Chapter 10

I couldn't recall much of the journey back to the Normandy; my entire focus was on keeping the turian male awake. The moment we boarded the ship Dr. Chakwas, and a few of the crew members, were there waiting for us with a gurney ready. A frown had appeared on her face as soon as she saw who it was that was injured.

"Lay him here," she said with all the authority of the Commander. Zaeed, Shepard and I had helped to lay the turian down on the gurney, though his bulky armor was not helping him lie prone. It was probably a good thing. With him sitting up like that, the blood rush would stay mostly away from his open wound.

While the crew had started moving Garrus off to the med bay, I followed right beside him. I had not let go of his hand since we left that hell hole and he seemed all right with it, keeping his blue gaze focused on my own. I could hear Shepard's steps right behind me as I kept talking in a soothing way to the turian, telling him that he was doing well, he was going to be all right. There had been a spark of something in his eyes and he, despite his trouble breathing, he had given me that turian smile of his.

The moment we reached the med bay, the doc had turned to me and held out a hand to hold me back. I still held Garrus' hand tightly and I refused to let go, the gurney coming to a stop in the middle of the medical bay. "I'll take care of him Estella. He'll be all right."

"B-but... Y-you n-need my h-help. That's what I-I'm here for."

Dr. Chakwas smiled at me as she reached down to carefully remove my hand from Garrus'. He had let go after the doc had to pry my fingers one by one from his three-fingered grip, though I could feel the hesitance in his motion. She then took my hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. "You did by making sure to slow his blood flow and keeping him awake until he got here. You have done more than enough. You need to get some rest." Her eyes had flicked behind me and gave a nod. "Commander, if you could take Moreno from here? I've got everything handled."

I felt an arm wrap around my left one as I cast one last glance at Garrus. He stared back at me, struggling to breathe, the look in his blue eyes was hard to decipher. However, I didn't put up any further arguments as Shepard helped me out of the medical bay. I could feel my body finally begin to relax and the adrenalin that had been pumping through my system had finally run its course. I slumped against the Commander, my moves becoming more sluggish as she took me away from the med bay. She didn't say anything by way of complaint. She simply held onto me and gave me the much needed support.

I didn't ask where she was taking me. I assumed it was to my own closet of a room aboard this ship. I was just grateful for the help to stand. However, when we bypassed my room, my senses came back to life. I looked back at the small door that led to my room before looking at the Commander in question. She didn't look at me and instead guided me to the elevator. When the doors to the elevator opened, Shepard helped me in and kept a firm hold on me as she pressed on the holographic console for the top-level of the ship.

"Where are you...?"

"You need to time away from others," said Shepard as she hefted me further up against her frame for better support, her arm moving around my waist. The slight feel of my stomach dropping slightly was a sure indication that we were moving up. She looked at me and gave an understanding smile. "You're a nurse by trade. Saving lives is what you do. Not taking them. I'm surprised the shock hasn't hit your system yet."

I frowned at that as the motion came to a stop and the doors opened. She helped me across a small walkway and toward another door. "I'm sure it will any moment now," I said in reply as she led me into her quarters and turned slightly to the right where another door stood.

"El, you need the time to yourself to process everything that had happened," she said as she released her hold on me. "The shock is going to be its worst right after a battle, especially for your first true combat. You need this time away from the others. You can use my shower to get yourself clean. Use my bed and get some sleep. Take as long as you want. I'll have some of your casual clothing brought up. From here on out, you are off duty until I say you are deemed fit. Understand?"

I let out a small smile as I looked at Shepard and gave a small nod. "Yes, Commander," I said as I moved to lean against the wall beside me. "Though, I doubt you would be this kind to the other crew members.

She smiled at me in turn as she took a step back from me, watching me carefully to make sure I didn't fall over. "I would if it was someone who had never had been in combat before. All of the members of this crew have seen some action in one form or another. Even the doc. You though... You're new to this."

I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to break through. "I know... If I had the choice though, I would do it all over again... Just to help you Shepard."

"Jane," she said and I opened my eyes to look at her in question. She was smiling slightly as she folded her arms across her armored chest. "I think you can call me Jane now. At least while we're here on the ship."

I smiled at that and gave a nod. She reached out to give my upper arm an affectionate pat before she turned and headed further into her room, no doubt to get comfortable herself. Turning and activating the door, I made my way into a large bathroom and motioned with my omni-tool for the door to lock behind me. Once that was done, I stripped myself of what was left of my armor, med tech suit, my weapons, and finally my undergarments, before heading toward the shower. I pressed a few keys on the console and adjusted the temperature of the water to as hot as I could tolerate. It fell down in a spray of delicious massaging rivulets that drenched me within moments.

I held my hands out to the soap dispenser next to the console, watched the foamy yellow liquid pile in my palms, before I started to lather myself. I closed my eyes, rubbing the soap over my body, but I could not get the image of blue and red blood off my skin. I rubbed harder and harder as my memory played back the echo of shots fired and dying screams and moans. I could see nothing else but Garrus' blue eyes as he gasped for breath and there was nothing I could do to could heal his wound right there and then. The fear that we might not save him in time...

I fell against the wall of the shower and slid down to the floor, the hot water cascading over my trembling form as my wracking sobs overtook me...

-o-

The shower had been desperately needed.

I had stayed within its sweet warmth until it began to cool and I finally found the strength in my legs to stand. I motioned to the console to shut off the water and I stepped out on to the black rubber mat, my eyes drawn to my right as I saw a large closet that held several piles of white towels. I went over and grabbed one, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror that spanned the wall on my left above the metallic sink and counter.

I turned to stare as I wrapped the towel around my breasts. I stepped closer to the mirror, studying my reflection. My eyes were the same shade of earthy brown I knew well and my dark brown hair was curling from the recent shower. My skin looked slightly flushed but the exhaustion was clear beneath my eyes. On closer inspection, I could make out the wound that Shepard had pointed out earlier on my left cheek and let out a shaky sigh. It had stopped bleeding but it had not healed. A slight red glow could be seen, pulsing gently in time with my heartbeat. I closed eyes and pushed away from the sink, leaving the bathroom altogether.

Out in the Commander's quarters, I made my way slowly past a display case on my right, past the work area for the commander which contained her desk, some shelves and her console. Down a short flight of steps to the room proper, there was an aquarium that spanned the length of most of the wall on my left, though there was no fish within it at this time. To my right was a sitting area for when Shepard could entertain guests and another desk and console. Straight ahead was a queen sized bed, a nightstand on either side of it, (the one on the right had a holographic clock) and to the left was her own vast array of drawers and a closet.

Cerberus did not hesitate to add in personal taste when creating this loft.

I turned my attention back to the bed and found a loose-fitting, navy blue blouse with white flowers embroidered along the bell sleeves, the neckline, and hemlines of the piece. A pair of black flared jeans was lying beside them and a pair of standard issued black boots rested on the floor. They were from my personal wardrobe. I smiled at the thoughtfulness of Shepard and wondered where she had gone to. I had been in the shower for a while...

Ignoring the thought, I got dressed and made my way back to the bathroom to tame my hair. I tossed the towel down the laundry chute and went to the sink. There was a cosmetic cabinet in the wall to the right of the sink that had an assortment of accessories and styling products that could be used for getting one's hair just right. A half an hour later, with my hair straightened and with a bit of product to keep the frizz down. I sighed as I picked up my discarded equipment- making a note to myself to give Zaeed his rifle back- before I made my way back to the room proper and sat down on the bed. I set the equipment down on the floor and lay back in the bed.

I didn't remember falling asleep. I was in that state where you were in between. Almost asleep and not fully awake...

I did remember the feel of the blanket being wrapped around me before my weariness finally took over...

-o-

"...Ms. Moreno, please wake up..."

The voice that finally broke through my consciousness was familiar and I groaned as my mind came back to the plane of consciousness. I had a hard time focusing on any particular train of thought. That was until flashes of the last mission replayed in my mind's eye and I sat up in a frightened state, awake and alert. I searched desperately for my pistol but found nothing on my hip. I looked around frantically but all that I found was an unfamiliar nightstand with a holographic clock. I looked at my surroundings and recognized Shepard's cabin.

I sighed, the shock still left over from the battles finally fading away as realization coursed through me. I was on the Normandy and I was safe for the meantime. I looked around, trying to find the source of the voice that had called to me. "EDI? I'm awake. Is everything all right?"

The AI's voice came through my comm but I could see her hologram emerge to the right of the only door of the room. It was a sphere on top of a cylindrical platform; the sphere bore the lights of a wave display that reminded me of those old stereos that measured the sound output in the display. However, EDI's was horizontal and her display measured the inflections of her synthesized voice.

"Ms. Moreno, Commander Shepard has requested that you meet her down in the communications room. There was something she wished to discuss with you."

A frown touched my features as I tossed back the blanket and climbed out of bed, my boots settling firmly on the floor. "Of course," I said, standing carefully as I tried to regain my focus. I walked around the bed to pick up my equipment from the floor but paused when I found nothing. "Uh... Dee? Where are my things?"

"Shepard had them removed while you were asleep," said the AI in response. "She had your uniform and armor repaired. Your weapons had been returned to the Armory though the sniper rife has been returned to its rightful owner."

"Oh," was all I could think to say and gave a nod. "G-good... thank you Dee. I'll be down to the communications room shortly. Would you let the Commander know?"

"Of course," her voice came with its usual professionalism. "Logging you out, Ms. Moreno."

I stared around the room before I turned to fix the bed sheets back the way I had found them. Nice and neat. I left the commander's quarters and took the elevator down. The entire way I walked out of the elevator and towards the communications room, all I could think was that something had changed. I wasn't sure what it was but something in me had changed completely. I felt like I used to. The husk I had been before this new life: Depressed. Confused. Scared...

"El!"

I glanced up at the sound of my name and a gentle smile touched my features as I saw Jacob making his way down the corridor toward me. He must have left the communications room himself. He stopped in front of me, a worried look on his face as his dark eyes flicked over me.

"Are you OK? You look like hell," he said.

I let out a huff of laughter at that and barely gave a nod in response. "It's... I'm..." I paused at this, trying to find the words to explain to my friend how I was feeling. I couldn't find them and I simply allowed my shoulders to slump, shaking my head slowly. "I'll make it through. Don't worry."

He frowned lightly at that but said nothing else. He simply reached out to grasp my shoulder in one hand, a reassuring gesture, before he continued on his way. I watched him leave before turning back around to head to the communications room.

The door had opened at my approach and I was greeted by the sight of Commander Shepard standing beside a long table. She was dressed in casual attire, at least casual for her. It was like the black and white standard issued outfits that most of the crew wore except it was... more detailed, is all I could describe it as. There were more pockets in the pants but not much else of a difference. I wondered if she would be interested in trying my kind of clothing...

"Jane," I said in greeting as I let a small smile appear, walking slowly into the room. "You wanted to s-" I paused in mid-step, shock registering in my system as a familiar tall form caught my eye. Familiar cobalt blue armor adorned his lean frame though the singed areas and bullet holes in the armor of his high-necked collar and shoulders were testament to the battles that had happened. "Angel...?"

He turned at the sound of my voice and a smile touched his turian features as he caught sight of me. "Estella," he said, the majority of the right side of his face, covered by the unmistakable sight of dressings, bringing a pang of sadness. "I'm surprised to see I'm up before you," he continued, his voice bringing that unmistakable rush of attraction and I was surprised at how welcome the feeling was. I hadn't realized just how deeply his injury had affected me on top of everything else.

I wanted to rush to him. I wanted to take him into a tight hug and cry so hard that I couldn't breathe. I wanted to know that he was OK. However, I didn't give in to the impulse. It would not be right and I would have injured him further, I was sure of it.

It was just...

It was so strange to have seen the injury happen before my eyes and being helpless to do anything aside from offering comfort. To see that he was all right...

I didn't realize the tears had streamed down my face as I stared at him, my breath hitching as I tried to soothe the aching tightness in my chest. He had been the one to move toward me, the slight concern in his blue eyes clear, as he reached out a hand. "Hey now, what's-"

"I'm happy to see you're all right," was all I said in response, furiously wiping the tears away, before I turned my gaze away to focus on Shepard. "EDI said you wished to discuss something with me. I'm here now. What can I do to help?"

Shepard studied me, understanding clear in her gaze, before she reached out to activate her omni-tool. "I needed to get your report on our recent mission. It's standard procedure." She fixed her gaze back on me before quickly flicking to Garrus.

I couldn't help following her gaze back to the turian, who was studying me with obvious concern and worry. I quickly looked away, unsure about why my emotions were going so haywire. I barely gave a nod in consent as I reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. "I'll... I..." I hesitated before I straightened my posture and stood as tall as able. "I'll have that to you by 23:00. Is there anything else I can do for you, Commander?" I clamped down on my emotions and pulled forth my cloak of an RN.

This was just a job. Like any surgery. Once the surgery was complete, the prognosis reports were essential to maintaining the aftercare of the patient to prevent any further injury or ill-treatment.

Emotions had no place in this.

Shepard looked slightly surprised at the sudden change in me but said nothing as she waved me off, indicating I was dismissed. I gave a nod and turned away, not sparing a glance at Garrus, as I left the room and headed back toward the medical bay.