A/N: Not going to say a word about hoping things are smooth and painless this time, not after all the shenanigans with the site last time, just thank you everyone for your continuing support and as usual huge thanks to Flossy.
-OG-
There was this definite little buzz of excitement in the pit of her stomach at being back part of it, being there on her own and planning a night out with mates made it feel almost like old times. Like she was turning the clock back. Alright, she was out of practice pushing her way to the barrier with all the other 17 million people on the platform who all seemed to be in some sort of tearing bloody rush, and that included the sod who tried to cripple her. He'd trod on the back of her heel and then hadn't even had the decency to say he was sorry, had just hissed at her that she was too fucking slow and was in his way, and had then fucked right off before she could tell him in words her kids were forbidden to use just what an arsehole he was. She was out of practice with that and all. Not a bit like the old days, now she was too bloody slow by half.
She'd got no idea why any of it at all felt even the tiniest bit exciting, it just did. She'd bloody missed it. All of it. Too many people in too much of a hurry, all the noise and bustle, even the pigeon shit and prison grey of the platform and the whole getting incensed with an arsehole thing, although none of it actually meant she could imagine living there again, even despite the energy that was somehow missing at home.
They'd planned to meet outside Costa, Molly would dump her stuff at Jackie's and then they'd eat before meeting the others in the pub. Just like old times. But now she was standing there and the bloody concourse was packed with all these people rushing off to wherever and she couldn't see hide nor hair of Jackie anywhere. She was getting a bit worried she'd maybe got it wrong, was in the wrong place, it wasn't like Jackie to let her down. She hadn't checked her phone for messages, had been convinced that she'd have heard if there was, and was right, there was bugger all which was a little bit gutting, because apart from wondering where the fuck Jackie had got to, she'd been half hoping, alright maybe half expecting, to see something from Charles. But there was nothing. Not even a missed call. She knew logically he'd think ringing and leaving a message would have her imagining all sorts, she'd be thinking the house had burned down with the kids in it or something, but that didn't stop her having to tell herself not to be bloody pathetic as she sent a quick "I'm here, where r u?" text to Jackie and then bunged the phone back in her bag. Out of the way of temptation. If she sent him a text telling him she was there safe he'd think she was a bleeding nutjob, it was only an hour since she'd left home to meet a friend in London, she wasn't deploying to some shitty bloody war zone, so why the fuck wouldn't she of got there safe?
Suddenly scanning all the crowds of people who weren't Jackie, Molly was sorry she'd made no effort to see her for bloody ages, had even avoided talking to her since Sasha. There was this huge lump of guilt and regret in her throat at the thought of what a really crap friend she'd been. She'd got no idea what had been going on in Jac's life, she'd been so wrapped up in wallowing in her own miseries that she hadn't got a clue, hadn't once even really thought about asking if things were going well with her.
And then there was a few blank seconds where she just stood and stared. In total shock. She wasn't sure that she could believe what was in front of her, even though she was seeing it with her own eyes.
"Fuck me, Jacs … hardly recognised you …"
She threw her arms round the other girl and hugged her meaning Jackie raised her eyebrows in puzzled surprise before returning the hug. It wasn't something they did as a rule.
"Half the time I don't recognise myself… get a bit of a shock that it's me" She gave a self-deprecating little laugh and then moved an arm's length away to look at Molly "What's up?"
"Nothin'… Why would anything be up? Just wanted to see you that's all, catch up … been a while, hasn't it? But ne'er mind about me … look at you … bloody hell …you been a bit busy mate"
"Why? What's wrong with it?" Jackie self-consciously patted her hair which had gone from the long brown curls she'd always had to a very, very short urchin cut that was not only flatteringly feathery round her face but was a startling ash blonde with a variety of different highlights and lowlights. It was, in Molly's opinion, spectacularly gorgeous "Fancied a bit of a change … I like it … what do you think?" Jackie sounded a little defensive as if she was tired of having to justify the change in the way she looked.
"I love it, you look bloody gorgeous … go on, do a twirl …" Molly made a spinning movement with a finger in the air and then grinned as Jackie obliged "And it really suits you, dunnit?" Actually, she wasn't sure whether that was her being 100% honest, it was true it was lovely, but so bloody different it was going to take some getting used to "Just … I wasn't expecting it, was I? … What does Neil think?"
Molly had a vague memory of what it had been like when she'd gone blonde, at the time she'd thought she was the dog's bollocks even if it hadn't been anything like as good as Jackie's bleach job. Well couldn't be could it, it had been an amateur job which had, with hindsight, been more than a bit on the brassy side.
"He's a bloke so he doesn't think does he? … He just opens his bloody trap and says the first thing that comes in his head…"
"Oh …that good eh?"
"Well …no, to be fair, he says he likes it … but then he wouldn't dare say anything else, would he? Anyway, what does it matter what he thinks, it's not his hair"
"True"
Molly wondered what Charles would say if she arrived home with her hair like that. He loved her hair like it was, loved to smooth his hands over it and run his fingers through it and bunch it up when he kissed her, she knew he'd bloody hate it but would be crapping himself with trying not to say the wrong thing. He'd never think it was up to him and she couldn't help being a bit narked with herself that almost the first thing that had come out her gob was to ask what Jackie's bloke thought of it. For fuck sake, it didn't matter what he thought, Jackie was right, it was none of his business what she did with her hair.
And she could well understand Jackie wanting a change, it was just it was a bit on the drastic side. And she'd lost a bloody ton of weight as well, Molly couldn't help thinking that next to her Jackie looked like a bleeding stick insect while she looked all soft and flabby.
"And bloody hell Jacs, just look at you … you look bloody incredible … where's your arse gone?"
"Thanks … come on, Molls l don't want to talk about me, let's go and have a drink and talk about you … you look really well, having all that sex all the time and a whole tribe of kids obviously suits you"
"How do you know how much sex I 'ave, been married too long for all that …" She giggled "'ere … you bloody saying I look fat? You do know that next to you every bugger does … you make me look like my arse is the size of a fucking house" Molly giggled again, not altogether sure whether she was joking or not. It didn't matter what Charles said, he was only trying to make her feel better. Looking at Jackie was making her feel it was past time to seriously do something about her lingering baby weight "Marcus asked me the other day if I knew my bum took up the whole of the kitchen chair when I sat down…nice I thought"
"Obviously going to be a silver-tongued charmer like his dad" Jackie shouted with laughter "No you bloody idiot … course I don't think you're fat, you're not fat, that's not what I'm saying … look at you, you don't look any older … definitely not old enough to have a kid that's left school"
"That's because I'm not … Sam's not mine, muppet" Molly giggled.
"Oh sorry … forgot"
"Nah you bloody didn't …come on, are we gonna stand 'ere all day or shall we go 'n get a cuppa?"
Jackie turned to look at the queue in Costa and then raised her eyebrows.
"Pub?"
"Bit early innit?"
"That's not the Molls I know … she'd never say it was too early for the pub"
"Oi … first I'm fat … now I'm some sort of lush" Molly was trying her best to sound offended "Have you know I'm bloody respectable, me"
"Oh sorry, forgot you spend your days singing and cutting up the curtains to make playsuits for the kids …" She paused and laughed "On maybe lose the singing"
"Fuck off"
Jackie laughed and tucked Molly's arm through hers "Anyway, how are you really? And those gorgeous kids of yours … not to mention the lovely Charles, is he still smiling and charming the knickers off every woman he meets?"
Molly hadn't breathed a single word about Sasha to Jackie or anyone else for that matter. At the time it had all kicked off she'd been in this daze of horror and disbelief and a whole shed-load of denial so it would have felt very disloyal, and anyway, she'd likely have felt she had to defend him and she hadn't been sure she could. And then it turned out none of it was real so she was beyond glad she hadn't said anything, there was always that no smoke without fire thing and in spite of Jackie being a really good mate, she hadn't got the slightest wish to go over any of it again. Ever. And the weekend was supposed to be all about having fun and feeling better, not about remembering how shit everything in her life had been since all that.
"Excuse me that's my old man you're talking about … and he's not a bit like that … that's slander … or libel … or whatever, one of them anyway, don't let him hear you saying stuff like that, he bloody hates it"
"Touchy … it was a joke Moll"
"Sorry … yeah I know it was … he's fine and so are the kids … well, apart from I sometimes think they're a bit mutt and jeff … spend all my time saying the same things over and over, pack it in, stop it, stop bickering, stop being rude, stop hitting one another, stop feeding your bleeding dinner to the dog …"
"Sounds lovely …"
"You don't mean that do you?"
"No"
"Thought not"
-OG-
If she'd closed her eyes when they came up from the tube she could easily have mistaken it for Newham, the smell of Camden High Street was exactly like the one she remembered. A mix of kebabs and spices and fast food and exhaust from the buses, the dusty smell that said London. The shops were basically the same as well, there was second-hand tat being called re-cycled, and the ones flogging saris and 't' shirts with the stalls outside on the pavement and a little supermarket selling all foreign stuff and even the same type of butcher her dad always swore sold dead dogs. Even though she knew she'd never been there before it all felt achingly familiar, even the group of skanky looking teenagers in a huddle by the bus shelter looking furtive and taking turns to puff something dubious. But then as they turned into Chalk Farm Road everything changed. It smelled of upmarket restaurants and Italian food and coffee shops and there were lots of trendy looking pubs all catering for the tourists that flock to Camden Lock to buy dodgy memorabilia and souvenirs. Or to browse the vintage stalls and waste a shed load of money on trendy clothes that fall apart in 5 minutes, and dodgy leather jackets and biker boots and bits of jewellery and was as far as Molly was concerned an absolute treasure trove. She'd have killed to go for a wander round and have a bit of an explore, but before she got a chance to even suggest they did anything like that, Jackie turned down a side street.
"Not far… the one with the Range Rover outside"
"Shit … you jammy cow … is that yours?"
"No …course not …on what I get paid? Nope … belongs to the bloke next door … don't know what he does … but think it's probably better not to ask"
"I see … nice 'ere though, innit?"
Jackie lived in the bottom half of one of the hundreds of identical converted terraced houses, the sort of period place that Molly would have killed to live in before Charles. It had all the original period bits and bobs that were so bleeding trendy, the original tiles in the hallway and the high ceilings and the tiled fireplace and all the rest and it was exactly how she'd pictured it all that time back. Which meant she also had a pretty fair idea of just how bloody expensive it was to live there. Even to rent.
"It's really lovely Jacs"
"Yeah… can't really afford it on my own of course, but … well, I'm giving it a go, and I've always known eating was over-rated"
"Yeah I can see that … still can't say I blame you … must be lovely to live 'ere" She wasn't just saying it to be nice, it was lovely and dead trendy and what the estate agents call sought after or something "Gotta say it's a bit different to your last gaffe" Molly looked around and giggled, Jackie had been living in barracks.
"You reckon?"
"Yeah … just a bit … so … come on then …. what he's done? And don't say nothing"
"Who?"
"Come off it, you know who"
"Alright … butreally it's nothing … we want different things, that's all" Jackie shrugged and pulled a face "So… you know … and I really don't want to talk about him … it's bloody depressing"
"He's not that bad"
"He's not that good either"
"Oookaaay … so its … 10 reasons why he's always been a wanker then?"
"Yep … but later, now there's a bottle in the fridge … far more important"
"Still a bit early, innit?"
Two hours later and Molly was really wishing she'd at least listened a little bit to the voice in her head that had been trying to warn her to pace herself, it appeared she really was a fucking lightweight these days. They'd made short work of the bottle of red that had been in the fridge, something that Jackie swore improved it but that on its own would have given Charles a Julius, and then they'd polished off a bottle of cheap white or maybe it was only pretending to be wine when it was actually vinegar all along. And when that ran out neither of them could be arsed to walk to the shop and anyway it was raining, Jackie had magically produced a couple of bottles of Peroni each. And whereas Jackie still appeared to be 100% bloody sober, Molly was definitely well on the way to being shit faced.
They hadn't stopped talking for nearly two hours and had laughed so much her face was hurting, they'd talked about the past and about mutual friends and about their jobs, well Jackie had because she had one, and Molly had told her all about the turd in the hairy jumper and his lovely habit of talking to her tits. And when Jackie had finished laughing Molly told her about how he only ever offered her shit shifts and jobs no-one else wanted, and Jackie thought for a second and then suggested it might be because he knew she had child care issues. Molly thought about it for a minute and then drunkenly admitted that she hated him so much it hadn't even occurred to her. Not once. And then they'd both fallen about laughing and agreed it was definitely because he was an arsehole, there was no other reason. Molly knew without looking that the eye makeup she'd so carefully applied about a thousand years earlier was now all over her gob, that she looked like a pound shop Kardashian with bloodshot eyes and cheeks that were all flushed and hot while her head was spinning a bit, alright a lot. And there was still a hell of a lot of drinking time left, because it wasn't even 4 o'clock for fuck sake, she was going to be face down in the gutter by the time they went to eat. All she really wanted was to curl up on the sofa and have a little kip. Like a middle-aged mum with a fat bum. Shit.
"I really want a baby … and he says he doesn't"
"What?"
"You heard … I mean … I know, I know … I've always said I wasn't bothered, that I like kids but didn't want to grow one of my own, and then, I don't know, it all changed" Molly realised that Jackie wasn't quite as sober as she'd thought, she was spilling the beans about stuff she'd said she didn't want to talk about and she was definitely slurring "I'm older than you Molls … I'm 36, alright bloody nearly 37 and it'll be too fucking late soon… that's if it's not already"
"Course it's not, you got years yet … so, you told Neil you want … what? To get married and have kids … and after all this time together the bastard knocked you back?"
"No … well yes, I mean I'm not worried about the married bit … I just want a baby and he said he doesn't, doesn't want anything to change"
"Well he might change his mind … you know … it might just be he's 'aving a bit of a panic … thinks it's too grown up or something … men can be such prannets"
"Doesn't matter if he does … not now … he said if I just forget all this nonsense we can carry on like before, but I don't think so, too late"
"Oh shit, I dunno what to say Jacs …except I'm sorry … I thought he was one of the good 'uns"
"Me too …but, live 'n learn, don't you?"
Molly wanted desperately to say that in her opinion he was a selfish fucker who was so far up himself that he didn't deserve to have one more minute of her time, and okay she might have told Jackie she thought he was a good 'un but that just went to show how wrong you could be. Jackie should bin him immediately and give herself a chance to find someone else, someone who'd love her more than he loved himself. But despite being a bit pissed, she did manage to keep her mouth shut, wasn't quite drunk enough to forget that if she said anything like that it was a recipe for disaster because if they made up Jackie would be bound to remember Molly slagging him off.
-OG-
"Hello gorgeous … it's me"
"I know … hello you, what's up?"
"Nothin' … I just called to say I love you … 'ere that's a song innit?"
Molly had wanted to scream and shout and then hit Neil somewhere that would be really painful with something that would really hurt, and had then been desperately trying to remember whether she'd been tactless and had said things about kids being tedious that would have been hurtful. And she had this overpowering need to talk to him. To hear his voice and know he was there and that he loved her and loved their children. But she hadn't thought it through, because it was far harder than she'd thought to hide how pissed she was.
"Yup it is indeed … and ditto … love you too" Molly could hear him laughing at her "Oh Christ, just how pissed are you?"
"Are you laughing at me? That's not very nice is it? 'n I'm not pissed … not very … hardly at all"
"If you say so …" She could hear him trying not to laugh "Before you ask, we're all still alive so you can stop worrying … okay? Are you having a good time?"
"Me? Yeah, course, why wouldn't I be? How 'bout you?"
"Me? Well I'm not pissed … but thank you for asking…"
"Smartarse … I meant are you 'aving a nice time?'"
"Lovely thanks … so good I may never recover"
"Oh …blimey … good as that?" Molly giggled "How's the 'en 'ouse, all done? All ready for 'em?"
"What fucking hen house? Nope … not even close … didn't even manage to get started"
"Why not?"
"Let me see now … by the time I'd finally persuaded Livvie that she really did want to have a nlce little nap and had agreed a bloody fee with Chloe for listening out for her…."
"What? You bribed her?"
"She told me it was the going rate"
"Did she? Saw you coming then, didn't she?"
"Oh yeah … then after I put a stop to the other two trying to kill each other with the nail gun, apparently something to do with Marcus moving his bed out there to live with the fucking chickens, it was bloody pissing down … how the fuck you ever get anything done is beyond me"
He hadn't really doubted his own ability to manage, and definitely wasn't about to say anything that would make her have any doubts that he was coping. It wasn't as if he hadn't looked after them on his own before, but it had always been for just a few hours when Molly was at work. This was a whole different ball bag. He was tired. Not physically exhausted, not yet anyway, but frustrated at not being able to get on with anything, and with the feeling he needed eyes on everywhere all the time and that he couldn't relax his guard for a single second. So far none of it had proved to be the walk in the park he'd blithely imagined it was going to be, and there was still tea and bath and bedtime to get through, the finishing line was nowhere near in sight just yet.
"S'pose it must be I'm a genius … you do know you're gonna 'ave to sort it, don't you, even if it's pissing down … or maybe we can buy one, bloody things will be here Tuesday 'n then Basil Brush will be polishing his knife and fork ready to come round for his tea"
"I know" Molly could hear him grinning "We can have another go tomorrow when you're back …if you're very good I'll let you use my nail gun"
"Is that one of them euphemisms?"
"If you like …" He laughed "Millie was having a whinge that if Marcus is allowed to have chickens then it's only fair she be allowed to have a pig…"
"What? Nah … absolutely not Charles … pigs bloody stink, NO" Molly paused "Hope you bloody told her … No. FUCKING. Way"
"Well I don't know, you have to admit she has a point … actually I thought it was an excellent idea, bacon to go with the eggs" He made a snorting noise "And maybe a sheep … lamb chops?"
"Fuck off… you … bloody piss taking … you're winding me up, aren't you?"
"Me? No, never … okay, perhaps … just a tad … your fault, you make it too easy "
"I'll get you for that"
"Is that a promise? Lovely … look forward to it … now, give my love to Jackie and say hello to the lads for me and … do me a favour, Moll, have something to eat before you have any more to drink … okay?"
"Why? Already told you I'm not pissed … well seeing you asked me so nice … love you"
"I know you do, I love you too … now piss off Dawsey and just take it easy"
"Dunno know what you mean"
"Oh yes you do"
-OG-
Molly had expected to be drinking in a typical London boozer, somewhere a bit like the Earl where she'd first learned to hold her drink. She expected it to be dark and dank and a bit gloomy with lots of dark wood and fake red velvet and a permanently wet carpet from spilt pints. But it was nothing like that, it was all bright and was bloody empty, although Jackie said it was popular and would be packed later on. There were very few places to park your bum, no seats as such, it was just mainly shelf type tables round pillars for people to rest their drinks. But Molly's feet were being crippled by her new boots so she was bloody glad to see a couple of sofas against the back wall and gratefully plonked herself down. And almost disappeared into it. It was just like sitting on a blancmange so that she was struggling to extricate herself which wasn't helped by her still being a bit pissed even though she'd done as she'd promised and eaten. They'd gone to The Pancake Palace which was dead trendy with black everywhere and these cripplingly uncomfortable chrome stools to perch on, stools that were murder on your bum. Initially she'd squinted at the menu and turned her nose up at the idea of spicy chicken in pancakes, in her book pancakes were sweet, filled with Nutella or something, so chicken just felt all wrong. But not only had she promised Charles she'd soak up some of the booze but she was bloody starving on top so against her better judgement she reluctantly nibbled a tiny little bit. And found she bloody loved them. Not only could she have eaten Jackie's share as well as her own but was wondering if she could ask the waiter if he knew whether Mr Bird's Eye did them.
Molly's struggles to haul her arse out of the nightmare sofa meant both her and Jackie had an attack of uncontrollable giggles, which, along with Molly having the hiccups, definitely wasn't helping make it any easier for her to extricate herself.
"I'd know that bloody cackle anywhere … well, well, well … Molly Dawes as I live and breathe … finally, she's seen sense and come to make an honest man of me"
"Sorry mate, 'fraid your timing's a bit shit … it'd get in the way of me training as an international assassin"
"Always knew you'd go far … "
"Ha bloody ha, hilarious … you 'aven't changed much … still making crap jokes I see"
"Why would I want to change when I'm already perfect? Here…" He grinned his cheeky grin and put out a hand to haul her to her feet "You need one of those frame things to help you get up these days then?"
"Fuck off … I do not … I'd forgotten how much I 'ate you"
"No you don't … you lurve me, everyone lurves me"
"Hello Fingers …"
OG-