Chapter 13: Advanced Genealogy
Summary: Jeff receives some interesting information
A/N: I am terrible and deserve all your virtual beatings! If you want, come over to the Discord server fan-fics channel and yell at me.
She found Jeff in the deserted cafeteria where he had mentioned he might be before his meeting with Whitman. He was seated in a back corner booth and typing on his laptop, Sebastian asleep in his carrier. With a bit of self consciousness that she normally tried her best to ignore, she slid in opposite him.
"Hey."
He looked up with mild amusement.
"Hello again. Bored of Ian already?"
She felt a little bit guilty about running out on Ian like that, but she'd smooth that out later. Glancing up at the wall clock she realized it was about twenty minutes until the meeting with Whitman and knew she didn't have much time.
"I need to talk to you about something. It's important."
He closed his laptop and studied her for a moment before shrugging in acquiescence. She leaned forward and after glancing around to make sure no one was near - which wasn't difficult because it was in between meal times and the only other person was Pavel at Shirley's Sandwiches on the other side of the room - she said, "I think I know what Whitman is going to tell you."
He sighed perhaps more loudly that she thought made sense and then leaned forward and bopped her on the nose with his knuckle. She moved back an inch and squinted at him because that was just rude.
With dripping condensation, he said, "I already know what he's going to say to me. He's going to tell me he's married to Michelle. I will be polite but probably be honest and tell him Ian cracked and told me an hour ago." He smirked and continued, "It'll be awkward, but we'll get through it. And as much as I'm still a little weirded out, I think I'm rapidly adjusting to the concept of them together. I have other things going on in my life and frankly don't care."
She nodded in understanding but then bit her lip and considered she hadn't really thought this through. But seeing how wracked with guilt Whitman had seemed by her overheard conversation and from Ian's description, she knew she was right. It was just like Ian's books.
"Jeff, there's something else."
"Hmm?" He had already been turning away to check on Sebastian and was pulling down a knit yellow blanket over the baby's feet.
She watched him do this as a wave of guilt and sadness come over her.
"It's so unfair. I'm sorry."
"What is?"
"Can I just ask you a question?"
He turned back to her and frowned. "Since when have you needed permission?"
"When was the last time you slept with Slater?"
He almost choked and then gasped, "That is none of your business!" Although he was indignant, he was half smiling for some reason, his eyes glittering. She couldn't tell if he thought she was crazy or astute. Probably crazy, but she was used to it.
With her mission in mind, she pressed on, "You broke up in March. Did you sleep with her in April?"
"Now why would you ask me that?"
"Her kid was born January fifth."
"What the hell do you mean by that? I…" He suddenly paled.
The resulting silence made her recognize the pounding of her heart, and she steadied herself. For a moment, she thought she had completely misjudged everything, but then his eyes widened and he glanced over to the far wall and whispered, "Crap."
She could tell he was doing mental calculations, and she leaned in further to help.
"If she and Whitman didn't hook up until the Tranny Dance, that's like May 20th. I know the date because Ian has it in his planner. Sure, she might have had the kid really early, but what if she didn't? What if Whitman is aware and he's been feeling guilty?"
Jeff moved his eyes back to her and snapped, "And why would Whitman want to raise another man's child?"
She stared at him, and he started visibility sweating. She had never seen such an expression on his face and wondered how she'd describe it if a client were doing it or something. She was suddenly very worried, for Jeff was behaving in a way that was ungrounding. No snarkiness or condensation. If anything, it might be terror.
Now likely realizing what he had just said, he whispered, "Okay, so I'm fully aware I've agreed to raise another man's child. That's different. I was in love with Annie, and I knew her kid came with her. And I've come to see her as my own."
"Jeff. You didn't answer me. Did you…?"
Ignoring her, he continued in a lecturey tone, "That doesn't mean Whitman would do the same. He knows I wouldn't leave my kid. And he's all optimistic and lovely and all of that nonsense."
"So you did hook up with Slater again? Was it during Chicken fingers?"
He placed his elbows on the table and began to cradle his head as he closed his eyes, emitting a low painful groan.
She persisted, "I knew it. Because you were feeling all rejected by us? You were mad at Abed? And Annie was still with Vaughn? And Sophie liked that bear Abed gave her?"
"Britta, please. Stop."
She pressed on, "I understand. And now it makes even more sense why she was so competitive with me at the dance. It didn't really line up with her breaking up with you like over two months before, but now I can see it."
She waited for him to say something, anything, but he remained still, his eyes closed.
"Was I not supposed to tell you? I didn't want it to come from Whitman."
He suddenly sat upright, and she shirked back in surprise. His eyes were wide and his tone insistent as he said, "Wow, you just royally messed with me. I should be clear that NO, I did not hook up with Michelle after our break up. You're completely off base with your weird conspiracy theory."
She frowned and said, "But you just went through it in your head. I saw you."
"You can't see inside my mind. Not even real shrinks can do that. The way you were speaking to me, I half believed it for a second, and hell I can't remember months like four years after the fact." He paused, seeming enraged and added, "But again to be absolutely clear I did not sleep with Michelle after she ended our relationship. So…" he wiggled his brows and continued, "I'm assuming in that case, there is no question of paternity. Is that right?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Good. That's settled."
She suddenly felt really odd, and a sensation of heat prickling all over her. She supposed it was shame, and it was something she always jerked away from as quickly as possible. With Jeff though and his freak out from a moment ago fresh in her mind and the expression on his face now tense and likely furious with her, she knew she couldn't flee.
She managed, "I'm really sorry. I was just trying to help."
"You don't say." He began rapping his knuckle on the table in irritation.
"I just thought I was right. Like I really thought so or I wouldn't have bothered you with it. But Slater was a bitch enough to do something like this and if Whitman was going to tell you, I didn't want you to hear it from him." She steadied herself and added, "Because I care about you." She then muttered under her breath, "And Slater's a bitch."
She couldn't stop the tears from falling, and Jeff reached over and took her hand, giving it a squeeze as he mumbled, "I love you too, my misguided little therapist in training, but you really Britta'd this."
"I'm sorry."
His tone now softening, he said, "Let's just not mention it to Annie, okay?"
She sniffed in agreement.
X
X
Jeff sat back down in the corner booth after having gone to the restroom and splashed ice cold water over his face. He had given himself a pep talk, trying to convince himself he needed more facts. Britta tended to jump to conclusions and he knew her heart was in the right place, but the whole thing was crazy. He had given her Sebastian and told her to take him to Annie, as he really couldn't face her and the munchkin right now. He needed to be sure.
He recalled his little romp with Michelle in the supply closet. She had been cold with him ever since their breakup and he had avoided her as well, as the wounds had still stung. Then they had run into each other in South Hall and she had smiled almost shyly at him and asked him how he was, and he had been out of his mind with awfulness about Abed taking his study group and pulling them into a life of crime. He had been feeling abandoned, and the icing on the cake was Abed giving Sophie a nice new plushy bear and having Annie accept it with full enthusiasm. He may have also caught a glimpse of her Frenching the hippie yet again and just decided to do something rash. Michelle had merely grazed his arm with her hand and said something about him looking particularly rugged that day before he had pulled her into his arms and they stumbled into the closet. It had been hurried and passionate, but not due to actual connection and more out of intense avoidance. He had just wanted to be distracted. It had been kind of his MO back then.
They had both almost instantly mutually admitted it was a mistake and to pretend as if it hadn't happened. The fact that he usually prided himself on using protection but was caught unawares on this occasion due to Troy having borrowed his last condom (wince), was something he had shoved into a neat little box in his mind. Michelle had been on the pill anyway when they were together and he had just assumed.
It had been his talk with Abed later on in the cafeteria after the mob had disintegrated that had convinced him to start therapy. He knew if he kept acting out his fears of abandonment he'd end up in serious trouble. The fact that he had fucked Michelle, the woman who had tossed him aside, perhaps not undeservedly so after his preoccupation with Annie, was a sign he was in for dark times.
He hadn't ever reflected on it much since, mostly because he was good at compartmentalizing. It had flashed in his mind only once and that was when Annie had confessed to him she had done something similar with Adam after they had reestablished contact, and it was part of the reason that he had understood and forgiven her so quickly, not that she needed his forgiveness because they hadn't been together when it had happened but more that she had wanted it.
With a heavy breath, he opened up his laptop and looked up conception calculators, plugging in January fifth as a birthdate. The estimated date of conception was April fourteenth. He frowned, not at all remembering when they had hooked up. It was April, he was sure because it was after the April Fool's Day low speed chase by Annie (of course that was how he pinpointed time, it always came back to Annie) and it was of course before paintballl, another proud moment for him when he had used sex as an escape.
God, he had treated Britta pretty crappily. Thank god he had a condom that time or his life would be even extra hellish.
"Jeff, hello. Ready for coffee?"
He looked up to see Eustice standing there, his smile barely concealing his nerves. Jeff faked his own and nodded.
"Sure."
X
X
Within a few minutes they had procured their coffees, Eustice having ordered a peppermint latte and Jeff a black, and sat back down at the booth. Jeff had done his best to maintain his composure and not shake the guy, but then again he considered Britta could very well be wrong about the whole thing. Maybe the kid had been premature or something. Yes, that was a perfectly reasonable explanation he had been latching onto since he had returned from the restroom.
He took a sip of his coffee, ignoring its bitterness but feeling perhaps it befit the occasion, and asked as nonchalantly as possible, "So, you wanted to discuss something?" He eyed Eustice like a hawk, and noticed the other man was biting and then releasing his lower lip. That always betrayed something in a courtroom.
"Yes, well, I have something to tell you that may be a little bit unpleasant."
"I just spent a very awkward few minutes with Britta, so this can't possibly be any worse. You have no idea how much I mean that. This can seriously only get better." He smiled tightly.
Eustice sighed and began running his index finger over the whipped cream he had put on top and then dabbed a pink sprinkle(!) and took it to his lips. The man did seem to have a knack for turning anything into birthday cake.
"It's about my wife."
"Go on."
Eutstice pulled at his collar and said, "You're already acquainted."
Deciding to put the visibly distressed man out of his misery, Jeff confessed, "I spoke to Ian about an hour ago. He told me. You're married to Michelle."
At this, Eustice rolled his head back and let out a quick laugh.
"He didn't! Oh, that Ian!"
It was more of an embarrassed screech, and Jeff winced yet again.
"He did. And he wanted me to explain to you that he's kept a pretty good secret for the past few years. I seriously had no clue."
Eustice shook his head and seemed to let some tension go in his shoulders. He hunched forward and grabbed his beverage, taking a long sip of it before placing it back in front of him.
"I'm so sorry. Yes, I'm married to Michelle. I didn't tell you before because frankly we haven't really had a conversation since first year and I guess I saw you in the faculty lounge a few times and just didn't know how to bring it up. And I didn't want you to find out in front of everyone."
"You know what, that actually makes sense."
"Yes, but to find out we're neighbors." He let out a low whistle of incredulity.
"That is surprising. But I guess the big secret is revealed then?"
He watched Eustice as his expression changed. It wasn't subtle.
"Well, the thing is Jeff, Michelle also doesn't know that you've moved on. I haven't mentioned anything to her, and well the thought of you and Annie living around the corner is crazy. You can see why we can't just come over to your house, right?"
Jeff started to feel relieved, figuring this was exactly what the weirdness was about. It explained everything without Britta's little theory. He merely nodded and said, "That sounds like it will be a very tense reveal, but I am confident you can do it. You can then send her over and I'll have a delightful chat with her in my front yard."
"Seriously?"
"Yes. Our relationship was a long time ago now. I'm sure we can get past it and let the kids play if they want. And we don't have to do the dinner thing, given the circumstances, but please. Jamie can come over anytime."
"You're a good man, Jeff."
He took a deep breath and channeled his best impassive expression as if he were in a courtroom waiting for his pounce, only this time very much hoping that there was nothing on which to land.
"Was there anything else you wanted to discuss? Anything else you think I should know?"
Eustice frowned as if in bafflement, but there was perhaps the hint of something, it was difficult to be sure.
"Err, I don't think so."
Deciding to just put it out there because he wasn't about living life from a place of lies anymore, Jeff leaned forward and whispered, "Great. Because Britta talked to Ian and then came to me with some crazy theory. It was something about Jamie's birthday. So I have something I really need to ask you, and I hope to god you're going to be honest with me. I need you to tell me the truth."
Eustice honestly appeared befuddled, his brow wrinkling as he tilted his head to the side and waited.
"Was Jamie born premature?"
"Jeff, why are you asking this?"
"You know exactly why I'm asking."
The resulting silence made Jeff wonder if Britta was right or if he were merely having Eustice conjure up images of him and Michelle doing it. Either way, he welcomed Eustice onto his current hellscape.
In an effort to speed this up, he hissed, "Eustice."
"No, he was born pretty much on time. Healthy eight pounder and then some."
Jeff felt the wave of anxiety wash anew over him, and he almost couldn't breathe. Eustice noticed, and he instantly leaned forward and after taking a quick glance around to make sure no one could overhear said, "I know what you're thinking, but he's mine."
Jeff's eyes widened and he snapped, "And how are you so sure?"
"Because it's pretty much exactly forty weeks from when he was born and Michelle and I…" he hesitated as he flushed and then continued, "first were intimate."
"Ian told me it was the Tranny Dance."
"That was when we err, maybe started seeing each other regularly but things are complicated, Jeff." He sighed wistfully and added, "it was actually shortly after that dance that Michelle realized she was pregnant. She hadn't been able to track things well due some various reasons and she was about six weeks along. Might have had something to do with the way she acted out that night." Eustice visibly cringed and then looked back at Jeff with a knowing expression.
That night of the dance had certainly been horrible, with Michelle and Britta both escalating things, but from what Britta had told him Michelle had started it. She had been acting crazy, and he then recalled how Annie got when she was carrying Sebastian and it dawned on him that perhaps Michelle's behavior could be explained, at least in part, due to a pregnancy.
Eustice continued, "Michelle and I originally had a fling sometime that April. Well, I never really wanted it to be just a fling, but she insisted she wasn't ready for anything serious after her breakup with you. Which was pretty much several weeks prior." His eyes shifted in self-consciousness and he waited for Jeff's reaction.
For a moment Jeff wasn't sure what to do. The reasoning made complete sense, at least from Eustice's point of view, which of course was missing critical information. He felt like he was going crazy, the adrenaline was pumping through his veins and as he tried to label his emotions in an effort to regulate, just as his saintly patient therapist had taught him, he took some deep breaths.
Anger. He was pissed.
But looking into Eustice's giant and somewhat innocent eyes, he just couldn't say a damn thing. He needed to be sure before he broke the poor guy's bubble.
Aloud, he managed, "God, Eustice, I'm very sorry. I kind of feel like an ass. This whole thing just threw me. And I think Britta got confused and you know how she is. She got it into my head and I just had to ask."
"Ahh, yes, Miss Perry. She can be delightfully obtuse. I recall me encouraging you to seize the day with her first year. I'm glad you're still friends, but I think Annie grounds you better, at least from what Ian has shared with me. I'm happy for you Jeff, and I'm not offended at all by our conversation today. I'm glad we could clear that all up."
Ian was a bastard, but Jeff figured he'd deal with that mess later. He had another issue that was clearly the priority, and he couldn't tell anyone about it. He silently congratulated himself for throwing Britta off the trail and trusting she would tell Ian shortly she had Britta'd the whole thing which he was certain Ian would not question because it was well, Britta.
Eustice was droning on, his eyes looking off toward the far ceiling corner, "It's funny how life works sometimes. I thank the heavens daily that Michelle came into my life. Why, my first wife and I divorced because the doctors said I had a low sperm count, and I always wanted kids. When Michelle told me she was pregnant, although it was early on and we were just trying to figure things out between us, I knew it was a miracle and frankly I was ecstatic. Jamie really is the best thing that's ever happened to me. He's precocious and so crafty like you wouldn't believe. I'd do anything for him."
Jeff felt his heart moving down into his stomach, if there was such a thing. It was possibly the worst sensation he had ever experienced, and he had been beaten as a child and knew a thing or two about suffering. What was happening now was something he couldn't even begin to possibly fathom, and for a brief moment he wanted to completely disappear. Just be the end of it. And that thought suddenly terrified him.
Aloud, he said, "You know what, I think I should just reach out to Michelle and have a chat. Why make this awkward for you? It's between me and her, and I'm sure we can talk as adults and put this whole thing behind us."
He didn't know how he had even said those words, but they just came out. He figured it may have been autopilot from his lying days.
After an exhalation of relief, Eustice said, "Thank you, Jeff, I appreciate it and think it's a good idea for you two to talk privately so it's not any more tense than it needs to be in the neighborhood, but I really should tell her since I ran into you a few days ago now. I don't want her to be upset with me."
"Yeah, we don't want Michelle to be upset."
He tried to keep the venom out of his voice and luckily was pretty sure Eustice didn't even pick up on it.
"So I'll just bite the bullet as they say and tell her, and then I'll encourage her to talk to you."
"You know what, why don't you give me her number and I'll call her, just to smooth everything over? Just key me in when she knows and I'll take it from there."
"Oh, that would be amazing, Jeff." Eustice reached out to shake hands, and Jeff found himself accepting.
As Eustice scribbled down Michelle's number on a napkin, Jeff glanced up. Annie had just entered the cafeteria with Sebastian and Sophie. She spotted him right away and smiled brightly, and he almost couldn't handle it. His Annie. Their family. Their kids.
He shot Eustice another look.
"I'd really like to talk to Michelle soon."
X
X
Jeff was cleaning up a sticky Sebastian at the kitchen sink after dinner when there was a knock at the front door. Annie sashayed past him, her tone airy as she said, "I wonder who that could be. I'll get it."
"No, I'll…"
But she was gone, and he maneuvered the squirming squirt and considered he hadn't really clued her in to anything. Although he definitely did not want to tell her about his conversation with Britta because it might unnecessarily upset her, he also realized he should probably have informed her about his phone call, at least whom he had called. His head had been spinning for the past few hours and he was honestly having difficulty keeping himself grounded. Annie had noticed and asked him how he was over dinner, but he had merely told her it was a legal thing.
Which was technically true he supposed. But he still felt like an ass and also increasingly panicked. And still pretty pissed off. It was a lot to juggle emotionally and he knew he should call his therapist and set up an appointment sooner than next Wednesday but really just couldn't bring himself to do that right now since everything else seemed so urgent.
It had been four years, but it was urgent. God, he was going to lose it.
Sebastian's smile brought him back and he whispered, "You're doing great, squirt. I love you." He brought the baby up to his shoulder and kissed him hard, which elicited a giggle. "Yes I do."
"Kiss me, Daddy."
He looked down at his jealous munchkin and smiled, "I will." His eyes went toward the living room as he heard the door open and said, "Just go sit down at the table and I'll come over."
She squealed and ran past the table, completely defying him or most likely just not fully listening, and into the living room. He followed, taking his long strides quickly as he heard Annie's voice.
"Hi! What are you doing here?"
And then Mark's.
"Hi Annie. Just needed to meet with Jeff about a case."
"Now? Um, okay."
"He didn't mention it?"
Jeff felt terrible once again, but as Sophie hurled herself onto the couch, he shouted, "I'm sorry, I completely forgot. Annie, I called Mark and we need to go over something. It'll take a little while."
"Daddy!"
He sighed and plopped down on the couch, then leaned over to give a delighted Sophie a big kiss on the cheek. She proceeded to curl up into his side and Sebastian shifted in his arms, and it was so nice he just wanted to stay there forever.
He willed himself to make eye contact with Mark, who was standing just past Annie and still near the door. He wore a casual button down but his briefcase was in hand, and Jeff wondered if he had brought any paperwork or if that was for show. He had called him earlier and merely explained that he was in a bit of a personal mess and that he needed to consult but Annie was not to know anything about it. He could only imagine what Mark must be thinking and he suddenly realized perhaps he was worried that their law practice was in jeopardy due to something else Jeff had done with his license or something. Having faked one's credentials tended to be something no one could forget.
With the full guilt washing over him for that as well as Annie's mildly irritated expression because he hadn't informed her, he took a deep breath and said, "Annie, could you watch the kids for a bit? Mark and I need to discuss something in private."
"Of course. I hope everything's okay."
He then realized she wasn't mad at him but was expressing concern. She could read him like a book at this point in their relationship and once again he felt tremendous guilt.
Crushing guilt. What if he had screwed up everything because he had done something impulsive and stupid four years ago? But then there was Jamie, who did seem like a sweet kid and he couldn't just bring himself to wish him out of existence. No, it wasn't the kid's fault. He clutched Sophie a little tighter for a moment and considered the remarkable irony.
After handing over the kids to Annie and saying a temporary goodbye to a sad Sophie, he ushered Mark back to his home office, a denlike area right off the kitchen, and securely closed the door. They sat down on the small sofa inside, the place where Sophie usually hung out when he had to frantically get something out and she wanted to be near him. He picked up Ruthie and stared at it for a moment before realizing it had a small plastic car inside its pouch.
He smirked and took it out.
"Jeff, you wanna fill me in? I'm worried."
"God Mark, I feel terrible and thanks for coming over. To reassure you, it's nothing that will affect our firm or me professionally. It's a sticky personal matter and crap I need to talk to someone about it and it can't be Annie or really anyone else I know."
Still puzzled, Mark relaxed his shoulders and leaned back, placing his elbow over the back of the sofa and propping up his head with his hand. He studied Jeff for a moment and then said, "So it's not a legal matter then?"
"Oh no, it very much is."
He couldn't stop his bitter laugh and then closed his eyes.
"Are you sick?"
"Nothing like that. It's just." He opened his eyes and noticed Mark was as attentive as he had ever seen him, and it was a huge relief.
"I…." He wasn't sure how to put it in words, to actually say it out loud. His heartbeat was rapid but just below threshold for a panic attack and that made it even more difficult.
"It's okay. You can tell me anything."
"It's about a paternity matter."
He let that sink in not necessarily for dramatic effect but because he couldn't really continue. For the first time in his life he had no words ready. Instead he merely stared at Mark, hoping he'd understand.
Mark raised his brows and said, "Ahhh." He then gulped and continued, "Did someone contact you? And um, is this recent or…?"
-"Hell no. A few years ago."
He had wanted to squash that assumption in the bud, and that temporary fury actually helped him steady himself so he explained, "An ex-girlfriend. We were together right before Annie and I started dating. She has a son who was born pretty much exactly nine months after we last were together. I met him."
"Oh no, Jeff, you shouldn't have seen him. I don't care what this woman says. There's reasons people lie about these types of things, as you should know."
With irritation, Jeff explained, "She didn't come to me. I figured it out. She doesn't even know that I know." He took another deep breath and continued, "It's complicated, but it turns out they live right around the corner and her kid and my kid," he paused as he considered that was odd wording, "hit it off as I talked with her now husband whom I also happen to know from a past life. He has no clue and is in the process of telling her probably just about now that I'm here and that I've met the kid. But the poor sap has no idea what's happening."
Mark's mouth literally fell open and he squeaked.
"I know. It's insane."
Composing himself, Mark asked, "I take it you have sound reason to believe this child might be yours?"
"I'm not one hundred percent sure, but I think it's definitely a situation for a paternity test."
"I hate to say this Jeff but," Mark sighed and added, "Do you really want to open up this can of worms?"
"You're not serious? I am not turning my back on my kid, even if his mom is a terrible person. If anything, I feel awful for her husband, but that's not my problem. There's no fucking way my kid is going to think someone else is his father and find out is some mishap some day about me and think I didn't want him. Which is what I would essentially be saying if I let this lie."
"You and your righteousness. I respect it, but jeez."
"Yeah yeah yeah."
"Jeff, we should talk strategy."
"I'm listening."
"First, let's have some beer."