A/N: Sorry for the late chapter, again. I've been doing the Inktober art challenge (with an HTTYD theme) and so I've been drawing for 4-6 hours everyday because I always get caught up in the details. I was also carving a pumpkin and watching some Halloween movies.
Speaking of Halloween, I couldn't help myself and I started a Halloween-ish HTTYD fanfic. It will be five chapters long and I've posted the first chapter along with this one. It is called "Forge Window" and I took inspiration from Alfred Hitchcock's film, "Rear Window." So go check it out if you're looking for a story with suspense and mystery, to get into the Halloween spirit!
—
Part Three:
Astrid paced around the ground floor of Stoick's home, unable to sit still in her worry for her husband. Stoick had told her to relax, Hiccup was likely just at the forge helping Gobber, and really, that explanation made a lot of sense. But that still didn't placate Astrid.
The front door opened and Astrid twirled toward the door, faster than she had moved in a while. She immediately reached out for whatever was within reach, so she could grip something as a spell of dizziness hit her. Suddenly, large hands were holding her up and leading her to a place to sit.
"You need to calm down, Astrid. Get some rest." Stoick was saying to her with a worried tone. Astrid couldn't help the disappointment— Hiccup hadn't been the one to return.
"Was Hiccup at the forge?"
"...no." Stoick had hesitated to answer, seeing that Astrid was already so stressed, it wasn't good for her. He gently held Astrid down, his hands on her shoulders, as she tried to get back up. "I'm sure he's around. I didn't have the chance to look anywhere else, but I asked some people to keep an eye out for him."
"I need to go look for him." Astrid insisted.
"We'll take care of that." Stoick assured her. He knew Astrid had lost her uncle in the past, and that it had taken a toll on her. He knew she feared losing loved ones, but he figured she would be relieved after the last raid. Her family was alive and mostly unharmed. There were no wild dragons on Berk, other than the ones they kept for training. She had no reason to worry.
"No, I need to find Hiccup." Astrid seemed on the brink of breaking down. "You don't understand."
"What don't I understand?" Stoick inquired, wondering what it was that had Astrid so worried. He was suddenly reminded of the day that Hiccup had wandered off, not long after he and Astrid had been married. Astrid had been so worried for him, and when she had seen Hiccup alive and well, she had fallen into his arms in utter relief. Stoick had almost expected her to be upset, her temper was well known amongst the Berk Guard, after all.
Astrid opened her mouth to respond, but at that moment, a quiet knock sounded at the door before Sigrid invited herself in, carrying a covered pot, likely filled with food.
"I brought some breakfast." Sigrid announced, blind to the situation. "And lunch. This should feed you for a couple meals, at least."
Stoick couldn't help the feeling of disappointment. Astrid had closed her mouth, unwilling to say more once her mother had interrupted, leaving Stoick with plenty of questions. Was something going on with Hiccup? Why did Astrid fear Hiccup being off on his own? Was she just overreacting because she had almost lost him and Zephyr the other day?
"Mom, have you seen Hiccup today?" Astrid turned in her seat, so she could better address her mother.
"Hmmm?" Sigrid responded distractedly as she bent over the fire, the pot in place so that the contents would stay warm. "Is Zephyr still in bed?"
"I decided to let her sleep in. It's been a busy couple of days for her, she went through something traumatic." Astrid responded. "Have you seen Hiccup?"
"No, I haven't seen him." Sigrid didn't catch on to the fact that Astrid was worried. "How about I go wake the little Valkyrie?"
Sigrid retreated up the stairs, leaving Stoick and Astrid alone once more. Stoick remained quiet, hoping Astrid would pick up their conversation where they had left it.
"Will you go look again?" Astrid requested of her father-in-law, no longer willing to tell Stoick what exactly was on her mind. Stoick relented to Astrid's request, finding it hard to say no and press her for answers instead, when she looked so worried. She was carrying his second grandchild, he couldn't say no to her, so he left to search for Hiccup.
—
Giving her mother a quick goodbye, Astrid hurriedly made for her new home. Hiccup had probably finished in the forge a while ago and was likely wondering what was taking her so long. The two of them had fallen into a routine, one that Astrid rather enjoyed. She liked that she wasn't alone all the time anymore. When she had been training with the Berk Guard, she had been known for her attitude and intensity. She didn't necessarily have friends, just people she worked and trained with. Her childhood friends had given up on her a long time ago.
It was her own fault really, she had pushed people away when her uncle had died and then the intensity in which she trained had increased after she had made a mistake— one she had been trying to make up for by training even harder. She wouldn't be looked down on, like her Uncle Fin had been looked down on, for freezing up when the Flightmare had attacked. She had wanted everyone to see that the Hoffersons were brave warriors. However, her intensity and infamous temper had turned her into someone people wanted to avoid, into someone she didn't want to be. That was when she had decided she needed to change something about her life. That was when Astrid had been arranged to be married to Hiccup, and she had decided to look at it in a positive light.
Hiccup was a good companion to have, she had decided. He was kind-hearted, considerate, and caring. He was really good to her and she liked sharing her life with him. Even if she was a bit anxious about her role in the marriage, worried about carrying a child and becoming a mother, she felt comforted by the fact that she would have Hiccup there with her, throughout everything.
The house was quiet and cold, the fire hadn't been relit. Astrid found it rather strange, she was sure Hiccup would have been home by now. She wished she had stopped by the forge before returning home, to see if Hiccup was there. They could have walked home together.
They usually started preparing their evening meal around this time, and so Astrid decided to get started. Hiccup could help when he returned home, and if he returned late, Astrid didn't mind preparing a meal for him. He would do the same for her, if she were busy. Though, she had come to enjoy cooking dinner with Hiccup. They were learning to work together and rely on one another. Hiccup would even loosen up around her and they would have nice conversations while they ate. She looked forward to that.
As she started to prepare their meal, something caught her eye. Astrid set down the pot she had been carrying and walked over to a shelf. Hiccup was notorious for leaving things in odd places, his mind always busy, always thinking. This time, it seemed, he had left his latest sketchbook on a shelf. She recalled how he had almost been finished filling up all the pages, but then had misplaced it. He had started a new one, deciding to finish his last one when it showed back up.
Astrid picked up the worn, leather book. Hiccup had had this particular sketchbook since before they had been married. She had seen glances at a couple of pages, but Hiccup wasn't ready to share the contents with her yet, it seemed, still so shy. Astrid hadn't questioned it, deciding that Hiccup was entitled to his privacy, even while they were married. He didn't have to share his creative works with her if he wasn't comfortable doing so. She did hope that someday he would.
Fingers running down the sides of the leather book, Astrid was tempted to look inside. It seemed like a betrayal, to open it and take a peek. She was sure that there wasn't anything bad inside, just some sketches and the occasional page of writing. She remembered peering over Hiccup's shoulder one night, to see an odd drawing of an unfamiliar dragon. Maybe he was just self-conscious about his weird fascination with drawing dragons. And he drew them to look so... cute. The dragon Astrid had seen her husband drawing had looked so innocent, with its big eyes and inquisitive expression. It was unusual, but nothing to be ashamed of.
Astrid opened the book, the page opening to another sketch of the same dragon she had seen him drawing before. This time, in the drawing, it was flying away, ropes in a heap on the ground below it. She cocked her head to the side, curious as to what the drawing was supposed to mean. She flipped further into the book, a feeling rising within her, telling her that she shouldn't be doing what she was doing. Still, it didn't stop her.
She turned to another page. This time the drawing wasn't of a dragon, it wasn't really of anything. Maybe it was some abstract drawing of some place in the forest he had been. Even if she couldn't make out exactly what she was looking at, the look of the piece left her with a lingering feeling that concerned her. It seemed to portray some negative emotions— the drawing had come from a dark place and the red stain on the corner of the page concerned her.
This time she hesitated before turning the page once more, no longer skipping to further pages in the sketchbook, instead wanting to know what came next. The drawing she saw this time was even more concerning. It was a drawing of a lone boy, darkness and negative words surrounding him— useless, hated, unwanted, undesirable, nothing... Astrid didn't like where this was going.
With a deep breath, Astrid turned the page again, now with a sinking feeling in her gut. These were Hiccup's innermost feelings, things he kept locked up inside, things he did not want to share with anyone. Things that... Astrid could see how he could feel that way, but hated that he did. The next page wasn't a drawing, but instead filled with writing. Hiccup had ranted angrily onto the page, needing an outlet for his feelings. It wasn't like anyone was going to listen to how he felt. Writing things down and expressing himself in his artwork was one of the only ways he was able to maintain his emotionless facade.
Astrid blinked in surprise as she realized that tears were running down her face. She had been reading the things Hiccup had written. A lot of it was hard to make out as he had written it with passion that made his writing sloppy, but she was able to get the general idea of how he had felt in the past, about their arranged marriage. Hiccup thought that the only thing he had to offer his people, was his ability to produce the next heir of Berk. He felt used. He thought that after an heir was produced, he would cease to be useful, he would no longer have a purpose or a reason to live.
The sketchbook slipped from Astrid's fingers. She was horrified. All this time... Hiccup had been so sweet, so gentle, so... willing. Had he felt abused, all this time? Astrid had thought that they were becoming closer, that their physical relationship was helping them to bond. They were meant to become parents together, to raise the next heir of Berk. Had she been deluding herself to the reality? She didn't ever want to be someone who took advantage of someone else.
Bending down, Astrid picked up the sketchbook, though now she didn't look at it in curiosity, instead with newfound horror. She set the book back where she had found it. Hiccup would come across it eventually, remembering where he had left it. As she put the book back, Astrid suddenly became concerned with Hiccup's absence.
Was Hiccup taking this rare opportunity to be alone? Did he need a break from her constant presence, knowing where their daily routine would eventually lead them and dreading it? She felt horrible. She wanted to reassure Hiccup that she wasn't using him. She wanted to find Hiccup and make sure he was okay.
A thought occurred to Astrid as she rushed to the door. She remembered how anxious Hiccup had been at certain moments in their new marriage. She recalled seeing old injuries that she had blamed on the forge, they had looked to be just that, careless injuries. But there had been too many for someone as skilled in the forge as Hiccup. What if they weren't injuries from the forge? What if Hiccup was done being used?
With a renewed feeling of fear, Astrid raced out of the house in search of Hiccup. When she found him, she would show him just how much he meant to her. She would express her worry, she would try to be more supportive. She wouldn't be pushy, she would reassure him that this life was what she wanted, that she wanted him because she cared about him, not because she was using him.
—
Noticing the place of the sun in the sky, Hiccup realized how long he had been out. So much for his intention of returning before Astrid woke. She had likely been awake for hours by this point, and worried about his absence. Hiccup hated to cause his wife any undue stress. She had been through enough in the past few days and he knew how she could get when it came to the safety of her loved ones.
Hiccup wasn't sure what it was, but he felt more comfortable around the family of Furies than he did amongst his own people. He was reluctant to say goodbye, but had assured Toothless that he would return with some food and some healing supplies. Toothless would fly again if he had anything to say about it. It was the least Hiccup could do, since the dragon had saved Zephyr's life.
The walk home wasn't very pleasant, though Hiccup usually enjoyed walks in the forest. He had promised Astrid that they would communicate with each other better, and yet he had left home without telling her where he was going, stayed away too long, and was now going to return and lie about where he had been and what he had been doing. He couldn't possibly tell Astrid about Toothless, she had killed dragons, had been the one chosen out of their class to kill a Monstrous Nightmare in front of the whole tribe, though, oddly enough, it seemed to be a topic she didn't like to talk about.
Hiccup was starting to feel a little nauseous as he walked, at the idea of deceiving his wife. They had grown so much closer ever since they had admitted to each other that they loved one another, and had discussed some important things. They had still been close before that, their relationship had only grown over time and especially after Zephyr was born, but that growth had been exponential since they had come to an understanding and came to trust in each other's love.
Maybe someday it would be possible to confide in Astrid about Toothless. Maybe he could help her to understand that Toothless was in control of himself. The other dragons were under the control of an evil Queen dragon. Everything he had learned from Toothless was still so overwhelming to him. Everything he had been taught his whole life, wasn't true. It was hard to wrap his mind around. And on top of that, this world-shifting knowledge had been told to him, by a dragon. Oh if everyone knew that he could understand what a Night Fury was saying, he would be considered a nutcase for sure.
"Hiccup!"
Hiccup froze, a familiar feeling of anxiety starting to build up inside. He slowly turned, his eyes wide. He hadn't even made it that far outside of the forest before he had heard his father shout his name. This whole situation felt all too familiar to him, though this time he had emerged from the tree line just above their homes, as opposed to on the other side of the village.
"We've been looking for you all day." Stoick continued when Hiccup said nothing. "Astrid's been worried about you."
Hiccup didn't bother to try and apologize this time, expecting his father to speak over him anyway, if he tried.
"You shouldn't let Astrid get so stressed out, you have to let her know where you're going." Stoick filled the silence, though his tone wasn't so reprimanding this time and more like he was making a friendly suggestion. Hiccup gave him an odd look, used to being lectured. However, his dad had been making more of an effort as of late.
"I just wanted to retrieve my sword..." Hiccup finally spoke, indicating the sword on his belt. Stoick glanced down at the weapon, not used to seeing Hiccup carrying one around. He wasn't even sure if his son knew how to use it, he hadn't seen Hiccup attempt any form of combat in years. Not since he had been much younger and entirely unsuccessful at every weapon Gobber tried to teach him to wield, and that included the sword. Though the sword in question did look to have seen better days.
"Did you really need it that badly?" Stoick asked bluntly. "We've been trying to keep her calm all day. You should really be thinking of her more, you've been married for four years, almost five. You have a child with her and one on the way, and you can't even tell her before running off?"
Hiccup was taken aback by the change in tone. His father seemed rather indignant on Astrid's behalf, having been dealing with her worry all day. Without a response, Hiccup brushed past his father and headed for the house. He didn't want to deal with his dad right now, he already felt bad enough, knowing that he was about to lie to his wife. He didn't need to feel more guilty than he already felt. His father didn't understand.
As Hiccup opened the door to his childhood home, he noticed his father following behind him. Hiccup was honestly surprised that his dad hadn't started raging at him the moment he had dismissed his words and walked off.
"Hiccup!" Astrid exclaimed as her husband walked through the door. Her arms were suddenly wrapped around him before he could even react.
"Daddy!" Zephyr joined in her mom's excitement at seeing Hiccup. She didn't understand that her mom had been worried, but she was always happy to see her daddy.
"Where have you been?" Astrid pulled away from Hiccup. Stoick entered the house behind them and shut the door. Sigrid was tending to the food and Arne had recently returned from looking around the village for Hiccup, and was now holding his granddaughter.
"I dropped my sword the other day..." Hiccup replied vaguely, not wanting to remind Astrid of when he and Zephyr had been chased by the Monstrous Nightmare. She didn't like thinking about that. "I just wanted to retrieve it. It's been out there for a couple days... it wouldn't be long before it started rusting."
Astrid looked down at the sword attached to his belt. It didn't look to be in good shape anyway. The sheath had some red stains on it and the blade didn't fit inside of it very well anymore, looking to have taken some heat damage. Rust should have been the least of his worries.
"I thought you said that you ran with Zephyr. You didn't actually fight the dragon." Astrid found an inconsistency with the story Hiccup had told the other day, about how he had run with Zephyr until he had found a place for them to hide.
"I... did. I did say that." Hiccup hadn't expected Astrid to question what had happened the other day with the Monstrous Nightmare. He had been preparing himself for questions she might ask about where he had been today.
"You fought the dragon?!" Astrid raised her voice in panic. "Well that explains all of your injuries! I should have known, you don't get a welt across your chest like that by falling on the ground or rolling down a hill. I've seen that before— that dragon whacked you aside, didn't it?"
"...yes." Hiccup answered, unable to hide it any longer. She still didn't have to find out about Toothless, so long as Zephyr didn't say anything.
"Oh my gods..." Astrid looked horrified. "What happened to Zephyr?"
"I tossed her aside, she was out of the way." Hiccup answered, and that explained all of Zephyr's scrapes and bruises.
"...how close was I to losing you both?" Astrid's voice suddenly became so quiet and desperate.
"That's not important. We're both here." Hiccup avoided the question. Stoick suddenly regretted the words he had said to Hiccup outside, before they had both returned home. Hiccup hadn't been careless with Astrid. He had been trying to protect her and keep her from stressing and worrying about her family. He had been through more than he had admitted to the other day. Stoick wondered too, just how close had he come to losing his son and granddaughter?
"How close, Hiccup?" Astrid asked again, this time with more anger and frustration in her tone.
Hiccup hesitated. Everyone's eyes were on him. Sigrid and Arne were watching him, waiting for his answer. Stoick was just to the side of him, all of his attention on the argument between husband and wife. Zephyr's eyes were wide, looking between her parents with concern and fear. They never argued in front of Zephyr. They rarely argued in general, but when they did, Hiccup was never really one to raise his voice. He gave his opinion and he listened to what Astrid had to say. He gave in very easily, always one to avoid confrontation if he could.
Finally, Hiccup had to relent. Astrid was staring up at him with tears in her eyes and a look of fear on her face. His hesitance already said it all, there had been some close calls. He couldn't tell her otherwise or she would know he was lying.
"I... I almost watched Zephyr die." Hiccup's voice caught on the last word. He had been holding that in for the past couple days, and it had been eating at him. He hated that he had been unable to protect her, hated the thought that if Toothless hadn't shown up on time, that his little girl would be gone. He heard Sigrid gasp and saw Arne and Stoick flinch at his words. Astrid's eyes filled with tears and she had to turn away as a sob escaped her.
"I did everything I could... I'm sorry." Hiccup felt the need to apologize. They all knew how incapable he was as a father now. He hadn't been able to protect his daughter. He was a failure. Hiccup's eyes were watery now too and he took a deep breath, not wanting to lose control over his emotions in front of all these people. He had gotten good at controlling his emotions around others, but this involved his daughter.
"Mommy?" Zephyr reached for her mother, concerned for her. She didn't like seeing her so sad, and it made her sad too. Zephyr started crying and Arne held her close, giving her a comforting hug and rubbing her back.
"It's okay sweetie." Astrid wiped her eyes and gave Zephyr a kiss on the head. "Why don't you go upstairs with grandma and grandpa?"
Sigrid and Arne got the message and retreated to the loft with Zephyr. The house wasn't very soundproof however, and they were still able to hear what was going on downstairs, though they did their best to distract Zephyr with toys and books.
Stoick remained where he was. He hadn't been dismissed from the conversation but wasn't sure if he had a place in it either.
"I thought we promised each other that we would talk to one another, that we would discuss things and communicate better." Astrid turned back to Hiccup, ignoring Stoick for now.
"We did. I told you all that you needed to know." Hiccup responded.
"My baby girl almost died! I didn't need to know that?" Astrid argued back.
"What good does it do you to know that? She is fine, she's safe, she's alive. At least you didn't have to witness it! It's been killing me, knowing that I almost lost her when I was responsible for her."
"It's not your fault." Astrid reigned in her anger, seeing the real distress on Hiccup's face. "It was the dragon. You protected her."
Hiccup nearly flinched. He hadn't protected her and though it was a relief to not be carrying this burden by himself anymore, it still ate at him that he wasn't telling Astrid the entire truth.
"But I want to know these things Hiccup, you need to stop keeping things like this to yourself. You always let yourself suffer, as opposed to sharing how you feel or what's bothering you." Astrid went on. "I worry about you. I used to worry because I knew how you felt about our marriage— you felt used and you thought that you wouldn't have a purpose after Zephyr was born, and I know that you've been stressed out lately with how things have been with the people, so when you disappear, I always assume the worst."
Hiccup's gaze sharpened on Astrid. He had never told her about how he had felt about their marriage at first. He had never told her his deepest, most personal feelings about how he had felt so used by his people, by her.
"How do you know those things?" Hiccup asked, a real heat to his tone.
"I... what?" Astrid realized what she had said. She had never told Hiccup that she had found his sketchbook and snooped. Instead, she had acted on her newfound knowledge and done everything she could to make their marriage more comfortable for him. She assured him that things were okay, that she wanted this. She told him she cared about him, though it had taken her entirely too long to say the words, I love you.
"I never told you how I felt about our arranged marriage." Hiccup pointed out in an accusing tone. "What exactly aren't you telling me?"
Astrid swallowed hard. She didn't have a choice, Hiccup probably already knew what she had done. She had just accused him of not communicating with her, and yet she had been holding back on him.
"I found your sketchbook, the day you went on a walk in the woods without telling me. That's why I was so worried. You expressed all your feelings in that book." Astrid admitted.
Hiccup didn't say anything, merely looked at her with an expression of betrayal. Those were his most personal thoughts and feelings. If he had wanted to share, he would have. That explained why she had suddenly been more concerned with his feelings, why she was always assuring him that she wanted the life she had with him, and asking him if he was okay.
"You could have told me how you felt." Astrid went on, almost defensively, when Hiccup said nothing. "I had to learn through your book that you felt like you were being used in our marriage. Do you know how guilty that made me feel? I felt like I had been taking advantage of you, and all that time I had assumed we were on the same page."
Stoick was beginning to wish he had retreated with Sigrid and Arne as the argument became more and more personal. Though, he figured that a lot of the feelings Hiccup had had in the past, were at least partially his fault. He hadn't known how Hiccup had felt about the arranged marriage either, he had agreed to it so easily. Stoick felt guilty now, finally knowing how Hiccup had truly felt about the situation.
"I wandered off that day, because I thought that you would want a break from my constant presence. The gods know that everyone else on Berk hated having me around. I thought I was doing you a favor. It hadn't occurred to me, until that day, that I had to start telling you where I was going and what I was doing. No one had ever cared before, what I did, so long as it didn't interfere with them. No one had ever taken notice when I disappeared— for days at at time, even. So no, it also didn't occur to me that I should tell you how I felt about the marriage." Hiccup finally responded, and his words cut Astrid and Stoick deep. "How I felt never mattered to anyone. I was willing to go through with it anyway, because it was always about what I should be doing for everyone else and how I was unable to be what the people needed. I didn't think my feelings mattered at all. So what if I felt like the only useful thing I could ever do for my people, was to give them the next heir? The only value I had was in my ability to produce the next heir of Berk. That was all anyone cared about. After that, I would have outlived my brief usefulness. I wouldn't have a purpose anymore. I thought you were only willing to be married to me because you would be saving the people from having me as a future chief."
Astrid struggled to find the right response, everything Hiccup had said was a lot to take in. "That's not- I didn't... I wasn't in it for the title of chief. I've been trying to encourage you to take that responsibility."
"The purpose of the arranged marriage wasn't to replace you, Hiccup, it was to ensure the future of Berk." Stoick sided with Astrid, hoping to give Hiccup some reassurance about his wife. Hiccup glanced at his father sharply. "Astrid agreed to the marriage because she wanted to marry you."
"I know that now." Hiccup responded simply. "That doesn't change how I felt back then."
"Having Zephyr isn't the only thing you had to contribute to Berk." Astrid assured. "You have a purpose..."
Hiccup looked down, remembering the dark days when he had been just waiting for the moment when he would end things. Zephyr had been a light in his life, the thing that kept him going. Now Toothless had given him a purpose as well.
"Hiccup?" Astrid's tone was soft and gentle, knowing that they had struck a chord. "I'm sorry that I invaded your privacy... but I'm kind of glad that I did. You weren't ever going to confide in me, but at least I knew then, how you felt and how I should move forward with our marriage. Seeing just how dark your thoughts could get... it gave me insight into just how big of a toll things had taken on you. There were times I worried... I feared that you might... you would leave me to do everything on my own, because you didn't have the will to live."
When Hiccup looked back up, meeting her gaze with an empty look in his eyes— that confirmed it for Astrid. He had been planning to do just that. Another sob escaped Astrid and she had to take a couple steps back, so that she could sit in a chair. Stoick startled, looking at his son with new eyes. Had he really, nearly driven his son to that? Suddenly, Stoick was seeing different moments in Hiccup's life in a new light. The time he had let himself be injured by the dragon while training. All the reckless things he had done, as if he hadn't cared about his own life. He... hadn't. He really hadn't cared.
"I'm sorry, Astrid. I didn't see things for what they really were, back then." Hiccup hated to see Astrid so distraught. "I thought you would be chief, you would have an heir, and there wouldn't be a place for me. I didn't think anyone would want my influence over our heir— and they didn't, as it turns out."
"But now they do." Astrid argued back, still teary. "The people have realized their mistakes, they care about you."
Hiccup looked away from her. He still wasn't sure if he believed that. They had been so nice, to give his family what they needed, when their home and all their belongings had burned, and he was grateful. But it was hard to believe that after years and years of abuse and hurt, they suddenly decided that they did in fact like him. He had spent much of his life thinking that he was unlikable and not fully understanding why.
"You should have heard them, when they thought you and Zephyr had died." Stoick decided to speak up again, since he was part of this intimate discussion for some reason. "People spoke up on your behalf, said that they appreciated all the little things you have done for them."
"What things?" Hiccup gave his dad a confused look.
"Repairing Mulch's farming equipment, retrieving Mildew's sheep from the well, helping anyone who happened to be in need." Stoick listed.
"That's nothing." Hiccup disagreed. So he believed in basic, human kindness. No one had cared before. Often times, he was chased off not long after trying to help out. He had even lost his resolve to be kind to others for a time, instead just keeping to himself, considering the act of staying out of everyone's lives, the one act of kindness that people would appreciate.
"It wasn't, not to them." Stoick argued back, not quite understanding how Hiccup could think so little of his own actions.
Hiccup was getting fed up with this. He hadn't intended to get into all of this when he had returned. He had simply thought he would have to live with the lie he was going to have to tell his wife, to protect Toothless and his hatchlings. With a sigh, Hiccup walked to the table and sat next to Astrid.
"Can you at least tell me that you no longer feel that way?" Astrid turned in her seat so that she could speak to Hiccup. He turned so that he could look back at her.
"I don't." He said simply.
"That's hardly reassuring." Astrid protested. "After years of me worrying about you? I've seen all the scars that you have, they can't all possibly be from the forge. You had a panic attack the other day, simply because you had to interact with people. You still don't believe that our people care about you. I don't want to have to worry, every time you wander off, whether or not you're going to come back."
"All those scars are from the forge. I just used to not care about my own well-being, so I wasn't careful." Hiccup decided to answer all of Astrid's concerns honestly, so she would stop stressing herself out so much. He wanted her to know that his family meant everything to him, that while he had been searching for the Night Fury, he had come to the realization that he really did care about his own life now. "I've spent so much of my life avoiding people, I don't think that's going to go away anytime soon." Hiccup turned so that he was completely facing Astrid. He took one of her hands in his and looked into her eyes. "I promise that I won't ever leave you to do all of this on your own. I wasn't able to go through with it. After seeing Zephyr for the first time, I knew I couldn't abandon her. I knew I had a new purpose, and that it was to care for her. I had seen everything you had gone through, and the toll it had taken on you, and I knew I couldn't abandon you either, to care for Zephyr on your own. I love our family, I love being a dad. I never thought I would find happiness, but I did. I wouldn't do that to you or to our family."
Astrid gave Hiccup a teary smile, appreciating his honesty. With that said, Hiccup reached into his satchel and withdrew the finished sketchbook. He set it down in front of Astrid and kissed her on the top of her head as he stood up.
"I'm going to the forge." He informed her quietly before excusing himself to leave. He had promised Toothless that he would help him, after all, and he needed to make some kind of brace for his tail fin, to help it heal properly.
After watching Hiccup leave, Astrid turned her attention to the sketchbook in front of her, the message clear— she was welcome to look and he didn't hold it against her that she had invaded his privacy in the past. She vaguely registered as Stoick sat in the seat across from her at the table. That was fine, if Hiccup didn't want anyone else to see what was inside his sketchbook, he would have told her it was for her eyes only.
Stoick hadn't felt entirely comfortable during the discussion between husband and wife, and he had considered excusing himself at one point. However, neither had told him to leave and he was actually grateful to have been able to hear all that was said. He had been trying to make a connection with his son, had been making an effort to understand him and empathize with him and his past feelings. Stoick felt like he had failed, yet again, when he had jumped to conclusions as opposed to letting Hiccup explain himself— when his son had returned from being gone for most of the day.
Now, though, Stoick understood Hiccup just a little better, and it had been hard to accept. It pained him to hear how Hiccup had felt when the marriage had been being arranged. The one thing Stoick had been trying to be very careful about, when making preparations and even in finding the right person for his son to marry, was in making sure his son wouldn't end up being used for the sake of an heir and his title. It was a delicate thing and something he had put a lot of thought into. He had considered his son's feeling back then, but Hiccup had closed himself off a long time before and Stoick could never tell what he was thinking. Stoick supposed that he shouldn't have just told Hiccup about what changes he would deal with in his new life and what his new responsibilities would be, he should have tried to discuss things more and tried to get Hiccup to open up and tell him his thoughts and feelings on the matter. If they could have had a good discussion between father and son, about how they felt about things and why their duties as the chief and heir were so important, the transition for Hiccup could have been better for him. Though he wished he had handled things better in the past, he was very happy to see that things had worked out for Hiccup and Astrid.
Stoick watched as Astrid handled the sketchbook that Hiccup had left for her. She opened the leather bound book with care, loving that Hiccup was willing to open up and share with her and the rest of their family. He wasn't as closed off as he used to be. Astrid could see now, how far Hiccup had come. Even if it seemed like slow progress with the rest of the village, he was getting better.
Astrid put a hand to her mouth as she looked at the first page in the book, it was a drawing of Zephyr as a baby. The sketch was beautiful and really captured their daughter's expression and personality even though it was likely done by memory. She had been a pleasant and happy baby. Astrid's mom had often teased her, that they had gotten lucky, having their first baby be such an easy one. Now, Sigrid teased her that their new baby was going to be a handful and Astrid had a feeling that her mother was going to be right.
As Astrid flipped through the book slowly, she found that the general tone and feel of this sketchbook was very different to the one she had viewed before. Most of the pages were filled with drawings of their family, some of places he would take Zephyr to play, quick sketches of animals that could be seen in the forest, some technical drawings, recordings of some of Zephyr's accomplishments, and... curiously, the dragon with the big eyes made the occasional appearance. Astrid still wondered about that. However, despite that oddity, Astrid was left with an uplifting feeling when she closed the sketchbook. Hiccup wasn't as lost as he used to be, he was much happier and he really did love his family very much. Astrid felt reassured and comforted as she held the sketchbook. She would treasure it forever.
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A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed! This was the last of the Night Fury chapters. New chapters will be up soon. Since Inktober and writing "Forge Window" did take up quite a bit of my time, I'm a little behind on writing the next chapters for this story and "Deviation."
On Oct. 31 there will be a new chapter for "Forge Window," then the following Monday there will be another update for "Forge Window." After that, hopefully, I will have another "Deviation" chapter ready and I can resume my updating schedule of switching between that one and this story. I appreciate all of you readers for supporting my stories! You're all amazing!
Silver Sentinel: That's true, Hiccup is good with those hatchlings. The flashbacks do seem to come out of no where, I suppose, but I think I once told you that the Night Fury chapters read better as a whole, rather than in parts. however, it was so long that I had to split it up. The flashbacks are relevant because Hiccup, once again, ran off without telling Astrid where he was going. I think this chapter will help make the flashbacks from the last chapter seem less random.
Eikntt: I'm glad you are liking the new chapters!
ShadowSpirit020: At long last, they have bonded! It was about time that Hiccup and Toothless came together. Yeah, Stoick wasn't always so good to Hiccup, but at least he is better now and trying hard to be a better father to him.
CajunBear73: Yes, Hiccup is still doing his own thing and finding his own way. Hiccup and Toothless didn't make that connection when they were younger, but they both found happiness in their families. It only makes sense that their children would help them make a connection all these years later. They have a lot in common. This story still has a ways to go, especially with all the problems that Toothless has brought to the table— injuries, enemies, and lost loved ones.
Silvolde: I have so much planned for this story! I'm excited to be working on it again.
Ataruss: Yay! And there will continue to be more chapters! Haha, you thought that there wouldn't be any emotional parts in the last chapter, that is part of the most angsty story I've ever written? I can conjure angst out of no where. How did you take this chapter? This one was certainly emotional.
grecefar: I'm trying to update this story more regularly, along with my other one. Hopefully there won't be any more three month breaks, haha. I'm glad that I can give you something to look forward to during these rough times. I like to take respite from everything going on out there, by writing my fan fictions. Haha, no, the angst is far from being gone. There are plenty more things to address, though things are looking up for Hiccup, he's got more healing to do and more problems to face.
The Silent Insomniac: I'm so glad to hear how much you love this story! It always lifts my spirits when someone expresses how much they like one of my stories. I'm glad you like the direction I took and noticed the parallels in Hiccup's and Toothless' lives. I'm not always a fan of flashbacks in stories, it depends on how they are handled and done. For this story, however, the italics did work best. I hope you liked the new chapter!
Nicholas Wright: Well, Stoick said those things to Hiccup in the past, so he is still trying to be a better father in the present time. He is realizing the things he did wrong and is understanding Hiccup just a little better.
htvhtgjtdhzr: It's always fun to get a review from a consistent reviewer and see how they like the direction the story is going. And thank you, that's always a nice compliment to hear. Yeah, we're getting into bigger-picture/plot line stuff, on top of all the emotional stuff. I hope you like the direction the story goes!
Romatica 543: Welcome! I'm glad to see that you're reading this story now, too! Aw, thank you! Your reviews always make me feel so happy and good. I'm glad you gave this story a chance! I really wanted to explore how things could have happened for Hiccup if he didn't bond with Toothless when he was younger and instead continued to live with the verbal abuse and neglect. I do like writing angsty things, haha. I do agree, I don't think Astrid hated Hiccup before they became friends. She is incredibly competitive and was upset that after all her hard work and training, someone who has never been good at those things was beating her in dragon training. Anything she might have felt for Hiccup, I think she shoved aside so that she could become the best and protect her village. Writing Zephyr was a little difficult, but I based her off of the description of her in the "Art of the Film" book. I don't consider "Homecoming" canon, because it was just all over the place. That being said, my Nuffink won't be a little weirdo who bangs his head against things at random. I'm going to write him the way I think he should be. Thanks for the great review! I enjoy long reviews, so don't worry, haha. I hope you liked this new chapter!
CHSHicstrid: Hiccup going out to look for Toothless without a word to Astrid about where he was going, brought up some past issues that needed to be resolved. The Night Lights are cute, hopefully I can write them with more distinguishing personalities with the little information there is about them. I've never read anything by Le'letha, but maybe I'll look the author up when I have a chance. I'm glad you like how I wrote Hiccup and Toothless' bond!
KN Hudson: I'm glad you noticed the vague references I was trying to make to HTTYD. I always try to make the flashbacks relevant to what is happening in the present time. Things are better for Hiccup than they were before, but he does still have some things to heal from and address.
Black Lightning24: Thank you! I'm so glad to hear that you like the story! I hope you liked this chapter as well. Thanks for reviewing!
Yuvimalik: Thanks for reading! Updates should be about every other week.
JustInquisia: Thanks, I'm glad you like the story! It is always great to find a story you like and have a lot of chapters to catch up on, but the worst when you catch up and have to wait for updates! I hope you liked the newest chapter! If you're looking for something else to read while you wait, I've got plenty of other fan fics as well that I'd love for you to read.