A/N: We all have nightmare exes…right?

Chapter Twenty Eight

Quite The Colourful Vocabulary

Racing down the streets Roxy huffed and jogged alongside her owner on a morning run, her tongue out cheerfully as she enjoyed her exercise before Luke had to go to work and she would stay with the sitter. Luke meanwhile focused on getting the most from the jog and keeping a good pace, especially in the cold weather the more he ran the warmer he stayed, this came to a sudden halt when he heard a familiar "Luke?" in a feminine voice. Coming to a stop, Roxy confused but also slowed by his feet, Luke saw just who had called his name forcing himself not to grimace - none other than his ex, Lisa Douglas.

"Oh, uh…hey Lisa" Luke said catching his breath as she walked over from the store she had been exiting when she noticed him, he decided to be polite and give a smile.

"Hey…looking good there" she said with a slight smirk, and Luke decided to take it in regards to his sporting form and nothing more flirtatious though he doubted it was anything else. "How you been?"

"Uh, good," Luke said, the chill now creeping into his muscles as he was no longer working out "busy…yourself?"

"Same as ever" she chimed "nothing exciting…you still single?" she asked out of the blue like it wasn't a forward question, Luke's hesitation and furrowed brow made her say "come on, can't blame me for asking" she smiled and while he felt a bit uncomfortable at how his ex was eyeing him he decided to answer and quickly.

"Not single" he said firmly and she seemed surprised "yeah uh, been dating someone for a while now, just spent the holidays together actually" the ex-ranger let her know and her expression changed a few times, some of them unreadable but others she was clearly displeased, her jaw a little clenched now.

"Oh…not gonna pretend that's not disappointing, I was kind of hoping I could angle for us to give things another shot" she said softly and although he hid it Alvez really just wanted to tell her the truth, how even if he was single he'd be avoiding a relationship with her again. When he didn't lean into her openness, no indication that he wanted anything to do with her she pouted "so…who is she?" she asked and forced a smile "she'd better be good for my Luke" she said as if she cared and Luke thoroughly disliked the use of the word 'my' but didn't want to cause a scene.

"I have a boyfriend actually…" Luke said and her brows raised, almost in disbelief until they narrowed, in their relationship he happened to never mention his bisexuality as it never came up and she was not the type to want to hear anything about past relationships.

"Is it someone I know?" she asked, pressing further for a name and Luke decided he was best to tell her himself. Working in the hospital, while she wasn't friends with Savannah, Lisa was easily able to contact her if needed and Luke decided to save the clingy ex the trouble of bothering and digging into people's business.

"Spencer" Luke answered and she actually laughed. The short burst was genuine, the woman thinking it had to be a joke or something absurd, but as she caught herself and saw Luke's serious expression she looked at him like he was tricking her.

"The geeky guy?" she asked, still struggling to piece the information together and didn't even think to apologise for her inappropriate response, she hadn't met Spencer much but she never understood just how brilliant he was, more saw the awkwardness and not the man. "You can't be serious…"

"Well, it was good seeing you, Lisa" Luke lied "I should really be going," wanting to get away from the icky vibe he got around her. She remained cold, the conversation not having gone how she'd hoped and muttered a "yeah…catch you later" and continued to eye him uncomfortably as he made his escape with Roxy, his good morning suddenly a bit sour.

Worse yet was that by the time he reached home to get showered and dressed for work, just relaxed enough to forget the unpleasant morning and his eyes scanning all the additions to his usually bare apartment that had found their way into his home recently, the books and things that reminded him so easily of his boyfriend - his phone started to buzz.

Thinking it might be a case he checked but instead he was met with a couple of texts from Lisa, saying how nice it was to see him again and they should hang out sometimes, to catch up properly and then another started to mention how sad she was they ever broke up. Yikes. Luke definitely made a good call when he dumped her, but he had hoped she had given up on being the clingy ex since he blocked her number before…but no, she had a new number and she was using it.

Luke and Spencer were cuddled up on the genius' sofa, Roxy curled up on the floor chewing one of her toys, and Spencer had noticed his boyfriend had been a little annoyed throughout the day and his phone going off to the point he'd put it on silent and actively ignoring it. As the device lit up, no longer on vibrate it was ignored by the ex-ranger, but both did listen out to see if Spencer's went in indication they had to leave for a case. Nothing came and so Spencer asked "you okay? you've been giving your phone the cold shoulder all day" he mused lightly and Luke chuckled though he did seem tired.

Snuggling close on the sofa but still moving to sit up a little more Luke sighed, hoping Spencer wouldn't mind what he was about to explain "uh…this morning I ran into Lisa…Douglas" he clarified in case Spencer wasn't entirely sure who he was referring to and while Spencer's reaction was a simple nod he could see hazel eyes working through the shift in conversation. The main question being about the phone activity all day and Luke being annoyed by it, Spencer grew curious just what the woman might he texting about. "I just bumped into her on the street and she asked if I was single," Luke explained, "I said no, I just spent the holidays with you, and…she's not taking the hint."

Spencer's mind quickly pieced together the concept but remained curious as to just what the woman could be sending to get the usually cool, calm Luke to be stressed out, the woman the few times he saw her had seemed perfectly friendly but he didn't know her well. He'd also be lying if he didn't admit he felt a little flare in his chest at the idea of an ex trying to move in on his boyfriend - there was no distrust of Luke, the man being very open with him about it, but like a snarling dog getting too close to Roxy Spencer was allowed to feel a little protective of Luke from clingy exes.

Luke was so open in fact he didn't hesitate to grab his phone and open it to show just what he was talking about in full transparency, nothing to hide from his boyfriend, Spencer's hazel eyes able to scan the texts easily as Luke scrolled through and brows furrowed at the truly gross series of invasive messages. The thread showed Luke just telling the woman to stop contacting him, to stop using different numbers or friend's phones to get passed him blocking her time after time, and Lisa relentlessly telling Luke how he was wrong and being stupid for not being grateful. A particular message standing out to Spencer from Lisa as she said how things were great when they were together, to which Luke very bluntly replied that no, they weren't and he broke up with her for a reason. The woman continued to not take blunt rejection for an answer and refusing to leave the agent alone no matter how many times he blocked her number or told her to stop harassing him.

They both got onto the most recent message from her that had just been received so for both they were reading it for the first time and it was a long one - Luke's jaw clenching a little as the woman took a shot at Spencer saying 'you think your little nerd is going to be enough for you? grow up and accept we're made for each other' and what was worse was how she worded things like she had the moral high ground, calling his behaviour stupid and that she was willing to 'forgive' him for 'making her' spend so much time 'talking sense into him.' It was increasingly disturbing the more Reid read and eventually both just stared in disgust at the stream of horrible texts.

Luke shook his head and was watched hitting the options to block yet another number and deleting the 'conversation' - if it could even be called that from his phone before tossing the device to the coffee table feeling exhausted. "Wow" Spencer said and curled his arms around his boyfriend to help him relax, kissing Luke's jaw sweetly and nuzzling against him "not to be mean or anything but Lisa sounds…just wow" was all the genius could summon to his mind. "Gee, I wonder why things didn't work out between you two…" Spencer mused sarcastically and Luke was slightly surprised and laughed at his partner's sass.

"Yeah…it's a real mystery" Luke replied through a chuckle and kissed Spencer's cheek "so I'm getting a new phone or tempted to get in the Garcia cavalry if Lisa doesn't leave me alone soon, I can only block her so many times."

Just then the phone lit up again from the table and both men turned to look, and when Spencer's phone didn't go off they dreaded to think she might have already gotten another number to use, with zero enthusiasm Luke reached over and both men's eyes widened at Lisa's persistence. The message read 'stop blocking me, quit playing proud it's not cute anymore - you want me so call me" and then she sent a photo of herself making a 'call me' symbol with her fingers and making a kiss face, both men grimaced at the cringey desperation.

"I need a new phone" Luke groaned.

Spencer mulled it over in his head before asking "you want me to reply?" with a smirk, if she was going to bully and stalk Luke's phone they'd might as well respond honestly to her.

"Hell yes" Luke said with a new found enthusiasm and handed over his cell, both sat up more but stayed embraced as Spencer started to type, he was a little slow by comparison to others at using the tiny keyboard but typed one impressive message.

'Hi Lisa, this is Luke's nerdy boyfriend.
I thought I'd be helpful and point out a few concepts you're clearly having trouble with.
"No"- used as a function word to express the negative response to a question or opportunity.
"Desperate" - *see Lisa Douglas for reference*
"Please refrain from messaging Luke" - get lost!'

Luke's jaw dropped as Spencer typed out the sick burn and after a moment of hesitation in case Luke objected the lithe man hit send, Luke practically bouncing at his boyfriend's taking-no-crap attitude. "Do not mess with Spencer Reid" Luke said with a grin and he was corrected with a smug 'it's doctor.' Laughing Luke nodded and said "do not mess with Dr Spencer Reid" before planting a happy kiss on his boyfriend's smirking lips.

They received a text back, an agitated 'wtf? yeah right, you pretending your BF's texting now - pathetic, CALL ME.' Luke was too giddy by Spencer's total mastery of the situation to find her words bothersome in any way in that moment, excited to see what he was going to send next.

'Luke's nerdy BF here again - what did you not understand?' Spencer typed and paused for a moment trying to find the right way to express himself 'Would you prefer it in French? German, Spanish? I'll just send you a few and you can try to figure it out from there: foutre le camp, sich verpissen,' and then Spencer spent a while looking through the areas of the keyboard for other symbols and entered '¡Vete a la mierda!' and Luke burst out laughing in shock, Spencer was essentially telling her to 'fuck off' in different languages! He listed a few more, Russian, Italian, Hungarian and so on and with every one Luke felt more and more relief in his partner's company.

The woman then called, no picture or name to the now random number contacting the phone and Spencer handed it to Luke with a smile, answering suddenly feeling so much better Luke said "hello, who is this?" lightly, knowing full well who it was but playing dumb.

"Oh grow up Luke" they could both hear over the device "your little nerd was so rude to me, do something about it!"

Luke's brows furrowed, the woman out of her mind, so he just replied "uh… like thank him?" he offered and Spencer had to cover him mouth to not laugh over the call "buy him nice things?" Luke continued with a giggle and before she could protest his teasing he said "make love to him after I block your stalker ass for the hundredth time?" and as she went to reply he hung up and blocked he number yet again with a smirk, Spencer laughing too at the positive change in mood

"Oh she's gonna be mad" Spencer said through the chuckling.

In their jobs they could recognise certain behaviours too easily and while she was clingy and even emotionally abusive, Luke had clearly escaped before being too affected by it and she wasn't going to become dangerous by any means - only a nuisance. Giving Spencer a sweet kiss to the lips and holding him tighter the ex-ranger seemed so much better than he had earlier, the genius somehow able to make things so much easier so quickly "you are amazing, and that was quite the colourful vocabulary" Luke complimented with a smirk before apologising for having to reply to anything at all "I'm sorry about that mess though…"

"Don't be, it's not your fault" Spencer replied "she sounded…abusive" he said softly, not wanting to pry but at least he knew their relationship had been short overall.

Luke nodded and explained "she started showing some 'tendencies' just before I broke up with her, for that very reason, and I'm very glad I did."

"What was the last straw?" Spencer asked curiously, an arm curling up to play with Luke's hair soothingly and it made both smile.

With a shrug Luke mulled over the unpleasant but not harmful memory as he spoke "it was a mix of things, she tried to tell me not to be so friendly with Penelope or to at least 'have her paired off with Phil' if I was going to talk to her" and by Spencer's expression he saw how instantly ridiculous and disrespectful Lisa's demand had been. "I once had to walk Roxy so dinner had to wait literally fifteen minutes, she then huffed the entire night over Roxy having to pee and from then on tried to make me feel bad for caring so much about an animal - like it was stupid to love my dog."

Spencer couldn't believe it, nobody gets between Luke and Roxy, his expression clearly disapproving of the ex's behaviour "Luke, why didn't you say anything?" he asked, not as a boyfriend, but as a friend.

"It didn't last long, it wasn't like a chronic thing - I'm fine," he said sincerely, not putting on a guard "I recognised the signs, I tested the waters to see if it was temporary or just the type of person she is and clearly I made the right choice to get the hell out of there, it was on a dime when she changed."

"They often do" Spencer said, supporting that his experience was often the case and abusers often masked themselves well in the beginning.

"And I adored your genius badassery there" Luke smirked as he looked into hazel eyes.

Spencer chuckled and cheekily beamed towards his handsome boyfriend "nobody messes with my man" making both laugh and Luke just had to kiss the wonderful genius in his arms in reward.

Almost like she was making a point when it came time for dinner Roxy paced with her leash in her mouth asking to be walked, her big eyes unable to to resist, and Spencer was quick to mention that he could put it in foil for the short while it would take to walk the dog around the block and actually offered to chum them. Getting their coats and shoes on they walked out hand in hand out into the street with a happy Roxy sniffing everything she passed. Luke felt happy, despite all the fuss of the day, to know he had a healthy supportive relationship with the genius who had been unfazed by the intrusive presence attacking his phone. He grew a little curious and asked in a casual tone "you got any? nightmare exes?"

Spencer smiled and shook his head "not like that I'm glad to say" referring to the texts by Lisa Douglas for comparison, but Luke did pick up on the not outright no regarding exes "I haven't dated that many people," he needn't mention Maeve as she had passed on "Lila and Austin were non-committal from the get go, Austin's a she" he clarified for Luke and for the first time he was getting a couple of names to put to the 'few women Spencer's been with' and then Spencer added "Ethan's the only one really…"

Luke nodded and asked "what did he do?" knowing Spencer had only had one boyfriend before and therefore it had to be this Ethan guy, Spencer had gained some experience with him but it never got to fully sleeping together.

"He isn't bad, he's actually friendly but I hardly see him since he's in New Orleans doing music but we were young and both the smartest in our group, you know" and Luke couldn't help but compare it to people's 'college experimentation' days but for a pair of geniuses "he only gets a bit…overly competitive," Spencer explained "it's not at all romantic - its just hot headed."

"Makes sense, two geniuses in a room, I can see why the competitive nature would come out" knowing that Spencer too liked to win too, very cheeky sometimes but it was cute.

"I like a good game," Spencer admitted "but Ethan 'decides he will win' and it doesn't always work out that way…so out come the excuses or the putting people down…" and saying that made it abundantly clear "like the time I was in New Orleans for a case, we caught up and even though he had a fiancé, a woman, he asked how I was getting on and I mentioned having a light thing with Lila before breaking it off at the time…so he picked at her character, you know…like to make himself 'superior' - not cause he wanted to be with me, he just needs to win" Spencer shrugged, not bothered by it but it translated easily into why the man was an ex.

"Okay…sounds like a character."

"Nice guy overall, one…'quirk?'" Spencer tried to find the word "I think is the way to put it? He's willing to be a jerk if it works, like a play strategy in a game. At least he keeps to himself and doesn't go where he isn't welcome like a certain avid texter" Spencer teased and Luke nodded, glad they could smile and talk about these things comfortably, proud of their relationship and just how sound it was.

The pair got to Spencer's apartment and the food was still plenty warm, Roxy happily going to her own food to munch away as the two men sat to their's. They'd left Luke's phone on the coffee table during the cooking and walk and they could see it lighting up still, "she's gonna kill your battery" Spencer said not fussed by the clingy woman's unreasonable behaviour and Luke nodded as he ate the delicious food his boyfriend had kindly prepared.

"I'll message Penelope tonight and arrange to get a new number in the morning," Luke said, knowing he couldn't continue with this annoyance especially given the importance of his job "so much fuss because one woman can't understand basic rejection."

The device flashed again and Luke reached for it to check just in case there were any notifications from anyone but the crazy ex, opening the phone he sighed "nope, all her…" then Spencer tilted his head slightly, almost like a curious puppy, there were a couple of texts and one notification from her saying 'open to view image.'

Luke slid the phone to Spencer if he wanted to inspect or tell her how to fuck of in Swahili or Urdu or whatever else the genius could say to her, clicking on the thread there were a couple of messages angry at being ignored and the image to go with it, she was posing and opening her blouse to show some of her bra and the text underneath read 'you can have this if you just stop being stupid.'

Spencer shook his head and texted a casual 'nah, I'm good, thanks' and laughed at his own ridiculous dismissal of the attempted seduction towards his own boyfriend before blocking this number too.

"You might want to call Garcia now unless you want soft porn ah la your crazy ex" Spencer said with a nonplussed shrug and smile, cooly handling the situation with confidence and Luke chuckled and decided to take the clever man's advice and dial the tech genius before his abused battery ran out, a comfortable feeling between hem as they were solving the problem together.

"Will do, cariño."

Quote: "Insecure people only eclipse your sun because they're jealous of your daylight and tired of their dark, starless nights."

― Shannon L. Alder