Christmas Holidays 1976

Hermione found herself thinking about her conversation with Dorea frequently over the days before Christmas. Both she and Remus had spent the time quietly together, withdrawn from everything around them in the same way they had spent the rest of the month.

Their mother had noticed their strange behaviour but refrained from commenting on it. Too busy to spend much time at home, especially around the holidays when money was often tight. Something about the holiday always made their parents more desperate in their search to cure Remus' lycanthropy, craving a return to the normalcy neither of the twins could remember.

It meant they were largely left to each other's company though, so she had plenty of time to think over their conversation. The more Hermione thought about their discussion, the more she knew she needed answers. Needed to understand why Sirius had done it, and her rage slowly faded into disappointed confusion.

There were other motivations behind her desire to reunite with Sirius too though. Some selfish, some not. If the Whomping Willow Incident had taught her anything, it was that she couldn't rely on anyone else regarding her brother's safety. Something that only motivated her to achieve the animagus transformation faster.

She had continued with her meditations alone easily enough but knew she would eventually need the assistance of someone else. For the moment she still hadn't seen anything of her form, instead, feeling it flicker on the edge of her subconscious every time she fell into the trance.

It was close, she was sure. Pattering around just out of reach. She wished she could see something, but she also recalled what she had told Sirius the last time they had talked before that morning.

That she suspected her stress over everything with Hogsmeade was preventing her from seeing anything further with her meditations. It hadn't changed, maybe the source of her anxiety had, everything to do with Remus having firmly supplanted any underlying tensions from the attack, but she was still on edge.

Her heightened desire to find her form may have been working against her too; leaving her straining desperately to see a point that was just out of reach, rather than allowing her form to make itself known to her naturally.

Still, she knew it was close, and once she started seeing even the smallest of details, it would only be a matter of waiting for it to solidify itself in her psyche. Waiting to truly feel this more primal version of herself and for the right storm to ease her into the transformation.

It was what she needed someone else for. To help her as she actually tried to transform, to assist in case anything went wrong, and Sirius was still the only person who knew what she was attempting.

Logically, Hermione knew she could ask James, but she also knew she couldn't for all the same reasons she hadn't the first time. Besides, as angry as she had been with him, something about the transformation had felt private. A secret between her and Sirius that she couldn't bring herself to betray to the others.

Her other, less selfish motivation for resuming communication with Sirius, was the desire to give Remus back his friends. She knew how much he relied on them and how they had been his support through his years at Hogwarts. Helping make the endless cycle of pain and exhaustion worth it. Plus, she didn't want to risk what had happened affecting the future in the same way it had once before.

Knowing she planned to talk to Sirius, Hermione also knew she had to tell Remus first. Her brother didn't deserve to be caught off guard by her attempts at reparations. Even though she knew Remus would never have expected her to break things off with the other Marauders, she also knew he had been relieved to have an escape in her.

Therefore, she somewhat hesitantly approached his door. It was late, and her parents had already gone to sleep, claiming the desire to be well-rested for Christmas the next day, not that they had any serious plans. Knocking quietly, she heard her brother's somewhat groggy voice come from within,

"Yes?"

Peeking her head around the door, Hermione watched as a sleep-rumpled Remus moved to sit up in his bed. Immediately she felt guilty for waking him. She had planned on coming earlier but had worried about their parents overhearing. Neither she nor Remus had told them what had happened, both happy for the Incident to be something Dumbledore kept within the walls of Hogwarts. Hermione, for once, agreeing with the Headmaster.

Similarly, neither wanted to see their parent's reactions as they both already knew what to expect. Overly attentive doting from their mother, who knew of no other way to deal with what had happened to her son; they both loved her for it, but it would do nothing to make Remus feel better and instead was more likely to force him back into a self-pitting melancholy.

Their father's reaction would have been worse. A stony silence that followed whenever Remus' lycanthropy was discussed in anything but the vaguest terms, and then a conversation regarding whether it was appropriate for Remus to be attending Hogwarts. It would inevitably have sent her brother back into his self-loathing and made Hermione mad to the point of arguing with their father.

Their mother would be silent in the background as ever, unwilling to take sides or risk commenting on something she didn't fully understand. Eventually, she would have called for peace, but by that point, the damage would have been done.

Instead of dealing with all that, they had both remained silent on the subject, relieved when neither of their parents asked more the cursory questions about their term at Hogwarts.

"Hermione?" His eyebrows were drawn together, and worry coated her name.

She didn't blame Remus for being concerned, in hindsight waking her brother in the middle of the night was hardly in character for her. At least not since their younger, nightmare filled years, but she had already resolved to tell him.

Inviting herself to sit on the end of his bed, they mirrored the conversation they shared over the summer, and she finally started talking.

"Remus," it was a whisper, "You know I love you, right?"

It was the wrong thing to start with, and she knew that even before watching fear flood his eyes, but she didn't know how else to start the conversation.

"Of course, I do Hermione, what's wrong?" his voice was tense.

"Nothing's wrong - I promise," she rushed to reassure him, but he still looked anxious, "I've just been thinking."

His face was slowly softening as she continued to speak, fear draining off his face, leaving him just looking tired.

"I know you didn't ask me not to, but I've just been so angry I haven't wanted to talk to him, but I've been thinking, and I need to know why."

"You're talking about Sirius," he sighed, clearly having understood her ramblings.

"Yes," she nodded, voice apologetic.

"Hermione, I never expected you to avoid him for me."

"I know, Remus. I didn't think you did. Truly I've just been too angry to see him, but then Mrs P had me for tea, and all I could think about since is how awkward it would have been if either of the boys had shown up and how much I needed to know why Sirius could have done what he did."

It wasn't entirely true, but she couldn't tell Remus the Potter's knew about his condition. Resigned acceptance crossed her brother's face as she spoke, and Hermione knew he realised what she planned to do.

"Mini, this is between Sirius and me - I never wanted it to affect your relationship with him."

"How could it not!" She cried, all thoughts of wanting to know why he'd done it disappearing temporarily, "How can I just carry on being friends with him knowing he'd put you in that much danger?"

He was shaking his head as she spoke, but still, she continued, "And I think I need to know for you too."

"What?"

"We're all mad at him. You, me, James, all of us. And frankly, no matter his explanation, there is no excusing what he did, but I can see the four of you drifting apart because of this already."

"Hermione," his voice was cautionary, but she didn't care, too caught up in finally voicing her fears for her brother's friendships.

"I'm not saying you have to get over what he did, or even forgive him for it but I'm asking if you really want to risk losing your friends over this. The boys who are your brothers in all but blood. I don't want you to lose that because of a terrible but stupid mistake made by a teenager."

He growled at her statement, "He could have made me a murderer! "

"I know! I know what he did, but I also know Sirius, and we both know that never would have been his intention. You can be angry at him all you want but don't give up on him just yet. I'm going to ask him about it, and to be honest probably yell at him a little bit too but I can't give up yet, and I don't think you want to either."

Remus' expression broke into one of unspeakable pain, and she instantly felt guilty for bringing it up. It wasn't as if she could ever genuinely understand her brother's position and perhaps it was too much too soon.

Perhaps, it was too much to ask of him altogether.

"I'm sorry," she rushed to apologise, "I shouldn't have brought it up, it's your business, and it's not my place to tell you what to do."

"Oh, Hermione," he pulled her into his arms, and the two of them breathed each other in for a few moments. They rarely hugged anymore, yet another thing age had stolen from tactile children, but at that moment they both needed the comfort.

"You're right. I don't want to lose them, but I can't have something like this happen again. I wouldn't survive it, and I don't know how I can trust him after what he did."

Relief soared through her at Remus' words despite their negative tone; that there was the chance to fix things even if they were never as they were before.

"Did you see him over the last week of term?" She questioned, thinking of Sirius' haunted eyes and longing glances at his friends, never embodying his Animagus form more, "I'm pretty sure you don't need to worry about it, he looked like he was punishing himself more than you ever could."

Remus nodded slightly at his words, but she knew it would take time to build that trust back up.

Still, at least it was something; a start.

Hermione knew she needed to talk to Sirius alone and that he and James still weren't talking, but she didn't want to risk having it become a strange three-way conversation, so she settled on owling Dorea to help her set up the meeting. The older woman more than willing to help with any attempts to repair things between her disconnected sons.

Agreeing that it would be simplest to host at the manor Dorea made up some excuse to get James out of the house leaving Sirius alone for Hermione to talk to. Not that he knew that.

Her heart was beating rapidly as she stepped through the floo. Remus knew what she was doing as she was unwilling to leave him in the dark through any part of it. Sirius, however, was still unaware and looked shocked to see her standing in the Potter's entrance hall.

"Mini?"

"Sirius," she breathed in reply, suddenly unsure how to proceed now they were together, staring at each other from across the room like they were both afraid to make the first move.

"What are you doing here?" He eventually questioned, clearly unsure why she was alone with him, especially as their last conversation had ended so explosively.

"I was hoping to talk to you."

Sirius nodded at her response; surprise evident on his face like he had assumed she would never speak with him again.

"Um, okay. Want to talk in the parlour?"

Nodding awkwardly, the two ventured into the room she had met with Dorea Potter in only the week before. Calling for tea, silence suffocated them both, so different from the atmosphere the last time she was there.

"Why are you here, Hermione?" Sirius' voice broke through the quiet, he sounded defeated even as he asked it and she knew she had to do her utmost to fix what had happened. Unwilling to see any of her boys look so dejected in her presence.

"I guess I just want to know why you did it."

He chuckled dryly at her question, "You never could ask the easy questions now could you, Mini."

She smiled reassuringly at him, trying to drag the explanation of what possessed him to betray Remus like he had out of the sad figure in front of her.

"I told you I never thought Snape would be in any danger and I wasn't lying."

Without rage clouding her judgement, she had known that. As hot-headed as Sirius was, he would never intentionally have put someone at as much risk as he had that night, not even Snape and certainly not Remus.

Still, he had done it, and she needed to know why, "I know you didn't, but you still put Snape in that position, and you risked Remus' safety too."

"I know," he replied shamefaced, but something told Hermione he still didn't quite understand the gravity of the risk he'd exposed Remus to. Even as guilty as he felt, there was an element of the situation that he had still failed to realise.

"Do you?" she questioned. "Do you understand what would have happened had James not saved Snape?"

Sirius looked lost for words, so she continued. "If Snape had survived meeting Moony that night, he would have been infected, but far more likely is that he would not have survived the encounter at all. Either way, you would have condemned my brother.

"The punishment for biting someone while transformed is death, no matter whether it was intentional or not. Even if, by some miracle, Dumbledore managed to cover up what had happened, and my brother wasn't sentenced to die. He would still have had to live with the knowledge of what had occurred.

"How do you think Remus would have coped with that, knowing he had 'cursed' somebody else. What do you propose my brother would have done considering how much he fears himself already?"

Despite the anger colouring her tone and in her words, Hermione was surprisingly calm as she explained what he had truly risked that evening. She supposed she'd had plenty of time to come to terms with it, having spent a month processing how much danger Remus had been in, the main reason it had taken her so long to come seeking answers.

Sirius, however, had gone pale at her words and looked sickened as he was faced with the reality of what he had done. Not that she had mentioned any of the other potential effects of his stupidity. That no matter what happened, she probably would have lost her brother, either way. How if news of Remus' lycanthropy had got out, which it most likely would have, she would have been tarred with the same brush, leaving her and her parents to face never-ending scrutiny and suspicions.

"Hermione," he whispered, "I'm sorry. You must know, I'm sorry."

"I do, but I still want to know why. What could have possibly made you betray Remus' trust even without knowing the depth of the consequences."

He shifted at her question, uncomfortable. They both knew any excuse he had was never going to be enough. Glancing down at their mugs, tea cold and untouched between them, he steeled himself and started to explain.

"You know Snape's suspected something about Moony for ages now, and even though Remus has never really done anything to him, Snape hates him for being friends with Prongs and me."

She nodded, the years of animosity had only fuelled Snape's desire to find an answer to the secret they worked so hard to keep hidden. And, she knew he had no issue holding perceived slights against those who had done nothing to him. Thinking of the way an adult Snape had treated Harry and Neville for their parents' sins, but this was different. Sirius had been the one in the wrong here, no matter how much she hated the idea of people finding out the truth about her brother.

Still, Sirius continued, "James and I found him and Lily arguing. It wasn't anything to do with you or Remus, but you somehow came up anyway, and Snape started saying some really foul things about the two of you, and I just snapped.

"I started arguing with him, and at some point, James took Lily away so we were left alone. And he just kept on saying how all he needed was proof and he could ruin us; ruin Moony, and I couldn't risk it. I knew that even rumours could create questions that Remus' can't afford people asking, so I just wanted him to keep quiet about everything. I thought he'd hear the howling and scratching, get too scared to get any closer, and finally leave it alone.

"I never thought he'd actually be in any danger, I assumed he'd give up long before he actually got into the shack. I'd hoped I was fixing the problem, but James came back and didn't even give me a chance to explain before everything went to shit.

"I know it was stupid, now. I was a fucking idiot who didn't think it through. I was just so angry at him for constantly prying into Moony's business that I couldn't think of any other way to get him to shut up."

She had stayed quiet through his speech, but it explained a lot. The desire to protect his friends, and even going about it in a stupid way was something quintessentially Sirius, but she knew she couldn't let it continue. Far worse things could happen in the future if he didn't learn to control his temper.

"Sirius," she sighed, unsure how to answer. Not forgiving him, but more understanding now she truly knew it was never a joke to him. "You've got to learn to think about the consequences of your actions. Otherwise, something even worse could happen."

"I know, Mini, I do. But I'll doubt I'll have the chance to cock up again this badly anyway. None of the boys are talking to me, and I don't blame them. I don't deserve it."

And there it was, another familiar facet of Sirius Black. Taking total and complete blame for everything. Although, on this occasion, Hermione thought he may, for the first time, be right.

A part of her still feared for her brother, but the other, more reasonable part knew Sirius had to learn from this. Had to take this experience and make sure another rash mistake wasn't made in the future, rather than wallowing in his regrets.

"You'll never be able to go back to exactly how you were before," she started, wanting to get the hardest truth out of the way first.

"But that doesn't mean you can't all have something. The relationship may change, but you're all too important to each other to give up completely. It will take a long time to regain their trust, and even after you have it, this memory will hang over you all like a dark cloud. Ready to remind you of what could happen, so you have to ask yourself, Sirius Black. How much is my brother's friendship worth to you? How long are you willing to fight to repair the damage you have wrought?"

Sirius looked floored by her proclamation and Hermione didn't blame him. He had likely never seen her as serious as she was in that moment, but she knew he had to face the reality of the path ahead of him.

Even as she thought it, shock changed to determination and Sirius finally replied,

"Whatever. I'll do whatever it takes. Because I can't lose another brother."