Chapter 11: Becoming More of A Cullen
Emmett and Carlisle did the last shift only arriving a little before Bella. I greeted Bella at the door and asked if she would be up for a chat with Edward, Carlisle, herself, and me before the festivities and then our family meeting tomorrow.
"Sure, sure," she answered looking concerned.
"I was thinking your room, since it's soundproofed," I suggested.
"Yeah, okay," she agreed, walking in that direction after greeting everyone.
When we entered her room she got onto the bed and I took the rocking chair. "Edward and Carlisle bring your own chairs," I told them.
Edward arrived a minute later with a chair from the dining room. He placed it near Bella's bed the opposite from me.
"I apologise, Bella," he told her shortly after sitting.
She looked at him wearily. "How come?"
"I mentioned our increasing physical contact in passing, and Carlisle and Esme decided that a conversation was necessary," he explained.
Her cheeks pinkened, but not nearly to the same degree that they would have a year ago.
"We just want to make sure you and Edward have clear information, especially as vampire and human relationships contain inherent risk, and we wish you to be safe in our home," I added.
A couple seconds later Carlisle entered carrying a chair from his office. He closed her bedroom door and placed the chair down in front of it, so he was gazing at Bella.
"This is going to be a bit like a medical meeting with some parental advice thrown in," Carlisle warned her. "We are not in any way telling you what you can or cannot do, what your limits of your physical activity with each other should be, or dictating your choices. However, there are significant risks and those should not be ignored."
They both nodded in agreement looking incredibly uncomfortable, but putting on a brave face.
"What are the limits you have set at the moment?" Carlisle asked.
After many minutes of silence with Bella staring back and forth between us and her comforter, she answered, "Touching."
"On the outside of clothes," Edward added.
"And kissing," Belled included.
"Closed mouth," Edward inserted.
"It would be unwise, Bella, to kiss Edward open mouthed," Carlisle stated in his doctor tone. "Apart from the fact that our teeth are sharper than razors, his venom could enter your system in this way and has some potential to inadvertently begin your transformation, according to the Deneli sisters."
She looked a little ashen while Edward looked slightly relieved.
"Touching is fine," Carlisle continued, "However, it would be best if you told each other where and how you would like to touch the other or be touched before it happens. This is to reduce any surprises, as, Bella, you becoming surprised could create changes in your body's chemistry that could make it more alluring for Edward's bloodlust, and thus more challenging for him to be around you, especially in a closed space like a bedroom. And any surprises Edward experiences might cause him to move suddenly and hurt you."
Bella looked taken aback, but said nothing.
"This is especially true in touching bare skin and even more so if you were to touch each other in areas considered intimate," Carlisle added. "In addition to much conversation before action, I would also recommend a confidence in each other's touch and reaction in ways that have agreed before progressing to something new. Also, Edward, it would be inadvisable for you to kiss Bella anywhere open mouth or to put your venom on her skin in anyway."
Edward looked like he wanted to flee the room from embarrassment, while Bella looked shocked.
"Questions? Concerns?" Carlisle enquired.
They both shook their head in the negative.
"Well, come to me, please, if anything presents itself," Carlisle requested.
"Bella, we also wanted to let you know that Carlisle and I are encouraging you and Edward to spend time talking about the boundaries around these things while living in the same house. Especially, we recommend you both discuss what the spaces mean to you. For instance, doing something in the common areas can take on a very different meaning than in the bedrooms. Also, we recommend you discuss what these touches mean to you each. As you've become aware over the past months, the eras in which you were each raised have very different ideas about interactions between the genders and the significance of touch. As an example, Edward, what does kissing a lady's hand mean?"
"A way of showing affection and appreciation for her presence," he answered easily.
"Bella?" I probed.
"That he's being smooth and trying to get laid," she answered uncomfortably.
"Same act, two very different meanings and interpretations," I pointed out. "It is critical that you two talk about each of these things, what they mean to you, and find common ground."
"Will do," Bella agreed, her eyes wide.
"Yes, ma'am," Edward stated seemingly taken aback by Bella's answer.
"And please come to me if you need assistance in these conversations. They are new for you, and my goal is to aid in this process as our sessions were intended," I explained.
After many minutes had passed and neither of them had said anything, Carlisle probed, "Penny for your thoughts."
"I was just thinking how many hurdles it will be to have a relationship of this kind with Edward," Bella blurted out. Then, she looked over at him and apologised. After putting herself together more she continued, "When we first dated I was more ruled by my hormones than my mind, if I'm honest. This time, especially as we're still working on building trust, my mind rules me more. Nevertheless, I thank you both for the food for thought you've given me." Turning to Edward, she added, "I think you're worth it, we're worth the conversations and the work, so don't take my comment as a dismissal. I was simply expressing my surprise at my new awareness of things I had never even considered prior."
"Forgiven and forgotten," Edward told her.
Hopefully he would actually do both things.
"I too am grateful for bringing these things to our attention," Edward stated, "but it is uncomfortable to have my relationship under the family microscope, as if our choices were not our own."
"Can they be your own?" I asked.
He looked affronted and Bella upset.
"We are tied together," I pointed out. "We are not human and Bella is yet to be a vampire. Your very relationship is precarious and puts the family at risk. We want your happiness, both of yours, and so we support you, but please do not be juvenile enough to believe that you two are an island unto yourselves. You are each critical pieces to our unit. And any false move endangers us all."
Bella looking chastised and guilty affirmed, "We will be more careful and thoughtful about the impact to the rest of the family in the future. And thank you for bringing all these things to my attention. I appreciate it."
"I apologise," Edward offered. "You're right. We are not islands unto ourselves."
"You are not alone in having your relationship scrutinised. I clearly remember a young man keeping an eye on things between Carlisle and I. And certainly the family had lots to say about Emmett and Rosalie, especially given her state of mind when he was changed," I reminded him.
Edward's posture changed and it was clear that I had gotten through to him. "Of course," was his reply. "I was not suggesting otherwise."
"It is different when you're the one being closely scrutinised rather than the one observing for danger," I simply reminded him.
"Very true," he agreed, smiling nostalgically.
"Anything more?" Carlisle asked.
They both shook their head no, and I had nothing more to add.
"Let us enjoy the holiday," I told them. Turning to Bella, I told her, "I got champagne this year and made the little hors d'oeuvres you liked from last year."
"Thanks, Esme," she told me, coming over and giving me a hug.
"Of course," I told her.
Taking her hand in mine, we travelled downstairs. As had become our custom since Bella joined, we spent the evening playing family games and enjoying each other's company. Bella nibbled on the things I had made and put them in the toaster oven to warm if she needed. She drank soda most of the night, but tried the champagne when we sang in the New Year. This year, though, she and Edward kissed briefly once on the lips. Emmett and Jasper, of course, whistled at them and catcalled a little in jest, but it was clear that they were teasing in a positive way. Fortunately for us all, they took it in stride and not once did Edward get flustered. We stayed together as a family until she was struggling to stay awake. When she wished us all a Happy New Year's and went off to bed, I had a feeling that the next year would be her best yet.
It was early afternoon when we all gathered for our New Year's family meeting.
Rosalie recommended and we all agreed, as expected, to change Emmett's off roader this year. Her cost estimate was $60,000 higher than she projected, as she wanted to alter it in ways she had not previously, in order to take Bella's humanity more into consideration, so but we all approved the expense easily.
"The family made over 2.6 billion dollars this past year. However, our expenditures and non-profits were higher this year also, so nothing to raise flags about. We'll need to make less this next year," Alice informed us.
"All of our projects had enough money," Edward reported. "However, unemployment looks to be up, so I'd like to add 10-20% to each project as a safety net. Ten percent would be about 250 million and twenty approximately 500 million."
"Twenty percent," everyone said at different times other than Bella who remained silent.
"As a contingency plan, I'd like to start setting up medically-focused non-profits across the globe where we could retreat to if the need ever came up," Japer stated. "I'm thinking two for this next year, six the following year, ten in year three, and at least twenty by year seven. The initial cost would be probably somewhere in the range of 10-50 million depending on the countries and the necessary bribes."
Everyone nodded their head in agreement, while Bella just stared at him, her eyes wide.
"We are agreed," Carlisle proclaimed.
Alice then handed out a proposal for her business. Her portfolio was interactive with fabric types and images, including the business aspects. It was easy to follow, which I had assumed she had done for Bella. It was impressive. She had accounted for every strand of thread and how her business would help women across the globe. It was completely sustainable and fair-trade possible. "It will take at least a year or two in order to get the first designs complete, so there's some time."
"Risks?" Rosalie asked.
"Initially the usual regarding our nature. Bella as offered to solve most of those issues. On the rare times that my physical presence might be necessary, I plan on getting around that by dressing eccentrically with a hat, gloves, and boots. Also, my intention is to do most of the original connections virtually. It's even possible that I'll only need to go once to check it out, and then everything else remotely," Alice explained.
"Objections?" Carlisle asked.
Rosalie looked at Alice and sighed, "As long as you take each step carefully and don't rush, being extra precautious, even if your visions don't show trouble. If you commit to these steps, then I don't have any."
"I'm excited to see your designs come to fruition," I told Alice. "However, for the family's sake I echo Rosalie's requests. If you can promise to stay in the moment and enjoy the journey as well as be hypervigilant, then I approve."
"I have similar reservations," Carlisle told her, "but I want to support you in this. Be extraordinarily cautious. It only takes one misstep and we've promised Bella to be here for her."
"I don't know if I can do this," Bella voiced.
Everyone looked at her surprised.
"I don't mean the parts about meeting people and representing Alice. Even though those still are uncomfortable for me, I'm more confident now than when I first offered." She took in air pausing briefly before continuing, "I'm more concerned at the moment that I won't have the time available like Alice might need."
After the allotted time nothing else was spoken.
"Approved, but with reservations," Carlisle stated.
"A three month check-in?" Alice offered.
"At that time can you detail what Bella's role might be and how much time that might take?" I suggested.
Bella relaxed and nodded her head in agreement.
"Yes," Alice agreed. "That's actually a good idea."
That seemed to relax everyone.
"A good compromise," I agreed.
Alice smiled pleased and Bella looked relieved.
Bella looked around nervously and then spoke, "Sue and Charlie's wedding will be this year, probably in the summer. And with helping Alice some, I'm thinking of taking a lighter load next quarter and then no classes over the summer. That will probably mean that it will take me five years to graduate with a degree in Chemistry."
Smiling in pride at her, I patted her hand. She was beginning to really think about herself in relation to the family. It was momentous.
"What about your position, Carlisle?" Jasper asked.
"So far no problems," he reported. "Alice has suggested at the end of this year to start wearing glasses. Hopefully that will give me the time we need, but if not, then Esme and I will leave Forks and I will take a respite until we decide where to go next."
"Fair enough," Jasper answered.
"Objections?" I asked everyone.
After the allotted time had passed, I told Bella, "Sounds good darling."
She smiled and looked more relaxed.
"In that case, we will plan on moving over the summer of 2011," I told the table. "That means in 2010's New Year's meeting I would appreciate potential locations and I will have potential living arrangements, and we will discuss possible cover stories."
Everyone nodded his or her head in agreement.
We enjoyed the rest of the day together. That evening she went back to Charlie's and we resumed our watch over her until the next week when they all drove back to Bellingham.
It was only when I went up to Bellingham for a few days to check on things after the next quarter had started that I finally got to speak with Bella alone, and only because I met her on campus. It was a mostly cloudy day, so we found a bench under the hanging of the library in case the sun peeked through.
After some initial chatting, I enquired with her regarding my reason for wanting her alone, "When you spoke of your father's engagement, I noticed something. Do you want to talk about it?"
She sighed. "Actually, Charlie came to me on the first day I arrived in Forks, and spoke to me. To me there wasn't much to consider, so I gave him my answer fairly quickly. I feel guilty now, though, because after you and Carlisle spoke to Edward and I, it dawned on me that I had acted without consulting the family. I've learned my lesson, though, and won't do that again."
Beginning to worry, I asked her to explain.
She looked down at her hands and sighed once more. "Charlie wanted my blessing for him to ask Sue to marry him."
As this didn't seem like something worth her feeling guilty for, I said nothing.
Many minutes passed before she started speaking once more. "He's old fashioned and wants to not only get married, but live with Sue, which makes sense. They've been talking about each selling their houses and buying something together. However, due to Sue's place on the council and Seth still attending the reservation's high school it needs to be on the reservation, and Charlie needs it to be as close to Forks as possible, in case there's an emergency. I told him that I was cool with him selling the house and their plans. I packed up everything I wanted from my room over the break, and brought it to Bellingham in my truck. Once they're married, and Charlie goes to sell the house, then I'll go help him and take any of the things that he no longer wants, but I'd like."
It was a plan that made sense and it seemed like she was supporting her father in his happiness, so I stayed quiet hoping she would explain more.
It took another long silence before she continued, "Charlie asked me about money and explained that once he was married everything would go to Sue, since she would be his wife. That also meant that any money from life insurance or that kind of stuff would be shared with Leah and Seth. I told him that between my scholarships and my plans that I couldn't see money being a big problem for me, and I encouraged him to make Sue his benefactor for everything, and went so far as to tell him that I trusted her to make sure his wishes were fulfilled if something were to happen to him." She drew in a deep breath. "I assumed without asking that Sue would be better off with Charlie's money than me. He asked a lot of questions that I didn't know how to answer, and then we began going round and round." She looked down. "Then after the sex talk, I felt so retched that I haven't known how to bring it up." Tears started down her face. "I'm so sorry."
Putting my hand on hers, I offered her support, "Thank you for admitting what happened. Let's have a family meeting next time Carlisle is off work. I'm sure between the eight of us we can find a solution. As a side note, I support your decision to give Charlie's money to Sue, but I can see why your willingness to do so would have raised questions for Charlie. He knows that you and Edward are dating again?"
She nodded yes and looked relieved, despite her tears.
"Next time if he asks a question that you don't know how to answer just tell him that it's a good question and you'll think about it. Then, we can discuss it," I told her. "And next time, please bring these types of things to the family. Each person brings something valuable to the conversation."
Sighing in relief she agreed and apologised again.
"No apology needed. You're learning as we are," I reminded her. After some more comfortable silence, I told her, "I have something else that I'd like to discuss."
"Shoot," she assured me.
"When you were a senior in high school we had many conversations about your fears of being left behind or left out. From your asking about your plans at the New Year's Family Meeting, it seems to me that you've put these fears behind you."
She thought about it a bit before replying, "Not completely. The truth is that you all could decide to leave and there is no way I could stop you or follow. However, I've come to trust that you were being honest with me. I feel included and am getting better about making sure others know my plans, as we talked about before that trust is a two-way road."
"Great progress?" I checked.
She smiled slightly embarrassed. "Yes, I am changing. I still have those fears, but they're small and I no longer allow them to rule my decisions."
Smiling warmly at her, I commended her, "like I mentioned the last time we had this conversation, your fears are reasonable. Fear that the past will repeat is rational and it takes a lot of courage to trust in the midst of those fears. I'm very proud of you and grateful that you're willing to trust us again despite our mistakes."
"You're welcome," she stated at a whisper.
"On a equally fearful note, Rose mentioned that you and Edward are moving at a snail's pace much to her delight."
Bella chuckled lightly. "Rose has turned into a wonderful sister, just don't tell her, otherwise it'll ruin her reputation."
It was my turn to chuckle, as she had Rosalie pegged.
After a minute she told me, "We are being slow. I keep telling myself that we have eternity. No reason to rush."
"True words, Bella. I'm proud of your wisdom."
"Thanks," she answered.
After that our conversation was lighter, speaking about other things until she left for class.
The next evening Carlisle was able to come up for a few hours.
After Bella explained to them what she had told me regarding her difficult conversation with Charlie, she went on to elaborate, "Charlie was surprised that I wouldn't want any of his money to help pay for more schooling, a house, a car, anything. I tried to push aside any of his concerns by explaining that I have a scholarship and my continued schooling would come with a job at the university, and that the Clearwaters needed it more. He was confused at my attitude and went into cop mode. I didn't know how to explain, so just kept repeating the same things. At the end, I told him that he had taken care of me and it was fine for him to take care of the woman he loved and wanted to marry. That stopped the questions, but he seemed suspicious."
"The point of this meeting is to have a cover story, which matches what Bella told Charlie and soothes his concerns as well as questions," I told everyone.
"We can't tell him the scholarship is Cullen money or that you're supporting me," Bella reminded everyone.
Rosalie was the first to speak. "What if we used the same organization that funds your undergraduate scholarship with money for your continued education, assuming you still chose that path, and you told Charlie that you couldn't remember the details, but had found them, and we could make something he could see? We could also make it so it covered some living expenses for your first year after college, if on the chance you decide to work instead."
Bella looked surprised, "Scholarship organizations do that?"
"It's irregular, but possible," Rosalie answered, "especially as we set it up to be kids of cops. That kind of back story makes it more likely than something else, which works in our benefit."
"We could also forge documents from universities or a company or have you win money on some fun night at the casinos. There are unlimited options," Jasper detailed.
She smiled at him and turned to Rosalie, "I'm more likely about to get through the grilling with your idea, as it's the closest to the truth."
"Done," she agreed. "Jasper and I will make it pass a cop's inspection."
"Thank you," Bella said to them both. "On a similar note, we gave the money I saved to Renee by a prize drawing, and were going to do Charlie next, but I think it would be better if we waited until after he's married. Can we change it to the Quiluetes next instead?" Bella asked.
When no one objected, Carlisle said, "Sounds like we're in agreement with that suggestion."
"Alice and I will make up the paperwork and flyer," Jasper put in.
For a few minutes no one said anything and then Carlisle asked, "Was he offended that you were rejecting his generosity?"
She looked at him uncomfortably, "I didn't mean it as a rejection. It's just that already I have more money that I know what to do with. I've given Renee a ton, started from scratch, and already I need to give the next amount away before it gets to be too much that someone would question it."
Emmett jumped in and offered words of comfort. "It takes time to get used to the sums of money we talk about as a family when you come from a family that doesn't have wealth. Remember, my family barely had food to eat. When I was controlled enough I left them a sum on their doorstep, but it was hard. Without doubt your Dad sees it as his job to provide for you, even if it's meagrely. He might be afraid that you don't think he's up to the task."
Her eyes watered and it was clear that she could see what Emmett meant, even if she had never intended to convey that message.
"What if you accepted some of his money, promising to put it aside as a deposit for a house or something like that, and put it in an account for that purpose, so he can see that, if any awkward questions are asked, and then we move that exact amount into the fund meant for him?" Emmett offered.
She wiped a tear and told him, "If that will soothe his wounded pride, I'll do it. I was just trying to be practical and help him out without giving away any secrets."
Edward consoled her, "It takes practice to walk the thin line we do. Considering you did great. You might have ruffled him, but nothing we can't easily repair."
She offered him a smile of thanks.
With that encouragement the meeting end, we sat in the living room telling Bella stories, and enjoyed each other.
It took over two months for there to be visible strain on Edward, which was huge progress in my book, especially given the early months of their relationship.
What is it? I asked Edward almost immediately after arriving, requesting he hunt with me.
"It's harder than I expected," he admitted.
What is? I repeated.
"All of it," he said in a strop. When I raised an eyebrow to him he frowned. "It's hard to change. I am working on it, truly, as I am keenly aware that not doing so will cost me Bella, but most days it's like trudging through sludge. I have decades of the same thinking patterns, same behaviours, not to mention my moral codes that I have clung to."
What is the hardest to change? I enquired.
"My beliefs," he decided after a few moments. "I enjoy taking Bella places and us getting to know each other better. However, as I do so it becomes more and more apparent how differently we view things. It's a constant challenge."
I suspect mates are meant to do that, and thus why our society says that mates change us so much, I offered.
He huffed.
Did Carlisle change? Did Rosalie?
"Yes," he agreed after reviewing his memory. He seemed reluctant to admit something.
Spit it out. You'll probably feel better for it.
"I think that part of my reluctance to change is my fear that I am betraying my human parents. They sacrificed so much for me and died. I am all that lives on from them."
Allowing silence to descend between us, I admired this aspect of Edward, yet could see how it was holding him back from changing.
If you were to distil your parents' virtues, what would they be?
Over an hour passed before he spoke once more, "Honesty, respecting others, kindness, and do no harm."
Working to put words together carefully, I voiced, "How is changing not living up to those virtues?"
He looked at me as if I had removed a mountain from his path. And then, his voice strained asked, "Do the details not matter?"
For me, you honour them by living their virtues. Even if you had not become a vampire and lived out a human lifetime, customs would have changed.
He tilted his head to the side in thought.
"The struggle is to decide if the details in how we engage in our world matches the virtues in which guide us," I told him.
Silence surrounded us once more, so I cast my eyes upwards and focused my thoughts on the beauty of the leaves, the strength of the bark of the tree, the rhythm of all the animals living and using it as a home, and how the light formed contrasts of colour tones upon everything it touched.
A great deal of time had passed when he uttered at a whisper, "I'll work on it."
It is all that we ever can do.
With those as my parting words, I returned to the house and spent time with everyone else. Edward still had not returned by the time that I drove back to Forks.
A month later Carlisle and I travelled up together and the family had another meeting, as agreed.
Alice's presentation and explanations were detailed and clear. By any guess Jasper had helped. They included the meetings she had already had, which ones were likely to need a face to face conversation, and when she needed Bella.
Everyone seemed pleased with the steps she had taken, along with the precautions, with the exception of Bella, whose frown just got deeper and deeper.
"This isn't possible," Bella stated after looking through it.
Alice tilted her head to the side and scrunched up her face appearing confused.
"I think that you're forgetting my humanity, Alice," Bella expanded. "I need to eat and sleep. I have a job and school. When I said yes my imagination conjured one or two a year."
Alice frowned. "There's only so many meetings in the beginning in order to set things up."
"I can't do this and manage my life," Bella retorted.
"Then quit your job, and I'll pay you," Alice answered hotly.
Bella looked like the life had been taken from her while her mouth was open wide. Then she turned to Jasper and uttered lowly with ire, "Don't."
He nodded and offered gently, "Just trying to help."
"I need to take a walk," Bella announced. When Edward stood, she insisted, "Alone."
He acknowledged her words and sat back down.
"Rosalie, Emmett," I requested at a volume and speed Bella would have never heard.
"On it," Emmett replied.
Once the front door closed, I turned to Alice. "Share your thoughts please."
Jasper wrapped his arm around her shoulder and her eyes were filled with venom. "She's right. I did forget about her time limitations. I just was imagining her as my assistant like we had agreed, and it seems like that's not what she wants at all. I didn't mean to upset her so much."
"I'm proud of you for not using your visions to confirm how things would go and allowing yourself to enter into this meeting without the use of your gift," I told her. "We shall wait for Bella to return."
Carlisle and I went to the living room, and I rested on his shoulder trying to imagine what had caused Bella so much upset.
Almost an hour later she could be heard walking up the drive, so we all reassembled at the table.
As soon as Bella sat down she spoke, "I'm sorry for losing my cool. And I appreciate Alice that you forgot my humanity, as it speaks to how you see me." She took in a long breath and let it go. "Here's the thing. Even without your gift you do this thing where you assume that other people think and engage in the world like you. Instead of deciding for me, I would have appreciated multiple conversations before this moment. In fact, your lack of coming and talking to me was what set my reaction in motion. I kept waiting for you to talk with me, to get my input, to see what my schedule was like, and you never did. It's grating."
Alice sat with her head down twiddling her fingers. "You're right, and I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted," Bella said, and then with a huff added, "this is a sore spot for me Alice. You treated me like an object, like some kind of puppet in those first months of meeting each other. I am responsible for not speaking up and telling you my truth, even if I could tell it was your language of love. But I'm not her anymore, and that shit doesn't fly."
"Here, here," Emmett voiced loudly with pride.
Bella smiled at him.
"Alice, how about you re-examine the meetings and try to decrease them generally, and then talk to Bella about what's left along with your expectations," I offered.
"Sure," Alice agreed.
Then I turned to Bella.
"Yeah, that's fair," she agreed. Then, with a smile turned to Jasper, "Okay hit me with your mellow vibes."
Everyone chuckled, him included.
"Two weeks enough time?" I checked.
"Yes," Alice agreed.
"Otherwise it's looking good," Carlisle added, which pleased Alice.
We moved to the living room and chatted until Bella went to bed. "Thank you for seeing me as your equal," Bella told Alice as they ascended the stairs.
"You're welcome," Alice replied.
"Jasper, would you go on a run with me?" I asked him shortly after Edward asked the same from Carlisle.
As we ghosted through the forest I asked him how things had been.
"Decent," he replied and sent me contentment with anticipation.
"Yes, I suppose everyone is ready for Bella to be turned with perhaps the exception of Edward," I mused.
He chuckled. "Nevertheless, we all know waiting is better for everyone, apart from our impatience."
Smiling I agreed, "Yes, apart from that. So, Major Whitlock, how am I doing?"
"Just dandy," he answered with a grin.
"Any recommendations or feedback?" I wondered.
After a few minutes he stated his accent think, "Nah, you're doin' just fine."
Enjoying his playfulness, I sent him my mirth. "And how are you my fine sir?"
In a somewhat strained voice he told me, "Alice is changing."
Knowing that the rest of his words would come, I said nothing sending him my care for him.
"She's still her bubbly optimistic self, but this business has pulled her to becoming more serious and to mature," he expounded. After more many long minutes he said, "It's nice, odd, but good. It has equalised our relationship."
"You have changed also," I reminded him.
"Yes, as I become more hopeful, she becomes more staid. We are more of a compliment to each other."
"I'm glad to hear it," I told him. "Change is challenging, even when it's for the best."
"True," he agreed easily, turning back to the house.
"Any updates?" I questioned.
"Just a sense that we'll be tested soon," he stated while his tone was distant.
"Anything concrete to go on?" I wondered.
"No," he said, "just an old soldier's intuition."
"Most reliable instrument," I affirmed.
"How are the people of Forks?" he wondered clearly wanting a change of topics.
"More fickle and closed-minded that I hoped, but nothing concerning yet," I informed him.
"Edward's changes have made him almost enjoyable to be around," he joked.
"Oh yeah?" I teased back.
"No down in the dumps and no wild mood swings," he jested. "Soon you'll have no more teenagers in the house."
"A blessing and a struggle," I told him. "The struggle for me is only due to the satisfaction mothering you all gives me, but there are other ways to meet that desire and I'm working on finding them."
"Good for you, Esme," he praised.
"Thanks," I responded with some appreciation.
As soon as we returned to the house Carlisle and I returned to Forks.
When we returned Alice and Bella had worked out a schedule that worked. The greatest compromise on Alice's part was that it slowed down the process, but that was soothing to Rosalie. With the family's official blessing, Alice began the process of starting the business.
Other than these minor bumps, the quarter went well.
According to Bella's report, she returned to Charlie with the information put together for her, along with an apology and explanation that she simply didn't want for him and Sue to struggle when her basic needs were being taken care of by the scholarship. That had seemed to ease him, along with Bella's insistence that she trusted Sue to be fair if anything untoward were to happen to him before he retired from the force.
Sue and Charlie's wedding was set for July.
In May Carlisle came home and told me that Charlie had stopped by the hospital to invite us to the wedding. It was a nice gesture. It was thus with a heavy heart that I rung him the next day at his office to thank him, but let him know that out of respect for Sue's family's dislike of our family we would not be attending. He sounded genuinely disappointed, if not also slightly relieved.
Over the summer we arranged for the Quileutes to receive the money Bella had been acquiring on their behalf. There were some that were disgruntled, but Bella somehow convinced Sue and Billy that the money was completely hers and the only Cullen influence was how it had been invested. Once that hurdle was overcome, the tribe started construction on a new community centre with one request from Bella. She was insistent on the building having an engraving of some sort that would stand the test of time and would make it clear that the building was a gift to the Quileute Nation from the Swan and Cullen Foundation. I hoped alongside her that it would ease the way for future Quiluete generations, while also reminding the Quileutes that we wished to be good neighbours to them once in a while.
Bella reported that the wedding had been lovely and a wonderful representation of Quileute culture. It had been a huge concession on Edward's part to not go, but with great strain trusted Bella to return to him. However, it resulted in Bella letting go of many of the old wounds and trusting Edward more. Their relationship was really blooming into something magnificent.
September Bella turned twenty-one. We all accompanied her to a club. Alice appropriately dressed us, so we all looked about the same age. It was something we hadn't done in a while, and Bella's birthday was the perfect occasion. Each family member took turns ordering Bella their favourite drink, which was mostly by smell or appearance, since modern alcohol bore little resemblance to our eras, not to mention that Emmett and Jasper had been the only drinkers while human of our group. She also moved her body on the dance floor with at least Alice or Rosalie in tow. I couldn't describe what they were doing as anything close to dancing, but Bella seemed to be enjoying herself.
Edward did an excellent job at not crowding her.
In the morning Bella decided that partying was as dumb as she had believed and never wanted to drink again. Her hangover, Emmett's teasing, or the fact that Carlisle refused to ease the consequences of the night probably didn't help her conclusions. When Carlisle had insisted to Bella that hangovers were all a part of the human experience she had stuck her tongue out at him and then smiled. It was a small moment, but a significant sign of their improved relationship.
It seemed like Charlie's wedding had altered Bella's opinion about marriage a little, but in October Edward and Bella asked me to help them talk through their stalemate.
Once our seating was arranged and we were settled, I asked, "What's the problem?"
They looked at each other, which I took as a good sign.
Sighing, Edward started, "I want to wait until we're married to touch each other's private regions, and Bella disagrees."
"You first, Bella," I requested.
"Edward is not human, so he doesn't carry disease, there's no way to get pregnant, and the dangerous parts due to him being a vampire, which include his venom, I've agreed would be a poor choice."
As she seemed done, I looked at Edward.
"I see the privilege of touching Bella in these ways something to be cherished, and I wish to demonstrate my commitment to her by tying myself to her first."
"So, Bella, you see this as a next step in your relationship with Edward and having discussed the risks, are ready to proceed, while Edward sees physical intimacy as something sacred that is done solely between a husband and a wife," I summarised. They both nodded, so I continued, "Bella, has Edward made you aware of the social beliefs regarding women who had sex before marriage?"
"I am aware," she told me.
"In that case, why would you ask the man you profess to love to turn you into that type of woman?" I asked her.
She looked uncomfortable and then stammered, "I didn't think about it like that."
"And Edward, why would you hold to these beliefs so insistently. Certainly there is some compromise. For instance, even if you don't wish to have intercourse before marriage, would you be willing to share in release through touch?" I pressed.
He looked incredibly uncomfortable, to the point of wanting to run away. It took him a while, but when he calmed he admitted, "I'm scared of my reactions, and honestly the thought, although exciting, unnerves me. I don't wish to take Bella's virtue."
Understanding the importance of that for Edward, I asked, "You've moved past your era's level of acceptable touch, so where is the line of virtue?"
He looked at me stunned and then frowned seriously contemplating my question. When he spoke it was clear that talking about such things was difficult for him. "To break the hymen absolutely."
"And if it is already broken?" I pressed.
"Any action that would have done that," he answered.
Turning to Bella, I asked, "Is that an acceptable limit for you to wait for marriage?"
She frowned and then admitted, "I wasn't planning on getting married until I had my PhD, assuming that's the path I want."
Sighing, I regretfully told her, "I can see how that would fit your worldview. The problem is that when you graduate from your undergraduate studies and we move, then your family and friends can never be permitted to see us again. We will have new names and the Cullen family from Forks will have ceased to exist. Thus, if that's what you choose, your wedding cannot include any individuals from your life from Forks or prior. Or you can get married before the end of the summer of 2011."
Her lips turned into a thin line, "And if I don't wish to get married at all?"
"Then, you and Edward are going to struggle. Asking him to compromise is one thing. Asking him to fundamentally alter his beliefs is another," I told her my voice firm.
"I hate that my choices are limited," Bella grumbled.
"This is the cost of being a Cullen," I reminded her. "We do not act as separate entities. We are not islands upon our own making. We consider our actions in light of how they might affect the others. We are tied together. We rise and fall together. You know this." Pausing a moment or two, I then continued, "And you do have choice. None might be exactly what you wanted, but you are not a toddler. Wishing the world to bend to your will does not make it the case."
"I know," she said softly sounding reprimanded. Then, looking at Edward she told him, "I need to think about it. I appreciate your willingness to compromise more for me. I know it was hard for you."
"Your welcome," he answered.
She said goodnight to us both and went to her room.
Edward put his head in his hands. "I wish I could say yes to her. My body wants to so badly."
"Holding onto your values is admirable and honourable, Edward, as is your willingness to compromise," I praised him. "You do Carlisle and I proud."
"Thanks," he answered. Looking up at me, he stated, "I need to clear my head. I'm going to take a run and maybe catch a deer."
"Of course," I told him.
I stayed around for a few days spending time with everyone else. It was thrilling to see each of them growing into his or her potential.
On the third day Bella asked if Carlisle could come up and us have a family meeting.
Two mornings following everyone was assembled.
"The floor is yours," I told Bella.
Her cheeks were bright red, but she found the nerve to speak. "Edward and I are at a crossroads. He hasn't formally proposed, but we are talking about marriage. In my mind I had imagined these steps after all my studies, whatever those might be, and Esme explained that in 2011 if not earlier, you will need to disappear. It's hard for me as an only child to remember that my life is no longer completely my own. So, after thinking about the pros and cons, I'd like to hear you guys' suggestions regarding the timing."
"Depends on whether you want your father to walk you down the aisle and your mother to be in the audience," Rosalie stated.
"If I invite Charlie, then that means Sue. And my Dad will want me to invite other Quiluetes and people from Forks," Bella stated.
That thought stopped everyone in his or her tracks.
Carlisle broke the silence. "We have a treaty with the Quiluetes. They would be welcome to the wedding, if you wished to extend an invitation. At the same time, the treaty says that we will not bite a human, so unless the council, Billy Black, or Jacob Black gave their permission for you to be changed, they will no doubt surmise that the treaty will be broken."
"What if we were to figure out a way for me to be changed without me being bit?" she asked.
We were startled and Emmett asked, "How?"
She looked at us nervously and then admitted, "I was thinking of a needle. I'm not sure if that's possible, but humans receive drugs and vaccines that way all the time, and it goes directly into the bloodstream."
Carlisle and Edward exchanged a look.
"I could certainly look more into it," Carlisle agreed, "And that would avoid the letter of the treaty, but not its spirit. Ephraim Black wanted us to agree that we would not kill humans, and from their worldview becoming a vampire would mean that you would die. We agreed to those terms with the complete expectation of following them."
"Any chances of getting an exception made for me?" Bella asked.
"You know this generation of shapeshifters better than I," Carlisle told her.
Bella looked around seeing if someone else wanted to say something.
"It would be easier for the move and us disappearing if you were not married," Jasper put in.
Bella crinkled her nose. "Then, I would pretend to Charlie that Edward wasn't in my life or we weren't long-term material?"
"Yes," Jasper answered, "but I can work options if you don't want to do that."
"I'd like to see Charlie give you away," Alice put in. "I really like him. I know you guys have your own lives, but it seems sweet to me."
"No preference," Emmett put in.
Edward remained silent, but then she already knew his opinion.
"Thanks guys," Bella told everyone.
Carlisle and I stayed till the evening and then headed home. Through the day we talked about the pros and cons. The truth was that there were a long list on both sides. Unfortunately, it seemed like the lines of their physical intimacy might be the defining factor.
Bella decided to spend the days up to Christmas and then the days after Christmas with Charlie.
On New Year's Eve we were warming food when she told me, "The Quiluetes seem unable to move past their beliefs that me becoming a vampire equates to my death."
"That must be disappointing," I told her knowing how she had hoped to convince them.
She shrugged. "I knew it was a long shot."
"Has that impacted your thoughts about a wedding?" I wondered.
She looked at me mischievously, "Well, Edward would have to propose, wouldn't he, if we were to have a wedding?"
"True," I agreed, winking at her.
It was clear that her vague answer was due to Edward's proximity, so I purposefully began thinking about other things.
The evening was delightful as we welcomed in 2009 and our meeting the next morning productive. Alice was moving forward, slowly, but surely with her fashion business. It was good to see her proceed and the caution in which she was doing so.
The year passed easily with the exception of a verbal altercation between Bella and Alice in April. Rosalie called and asked for me to come up, as neither was backing down.
When I arrived they were calling each other names.
"Stop," I bellowed, opening the front door.
They both looked at me scowling.
"What's happening?" I asked softly, trying to defuse the tension.
"She's a control freak," Bella seethed turning herself in my direction.
"She's a stubborn mule," Alice retorted.
"Enough of the name calling," I demanded. "What started this?"
"My first presentation for her business is coming up," Bella started with tears in her eyes. "She didn't tell me that I have to fly to Argentina for the meeting, which means I miss a midterm, and she picked my clothes."
Looking at Alice, she simply nodded those things were true.
Bella then looking at Alice with tears streaming down her face. "How could you? We've been at this almost a year. You know how I am Alice. I don't like surprises, and being told what to do is a sore spot for me."
Jasper looked pained, but I sent him hesitancy. He acknowledged my request by a slight nod.
"Haven't I changed, Bella? Have I not done enough to earn your trust?" Alice asked her voice tight and wobbling.
Then it was Bella's time to look despondent.
"It seems to me that each of you is acting out of assumptions that the other person might not share," I pointed out. "Alice, did you set up all the details with Bella, including the amount of time you would be gone, etc?"
"Not everything," she admitted. "I was excited about it and she said yes, and I forgot her limitations again."
"How flexible is the person you're meeting with?" I wondered.
"Not very," Alice answered. "She was booked more than a month out."
"But you could push it back a month if needed?" I checked.
"Yes," she agreed reluctantly.
Bella looked lost in thought, but I continued on, trusting her to speak up if she needed me to stop.
"And the clothes?" I pressed.
"I've got most of the raw materials figured out, as everyone knows. Once I went to the possible places and vetted it, there were a few phone calls Bella made, and then emailing." She paused like she was reluctant to speak the rest. "Getting this contract is really important to me, and what Bella wears will, in part, determine if the contract is agreed to or not. I didn't mean to come off as controlling, as much as I wanted everything just right."
Looking over at Bella, I asked gently, "Since you're essentially representing Alice's brand, would you be willing to have her dress you for the part."
"I'm not some dress up doll," she seethed.
Alice's face fell and she uttered, "I know that I did that in the past, but I haven't in years. I respect your style, and maybe get things that are higher quality than you usually would, but never even in those early months did I think of you as a doll. I was just excited to share my passion with you and wasn't good at taking no for an answer. I vow to you Bella, this isn't about that."
"Let me think about it," Bella offered.
"Agreed," I stated on behalf of Alice.
When Bella went up to her room Alice wrapped herself into Jasper's arms. "Is she ever going to move past this?"
"The deeper the wound the longer it takes to heal," I told her. "And I don't think it's about the clothes exactly, as much as it is a reminder of how little power she has in comparison to us. She's still terrified that we're going to change our minds. I think that you dressing her remind her of before and the events after her birthday. Just keep showing her that her fear is unfounded."
In the morning I knocked on Bella's door and told her the analysis of the situation. "I know it's asking the moon and the stars. Please trust Alice and be aware that the more she wants something the more she tries to control the factors to get the outcome she wants. Even without using her gift, it is who she is."
"Okay," Bella offered and said no more.
On my way home Alice called to tell me that they had compromised. She agreed to change the date and Bella agreed to present herself any way Alice decided. It was a huge step forward for both of them.
Since Jasper and Edward were going with them, I convinced the boys to figure out a way to record Bella, so the rest of us could view her pulling off the biggest lie she ever told. It saddened and pleased me to know how much like a Cullen she was becoming.
A/N: Thank you for reading. I hope this finds you and yours as well as can be. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.