraping lightly, and was rewarded with a crooking of her fingers inside me.
I moaned, breaking our kiss.
Her lips returned again to my chest, placing feather light kisses everywhere she could reach. I could feel a pressure building low in my core, and I pulled her head back up to mine. She pressed her forehead against mine, our lips touching, but not kissing, then her palm pressed down against me, and an explosion ignited beneath my skin. Like a string of fireworks, my world detonated into bursts of light and color.
The world was coming together and crumbling to pieces behind my closed eyes, and my mouth was still open in a silent scream. I felt her kiss below my ear, and I reached for her, wrapping my arms around her middle.
The length of her pressed against me, and my whole body shuddered in response.
"Are you sure?" She asked me again.
My brain didn't know how to play it cool at the moment, so I said, "Please, God, yes."
There was a pinching sensation, not pleasant, but the rest of my body was too relaxed to really think too much of the pain. She kissed me as she pushed inside, then broke off with a groan.
"Oh God, Jennie."
Her whole body was tense above me. I could see the pronounced lines of her flexed muscles in her shoulders, in the arms braced on either side of me. I could feel it in the warm chest pressed against mine. I distracted myself from the pain by following those lines with my eyes and hands.
After a few moments, she took a deep breath and gazed at me. She soothed me first with her lips, and then with whispers of "love" and "beautiful" and "perfect."
She stilled completely once she was inside, crushing her lips against mine. My limbs felt a bit like Jell-O, so I just wrapped myself around her, holding her as tightly as I could.
She pulled out, just a little, before pushing back in.
I breathed out sharply, biting my lip against the twinge of pain.
Lisa's lips captured that bottom lip between her own, soothing, careful.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
I nodded, not sure I could speak.
"Do you need me to stop?"
I shook my head. That wasn't what I wanted at all. I wanted her to feel what I'd felt earlier. I wanted to hold her as she came apart in my arms.
She repeated the action, and this time, it wasn't so much pain as discomfort.
"Keep going," I whispered.
Lisa burrowed her head into the curve of my neck, dragging her mouth over my pulse point as she pushed in and out again. The next time I was coherent enough to tip my hips upward to meet her halfway. Her response was a groan that I felt all the way down to my toes.
Her mouth memorized the skin of my neck and shoulders as we developed a rhythm between us. Something pushed and pulled inside of me, and each time our skin connected, I felt the pressure build a little bit more. Her hand cupped my breast, and I felt the pleasure snake down my middle to the place where our bodies met.
I wrapped my legs around her hips and pulled her farther into me. Her rhythm stuttered for a moment, her eyes closed, and she was beautiful as she tried to hold herself together.
My whole world was expanding in the circle of her arms.
She started moving again after a moment, and this time she reached a hand between us. I'd worry about how she got to be so good at this later, but for now I was too busy reaping the benefits. I was so close, and every muscle in me was clenched tight. I dug my fingernails into her shoulder one final time, my favorite new trick, and her hips snapped forward.
"Jennie," She ground out.
I just wrapped my legs tighter against her, and rolled my hips upward. Her head dropped to my neck, her breath hot against my skin. She thrust forward again so hard that my whole body shifted and pleasure poured through my body so fast that my vision went spotty. Her body stilled against mine, her face still pressed into my neck, her arms cradling me. I lifted her face to mine, watching as her eyes clenched shut and her mouth fell open, and her whole body shuddered over mine.
When her eyes opened, they were still dark, but focused on me. She pressed a kiss to my forehead, then each cheek, and finally my lips.
"I love you," we said together.
She slipped out of me, and I immediately reached for her, missing her, missing the way we fit together. She settled beside me and gathered me in her arms. I laid my head onto her chest, where I could hear her heartbeat. It was just as fast as mine. She laced our fingers together, and pressed her cheek into the top of my hair.
It was perfect.
I was full of perfect moments today.
And I wasn't sure if what I said next would make it more so or ruin everything, but I'd found that not thinking too much worked well with Lisa. When my breathing calmed, I said, "I looked at apartments in Philadelphia."
"You did?"
I nodded, still unsure what she was thinking.
"I know we still haven't talked about this," I began. "But I've been doing some thinking, and I've decided I do want to focus on acting, not stage management, and since I can't afford New York, Philly seems like a pretty good place. I mean, I haven't made any final plans. I've only done some research. You know, looked at some theatres, upcoming auditions, apartments, and day jobs, that kind of thing. But if you don't think it's a good idea, I don't have to—"
"Stop right there, crazy talker."
This was an awful idea. I'd just ruined a great moment… like I always did. Seriously, I was going to invent some kind of machine to shock me or punch me in the face whenever I did shit like this. It would be like conditioning, and maybe eventually I'd learn to shut the hell up. Her hand found my jaw, and titled my face up toward hers. Her thumb grazed my lip, and her eyes gazed into mine.
"I think you would love Philly," she told me.
The light was shining again in the form of her smile, and I relaxed into her arms.
"But don't worry about researching apartments. You can stay with me while you look for a place."
Her face was carefully constructed—the lines smooth, her lips closed and resting somewhere close to a smile. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and said, "Really?"
"And if you don't find a place you like, you can always decide to just stay with me permanently."
I reached up, and brushed her hair back from her forehead so that I could see her eyes. "Are you asking me to move in with you? I can't tell. You're usually much more direct than that."
She smiled. "That was me attempting to ask you to move in with me without scaring you off. Did it work?"
I said, "I'm not scared."
And I meant it.