A/N: Hello again after a (seeming) 10 year absence! There are quite a few reasons why I'm delayed in finishing this story - the holidays, moving, general 2020 madness, no desire to write - but I'm back to finish the job. With that being said, I had to break this last part into two chapters from one because the length was getting unmanageable. (That happens to me often).

The good news with that is you readers won't have to wait long to get the final installment. I will post it in a couple days.

To Burst and Bleed with Intention

Chapter 11

Both Hermione and Harry were amazed by how quickly Benji grew. His emerging personality shined more with each passing day and his parents were pleased by how easy going of a baby he was. Hermione loved to hear the noises he made (especially the coos) and appreciated that he typically only cried out of necessity, but he had his moments when he was markedly grumpy and they reminded her just a little too much of when Harry got testy. There was something else he shared with his father that was also cementing itself: his black hair. Benji's hair had been straight and wispy up until he was four weeks old, at which point it'd started to curl into a pattern that would not lie flat when brushed down. Most of it would fall in line but the ends remained obstinate and retained their curls, and Hermione feared (knew) it would simply worsen as the months went by. And to top it off, she was unsure if her hair or Harry's hair was to blame.

The baby was six weeks old when he was taken on his first walk in the stroller by his parents. Benji cried at first, unhappy with the cold air, and a nervous Hermione hugged him in her arms while verbally expressing her doubts about the planned activity.

"Perhaps we should wait. He's fussy... he's not in the right mood," the young mother suggested.

"He can't stay inside forever, Hermione. He'll be fine," Harry notified, bending in front of the stroller with his wand, "We'll charm the pram so it stays warm for him."

He beckoned for Benji after the spell was cast and she reluctantly handed him over. He informed the infant that things were okay while he carefully situated him in the seat, then remained crouched as he helped to calm his son through touch. When Benji's whimpers tapered off, Harry stood and looked expectantly at Hermione as if to say "see?" To further ensure that he stayed content during the walk, he was given a pacifier for the very first time. He looked at his father with scrunched eyebrows as he sucked on it and processed this new object that was so different yet so similar to the wonderful food source that came from his mother; consequently, he signified his acceptance of it by emitting a few coos and sucking particularly hard.

"He likes the dummy." Harry said with half a grin. Hermione nodded, smiling from having heard him coo, and swooped down to drop a kiss on Benji's forehead.

The pair kept a watchful eye while they trekked through the Grangers' neighborhood for 30 minutes but Harry more so, wanting to make sure they were not taken by surprise by paparazzi or zealous citizens. They had yet to take Benji on a public outing but submitted a picture of him to the Prophet two days previously to keep their upper hand and allay the wizarding population's need for all things Harry Potter.

Their jaunt was not rife with conversation but it was easy when it was made… that is until one sentence came from Hermione's mouth.

"Tell me about Gemma," she stated, walking on Harry's left side and peering at him.

She had been quiet for a handful of minutes as she scrounged up the fortitude necessary to make this request, the topic of which had been on her mind for the past number of days. This time seemed better than any other as of late to ask although she reasoned there was hardly ever an ideal time to discuss such sensitive matters with him.

Harry was pushing the stroller and, at her words, she saw his hands tighten on the bar and his jaw set. (The brunette knew he was highly uncomfortable, upset, or defensive when his jaw tightened).

"Why?" he questioned after an entire minute. He sounded incredibly calm.

"Because I want to know about her."

"Why?"

"Because she was the one you asked to cheat with my boyfriend." Hermione pointed out. The wizard clenched and unclenched his fingers as he exhaled through his nose.

"What brought this up?" he wondered.

"She's been on my mind for the past year. I've thought about her since I saw her in your memories."

"I don't know why knowing about her will make you feel better."

"I didn't say it would. But I do deserve to know," she claimed, "These are all conversations we never had that we should have, Harry. I'm owed them."

It was quiet for a bit.

"Well go on," he bit out, staring at the stroller's awning. Hermione released the breath she'd been holding and then pondered:

"Did she know I was dating Troy?"

"She found out soon after meeting him."

"Hmm. And that wasn't enough to stop her… pleasing you clearly meant more to her."

The wizard side eyed her and shrugged.

"Do you still see her?" she inquired.

"I haven't seen or spoken to her since you left for Canada, and she hasn't bothered to contact me." Harry revealed.

"Was she your girlfriend?"

"Of course not." This came out quickly and as a scoff.

"Where'd you meet her?" Hermione wondered.

"Through an old acquaintance," Harry remarked, "I don't speak to him anymore, either."

"Did you see her often?"

"I saw her more when you weren't speaking to me."

"Did you like her?" she posed, her voice muted. There was some silence while he thought. He had liked the sex he got from her and the fact that she was willing to do many things for him, but she herself had been vapid. The blonde could have been anyone, really.

Harry shrugged one shoulder.

"I liked her enough," he noted.

"Did you apologize to her? For using her?"

Harry turned his head to gaze at her and looked disbelieving. His mouth was open as he struggled to find the appropriate response.

"Believe it or not, she wasn't some helpless damsel, Hermione! Fine - I used her. But she never once said anything against it. Not once! She had no problem doing it," explained Harry, sounding rather frustrated, "That wasn't her first time doing something awful; she's done quite a few dodgy things in her lifetime. I didn't take some angel and corrupt her, you know? She was willing to join me in my mess."

It was quiet once more, for a much longer period of time. Hermione peered at the sidewalk or the stroller but not at the dark haired wizard next to her. It was obvious she was thinking. Harry wanted to know what was on her mind and felt antsy the longer she remained quiet. When he could take it no longer, he questioned:

"Was that… are you all right?" He glanced at her with a frown. He had tried to keep her from asking about Gemma for this reason - so it would not ruin her mood!

The Muggleborn was the one to shrug this time.

"I asked. I knew I wouldn't be thrilled by what you told me, but now I know," she relayed. He sighed.

"Look… it was never anything more than fun with her, if you want to call it that. She was a nice distraction when you would have nothing to do with me and I was angry about it. I knew she would go along with my idea to break you up from Heathcliff and that's why I asked her. That's really all there is to it." Harry attested in a low voice. After a pause, she nodded.

"I'll push Benji. It's my turn."

This was the last thing Hermione said until the trio concluded its walk ten minutes later and was standing on her front porch. Her non-responsiveness had left Harry agitated and worried that she might cut his visit short and tell him to leave now that they were back, and a part of him felt bitter about the possibility because she had insisted they discuss Gemma. The brunette removed Benji from his stroller and her mood seemed to instantly lift as she smiled sweetly at him.

"Hello Benjamin," she sing-songed, "Did my little prince enjoy his walk?" She gently took the pacifier out of his mouth. It took a few tugs but he finally released it, and she rewarded the infant with another grin for complying. Benji stared at her for only a moment before copying his mother's facial expression to show his own happiness, and the brightness of it lit up his entire face. Hermione gasped.

"Harry, look! He's smiling! Intentionally!" she exclaimed. The stroller clattered to the ground as Harry abandoned folding it and stood at her elbow in a heartbeat. Afraid that it may have been too quick for him to witness, he was relieved, and amazed, to see that the baby still wore an adorable smile.

"I've never seen him do that," he noted while he stared in awe.

"I know! It's only the second time he's smiled socially!" Hermione reported. The first time had been two days previously when Benji was reunited with her after she took a nap and she greeted him with enthusiasm after taking him from Mr. Granger's arms. (She had excitedly told Harry about the incident and he'd been disappointed that he'd not been present to see the milestone himself).

"You liked the walk, did you? Or is it your mum or the dummy you like?" the young man pondered. An unnoticed smile was shaping his mouth and he tapped the infant's nose twice. Benji's smile was reinforced with the motion and he kicked his feet, causing Harry to grin fully and Hermione to give a delighted laugh.

"All of the above! He likes walks and his mummy and his new treasure," the brunette attested, jiggling the pacifier in her hand and gazing at her child, "And he likes Daddy, too."

Harry quickly peered at Hermione but she kept babbling to Benji, too consumed with the infant to pay him any mind. He watched her interact with their son and felt a growing sense of wholeness that matched his smile as each second ticked away.

As the days came and went and Benji developed, Hermione recognized that she had to decide what to do regarding work. She knew she could return to the Ministry department in which she had been stationed before moving to Canada, and she would welcome it, but committing to the idea was difficult because it would mean leaving Benji. Originally, she'd considered going back to work when he was three months old but that benchmark arrived much too soon and he still seemed much too small to leave, even knowing that Molly was waiting in the wings as a spare babysitter. The young witch was not ready, simply put, so she decided to give herself another three months of time with her child and return to work when he was six months old. She also wanted more time to observe Harry and confirm that he was ready to care for Benji on his own when she was at work, but she did not vocalize this to him lest it cause a fight.

Incidentally, three months was a significant point in Benji's life, for him and his parents. One week after this milestone, Debbie arrived in the UK to stay with the Grangers for a short period of time. She and Hermione rejoiced in seeing one another again and she positively fawned over the baby, like everyone else who met him. There was one day that Hermione fulfilled her role as host and took her friend into London, as Debbie had never been to England, and the 10 hours they were out was the longest amount of time the witch had been away from Benji. It had been wonderful to take a break from active motherhood duties and reconnect with a friend, admittedly, but Hermione found there was no reward like the joy of returning to her child after time away.

Harry stayed away from the Grangers while the Canadian woman visited. He did not want to meet someone new or be judged by Debbie after Hermione told her God knew what about him, but he did have a discreet fire call with the brunette witch two of the evenings Debbie was there in order to see Benji for a few minutes. Naturally, Debbie was curious about Harry and hoped to catch sight of him at least once but expected nothing less when it did not come to pass. However, she was glad to hear from Hermione that she and her baby's father were on good terms when it came to raising Benji, and it seemed it would stay that way for the foreseeable future.

While mother and son were preoccupied by Debbie for those number of days, Harry prepared himself for a conversation he intended to have with Hermione. He had not brought up the issue of Benji being allowed to visit Grimmauld Place since the day after the birth, when Hermione said they would revisit the topic after he was one month old. Well, two additional months had passed and neither he nor she had said another word about it. Harry had gotten into a groove - gotten used to the arrangement of spending time with Benji at the Grangers' multiple times a week - and it fell to the back of his mind. Hermione, too, had fallen into the routine of their parenting arrangement and easily allowed it to slip from her mind (for she had not been crazy about the idea to begin with). It was not until Debbie had been gone from English soil for a few days and Christmas was five days away that the dark haired wizard broached the subject.

"When can Benji come to Grimmauld?" he asked abruptly, seated on the sofa in the Grangers' living room. He was leaned over with his forearms on his knees while Hermione sat on the floor close to the Christmas tree, Benji in her lap. This was their spot because the baby loved staring at the tree and would often reach for the ornaments.

The Muggleborn scrunched her brow and peered at Harry. She'd been interrupted from thinking how this time a year ago her life had fallen to pieces after Harry dismantled her relationship with Troy and sexually manipulated her, and she'd been an emotional wreck; now, she had an infant in her arms because of that fallout.

"Sorry?" she uttered.

"You said we would talk about him visiting Grimmauld after he was a month old. It didn't happen and now he's three and a half."

"Oh. Yes. Grimmauld."

Hermione gazed at the tree like Benji was, diving back into her thoughts.

"Well?," prompted Harry a tad impatiently when she said nothing more, "Has his immunity built enough? Do you finally believe I'm sticking around? Will you loosen my leash?"

"Stop it," she retorted, glaring at him. She was already feeling morose from reflecting where she'd been a year ago and did not want his attitude in addition to that.

He noticed her edge and frowned, deciding to change his approach. New Harry was interested in stoking the fires for a fight because he was being treated unfairly, but Old Harry was noticeably louder and told him to drop it, to not upset her further.

"Let my son come to where I live, Hermione. I've done everything your way since you've been back," he declared, looking at her solemnly, "Give me something. This is all I'm asking. Please."

The young woman stared at him with an impassive expression before glancing at Benji and tenderly petting his black locks.

"Okay. Yes. He can go, after Christmas." Hermione replied. Harry exhaled and dropped his shoulders before saying:

"Thank you."

She kept quiet and they listened to the baby gurgle at the tree. Consequently, Harry's frown returned at her continued silence and he started to wonder what was going through her head. She had seemed detached since his arrival two hours ago, in fact, but he had no clue as to why. Was it related to him? Would she want to speak about it?

"Hermione?" he commenced, deciding to see if he could discover the reason for her distance. Hermione, however, turned suddenly and offered Benji to him (whom he accepted on instinct).

"Do you mind?," she questioned, "I… I just need a bit of time. I'll be back."

Harry felt stunned as he and Benji watched her leave the room and go up the stairs without a backward glance. What just happened? She had never left Benji with him and disappeared without explanation up to this point. It was so unlike her! She was usually attentive and engaged, for most things. What was going on with her at the moment? It worried the wizard and some part of him wanted to follow her to check in, but he stayed put and looked at Benji with a small frown, asking the infant if he knew what was bothering his mother.

Hermione and Benji spent Christmas Eve at the Burrow with her magical family. All of the Weasleys were present along with Neville and his grandmother and Luna and her father, and four extra guests stopped in as well: Hagrid, McGonagall, Andromeda Tonks and a toddler Teddy Lupin. It was a terrific surprise for Hermione to see their faces and she shed a healthy amount of tears over it (not the only one to do so). All three adults were touched to see Benji in person yet saddened by the reminder of the general loss of Harry, but they were assuaged to hear Hermione's report that he was a faithful father. Additionally, Andromeda privately shared something with the brunette that contributed to the tears she released that day. The older woman revealed that she sent Harry letters on Teddy's birthday and Christmas for the past two years despite his self-imposed seclusion, letters to which he did not respond. However, she received a (short) reply that very morning for the Christmas letter she sent him this year - the first reply she'd gotten out of five letters.

"This beautiful child may be able to do for Harry what no one else could. No one but you, of course, dear." Andromeda remarked. She smiled hopefully at Hermione before caressing Benji's cheek. The Muggleborn was gratified to hear about Harry's responsiveness to Teddy's grandmother but had conflicting feelings about Andromeda's prediction, so she only responded with what she knew to be true.

"He's... he's trying. And that makes me happy."

Incidentally, Harry was invited to the Grangers' home on Christmas day. He'd debated with Hermione about going because he did not want to endure the tension with her parents (mostly Simon) but she insisted he come, in disbelief that he would miss Benji's first Christmas.

"This isn't me inviting you on my own. My mum wants you there too! She said you must be there for his first Christmas, that it's something no parent should miss," she attested. He grumbled to himself before it got quiet.

"They both see how committed you are to Benji. I know they appreciate it, even if my dad may never say it," Hermione added, trying to catch his eye, "And I don't want you to be alone that day." Harry's head remained down but his eyes rose to meet hers.

"Fine. Okay," he uttered after a moment. She flashed him a smile and nodded in satisfaction.

"Breakfast is at nine o'clock."

Harry's everlasting desire to be with Hermione and Benji is what overcame his aversion to spending prolonged time with her parents on a day that was meant to be about family and cheer, although that did not stop him from carrying trepidation to the front door on Christmas morning. He worried about feeling out of place, as he was not family and certainly not cheerful.

"Happy Christmas, Harry!" Hermione greeted when she opened the door with gusto. Benji was secured by her left arm and dressed to match his mother. She was wearing a long sleeved, red dress with gold trim and the infant was dressed in red pants and a white shirt, with gold socks on his feet.

The dark haired young man grinned slightly at the image before him. They both looked adorable, adorable enough to eclipse his dark attire of black jeans and a black and green plaid flannel. (At least the green was something that could be considered festive)!

"Happy Christmas," he muttered. Hermione motioned him inside and he went, taking Benji from her side and grinning further at his son. The baby showed a gummy smile in reply and frantically waved his arms. Harry followed her to the kitchen and so happened to glance at the fireplace in the sitting room, where four stockings representing everyone in the family had been hung for the past two weeks. He was, therefore, shocked to see a fifth stocking, one that had not been present during his visit two days prior, one that had his name on it. He gawked at it before peering at the back of Hermione's head and, without his permission, felt much of the apprehension begin to dwindle.

When Benji was roughly one week away from turning four months old, Hermione finally allowed him to visit Grimmauld Place, as she'd promised Harry. Conversely, her skepticism over bringing him to the former Black residence was the highest it had ever been, and not because of Harry's behavior. The home was just too gloomy and foreboding, and she did not want to expose the small boy to that kind of environment. As she steeled herself and walked through the front door with Benji in her arms, that skepticism evaporated instantaneously when she walked through the main living room and its adjoining rooms with an open mouth.

It was not the house she remembered. All of the walls had new paint - beige, which was quite the contrast from the previous gray - and many objects and furniture that had been staples had been removed. There was new furniture, and in the kitchen and bathrooms a couple appliances had been replaced. What was more, this theme of newness carried throughout the entire structure; most of the rooms in the house had been touched to some degree. But what really took Hermione's breath away was Regulus' old room, which had been transformed entirely. It was the brightest room in the home with the baseboards painted green like grass, the walls painted off white, and the ceiling painted sky blue. There was a crib, bassinet, toy chest, bookshelves, two armchairs, and a large, white, plush rug in the middle of it all. It was perfect, and it brought tears to Hermione's eyes and a hand to her mouth. Harry hesitantly watched her take it all in before he offered an explanation.

"You said Grimmauld was dreary, was no place for a baby. You were right," he murmured, scratching the back of his neck, "So Kreacher and I… changed some things. He wasn't happy with the idea at first but I let him keep what he wanted in the attic, and he was keen to have so many things to do. It worked out." She whipped her head to look at him, water still brimming her eyes.

"It's... Harry, it's splendid. All of it. I wasn't expecting...," she remarked, trailing off before speaking again, "You two did everything on your own?"

"Magic makes everything easier - except the painting. I did that all by hand." He did not mention that painting had been rather cathartic, a surprising revelation that spurred him to paint every surface that needed it.

"I can't believe you did all this." Hermione noted, peering around the room again. Benji, too, had been mesmerized by the space upon entry and let out an enthusiastic shriek at all the visual stimulation.

"We had three months. Loads of time," Harry shrugged, glancing at his son, "And I did it for Benji. I'm glad he gets to finally see it all." She looked at him once more, continuing to appear emotional.

"Why didn't you ever say that you were remodeling?"

"I dunno."

The wizard seemed a bit uncomfortable now but Hermione only stared at him for another moment before she acted. Without warning, she grabbed his collar with her available hand, pulled him down, and planted a firm kiss on his cheek. Benji acted as well and, with Harry's new position, he took the opportunity to rapidly throw out a pudgy, little hand and seize his father's hair. Harry was assailed by emotion at the simultaneous acts, although shock led the forefront. He was shocked that the brunette had kissed him (it was the first gesture of physical affection she had shown him since Benji's conception) and by the baby's sudden maneuver. However, there was also mounting amusement by Benji's antics and undeniable pleasure from Hermione's gesture.

She'd kissed him!

"Oh, no. Benjamin, let go of Daddy," she instructed. She sounded both stern and entertained, and the infant squealed happily at being addressed. She gave a humored snort before removing Benji's hand, who screamed again but in objection, and took a step back, permitting Harry to straighten up. He was grinning and his eyes darted between mother and baby.

"I reckon that was his way of saying he approves?" the young man posed, ruffling the spot of hair Benji had grabbed.

"Yes. And the kiss was mine."

They gazed at each other (somewhat heatedly) until she smiled beatifically at him, jostled Benji on her hip, and walked farther in the room to investigate. Hermione pointed things out to the small boy as they walked around the room and Harry silently observed them, remaining in his spot. She appreciated the house's renovations, she loved Benji's room, and she had actually kissed him. She was happy and he was the cause... he had almost forgotten what that felt like.

Hermione could not help but gush to her parents and Hogwarts friends about the changes Harry made to his living space for his child's sake. Simon and Ron were stunned by the news, Darla was mollified, Luna and Fluer were pleased, and Ginny seemed ambivalent. Hermione and Benji began venturing to Grimmauld twice a week while Harry's travels to the Grangers' reduced to once a week, and he welcomed both changes. Once the grand home officially opened to Benji, many important conversations happened there between his parents. The topics were often strenuous or would have strenuous patches, just based on their unsavory history following the war, yet it was unusual for them to leave one another without the issue being (somewhat) resolved.

One of the more memorable conversations involved Ron and left Harry frustrated and flustered, bewildered at how Hermione had gotten his stance to align more with hers at the end of it. The little family had been situated in the library as Harry entertained Benji with a Snitch rattle and Hermione scanned through a book, although her attention was equally invested in the two males.

"What position do you think you might play, then?," the dark haired wizard inquired, having just explained the differing Quidditch roles to the baby, "Which one sounds good?" Benji garbled a few somethings then reached for the rattle that was enticing him.

"Hmm. Seeker, you say? Excellent choice. I totally support that decision." Harry remarked. Hermione looked up from the book and gave a secret smile.

"You're clearly biased. If you'd been teasing him with a rattle that looked like a Quaffle, his answer might be different," the young mother pointed out. Harry glanced at her, smirking.

"He's made his choice. We have to respect it."

"You could be a Keeper like your Uncle Ron, couldn't you, sweetheart?"

Harry's jocular mood took a hit at the mention of the red head and he struggled not to roll his eyes as he let Benji (who squealed victoriously) capture the toy. Hermione, conversely, noticed his reaction.

"The two of you won't be taking Benji to Quidditch games together, I see," she muttered. He gave her a pointed look but did not answer. She allowed some time to pass before she carefully eyed him and asked a question.

"Do you think you might ever feel comfortable having Ron come to Grimmauld again?"

Harry scoffed before peering at her.

"Have you been waiting to ask me that?" he pondered, looking as though she'd sprouted another head.

"Not waiting, per se, but I have wondered about it," the witch informed, "But it's more than that - I wonder if you'll ever feel comfortable around Ron again, period. Regardless of where."

"Why?"

"Because I… I want the two of you to be able to reconnect. It would be wonderful."

"Would it?" Harry challenged.

"Yes. Because I care about you both, and we all love Benji. For his sake, I don't want to have to keep the two of you separate." Hermione explained.

"He's a baby now. It doesn't matter!"

"But it will! Eventually, it will. And it's not only that, Harry. I… I-I've thought of, of, godparents, and -"

"What?" he prompted. His voice was ominously quiet and he was studying her with a heavily furrowed brow. Hermione felt a well conditioned jolt of anxiety at Harry's reaction, but when she glanced at their baby and saw him chomping on the rattle while he watched their interaction, it quickly faded.

"I think Benji should have godparents. At least one," she attested, resolve on her face and in her voice, "And I think it should be Ron."

Benji hummed while he mouthed the toy and his mother and father stared at each other. The witch was wary but ready for whatever Harry threw at her. She felt strongly about this and would stand her ground as rationally and calmly as possible.

"Ron," the wizard stated, his tone flat. Hermione licked her lips and remarked:

"Who else? He's our - my - closest friend. He knows us well -"

"He doesn't know me anymore," came the refute.

"Not for lack of trying. He tried just as hard as I did to keep you in his life," she countered. He huffed and made a face, looking away.

"We didn't talk about godparents before he was born but I think Benji would be all the better for it. You've experienced yourself how influential they can be." Hermione continued after a moment. His expression twisted at her statement.

"Is it even necessary? Won't your parents take care of him if something happens to us?" Harry inquired, sounding irked and a little desperate (perhaps to keep from thinking of his own godfather).

"Yes they will, surely, but they're Muggles, Harry. They will only be able to do so much for his development past age 11. Benji will need someone magical to look out for him, to guide him. Ron and the rest of the Weasleys adore him! You know he'd be in excellent hands." (She refrained from saying those hands had helped nurture Harry starting at age 12. They'd helped her, as well, and many times still did).

It was silent as he stewed, scowling at the legs of the room's sofa. He had no valid reason to disagree with her; Benji would benefit from a magical godparent. Neither of them had wizarding family to rely on if they were to meet misfortune and their son would be pointedly alone, much like Harry had been. And he could not even argue that he hated or disliked Ron with conviction! The main reason he felt resistance at all was because he was not close with the red head and had not been for over two years. How would that work? It couldn't, right? Ron would obviously know it had been Hermione's doing…. She, meanwhile, peered at him in a baited fashion.

"If you don't want it to be Ron, would you consider someone else?," she posed, trying a different approach, "Maybe -"

"He's the only one I'd tolerate." Harry swiftly interjected. The Muggleborn's eyes widened at the assertion, recognizing his words seemed like possible agreement in New Harry talk. Could she hope? Had he yielded so readily?

"So, will you consider having Ron as Benji's godfather?" she wondered in a mild voice. Seconds ticked by during which the sound of Benji shaking the rattle with vehemence filled their ears.

"I'll think about it," mumbled Harry.

As it so happened, the most harrowing conversation Harry and Hermione had at Grimmauld occurred by way of Harry, rare in that he was hardly ever the initiator for such discussions. Guilt had been the principal cause for him to address the issue with Hermione and he'd wrestled with himself over whether or not to talk about it for weeks. The panicked side of him wanted to never broach this topic with her and argued that it was utterly unnecessary, that it would only make things worse between them and demolish the significant progress they'd made in the preceding months. The risk was enormous, and the panicked side almost won, but Harry knew that she deserved to hear it, even if it would end badly. (It seemed her habit of forcing him into honest conversations had rubbed off).

"I need to tell you something," he mumbled. He was seated on the floor, staring at the carpet in Benji's room. Hermione looked up from placing a book back in its place on the shelf while her thoughts about feeding the baby halted.

"Okay..." she said, drawing out the word. She read his defeated body language and immediately felt hesitant. The wizard sighed and rubbed his eyes. It took some time before he spoke.

"I struggled to accept that you were gone, when you were in Canada. It ate at me most of the time. I didn't know how to handle it and I… I just needed to find you. I had to. That's what it felt like," he explained. The brunette was looking at him seriously with her hands held in front of her, earnest to know where this was going.

"When it got to be too much, I did something about it. Obviously, I couldn't go to anyone you know so I… I got help. From an ex-Auror I met through a, then, acquaintance," continued Harry.

"What do you mean 'help'?" Hermione questioned, feeling her heart start to plummet.

"He was meant to find out where you were. I hired him and he worked for a few months. He… he tracked your parents, at their practice and at home - that's how he found out you were living in Canada. He did the same with Ron sometimes, too, and that's how he discovered you were visiting Britain. He's the one who actually told me you were pregnant, because he saw you when you came back that last time."

The silence was deafening and prolonged. Harry, embarrassed and with a racing heart, did not dare to bring his eyes up and peer at her, nor did he feel a desire to. This was one instance where he was fine with how quiet it was.

"I wondered how you knew I was back. I thought you'd been watching the house yourself," the witch finally commented in a hollow tone, "And when I asked you how you knew, you said it didn't matter." His face scrunched and his heart maintained its wild pace. He wanted to melt into the floor.

"I…"

He what? He was sorry he had stalked her? A mere sorry for that? It sounded ridiculous, and although it was more complicated than that and he had similar, complicated feelings, he did not know what to say.

"I think Benji and I will leave early today." (This came out in the same, hollow tone).

Harry swallowed then gave a feeble nod in understanding. He was unsurprised by this declaration. She had been there for less than two hours but he would have been shocked if she'd stayed after his revelation. He listened to her move around the room and held his breath when she brushed past him to retrieve Benji from the crib. She exited the room without acknowledging him further and his eyes never once left the carpet.

Hermione avoided Grimmauld and refused communication with Harry for three days. She was shaken and outraged, and felt supremely violated. The man had stalked her! He'd paid someone to stalk her. The fear specifically attached to Harry she'd felt so often in the past hit her hard the first day but she was livid by the second day; invading her privacy in such a dire way was precisely what Harry would have done all those months ago. However, on the third day, Hermione's state of mind shifted. She recognized she had every right to feel the way she did yet remembered that she was no angel herself. Hiding the majority of her pregnancy from him was the most egregious act she'd committed and, morally, seemed no better than what he'd admitted. And that was the thing - he had admitted to it. Harry could have taken the truth to his grave without her being any the wiser but he'd confessed.

Viewing this as another indication of change, Hermione fire called him on day four to invite him over. He consented and arrived after lunch with an unpleasant look on his face. He'd had three days to be caught in his thoughts like she had and one of those thoughts centered around his distress that he'd been unable to see or hear about Benji. It'd been distinct enough that Harry had to take a broom ride the preceding day to release the pent up emotional energy. He wanted to say that she could not do that to him now that Benji was here. She could not vanish for days on end and give him no knowledge of his child's well being! Instead, he waited for Hermione to start dialogue.

"You need to know that I absolutely hate what you did. It made me feel sick," she commenced, drawing in breath, "I can't change it, however, and I realize that you at least told me the truth. I didn't tell you that I was pregnant, that you were going to be a father, so I can't punish you for what you did. I'm… I'm sorry I kept Benji away from you. I won't do it again just because I'm upset."

The wizard, who was sitting on the sofa and holding the baby, was taken aback by what she said. He took a bit of time to process her words and form his reply while he bounced a steadily giggling Benji on his knee.

"Thank you," he murmured, "I'm sorry too."

"Are there any other surprises, Harry? Have you done anything else I should know about?"

Hermione sounded tired and rather desperate. If there were any other emotional blows she needed to take, she wanted to hear about them now and not down the line when she could be thrown off course.

"No. That… that was the last." Harry attested.

"Then and now, I hope," she said. He looked into her eyes and nodded somberly.

It was a mellow visit for the trio that day but it ended well, and Hermione couldn't help but hope that, perhaps now, they could finally stop taking two steps forward and five steps backward.