…A Child's Love…

/Warning/: This chapter contains, cursing, fluff, sadness a lot of it, a little bit of violence, Steve being a sad Mommy, and Tony losing his mind! And who knows what! All reviews are appreciated.

"Character talking"

"Character thinking"

…Flashbacks…

Chapter 11

It was painful, it was scary, and Steve was a minute away from sobbing his eyes out. The ride to the hospital was so tense; Steve remembered holding Peter and praying to God that his son will survive. It was not the first time this happened, nor will it be the last, Steve should be used to it after two years, but even after all this time, every time his baby was facing his sickness with situations like this, it makes something inside Steve break.

Steve should be thankful to Bucky, his friend was with enough sound mind to drive them to the hospital; all Steve could do was sit in the back seat with his boy, kissing his forehead and checking the rising temperature that didn't seem to go down. He should have been fast; he should have taken his boy to the hospital before his baby collapse, why did Steve wait until it was this late? What took over his mind and let him be this ignorant until it was late? So many questions running inside his mind and not enough answers to satisfy him at all.

Reaching the hospital, everything was a blur after that; he remembers Bucky taking Peter from his embrace and running to the door together, he remembers Dr. Anna as she rushed to him, he remembers them wheeling his boy away, and he remembered waiting for any sliver of good news that will cool his already burning heart.

Two hours later, Steve was finally sitting beside his baby's side, wondering how his life could be one big joke. A cold has gone wrong and ended up causing his son pneumonia; how did Steve overlook this? How did the man whose first priority is his son overlooking his baby's health? Was he so much out of his mind after the home invasion he and his baby suffered, that he didn't acknowledge his baby's health? Steve should have been the first one to notice, how did he not notice that his baby was sick?

What a good start to the holiday; Peter is going to be so sad when he realizes that he fell sick a week before Christmas. The little boy has been looking up to the holiday ever since Steve told him about his father possibly returning home for Christmas, he will be crushed when he will wake up and realize that he has been sick, with Steve's luck his baby may stay sick for the next three months because of his condition.

"Steve!" Tony's panicked voice coming behind him, made Steve blink; his hands were still holding Peter's small one in his, but even if he wasn't holding his pup's hand, he won't turn his gaze toward the Alpha panting for dear life, he couldn't face him after this, he should have known that Tony, no matter how many promises he gives him, he couldn't follow through them.

"Why are you here?" Steve asked, his voice nearly vanishing when he asked that question, he wanted so much to scream at the Alpha in front of him; he wanted to scream, and hit him, and throw things at him, just so he will realize how much Steve was hurting inside.

"W-wha… what do you mean Steve? Of course, I will be here for our son." Tony said as closed the door behind him and rushed to Steve's side, from the shocked voice the Alpha used, he probably didn't expect Steve to talk to him like that, which was so funny now Steve think about it.

"Well, that didn't stop you from abandoning us for the past two weeks, did it?" Steve spit out, whirling around until he was facing Tony, ignoring the wide eyes and shocked look the Alpha was giving him not that Steve cared about what Tony was thinking. "You can't seem to get it inside of your goddammit head, so allow me to enlighten you, Mr. Stark." Steve let go of his baby's hand, already missing the reassuring weight of his baby's small hand, but he had to make Tony understand, that he can't do what he did in the past few weeks without there being some dire consequences. "We; that means you and me, don't have that much time left with Peter, because news flash, he is sick! Do you even understand what that means? Don't you understand that any day now, the sickness will be able to defeat Peter, and my son will die; I told you from the start Tony if you can't handle this life then leave!" Steve was tried so hard to stop himself from shouting out loud, mainly because he didn't want to disturb his baby.

In any other situation, the shock on Tony's face would have been funny, but not today; today was too much, too much to handle that Steve felt like he was going to bend with the weight he was forced to carry. "I… I wanted… I thought I… I thought I could protect the two of you, so I stayed in the lab trying to…" Tony's voice was small when he said those words, but even then, Steve didn't want to listen to them, and he didn't want to hear one of Tony's futuristic delusions.

"For God's sake, Tony; can't you for once, just for once, stop looking so far into the future that you can't focus on what's around you!" Steve's voice cracked and he tried desperately to stop the tears that clouded his eyes since his son fainted from running down his face. "You always look so far, but you don't realize that neither Peter nor I have a future! The two of us can only live in the here and now; we can't play pretend anymore when our son may never stand up and face tomorrow least of all, the future you always talk about! If you wanted the future you so desperately want, why the fuck didn't you invent a cure for Peter, huh? Why did you disappear for weeks only to show up empty-handed? Just talks no result that's the thing with you." It was a lost battle, and the tears that clouded Steve's eyes from the beginning start running down his face.

Steve didn't care; he was so, so tired of always having to stand up and fight all alone, he was so tired of having hope and for that hope to dash at any giving chance there was, why can't Tony understand? If he wanted to protect them like he always claimed, then why didn't he invent a cure? Wasn't he a genius? A sob left Steve and he hated himself for showing weakness, but Steve can't anymore; he stayed standing with his head held high bearing the weight of the world on his back for so long that it ended up crushing him.

"Steve…" Tony's broken voice made Steve raise his head and look at the Alpha who was watching him with a broken look on his face; whatever Steve hoped to feel wasn't there, he felt nothing but the emptiness that threatens to consume him, leaving him more broken and hollow than he already was. Steve just shook his head, pushing Tony away from him when the Alpha came to hold him; Steve can only walk away as he tried to stop himself from breaking down.

He can't hold on anymore…

"Is he going to be OK, doctor?" Steve asked Dr. Anna, trying to stop the yawn from tiredness and sleep deprivation that wanted to leave. It has been a week since Peter was admitted to the hospital, a week of high fever and hallucination, and Steve trying to do everything he can day and night, catching sleep here and there which equals three hours a day. He was tired, so, so tired, but Steve has to hold on, for his pup, he has to hold on; he held on for two years, what a few more days?

His question caused the doctor to give him a soft smile, probably she already felt his tiredness and pain, and she knew that he was on his last nerve. "Of course, Mr. Rogers; in fact, little Peter is doing great! I even suspect that today or at least tomorrow his fever will break." The doctor gave him a reassuring smile that Steve didn't know what to do other than give her a dull smile, before turning around returning to Peter's room.

Tomorrow, huh? Steve could only give a sad sigh as he continued with his way to Peter's room. Tonight was Christmas eve, and tomorrow was Christmas Day, the day that Steve promised his baby that his father will return home; Peter was so happy when he heard the news, he remembered Peter not having a nightmare that night, too excited with the thought of his father returning home after so long for something to dampen the mood.

Tomorrow his baby will probably break his fever, and he will cry himself sick when he noticed that he got sick on Christmas day. Tomorrow if the fever didn't break it meant that Steve has to wait a few more days, weeks, for his baby to get better; it will only lead to more heartbreak when his babe noticed how long he was sick, and not even Steve will be able to calm him down.

Reaching Peter's room, Steve took a deep breath as he prepared to go inside the room; he took a deep breath and pasted a smile on his face hoping that no one will know how broken and hurt he was inside. "I'm sorry…" Steve heard when he tried to open the door, and for a second he thought that it was him who said these words aloud, these words that have been running inside of his mind for years.

"I'm sorry… it was my fault, if only I noticed…" Hearing these words once again, caused Steve to let go of the door handle and lean his head on the door, finally being able to place the voice he heard. "I screw up again, didn't I? I screw up, and you ended up here after I promised you that everything will be OK." Tony's voice cracked as he said those words, and Steve's breath hitched at the hurt and pain he heard waved in Ton's words; the same hurt and pain that festered in Steve's heart since the start, probably even before he had his baby. "Steve was right, I should stop looking to the faraway future and focus on the now; I should focus on the now before I… I…" Lose you… went unsaid, but Steve can hear it as loud as his heartbeat that was pounding in his ears.

Wrong. Steve wanted to say, scream maybe. Wrong. The only reason that Steve fell in love with Tony was him always looking up to the future. Wrong. He never ever wanted Tony to change, he was just tired and in pain and he wanted to let his anger and pain and hurt loose, and Tony; Tony was the victim of that, the first one Steve saw after the heartbreaking news he received. Steve has long since stopped looking up to the future, afraid that if he let his son slip from his sight just for a second that will be it, and Steve was going to lose him; but Tony, Tony always looked up to the future, he always gave him hope. If Tony stopped looking to the future, then who will give Steve the strength to move on?

Steve remembered years and years ago; when everything was simple and Tony was just Anthony, and Steve was just that annoying kid from Brooklyn who enjoyed annoying that hot Alpha who always blushed at Steve's advances. He remembered years ago when he fell in love with Anthony's vision of the future, promising himself that day, that he will do anything he can to be in the future that his Anthony always saw. He remembered when the two of them were together, holding each other under the blanket, planning the future that they hoped for, but never achieved.

He remembered days sitting near the fireplace, both of them choosing the names they loved the most for their children, both of them planning where they are going to live, the places they will visit. Days exchanging kisses and promises and their hope for the future that betrayed the two of them in the end; Steve wanted to say that he was sorry, he wanted to go inside and plea with Tony to stop, he wanted to plead with him and tell him to always look up for the future, because if he didn't, then who would? Steve can never look far away, fear always holding back, but Tony can, he can and he will even if Steve had to drill it in his thick head.

A small amused smile made itself known on Steve's tired face, and he straightens himself, planning to go inside and give Tony a piece of his mind. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Bucky waving to Steve, bags of takeout in his metal hand, probably showing it off, from the look of the nurses around them. With an amused smile, Steve waved to Bucky, causing the big Alpha to grin; his childhood friend will probably rub it in Tony's face, it was his version of a pep talk, which was shit in Steve's opinion.

"Steve Rogers?" someone asked, causing Steve to blink and turn his head to the person who called him, giving them a confused smile to the man behind him, he doesn't know him nor the man seemed like he was working in the hospital. "Hail Hydra!" Before Steve can make any sense of what he heard, he let out a pained gasp when he felt pain ripping through his body, causing him to freeze. Scream can be heard around him as the man fell on the floor, followed by Steve, who slid down to the floor; his body couldn't hold him anymore.

Screams of his names rang loudly around him, not that Steve was paying them a lot of attention as his hand went to the source of his hurt and pain; when he pulled his shaky hand away, he saw it painted red, causing Steve to 'Oh' silently trying to make sense of what happened just then; that's when darkness took hold of him…

He welcomed it…

Shaking; that was the only thing that Tony could do, just shake and try to hold his tears in, wondering since when did his life turn into a joke. Everything was going to be fine, or as fine as it can with his son being sick, but he was getting better, everything was going to be fine. That was until Hydra decided to throw a wrench in his life once more; they decided to middle in his life once more, and in the end, they hurt his beautiful Steve, his mate, his everything, who was fighting for his life in the operation room.

Tony couldn't help but wonder why everything was taking too long, it was a stab wound right? It will be easier to treat a stab wound right? Then why are they taking two hours too long? Steve should be out of the operation room a long time ago; he should be out and annoying Tony like he always does, Steve should be out of there to pull his ear and call him stupid with that soft smile of his. Hell, Tony will even take a screaming Steve; he will accept being subjected to his mate's curses and screams if it meant that he will be alright and that he will get out of the operation room now.

Time passed, and still, no one was getting out of the operation room, no doctor, no nurse, no Steve. Tony was left in the waiting room, with half of the Avengers with him; Natasha took the Hydra agent to S.H.I.E.L.D., the man may be dead, but he was still of use to them. Clint was sitting with Peter, guarding him in case of other Hydra agents showing up and deciding to do something, Tony was so grateful to Clint for keeping an eye on his son. Peggy and Bucky were sitting by his side, both of them lost in their thoughts just like how Tony was. The three of them couldn't help but feel the helplessness taking over their hearts every minute that passes without news.

Tony was a few seconds short of screaming, he wanted to scream, and scream, and scream until his voice was gone. Tony frowns a little because he was sure that the screams he heard didn't come from inside his head, even if they were faint. Realization and panic took over him when he noticed more doctors and nurses running inside the operation room, and when the door opened he was sure that the screams he imagined hearing, were coming from this room, coming from Steve. Peggy and Bucky seemed to realize that too, as the two of them stood up with him; Peggy tried with all of her strength to stop both him and Bucky from rushing inside the room to investigate from where that screaming was coming from.

Tony doesn't know how long he stayed sitting in his chair after Peggy throws him and Bucky on them, glaring at them until they stopped with their plan of breaking into the operation room; all that Tony knows is he is one step closer to a mental breakdown. He can't do it, he can't, Tony can't live without Steve; if anything happened to Steve, Tony can't go on, he can't, he doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know how to take care of Peter. Oh God, Peter! What would the little boy do when he realizes that his mother was dead, that the only family he knew is gone forever, his son will hate him for the rest of his life, he will blame Tony for what happened, and he was not wrong in his blame either, because it was Tony's fault, it was Tony's fault, if only he paid more attention, this wouldn't have happened. Tony was sure he was crying; he was sure that he shed tears as he tried to stop his shaking, he knew that he was one minute away from doing something stupid… if Steve didn't survive, then he will… he will…

"Tony…" Bruce's tired voice made Tony jump from his chair, rushing to his friend hoping that he will have good news that will be a cold palm to him already broken heart; Tony wanted to scream and shout, and order Bruce to tell him what happened, why did they take so long when a stab wound can be treated faster than this?

"What took you so long?" Bucky snapped as he stood up, his fists clenching tightly; Tony, on the other hand, was so grateful to the other Alpha for asking the question that was running inside his mind since the start, but Tony couldn't voice it because his voice was trapped in his throat refusing to make itself known.

"We were finally able to stabilize him; the thing was the stab wound wasn't the problem." Bruce let out a tired sigh as he ran his hands through his hair like he was trying to gather his thoughts. "It seemed that the blade Steve was stabbed with had some kind of poison; we didn't know about until Steve starts screaming on the operation table. The poison is not like anything I saw before, whatever poison Hydra was able to create, it was bad, it's a slow working one, which seemed to burn the host from the inside out; I took some samples to try and find the antidote for it… but I… I…" Bruce's voice vanished, not that Tony was paying that much attention, his head was already in his hands, and for once in his life Tony's mind was blank. "You should stay with him…" Bruce ended up whispering, putting his hand on Tony's shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance before walking away, probably going to the labs to try and find the antidote.

Tony's head spin, he felt like he was going to faint any minute now, he knows that he will end up fainting any minute now, it was just a matter of time. Tears were trickling down his face and Tony didn't have it in him to wipe them away; he could only think of Bruce's words, his mate was dying, that was left unsaid. His mate was dying, leaving him and Peter alone; Peter who may die of his sickness a year from now because his body was weak as it is, and two years had passed without the chemo doing a thing to help. If that happened; if Steve and Peter really died, then Tony will be all alone, he will be all alone, he just got his family back not three months ago, and they are going to leave him, they are going to leave him!

Tony will be all alone…

So what do you think?

You all hate me, I know, I know…

It will get much, much worse…

Read and Review

And tell me what you think…

Nazaki-Sama