Author's Note: I knew this one was coming, but not how it would play out. But I love how it did. Hope you enjoy it, too.
Dina strolls down Lauder Street casually, taking her time. It's about midday, and already warm, but the sun is bright and several of the stores on this street have hung up jars and vases of flowers in front of the buildings. Probably because Heather's flower shop is on the corner. It had inspired Dina, so she bought a bouquet and laid it on top of the basket of fruits she was bringing home.
It's extra Summery, Dina decides. She knows she's being whimsical, and she loves it.
She thinks of Ellie and feels guilty for a second. Dina's life is really good these days, but even though she's back in Jackson, Ellie's only halfway there. If that. Tonight will be the third day since Dina saw Ellie. She chews her lip. It could be a good sign, but she should invite her over for dinner, just in case. Remind her she's welcome.
JJ is with his grandparents. She drops him off pretty regularly there. When he was a baby, she was almost afraid to do it. Now she's relieved every time. She loves that guy with all her heart, but little boys, it turns out, will take everything they can get from their mothers. It's nice to have a few hours to herself. Hence her taking her time.
Even old Reginald hung up a vase of different color roses in front of his gun shop. Old man likes to act salty, but Dina had seen him with his granddaughter at the playground. Everyone has a soft side, she decides.
Right as she's passing his shop, someone comes out the front door. They turn, surprised to see Dina, and when Dina sees who it is, the Summery feeling evaporates.
Abby's got a sack hanging on one arm, and she's clutching a cloth-wrapped bundle in the other. Her eyes are wide, lips parted slightly to show her lower teeth, but other than that, her face is blank.
Dina lingers for a few seconds, but she's still the first to recover. "Abby," she says simply. "I heard you were in town."
"Yeah," Abby replies ineloquently.
"I've actually been meaning to talk to you."
For such an intimidating presence, it's really easy to tell when Abby is nervous. "Yeah…" She glances around. "Yeah, we probably should."
"Is now a good time?"
"Time?" Abby seems confused, distracted. "Uh… now is fine, but… can we talk somewhere less… exposed?"
Dina considers her. "Sure, over here." Dina leads Abby to the alley right next to Reginald's. It's fairly clean, shaded from the sun, and almost never gets foot traffic. She stops a few feet inside.
Abby has followed her, but she actually seems scared. Dina had actually wondered for an instant if it was safe to be alone with Abby. This is not the reaction she would have expected. She was worried they would end up yelling at each other, but that feels unlikely at the moment. She wants to know what Abby is thinking. She starts light.
"So you came to town with Ellie, and the boy, right?" Dina asks.
"Lev, yeah. Did Ellie tell you everything?"
"Well, I don't think Ellie ever really tells me everything, but she told me about her journey to Catalina, and Sacramento, and how you all came back here together. I—"
Dina stops, because something passes Abby's face and she looks away.
"What is it?"
Abby's brow is knitted. She looks at Dina. Her cheek pinches slightly. "I'm not sure how Ellie told it to you…" She looks at the ground and cocks her head. "And I know I thought about how it could have gone differently. What I could have done differently." She starts to grimace and then seems to make a decision. "But we really couldn't have seen it coming. With Clint. Was just—" She winces again. "Was just bad."
Dina is taken aback. She's scarcely been thinking of him. And what she hadn't expected; Abby obviously cares, that he died. Thinking about it again, it makes sense… she would have gotten to know him—
"I was surprised, too, when Ellie said we could come with her to Jackson."
Dina snaps out of it. "Why did you want to?"
Abby frowns, hesitant. "Honestly, it's about Lev. It's Lev."
"What about Lev?"
"It sounded like somewhere he could be happy." A dark feeling passes over Abby's face, recoil at something ugly. "What happened, with his family… I had to do something. I have to watch out for him."
"Okay," says Dina. "I accept that."
Abby takes a breath. She seems to be summoning willpower. "Are you alright with us being here?"
Dina retracts her head. That was direct. Well, if Abby is going to be forthright. "I guess I'm working on that part."
There's chagrin on Abby's face, but she starts nodding. Dina may as well say it.
"Abby, I believe the last time we saw each other, we were trying to kill each other."
Abby actually winces and looks away, a haunted look coming over her.
"But listen." Abby looks up as Dina continues. "Let's put words to it, we were both defending ourselves, and I was defending Ellie. I came to—" Now it's Dina's turn to screw up her face. There's still shame, down there. She speaks up, quieter. "I came to Seattle with Ellie to kill you. I agreed to that. But I never really wanted to."
Abby stares.
"And I guess in the end, Ellie didn't either."
Abby's look lingers. Dina senses understanding. Still, Abby's eyes find the ground. "Doesn't excuse what I did."
"Yes, but you were defending yourself." It doesn't feel good to say, but it was true. That was only being fair.
Abby meets her eyes again, incredulous. "That's not what I meant."
Dina tries to piece that out but it doesn't make sense. "What do you mean?"
"I was talking about after I knocked you out."
Now Dina stares. "What?"
Abby's confused for a second, then her eyes go wide. "Ellie never told you."
Dina frowns. "What happened after you knocked me out?"
Abby goes pale and half turns. She's so scared. Dina's starting to get scared, too. What had Ellie hidden from her?
Abby puts the bundle under her other arm and runs her fingers over her lips. "Shit," she mutters. "I was just—" She shuffles her feet. "I wasn't—" She cuts herself off again and this time turns all the way around. Her shoulders are hunched.
Dina's a little freaked out. It must be really bad, but Abby is right, whatever she's talking about, Ellie never said one word about it to Dina. Ellie just said Abby told her she never wanted to see her again and left with the kid.
"There's not going to be a good way to say it," Abby says. Her voice sounds heavy. She turns around. The look in her eyes sinks right into Dina's gut.
"You remember, right? That Winter was… was really hard. Frankly, I wasn't in a good place before Ellie showed up." Abby's eyes search the ground, remembering. "Then all my friends started dying.
"I was at the battle, on the island." She looks at Dina. "Which, you probably don't even know about that, but it was hell. I got back to the aquarium, and found Owen and Mel in pools of their own blood." She looks up, and Dina realizes she's looking for confirmation.
Dina nods sharply. "Yeah. I know."
"I found a map there, that Ellie had lost. I followed it to the theater. I wasn't thinking. I knew there was going to be blood and I didn't care. I felt like—" Abby flexes her arm. "I felt like I was in the right, almost like—" She turns her head sharply. She grits her teeth, and continues. "Then we started fighting, and it all came out. I hated Ellie so much. I've never been so angry in my life. I wasn't ready, after Mel…"
Dina doesn't know what's going through Abby's mind but she's almost unaware of her. Her face contorts in some kind of anguish.
"I just wanted to hurt her," Abby continues, voice breaking, "I just wanted to hurt her as badly as I could. So I… after you were unconscious I took you and I put my knife to your throat." The burning anger Dina had started to sense is turning into something else. Something that is burning Abby, inside. "I put my knife on your throat in front of Ellie. That's when she told me, you were pregnant, like Mel. And I," she stumbles but she forces herself to continue, "I was going to do it anyway."
Every muscle in Dina's body is taut. "Then why am I still alive?" Dina's voice sounds distant to herself.
"Because Lev stopped me, thank God. Because he's better like that. Always better. And I came back to my senses. And I put you down and told Ellie I never wanted to see her again, and we left." Abby's more or less held it together, but she's breathing fast. "That's what happened."
Dina feels off balance. She's feels dizzy. She can't stop thinking about JJ. His face is front and center in her mind. It wasn't until the next day, shoulder bandaged in bed, Tommy a few feet away, Ellie tending to her, and hours after that, that she had rubbed her belly and realized she had put the baby in danger.
"And I am sorry," says Abby. "I guess that's all I can say. Sometimes I think about Ellie, and the fact that Mel—" She stops herself, thinking it over, she shakes her head. "And I'm glad I didn't. And I'm just sorry. That's it."
Suddenly, it's easy to understand why Abby had been so scared. Dina should forgive her, probably. Is that right? She can't really think straight.
"Abby, would you like to come by my place at three?" Dina finds herself saying.
Abby's nonplussed. "What?"
"Not for dinner, or anything, just for a visit." It starts to fall together in Dina's mind. "You should bring Lev."
"Uh… I…" Abby's incredulous, but she seems to sense that it matters. "I suppose. We can come. Will Ellie be there?"
"She doesn't need to be."
"Can she be?"
That Dina did not expect. She thinks for half a second. "Sure. I'll see you then."
With that, Dina walks around Abby and out of the alley. She's aware that that was downright strange, but she doesn't know how else to be right now and really she needs space to think about what just happened.
She walks past Parker's leather shop. The roses she's hung are yellow.
Abby shifts her weight again, rubbing her pant leg. Dina's street is one of the ones with dirt roads. Sand blows around in the wind now and then. It's pretty much deserted at the moment, but for her and Lev.
"We'll be late pretty soon, Abby," says Lev. "It might be three right now."
"I don't think that's the main concern." They're standing just on the other side of a fence from Dina's house, a few more steps and they'll be visible.
"I understand that you're nervous, but this doesn't need to go badly," says Lev. He's wearing the nicest button up shirt he'd gotten since they came to town, and some shorts. Looking cute, as always. "When Dina invited you earlier, did you get sinister vibes?"
"What?" Abby asks. "Sinister? No, it was just… I told you, Lev, it was just weird."
"This whole thing is kind of weird, but that doesn't make it impossible."
"It's a lot, for one day."
"It is, but that doesn't make it impossible."
"Okay, but you are." Finally, Abby gathers her nerves and walks out around the fence.
Dina hadn't give her address, so Abby had asked Fred at the candy store. He was right, her door is really salmon pink. Abby climbs a couple white painted wooden steps onto the porch, then knocks on the door. Ellie answers it.
"Took you long enough. Dale almost ate all the cookies."
"To that, I object," comes a voice from in the house. "And I baked the cookies, so…"
"Have any trouble finding it?" Ellie asks. Abby can tell she's trying to settle the mood, and she's thankful.
"Hard to miss," Abby says, gesturing to the door as she steps in.
"Yeah," says Ellie, "trust me, if I lived here…" She makes a no way face at Lev, who smiles. The smile disappears pretty quick, though. Abby can tell he's nervous, too.
A blonde man walks into the entry area. He thrusts his hand out to Abby. "Dale." It's a little silly.
Abby shakes his hand. "Abby."
"Lev."
"I'm sorry, you said Lev? I've never met a Lev."
"It's short for Levijah."
"Wow, that's a great name."
Dina walks in from the kitchen. Whatever she's feeling, she's wearing a smile. "Thanks for coming. Sweetie, can you sit everyone in the living room? Tea's almost ready."
"Sure," Dale replies.
"Abby," Dina says while the others move to the other room.
Abby looks up with apprehension. Dina approaches until she's close.
"First thing's first," she says. Her eyes are sober. "I forgive you. I just needed some time to think about everything. I know that stuff wasn't easy to say."
"Okay," says Abby, voice dry. "Thank you."
"Come here for a second." Abby follows Dina into the kitchen. There's a tray with tea cups and cookies. "Can you take this to the others?" Abby nods and picks up the tray, feeling a little absurd. "And can you send Lev in here?"
Abby looks up sharply.
Dina reads her for a second. "Don't worry, I'm not going to be rough with him. You know we need to talk, too."
"Right," says Abby.
She sets the tray down on the coffee table. Dina's house is kind of idyllic. It's like Jackson. Weird.
They're already talking about Lev's new job.
"And Mrs. Downy invites me in for tea every day. And I would, but on the first day I was late and I got in trouble."
"Well yeah, your boss is Ortez," says Ellie, eating some kind of cookie. "Guy's annal about, what's the word, punctuality, or whatever."
"Yes, but—" Lev starts.
"Lev." He looks Abby's way and she gestures with her head into the kitchen.
He perks up. "Oh… excuse me." He gets up and walks out of the room.
Abby's eyes follow him out of the room. From her seat, she can just see a slice of the kitchen around the corner. Dina turns around from the sink at Lev's arrival. She has a considering look.
"Abby?" says Ellie.
Abby makes a renewed effort to act something like normal, and picks up a cup of tea. It's nice, dark blue ceramic, but it's chipped.
"So Abby," says Dale. "You were a Firefly, right? I gotta ask now, Dina doesn't like war stories and the like too much."
"So you gotta ask now?" Ellie replies with a little smirk. "Don't want to get in trouble?"
Dale gives her a look. "Look, a wise man knows to keep his wife happy."
"Whoa, seriously, Dale?" says Ellie, giving Abby a look like that was unexpected.
Abby looks again to see Dina gesture to her shoulder, where Lev's arrow had struck. Lev starts gesticulating in response.
"What?" replies Dale. "Oh, come on, Ellie, I'm not talking about that."
Abby half smiles. "My dad used to say the same thing." She swirls her tea. "A long time ago."
Ellie picks up her own glass of tea. She's still smiling, but her eyes tell a different story.
"Was your dad a Firefly, too?" Dale asks.
The last of Ellie's smile disappears.
"He was," says Abby. "He was killed during a misunderstanding. Mom died when I was young."
Ellie's eyes find Abby's, showing quiet relief and thanks.
"Oh," says Dale, his sails slackening. "I'm sorry."
"No worries," says Abby. "It was like that for a lot of us there. We've all been through it. Shit, I'm sure you know. No one gets off scot free, not in this world."
"For now," Ellie says quietly. Dale doesn't seem to notice.
"Yeah… I bet there's a lot of camaraderie, in that."
"Cama—" Abby could almost laugh. "Yeah, you could say that."
Dina's close to Lev now, looking down at him. She's not angry, just serious. She says something quietly and Abby can read her lips.
She said you're the one who stopped her.
"You know," says Dale, "I always admired the Fireflies. It's like, it's like there was one group of people who were doing the only right thing they could. In spite of all odds, and opposition. I never understood why so many people hated them."
"Cause we're terrorists, remember? Revolutionaries, hostile militants, whatever nonsense FEDRA is spewing that week. FEDRA made us an enemy because we refused to be controlled."
Dale nods. "That's about right. I spent twelve years in Sioux City, under FEDRA."
"Miss it much?"
"Never," Dale replies. "So what's it like in the Fireflies?"
"Not so bad," Abby says. "Lot of work. It's military, you get used to orders. It can be tough, lots of rules. Not," she emphasizes to Ellie, "like the WLF, though. It's an idealist organization. If at any point it had come under the leadership of…" Abby gestures. "Not an idealist, it could have gotten bad, but it never did." She looks up at Ellie. "And wouldn't you know it, a quarter century and a lot of fighting later, we made a cure."
"Yeah," Dale looks excited, but it's muted by something. "That's so wild. I remember when Ellie told us she was going, Dina didn't want her to. Dangerous, I mean, she wasn't wrong. But something like a cure? I took Ellie's side, remember that?"
Ellie shakes her head, smiling. "I remember."
There's movement in the corner of her eye, and Abby looks over to see Lev climbing the stairs behind Dina. He smiles at her, bringing relief. Where are they going?
"How long will it take to get here?" says Dale. "Ellie said they're pumping it out, right?"
Trying not to think about Lev for a second, Abby thinks. "Essentially, but it's impossible to say. They've got to transport it, which is tricky on its own, since it can't get too warm. Months at least, until Jackson sees any, probably." An idea pops into her mind. "Actually, Ellie, I was thinking about that. What do you think about talking to Maria about sending a truck up their way? Could get it a lot faster that way, probably. You need some kind of refrigeration, though—"
"Look who's awake!" comes Dina's voice. Abby turns to see Lev taking the last step of the stairs into the room, carrying a three year old boy. "He just woke up, but he's winding up pretty quick."
Lev bounces him on his hip, obviously loving it. The little boy has a fist in one of his eyes, rubbing away the sleep. He stares at Lev's face with fascination.
Abby's gut is cold, limbs stiff.
"What is his name again?" says Lev.
"JJ," says Dina. She looks up at Abby. There's no anger in her eyes, no spite, no hatred. Just meaning. But when she meets Abby's eyes, they change. Surprise, then concern tinges her features.
"He is very heavy," says Lev to JJ. "I would say he is at least three years old!"
JJ smiles. He reaches out and starts grabbing at Lev's face.
Lev pretends to be confounded. "No! That's my face!"
"JJ," says Dina in a motherly tone, shooting glances at Abby, "don't grab, now, come on."
"Abs?" It's Ellie's voice. She's wearing a smile at the performance, but her eyes are narrowed. She makes a subtle pushing-down gesture, as if to say it's alright, chill out.
"I'm not really good with…" Abby mumbles.
"But I'm not the only new person!" says Lev. He looks down. "Look, Abby's here, too!"
Distracted, JJ looks down and finds Abby's face, his fascination renewed. Now that Lev is looking at her, he looks concerned, too. JJ reaches out for her.
Abby stands up automatically, not sure what to do.
"It's alright," says Dina, "you don't have to hold him or anything. He just likes seeing new faces."
Abby nods uncomfortably.
Lev walks closer so that Abby is within JJ's reach. He holds his hand up by her face, making grabbing gestures but not touching her. He looks round her face in wonder.
Wailin was the same age, back in Seattle. Abby never worked with kids, but she saw him around. She liked him. He had big moppy blonde hair. JJ's hair is jet black, long and wavy. His eyes are dark, too. His skin is smooth, smoother than anything. He's beautiful.
JJ notices something down by her neck. He reaches and grabs the chain around it. He lifts her dad's dog tag out of her shirt and pulls it toward him, yanking the chain around the back of her neck.
"JJ, let go of that!" says Dina, but JJ pays her no mind. He seems to like the way it shines. He lifts it in the air, pulling her again. As it turns in the light, she can see Anderson, Jerry stamped into it.
"Help," is all she can manage.
Ellie stands up but Dina moves the fastest. "JJ, you need to let go." The chain is wrapped around his little fist. He looks at his mom, frowning at the interruption. Dina's hands are on the chain, trying to untwine it from his grip.
Abby's right hand is shaking. She keeps seeing her dad, hearing her dad. Then he's on the operating room floor in a pool of blood. Then she's with Joel. All she can hear is screaming. Then Mel is calling her a piece of shit from the blood soaked ground.
"JJ, let go. You need to let go!" Dina is becoming more frantic.
"No!" he cries defiantly.
"Abby," says Ellie, "it's alright, he just doesn't get personal space."
Lev is nervous too. He's holding JJ but he can't do anything. If this keeps up any longer, Abby is going to start crying, or flip out.
She can feel how tightly she gripped Dina's ponytail in her hand, and the way the cold steel pressed against her throat.
Finally, mercifully, Dina is able to pull the chain out of the grip of his little hand, and Abby is free.
"I'm sorry," she manages, "I have to go."
She moves around the others in the room and goes straight for the door, not even waiting for Lev.
"Abby, hold on!" says Ellie.
Abby pushes out of the door and strides out into the street. Thank God, no one is around.
She starts walking, and she doesn't stop for some time. It helps a lot. She focuses on her breathing and the tumult starts to recede. A few people glance her way, but she's left alone. It's Friday and the atmosphere of the city is lively. People will start gathering down at the saloons soon. The sun is dipping and the light is more orange now.
She can't stay out here forever. Just a bit longer. She enters an alley, not really going anywhere, just walking. Lev's probably going to be mad, she—
"Abby."
She stops and turns around. Ellie's there. "You followed me this whole time?"
"Yeah." Ellie walks up to her, casual. "That was a lot, huh?"
"Are you kidding?" Abby turns around again, putting a hand on her forehead. "Look, I'm sorry, I just… I don't know what I was expecting."
"Dina wasn't trying to make you feel bad. She felt like it would, I don't know, close everything up."
Abby takes a deep breath. "Feels more like it opened everything up."
"Look, she forgave you, right? That's important. And JJ, JJ doesn't need to forgive you. He doesn't understand, he doesn't need to. You were just a new face to him."
"I know," says Abby.
"So they're past it, then," says Ellie. "Can't you be?"
"Can't I be?" Abby asks. There's a flare of anger, of all things. What, she's dismissing it? Open and shut? Did she forget, what that day was like? What they had done to each other? What Abby had done? Abby clenches her teeth. "Can't I be?" She turns on Ellie, stabbing a finger at her. "Ellie, you're talking to the kind of person who could—"
The words die in her mouth. She stabs her finger one more time. Her face changes, then she pulls her hand back, stiffly. She looks to the side.
Ellie's standing a few feet away, playing with her fingers slowly. Her eyes have a distant look, suddenly.
Abby knows she has to say something. "That's not what I was trying to do."
"Right," says Ellie quietly.
"Ellie…" Abby struggles for words. "Look, it goes both ways, right? Right? You were defending yourself. Mel could have killed you. She could have."
Ellie nods, looking far away. It… it actually hurts Abby, to see Ellie like that.
"You didn't know, Ellie." She really wants her to believe it.
"The second time, I knew."
Confused at first, a spasm goes across Abby's features. "What?"
"With Jenna." Ellie sniffs. "I knew. But I killed her anyway."
Abby doesn't know who she's talking about. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah," says Ellie, as if upbeat, almost. Like they were talking about the menu at the caf today. "But she was bit, so. It was different, I guess."
Ellie plays with her fingers more nervously, wearing a thousand yard stare.
"I didn't have a choice," she finishes quietly.
Abby watches Ellie. Standing there, playing with her remaining fingers. Shrinking. Burning. Slowly being destroyed. Abby sees her, and she knows her, and she hates it, but it's true.
Abby walks forward until Ellie is only a foot away. Ellie looks up, with fear in her eyes, as if ready for a long-awaited retribution.
"Don't make this harder than it needs to be," says Abby.
She reaches up, and gently, but firmly, pulls Ellie into an embrace. The smaller girl doesn't move her arms, doesn't react, she just allows it. Her head rests against Abby's collarbone. They take two breaths together. And then, Abby lets go, and Ellie rocks back on her feet. Ellie doesn't look at her, she's just staring into the distance. With that, Abby turns, and walks away.
At the end of the alley, Abby glances over her shoulder to see Ellie turning around, looking dazed.
Abby looks up, and sees a sign. Edmonton Street. She realizes where she is, and how to get home. Like a real Jacksonian. Lev might be waiting already.
Abby brushes a strand of hair out of her eye, and keeps walking.