Day 94

Shego spent less time in the gym, balancing it with time in the lab in the renewed hope her discovery on the computer had brought her. It gave her something to hold on to, since the overriding emotion of her life was quickly becoming fear. She knew Drakken had been thinking of marriage before finding his mother dead, but...had he changed his mind after?

His behavior toward her certainly seemed to suggest such a turn, which was the source of her fear. The idea that his feelings could have changed so drastically in so short a time was devastating beyond description.

She had to know.

Spending time in the lab was the only way she was going to get an answer, and since he had said he needed her he really had no excuse to put her out. So she had resumed working with him and watched constantly for hints one way or the other about his feelings. And in nearly two days' time, she had learned absolutely nothing.

He would ask—demand, rather—that she help him with something, and she would comply. Sometimes they fell into the familiar pattern of banter back and forth, except his remarks were always trite, and she rapidly found hers departing from playful and leaning into antagonism. And once she got started arguing with him about something, no matter how inane, it was nearly impossible to stop.

It was startlingly easy to get mad at him, and she knew that riling him up against her would accomplish the opposite of what she wanted. So on that second day she spent less time leaning up against his workbench handing him tools and more time sitting in the desk chair near the computer.

It was getting late in the evening and he hadn't asked anything of her in over an hour, so she started reading a medical text she had found with a chapter about pregnancy. It was seriously lacking in semantics, but it gave her useful information.

Suddenly she felt a soft flicking feeling within her abdomen. She dropped the book with a gasp and sat forward.

Drakken turned halfway in his chair and raised his brow at her, his lips still set in a frown like stone.

"What?" he asked with a bit of annoyance.

Shego set a hand over her stomach, glancing down briefly before looking across the room at him with wide eyes. "I...I think I felt the baby move."

He looked startled, and she watched his unyielding look of menace finally soften ever-slightly into something between revelation and curiosity. But before she could speak again he had whirled around to face the workbench, his shoulders dipping in a familiar hunch as he resumed his work.

She held her breath, willing him to turn back to her or say something—anything at all, even for ill, just so she could know.

Minutes passed.

He didn't look at her again.

She sighed and let her gaze fall. She sank sadly back into the chair, resting her other hand below her first as she felt the soft flicking again of the new life moving inside her. She wished... She wished...

Her eyes lifted as she heard Drakken try to stifle a cough, and she saw him lift his face up briefly, apparently staring at the ceiling, before his head dipped low. His hands rose to his face and made a wiping motion outward from beneath his eyes, and then he rubbed his sleeve under his nose as she heard him sniff.

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

Day 95

Shego stood in front of the floor-length mirror in her room wearing only her underwear as she studied her appearance. She had definitely lost weight and muscle mass during her illness, but not nearly as noticeably as Drakken had. Her face and particularly her hands still bore some faint white polka-dot scars from the oleander poisoning. But none of those were what had driven her to the mirror that morning.

She turned to the side and stared. It was there. A small but very firm bump low on her belly. It was so obvious now as she looked at it that she wondered why she hadn't noticed before, since it was clearly not part of her regular weight and body type. But she supposed to the average observer it might just look like she wasn't very fit.

She set her hands lightly over her middle as she idly thought backward, trying to figure out when she had conceived. She and Drakken had slept together four times when she had taken the pregnancy test. Two of those times were far too close to the time she took the test for it to have registered anything, so she could rule them out. It had to have been one of the first two.

She considered the second time. That was the time in the lab... Her heart rate quickened at the memory and her brow furrowed. That had been a bit...reckless. A laser had gone off and nearly brought the ceiling down. She had decided afterwards that they could be adventurous enough without leaving the bedroom.

Actually, that hadn't been the greatest experience.

Shego frowned and left the mirror to put on her robe as the morning chill caused goosebumps to rise over her skin. She thought about the very first time, which had been entirely unique in comparison to everything after, the lab included.

It had started with a kiss... A brief, impulsive peck as he shouted into her face. She had interrupted his rant and snickered at his confused and even more enraged look in the moments immediately following. But her laughter stopped when he had grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall and stared at her.

She remembered the uncertainty... Wondering if they were really going to go that direction... If boss and employee, super-villain and side-kick...were going to slip into the stereotype that she knew everyone assumed about them anyway, that most of the world assumed about any two people in their position.

His rage had subsided as they looked at each other hesitantly, waiting for the other to move first, waiting for permission... Until finally they had moved together, their lips connecting softly and innocently, the touch gentle and illuminating like the first warm ray of light from a sunrise.

The joy that had awoken in her in that moment was a precious memory that she would never forget. She often wondered if he had felt the same.

The innocence hadn't lasted long though as light turned to fire and anger to lust as they had stumbled to his bedroom in a tangle of limbs while they kissed, the war for power already underway. Not once did they try to hurt the other, but used passion as their weapon as they each sought to control their flight together into ecstasy.

No occasion since then had been like it, nor did she think there ever would be. It had been a different kind of communication, as they had acted on the hope of love without any assurance or promise.

They had barely known each other.

They still didn't, she thought sadly. It was only the crisis that had forced them closer together in the last couple of months... Had it really been that long? And even when they had recently talked of their feelings they had been awkward and uncertain.

And now he was distant and angry.

She set her hands on her belly again. She selfishly hoped it was that first time, and not the second, that the baby had been conceived. But there was really no way of knowing, unless there was some medical test that could show for sure. If there was, she didn't know about it, and she doubted Drakken did either.

Maybe he did... But even if not, it couldn't hurt to ask. And the night before...when she told him the baby had moved, she was sure she saw him crying. Maybe this could be an open door to bringing him back from whatever nightmare he was currently living.

She cinched her robe tighter and put on her slippers, then left her room and headed toward the kitchen for breakfast. She needed to get her weight back up, especially for the baby's sake.

When she got there, she remembered from the day before that they had run out of her protein bars. She hadn't opened the fridge in days since Drakken wasn't cooking for her, and had stuck to microwaved frozen meals the rest of the time which were also running low. She supposed another shopping trip was in her near future.

She opened the fridge to see if there was anything easy she could make...and came face to face with a whole flat of strawberries.

She hadn't bought strawberries.

Just then she heard Drakken's familiar step as he entered the kitchen, and she closed the fridge door.

"Dr. D., how did we get strawberries?"

He jumped slightly when she spoke, clearly not having expected to find her there. He looked nervous for just a moment before his face fell into a familiar frown...though not quite as angry and bitter as it had been.

"I forgot to tell you. I recalled the henchmen yesterday. They bought them."

'The henchmen don't shop for us...'

"...Did they also get my protein bars?"

Drakken's brow furrowed. "No."

Shego grimaced slightly and opened the fridge again. There was maybe a swallow of milk left which she would leave for him, some apples and celery in the crisper, and a near-empty jar of pickles.

She closed the door and frowned.

"If they were shopping for us why didn't they get anything but strawberries?"

Drakken's scowl deepened, but Shego found it didn't bother her so much as she worried now about the baby's development. When several seconds passed and he didn't answer, Shego scoffed and turned to go back to her room.

"Okay, just...make me a list and I'll go shopping. We have to eat more than strawberries."

"Shego!"

She turned around, frowning at the partly-angry, partly-affronted look on his face.

"You can't just... What if I need your help in the lab today?"

"Your kid's gotta eat a consistent and healthy diet," she retorted, pointing at her belly.

Drakken's anger slowly faded into irritation and several seconds later he swallowed nervously.

"Fine."

Shego turned again to go get dressed.

"I'll be ready in five minutes."

When Shego got back to the kitchen, respirator in hand, Drakken was still scribbling out the shopping list. As he saw her approaching she noticed his jaw set more firmly and his eyes darken.

"Shego...I don't want you to go out. I want you helping me in the lab today."

"Uh...hello?" Shego said, gesturing broadly at her abdomen. She crossed her arms and scoffed, turning her back to him to lean against the kitchen island. She pinched her eyes shut in frustration with herself.

Why couldn't they just have a normal conversation? Was bickering all they were capable of?

"I'll send some of the henchmen to get groceries," he continued sternly.

Shego turned around. "You want the henchmen...buying our food?"

Drakken blinked and pursed his lips. "No, not really. But I need your help in the lab."

"You haven't needed me since I went out and got your...monkeys and centrifuges and stuff. By the way, are you feeding the animals? They'll eat each other if you don't."

Drakken scowled. "Of course I'm feeding them! And I need you all the time, you're just never around."

Shego's teeth clenched together as she spoke. "I've been sitting in the lab for over a week doing nothing." She took a breath. "And I only started going down to the gym because I was up here doing nothing."

"You don't make yourself useful when you're here," Drakken accused, leaning closer to her over the kitchen island. "You just sit in your chair...reading your fashion magazines and filing your nails."

"Um, excuse me?" she said with a glare, leaning towards him and dropping the respirator on the counter. She felt her body shake as her mind warned her to stop, but the words kept coming anyway. "I have handed you every tool... I have gone out and gotten every scrap of equipment... I even cleaned those disgusting Petri dishes for you—that's hench-work! What more do you want from me?"

Drakken's glare darkened. "For you to care about someone other than yourself for a change!" he shouted.

Shego's brow shot up as he turned and crossed to the other end of the kitchen, harshly yanking open a cupboard.

"Tell me when exactly in the last two months, I have done even one thing for myself," she spat at him.

Apparently not finding what he wanted, he slammed the cupboard closed. He turned back to her sharply with his teeth bared. "How about when you kept me trapped in bed when I was perfectly healthy, and wouldn't let me into the lab, and wouldn't let me work on a vaccine that could prevent millions of deaths? Explain to me how keeping me from doing what I wanted wasn't for you."

Shego crossed her arms. "Newsflash Doc, you aren't perfectly healthy." He proved her point by suddenly coughing into his elbow. "You almost died. And you seemed totally fine with accepting my judgment about everything."

She found herself shaking more with each word she spoke. She wanted to run from the room; to slow time down. He was spouting insanity and she needed to stop and try to figure out some way to get through to him. But he was already facing her again and leaning across the kitchen island.

"You didn't give me any choice! You forced me to disconnect from the whole world!"

Shego knew where the fight was going. Her heart pounded as she realized it was going to get much, much worse before it got better.

"'Disconnect'? We had the TV, my laptop, my cell phone, and there's a landline in your room. Just because you didn't call—"

He snarled and reached for her across the counter, and she easily stepped back out of his reach. Her frown deepened as anger suddenly steamrolled over all her anxiety.

"You wouldn't let me do anything!" he was shouting at her as he started around the kitchen island.

"Drakken!" she growled, and punctuated her next words. "It's not...my...fault!"

He stopped short, his anger wavering as his lower lip trembled and sadness flashed through his eyes.

"If you had let me into the lab... If you didn't...try to control everything I do, and insult me, and make me feel inferior—"

"Are you for real right now?" she scoffed. "Did all that steam in the lab fog up your memory of the last two months? I did your laundry, I made your bed, I literally fed you...I even helped you bathe. You weren't even capable of doing anything until a week ago. You would be dead right now if not for me!"

"Mother would be alive right now if not for you!"

Shego held her ground in the face of his cold and absurd accusation. Suddenly, she felt a sharp pain low on the right side of her abdomen. She gasped and clutched at the spot, her eyes going wide. All thoughts of the argument with Drakken left her mind.

'No...'

The fury in Drakken's eyes lifted as he watched her double over and grip the edge of the kitchen table for support. His expression morphed first into confusion and then into frightened revelation as he took a step back.

Shego's chest heaved as the sharp pain tore at her once more and tendrils of fear sank deep into her heart. She pushed herself up and hugged herself with one arm while her other hand still clutched protectively at her abdomen.

"Excuse me," she said quietly, barely glancing at Drakken as she quickly left the kitchen.

"Shego, I— Um. Do you...? Do you want—"

Her answer was to shoot a flaming green blast at his feet, stopping him where he had taken a step toward her. Scowling, she glanced up at his face. The concern that was now in his eyes was offensive to her, and with a grunt of disgust she ran from the room.

Shego lay on her back atop her bed and stared at the ceiling. The pain was gone, but its phantom remained as she clutched her abdomen and her whole body remained tense in fear.

She didn't know what to do. What if something was wrong?

Tears ran down the sides of her face and fell into her hair.

There was a knock at the door. Shego frowned and ignored it.

After a few seconds the knock came again. Shego closed her eyes tightly and bit the inside of her cheek. He was the last person she wanted to talk to. She would even take her brothers over him.

The knock sounded a third time and then she heard the door slide open. She opened her eyes and narrowed them on the blue face that was peeking inside.

"Go away," she said.

"Are you all right?"

She turned on her side so she wouldn't have to look at him. The gall of him to be concerned now after treating her like trash for over a week... After everything he had said...

"How should I know?" she said bitterly.

"You should probably...um...go to a hospital."

An ironic grimace came over her face. "No."

She heard him step closer. "Why not?"

"Because I like to control everything," she said mockingly.

He stepped closer. "But...the baby..."

She sat up and faced him. "The baby you forgot about for the last week, while you've been busy blaming me for your mother's death?"

Pain and anger filled his eyes as his lower lip trembled. "If I had been in the lab working on a treatment instead of trapped in bed I could have saved her!"

"No, you couldn't. Dr. D..." She took a measured breath and pressed forward, firmly but gently. "She had been dead for weeks when we found her. Even if you had perfected some miracle cure... She probably died about the same time you got sick."

Shego saw the tears begin welling in his eyes in the second before he grunted in annoyance and started pacing the small confines of her room.

"You distracted me," he said weakly, "with all your...get-well treatments, and going and getting lost, and your...your female wiles."

Shego crossed her legs and watched him as he continued talking without actually addressing her, as if his words were a practiced litany designed for his own ears to hear.

"If you hadn't distracted me, I wouldn't have...I wouldn't have..."

Shego took a deep breath. "...You wouldn't have forgotten about her?"

His pacing stopped and his hands became trembling fists at his sides. His shoulders shook and his jaw clenched as his face contorted in pain. Shego stood and slowly approached him as she finally understood. It wasn't her that he blamed at all.

It was himself.

"Drakken."

He didn't look at her. She held her breath and took a chance.

"Drew," she said more gently. He slowly turned his face toward hers. She took another cautious breath. "It's not your fault. You didn't kill her. It's not your fault."

He sniffed once as tears rolled down his cheeks. All semblance of anger was gone as his eyes pleaded with her for help.

She stepped close enough to put her hand on his arm, and she pulled him gently and guided him to sit on her bed. After doing so he fell onto his side and turned his wet face into the blankets and began to sob. She sat down near his head and slowly stroked his hair.

"It's my fault," he cried.

The anguish in his voice tore at her, and again she put aside her own fears.

"No, it's not," she said softly, continuing to stroke his hair. She bent down to kiss his temple. "No it's not."