Love is a teacher's approval.
"Jackie, may I speak with you?" The teacher asked, and she nodded, hanging back as other students made their way out the door. "Your essay, from a few weeks ago, you're the only one who made it not an essay." She smiled, clapping. "And, everyone voted it into the final category!"
Love is proud.
The final category was who got to read a piece aloud at the Arts assembly at the end of the year. She flushed with pride, and smiled. "Thanks, Mrs Henri!"
Love is smiles.
"Of course! Now, I must ask, where the inspiration came up?" She smiled. The question was innocent. "My parents, and my siblings. I'm adopted, so I'm just full of love around me. My friends are pretty cool." She lied cooly, the words slipping off her tongue like melted butter.
Love is protective lies for your heart.
Truth be told, it was mostly about Steven. Three damn weeks, and she hadn't been able to get him out of her head, but she avoided him like the plague. He didn't remember. And if she told him, she didn't know how he would react. She would get breakfast before he would wake up, and would catch rides with Julie Benson, another cheerleader, just to avoid talking to him. She would eat dinner at the Pinciotti's, keeping Donna company while Bob and Midge fought like hell. She would slip up the stairs quietly.
Love is found in yourself.
"I'm glad you found a love like that!" She beamed, stapling a paper. "Excellent, well, have a good weekend, sweetheart!"
She was late to catch a ride with Julie.
Shit.
She trudged to the Vista Cruiser, groaning to find Steven, and just Steven, leaning on the hatchback, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and his head bowed. He eyed her out of her peripheral, and nodded in her direction.
Love is station wagon bench seats.
"What's up, Buela?" He nodded at her, puffing on the cancer stick, and blowing it in her face. She grimaced, but she deserved the burn. She had turned into a ghost, and just stopped coming around. "Ride ditch you?" He grumbled, a frown stapled to his mouth, sunglasses masking what was, no doubt, a stony expression formed by unanswered questions.
Love is hidden emotions.
She ignored it, leaning against the Vista Cruiser's hatchback, her pale pjnk fingernails clutching her arm as she shivered.
Three weeks ago she would have been offered his jacket.
Love is found in denim jackets.
Now she was forced to marinate in silence.
"I-" She cut herself off, chewing the inside of her lip, and playing with her fingers. It was nearing December, and it was freezing. She huffed, breath coming out in a cloud, and silenced her thoughts.
"What's buggin' you, short stack?" He asked, gruffly. It was rude, but he asked. She took what she could get.
Love is unanswered questions.
"Are you sure you don't remember what happened the night I took you home from the bar?" She asked, and he furrowed his brows.
"Did I do something wrong?" He stumbled over his words, surprised.
"No, just..." She trailed off. Jason came up behind her. "I don't know how to say it, because I haven't quite come to terms with it either."
"Come to terms with what?" Jason asked, making her jump a mile, hand over her chest. "What the fuck, man?" She gasped, looking at him.
"Jacks, are you good?" He placed a hand on her shoulder, and she swallowed, with a small nod. She was geeked out about it then, and even now still. And now, she wants to know what his lips feel like on other things.
"No, yeah, I'm cool. Zen. Excellent." She babbled, and Steven raised an eyebrow. "I don't know who taught you Zen, Doll, but that ain't it."
Doll.
Love is Zen.
Her heart raced, and her face flushed, and she felt like she was shrinking. "Eric!" She cried in relief, when she saw him and Donna, sauntering over hand in hand, and into his embrace. "Yeah?" He raised an eyebrow.
"What the hell has her all twirly?" Jason squinted, searching for abnormal behaviors other than language.
"I think I said something the night Eric and I got shitty with Red." He crinkled his nose, stomping out the end of his cigarette. He shrugged. "She won't tell me, so, I don't know, man."
Love is frantic.
The ride home was all too silent, save for the sound of Jackie's jeans scraping together, as she shook her leg, the one that she tried desperately not to let touch Steven, who she was nearly smushed into, in order to avoid Kelso's hands.
Love is avoidance.
She sighed, leaning back into the middle seat. Laurie had been acting strange, so she couldn't ask her opinion. Especially based on her track record with men. Donna would probably try and meddle her into a relationship with him.
Love is filled with I told you so's.
Love is frantic.
Entering the kitchen, she was surprised to see her mother home so quick. The past two weeks had been full of TV dinners, and Red's threats of putting feet in asses. The only time she really had peace was when everyone went to a dancing club in Kenosha, and she didn't go, faking a headache.
She didn't go because she was fumbling with feelings of confusion.
"Hi, kids!" She laughed, mixing brownies, and pointing to the man sitting at the kitchen table. "This is Professor Brown. He's going to help Laurie get back into school!"
He waved awkwardly, and chewed his lip.
Alarm bells instantly rang in Jackie's head. Forgetting about Steven momentarily, and raising an eyebrow. "Laurie didn't tell me about any professors." She told her mother, ignoring the man at the table. Laurie and her had basically been attached at the hip the last few weeks, aside from her pulling at Kelso's strings. Staying up late, fashion advice, secrets told. She knew all about college, all about the escapades she had during her drug induced haze. About how she was uncomfortable walking into the bars. About how she wanted so desperately to make it go away, that urge. "It's her psychology professor." Jackie didn't believe him.
Love is protecting your siblings.
Laurie didn't take Psych. She was going to school for Dental Assisting. Alarm bells got louder, and she stormed up the stairs. "Laurie!" She called, not even knocking, just barging into the shared bedroom. She was mid sob-session.
"Get out!"
"Who is that guy?" She ignored her sister's harsh tone slapping against her face
"Get. Out." She repeated, with a harsh tone, yet wavering voice. She sounded watery. Eyes glossed over, nose red. It was daylight still. "Damnit, kid! Leave it alone!" She threw the unplugged curling iron at her, and Jackie ducked. It flew through the air, knocking the crystal unicorn off of the table. Kitty and Red gifted that to her when she first moved in. It shattered into a million pieces. A fire flared in her stomach.
Love is biting your tongue. Love is anger.
Deep breath. "Laurie."
"Jackie, stop." She pleaded.
"Laurie." She stepped closer. But her sister shoved her away, storming out of the room.
Love is forgiving.
"Laurie!" She exclaimed, trotting down the stairs behind her, out into the street.
"Stop! Stop! Don't you understand?" She cried, her face red. "This is too much for your small high school, goody two-shoes brain to understand!" Tears were flowing, and she was walking down the sidewalk. Jackie hot on her heels.
"I knew enough to sense this guy was bad news." She started, jogging behind her sister, who's long legs made her walk fast. "I knew enough to know that you don't have a Psych Professor." She spoke.
Laurie froze.
Love is recognizing the small things.
"How did you know that?" She asked.
"First of all, you never mentioned Professor Brown. Second of all, your major was Dental Assisting." She breathed, hands slapping against her thighs.
"You can't tell Mom and Dad." She pleaded.
"I don't even know what there is to tell, because you won't tell me!" Jackie argued. "I'm not your enemy."
"I know you aren't." She croaked, as they started walking back. Silence.
Love is trust.
"He would buy me drugs." She whispered. "In exchange for sex." Silence. Click-Click rang out as they walked down the street. Tears flowing down Laurie's face.
"Why is he here now?" Jackie raised a brow. "He's telling Mom and Dad that he'll talk to some head guy to get me back into school. He wants sex for it, and I told him no. He was always really creepy, but I didn't think he'd take advantage of me like this." She sobbed. "And, I can't say no, because then they'll be suspicious."
No words left Jackie's mouth, and she bit her lip. She was stuck between a rock, and a hard place. "I-" She stopped, pursing her lips. They stood in the front yard. Her sister's face red, and stained with hot tears. "I feel like I'm stuck on day one of recovery. I want nothing more than a drink." She whimpered. The smaller one pulled her into a tight hug, letting her cry into her shoulders. "What the fuck do I do?" She cried.
"I don't know." Jackie whispered. She really didn't know. What kind of answer would suffice to make it all go away.
"It's all on me, too. There's nobody to blame." She cried. "But some things, I don't want them to know."
Love is protecting your parents from the version of yourself they shouldn't see.
"I get it. We'll figure it out." She mumbled, stroking her blonde hair. "It's okay."
Love is reassurance.
"It's not." It was barely a whisper.
"We'll figure it out." She nodded.
Dinner came sooner than anyone would have liked. This was the first dinner that she had eaten at home in multiple weeks. "Jackie. You're home for once." Red pointed out. She responded with a shrug, shoving mashed potatoes in her mouth, and ignoring Steven's eyes boring into her forehead. She was simply avoiding Steven.
But Laurie needed her.
She watched in discomfort as the stranger in the room rolled the bread dough in his hands, pulling it apart. Laurie shifted, and Jackie placed a reassuring hand on her knee, and gave a small smile.
"Is there something wrong with the bread?" Her mother asked hesitantly, and the man shook his head. "Nope."
"Oh." She nodded.
"So, Professor Brown." Red started, taking a sip of his beer. "What are your plans to get my daughter back into UW?"
"Well I have contacts-"
"What if Laurie doesn't wanna go to UW?" Jackie blurted, before she could stop herself. She looked at her father, who raised an eyebrow, ignoring Laurie kicking her ankle.
"What do you mean, dear?" Kitty asked, furrowing her brows. "That's such a good school."
Jackie froze, biting the inside of her cheek.
"That's where it all started, right?" Hyde motioned to Laurie. "The little bender you went on." He was blunt about it, but Laurie coughed, fiddling with her hands, and turning red. Her nose burned, and her eyes filled with tears. She swallowed thickly.
"Is this true kitten?" His father asked, his tone softening slightly. Jackie shot a thankful glance at the burnout across from her, and he nodded.
Love is reading body language like a book.
"Yeah." She croaked. It wasn't a total lie, but she was getting kind of bored of just doing nothing but house chores. "Yeah, it's just not a good place for me to go back to.".
"Well then, we've made our decision, Professor Brown." Eric declared, coughing. "I don't like you anyways, please get out now."
"Eric!" His mother scolded, and Red shook his head.
"No, the dumbass is right. You give me the creeps."
Laurie smiled, and Jackie nudged her.
"Thanks, guys!"
Love is what makes the world revolve around the sun.
Love is father's soft words despite his abrasiveness.
"I love you guys."