Jess was sitting at his a desk in his father's house in the dim light of a small lamp. It was almost midnight. Everyone was asleep except of him. He had just kept tossing and turning on the uncomfortable matrace on the floor until he couldn't take it anymore. He got up, turned the lamp on, found a piece of paper and a pencil, wrote Dear Rory on top and then spent the last ten minutes pondering what to write next.
Sorry I moved to California without saying goodbye? Sorry I didn't tell you Luke kicked me out? Sorry I didn't tell you anything ever?
I'm such a screwup. I'm pathetic.
That's exactly what his father had said to him.
"I'm a screwup, that's my genetic code."
Well, dad, if you're such a screwup, why could you just stop being a screwup and pull yourself together for your new family, but not for me? Am I not worth it?!
He wanted to call Rory and rant to her. About how his dad had failed him but went on to be the perfect father to another kid but not him. She's the only one that would understand that. But he couldn't call her, because he had screwed up. So he wanted to at least write her a letter. But he couldn't. His head was full of millions of thoughts and emotions he couldn't make sense of, yet completely empty. He sighed, crumbled up the piece of paper and tossed it into the garbage can.
The next morning, Rory's eyes were red and sore.
I'm so stupid and pathetic. Here I am, crying over this boy till my head and eyes hurt. Like he's worth it.
He covered the blotchiness with some makeup, hoping Lorelai won't notice. She could already see her going: "Ha! I told you so!"
Because she was right about Jess and I was wrong. I'm the innocent little naïve idiot lead around by a guy again.
She knew the whole town will whisper. They always do. And Rory was something of a town princess. When she and Jess had gotten into a car crash one year ago, the whole town turned on Jess and pitied Rory. As if she was just some kind of blubbering idiot, unable to take care of herself and make her own decisions.
Rory suspected it was going to be the same now. Except maybe million times worse.
I'm not gonna let them know Jess broke my heart. Because he didn't. He was just some boy. Who cares.
And with that, she decided to hold her head up high. Not let anyone see how crushed she really was over that breakup. Because she decided she would be respected if she couldn't be loved.