Hope everyone is safe, stays healthy!

I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead

My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise enjoy ;)

Chapter 13 Paging Doctor Belikov, Waking up in June

RPOV

Waking up my body is humming as if it strangely aware of a presence. Is there going to be a bright light? Are the stories of people who claimed to have their loved ones greeting them. If so, would I first see my parents welcoming me after such a long time? Forgive me for what my younger self did causing them to be the victim of a car accident. Swallowing loud I keep them closed for a little longer afraid to see their disappointment. As my heart beats faster I hear a beeping growing more erratic. That can't be, right? Huffing annoyed I do my best to block the sound out focusing on a scent.

A comforting blanket surrounding me eases my mind of the previous worries I had. The cologne is familiar yet it isn't something Baba would wear. The warm hand stroking mine feels nice I am eager to see the person attached to it. Voices grow louder making me want to open my eyes. Blinking a few times the man standing beside me is handsome. His dark brown eyes match his silky hair making me swoon a little. Wanting to touch him my hand reaches out to carefully caress his cheek. That is until I notice who it is, intending on slapping him hard it is only a little tap. My body isn't strong enough still weak from the operation probably. WAIT, WHAT! Anger bubbling up inside me I say the first thing that comes to mind. My voice however doesn't seem to get the memo only sounding slurred.

Then he has the audacity to laugh at me, ME! Glaring or an attempt to as my eyes are slightly out of focus. No wonder he looked like an angel, damn him, ugh even being angry I want his comfort. What is even more ridiculous cause he is the reason I am feeling that way, to begin with. Only all of it fades away when Alberta is looking at me. Oh boy, I know what she is thinking right now all too well. The cat is out of the bag only this one has claws ready to scratch me. Do you know the quote 'Don't lie, because the same people who believe your lies are also the ones who believe in you?' Yeah, she has that one printed on a magnet hanging on the fridge at home. Every time I tried sneaking out it was staring at me making me feel guilty. Eating away until I blurt it all out confessing everything. Sure I kept some things to myself but only small things. Crushes I had on boys, or the need for money for items I had to buy for school.

Rather wore a second-hand school uniform than for her to break her back making extra money. She wouldn't complain about either 'When you have children of your own you will understand Rosemarie. Smile on your face gives me more satisfaction than an extra penny in the bank'. When my classmates worried about the latest fashion I just wanted her to be proud. That is not what I am seeing right now, disappointment, the worst then anger. Selfishly I felt a little relieved when she asked to talk to Dimitri first. A few more seconds for me to breathe, try to think of what to tell her.

'My mother once said when it comes to truth and lies she rather hear the painful truth than a comforting lie.' Sitting on a plastic chair is Olena knitting some kind of scarf or sock I can't tell the difference. When meeting her she already made it clear she didn't approve of me lying. Although she wasn't the first one to tell me that hers had the most impact. Maybe being a mother herself or the fact I was more aware that moment my times had come. All I know is that I don't have a snappy retort to that cause she is right. By trying to protect her I hurt Alberta more and there is nothing I can do to make it better.

Don't notice anyone coming back after she spoke cause my eyes close as I drift off again. Waking up a third time, or fourth I seriously wouldn't know. It becomes a little hard to tell if it was all a dream or reality. Snorting I shake my head, certainly not all of my friends would be here to see me. Or that his whole family is concerned about how little old me is doing. Feeling nauseous I swallow back the bile threatening to coat the inside of my mouth. Gross, the taste always lingers way too long making everything taste sour. In the hallway, I hear screams combined with a lot of other loud noises. A blur of crash cart rushes by my room making me frown. Putting my hand on my chest I feel a pressure that causing me to have trouble catching my breath. As if I am suffocating, my eyes widen filled with fear but soon it is gone again. Probably is just my body remembering the day I got rushed to the hospital. Those memories still haunt me of how I got bombarded with that goddamn awful news. Changing my life making me remind of all my failures. Nothing to worry about, right?

Pounding of shoes startles me, with wild eyes he storms into the room. Closing my eyes hoping he will go away he instead drops to knees crying. Kissing my hand over and over again he is breathing loud. Whispering words I never thought he would say. Thanking whoever it is that I am still alive, that he wasn't ready to lose me. He is glad that he has gotten a second chance to redeem himself. He sounds broken, the stoic Doctor Belikov is showing me his vulnerable side shocking me. Choked up I wasn't prepared for him to act this way. Don't get me wrong I am still angry at how he ended things. Only not to the point that I feel like he doesn't deserve my forgiveness. Kissing his hand in return he watches me carefully trying to figure out how I will react.

Surprising myself and definitely him I tug him closer kissing him on the lips. Ignoring the stabbing pain in my side I get lost in it. Soft warm lips caressing against mine carefully not to overstep. Taking control gently pushing my tongue between the seam of his lips. Then tasting sour candy I giggle making him smile in return. Expected many things, from a healthy smoothie, coffee, even chocolate milk. Sick of all the anger I choose to be happy, pretend I am not lying in a bed recovering from surgery. Yawing I feel that I am getting tired again but refuse to give in. Stabbing pain is back again, grunting I rub my chest again wanting it to stop. I had it before only not this intense like it is trying to prepare me for something. Frowning Dimitri looks concerned holding up the bag dangling beside my bed. Normally it should contain some yellowish fluid by now. Ok, ok, urine, pee, tinkle, wizz, piss! Just wish I could have used a toilet instead. 'Roza, did a nurse empty it while I was gone?' Not even letting me answer the question he lifts up the covers at my feet.

Chuckle I see they are swollen, including my ankles and even my legs. Did I suddenly gain weight without knowing it? Peaking underneath the covers I pout as my breast have remained the same size. Immediately I want to slap my palm against my forehead for having such weird thoughts. My thoughts are all over the place like I drank too much? Giggling I wonder if instead of a saline solution they put vodka in by mistake. 'Well I guess I have to start training them with ones of those paddle thingies old people use. ' Clearly he doesn't find it funny making me sigh. 'Ugh Comrade, why so serious? Turn that frown upside down!' Making funny faces only makes him look more worried, such a party pooper!

Wincing my breathing turns into panting, he right away is in "doctor serious" mode again. Pressing the red button to call for a nurse, Dimitri grabs one of those sleeves that measures your blood pressure. They always feel too tight, whining he ignores me continuing to investigate my body. This is definitely not how I want him to examine me, would be with little less clothing. Ok, more sexy clothing cause this hospital garment doesn't cover much either. When the nurse comes storming in he points at my chart he is holding. Her eyes are taking in what he has written down. After a few seconds of silence, he then starts rattling off a list of what she needs to do. Expecting to tell him to take a hike she instead nods.

The cart she rolls into the room contains an ultrasound machine. His accent is clearly thicker now 'I just want to make sure everything is alright. Some symptoms you are having are a bit alarming but I could be wrong. Promise it won't take long..' Nodding I let them do their thing although the 'imagine test' as he calls it is very unpleasant. Had nothing to do with closing your eyes fantasizing about being on an exotic island. After that it is a waiting game, drumming his fingers doctor Belikov doesn't like it. What isn't he telling me? When I open my mouth to ask, another person enters the room. Clearing his throat several times he first looks at me then at Dimitri.

'You were right to call for a blood test it seems Miss Hathaway her creatinine levels are not normal. Usually, the body filters them out with the help of your kidneys. The ultrasound shows…' Gritting my teeth I scream inside my head not wanting to hear it. The two words he ended with however became an echo inside my head 'kidney failure, kidney failure, kidney failure…' Again my body had let me down, making it hard for me to believe I had gotten a second chance.

Was I to blame for this? I did let everything up to fate, not taking all the medication I should. Or is it a sign? Am I postponing the inevitable…' We need to determine if dialyzes is enough to repair to damage or if she needs a transplant.' Is that enough or will I have another complication? Walls are closing in on me again making it hard to digest this new information 'I need to think about it.' They both look shocked hearing me say that. Especially after having surgery not so long ago what should extend my life. 'Please Comrade, I can't… I just want to be alone' Defeated I turn away so I don't have to face both of them. Gone is the happy moment, all that is left is numbness consuming me. Ignoring everyone that comes in trying to talk to me I close off from the world. Do I keep fighting or was I right to think I never meant to survive it all? Things are constantly being thrown at me.

The door closes 'Little rebel.' Frozen I dare not to look at him, the last time we saw each other things didn't end well. What is he doing here? Not caring if I face him or not he starts talking 'When you broke up with me it felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. Many times I thought the only solution to stop the pain was to take my own life.' Flinching my mouth becomes dry making it hard to swallow. 'Desperation makes you go crazy' He takes a deep breathe 'I didn't understand why it ended the way it did. Wasn't I good enough for you? Struggling with the darkness inside me I started drinking. No longer caring how I looked I stopped showering. Didn't bother to brush my teeth, shave or most importantly eat. My mother might not always show it but she was scared of losing me.'

Turning I see the sorrow in his eyes, his clothes are rumpled. Usually dressed in the finest clothes he now only is wearing a tank top. 'One day a woman is standing at my door looking like an angel. She was sent to clean up the mess I created. Instead of letting her in, I started yelling at her to get lost. But my sweet buttercup wouldn't have any of it. Snorting she pushed passed me doing the job she was hired to do. Days went by, I started looking forward to her stopping by. Deliberately making a mess so she would stay longer.' A small smile appears on his face 'First, she wanted nothing to do with me of course. I like to say it was my good looks persuading her. However, she would most likely smack me on the head hearing that.' When you showed up at the door I saw a ghost of the past I wanted to forget. Old wounds got ripped open again. Pain I thought was in the past came back with full force. Instead of embracing it, I crumbled letting it fester until I exploded.'

Swallowing his adam's apple is bobbing up and down. Tears are rolling down his cheek making me want to wipe them away. I am not worthy of those, why am I always hurting him? Knew I should have never made that stupid list. All of this could have been avoided. He deserves so much better…. Tucking a lock of hair behind my ear he closes his eyes. Then without warning, he presses his lips against mine.

He answering the note I left, this his way of showing he will always love me too. Even though we belong to another he owns a small part of my heart. As I will have a part of his. Pressing his forehead against mine he barely gets the words out 'Please Rose, don't break my heart again by giving up I will not survive it..' Licking my lips no words come out of my mouth.

He isn't the only one whose heart you will be breaking... The whispering inside becomes louder tired of being ignored. After hearing Dimitri open up finally I told him to leave. Coward.., nothing is making any sense right now. Blinking my eyes I feel my cheeks getting wet. Only it isn't coming from my eyes, Adrian… His salty tears are dripping onto my cheeks as he kisses me one more time. Without another word, he steps away walking out the door. Pausing for a few seconds he grips the farme of the door. My eyes go to his right shoulder blade... I don't need to see the whole tattoo up close in order to know what it is.

A small replica of the heart he painted with the rose wrapped around it. The wall I build to keep myself from losing it crumbles. Then all I see is Dimitri praying for me to come back to him. Promises he is making to do better this time. My mind is swirling driving me crazy seeing the faces of the people I love. Not knowing how much time has passed when all that is left to see is the white glaring at me. Nobody is standing by my side holding my hand. Is this not the very thing I hoped never to experience ever again. Crying until I had no tears left, desperate to no longer have to face everything by myself….

Cause that is what I am again, alone! I crack, I don't want to die… I WANT TO LIVE GODDAMMIT! Looking up as if I can see the sky peeking through the cracks of celling I pray. 'Give me a sign please, that I deserve to live…I am begging you…' Either I am hallucinating or dreaming as I see a hand reaching out to me. Brushing my cheek I feel the warmth of it even though it is translucent. It reminds me of my mother when she put me to bed checking on me. Then it is gone 'Thank you' if this is how my life is supposed to be then I will face anything he throws at me. Only this time I refuse to do this without anybody. I need you Dimitri Belikov cause without you I am incomplete...